Post by Andre Jenson on Feb 20, 2016 9:31:37 GMT -5
The Alamo, as it is generally known to the general public was originally called Misión San Antonio de Valero and was used by the Texans as a Roman Catholic mission and a fortress. It appeared at its current site in 1744 and has been there ever since, used by the Spanish, Mexicans and Americans for various reasons. Officially it was built by the Spanish, but there has never been any concrete proof of this building actually being built and it's just assumed that's what happened because that's what professors, who wear tweed jackets and have big beards have told everyone all this time.
Not that they had any other reason to believe there was a massive, functional and ancient city lying underneath it and the Alamo is just simply the watchtower so that the residents of this city can keep an eye on the local populace and make suitable adjustments, just in case. You see, the people who reside in Forliasa are very much secluded and they like it that way thank you very much. They don't want any truck with the people on the surface or anything like that, they just like to stay underground and not bother anyone, leaving the rest of the world to do what they bloody well pleased with itself.
At least that's what AJ had understood. You see, he's spent the last few years with the council trying to find this city and he was now closing in on it. It just so happened that he was going to be in San Antonio for the next Slam and it worked out well that he figured the city was underneath the Alamo. He sat in his helicopter, nervously fidgeting with excitement, knowing that the time he had spent was finally going to be worth it.
“Stop fidgeting” came a voice over the headset. It was Amy, who was smiling at him from the other side of the helicopter.
“I can not help myself.” He replied. “If the city is here, it will be the culmination of years of research.” He smiled, trying to cover it up as best he could.
“Remember London though, AJ.” Amy replied in warning. A little more sternly than she intended.
London, as it turned out was a small disaster. AJ had thought that the city was there, deep underground, serviced by the tube stations and accessible via Buckingham Palace. He quickly found a number of issues.
Issue number 1 occurred when he stepped off the plane at Gatwick Airport and realised that Virgin Atlantic had lost his luggage, as they tend to do. He had to fill out 34 forms, talk to 10 people and explain what his baggage looked like to at least 4 supervisors. Each one of the conversations went like this:
“Hello, Sir! I appear to have been de-baggaged upon exiting your steel bird. What are the procedures for getting said baggage back?”
“You Wot mate? You 'avin a larf? We aint facking around you know in 'ere. If you lost a bag, fill out the form and we'll take a butchers for ya. Why you talkin' like a right fanny cant?”
“Excuse me sir? I do not know of your language. Is that from the land of Eusabas? Do you speak the common tongue?” AJ at this point also started to speak more slowly and loudly. “DOES....THOU....KNOWEST.....WHERE.....MY....LUGGAGE.....WENT....”
This was then usually followed up by a form being forcibly thrusted into his hands, followed by a curt “Fack orf back to 'Ogwarts you mag!” and the chap walking away muttering about people “taking the piss” and something to do with “Harry Potter wankers.”
That wasn't the end of the bad time in London, it got worse. You see, AJ arrived in London at approximately the same time as the biggest Harry Potter convention in history was happening. Which could explain the grumpy nature of the staff at Gatwick. Who would want thousands upon thousands of Americans turning up to your airport daily? Especially when they are all wearing wizard gear and pretending to be students at Hogwarts. Then you have the problem that they are Londoners, so living there naturally makes you less inclined to speak to people as a real human anyway.
This presented issue number 2. By his understanding, Harry Potter was real. He hadn't seen the films or read the books, he'd been told the story about the boy wizard who lived and assumed that Harry, Hogwarts and platform 9 ¾ is a real thing. Being landed smack in the middle of the biggest Harry Potter convention known to man caused a bit of a problem. He first noticed something was not quite right when some teenager was running past him, in full Hufflepuff gear, chasing down and trying to put a death curse on a middle aged man who was wearing a professor Snape costume. Snape was running away while holding a goblet above his head. He was shouting “I'VE GOT IT, I'VE GOT IT! I HAVE THE HUFFLEPUFF CUP!” This caused a bit of a stir amongst the rest of the Hufflepuffs in the vicinity as literally 10s of kids started to chase him down, shouting things like “EXPELLIARMUS” and “WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA.”
AJ chuckled to himself and looked at Amy, who's eyes were filled with dread.
“Amateurs!” He looked at Amy, hopefully. “I need to teach them the arts of spellcasting.”
“AJ,” Amy started
He held up his bag, for Amy to take it from him.
“AJ, really N....” AJ cut her off by dropping the bag on her shoulder and slapping her on the back. “No” she finished as he wandered off toward the throng of potential wizards in the crowd of Slytherins nearby. Within seconds he had brandished his wand at about 4 kids and was explaining the difference between a somatic spell and a verbal spell. His intention was to make them better wizards, the result was a shouting match between him and a 12 year old who insisted that Sectum Sempra was a badass spell and that AJ was a “muggle” for thinking that his simple dissipate spell could get rid of a death mark. This ended up in AJ challenging, the kid, rather loudly, to a wizard duel. A crowd of kids gathered round them, creating a makeshift arena. Security started looking on in suspicion. Amy got nervous.
AJ stared down the 12 year old Slytherin who stared right back at him, wand in hand, ready to strike like a cobra. Which is just how she wanted it because well, she's a Slytherin, snakes are their thing. Did I mention the kid was a 12 year old girl? Yeah, that's right. AJ is in a wizard showdown with a 12 year old Harry Potter superfan girl. She even had a stuffed owl on her shoulder. So you know she's serious. With a look of intense focus on her face, she bowed. AJ bowed in return. It didn't take long after this, probably 2 or 3 seconds before all hell broke loose. AJ flicked his wrist, so did the girl, they both ducked and weaved while shouting spells at each other, locked in intensely furious combat. AJ found a way to roll and read some die while they were fighting and inch by inch they got closer and closer to each other as they tried to get a better angle for their spells to hit. Spell after spell and counter spell were figuratively being flung through the air in a frenzy of imagination. Eventually they were standing toe to toe and they both froze as they realised this was it, the last shot would end it and neither of them were willing to make the first move.
The girl stared a hole right through AJ and snarled slightly. “Your move” she smirked, knowing that if AJ even tried to make so much as a basic spell then the wand pointing right at his stomach would end him with an Avada Kedavra spell. AJ smirked as this happened, thought about his options and held up his wand in submission. “Well met” he said, loudly. “You have bested me, boy.”
The girl narrowed her eyes in annoyance. “I'M A FUCKING GIRL!” And she punched AJ in the midriff as hard as she could, winding him somewhat before storming off. AJ, hunching over wheezed to Amy who had come to extract him from the situation. “I guess that's why she's in Slytherin.”
Issue number 3 came when AJ and Amy attempted to get access to Buckingham Palace. For some unknown reason to AJ they were denied access on the grounds of him “not being a real lord, now bugger off.” From his point of view, he should have been given the diplomatic access. Alas, the Queen didn't agree. So AJ had to come up with a plan B. Plan B involved them going to the palace and distracting the palace guard via the format of cosplay. She managed to fashion a couple of beefeater outfits with perfect authenticity from their hotel room. The idea was for them to initiate a change of guard from the palace, getting in through the guard entrance with their uniforms, and once the guards had left they'd have time to search the grounds for the entrance to the city. To cut a long story short, the plan worked to perfection. They walked up to the palace with their outfits, were admitted to the grounds and convinced the guards that they could now leave their little huts and go take a break. They even got away with AJ asking one of the guards “Just why the hell do you, I mean we sponsor that Dustin Beaver guy anyway?” To which the reply was just a shrug and a simple. “Thank God you're here, I've been needing a slash for hours.”
Once the guards had disappeared, AJ and Amy took it in turns to find the entrance to the hidden city. Eventually it was found, funnily enough underneath one of the guard huts. AJ smiled as he took a torch from under his massive palace guard hat and shone it into the hole. He then told Amy to wait and climbed down, using the ladders attached to the hole while holding the torch in his mouth. Amy then waited until it was clear and put the hut back down. A number of tourists had grouped around the gates, looking at them, puzzled. Amy smiled. “Don't worry,” she said to the group, in a perfect English accent and pointed her thumb at the hut behind her. “That's just where we keep the spare hats. He has a hat emergency.”
A few minutes later, Amy heard a knocking from underneath the hut and quickly opened the hole. AJ climbed out, with a look of puzzlement on his face.
“How'd it go?” She asked.
“I have a note.” He replied, showing her a yellowing piece of parchment. Which he quickly pocketed.
“We'd better get out of here, then we can read it in peace.” Said Amy
“No, we can't” replied AJ, a little urgently. “We must finish our shift here first.”
“We have to do what?”
“Finish the shift, the Queen needs to be protected at all times.”
“From who?”
“People who try to get in the palace, people who don't belong there.” Replied AJ, with duty in his voice.
Amy sighed and resigned herself to the fact that they were working as palace guards until their watch was over.
“How long do these shifts last?” She asked, while standing to attention.
“Two hours.” Came the reply. Then nothing but silence as they both stood on guard.
Back to the Helicopter then! We're on the way to the Alamo, remember?
The parchment was safely tucked inside AJ's robe while they were flying, he was looking out of the window watching the Texan “countryside/desert/whatever they want to call it”. He patted his pocket reassuringly while Amy talked to him.
“And another thing, AJ, you told me the only reason I needed to be in San Antonio was because you needed some help with Katherine Phoenix.”
“Ah yes,” AJ snapped out of his daydream. “Katherine Phoenix. I need you to tell me all about her and how to beat her.”
“And we couldn't have done this over the phone?”
AJ shook his head. “I like you being here. It gives me some comfort. Besides, what else were you going to be doing on a Friday night?”
Amy looked at him incredulously. She had a date tonight that she had to cancel. An actual date, with a man. Like an attractive man who had a job. She remembers him saying he was an astronaut or something, she wasn't paying attention. She just remembered agreeing to meet him for a show on broadway after being lost in his eyes. She wasn't happy that she had to miss the date with the eyes. Not by a long shot. She didn't even have time to tell him that she couldn't go and already had 3 missed calls from him.
“I had a date.”
“A date?”
“Yes, a date.”
“Who with?”
“A guy.”
“A guy?”
“Yes.”
“What's his name?”
Amy started to respond to this, but the sound didn't come. She didn't actually know! Frowning she replied. “Good point. It was going to be a terrible date anyway.”
AJ smiled a little to himself. “Miss Phoenix then?”
Amy cleared her throat as she started to recite the dossier on her. “Katherine Phoenix, also known as the former secretary to the head of talent relations. 15 dex, 10 strength, 14 constitution, 16 intelligence, 14 wisdom, 18 charisma. She sits firmly on the chaotic side of the spectrum. She believes that everyone should be paid in cookies, that sex will trap the majority of people in her snare and tries her best to be good, but this is impossible for her.”
“I see, and what are her main weapons?”
“Well, she never gives up, she does get results and always finds a way to win through either skill or great cunning. She enjoys the company of her teddy bears, which seem like they comfort her and her child like behaviour indicates that her bears are.” She paused for a second. “Well, I believe her bears are demons, AJ and that she is controlled by them. It's the only explanation for her behaviour and how she acts.”
“How did you come to that conclusion?” Asked AJ, intrigued.
“Well, I had a suspicion from the start, the way she is about teddy bears reminds me of someone.”
“Lulu,” replied AJ, almost immediately.
“Lulu?”
“Lulu, from Final Fantasy 10. She holds her bear in much the same way as Phoenix holds hers. I have always believed that Lulu is just a conduit and the bear holds the power in that relationship. I think that's the same thing that's happening with Katherine. Katherine isn't a bad person, I just feel she's actually going insane due to the voices in her head from the bear that is controlling her mind. I should know, I had an intergalactic alien being with a blood-lust for Bonnie Blue take over me once. The signs all fit. I think we need to approach this match with guile and quite possibly be ready for an exorcism. I don't have the reagents though and I won't be able to get pickled bat testicles at this time.” AJ said this matter of factly.
“Interesting hypothesis. She doesn't carry a bear with her too often though.” Replied Amy.
“Not physically, no. There is one somewhere though, and it's evil. Trust me on this. I think that bear is the reason she passed out as well and she tried to tell us as she is fighting the possession. She blamed it on gummy bears, I think that's a call for help, you know, in code. It's her saying “this bear is gumming me up and I'm being taken over.” AJ thought for a moment about what to say next. “I think we can help her.”
“How?” Asked Amy. “She's fully gone to crazy town. She's actually mayor there. It's not like when you were possessed, at least you had moments of clarity. She doesn't even have that.”
“Ours is not to judge, Amy. Ours is to help. She may be too far gone, she may be redeemable. I think it is the latter. You can see it in her actions. She is always trying to latch on to someone, as a cry for help. She has tried to make her marriage with Holmes work, tried to hold on to him more tightly to make sure that he doesn't leave as she believes that Holmes will help her break this curse. He just so happens to be a really bad person though.”
“Er, AJ.” Amy rolled her eyes. “They were never married. It's something she made up.”
“Who'd make something like that up?” He asked, somewhat bemused.
“A nutjob? A total and utter crazy lunatic who's got more screws loose than the bridge of eternal doom over the chasm of Ang. I mean a literal, 100% fruit basket. Think Gollum, only female and mad.”
AJ shuddered as he considered the implications of this. “We're going to need another plan for this match then.” He replied.
“Such as?”
“Is there a build a bear workshop around here? I have a plan.” He then saw the Alamo looming in the window of the helicopter. “We're almost here.”
“Why do you think it's here anyway?” Amy asked.
“The note, says it all.” He took it out of his pocket and handed it to her. She opened it. It read.
If you're looking for the city of the lost,
We've moved it at no extra cost,
To Texas you go,
for this you should know,
Their bodies are covered in moss.
“Forliasa mages like to write in Limericks then?” Mused Amy.
“It certainly looks that way.”
“Strange people. So what's the plan when we land?”
“Well there is a plaza outside of the Alamo, the pilot has informed me he can land there, as long as there are no hotdog carts in the way. From there, we will proceed to the ticket booth and purchase two tickets to see the attraction. After which, we shall search the grounds.”
Amy nodded in agreement and saw that the helicopter was descending. Obviously there were no hotdog cards around so a landing was feasible. There was, however a crowd of curious Texans watching the plane land. Some had cowboy hats and boots, most were recording the entrance on their iPhones because why not? When something out of the ordinary happens the first human instinct is not to be wary of it, it's to get that fucking thing on youtube as quickly as possible so you can get internet points.
The helicopter landed and switched off the engine, AJ waited for the blades to stop spinning before getting out of the helicopter. He didn't want the wind and dust to get in his robe and hat. It's a bitch to get that out of your clothing, regardless of whether or not you have state of the art cleaning services on your own island. They strode to the front entrance of the building, the public gathering, who originally looked quite hopeful that some sort of celebrity was going to be getting out of the helicopter now looked dejected and many of them had already moved on and turned away to carry on doing what they were doing, presumably something Texan, like Bull Riding or Meat eating.
AJ bought the tickets, and a nice souvenir of a Mexican musket. It was Slashalot's birthday coming up and if there is anything he appreciated it was functional weaponry. He also bought an ice cream each and started to eat it while wandering the grounds, looking for an entrance. Amy started to work on the tour guide. There were a few tourists scattered here and there but all in all it seemed like a slow day at the Alamo. It wasn't a very big building, he admitted so it wouldn't take too long to scour the area for clues. However nothing really seemed to jump out at him as an entrance to a whole other city at first glance. The entrance at Buckingham Palace was well hidden though, so he knew this might take a while anyway so he set to work. He went to the barracks and found nothing, same with the hall. There were a couple of interesting looking items that he checked for entrances to a hidden city but came up short. By the time Amy had come to join him with the news that she had nothing AJ had almost completed a full sweep of the place and was getting frustrated. He knew it was here, it had to be. The clever bastards had somewhat hidden this a lot better than in England though. He did see some symbols in one of the rooms which were purported to be from the Knights of the Golden Circle and he thought at one point that it might be a lead. It turned out though that the symbols meant nothing and that the whole thing was because a bored soldier decided he liked to doodle.
He was in the shrine when he finally had a breakthrough. The shrine you see had a small room to the side of it that consisted of a stone cylinder and a painting, which was off limits to the public. AJ hopped the barrier and looked around. It was just an antechamber really, but he saw something out of the corner of his eye while he was just about to dismiss the room as another dead end. It was a small, almost imperceptible pinhole camera, set within the painting with a tiny microphone next to it.
“Odd” He said to Amy, pointing at the camera, which was set in the eye of the person in the portrait. “Wonder what this is.”
“And why has no one ever noticed it before?” She mused.
AJ studied the painting closely and spoke into the microphone.
“Citizens of Forliasa, are you there?” He asked, in a hushed tone.
There was no response. AJ waited a few seconds and tried again.
“Citizens of Forliasa, it is I, Andre Jenson. I discovered the note you left in London, I am here to form an alliance with your great rulers. I mean you no harm and I do not wish to plunder your gold.”
Again this was met with silence. AJ was starting to get a little frustrated. He held the note up to the camera. “This is proof of the note, I am not here to harm, I am here to help you. For the benefit of Forliasan kind.”
Again, silence. AJ figured the camera was actually to the security services of the Alamo at this point and was fully expecting the Alamo security team to come flying through the building to extract them. They didn't come though. Instead, the cylinder on the floor started to spin slowly and raise itself. It kept going higher and higher until eventually you could see a chamber underneath it, spinning around as it got higher. Stopping with a clank when it filled the whole height of the room. Inside the chamber was a sullen looking man, wearing full plate and with his hand firmly attached to the hilt of the sword, resting in his scabbard.
“Who are you?” The man demanded.
“I'm Lord Andre Jenson. I have come in peace to treat with the citizens of Forliasa so that you no longer have to hide from the outside world and can once again bring magic to this realm.”
“Not interested!” Said the man, who then moved his hand to the button, which seemed to control the chamber.
“Also!” AJ interjected, before the man could do this. “We can help you with technology and inventions. People here have gotten quite good at making things that don't require magic. Such as lifts.”
“Lifts?” The guard asked, intrigued.
“Lifts.” AJ nodded. “They are similar to the chamber you are currently standing in. I assume that by the configuration of the rising chamber, it is done through a combination of levitation magic and a corkscrew effect to ensure that it stays in place if the magic fails and makes sure that it goes truly upward, yes? I can also bet it makes you dizzy going up and down.”
The guard looked at AJ in a sense of wonder and confusement. “How do you know this?” He relaxed his hand from the sword, sighed and rubbed his hand through his slick hair. “And yes, the bloody thing makes us dizzy as anything. The whole city is littered with them, they use them all over the place. If you ask me the whole thing needs a redesign. What's this lift?”
“Simple really, we have a similar contraption here, the uses a shaft with a system of cables to go up and down, vertically with no spinning.”
The guards eyes lit up at this. “Well I never. You guys can do that? Just go up and down with no spinning or magic? Blimey!”
“That we can. We can also traverse stairs without moving our legs.”
The guards eyes nearly popped out of his head with this new bit of information. “The Gods! You truly have come along in the past 700 years! Next you'll be telling us you have audio visual equipment too!”
AJ chuckled a little at this, “We did notice your cameras in the painting, that's a nice touch.”
“Cameras?” He asked.
“Yes, in the painting. Here.” He pointed at it and the guard noticed the tiny camera embedded into the eye of the portrait.
The guard shook his head. “That's not us. We know not of this technology. For our audio visual equipment we use crystals.”
“Strange,” said AJ. I wonder who that is then. He then turned back to the guard, who was stomping back to the chamber. “So, can we come in then?”
“No.” Said the guard, flatly. “You need to prove yourself in hand to hand combat before I let you in.”
“OK!” He said hotly. “I am master of 19 different styles of battle. Name your champion, name the terms! I will avow to defeat them and prove myself in your eyes.”
The guard stared at him for a hard minute, as if he was appraising him and wondering whether or not the challenge was serious enough, for the longest time AJ felt an aura of discomfort while the guard once again put his hand to his hilt.
“Very well.” The guard stated. “Katherine Phoenix, Sunday night.” With that, he pressed the button to send the chamber down. On the way down he also stated. “And we will be watching you to see if you are worthy.”
“What the? How did you know?” Started AJ as the guard disappeared from view. He looked at Amy who merely shrugged.
“I guess you have to beat Kat on Sunday then.” She said bluntly. “We should get out of here, I have a bad feeling about that camera.”
Not that they had any other reason to believe there was a massive, functional and ancient city lying underneath it and the Alamo is just simply the watchtower so that the residents of this city can keep an eye on the local populace and make suitable adjustments, just in case. You see, the people who reside in Forliasa are very much secluded and they like it that way thank you very much. They don't want any truck with the people on the surface or anything like that, they just like to stay underground and not bother anyone, leaving the rest of the world to do what they bloody well pleased with itself.
At least that's what AJ had understood. You see, he's spent the last few years with the council trying to find this city and he was now closing in on it. It just so happened that he was going to be in San Antonio for the next Slam and it worked out well that he figured the city was underneath the Alamo. He sat in his helicopter, nervously fidgeting with excitement, knowing that the time he had spent was finally going to be worth it.
“Stop fidgeting” came a voice over the headset. It was Amy, who was smiling at him from the other side of the helicopter.
“I can not help myself.” He replied. “If the city is here, it will be the culmination of years of research.” He smiled, trying to cover it up as best he could.
“Remember London though, AJ.” Amy replied in warning. A little more sternly than she intended.
London, as it turned out was a small disaster. AJ had thought that the city was there, deep underground, serviced by the tube stations and accessible via Buckingham Palace. He quickly found a number of issues.
Issue number 1 occurred when he stepped off the plane at Gatwick Airport and realised that Virgin Atlantic had lost his luggage, as they tend to do. He had to fill out 34 forms, talk to 10 people and explain what his baggage looked like to at least 4 supervisors. Each one of the conversations went like this:
“Hello, Sir! I appear to have been de-baggaged upon exiting your steel bird. What are the procedures for getting said baggage back?”
“You Wot mate? You 'avin a larf? We aint facking around you know in 'ere. If you lost a bag, fill out the form and we'll take a butchers for ya. Why you talkin' like a right fanny cant?”
“Excuse me sir? I do not know of your language. Is that from the land of Eusabas? Do you speak the common tongue?” AJ at this point also started to speak more slowly and loudly. “DOES....THOU....KNOWEST.....WHERE.....MY....LUGGAGE.....WENT....”
This was then usually followed up by a form being forcibly thrusted into his hands, followed by a curt “Fack orf back to 'Ogwarts you mag!” and the chap walking away muttering about people “taking the piss” and something to do with “Harry Potter wankers.”
That wasn't the end of the bad time in London, it got worse. You see, AJ arrived in London at approximately the same time as the biggest Harry Potter convention in history was happening. Which could explain the grumpy nature of the staff at Gatwick. Who would want thousands upon thousands of Americans turning up to your airport daily? Especially when they are all wearing wizard gear and pretending to be students at Hogwarts. Then you have the problem that they are Londoners, so living there naturally makes you less inclined to speak to people as a real human anyway.
This presented issue number 2. By his understanding, Harry Potter was real. He hadn't seen the films or read the books, he'd been told the story about the boy wizard who lived and assumed that Harry, Hogwarts and platform 9 ¾ is a real thing. Being landed smack in the middle of the biggest Harry Potter convention known to man caused a bit of a problem. He first noticed something was not quite right when some teenager was running past him, in full Hufflepuff gear, chasing down and trying to put a death curse on a middle aged man who was wearing a professor Snape costume. Snape was running away while holding a goblet above his head. He was shouting “I'VE GOT IT, I'VE GOT IT! I HAVE THE HUFFLEPUFF CUP!” This caused a bit of a stir amongst the rest of the Hufflepuffs in the vicinity as literally 10s of kids started to chase him down, shouting things like “EXPELLIARMUS” and “WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA.”
AJ chuckled to himself and looked at Amy, who's eyes were filled with dread.
“Amateurs!” He looked at Amy, hopefully. “I need to teach them the arts of spellcasting.”
“AJ,” Amy started
He held up his bag, for Amy to take it from him.
“AJ, really N....” AJ cut her off by dropping the bag on her shoulder and slapping her on the back. “No” she finished as he wandered off toward the throng of potential wizards in the crowd of Slytherins nearby. Within seconds he had brandished his wand at about 4 kids and was explaining the difference between a somatic spell and a verbal spell. His intention was to make them better wizards, the result was a shouting match between him and a 12 year old who insisted that Sectum Sempra was a badass spell and that AJ was a “muggle” for thinking that his simple dissipate spell could get rid of a death mark. This ended up in AJ challenging, the kid, rather loudly, to a wizard duel. A crowd of kids gathered round them, creating a makeshift arena. Security started looking on in suspicion. Amy got nervous.
AJ stared down the 12 year old Slytherin who stared right back at him, wand in hand, ready to strike like a cobra. Which is just how she wanted it because well, she's a Slytherin, snakes are their thing. Did I mention the kid was a 12 year old girl? Yeah, that's right. AJ is in a wizard showdown with a 12 year old Harry Potter superfan girl. She even had a stuffed owl on her shoulder. So you know she's serious. With a look of intense focus on her face, she bowed. AJ bowed in return. It didn't take long after this, probably 2 or 3 seconds before all hell broke loose. AJ flicked his wrist, so did the girl, they both ducked and weaved while shouting spells at each other, locked in intensely furious combat. AJ found a way to roll and read some die while they were fighting and inch by inch they got closer and closer to each other as they tried to get a better angle for their spells to hit. Spell after spell and counter spell were figuratively being flung through the air in a frenzy of imagination. Eventually they were standing toe to toe and they both froze as they realised this was it, the last shot would end it and neither of them were willing to make the first move.
The girl stared a hole right through AJ and snarled slightly. “Your move” she smirked, knowing that if AJ even tried to make so much as a basic spell then the wand pointing right at his stomach would end him with an Avada Kedavra spell. AJ smirked as this happened, thought about his options and held up his wand in submission. “Well met” he said, loudly. “You have bested me, boy.”
The girl narrowed her eyes in annoyance. “I'M A FUCKING GIRL!” And she punched AJ in the midriff as hard as she could, winding him somewhat before storming off. AJ, hunching over wheezed to Amy who had come to extract him from the situation. “I guess that's why she's in Slytherin.”
Issue number 3 came when AJ and Amy attempted to get access to Buckingham Palace. For some unknown reason to AJ they were denied access on the grounds of him “not being a real lord, now bugger off.” From his point of view, he should have been given the diplomatic access. Alas, the Queen didn't agree. So AJ had to come up with a plan B. Plan B involved them going to the palace and distracting the palace guard via the format of cosplay. She managed to fashion a couple of beefeater outfits with perfect authenticity from their hotel room. The idea was for them to initiate a change of guard from the palace, getting in through the guard entrance with their uniforms, and once the guards had left they'd have time to search the grounds for the entrance to the city. To cut a long story short, the plan worked to perfection. They walked up to the palace with their outfits, were admitted to the grounds and convinced the guards that they could now leave their little huts and go take a break. They even got away with AJ asking one of the guards “Just why the hell do you, I mean we sponsor that Dustin Beaver guy anyway?” To which the reply was just a shrug and a simple. “Thank God you're here, I've been needing a slash for hours.”
Once the guards had disappeared, AJ and Amy took it in turns to find the entrance to the hidden city. Eventually it was found, funnily enough underneath one of the guard huts. AJ smiled as he took a torch from under his massive palace guard hat and shone it into the hole. He then told Amy to wait and climbed down, using the ladders attached to the hole while holding the torch in his mouth. Amy then waited until it was clear and put the hut back down. A number of tourists had grouped around the gates, looking at them, puzzled. Amy smiled. “Don't worry,” she said to the group, in a perfect English accent and pointed her thumb at the hut behind her. “That's just where we keep the spare hats. He has a hat emergency.”
A few minutes later, Amy heard a knocking from underneath the hut and quickly opened the hole. AJ climbed out, with a look of puzzlement on his face.
“How'd it go?” She asked.
“I have a note.” He replied, showing her a yellowing piece of parchment. Which he quickly pocketed.
“We'd better get out of here, then we can read it in peace.” Said Amy
“No, we can't” replied AJ, a little urgently. “We must finish our shift here first.”
“We have to do what?”
“Finish the shift, the Queen needs to be protected at all times.”
“From who?”
“People who try to get in the palace, people who don't belong there.” Replied AJ, with duty in his voice.
Amy sighed and resigned herself to the fact that they were working as palace guards until their watch was over.
“How long do these shifts last?” She asked, while standing to attention.
“Two hours.” Came the reply. Then nothing but silence as they both stood on guard.
Back to the Helicopter then! We're on the way to the Alamo, remember?
The parchment was safely tucked inside AJ's robe while they were flying, he was looking out of the window watching the Texan “countryside/desert/whatever they want to call it”. He patted his pocket reassuringly while Amy talked to him.
“And another thing, AJ, you told me the only reason I needed to be in San Antonio was because you needed some help with Katherine Phoenix.”
“Ah yes,” AJ snapped out of his daydream. “Katherine Phoenix. I need you to tell me all about her and how to beat her.”
“And we couldn't have done this over the phone?”
AJ shook his head. “I like you being here. It gives me some comfort. Besides, what else were you going to be doing on a Friday night?”
Amy looked at him incredulously. She had a date tonight that she had to cancel. An actual date, with a man. Like an attractive man who had a job. She remembers him saying he was an astronaut or something, she wasn't paying attention. She just remembered agreeing to meet him for a show on broadway after being lost in his eyes. She wasn't happy that she had to miss the date with the eyes. Not by a long shot. She didn't even have time to tell him that she couldn't go and already had 3 missed calls from him.
“I had a date.”
“A date?”
“Yes, a date.”
“Who with?”
“A guy.”
“A guy?”
“Yes.”
“What's his name?”
Amy started to respond to this, but the sound didn't come. She didn't actually know! Frowning she replied. “Good point. It was going to be a terrible date anyway.”
AJ smiled a little to himself. “Miss Phoenix then?”
Amy cleared her throat as she started to recite the dossier on her. “Katherine Phoenix, also known as the former secretary to the head of talent relations. 15 dex, 10 strength, 14 constitution, 16 intelligence, 14 wisdom, 18 charisma. She sits firmly on the chaotic side of the spectrum. She believes that everyone should be paid in cookies, that sex will trap the majority of people in her snare and tries her best to be good, but this is impossible for her.”
“I see, and what are her main weapons?”
“Well, she never gives up, she does get results and always finds a way to win through either skill or great cunning. She enjoys the company of her teddy bears, which seem like they comfort her and her child like behaviour indicates that her bears are.” She paused for a second. “Well, I believe her bears are demons, AJ and that she is controlled by them. It's the only explanation for her behaviour and how she acts.”
“How did you come to that conclusion?” Asked AJ, intrigued.
“Well, I had a suspicion from the start, the way she is about teddy bears reminds me of someone.”
“Lulu,” replied AJ, almost immediately.
“Lulu?”
“Lulu, from Final Fantasy 10. She holds her bear in much the same way as Phoenix holds hers. I have always believed that Lulu is just a conduit and the bear holds the power in that relationship. I think that's the same thing that's happening with Katherine. Katherine isn't a bad person, I just feel she's actually going insane due to the voices in her head from the bear that is controlling her mind. I should know, I had an intergalactic alien being with a blood-lust for Bonnie Blue take over me once. The signs all fit. I think we need to approach this match with guile and quite possibly be ready for an exorcism. I don't have the reagents though and I won't be able to get pickled bat testicles at this time.” AJ said this matter of factly.
“Interesting hypothesis. She doesn't carry a bear with her too often though.” Replied Amy.
“Not physically, no. There is one somewhere though, and it's evil. Trust me on this. I think that bear is the reason she passed out as well and she tried to tell us as she is fighting the possession. She blamed it on gummy bears, I think that's a call for help, you know, in code. It's her saying “this bear is gumming me up and I'm being taken over.” AJ thought for a moment about what to say next. “I think we can help her.”
“How?” Asked Amy. “She's fully gone to crazy town. She's actually mayor there. It's not like when you were possessed, at least you had moments of clarity. She doesn't even have that.”
“Ours is not to judge, Amy. Ours is to help. She may be too far gone, she may be redeemable. I think it is the latter. You can see it in her actions. She is always trying to latch on to someone, as a cry for help. She has tried to make her marriage with Holmes work, tried to hold on to him more tightly to make sure that he doesn't leave as she believes that Holmes will help her break this curse. He just so happens to be a really bad person though.”
“Er, AJ.” Amy rolled her eyes. “They were never married. It's something she made up.”
“Who'd make something like that up?” He asked, somewhat bemused.
“A nutjob? A total and utter crazy lunatic who's got more screws loose than the bridge of eternal doom over the chasm of Ang. I mean a literal, 100% fruit basket. Think Gollum, only female and mad.”
AJ shuddered as he considered the implications of this. “We're going to need another plan for this match then.” He replied.
“Such as?”
“Is there a build a bear workshop around here? I have a plan.” He then saw the Alamo looming in the window of the helicopter. “We're almost here.”
“Why do you think it's here anyway?” Amy asked.
“The note, says it all.” He took it out of his pocket and handed it to her. She opened it. It read.
If you're looking for the city of the lost,
We've moved it at no extra cost,
To Texas you go,
for this you should know,
Their bodies are covered in moss.
“Forliasa mages like to write in Limericks then?” Mused Amy.
“It certainly looks that way.”
“Strange people. So what's the plan when we land?”
“Well there is a plaza outside of the Alamo, the pilot has informed me he can land there, as long as there are no hotdog carts in the way. From there, we will proceed to the ticket booth and purchase two tickets to see the attraction. After which, we shall search the grounds.”
Amy nodded in agreement and saw that the helicopter was descending. Obviously there were no hotdog cards around so a landing was feasible. There was, however a crowd of curious Texans watching the plane land. Some had cowboy hats and boots, most were recording the entrance on their iPhones because why not? When something out of the ordinary happens the first human instinct is not to be wary of it, it's to get that fucking thing on youtube as quickly as possible so you can get internet points.
The helicopter landed and switched off the engine, AJ waited for the blades to stop spinning before getting out of the helicopter. He didn't want the wind and dust to get in his robe and hat. It's a bitch to get that out of your clothing, regardless of whether or not you have state of the art cleaning services on your own island. They strode to the front entrance of the building, the public gathering, who originally looked quite hopeful that some sort of celebrity was going to be getting out of the helicopter now looked dejected and many of them had already moved on and turned away to carry on doing what they were doing, presumably something Texan, like Bull Riding or Meat eating.
AJ bought the tickets, and a nice souvenir of a Mexican musket. It was Slashalot's birthday coming up and if there is anything he appreciated it was functional weaponry. He also bought an ice cream each and started to eat it while wandering the grounds, looking for an entrance. Amy started to work on the tour guide. There were a few tourists scattered here and there but all in all it seemed like a slow day at the Alamo. It wasn't a very big building, he admitted so it wouldn't take too long to scour the area for clues. However nothing really seemed to jump out at him as an entrance to a whole other city at first glance. The entrance at Buckingham Palace was well hidden though, so he knew this might take a while anyway so he set to work. He went to the barracks and found nothing, same with the hall. There were a couple of interesting looking items that he checked for entrances to a hidden city but came up short. By the time Amy had come to join him with the news that she had nothing AJ had almost completed a full sweep of the place and was getting frustrated. He knew it was here, it had to be. The clever bastards had somewhat hidden this a lot better than in England though. He did see some symbols in one of the rooms which were purported to be from the Knights of the Golden Circle and he thought at one point that it might be a lead. It turned out though that the symbols meant nothing and that the whole thing was because a bored soldier decided he liked to doodle.
He was in the shrine when he finally had a breakthrough. The shrine you see had a small room to the side of it that consisted of a stone cylinder and a painting, which was off limits to the public. AJ hopped the barrier and looked around. It was just an antechamber really, but he saw something out of the corner of his eye while he was just about to dismiss the room as another dead end. It was a small, almost imperceptible pinhole camera, set within the painting with a tiny microphone next to it.
“Odd” He said to Amy, pointing at the camera, which was set in the eye of the person in the portrait. “Wonder what this is.”
“And why has no one ever noticed it before?” She mused.
AJ studied the painting closely and spoke into the microphone.
“Citizens of Forliasa, are you there?” He asked, in a hushed tone.
There was no response. AJ waited a few seconds and tried again.
“Citizens of Forliasa, it is I, Andre Jenson. I discovered the note you left in London, I am here to form an alliance with your great rulers. I mean you no harm and I do not wish to plunder your gold.”
Again this was met with silence. AJ was starting to get a little frustrated. He held the note up to the camera. “This is proof of the note, I am not here to harm, I am here to help you. For the benefit of Forliasan kind.”
Again, silence. AJ figured the camera was actually to the security services of the Alamo at this point and was fully expecting the Alamo security team to come flying through the building to extract them. They didn't come though. Instead, the cylinder on the floor started to spin slowly and raise itself. It kept going higher and higher until eventually you could see a chamber underneath it, spinning around as it got higher. Stopping with a clank when it filled the whole height of the room. Inside the chamber was a sullen looking man, wearing full plate and with his hand firmly attached to the hilt of the sword, resting in his scabbard.
“Who are you?” The man demanded.
“I'm Lord Andre Jenson. I have come in peace to treat with the citizens of Forliasa so that you no longer have to hide from the outside world and can once again bring magic to this realm.”
“Not interested!” Said the man, who then moved his hand to the button, which seemed to control the chamber.
“Also!” AJ interjected, before the man could do this. “We can help you with technology and inventions. People here have gotten quite good at making things that don't require magic. Such as lifts.”
“Lifts?” The guard asked, intrigued.
“Lifts.” AJ nodded. “They are similar to the chamber you are currently standing in. I assume that by the configuration of the rising chamber, it is done through a combination of levitation magic and a corkscrew effect to ensure that it stays in place if the magic fails and makes sure that it goes truly upward, yes? I can also bet it makes you dizzy going up and down.”
The guard looked at AJ in a sense of wonder and confusement. “How do you know this?” He relaxed his hand from the sword, sighed and rubbed his hand through his slick hair. “And yes, the bloody thing makes us dizzy as anything. The whole city is littered with them, they use them all over the place. If you ask me the whole thing needs a redesign. What's this lift?”
“Simple really, we have a similar contraption here, the uses a shaft with a system of cables to go up and down, vertically with no spinning.”
The guards eyes lit up at this. “Well I never. You guys can do that? Just go up and down with no spinning or magic? Blimey!”
“That we can. We can also traverse stairs without moving our legs.”
The guards eyes nearly popped out of his head with this new bit of information. “The Gods! You truly have come along in the past 700 years! Next you'll be telling us you have audio visual equipment too!”
AJ chuckled a little at this, “We did notice your cameras in the painting, that's a nice touch.”
“Cameras?” He asked.
“Yes, in the painting. Here.” He pointed at it and the guard noticed the tiny camera embedded into the eye of the portrait.
The guard shook his head. “That's not us. We know not of this technology. For our audio visual equipment we use crystals.”
“Strange,” said AJ. I wonder who that is then. He then turned back to the guard, who was stomping back to the chamber. “So, can we come in then?”
“No.” Said the guard, flatly. “You need to prove yourself in hand to hand combat before I let you in.”
“OK!” He said hotly. “I am master of 19 different styles of battle. Name your champion, name the terms! I will avow to defeat them and prove myself in your eyes.”
The guard stared at him for a hard minute, as if he was appraising him and wondering whether or not the challenge was serious enough, for the longest time AJ felt an aura of discomfort while the guard once again put his hand to his hilt.
“Very well.” The guard stated. “Katherine Phoenix, Sunday night.” With that, he pressed the button to send the chamber down. On the way down he also stated. “And we will be watching you to see if you are worthy.”
“What the? How did you know?” Started AJ as the guard disappeared from view. He looked at Amy who merely shrugged.
“I guess you have to beat Kat on Sunday then.” She said bluntly. “We should get out of here, I have a bad feeling about that camera.”
