Timebomb RP feedback

[Tiffany White]

Still in the process of writing RP number two, but I'm curious as to what you guys think so far. I feel like this feud has brought out the best in both CVC and I, and we're both sending it off the best way possible.

[kincaid]

So, pretty sure the one you wanted feedback on was Love Bytes, so here we go.

First, the best thing you have going for you is a sense of your characters "voice." In a first person promo, that voice should carry all the way through the work. It sounds obvious, but a lot of people screw it up. I've seen too many promos where people writing in first person have this great, pithy dialogue and then totally stiff narration. None of that here. Standout lines like that great opening line and the way so much of your dialogue drips with her pessism is just awesome. Love it.

To my mind the on camera, straight promo bit is my favorite part. The entire catfish, manti -teo paragraph is just perfect. Like, she's an absolute dickhead and you can't stand her buuut...it's entertaining. That's a tough line to ride, you need a reader to be interested enough to stay engaged but you don't want to fall into the "cool heel" trap. This rode this well.

The single best paragraph in here is the paragraph beginning with "Nevertheless Chance' because it's that perfect level of wearyness. She wants this to be over. Wants to get this out of the way and not deal with this horseshit anymore. "Police could be outside the fucking cage calling for your second arrest in a row and I wouldn’t give a shit. Your time in the spotlight is coming to an end on Sunday" Golden.

The only complaint I have is the brown, hard to read font choice you used near the start for Hank. Messy. Tough to read. Had to highlight all of it.

Great promo, even with lacking the context that would have made it better. If this is the writing level here, I'm fucked.