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Post by Warbird on Mar 6, 2016 15:06:42 GMT -5
Hey this last one felt off to me... I was trying to get more character dev, but I think it was a detriment to my shoot and what I have done so far...  Not sure what to do to have it been better... |
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Post by 'The Shine' Brent Alpine on Mar 6, 2016 17:26:46 GMT -5
You have an easy to read writing style and you present the character well. I like the fact it wasn't a straight out shoot and there was some element of storyline.
My two main suggestions -
1) Always consider the purpose to the narrative. What elements of his character, backstory, current or future angles are you trying to convey? With this in mind, I think you could build greater depth to it (i.e. foreshadowing, intrigue etc). In this case, it felt a little bit irrelevant but was a nice read in general.
2) Weave the shoot in better and expand upon it more than you did here. This is a battle for me as well. I often tag my shoot on at the end after I've done my character piece. Some guys here have an incredible ability to seamlessly incorporate a creative shoot into the main narrative.
Based on what I've seen so far, I suspect you'll grow well into the character very soon. Especially when you get into your first major feud.
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Post by Joey Flash on Mar 6, 2016 17:39:46 GMT -5
Hey this last one felt off to me... I was trying to get more character dev, but I think it was a detriment to my shoot and what I have done so far... Not sure what to do to have it been better... I love the character so far! It feels like you're enjoying it, which is a massive plus and it's great you've tailored it around the 'new' WCF style. It'll come, all the faith in the world. |
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