Post by Zombie DankMorris on Feb 5, 2016 8:29:46 GMT -5
RP 1
WCF Slam
Teo Del Sol
vs.
Zombie McMorris
__________________________________
Chapter I: Ham N’ Toasty
:: Yo. Straight up, now was the time. Now was the time to go pickin for a rare cactus pear. This shit would get you trippin balls like Balls Mctrippington, or other such hallucinating drugs. I’m somewhere south of New Mexico, the deep south of New Mexico: Old Mexico. I’m Wrapped up in a Shemagh and dirty clothes from hours of wandering the desert for ultra-rare drugs when I came across a pack of roving native Mexicans and yet not an oversized hat between the bunch. It was dipping into night with the faint glow of the moon over my shoulder. Men, women and children sway back and forth as they treck through the desert, looking for the promise land and a Dairy Queen. Serious, its hawt as a mother up in here. But they didn’t get a Dairy Queen, just the blinding lights of injustice. Boarder patrol was up on my shit like Dag Riddick in a twitter post. They come to round up Illegals and now they came to round me up, too. Honey Badger ain’t goin down like a bitch though. I’m all for butt stroking women and children. Ol’ Z is for the breakin of theeth, jaws and pelvi but not goin out like a punk bitch. Then again… I can score me a ham and cheese toastie in jail. An ya boi sure is getting hungry and I guess I should move the plot along.
Somehow.
Fuck it, Honey Badger is too turnt up to get high off tear gas and shit and these rubber bullets couldn’t get a queer masicist off, let alone do damage to dat HORROR KORE champ but I’m hungry and we need to this plot along so hurry that Ham N’ Toasty up.
>>>>FAST FORWARD THE PLOT >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sittin in a boarder patrol wagon shackled to the bench with the lantino family El Robinson was pretty chill. I mean, like, I had my Ham N’ Toasty but this little seven year old was hawkin it like he had eaten in days. Well fuck him, this is white privalage; get used to it bitch. This is the face of “ Can I speak to the manager” and “ Can I use this expired coupon, but I got the kinda right product.”
And you’re hungry, paco? You selfish prick, There are needy soccer moms in need of the D’ and you want my Ham N’ Toasty? Fuck dat.
>>>>> FAST FORWARD THE PLOT >>>>>>>>>>
IED!
IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE-PLOT DEVICE!
Seriously, I’m in a country I don’t need to be, looking for McGuffin drugs while eating a Ham N’ Toasty in the back of a border patrol wagon- what the hell did you think was going to happen?
The dust cleared, I regained consciousness and standing before me was Krampus and El Chuuupe. Mother fuckin Krampus and El Chuupe and me.. throw ten feet from the burn wreckage.
#exposition_X_HONEY_BADGER_DON’T_GIVE_A_SHIT ::
“ Hello, old friend.” Krampus hissed as he squatted down at my head to thumb my chin. Krampus peers his yellow eyes over the frame of his sun glasses as Chuupe terrorizes the an armadillo with his goat sucker like ways. But armadillo has no fucks to give and scampers off. Chuupe licks his chops as he stomps over towards me and Krampus takes my Ham N’ Toasty. He takes a bite because he’s an asshole as he stands up and turns towards Chuupe.
“ Nigguh, dats my ham N’ toasty.” I groan with lunges filed with blood.
“ Was. My undead friend. It was him. Hmmp, now its now. “ Krampus savors the bite as he wipes gooey cheese from his lips. “ Damn, that’s a good ham N’ toasty. Chuupe, take care of him.”
Chuuupe lumbers over and roars before connecting with a booty.
But Wait!
It’s a bird, it’s a plane! It’s..
“ THE MOTHER FUCKIN BLUE EYED DEVIL!” Curses Krampus as he points to Chuupe before Diablo Calzone hit a Blue Eyed rocket punch to the chiseled scaly jaw of the 8 foot tall walking lizard.
:: A battle ensues as the Devil Eyed Devil straight up starts trading hands with the 8 foot tall monster. It isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Chuupe scoops up DLO-CLO and body slams him to the ground but DLO turns it into an arm drag. It’s an old fashion fryday night shoot fight, Mygal. I continue to cough up blood but manage to get a vertical base as Krampus continues to eat MY sandwhich and enjoy the show before getting board after a few minutes of this stalemate and snaps his fingers. He’s magic like that N’ shit. :::
__________________________
Chapter II: Teo Del Trump LOLZ
:: I’m in some hovel tied to a chair and still Ham Sammy-less. Yo, fools gone pay for this. Straight up MURDAH! Krampus is standing there across from us with a smirk on his ham N’ toasty eating face.. GAH.. FUCK HIM! ::
“ I suppose you’re wondering why you’re here.” Well, THEY are. I mean, I know. They don’t know. But please, give the people what they want. A Man walks in by means of a door I didn’t tell you it was there, but- its there LOL. The Man looks like Teo Del Sol except his make as a trump hair piece beard. LOL Shit was epic. He walks in eating a mandarin Orange, because that’s what evil Mexicans do. I suspect that he tried to use an apple to look more like an asshole but couldn’t afford one. I heard it takes 5 years of Mexican salary to afford one apple and that shit, its not like it grows on trees or nothing LOL.
:: LOL Yah dats it. So fuckin Evil. ::
“ Dude..” Asks DLO CLO with surprised confusion. “ Did we just get kidnapped by Teo? The fuck just happened? “
“ No, you misunderstand me. I am Teo Del Trump. Evil brother of Teo Del Sol. And you. This- you are the reason that I want to build a wall. It’ll be great. You come into this country for my chiklets and Montezuma tap water. And as soon as we can figure out a way to bottle it without the water melting the plastic, its on like Mexican Donkey Kong.” Teo adjusts his suit before cracking his knuckles. “ Wait, what are you doing? Are you texting during a kidnapping.”
“ Nah son” I say, deep in THICK text. “ That shit is BBM message. “
“ A Black Berry? Like.. you’re serious. My money is worth dog shit and even we got iPhones down here.” Says Teo, taking out his iPhone to show me. Get the fuck outta here with that shit.
“ Nah, son. BBM is like the wave of the future.”
“ Serious? Black Berry hasn’t been cool since 05. Its not making a come back. And Serious. This is a kidnaping. You’re my prisoners. I’m going to make you a human centipede.” Teo gets frustrated and stamps his foot and roars with rage.
“ Dude, I was in a volcano match, get wrekt. And in about five seconds, DLO is going to tear your lungs out cha dick hole. HAHAHA, hey DLO… DLO, look. She wants the Diddly.” DLO rips free of his restraints and begins to throttle Krampus and Chuupe off screen. I’d tell you more but I wasn’t really paying attention, I was too busy trolling Twilight on the Internet threads.
“ That’s just rude” Yells Teo before DLO dick punches his face through his asshole.
“ Yes!” I yell back “..Teo Del sol this is a Promo on how I cant be bothered with you this week because I’ve done too much dope N’ fly shit. Like I’m the dude going to school in the Trans AM and skippin class but ya’ll still love me anyway. You’re a try hard fuccboi that’s tryin to get over and people to love you. Now you a good cat N’ shit.. but this is ZMAC just LOL’in his way to next week. In case you ain’t been payin attention, I got a belt to defend and not just in that sense of you waiting for people to cast a ballot.
I mean, like, I had a whole shtick planned out with cha boi Teo over there, but between his queer pleads for mercy and the sound of his lunges failing, I done plum forgot what they were. It is exciting to watch.”
“ Oh, you’re absolutely right, Migal.”
“ Gravedigger, everybody. He’s now in this promo. Killin it. Cowboy hat, black suit, pants, the whole commentator gimmick. He even got a make shift commentary table set up next to one of those industrial sinks..”
“ And I’ll tell you right now, Z, this is what we call an old fashion Wahooopin.HA-HA, I love Mexico.”
“ You want sum water, Jawn, you look thirsty.”
“ Thanks Z.”
“ And while Jawn is off shitting out his kidney, I can continue talking to you Teo while you’re brother is getting mauled like a lion in a shark tank. But its only amusing to me because I can either talk to you directly or I can tell you that your boi is a bloody mess on that Joe Pesci trip from that movie about the Casino. I think it was children of the corn, or something.
Any way, Teo, Look. I’m glad you’re happy about this- this match. I’m essentially the elder statesman of WCF. If’n you exclude Jay Price, Logan and Oblivion. And why wouldn’t you? LOL Its not like they’ve done anything noteworthy recently, right? Right? Ah, who am I kidding. They could both be WCF champion together, be crowned miss universe and discover a cure for cancer IN THE SAME DAY and I’d still be the elder statesmen on WCF. Because I don’t suck.
So wheres that leave you, Teo? Suckin my dick on the IT thread so I don’t straight up murder you? Need Ol’ Z to spare your life so you can win the coin flip in Iowa against Andre Holmes- that’s what that is. You just want to say that you, Teo Del Sol stood across the ring from THEE greatest Internet and Hardcore champ there ever was and it was the best moment of your life.
But tell me, Teo. Tell the world. What really is the best moment of your life? The surreal feeling with thousands of people carry me to the ring? The Gawd awful feel you get when your stomach drops into your colon because ZMAC is so coked up he cant feel feelings anymore? Are you on the Dag Riddick trip, too? Got a career ( kinda ) and no finisher? These are, let me phrase this correctly now- hypotheticals. Because YOU are a hypothetical. Hypothetically a champion hypothetically my opponent and hypothetically kinda a big deal. But I don’t see it. I must be too tall to see it. What isn’t a hypothetical is ZMAC curb stomping you all the way to the back while you hand sign the early release of your contract on iron stained blood from your liver.
You, Teo Del Sol- this isn’t what you signed up for. This isn’t your dream, fantasy or wish for stardom. However, it is, quite frankly, you’re reality. And sure, you’re transcript will have better effects and organization than mine but let me ask you this, are you going to spend your day in a bar looking for me? Like you did in the last piece we’ve seen you in? ‘ hey guys, Johnny Rabid isn’t here?’ well of course he’s not, he’s off in the back of the sound stage eating donuts and drinking coffee. You’re just a dumb fuck. I should ruin you on principle, and I will. This won’t be your hardest challenge to date because I know that its easy for you to get your ass beat but this will be my most enjoyable match in five days. That is, before I wrekt Sarah Titanic on Wednesday Night..“
DEUCES BITCH!
WCF Slam
Teo Del Sol
vs.
Zombie McMorris
__________________________________
Chapter I: Ham N’ Toasty
:: Yo. Straight up, now was the time. Now was the time to go pickin for a rare cactus pear. This shit would get you trippin balls like Balls Mctrippington, or other such hallucinating drugs. I’m somewhere south of New Mexico, the deep south of New Mexico: Old Mexico. I’m Wrapped up in a Shemagh and dirty clothes from hours of wandering the desert for ultra-rare drugs when I came across a pack of roving native Mexicans and yet not an oversized hat between the bunch. It was dipping into night with the faint glow of the moon over my shoulder. Men, women and children sway back and forth as they treck through the desert, looking for the promise land and a Dairy Queen. Serious, its hawt as a mother up in here. But they didn’t get a Dairy Queen, just the blinding lights of injustice. Boarder patrol was up on my shit like Dag Riddick in a twitter post. They come to round up Illegals and now they came to round me up, too. Honey Badger ain’t goin down like a bitch though. I’m all for butt stroking women and children. Ol’ Z is for the breakin of theeth, jaws and pelvi but not goin out like a punk bitch. Then again… I can score me a ham and cheese toastie in jail. An ya boi sure is getting hungry and I guess I should move the plot along.
Somehow.
Fuck it, Honey Badger is too turnt up to get high off tear gas and shit and these rubber bullets couldn’t get a queer masicist off, let alone do damage to dat HORROR KORE champ but I’m hungry and we need to this plot along so hurry that Ham N’ Toasty up.
>>>>FAST FORWARD THE PLOT >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sittin in a boarder patrol wagon shackled to the bench with the lantino family El Robinson was pretty chill. I mean, like, I had my Ham N’ Toasty but this little seven year old was hawkin it like he had eaten in days. Well fuck him, this is white privalage; get used to it bitch. This is the face of “ Can I speak to the manager” and “ Can I use this expired coupon, but I got the kinda right product.”
And you’re hungry, paco? You selfish prick, There are needy soccer moms in need of the D’ and you want my Ham N’ Toasty? Fuck dat.
>>>>> FAST FORWARD THE PLOT >>>>>>>>>>
IED!
IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE-PLOT DEVICE!
Seriously, I’m in a country I don’t need to be, looking for McGuffin drugs while eating a Ham N’ Toasty in the back of a border patrol wagon- what the hell did you think was going to happen?
The dust cleared, I regained consciousness and standing before me was Krampus and El Chuuupe. Mother fuckin Krampus and El Chuupe and me.. throw ten feet from the burn wreckage.
#exposition_X_HONEY_BADGER_DON’T_GIVE_A_SHIT ::
“ Hello, old friend.” Krampus hissed as he squatted down at my head to thumb my chin. Krampus peers his yellow eyes over the frame of his sun glasses as Chuupe terrorizes the an armadillo with his goat sucker like ways. But armadillo has no fucks to give and scampers off. Chuupe licks his chops as he stomps over towards me and Krampus takes my Ham N’ Toasty. He takes a bite because he’s an asshole as he stands up and turns towards Chuupe.
“ Nigguh, dats my ham N’ toasty.” I groan with lunges filed with blood.
“ Was. My undead friend. It was him. Hmmp, now its now. “ Krampus savors the bite as he wipes gooey cheese from his lips. “ Damn, that’s a good ham N’ toasty. Chuupe, take care of him.”
Chuuupe lumbers over and roars before connecting with a booty.
But Wait!
It’s a bird, it’s a plane! It’s..
“ THE MOTHER FUCKIN BLUE EYED DEVIL!” Curses Krampus as he points to Chuupe before Diablo Calzone hit a Blue Eyed rocket punch to the chiseled scaly jaw of the 8 foot tall walking lizard.
:: A battle ensues as the Devil Eyed Devil straight up starts trading hands with the 8 foot tall monster. It isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Chuupe scoops up DLO-CLO and body slams him to the ground but DLO turns it into an arm drag. It’s an old fashion fryday night shoot fight, Mygal. I continue to cough up blood but manage to get a vertical base as Krampus continues to eat MY sandwhich and enjoy the show before getting board after a few minutes of this stalemate and snaps his fingers. He’s magic like that N’ shit. :::
__________________________
Chapter II: Teo Del Trump LOLZ
:: I’m in some hovel tied to a chair and still Ham Sammy-less. Yo, fools gone pay for this. Straight up MURDAH! Krampus is standing there across from us with a smirk on his ham N’ toasty eating face.. GAH.. FUCK HIM! ::
“ I suppose you’re wondering why you’re here.” Well, THEY are. I mean, I know. They don’t know. But please, give the people what they want. A Man walks in by means of a door I didn’t tell you it was there, but- its there LOL. The Man looks like Teo Del Sol except his make as a trump hair piece beard. LOL Shit was epic. He walks in eating a mandarin Orange, because that’s what evil Mexicans do. I suspect that he tried to use an apple to look more like an asshole but couldn’t afford one. I heard it takes 5 years of Mexican salary to afford one apple and that shit, its not like it grows on trees or nothing LOL.
:: LOL Yah dats it. So fuckin Evil. ::
“ Dude..” Asks DLO CLO with surprised confusion. “ Did we just get kidnapped by Teo? The fuck just happened? “
“ No, you misunderstand me. I am Teo Del Trump. Evil brother of Teo Del Sol. And you. This- you are the reason that I want to build a wall. It’ll be great. You come into this country for my chiklets and Montezuma tap water. And as soon as we can figure out a way to bottle it without the water melting the plastic, its on like Mexican Donkey Kong.” Teo adjusts his suit before cracking his knuckles. “ Wait, what are you doing? Are you texting during a kidnapping.”
“ Nah son” I say, deep in THICK text. “ That shit is BBM message. “
“ A Black Berry? Like.. you’re serious. My money is worth dog shit and even we got iPhones down here.” Says Teo, taking out his iPhone to show me. Get the fuck outta here with that shit.
“ Nah, son. BBM is like the wave of the future.”
“ Serious? Black Berry hasn’t been cool since 05. Its not making a come back. And Serious. This is a kidnaping. You’re my prisoners. I’m going to make you a human centipede.” Teo gets frustrated and stamps his foot and roars with rage.
“ Dude, I was in a volcano match, get wrekt. And in about five seconds, DLO is going to tear your lungs out cha dick hole. HAHAHA, hey DLO… DLO, look. She wants the Diddly.” DLO rips free of his restraints and begins to throttle Krampus and Chuupe off screen. I’d tell you more but I wasn’t really paying attention, I was too busy trolling Twilight on the Internet threads.
“ That’s just rude” Yells Teo before DLO dick punches his face through his asshole.
“ Yes!” I yell back “..Teo Del sol this is a Promo on how I cant be bothered with you this week because I’ve done too much dope N’ fly shit. Like I’m the dude going to school in the Trans AM and skippin class but ya’ll still love me anyway. You’re a try hard fuccboi that’s tryin to get over and people to love you. Now you a good cat N’ shit.. but this is ZMAC just LOL’in his way to next week. In case you ain’t been payin attention, I got a belt to defend and not just in that sense of you waiting for people to cast a ballot.
I mean, like, I had a whole shtick planned out with cha boi Teo over there, but between his queer pleads for mercy and the sound of his lunges failing, I done plum forgot what they were. It is exciting to watch.”
“ Oh, you’re absolutely right, Migal.”
“ Gravedigger, everybody. He’s now in this promo. Killin it. Cowboy hat, black suit, pants, the whole commentator gimmick. He even got a make shift commentary table set up next to one of those industrial sinks..”
“ And I’ll tell you right now, Z, this is what we call an old fashion Wahooopin.HA-HA, I love Mexico.”
“ You want sum water, Jawn, you look thirsty.”
“ Thanks Z.”
“ And while Jawn is off shitting out his kidney, I can continue talking to you Teo while you’re brother is getting mauled like a lion in a shark tank. But its only amusing to me because I can either talk to you directly or I can tell you that your boi is a bloody mess on that Joe Pesci trip from that movie about the Casino. I think it was children of the corn, or something.
Any way, Teo, Look. I’m glad you’re happy about this- this match. I’m essentially the elder statesman of WCF. If’n you exclude Jay Price, Logan and Oblivion. And why wouldn’t you? LOL Its not like they’ve done anything noteworthy recently, right? Right? Ah, who am I kidding. They could both be WCF champion together, be crowned miss universe and discover a cure for cancer IN THE SAME DAY and I’d still be the elder statesmen on WCF. Because I don’t suck.
So wheres that leave you, Teo? Suckin my dick on the IT thread so I don’t straight up murder you? Need Ol’ Z to spare your life so you can win the coin flip in Iowa against Andre Holmes- that’s what that is. You just want to say that you, Teo Del Sol stood across the ring from THEE greatest Internet and Hardcore champ there ever was and it was the best moment of your life.
But tell me, Teo. Tell the world. What really is the best moment of your life? The surreal feeling with thousands of people carry me to the ring? The Gawd awful feel you get when your stomach drops into your colon because ZMAC is so coked up he cant feel feelings anymore? Are you on the Dag Riddick trip, too? Got a career ( kinda ) and no finisher? These are, let me phrase this correctly now- hypotheticals. Because YOU are a hypothetical. Hypothetically a champion hypothetically my opponent and hypothetically kinda a big deal. But I don’t see it. I must be too tall to see it. What isn’t a hypothetical is ZMAC curb stomping you all the way to the back while you hand sign the early release of your contract on iron stained blood from your liver.
You, Teo Del Sol- this isn’t what you signed up for. This isn’t your dream, fantasy or wish for stardom. However, it is, quite frankly, you’re reality. And sure, you’re transcript will have better effects and organization than mine but let me ask you this, are you going to spend your day in a bar looking for me? Like you did in the last piece we’ve seen you in? ‘ hey guys, Johnny Rabid isn’t here?’ well of course he’s not, he’s off in the back of the sound stage eating donuts and drinking coffee. You’re just a dumb fuck. I should ruin you on principle, and I will. This won’t be your hardest challenge to date because I know that its easy for you to get your ass beat but this will be my most enjoyable match in five days. That is, before I wrekt Sarah Titanic on Wednesday Night..“
DEUCES BITCH!
