Post by Teo Blaze on Feb 21, 2016 13:47:49 GMT -5
As the camera fades slowly into view, a rather unfamiliar sight can be seen. Rather than the hallowed halls of the gimnasio, there is instead an extremely fancy French restaurant. Packed to the gills with the highest classes of society, people mingle and smile, passing around delicate appetizers and gently imbibing hundred dollar bottles of wine, all over meals of liver and eggs. Fine, caviar and foie gras. All about, people busily discuss urgent business goings-ons and the latest stock deal. The rich get richer, as the adage goes.
And there, in the center of it all, sits Teo del Sol. His white mask clashing rather harshly with the black suede sports coat and white collared shirt. All night long he had been fiddling with that stupid collar. He hated wearing button up shirts (always felt like someone was choking him) but as the voice on his laptop kept assuring him, that was what was expected.
Teo: Come on Pete, I’m a wrestler! Couldn’t I have worn a T-shirt under here?
The electronic voice on the laptop crackled and sighed once again, the haggard but comfortable face of Teo del Sol’s long-time agent sighing as his face dropped into his palm.
Pete: Teo, look. These are big time investors looking to bring the Gimnasio del Sol operation stateside. If you land this deal, we’re looking at opening gyms all across the country. You’ve done a bang-up job with that People’s title of yours, and that’s why these guys have agreed to see you. They’re gonna make you into a household name, man!
Teo echoed Pete’s sigh, leaning back in his chair and staring up at what he had to admit was a truly spectacular crystal chandelier.
Teo: But why does it have to be me? I’m no businessman, I’m a wrestler!
Pete: As I’ve said before and will doubtlessly say again, it’s the mask, Teo. These people love the image, the panache, the flair. You wow ‘em, and things are gonna start looking up for us in a big way.
Teo: The Gimnasio isn’t about making money, Pete, you know that as well as I do.
Pete rolled his eyes; he loved Teo’s devotion, but sometimes he was an extremely difficult business partner.
Pete: Maybe don’t say that when they get here, eh? Investors don’t like to hear that they’re opening a charity.
Teo: Charity is a big part of what we do!
Pete: Shhhh! People are staring, Teo.
Teo turns towards his agent with lowered eyebrows, impatiently drumming his fingers on the side of his mask.
Pete: Look, this is just how things are done, Teo. Once we get those gyms opened, I guarantee you we’re gonna get some students. We fly out one head trainer to each location to get things going, and then the charity opportunities will be way bigger than anything we could manage on our own. I’m talking complete community transformations if that’s what you wanna do.
Teo’s eyes slowly moved back towards the ceiling. Though he hated to admit it, his longtime friend had a valid point. The WCF had been kind to him so far, but there was a definite shift in the management. Plus most of his pay for the next few months had gone towards paying off the mortgage on the gym…
Pete: Like it or not, we can’t do this on our own, so buck up and smile.
Teo offered one final weary sigh, then nodded his head resolvedly. He picked up his drink and took a long swallow as the clock ticked towards the 8:00 when they would arrive.
Pete: ….what is that?
Pete of course was referring to Teo’s drink, which was in a plastic collectible cup with a bright pink bendy straw.
Teo: Hmm? Oh, the waiter brought it to me. He said it was an appropriate container for chocolate milk.
Pete: ...Teo...what have I told you about letting people make fun of you in public?
Teo: That it’s happening way too often?
Pete: Put that away before the investors get-
: Mr. Del Sol!
Teo suddenly looked up to see an extremely rotund man- standing six feet tall and what seemed nearly as wide, a bright white sports coat over a salmon shirt and silver tie. The top of his head was almost completely hairless, but the bottom extended into a long bushy beard. Teo quickly stood up and extended a hand, closing the laptop as he did so.
Teo: It’s a pleasure sir! And let me say thank you for taking the time to come and see me!
The man returned Teo’s handshake, offering a crushing grip which closed around Teo’s hand lik a vise. He could have sworn he felt a crack but endeavored not to let it show.
: Name’s Rick, Teo! It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance!
Teo nervously grinned and shook his head vehemently. He realized on some level that he was trying too hard, but he had a lot of people counting on him.
Teo: So, can I buy you a drink, Mr. Rick?
Rick: Just Rick is fine, and no thank you, I’ve already ordered.
Teo: No problem! So…uh, Rick, what is your interest in professional wrestling?
Rick let out a booming chuckle and Teo halfheartedly but awkwardly joined in, a little taken aback by Rick’s sheer presence. The man was gigantic in personality as well as stature, and seemed to command a room just by being in it.
Rick: Welp, rasslin’s always been something I’ve enjoyed, sir, and that Dubya-Cee-Eff is one of the highest quality examples of athletic programming that I can recall watching in a long time.
Teo nodded happily at the compliment, still doing his best not to do anything wrong.
Rick: The thing I love about you rasslers is that you’ll do anything, I repeat, ANYTHING to make a fan happy. You look at all these businesses today, you hear ‘em talk about customer service, like it’s some kind of accomplishment that they managed to say thank you for giving ‘em your hard-earned paycheck. It’s a joke. Show me a man who will bleed, who will throw himself off of a steel cage if that’s what it takes, now THAT is customer service, my friend.
Despite himself, Teo found himself chuckling at Rick’s assertion, he had to admit he’d never thought of it like that before.
Teo: Well, we’re not all that dedicated, but I’ve always made it my number one priority that the people in the seats go home happy.
Rick: But not everyone does, huh?
Teo: Well, it’s like this, see. Take my opponents this week. I have a ton of them.
..
Rick gestured for Teo to go on.
Teo: First and foremost, we have Bernard Core. Now Bernard, he’s got a couple’a screws loose. By which I mean he’d likely fall apart if he walked too close to a magnet. Dude’s a broken cukoo clock one tick away from launching a bird into someone’s soup. He honestly thinks, honestly now, that he can reform the country, can reform the United States by trying to set some kind of “example” his words, not mine. Dude is a fruit loop.
I don’t doubt he’s sincere, heck, I might even admire him for it, but he is one thing and one thing alone, and that is single-mindedly moronic. He honestly believes, honestly! That he can somehow standardize the education system, that he can make us one pure people, one crystal community, one ideal head-nodding buncha brainless robots.
Funny thing is he came this close to succeeding. Now my partner Mikey Extreme? He is also a bit…
Teo gestures to the clock on the wall.
But one thing that I have to absolutely thank Mikey for is shutting Bernard Core’s mouth once and for all at Fifteen. Bernard Core is exactly that, he is a talker. And a talker, and a talker. Honestly it doesn’t surprise me that he went into education, given that he seems to get off on the sound of his own voice. Too bad they didn’t have any positions open at the mirror factory, he’d be employee of the goddamned month! Pardon my French…!
Teo sheepishly grinned, he had almost gotten pulled back into the old shoot habits, but Rick seemed not to mind, so he kept going.
Teo: That’s the thing, you see? Bernard Core, he talks a big game, he likes to act like it’s all about this grand plan of standardization, this massive improvement for the world…but when it gets right down to it, it’s all about him. Why do you think he was so dedicated to winning that US Title? Because he’s nothing more than another greedy capitalist.
Rick cocks an eyebrow but Teo fails to notice.
Teo: He’s in it for him, he want to see his face on the television screens, his face on the posters, he’s narcissus in a three-piece suit preaching about some kind of reform program. So every day I thank every higher power I can that Mikey brought him down a peg, because I was getting tired of the smell of hot air in the locker rooms.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, we take one of the worst educators of all time and they partnered him with one of the worst heads of talent relations we have ever had. Think about that, Rick, we have had a cookie obessed child, a semi-psychotic sociopath, and at the moment I think they’re trying to introduce some kind of bounty system involving an adult Chuck-E-Cheese? They even have tokens! And yet despite all of that, when people say who was the most lackluster, the most selfish, the most do-nothing and sit back HoTR we have ever had, they point to Benjamin Atreyu.
Now Benjamin and I have met before, granted neither of us won that match, but the fact is that I had him planted for the 1 2 3 before I got blindsided by his replacement’s assistant. One more second and that Habanero High Dive would be all anyone remembers of our match. Benjamin Atreyu, he’s just out of step. He wins the big matches, wins when it counts, but he only seems to take the business as seriously as he feels like. So what is a Luchador to do when he’s faced with a foe that…”Challenging”? I don’t like to be overconfident, but Benjamin Atreyu has yet to do one single solitary thing to convince me that he’s worth the effort it would take to make him terrifying.
So, let’s round out the group with Vengeance. Oh Vengeance, the one and only, the Cinderella story of the WCF. You know Vengeance and I have met on two occasions before this, one time I walked out still the People’s Champion after a very hard fought match, and the other time he failed to even make it to the ring because…
Oh wait, that’s right, Benjamin Atreyu came out and refused to allow the match to happen. Man, Vengeance, if it were me, and my tag team partner cost me the chance to put on a show for these fans, I would not be eager to help that man walk out of the ring.
That is if Vengeance even shows up. I respect everything that this man has accomplished over the years, and I’ve made it no secret that I think he has the potential to win any match he wants…but Vengeance, he only fights on his terms. He has no respect for the fans, for the people- he just is in it for himself.
Too bad that he’s had such a hard time keeping a streak going. Every time it seems like Vengeance is going to break out, he comes up short. He lost to Atreyu at ONE, and I’ve already gone over how much Atreyu doesn’t even care about being in the ring. He lost to Dune, he lost our People’s title match…although he didn’t get pinned.
Vengeance is a hell of an athlete who should have a Heimlich poster on the wall of his locker room, because he is the master of the choke. Vengeance is the definition of hot and cold. Last week he was hot, so this week he’s going to be cold as ice. I bet that Vengeance ends up attacking his own partners before this match is over, because I guarantee you he’s not going to be able to stop our team.
Mikey Extreme, Okay, I’ll admit, I don’t like him, but he’s going to whomp Vengeance when Vengeance chokes yet again. Though I will admit, if it were up to me, I’d rather partner with Vengeance on any other week. As he’s my opponent though, it becomes my job to analyze his weaknesses.
Rick nods happily, chuckling under his breath as Teo rounds out the conversation.
Teo: And last but not least we have the C team. Okay, I don’t think these gentlemen warrant the same long-winded explanation, but I will do my best to do them justice just in case WCF has some kind of hidden camera stuff going on right now. That waiter did kind of look like Hank Brown.
Zombie McMorris….I have talked about at length, have outlined specifically each and every fault, every little flaw with his delivery, his performance…How he seems completely and utterly dedicated to turning what could be a hall of fame career into one of the surrealest jokes that anyone has seen since Andy Kaufman. It’s borderline artistic how Zombie has reduced himself into a this walking, talking catchphrase machine who fights people on Volcanoes and spends entire weeks clapping at Dag Riddik…
Rick: Who?
Teo: Oh, that rookie that Zombie had to cheat to beat. Now, Zombie, I have had a talk with Mr. Riddik in the past, and though I had to wash my hands afterward, he did not exactly exude indomitability.
Teo realized he was going into shoot mode, but Rick seemed so enraptured that he just kept going.
Teo: Zombie hasn’t had a real challenge for that internet belt since he won it, he’s defended it against reluctant challengers and rookies all the way through. They had to bring back Sarah Twilight recently, and Zombie seemed to have to encourage her to participate. On top of that, he’s not even defending his internet belt on Wednesday’s show! I have never had to want for contenders, but Zombie couldn’t find a dance partner if he put out a personal ad!
All this is irrelevant though, seeing as I am 2-0 against the Zombie so far, so I will move on to Dustin Beaver.
Dustin…why are you in this match? How in the world does this further anything that Beach Krew is working towards? Did you write your name down on a petition to legalize medicinal hair gel and accidentally sign up for it? Really, explain it to me, because I do not see one single solitary reason why you would WANT to partner up with Captain Lebouef and Generic bad guy.
It’s okay though, put a cardboard cut-out of Beaver in the ring, he’ll be about as much help. Beaver has had to struggle to string together two wins since dropping that TV belt to Stuart Slane on his first night back. Dustin…you’re better than that. This week isn’t going to be the one showing it though.
And last and probably least we have Chance Von Crank. Now, I have had next to no interaction with Von Crank- I think that he’s rather obnoxious and would like to see him get a new hairstylist, but besides that, I think that he’s been shoved into a match where he does not belong simply to round out the land of misfit toys that this team has become.
I guarantee you that there is not a person in the entire world picking those three to win. I almost want to see it just for the bizarre outcome, but it’s not going to happen.
As Teo finished, the waiter walked up and tapped Rick on the shoulder.
Waiter: I’m sorry sir, but we can’t get any lobsters tonight, the tongs fell in the tank, we’re going to have to wait till the lobsters are asleep to grab them.
The look of disappointment on Rick’s face gave Teo a crazy idea, one that might seal the deal once and for all. And after all, hadn’t Rick said that true wrestlers do anything for a fan?
Teo: I’ll take care of this, Rick.
Teo stood up and rolled up the sleeves of his sports coat as the entire restaurant looked on in confusion. With a look of resolve, the adrenaline flowing from the conversation, Teo walked right up the lobster tank and plunged his hand to the bottom.
…and immediately regretted it as several lobster claws clamped onto his exposed arm. Teo let out a howl and whipped his arm into the air, sending several of the sea creatures flying about the room. Rick let out an audible guffaw as Teo screamed in pain, clutching at his arm. The waiters tried to deal with the screaming customers as the scene quickly devolved into chaos, Teo accidentally whipped his hand around and smashed the glass tank, causing him to emit another scream as the creatures skittered across the floor, under tables. One waiter threw a dessert tray into the air as he dodged the oncoming crustacean, soaking a wedding reception in perfectly made tiramisu, meanwhile the sound of glass breaking and tables being flipped over echoed throughout the room. And amidst all this, Teo heard a voice.
: Mr. Del Sol…?
Teo turned and looked to see three men in tightly starched business suits, one clutching a briefcase and the other holding a stack of papers. Teo could make out the word “contract” at the top of one.
Teo looked at the three aghast faces and then back towards Rick, then offered a sheepish wave. The men simply turned and walked back out the door. Teo stared in despair before slowly turning and sitting back in his chair, grabbing a spilled piece of cobbler and eating it with his hands.
Teo: Rick…you didn’t come here to invest in the gym, did you?
Rick: No sir, I did not.
Teo: So I’m guessing you are merely a fan who wanted to talk with a wrestler.
Rick: You got it.
Teo sighed and continued munching. Despite the drywall, it was pretty good.
Teo: So I’m going to have to wait a while to see a Gimnasio del Sol on US soil then.
Rick nodded his head solemnly, then reached into his back pocket and withdrew a checkbook and what appeared to be a gold-plated pen.
Rick: Well that depends Mr. del Sol…
At this point Teo realized that he had seen Rick Rodney Robertson on the cover of the business magazines that Pete was always reading. He was well-known as an eccentric philanthropist, but Teo had been so focused on his pitch that he hadn’t even recognized...
Rick: ...How much do you need?
And there, in the center of it all, sits Teo del Sol. His white mask clashing rather harshly with the black suede sports coat and white collared shirt. All night long he had been fiddling with that stupid collar. He hated wearing button up shirts (always felt like someone was choking him) but as the voice on his laptop kept assuring him, that was what was expected.
Teo: Come on Pete, I’m a wrestler! Couldn’t I have worn a T-shirt under here?
The electronic voice on the laptop crackled and sighed once again, the haggard but comfortable face of Teo del Sol’s long-time agent sighing as his face dropped into his palm.
Pete: Teo, look. These are big time investors looking to bring the Gimnasio del Sol operation stateside. If you land this deal, we’re looking at opening gyms all across the country. You’ve done a bang-up job with that People’s title of yours, and that’s why these guys have agreed to see you. They’re gonna make you into a household name, man!
Teo echoed Pete’s sigh, leaning back in his chair and staring up at what he had to admit was a truly spectacular crystal chandelier.
Teo: But why does it have to be me? I’m no businessman, I’m a wrestler!
Pete: As I’ve said before and will doubtlessly say again, it’s the mask, Teo. These people love the image, the panache, the flair. You wow ‘em, and things are gonna start looking up for us in a big way.
Teo: The Gimnasio isn’t about making money, Pete, you know that as well as I do.
Pete rolled his eyes; he loved Teo’s devotion, but sometimes he was an extremely difficult business partner.
Pete: Maybe don’t say that when they get here, eh? Investors don’t like to hear that they’re opening a charity.
Teo: Charity is a big part of what we do!
Pete: Shhhh! People are staring, Teo.
Teo turns towards his agent with lowered eyebrows, impatiently drumming his fingers on the side of his mask.
Pete: Look, this is just how things are done, Teo. Once we get those gyms opened, I guarantee you we’re gonna get some students. We fly out one head trainer to each location to get things going, and then the charity opportunities will be way bigger than anything we could manage on our own. I’m talking complete community transformations if that’s what you wanna do.
Teo’s eyes slowly moved back towards the ceiling. Though he hated to admit it, his longtime friend had a valid point. The WCF had been kind to him so far, but there was a definite shift in the management. Plus most of his pay for the next few months had gone towards paying off the mortgage on the gym…
Pete: Like it or not, we can’t do this on our own, so buck up and smile.
Teo offered one final weary sigh, then nodded his head resolvedly. He picked up his drink and took a long swallow as the clock ticked towards the 8:00 when they would arrive.
Pete: ….what is that?
Pete of course was referring to Teo’s drink, which was in a plastic collectible cup with a bright pink bendy straw.
Teo: Hmm? Oh, the waiter brought it to me. He said it was an appropriate container for chocolate milk.
Pete: ...Teo...what have I told you about letting people make fun of you in public?
Teo: That it’s happening way too often?
Pete: Put that away before the investors get-
: Mr. Del Sol!Teo suddenly looked up to see an extremely rotund man- standing six feet tall and what seemed nearly as wide, a bright white sports coat over a salmon shirt and silver tie. The top of his head was almost completely hairless, but the bottom extended into a long bushy beard. Teo quickly stood up and extended a hand, closing the laptop as he did so.
Teo: It’s a pleasure sir! And let me say thank you for taking the time to come and see me!
The man returned Teo’s handshake, offering a crushing grip which closed around Teo’s hand lik a vise. He could have sworn he felt a crack but endeavored not to let it show.
: Name’s Rick, Teo! It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance! Teo nervously grinned and shook his head vehemently. He realized on some level that he was trying too hard, but he had a lot of people counting on him.
Teo: So, can I buy you a drink, Mr. Rick?
Rick: Just Rick is fine, and no thank you, I’ve already ordered.
Teo: No problem! So…uh, Rick, what is your interest in professional wrestling?
Rick let out a booming chuckle and Teo halfheartedly but awkwardly joined in, a little taken aback by Rick’s sheer presence. The man was gigantic in personality as well as stature, and seemed to command a room just by being in it.
Rick: Welp, rasslin’s always been something I’ve enjoyed, sir, and that Dubya-Cee-Eff is one of the highest quality examples of athletic programming that I can recall watching in a long time.
Teo nodded happily at the compliment, still doing his best not to do anything wrong.
Rick: The thing I love about you rasslers is that you’ll do anything, I repeat, ANYTHING to make a fan happy. You look at all these businesses today, you hear ‘em talk about customer service, like it’s some kind of accomplishment that they managed to say thank you for giving ‘em your hard-earned paycheck. It’s a joke. Show me a man who will bleed, who will throw himself off of a steel cage if that’s what it takes, now THAT is customer service, my friend.
Despite himself, Teo found himself chuckling at Rick’s assertion, he had to admit he’d never thought of it like that before.
Teo: Well, we’re not all that dedicated, but I’ve always made it my number one priority that the people in the seats go home happy.
Rick: But not everyone does, huh?
Teo: Well, it’s like this, see. Take my opponents this week. I have a ton of them.
..
Rick gestured for Teo to go on.
Teo: First and foremost, we have Bernard Core. Now Bernard, he’s got a couple’a screws loose. By which I mean he’d likely fall apart if he walked too close to a magnet. Dude’s a broken cukoo clock one tick away from launching a bird into someone’s soup. He honestly thinks, honestly now, that he can reform the country, can reform the United States by trying to set some kind of “example” his words, not mine. Dude is a fruit loop.
I don’t doubt he’s sincere, heck, I might even admire him for it, but he is one thing and one thing alone, and that is single-mindedly moronic. He honestly believes, honestly! That he can somehow standardize the education system, that he can make us one pure people, one crystal community, one ideal head-nodding buncha brainless robots.
Funny thing is he came this close to succeeding. Now my partner Mikey Extreme? He is also a bit…
Teo gestures to the clock on the wall.
But one thing that I have to absolutely thank Mikey for is shutting Bernard Core’s mouth once and for all at Fifteen. Bernard Core is exactly that, he is a talker. And a talker, and a talker. Honestly it doesn’t surprise me that he went into education, given that he seems to get off on the sound of his own voice. Too bad they didn’t have any positions open at the mirror factory, he’d be employee of the goddamned month! Pardon my French…!
Teo sheepishly grinned, he had almost gotten pulled back into the old shoot habits, but Rick seemed not to mind, so he kept going.
Teo: That’s the thing, you see? Bernard Core, he talks a big game, he likes to act like it’s all about this grand plan of standardization, this massive improvement for the world…but when it gets right down to it, it’s all about him. Why do you think he was so dedicated to winning that US Title? Because he’s nothing more than another greedy capitalist.
Rick cocks an eyebrow but Teo fails to notice.
Teo: He’s in it for him, he want to see his face on the television screens, his face on the posters, he’s narcissus in a three-piece suit preaching about some kind of reform program. So every day I thank every higher power I can that Mikey brought him down a peg, because I was getting tired of the smell of hot air in the locker rooms.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, we take one of the worst educators of all time and they partnered him with one of the worst heads of talent relations we have ever had. Think about that, Rick, we have had a cookie obessed child, a semi-psychotic sociopath, and at the moment I think they’re trying to introduce some kind of bounty system involving an adult Chuck-E-Cheese? They even have tokens! And yet despite all of that, when people say who was the most lackluster, the most selfish, the most do-nothing and sit back HoTR we have ever had, they point to Benjamin Atreyu.
Now Benjamin and I have met before, granted neither of us won that match, but the fact is that I had him planted for the 1 2 3 before I got blindsided by his replacement’s assistant. One more second and that Habanero High Dive would be all anyone remembers of our match. Benjamin Atreyu, he’s just out of step. He wins the big matches, wins when it counts, but he only seems to take the business as seriously as he feels like. So what is a Luchador to do when he’s faced with a foe that…”Challenging”? I don’t like to be overconfident, but Benjamin Atreyu has yet to do one single solitary thing to convince me that he’s worth the effort it would take to make him terrifying.
So, let’s round out the group with Vengeance. Oh Vengeance, the one and only, the Cinderella story of the WCF. You know Vengeance and I have met on two occasions before this, one time I walked out still the People’s Champion after a very hard fought match, and the other time he failed to even make it to the ring because…
Oh wait, that’s right, Benjamin Atreyu came out and refused to allow the match to happen. Man, Vengeance, if it were me, and my tag team partner cost me the chance to put on a show for these fans, I would not be eager to help that man walk out of the ring.
That is if Vengeance even shows up. I respect everything that this man has accomplished over the years, and I’ve made it no secret that I think he has the potential to win any match he wants…but Vengeance, he only fights on his terms. He has no respect for the fans, for the people- he just is in it for himself.
Too bad that he’s had such a hard time keeping a streak going. Every time it seems like Vengeance is going to break out, he comes up short. He lost to Atreyu at ONE, and I’ve already gone over how much Atreyu doesn’t even care about being in the ring. He lost to Dune, he lost our People’s title match…although he didn’t get pinned.
Vengeance is a hell of an athlete who should have a Heimlich poster on the wall of his locker room, because he is the master of the choke. Vengeance is the definition of hot and cold. Last week he was hot, so this week he’s going to be cold as ice. I bet that Vengeance ends up attacking his own partners before this match is over, because I guarantee you he’s not going to be able to stop our team.
Mikey Extreme, Okay, I’ll admit, I don’t like him, but he’s going to whomp Vengeance when Vengeance chokes yet again. Though I will admit, if it were up to me, I’d rather partner with Vengeance on any other week. As he’s my opponent though, it becomes my job to analyze his weaknesses.
Rick nods happily, chuckling under his breath as Teo rounds out the conversation.
Teo: And last but not least we have the C team. Okay, I don’t think these gentlemen warrant the same long-winded explanation, but I will do my best to do them justice just in case WCF has some kind of hidden camera stuff going on right now. That waiter did kind of look like Hank Brown.
Zombie McMorris….I have talked about at length, have outlined specifically each and every fault, every little flaw with his delivery, his performance…How he seems completely and utterly dedicated to turning what could be a hall of fame career into one of the surrealest jokes that anyone has seen since Andy Kaufman. It’s borderline artistic how Zombie has reduced himself into a this walking, talking catchphrase machine who fights people on Volcanoes and spends entire weeks clapping at Dag Riddik…
Rick: Who?
Teo: Oh, that rookie that Zombie had to cheat to beat. Now, Zombie, I have had a talk with Mr. Riddik in the past, and though I had to wash my hands afterward, he did not exactly exude indomitability.
Teo realized he was going into shoot mode, but Rick seemed so enraptured that he just kept going.
Teo: Zombie hasn’t had a real challenge for that internet belt since he won it, he’s defended it against reluctant challengers and rookies all the way through. They had to bring back Sarah Twilight recently, and Zombie seemed to have to encourage her to participate. On top of that, he’s not even defending his internet belt on Wednesday’s show! I have never had to want for contenders, but Zombie couldn’t find a dance partner if he put out a personal ad!
All this is irrelevant though, seeing as I am 2-0 against the Zombie so far, so I will move on to Dustin Beaver.
Dustin…why are you in this match? How in the world does this further anything that Beach Krew is working towards? Did you write your name down on a petition to legalize medicinal hair gel and accidentally sign up for it? Really, explain it to me, because I do not see one single solitary reason why you would WANT to partner up with Captain Lebouef and Generic bad guy.
It’s okay though, put a cardboard cut-out of Beaver in the ring, he’ll be about as much help. Beaver has had to struggle to string together two wins since dropping that TV belt to Stuart Slane on his first night back. Dustin…you’re better than that. This week isn’t going to be the one showing it though.
And last and probably least we have Chance Von Crank. Now, I have had next to no interaction with Von Crank- I think that he’s rather obnoxious and would like to see him get a new hairstylist, but besides that, I think that he’s been shoved into a match where he does not belong simply to round out the land of misfit toys that this team has become.
I guarantee you that there is not a person in the entire world picking those three to win. I almost want to see it just for the bizarre outcome, but it’s not going to happen.
As Teo finished, the waiter walked up and tapped Rick on the shoulder.
Waiter: I’m sorry sir, but we can’t get any lobsters tonight, the tongs fell in the tank, we’re going to have to wait till the lobsters are asleep to grab them.
The look of disappointment on Rick’s face gave Teo a crazy idea, one that might seal the deal once and for all. And after all, hadn’t Rick said that true wrestlers do anything for a fan?
Teo: I’ll take care of this, Rick.
Teo stood up and rolled up the sleeves of his sports coat as the entire restaurant looked on in confusion. With a look of resolve, the adrenaline flowing from the conversation, Teo walked right up the lobster tank and plunged his hand to the bottom.
…and immediately regretted it as several lobster claws clamped onto his exposed arm. Teo let out a howl and whipped his arm into the air, sending several of the sea creatures flying about the room. Rick let out an audible guffaw as Teo screamed in pain, clutching at his arm. The waiters tried to deal with the screaming customers as the scene quickly devolved into chaos, Teo accidentally whipped his hand around and smashed the glass tank, causing him to emit another scream as the creatures skittered across the floor, under tables. One waiter threw a dessert tray into the air as he dodged the oncoming crustacean, soaking a wedding reception in perfectly made tiramisu, meanwhile the sound of glass breaking and tables being flipped over echoed throughout the room. And amidst all this, Teo heard a voice.
: Mr. Del Sol…?Teo turned and looked to see three men in tightly starched business suits, one clutching a briefcase and the other holding a stack of papers. Teo could make out the word “contract” at the top of one.
Teo looked at the three aghast faces and then back towards Rick, then offered a sheepish wave. The men simply turned and walked back out the door. Teo stared in despair before slowly turning and sitting back in his chair, grabbing a spilled piece of cobbler and eating it with his hands.
Teo: Rick…you didn’t come here to invest in the gym, did you?
Rick: No sir, I did not.
Teo: So I’m guessing you are merely a fan who wanted to talk with a wrestler.
Rick: You got it.
Teo sighed and continued munching. Despite the drywall, it was pretty good.
Teo: So I’m going to have to wait a while to see a Gimnasio del Sol on US soil then.
Rick nodded his head solemnly, then reached into his back pocket and withdrew a checkbook and what appeared to be a gold-plated pen.
Rick: Well that depends Mr. del Sol…
At this point Teo realized that he had seen Rick Rodney Robertson on the cover of the business magazines that Pete was always reading. He was well-known as an eccentric philanthropist, but Teo had been so focused on his pitch that he hadn’t even recognized...
Rick: ...How much do you need?
