Post by Dustin Beaver on Feb 11, 2016 2:01:24 GMT -5
Saturday February 13th, 10:30 pm
Dustin Beaver stands in the middle of the Wadi Al-Salaam Cemetery in Najaf, Iraq along with five other WCF wrestlers. It’s a cool evening as the wind whips across the tan colored terrain. Beavs carries his m4 carbine assault rifle at his side; the other WCF members with him are armed as well. All six of these men are ready for a battle, a battle that is possibly far greater than any test they had faced in a wrestling ring. Beaver turns to the WCF cameraman who had drawn the short straw and was forced to tag along for the undertaking these men were about to endure.
Dustin Beaver: “Howdy there Beavlievers and #beachkrew groupies. There will be no enthusiasm from your Supreme Beavliever this week as I face a possible life or death situation. I am in the middle of the shithole they call Iraq, standing in the largest cemetery in the entire world. SOMEONE in WCF thought it would be entertainment to send the Great Beaver along with five other brave ass mother fuckers to this land of the dead because of an inevitable zombie uprising.”
Beavs holds up his m4 carbine to the camera.
DB: “At least they provided us with these bad ass weapons. I’m actually looking forward to shooting up these already dead assholes, I had a blast the last time I went shooting with the real tag champs, Rabid and Kemp!”
The expression on Beaver’s face turns sullen and he looks at the ground for a moment before returning his gaze to the camera.
DB: “But the truth of the situation is that possibly not even one of us will be able to come back from this zombie onslaught that we’re all taking head on.”
Beaver steps to his side to reveal the men preparing themselves behind him.
DB: “If this is the last time you see any of the six of us, I want to say just a few things about these guys, just so no one forgets any of these fearless souls.”
Beaver waves his arm at the camera as he motions for it to follow him. He walks over to the group and puts his arm around a large man furthest to the left.
DB: “Ladies and gentlemen, this 6’9 300 pound hunk of man right here is known as Clusterfunk. This guy is the man when it comes to clusterfuck situations. I would venture to say he’s been involved in more clusterfuck matches than anyone in WCF history. I mean, look at this guy’s mullet people! He obviously means fucking business! That hair may say party in the back, but it most definitely says business in the front. I wouldn’t be surprised if this legend right here wild punches and stomps his way through hundreds of zombies tonight whenever the action begins!”
Beaver slaps the big man on the shoulder.
DB: “He promised me he’d unleash the ‘Clusterfuck’ finisher on a zombie that matched his great size, so stick around to see that happen, folks!”
Beavs walks a short distance to his right and shakes hands with an athletic looking young man with dark brown skin, dark brown eyes and jet black hair. The young man is loading 5.56 rounds into a magazine, likely for the m16a4 service rifle he has slung around his shoulder.
DB: “This fine, upstanding young African prince standing next to me is CJ Phoenix. He hasn’t been around in WCF too long, but having seen quite a few people enter this industry already, I can tell that the future is bright for this particular gentleman. This guy is going to hit so many ‘Talon Kicks’ on zombies tonight that we’ll probably have to rename it the ‘Zombie Kick’. I tried to get one of Phoenix’s ‘Spearfest’ shirts at a recent show, but OF COURSE they were sold out! If…When we make it out of this hell hole, if Mr. Phoenix would want to have a match with the Great Beaver, it would be an honor for me to share the ring with such a rising name like this Phoenix right here.”
Beaver and Phoenix slightly nod to each other in a show of respect as Beaver continues moving to his right and the next person in the gang. He walks up behind the luchador next in line and starts rubbing the shoulders of the masked man, in a manly way of course. Teo del Sol turns around and begins to laugh as he sees that it was Beaver that had snuck up on him. The Mexican claimed wrestler gives Beavs a high five as Beaver puts his arm around him and turns back towards the camera once again.
DB: “Teddy Blaze right here folks, or as you may know him, Teo del Sol, is a true man of the people. I mean, just look at the gold this stud is going to be wearing into battle!”
Beaver kneels down and motions for the cameraman to zoom in on Teo’s People’s title belt. Beavs ooh’s and ah’s at the People’s belt before standing up once again.
DB: “Ol’ Teo and I go back awhile now. There was a time where I challenged the then SeaV champ Teo for his belt. I’ll admit Teddy beat me that night, I came hard at him but he managed to catch me in a super cool flippy shit move! It was like I was standing one second and then whoa! I’m all upside down and confused now! But this guy really represents the extreme southern US, or Mexico I suppose you could call it, with class. Never an ill word towards anyone, always a smile on what you can see of this beautiful face. If I was ever down, Teddy Blaze is the first person I would call to cheer me up! I’m sure he’d have a compliment or a clever joke handy to raise my spirits. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if Teo del Sol ends up being the longest reigning People’s champ in WCF history, the guy is just that damn good! Oh yeah, and you should see the WCF SuperCard lineup this guy has on his phone! He just recently maxed out a Pro Legendary Joey Flash; he can beat anyone in that fucking game now!”
Beaver and Teo share a laugh and a bro hug before Beavs continues his trip down the line. The next person in Beaver’s pack also wears gold around their waist. The features of the shirtless man with black denim pants shine under the pale glow of the moonlight, as he polishes up a katana blade.
DB: “This man right here and I have also faced each other in battle before and I can tell you first hand that he’s a real champion folks, just like that tag title belt around his waist suggests. Gemini Battle, Grayson Pierce, Livewire, whatever the fuck you want to call him, by any name, this guy is just fucking GOOD. Arguably one of the greatest US title reigns of recent memory as well. While his win-loss record isn’t the best in the organization, it gets thrown out the window when you look at the level of competition this man faces week after week. If I was constantly booked in the main event myself, I’m sure I’d have less wins to my name than this warrior. However, Mr. Pierce does technically have a win over a team that I was in so he’s got that going for him as well! Yup, when it comes down to it, Grayson is a man that I want on my side when whether I’m going to live or die is at stake, so it will be a pleasure to see him work his magic.”
Beavs fist bumps Pierce before slowly strolling over the last person in his band of merry men. All Beaver can do is stare at the belt that the last man proudly displays around his waist. A small tear forms in the corner of Beavs’ eye as he reminisces about all of the good times he had with his SeaV belt. But this is no reflection of himself that Beaver is staring at in a mirror, oh no, this is 6’6 270 pounds of American muscle known as Stuart Slane, the former Scoutmaster. This is the man that had reappeared in the WCF a short time ago after a long hiatus and retook the fans’ hearts in no time with his brilliant performances and God given natural charisma. Beavs stared up at Slane as Slane stared right back at him, Beaver nodding repeatedly acknowledging the presence of his not so long ago nemesis.
DB: “And this last man, ladies and gentlemen, this last man is the current WSeaF SeaV… excuse me, the current WCF TV champ, Stunning Stu Slane. This barrel chested beaut of a man beat me at my own game. He is every bit the champion of the fans’ hearts and minds as he says he is. I’ve seen the guy’s work upfront and in my face on more than one occasion, and while he may not claim to be a legend in WCF, he is whether he chooses to recognize it as fact or not.”
Slane’s eyes widen at Beaver’s words of praise for him. It’s clear that Slane did not think Beavs would think so highly of the grizzled veteran.
DB: “If Stuart Slane ever wants to tango with the Great Beaver for another round, all he has to do is pick up the phone and let a nilla know. The Beavlievers want it, the #beachkrew brethren want it, and I want it so let’s make it happen again sometime soon!”
Slane throws his arms up and shrugs his shoulders at an eager looking Beaver.
DB: “And since we’re already on the subject of people who are bad-asses through and through, let me give a special shout out to someone who sadly couldn’t be here this evening but is here in spirit. This man and I have gone toe to toe on multiple occasions and he constantly proves that he is the toughest SOB in the business, and you know what, I’d even venture to say that he is my favorite person in ALL of the WCF. Yes, the man I’m of course talking about is none other than… Occulo! My brother, it’s all love on this end honey, they could put us in a hundred matches together and I wouldn’t get tired of seeing your striking features as those steely eyes stared me down like a piece of meat. I’m sure we’ll get another chance to dance again sometime soon, and I for one can’t wait! You keep doing what you do baby boo, and I’ll make sure that the Great Beaver is ready for you!”
As Beaver is finishing up his kind words for his good friend, a green oozing hand sticks up from the dirt, not more than 5 feet in front of the group. The sound of loud groaning and earth shifting soon follows the hand and it becomes apparent to everyone that the zombie invasion has begun.
DB: “Oh shit, here we go everyone! Hold on to your butts!”
Beavs runs up to the hand that was still trying to pull itself to the surface and gives it a hard stomp. The cameraman runs behind Beaver as he readies his m4 to begin mowing down his undead foes. The cameraman pans the scene in front of the group of daring WCF wrestlers and he comes to rest on a very large zombie, still dressed in a turban and harem pants, even though what was left of his skin was severely discolored or just not there. Right after focusing in on the massive zombie, the master of the mullet himself, Clusterfunk, runs up and clotheslines the zombie, making him explode into a million pieces. From off screen, Beaver’s voice can be heard.
DB voice: “Damn son, did you catch that! The ‘Clusterfuck’ from Clusterfunk blew that bitch the fuck up! That was awesome!”
The cameraman continues to survey the scene as he begins to follow the young CJ Phoenix. The camera catches Phoenix running up to a zombie, however another zombie sees what’s happening and positions himself behind Phoenix, making it a two on one situation.
DB voice: “Oh no, it looks like CJ Phoenix is trapped here, what’s going to happen?!”
Phoenix glances over his shoulder and notices the predicament he now finds himself in. The camera catches CJ chuckling to himself and then all of a sudden, he lets out a battle cry and spears the zombie in front of him, making the zombie explode. The zombie that was behind him comes charging in shortly after that but Phoenix manages to stand up in time and delivers a ‘Talon Kick’ that sends the zombie’s head flying several feet away.
DB voice: “Fuck yeah! CJ Phoenix with the mother fuckin’ ‘Zombie Kick’, son! See you next time, biaaaaatch!”
The camera continues to franticly pan the action as the cameraman now stops and focuses in on Teo Del Sol, who we see is standing on top of a mausoleum, as a very hungry looking zombie claws and tries to jump his way up to Teo to get a piece of him.
DB voice: “Oh no, it looks like Teddy might be in some trouble here. What’s he going to do?!”
Just after Beaver asks his question, Teo jumps off the mausoleum and hammers the zombie with a huge jumping spinning back kick.
DB voice: “Oh shit, the ‘Habanero Hurricane’! I wonder if he’s going to follow that up with what we all know he better follow it up with!”
Teo’s move had momentarily stunned the zombie, and Del Sol quickly scurried his way back to the top of the mausoleum.
DB voice: “Hell yeah, here we go!”
Teo jumps off the mausoleum once again, hitting the zombie with a colossal body splash. The impact from the splash bursts the zombie, covering Teo in zombie goo.
DB voice: “And there it was, the ‘Habanero High Dive’, I love it! But ew, Teo’s wrestling attire might need a few washes to get all of those zombie guts out of it!”
The cameraman once again moves the camera to continue to cover the action. He next stops on Grayson Pierce, who is slashing up some zombies with his katana. We watch as Pierce decapitates a couple of poor hapless zombies, but his sword is knocked out of his hands from behind, as one zombie had gotten tired of watching his friends get annihilated. Pierce spins around and is face to face with the snarling beast that was looking to make Grayson his next meal.
DB voice: “Well looks like Pierce might have found a formidable adversary out there, let’s see what happens!”
The zombie attempts to lunge at Grayson and claw him but Pierce easily sidesteps the zombie and he grabs the zombie’s head from behind, making sure to watch where his fingers are. Grayson jumps up and falls on his back, bringing his knees up and dropping the back of the zombie’s head on his knees. Pierce stands up with the zombie’s head still in his hands as the zombie’s body still lies motionless on the ground.
DB voice: “God’s Paradox! He fucking nailed that asshole with that one! And look, its head is still in his hands, fucking brutal!”
The camera moves once again and this time comes to rest on the former Scoutmaster, Stuart Slane. Slane finds himself in a similar situation to the young CJ Phoenix, as he is squares off against two zombies at once. However both zombies are directly in front of Slane, one on each side of him. After a lengthy stare down, the zombies finally think that they have an opportunity and both charge Slane at the same time. Slane has other ideas however, as he grabs both zombies by the back of the head at the same time, one in each hand. In one smooth motion, Slane lifts both zombies off of the ground and smashes what is left of their skulls together, blowing up both heads at the same time and sending both of their bodies falling harmlessly to the ground.
DB voice: “Yup, I already told you guys once, but I’ll say it again. That Stuart Slane is a fucking legend people, better recognize.”
The camera once again turns to Beaver as he still stands where the group originally was.
DB: “Well I suppose it’s my turn to go get some. I’m motivated as hell right now after seeing all of these men raising hell out there. Now it’s time for the master to teach these zombie noobs a lesson, huzzah!”
The camera follows Beaver as he charges a zombie that had just awoken from its restless slumber. Beavs immediately hits the undead combatant with a Beaver-to-Belly, leaving him incapacitated on the ground. Beaver takes aim with his m4 and pumps a few rounds in the zombie’s head, finishing him off for good. Beaver raises his m4 in the air in celebration while facing the camera.
DB: “#beachkrew for sea life! WSeaF for life!”
