Post by Logan on Feb 21, 2016 2:19:11 GMT -5
The cameras opened up on the entire Family gathered in one of the many living rooms of my mansion. Well, Katherine was somewhere else; in a kitchen I could only hope making sandwiches as I had ordered. Charon sat on one of the couches in the large room, holding a stuffed cat in his lap and petting it. Morrigana found herself glued to a mirror, constantly examining her own rear. Dag Riddik on the other hand was examining Morrigana examining her rear. Sarah Twilight stood by a table that held photographs, one of them capturing a memory of myself in a red wig fighting Steve Orbit. An image that forced her to smirk.
Logan: You may be wondering why a cats litter box is sitting on a six thousand dollar table carved of the same wood believed to be from the wreckage of Noah’s Ark.
I said while circling the aforementioned table.
Logan: And why it is full of feces despite the fact that I do not own a cat.
Sarah Twilight: What about the Great Catsy?
Logan: Nobody owns that man. Plus he ran off months ago on some journey to find ICE Beckman.
Dag Riddik: I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that Katherine herself defecated in the box.
Logan: Precisely. It was my initial suspicion; however, she was clueless upon questioning. That leaves only one other suspect…
Charon: And that would be?
Morrigana: How does my ass look in these shorts?
Logan: Steve Orbit.
Sarah Twilight: That filthy bastard.
I nodded while continuing to circle the table and eye the litter box.
Logan: Yes. I never thought he steeped this low to come into my house, bring a kitty litter box, and shit in it… but I guess humiliating him like I do whenever we step into the ring has a profound effect on a man.
Charon: The man needs to learn to cope with loss. This…
The Ferryman nodded to the litter box.
Charon: Is a bizarre way of going about it.
Logan: Which makes me wonder what’s next for Steve Orbit after he meets defeat yet again this Sunday? Where will he shit next?
Katherine: Hopefully himself, after you boys and girls kick that sorry lame excuse for a team he is on this Sunday.
She said after entering the room with a plate full of sandwiches. Charon reached out to grab a sandwich and Katherine slapped his hand.
Katherine: May you?
He eyed Katherine with a murderous rage sprinkling behind his calm eyes.
Charon: May I?
She handed Charon a sandwich.
Charon: Is that a piece of paper torn from a book between the turkey and ham?
Katherine: I thought that was cheese.
He sat the sandwich back onto the platter. Katherine went from Family member to Family member, whom all politely turned down a sandwich. She made it to me at last.
Katherine: Sandwich, Logibear?
Logan: Why aren’t you a sweetheart.
She blushed.
Katherine: I made them really good this time too!
I lifted one off the platter.
Logan: No glass?
She excitedly shook her head side to side.
Katherine: Nope!
Logan: Rat poison?
Katherine: Not this time!
Logan: Well… you’re really becoming quite a useful person around here.
Only took her three years. I took a bite into the sandwich, chewing graciously. Not before long the munching ceased and I blankly stared into Katherine’s eyes, which were blank as well.
Katherine: Was it the notebook paper? I thought that was cheese!
Logan: No.
Katherine: The cell phone?
Logan: Nope.
Katherine: Well babygurl I tried!
Logan: The mayonnaise, Katherine. The gawd damn mayo.
She became upset.
Katherine: Logibear…
Logan: What did I say?
Katherine: … but..
Logan: WHAT DID I SAY?
Katherine: You said… ‘hold the mayo, fuckbag.’
Logan: And what is this?!
I took off the top piece of bread and pushed the sandwich into her face. She gasped.
Katherine: Logi!
She wiped away at the mayonnaise on her face, a face that began turning from depressed to violent.
Katherine: You bad, bad bear!
With the rage sometimes acquired when the mentally disabled are pushed past their limits of humiliation, she clawed into my shirt collar and yanked me into her maddening face.
Katherine: Take it back.
I gave her the most annoying grin I possibly could.
Logan: Dog shit.
She unfurred a brow and I watched it nearly spring from her forehead.
Katherine: What was that?
Logan: Your sandwiches taste like I went for a drunken stroll late at night in a park, passed out, and woke up with a dog straddled over my face defecating into my open mouth – your sandwiches – THAT.
Katherine: WHAT?!
Logan: Could I possibly be clearer? I don’t think I can.
The next thing I knew she was jerking and tugging me in all the wrong places and I was scrambling backwards, onto the table, onto the litter box filled with Steve Orbit dunk, and into the litter box; into blackness. My first senses told me I lacked any footing as I sank down into the rocky mess that never ended. A quicksand experience that buried me in my very own living room. The pit of doom showed no escape as I fell further into a world unknown to me hidden beneath three pounds of cat litter. Would I escape this suffocating death sentence? And what would they carve upon my tombstone; ‘drowned in a litter box full of Orbit’s shit. FOREVER LOVED.’ I could imagine Seth Lerch standing graveside, hugging the arm of Torture, combing his silver hair, and having a laugh. Son of a bitch.
The Great Catsy: Long time no see, good shit.
My eyes had been shut the entire time to guard my lens from the rough hard litter…. and Steve Orbit’s poop.
Logan: Catsy?
And now they were opened. I was staring at a sight I hadn’t seen in years; The Great Catsy. He was a small robot created by Boudlebot – who was created by Pantheon – who was… long story short and since it’s been told to every exisiting detail before, The Great Catsy was a robot covered by a cats carcass found on the side of the road now covered in a tuxedo.
The Great Catsy: Have you found him?
I shrugged, my face telling the story I did not have a clue.
The Great Catsy: Beckman, good shit. Has he returned?
I stood up and brushed kitty litter off my clothes.
Logan: Hadn’t talked to him.
The Great Catsy: Such a shame.
He sunk his whiskers into his black bowtie.
The Great Catsy: Why are you here?
I looked above where I had fallen but could make out only blackness.
Logan: Katherine and I had a disagreement.
The Great Catsy: Banging Sarah Twilight again is she?
Logan: No.
The Great Catsy: Joey Flash?
Logan: No.
The Great Catsy: The Sunday Slam roster?
Logan: Basically. Even so who or what she does with her crotch does not concern me. I like to have her around on occasion to bathe me and… well… that’s about it.
The Great Catsy: Then what is troubling you?
Logan: Besides disappearing into a litter box? Getting out of that litter box so I can continue a little book I’m writing called ‘How To Defeat Steve Orbit Every Time We Meet: The Logan Way’.
The Great Catsy: Sounds like a delightful read.
Logan: It’ll be a short one, because after Slam and then Timebomb he isn’t getting any more spotlight attention on my dime. Plenty of others out there in WCF are drooling at the chance for a ride to Connector City, can’t let Orbit hog it all.
The Great Catsy: Steve Orbit, one on one, back to back?
Logan: Of course not. WCF’s fans couldn’t handle that atmosphere. I’m teamed up with my Family and we’re taking on…
I scratched my head. Jesus. I didn’t even have a fuckin’ clue! Wait, come on, Logan. (nonchalantly checks WCF card on website off cellular phone)
Logan: Grayson Pierce, Andre Holmes, and Bonnie Blue in a ‘who cares, if it was not for Logan I would not watch’ match.
The Great Catsy: Interesting.
Logan: Yeah. I’ll be honest it sounds like a bunch of people I beat at Fifteen.
And then the blackness left me. I could hear the annoying voice of Katherine Phoenix calling out my name.
Katherine: Wake up, Logi. I’m so sorry! OH!
My eyes opened to match the annoying face that fit the voice.
Logan: What the hell happened?
Sarah: You fell onto the litter box and blacked out.
Logan: Jesus.
Charon: He did?
The Ferryman had been too involved into clutching the stuffed cat’s throat to give a damn about anything else.
Logan: Guys… I have a confession.
They all turned their eyes to me.
Logan: This isn’t the work of Orbit…
Brows were raised.
Logan: I shit in the litter box.
Logan: You may be wondering why a cats litter box is sitting on a six thousand dollar table carved of the same wood believed to be from the wreckage of Noah’s Ark.
I said while circling the aforementioned table.
Logan: And why it is full of feces despite the fact that I do not own a cat.
Sarah Twilight: What about the Great Catsy?
Logan: Nobody owns that man. Plus he ran off months ago on some journey to find ICE Beckman.
Dag Riddik: I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that Katherine herself defecated in the box.
Logan: Precisely. It was my initial suspicion; however, she was clueless upon questioning. That leaves only one other suspect…
Charon: And that would be?
Morrigana: How does my ass look in these shorts?
Logan: Steve Orbit.
Sarah Twilight: That filthy bastard.
I nodded while continuing to circle the table and eye the litter box.
Logan: Yes. I never thought he steeped this low to come into my house, bring a kitty litter box, and shit in it… but I guess humiliating him like I do whenever we step into the ring has a profound effect on a man.
Charon: The man needs to learn to cope with loss. This…
The Ferryman nodded to the litter box.
Charon: Is a bizarre way of going about it.
Logan: Which makes me wonder what’s next for Steve Orbit after he meets defeat yet again this Sunday? Where will he shit next?
Katherine: Hopefully himself, after you boys and girls kick that sorry lame excuse for a team he is on this Sunday.
She said after entering the room with a plate full of sandwiches. Charon reached out to grab a sandwich and Katherine slapped his hand.
Katherine: May you?
He eyed Katherine with a murderous rage sprinkling behind his calm eyes.
Charon: May I?
She handed Charon a sandwich.
Charon: Is that a piece of paper torn from a book between the turkey and ham?
Katherine: I thought that was cheese.
He sat the sandwich back onto the platter. Katherine went from Family member to Family member, whom all politely turned down a sandwich. She made it to me at last.
Katherine: Sandwich, Logibear?
Logan: Why aren’t you a sweetheart.
She blushed.
Katherine: I made them really good this time too!
I lifted one off the platter.
Logan: No glass?
She excitedly shook her head side to side.
Katherine: Nope!
Logan: Rat poison?
Katherine: Not this time!
Logan: Well… you’re really becoming quite a useful person around here.
Only took her three years. I took a bite into the sandwich, chewing graciously. Not before long the munching ceased and I blankly stared into Katherine’s eyes, which were blank as well.
Katherine: Was it the notebook paper? I thought that was cheese!
Logan: No.
Katherine: The cell phone?
Logan: Nope.
Katherine: Well babygurl I tried!
Logan: The mayonnaise, Katherine. The gawd damn mayo.
She became upset.
Katherine: Logibear…
Logan: What did I say?
Katherine: … but..
Logan: WHAT DID I SAY?
Katherine: You said… ‘hold the mayo, fuckbag.’
Logan: And what is this?!
I took off the top piece of bread and pushed the sandwich into her face. She gasped.
Katherine: Logi!
She wiped away at the mayonnaise on her face, a face that began turning from depressed to violent.
Katherine: You bad, bad bear!
With the rage sometimes acquired when the mentally disabled are pushed past their limits of humiliation, she clawed into my shirt collar and yanked me into her maddening face.
Katherine: Take it back.
I gave her the most annoying grin I possibly could.
Logan: Dog shit.
She unfurred a brow and I watched it nearly spring from her forehead.
Katherine: What was that?
Logan: Your sandwiches taste like I went for a drunken stroll late at night in a park, passed out, and woke up with a dog straddled over my face defecating into my open mouth – your sandwiches – THAT.
Katherine: WHAT?!
Logan: Could I possibly be clearer? I don’t think I can.
The next thing I knew she was jerking and tugging me in all the wrong places and I was scrambling backwards, onto the table, onto the litter box filled with Steve Orbit dunk, and into the litter box; into blackness. My first senses told me I lacked any footing as I sank down into the rocky mess that never ended. A quicksand experience that buried me in my very own living room. The pit of doom showed no escape as I fell further into a world unknown to me hidden beneath three pounds of cat litter. Would I escape this suffocating death sentence? And what would they carve upon my tombstone; ‘drowned in a litter box full of Orbit’s shit. FOREVER LOVED.’ I could imagine Seth Lerch standing graveside, hugging the arm of Torture, combing his silver hair, and having a laugh. Son of a bitch.
The Great Catsy: Long time no see, good shit.
My eyes had been shut the entire time to guard my lens from the rough hard litter…. and Steve Orbit’s poop.
Logan: Catsy?
And now they were opened. I was staring at a sight I hadn’t seen in years; The Great Catsy. He was a small robot created by Boudlebot – who was created by Pantheon – who was… long story short and since it’s been told to every exisiting detail before, The Great Catsy was a robot covered by a cats carcass found on the side of the road now covered in a tuxedo.
The Great Catsy: Have you found him?
I shrugged, my face telling the story I did not have a clue.
The Great Catsy: Beckman, good shit. Has he returned?
I stood up and brushed kitty litter off my clothes.
Logan: Hadn’t talked to him.
The Great Catsy: Such a shame.
He sunk his whiskers into his black bowtie.
The Great Catsy: Why are you here?
I looked above where I had fallen but could make out only blackness.
Logan: Katherine and I had a disagreement.
The Great Catsy: Banging Sarah Twilight again is she?
Logan: No.
The Great Catsy: Joey Flash?
Logan: No.
The Great Catsy: The Sunday Slam roster?
Logan: Basically. Even so who or what she does with her crotch does not concern me. I like to have her around on occasion to bathe me and… well… that’s about it.
The Great Catsy: Then what is troubling you?
Logan: Besides disappearing into a litter box? Getting out of that litter box so I can continue a little book I’m writing called ‘How To Defeat Steve Orbit Every Time We Meet: The Logan Way’.
The Great Catsy: Sounds like a delightful read.
Logan: It’ll be a short one, because after Slam and then Timebomb he isn’t getting any more spotlight attention on my dime. Plenty of others out there in WCF are drooling at the chance for a ride to Connector City, can’t let Orbit hog it all.
The Great Catsy: Steve Orbit, one on one, back to back?
Logan: Of course not. WCF’s fans couldn’t handle that atmosphere. I’m teamed up with my Family and we’re taking on…
I scratched my head. Jesus. I didn’t even have a fuckin’ clue! Wait, come on, Logan. (nonchalantly checks WCF card on website off cellular phone)
Logan: Grayson Pierce, Andre Holmes, and Bonnie Blue in a ‘who cares, if it was not for Logan I would not watch’ match.
The Great Catsy: Interesting.
Logan: Yeah. I’ll be honest it sounds like a bunch of people I beat at Fifteen.
And then the blackness left me. I could hear the annoying voice of Katherine Phoenix calling out my name.
Katherine: Wake up, Logi. I’m so sorry! OH!
My eyes opened to match the annoying face that fit the voice.
Logan: What the hell happened?
Sarah: You fell onto the litter box and blacked out.
Logan: Jesus.
Charon: He did?
The Ferryman had been too involved into clutching the stuffed cat’s throat to give a damn about anything else.
Logan: Guys… I have a confession.
They all turned their eyes to me.
Logan: This isn’t the work of Orbit…
Brows were raised.
Logan: I shit in the litter box.
