Post by Andre Jenson on Mar 20, 2016 10:39:55 GMT -5
“So.” Began the guard, studying AJ from across the room with a critical eye. “You have a plan to get us back to the city?”
AJ thought for a moment, sitting on his sofa, feeling the dice between his fingers, pursing his lips as he did so, thinking of just how to reply.
“I do,” he said at last. “Or, to be more precise, I did.”
“You did?” The guard raised his eyebrow. “Only did?”
“Well. Yes. At least one half of a plan.” Said AJ with a little more conviction. “There is but one problem.
“Which is?” The guard shifted uneasily, while leaning up against the wall, scowling. Ever since AJ had annoyed him enough to leave the sanctity of the watching circle, the guard had been scowling. He missed home, he missed his family, he missed his wife and the food. Oh! The heavenly food! That was the thing he missed the most. Salted Pork, bread that was made with the flour of the miller next door, the soup that the mages sometimes made in their cauldrons. He even missed gnomes. Quite why anyone would miss gnomes, he never knew but he did nevertheless. He also had the vague suspicion that he left the oven on and he'd get home to find that his house had burned down or something.
He wasn't one of these people who enjoyed travelling, or being away from home. He hated the idea of people leaving and really didn't like strangers. In fact, his vicious determination to make sure that people stayed quite where they should be was partly why he got the job of watcher. One of the top traits to have as guardian of a magical city was the absolute hatred of movement. It keeps people in check. The only other people in the entire universe that hated the idea of people moving about at their own free will were the makers of traffic lights.
“I'm going to have to win a title.” AJ said, rather nervously.
“A title?” The guard's eyebrows raised at this. Obviously an out of confidence, out of form AJ trying to win a title is the very last thing he thought would be in the realms of “a good idea” He dreaded the question he had to ask, or rather the answer to the question but hey, he had to ask it.
“Why do you need a title?” He cringed.
AJ looked back rather blankly at the guard, a look as if to say “You serious bro? It's obvious, right?” Then he remembered he actually needed to say the words to him.
“Well, you said I need to prove myself in battle. How better to do that than be a champion? A true warrior! A LEGEND!” AJ started to get into his little speech now, standing up he continued, while looking out of the window. “A KNIGHT OF THE REALM, A TRUE HERO!” He was shouting at this point. “SOMEONE TO BE PROUD OF! MOVE OVER BATMAN, SAY GOODBYE SPIDEY, GET LOST CAP! JENSON IS THE ONE TO TRUST!”
For some reason he was waving his fist at the window, much like a crazy old man shouting at the moon. The guard thought he was slowly going mad, but then again nothing made sense to him any more. He rubbed his hands across his temple and pinched the top of his nose.
“You haven't won a thing yet, and now you're a...What are these things you referred to anyway?”
“What, you never heard of marvel?” AJ asked incredulously.
“Erm, no. I live in a magical city that moves and reappears at will. I don't have time for whatever you're referring to.”
“You watch WCF.” AJ observed.
“Well. Erm, yeah. That's something we do watch. It's a pleasure of guilt.”
“Right, well, Marvel,” began AJ, reaching down for a stack of comics and blu ray boxes. “Begins thusly.”
approximately 450 comics and 235 hours of film and television later the guard was reeling.
“This is what you guys read and do? Constantly?” He asked, with more than a hint of despair in his head.
“No, no, not constantly.” AJ replied. “I am not a nerd. I am a 20th level grand wizard and 12th level rogue. I do much more than this. My tastes are somewhat eclectic. Besides, one has to have a hobby to make sure they don't go insane when they kill too many orcs. You know what I mean, right?”
The guard didn't know what he meant. He took the job as it was cushy, he had never been in a battle in his life, not killed orcs or anyone really. He was told that he was just to stand guard and no one would trouble him because, quite frankly, no one from the Earth realm would ever find them. Yet this simpleton managed to do just that and he ended up costing him his home.
“What's your name?” Asked AJ, suddenly. As if it just occurred to him that the guard was sitting in his mansion and he had literally no idea who he was.
“Oh you would not be able to say it.” Came the rather curt reply.
“Try me, I'm good with languages. I learned Elvish in 3 months.”
He sighed. “It's Plthysarinhgythinga Mrwabisanguty Jeffahjinithy” came the reply.
AJ paused for a moment, “OK, I'll call you Jeff.” He stated, matter of factly. Jeff the guard.
The newly named Jeff simply shrugged. “How are you going to win this title you have claimed you want?” He asked, desperate to leave this realm as fast he could.
“It starts with winning.” Stated AJ. “This weekend in fact. I am facing foes that are challenging, yet beatable. Let us begin with Benjamin Atreyu.”
AJ sat down next to Jeff and opened up a comic. It was Thor. “Take Thor here. He is a God, much like Atreyu claims to be. Like Atreyu, Thor has weaknesses. Mainly vanity and naivety. Atreyu, same thing, but less Nordic and more pointless really. Ever since he got fired as Lord Commander of Talent relations I can't remember anything he's done. Other than beat me in some battle royal thing that means nothing.”
He flipped the comic to another. It was Deadpool.
“Deadpool, he is immortal, immoral and without remorse or compunction about who he is. Much like Vulgar who, let's face it is completely insane, morally reprehensible and not all the way there.”
AJ looked at Jeff. “Now you see what I'm up against, how do I win? You may ask.”
“You missed someone,” replied Jeff, pointing at Bad News Benson on the match card.
“Oh,” AJ looked at the card and dismissed the name with a wave of his hand, “He's like Aqua man, He is pointless really. My point is that this match, if I apply myself, do what I need to do, avoid any major attacks and roll well, is winnable. I need to approach it like the Hulk. Face the task, get angry, find a solution that works and punch it until it does. I think this will be my best bet to win this match and get back on the steed that is winning. Only then can I be back on the path of good and get you home. How's that sound?”
“Pretty awful really, but sure. Do what you have to do.” He replied, rather bored. “I just hope you don't end up getting killed before you find home.
“Sir,” said the guard watching the live feed to AJ's residence into his walkie talkie. “He's still looking for the city, how do we proceed?”
“Allow it for now,” came the crackly reply over the comm system. “But keep monitoring and inform us of any progress. We can't let him find the place.”
AJ thought for a moment, sitting on his sofa, feeling the dice between his fingers, pursing his lips as he did so, thinking of just how to reply.
“I do,” he said at last. “Or, to be more precise, I did.”
“You did?” The guard raised his eyebrow. “Only did?”
“Well. Yes. At least one half of a plan.” Said AJ with a little more conviction. “There is but one problem.
“Which is?” The guard shifted uneasily, while leaning up against the wall, scowling. Ever since AJ had annoyed him enough to leave the sanctity of the watching circle, the guard had been scowling. He missed home, he missed his family, he missed his wife and the food. Oh! The heavenly food! That was the thing he missed the most. Salted Pork, bread that was made with the flour of the miller next door, the soup that the mages sometimes made in their cauldrons. He even missed gnomes. Quite why anyone would miss gnomes, he never knew but he did nevertheless. He also had the vague suspicion that he left the oven on and he'd get home to find that his house had burned down or something.
He wasn't one of these people who enjoyed travelling, or being away from home. He hated the idea of people leaving and really didn't like strangers. In fact, his vicious determination to make sure that people stayed quite where they should be was partly why he got the job of watcher. One of the top traits to have as guardian of a magical city was the absolute hatred of movement. It keeps people in check. The only other people in the entire universe that hated the idea of people moving about at their own free will were the makers of traffic lights.
“I'm going to have to win a title.” AJ said, rather nervously.
“A title?” The guard's eyebrows raised at this. Obviously an out of confidence, out of form AJ trying to win a title is the very last thing he thought would be in the realms of “a good idea” He dreaded the question he had to ask, or rather the answer to the question but hey, he had to ask it.
“Why do you need a title?” He cringed.
AJ looked back rather blankly at the guard, a look as if to say “You serious bro? It's obvious, right?” Then he remembered he actually needed to say the words to him.
“Well, you said I need to prove myself in battle. How better to do that than be a champion? A true warrior! A LEGEND!” AJ started to get into his little speech now, standing up he continued, while looking out of the window. “A KNIGHT OF THE REALM, A TRUE HERO!” He was shouting at this point. “SOMEONE TO BE PROUD OF! MOVE OVER BATMAN, SAY GOODBYE SPIDEY, GET LOST CAP! JENSON IS THE ONE TO TRUST!”
For some reason he was waving his fist at the window, much like a crazy old man shouting at the moon. The guard thought he was slowly going mad, but then again nothing made sense to him any more. He rubbed his hands across his temple and pinched the top of his nose.
“You haven't won a thing yet, and now you're a...What are these things you referred to anyway?”
“What, you never heard of marvel?” AJ asked incredulously.
“Erm, no. I live in a magical city that moves and reappears at will. I don't have time for whatever you're referring to.”
“You watch WCF.” AJ observed.
“Well. Erm, yeah. That's something we do watch. It's a pleasure of guilt.”
“Right, well, Marvel,” began AJ, reaching down for a stack of comics and blu ray boxes. “Begins thusly.”
approximately 450 comics and 235 hours of film and television later the guard was reeling.
“This is what you guys read and do? Constantly?” He asked, with more than a hint of despair in his head.
“No, no, not constantly.” AJ replied. “I am not a nerd. I am a 20th level grand wizard and 12th level rogue. I do much more than this. My tastes are somewhat eclectic. Besides, one has to have a hobby to make sure they don't go insane when they kill too many orcs. You know what I mean, right?”
The guard didn't know what he meant. He took the job as it was cushy, he had never been in a battle in his life, not killed orcs or anyone really. He was told that he was just to stand guard and no one would trouble him because, quite frankly, no one from the Earth realm would ever find them. Yet this simpleton managed to do just that and he ended up costing him his home.
“What's your name?” Asked AJ, suddenly. As if it just occurred to him that the guard was sitting in his mansion and he had literally no idea who he was.
“Oh you would not be able to say it.” Came the rather curt reply.
“Try me, I'm good with languages. I learned Elvish in 3 months.”
He sighed. “It's Plthysarinhgythinga Mrwabisanguty Jeffahjinithy” came the reply.
AJ paused for a moment, “OK, I'll call you Jeff.” He stated, matter of factly. Jeff the guard.
The newly named Jeff simply shrugged. “How are you going to win this title you have claimed you want?” He asked, desperate to leave this realm as fast he could.
“It starts with winning.” Stated AJ. “This weekend in fact. I am facing foes that are challenging, yet beatable. Let us begin with Benjamin Atreyu.”
AJ sat down next to Jeff and opened up a comic. It was Thor. “Take Thor here. He is a God, much like Atreyu claims to be. Like Atreyu, Thor has weaknesses. Mainly vanity and naivety. Atreyu, same thing, but less Nordic and more pointless really. Ever since he got fired as Lord Commander of Talent relations I can't remember anything he's done. Other than beat me in some battle royal thing that means nothing.”
He flipped the comic to another. It was Deadpool.
“Deadpool, he is immortal, immoral and without remorse or compunction about who he is. Much like Vulgar who, let's face it is completely insane, morally reprehensible and not all the way there.”
AJ looked at Jeff. “Now you see what I'm up against, how do I win? You may ask.”
“You missed someone,” replied Jeff, pointing at Bad News Benson on the match card.
“Oh,” AJ looked at the card and dismissed the name with a wave of his hand, “He's like Aqua man, He is pointless really. My point is that this match, if I apply myself, do what I need to do, avoid any major attacks and roll well, is winnable. I need to approach it like the Hulk. Face the task, get angry, find a solution that works and punch it until it does. I think this will be my best bet to win this match and get back on the steed that is winning. Only then can I be back on the path of good and get you home. How's that sound?”
“Pretty awful really, but sure. Do what you have to do.” He replied, rather bored. “I just hope you don't end up getting killed before you find home.
“Sir,” said the guard watching the live feed to AJ's residence into his walkie talkie. “He's still looking for the city, how do we proceed?”
“Allow it for now,” came the crackly reply over the comm system. “But keep monitoring and inform us of any progress. We can't let him find the place.”
