Post by Steve Catt on Mar 20, 2007 20:21:00 GMT -5
:::Fade-in to Hank Brown standing in front of the WCF logo, which tells us he must be in the backstage interview area.:::
Hank: Folks, I am here backstage and I have been told that I am going to get a chance to interview this "NCW fan" that has joined Team NCW and interfered repeatedly in Outcast's matches. Any minute now, he is supposed to...
:::Hank goes on talking without noticing the figure stepping quietly up behind him.:::
??: Boo.
:::Hank cries out and it looks like he jumps about five feet in the air. After regaining his composure, he turns around to see the NCW fan. The "NCW" hat is off, revealing a blond buzz cut. The street clothes have been replaced by a camouflage outfit.:::
Hank: Geez, you scared me.
??: That's the idea. If you're not more observant in the future, you could end up hurt, instead of just startled. As much as I dislike members of the press, I wouldn't want you guys to become casualties.
Hank: Well, I'm not really...wow, I guess I am. Huh. Um...where was I...well, you sound a lot different than on the tape you sent out.
??: That wasn't me on that tape, it was an...associate of mine. I had other matters to take care of, and I didn't want to reveal any aspect of myself, including my voice, before I was ready. So I gave him a basic outline and told him now we were even. Personally, I think he overdid it a little.
Hank: You seem to be very cautious, Mr...?
??: Names are for friends, so I don't need one. Call me what I am...Mercenary.
Hank: Alright, Mercen--
Mercenary: No, wait, make it Merc. Less syllables.
Hank: O.K., Merc--
Merc: Yes, that works.
Hank: Rrright. Anyway, I get the feeling you've told us all you're going to about what exactly you plan to do here.
Merc: Your instincts are correct. Be sure to make good use of them in the coming battles.
Hank: Perhaps then you could tell us how you ended up here. You seem a bit...out of place, although on the other hand, this is WCF!
Merc: What do you mean?
Hank: You - or rather, your associate, mentioned being in wars. You're wearing camouflage and you're calling yourself Merc. If you really are a mercenary, what are you doing here?
Merc: Yes, I really was - and am - a soldier of fortune. I am using my talents to serve my employer in WCF, because, out there on the battlefields, times are tough for us. There aren't any wars going on!
Hank: But--
Merc: Don't even start. I know what you're going to say; don't even start. Iraq is part of the war on terror, but it is not a war itself. As far as I'm concerned, the last war in Iraq ended four years ago when Baghdad fell. All that's going on now is "peacekeeping" and "rebuilding". No one wants me as part of that, and I wouldn't want to be anyway. I'd be a bull in a china shop when they want children in Pottery Barn.
Hank: Still, I would think the military would want all the help they could get.
Merc: Maybe, if we didn't have a volunteer army. Look, I'm good at what I do, but this isn't Hollywood and I'm not some invisible superhuman assassin. However, I do charge a lot, and why bother paying that much when you can get the same results from a group of Marines? Now, even if it weren't for all this making my life miserable, there's also the press. The military has to deal with enough accusations from them already without the trouble I'd cause.
Hank: Well, um, I had nothing to do with that.
Merc: Hey, it may seem like I have trouble letting go of the battlefield, but I'm not delusional or insane. That may come as a surprise to some of the WCF fans with all the other crazies you have running around here. It'll be a challenge cleaning them up, and that's why I was happy to take this job, although I am being paid quite well.
Hank: Speaking of which, who is your employer anyway? Is it Hellz Angel?
Merc: I am not at liberty to say.
Hank: Steve Carr?
Merc: No comment.
Hank: AJ Jam?
Merc: AJ Jam? AJ JAM?! Are you kidding me? Do you think AJ Jam has the will or the mental capacity to pull off something like this? He doesn't even come close to...to...wow, I almost said too much there. No, it's not AJ Jam. He doesn't have the means, motive or opportunity.
Hank: Well, you did use his finisher last week. Or at least you tried to.
Merc: I have trained to be well-rounded and fluent in all forms of combat. I have familiarized myself with every NCW wrestler and all their moves so that I can fight in their style. I have been told that this is the way I must bring down WCF and am happy to oblige.
Hank: Sounds like you've been busy.
Merc: Recently, yes, but I had to get up to speed very quickly.
Hank: So, in that case, what exactly were you doing before that if you haven't been fighting?
Merc: I'm glad you asked! I've been writing and publishing a series of short stories involving this funny character I made. Here, have a copy of "Snad and the Raging Semi".
:::Merc reaches for a backpack on the ground, pulls out a book and hands it to Hank.:::
Hank: Wow, is this about trucks? My nephew will love this!
:::Hank opens the book, turns to a random page and starts reading. His face changes to a look of disgust.:::
Hank: Eww.
Merc: Did I forget to mention they were...erotic stories?
Hank: You call this erotic?
:::Merc's eyes suddenly get this far-away look to them, as if he is searching the sky for something.:::
Merc: When you're on the battlefield for months, anything can become erotic...
:::They both just stand there for several moments. Hank clears his throat.:::
Hank: Um...Merc? Sir? Hello?
:::Hank reaches over and taps him on the shoulder. Merc jumps.:::
Merc: OH GOD NO, KOALAS! Wait, what? Oh, right. Sorry about that. I have to go now.
:::He quickly picks up the backpack and leaves.:::
Hank: I really hope he was right about not being crazy.
:::Fade out.:::
Hank: Folks, I am here backstage and I have been told that I am going to get a chance to interview this "NCW fan" that has joined Team NCW and interfered repeatedly in Outcast's matches. Any minute now, he is supposed to...
:::Hank goes on talking without noticing the figure stepping quietly up behind him.:::
??: Boo.
:::Hank cries out and it looks like he jumps about five feet in the air. After regaining his composure, he turns around to see the NCW fan. The "NCW" hat is off, revealing a blond buzz cut. The street clothes have been replaced by a camouflage outfit.:::
Hank: Geez, you scared me.
??: That's the idea. If you're not more observant in the future, you could end up hurt, instead of just startled. As much as I dislike members of the press, I wouldn't want you guys to become casualties.
Hank: Well, I'm not really...wow, I guess I am. Huh. Um...where was I...well, you sound a lot different than on the tape you sent out.
??: That wasn't me on that tape, it was an...associate of mine. I had other matters to take care of, and I didn't want to reveal any aspect of myself, including my voice, before I was ready. So I gave him a basic outline and told him now we were even. Personally, I think he overdid it a little.
Hank: You seem to be very cautious, Mr...?
??: Names are for friends, so I don't need one. Call me what I am...Mercenary.
Hank: Alright, Mercen--
Mercenary: No, wait, make it Merc. Less syllables.
Hank: O.K., Merc--
Merc: Yes, that works.
Hank: Rrright. Anyway, I get the feeling you've told us all you're going to about what exactly you plan to do here.
Merc: Your instincts are correct. Be sure to make good use of them in the coming battles.
Hank: Perhaps then you could tell us how you ended up here. You seem a bit...out of place, although on the other hand, this is WCF!
Merc: What do you mean?
Hank: You - or rather, your associate, mentioned being in wars. You're wearing camouflage and you're calling yourself Merc. If you really are a mercenary, what are you doing here?
Merc: Yes, I really was - and am - a soldier of fortune. I am using my talents to serve my employer in WCF, because, out there on the battlefields, times are tough for us. There aren't any wars going on!
Hank: But--
Merc: Don't even start. I know what you're going to say; don't even start. Iraq is part of the war on terror, but it is not a war itself. As far as I'm concerned, the last war in Iraq ended four years ago when Baghdad fell. All that's going on now is "peacekeeping" and "rebuilding". No one wants me as part of that, and I wouldn't want to be anyway. I'd be a bull in a china shop when they want children in Pottery Barn.
Hank: Still, I would think the military would want all the help they could get.
Merc: Maybe, if we didn't have a volunteer army. Look, I'm good at what I do, but this isn't Hollywood and I'm not some invisible superhuman assassin. However, I do charge a lot, and why bother paying that much when you can get the same results from a group of Marines? Now, even if it weren't for all this making my life miserable, there's also the press. The military has to deal with enough accusations from them already without the trouble I'd cause.
Hank: Well, um, I had nothing to do with that.
Merc: Hey, it may seem like I have trouble letting go of the battlefield, but I'm not delusional or insane. That may come as a surprise to some of the WCF fans with all the other crazies you have running around here. It'll be a challenge cleaning them up, and that's why I was happy to take this job, although I am being paid quite well.
Hank: Speaking of which, who is your employer anyway? Is it Hellz Angel?
Merc: I am not at liberty to say.
Hank: Steve Carr?
Merc: No comment.
Hank: AJ Jam?
Merc: AJ Jam? AJ JAM?! Are you kidding me? Do you think AJ Jam has the will or the mental capacity to pull off something like this? He doesn't even come close to...to...wow, I almost said too much there. No, it's not AJ Jam. He doesn't have the means, motive or opportunity.
Hank: Well, you did use his finisher last week. Or at least you tried to.
Merc: I have trained to be well-rounded and fluent in all forms of combat. I have familiarized myself with every NCW wrestler and all their moves so that I can fight in their style. I have been told that this is the way I must bring down WCF and am happy to oblige.
Hank: Sounds like you've been busy.
Merc: Recently, yes, but I had to get up to speed very quickly.
Hank: So, in that case, what exactly were you doing before that if you haven't been fighting?
Merc: I'm glad you asked! I've been writing and publishing a series of short stories involving this funny character I made. Here, have a copy of "Snad and the Raging Semi".
:::Merc reaches for a backpack on the ground, pulls out a book and hands it to Hank.:::
Hank: Wow, is this about trucks? My nephew will love this!
:::Hank opens the book, turns to a random page and starts reading. His face changes to a look of disgust.:::
Hank: Eww.
Merc: Did I forget to mention they were...erotic stories?
Hank: You call this erotic?
:::Merc's eyes suddenly get this far-away look to them, as if he is searching the sky for something.:::
Merc: When you're on the battlefield for months, anything can become erotic...
:::They both just stand there for several moments. Hank clears his throat.:::
Hank: Um...Merc? Sir? Hello?
:::Hank reaches over and taps him on the shoulder. Merc jumps.:::
Merc: OH GOD NO, KOALAS! Wait, what? Oh, right. Sorry about that. I have to go now.
:::He quickly picks up the backpack and leaves.:::
Hank: I really hope he was right about not being crazy.
:::Fade out.:::
