Post by Lawnmower Jones on Mar 9, 2007 20:58:33 GMT -5
(The scene opens up inside of Kaiser Country Hospital. We are inside of Lonnie Jones's room, where she is laying on the bed, with an IV attached to her gas tank. The room is morbid, dark, and smells. The TV is off, the blinds closed. Lawnmower Jones is in the room, sitting next to the unconcious Lonnie. His eyes are closed, and he holds his hands in a praying postition.)
LJ: Can you hear me God? It's me, Jones. Well Old Timer, I know we haven't been the best of friends. But how could I have known that Jones was-a pissing on YOUR church. I thought it was one of them Must-limbs. Anyways, me Lonnie is in a hell of 'er own. I think it would be best if you just...give her a mulligan. I mean, it wasn't me Lonnie's fault that Bobby Cairo kidnapped her, was it now? No, it was Bobby Cairo's. And by the time this is all said and done, Jonesy will have put Cairo into a bed of his own to rest with your counterpart, Mr. Satan.
(A knock at the door is heard, and a man immediately enters. The man is dressed as a doctor; he has the full attire. His hair is gelled back perfectly. He is in his mid-30's, white, tall, and looks like the typical stereotype of a doctor. When the doctor enters into the room, applause is heard. It sounds like studio applause, and quickly goes away.)
DR: (Looking at clipboard) Mr....Jones, I presume?
(The doctor flashes the grin again.)
LJ: Yes, he is me. Doc, can you tell me about me Lonnie? Is she gonna make it?
DR: Well Mr....(checks clipboard) Jones, it seems your Lonnie has some internal bleeding. I haven't ran the MRI, but the CT Scan looks negative, and there seems to be no viral diseases in her engine. (Checks clipboard) Oh wait, just kidding. Mr...(checks clipboard) Jones, do you know anyone who has gohnneria?
LJ: Well, I sure as hell don't. Has me Lonnie been cheating on me? With who?
DR: Well, spouses who get board tend to stray away to other people to satisfy their sexual curiosities. Do you use restholds? Are you sloppy? Do you have erection dysfunction?
LJ: Cairo! Bobby Cairo must've raped me Lonnie and given her the clap!
DR: (Pats Jones on the back) Nice work detective. Unfortunately, your contract with WCF management prohibits you from moving forward with any legal argument and agenda you may have with Mr. Cairo, so he has you beat there. But, I could give her some pills, and soon as you know it, she'll have as much clap as a Britney Spears. That means none.
LJ: But doctor, is she going to live?
DR: Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how we treat her. We couple proceed with surgery, but Craftsmen tells us that operating on a lawnmower can ruin the motor, which can lead to premature destruction. Of course, if we take the Advil route, Lonnie may not be helped at all, and live her life in pain and misery. But then again, I think it's best that we observe the situation for the next couple of weeks, Mr...(looks at clipboard) Jones.
(The Doctor flashes a grin and winks at Jones.)
LJ: Doctor, I'm putting me Lonnie's life in your hands. Her fate is your fate. Remember that.
DR: Mr...(clipboard) Jones, are you threatening me?
LJ: No, just do your job, punchy.
DR: Sir, did you just call me punchy?
LJ: I don't know. Did I?
DR: Alright. I think I hear an anorexic nine year old crying for my attention. Best of luck on your match this week, asshole.
(The doctor leaves the room, leaving Jones to ponder the meaning of life to himself.)
LJ: Oh where would I be, without the beloved Lonnie? Me Lonnie brightens my days like the sun brightens the sky. If she just so happened to leave earth, I'd die.
(Jones takes a seat in the chair again.)
LJ: What is the point of showing up to Slam when I'm not even fighting Bobby Cairo? I'm supposed to wrestle Thunder, but my heart is set only on the revenge of ripping Cairo from limb to limb.
LJ: Cairo, you may think that our little war is close to the end, but put your faith in me, it's not. Not by a longshot. And once I'm done with Thunder, I'll be sure to destroy you and stop you from becoming a two time loser at War. Not only will you lose War because of me, but I will win War. After I win War, I will make sure you do not show your face around these parts again. And after I put all of Bobby Cairo into the extinct, I will win the WCF World Title. Me Lonnie will get better. I will rule the world.
(The scene fades to black.)
LJ: Can you hear me God? It's me, Jones. Well Old Timer, I know we haven't been the best of friends. But how could I have known that Jones was-a pissing on YOUR church. I thought it was one of them Must-limbs. Anyways, me Lonnie is in a hell of 'er own. I think it would be best if you just...give her a mulligan. I mean, it wasn't me Lonnie's fault that Bobby Cairo kidnapped her, was it now? No, it was Bobby Cairo's. And by the time this is all said and done, Jonesy will have put Cairo into a bed of his own to rest with your counterpart, Mr. Satan.
(A knock at the door is heard, and a man immediately enters. The man is dressed as a doctor; he has the full attire. His hair is gelled back perfectly. He is in his mid-30's, white, tall, and looks like the typical stereotype of a doctor. When the doctor enters into the room, applause is heard. It sounds like studio applause, and quickly goes away.)
DR: (Looking at clipboard) Mr....Jones, I presume?
(The doctor flashes the grin again.)
LJ: Yes, he is me. Doc, can you tell me about me Lonnie? Is she gonna make it?
DR: Well Mr....(checks clipboard) Jones, it seems your Lonnie has some internal bleeding. I haven't ran the MRI, but the CT Scan looks negative, and there seems to be no viral diseases in her engine. (Checks clipboard) Oh wait, just kidding. Mr...(checks clipboard) Jones, do you know anyone who has gohnneria?
LJ: Well, I sure as hell don't. Has me Lonnie been cheating on me? With who?
DR: Well, spouses who get board tend to stray away to other people to satisfy their sexual curiosities. Do you use restholds? Are you sloppy? Do you have erection dysfunction?
LJ: Cairo! Bobby Cairo must've raped me Lonnie and given her the clap!
DR: (Pats Jones on the back) Nice work detective. Unfortunately, your contract with WCF management prohibits you from moving forward with any legal argument and agenda you may have with Mr. Cairo, so he has you beat there. But, I could give her some pills, and soon as you know it, she'll have as much clap as a Britney Spears. That means none.
LJ: But doctor, is she going to live?
DR: Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how we treat her. We couple proceed with surgery, but Craftsmen tells us that operating on a lawnmower can ruin the motor, which can lead to premature destruction. Of course, if we take the Advil route, Lonnie may not be helped at all, and live her life in pain and misery. But then again, I think it's best that we observe the situation for the next couple of weeks, Mr...(looks at clipboard) Jones.
(The Doctor flashes a grin and winks at Jones.)
LJ: Doctor, I'm putting me Lonnie's life in your hands. Her fate is your fate. Remember that.
DR: Mr...(clipboard) Jones, are you threatening me?
LJ: No, just do your job, punchy.
DR: Sir, did you just call me punchy?
LJ: I don't know. Did I?
DR: Alright. I think I hear an anorexic nine year old crying for my attention. Best of luck on your match this week, asshole.
(The doctor leaves the room, leaving Jones to ponder the meaning of life to himself.)
LJ: Oh where would I be, without the beloved Lonnie? Me Lonnie brightens my days like the sun brightens the sky. If she just so happened to leave earth, I'd die.
(Jones takes a seat in the chair again.)
LJ: What is the point of showing up to Slam when I'm not even fighting Bobby Cairo? I'm supposed to wrestle Thunder, but my heart is set only on the revenge of ripping Cairo from limb to limb.
LJ: Cairo, you may think that our little war is close to the end, but put your faith in me, it's not. Not by a longshot. And once I'm done with Thunder, I'll be sure to destroy you and stop you from becoming a two time loser at War. Not only will you lose War because of me, but I will win War. After I win War, I will make sure you do not show your face around these parts again. And after I put all of Bobby Cairo into the extinct, I will win the WCF World Title. Me Lonnie will get better. I will rule the world.
(The scene fades to black.)
