Post by Lilith on Jan 31, 2016 17:28:53 GMT -5
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young girl lived in an imaginary castle. Although she pretended she had everything her heart desired, the girl was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an ugly little redheaded bear came to the imaginary castle and offered her a single teddy bear in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the girl sneered at the gift and turned the bear away, but she warned the girl not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when she dismissed her again, the little bears ugliness melted away to reveal… a beautiful Sarah Teddy. The girl tried to apologize, but it was too late, for the little witch bear had seen that there was no love in her heart. And as punishment, she transformed her into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the imaginary castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of her monstrous form, the girl concealed herself within her imaginary castle, with a magic mirror as her only window to the outside world. The teddy bear she had offered was truly an enchanted bear, which would live for many years. If she could learn to love another and earn their love in return by the time the bear fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, she would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, she fell into despair, and lost all hope... For who could ever learn to love...a beast?!
The scene changed as we find a little brown furred bear wearing a denim dress leaving her little teddy bear cottage. In her hand she carried a basket full of hotdogs. A couple of birds flew just above her head as she walked merrily away from her house and towards the nearest town, called Boudleville.
Logelle: Boudle town, it’s a quiet village. Boudles here… and everywhere. Boudle town full of pathetic trashcans, waking up to say…
Villager Bear 1: Bonjour!
Villager Bear 2: Bonjour!
Villager Bear 3, 4 & 5: Bonjour… Bonjour… Bonjour!
Logelle walked over the small bridge into Boudleville as the villagers were rushing around enjoying their busy morning. A couple of bears Logelle recognized greeted her as she headed towards the town centre. The little baker bear rushed around the corner carrying his tray full of bread and Logelle smiled to herself watching as he nearly fell over his cat.
Logelle: There goes the baker, what a boudle he is. Pathetic and nerdy as can be. Every morning these boudles are the same, being super lame in this poor trashcanny town.
A little hotdog vendor bear stopped Logelle in her tracks as she continued humming her song in her head. In his hands was a tray full of hotdogs, each one a different size,
Hotdog Vendor Bear: Good morning Logelle!
Logelle: Shut up!
Hotdog Vendor Bear: Where are you off to?
Logelle: The book shop. I just finished the most wonderful story about hotdogs and ketchup and…
Hotdog Vendor Bear: That’s nice, Logelle. Do you want any hotdogs today?
Logelle: Hotdogs? Today? Of course I always want hotdogs! That’s why I’m a little bit porky around my belly here.
Hotdog Vendor Bear: Okay Logelle. I will drop some off at your house later, I really must go now. Have a good day!
Logelle continued walking into town as the villagers of Boudleville were obviously talking about her and how weird she was. Logelle was of course very different to the rest of Boudleville, in fact she was nothing like them and she was well aware of this fact.
Villager Bear 1: Look there she goes that bear is strange no question.
Villager Bear 2: Never part of any crowd… always pushed aside cos she’s so loud.
Villager Bear 3: Always talking about hotdogs and butt rape and trashcans…
Villager Bear 1, 2 & 3: No denying she’s a funny bear… that Logelle!
Looking angrily at the bears talking about her, Logelle threw her hotdogs at them all… covering them in ketchup and cheese and grease.
Logelle: SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN MOUTHS BEFORE I SEND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU STRAIGHT TO CONNECTOR CITY!!!
The villagers instantly shut up as Logelle finally made it to the towns bookshop and pushed the door open stepping into the store. The librarian greeted her as she closed the door behind her.
Librarian Bear: Ah, Logelle. So nice to see you again.
Logelle: Shut up, trashcan. Just give me another book so I can be on my way.
Librarian Bear: You finished your other one already? I didn’t even know you could read, Logelle!
Logelle: Oh I couldn’t put it down… who ever would have thought that it was the cow who jumped over the moon. And talk about a plot twist! The cat and the fiddle? Who ever saw that coming?! Anyway, have you got anything new?
Librarian Bear: New? In the children’s section? Hmmmmm… nope, not since yesterday.
Logelle: That’s alright, I’ll borrow… this one.
Logelle jumped up and grabbed a book, handing it to the librarian all excited.
Librarian Bear: “101 different hotdogs” are you sure you want to read this one, Logelle? You’ve read it loads of times already!
Logelle: Shut up trashcan. Yes I’m sure. It’s my favorite! Full of magic, daring recipes and hotdogs in disguise. A hotdog cake! Can you believe that?
Librarian Bear: Hahaha, if you like it that much, Logelle. Keep it.
Logelle: Keep it? Are you sure?
Librarian Bear: I insist!
The friendly Librarian Bear nodded as Logelle got so excited she almost peed her pants.
Logelle: Yayyyyyyy! See ya later, girl pants.
As soon as Logelle left the bookshop she bumped into a bear who was clearly waiting outside for her. He was definitely the tallest and muscliest bear in the village, but despite this he was actually quite a weak little peanut butter bitch. Obliviston, the villages clown. No one actually liked him but they kind of tolerated him just so he didn’t have a tantrum. To his left stood the man who had always blindly followed Obliviston despite how badly he was treated, Keifou.
Obliviston: Bonjour, Logelle.
Logelle: Bonjour? Bonjour?! What kind of made up make believe word is that?! This is America Obliviston! Speak English you stupid little boudle!
Obliviston unfazed by what Logelle had just said to him grabbed the book she was holding and flicked through a couple of its pages with an eyebrow raised.
Logelle: Obliviston, may I have my book, please? ...Trashcan.
Obliviston: Logelle, it's about time you got your head out of these books...
Obliviston took a bite out of the book and threw it down onto the dirty floor.
Obliviston: ...and started raping more important things...like me! The whole town's talking about IT.
The villages Boudlettes cringed as they watched Obliviston flex his muscles in his tight red tunic. The Boudlettes were beautiful and could have done a lot better for themselves, but they tolerated Obliviston just like everyone else did just so he didn’t try and rape them. Some of the female bears in the village did actually like Obliviston, but however hard they tried to seduce the muscle ridden monster, he was never interested in them. All he cared about was rape and he had done it many times… nothing was beneath him… not even ducks.
Obliviston: There is so much more to this world than hotdogs, Logelle. The only meat you should be craving is mine.
Logelle: Ewwwww. That's gross, Obliviston!
Obliviston: That's not what you'll be saying tonight... whaddya say you and me take a walk over to the tavern and have a look at my hunting trophies. I don't actually have any yet... But if I did they would be amazing!
Logelle: Errrrrr... Maybe some other time, ya peanut butter bitch.
Boudlette 1: You go girl!
Boudlette 2: Stupid Obliviston!
Boudlette 3: He's crazy!
Obliviston wrapped his arm around Logelle and attempted to lead her away but she pushed away from him and tried to distance herself as much as she could.
Logelle: Get away from me you weak peanut butter sandwich BITCH. I have way more important things to do… like go home and help my father.
Keifou: Ha ha ha, that crazy old loon, he needs all the help he can get!
Obliviston and Keifou laughed heartily as they thought about how bizarre and odd Logelles father was.
Logelle: Don't you talk about my father that way, trashcan.
Obliviston: Yeah, don't talk about her father that way! BOOM… CRASH… SLAM… WHACK!!!!
Obliviston smacked Keifou on the side of his head giving him a firm strict look.
Logelle: My father's not crazy! He's a genius!
Suddenly there was an explosion in the background. Logelle rushed home and descended into the basement as Obliviston and Keifou looked on laughing.
Logelle pushed her way through the cluttered basement trying to locate her father, a rugged looking old man called Royice.
Logelle: Dad?
Royice: How on earth did that happen? God damnit. How does this thing keep blowing up? It's only an automatic hotdog machine for gods sake! I'm about ready to give up on this thing, Logelle. I swear!
Logelle bent down and helped pick up a few of the scattered hotdog buns as she watched her father wipe the exploded mustard off of his face.
Logelle: Nonsense. You'll fix this up and go to that faire tomorrow and win first prize. You'll become a world famous inventor, dad.
Royice: You really think so?
Logelle: No you suck, give up and go away old man. Hahaha I'm just kidding! Of course I do! Now get back to work!
Royice: I can always rely on you, Logelle. Let's do this!
Royice continued to tinker around with the automatic hotdog machine as Logelle sat and watched him with admiration in her eyes.
Royice: By the way Obliviston called round here for you earlier, the guy seemed like a complete and utter boudle… but he is quite well built, I'll give him that.
Logelle: You think so? The guys always seemed like a complete and utter trashcan to me. I mean he doesn't even like hotdogs! Can you believe that? That guy is definitely not my type!
Royice: Well, don't you worry, cause this invention's going to be the start of a new life for us.
Royice continued to tinker away with his machine for a few moments.
Royice: I think that's done it. Now, let's give it a try.
The machine instantly came to life and started producing perfectly made hotdogs just like it should.
Logelle: It works!
Royice: It does? It does!
Logelle: You did it! You really did it! Now go and win that competition!
Royice: Yes! What am I waiting for? Let's pack up my things and I'll be on my way!
After several hours Royice was finally ready to leave and Logelle waved goodbye to him as he rode off into the distance.
A few hours past and Royice being the silly little bear that he was had managed to get himself completely and utterly lost in the woods. His horse had tried to lead him in the right direction but being as stubborn as he was, he just forced the horse to go even further in the wrong direction.
Royice: Where on earth have you taken us, Catsy? We should be there by now!
If Catsy the horse could have spoken he would have yelled at Royice and told him how stupid he was for ignoring him for so long and that him getting lost was completely his fault. They just went even further into the darkness and a few wolves appeared howling at them, Royice looked at them with horror in his eyes.
Royice: Oh no…
Getting fed up of Royices stupidly Catsy buckled and threw him off his back, running off into the distance. Royice tried to run away from the wolves and somehow fell down a hill crashing through some large steel gates. In the distance was a large abandoned looking castle which for some reason the village bears had completely forgotten was here. He locked the steel gates and made his way towards the castle. Royice pushed his way through the large wooden door and stepped inside.
Royice: Hello?
The place looked deserted, cobwebs hung down from the ceiling and there was nothing to be seen in this place… nothing except a Candle stick called Teoiere and a cobweb covered clock called Torture-worth.
Teoiere: (whispering) Poor guy must have got lost in the woods.
Torture-worth: (Also whispering) Keep quiet! Maybe he'll go away. This is my castle and therefore everything should remain being all about me!
Royice: Is someone there?
Torture-worth: Not a word, Teoiere. Not one word!
Royice: I don’t mean to be a complaining boudle or anything but my stupid useless horse ran off and I don’t know where I am.
Teoiere looked at Torture-worth giving him sad eyes feeling sorry for Royice.
Teoiere: Have heart, the poor guy is lost… he needs our help.
Torture-worth: Shhhhhhhhh!
Torture-worth put his hand over Teoieres mouth trying to remain in the spotlight but Teoiere put one of his lit candles against his cobweb covered hand making Torture-worth scream out in pain.
Torture-worth: Owww! Owwww! Owwwwwwww!
Teoiere: Yes of course, you are welcome here.
Royice was very confused and picked up Teoiere trying to shine some light into the large room not realizing that the candle he was holding was actually alive.
Royice: Who said that? Who’s there?
Teoiere tapped Royice on the shoulder to get his attention.
Teoiere: Hello!
Royice dropped Teoiere in shock as he just stood there with his mouth slightly open in horror. Royice didn’t move for a while as Teoiere picked himself up off the floor brushing himself down.
Torture-worth: Well now you’ve done it… now the castle will never be all about me ever again. Now it’ll just be about this old man… whoever he is.
Teoiere: Oh Torture-worth… shhhhh your noise. Stuff isn’t ALWAYS about you.
Royice looked between the two of them as they continued to talk to each other.
Royice: How is this even possible? I mean… how are you two talking?
Teoiere: Ah, a long story… perhaps I will tell you it someday. As for now lets get you warmed up and nice and comfortable. Follow me.
Torture-worth: No no no… this isn’t a good idea AT ALL. I absolutely forbid it!
Teoiere just ignored him as he lead Royice into the lounge. Royice sat down on a bit leather armchair as a little blue teapot sped into the room closely followed by a couple of teacups.
Mrs. Blue-Pot: Nice cup of cocoa, sir? It’ll warm you up in no time. Here…
Mrs. Blue-Pot poured herself into a little tea cup and handed it to Royice who happifully picked it up and took a mouthful of Bonnie Blue-Pots juices.
Royice: Those must have been some strong drugs I took earlier…
Teoiere: Hahaha no I assure you this is quite real. Just ummmmmm… lets try and keep it down, okay?
Torture-worth: Oh so now you agree it wasn’t a good idea to bring him in here? I told you! I will tell her that this was all your idea…
Royice: Uh, tell who?
Suddenly there was a loud bang from above them as someone slammed a door.
Teoiere: Uh oh...
There was a lot of rustling as suddenly Katherine Phoenix appeared in front of Royce picking him up out of the chair by his jackets collar.
Katherine Phoenix: Who are you?!
Royice looked up at Katherine shaking in his little booties as she growled in his face.
Royice: I... I... I didn't mean to intrude... I was lost and I got chased by some wolves and...
Katherine Phoenix: You aren't welcome here! You aren't cute at all! Why would I want some smelly old bear hanging around with me?! Ewwwwww!!
Royice: I... Im sorry I just thought...
Katherine Phoenix: Just thought what?! That you could just come in here and join my teddy bear gang?!
Royice: No! I...
Katherine Phoenix: TOO LATE!!! Now imma keep you forever and ever and ever! Even if you are all old and smelly and gross!
Katherine grabbed Royice by his paw and quickly dragged him out of the room.
Royice: No... No! Please... Pleaseeeeee!
Katherine dragged Royice out of the room and blew out all the candles with the draft caused by her slamming the door.
Outside Logelles cottage Obliviston and Kiefou are seen walking up to Logelles front door. They seem to be in quite a good mood... Or as good a mood a murderous rapist could be in anyway.
Kiefou: Haha oh boy Logelle is going to get the surprise of her life! This'll be great!
Obliviston: Yep. This is her lucky day! The day she gets everything she has ever wanted. She will become the monsters bitch and...
Keifou: You aren't going to rape her are you?
Obliviston: What?! No! Of course not! The monster is a gentleman!
Kiefou: Of course, of course...
Kiefou didn't believe him for a moment, he knew exactly how much of a messed up freak Obliviston was.
Obliviston: Alright you know what to do when we come out together, right?
Kiefou: Tell her how sorry I am that she's with you?
Obliviston slammed his paw down onto Kiefous head in anger.
Obliviston: No you idiot! You sing this...
Obliviston shoved a piece of paper into Kiefous paw and pushed him away as he turned his attention onto Logelles cottage.
Inside the cottage Logelle was looking through her new hotdog book and practically drooling over all of the hotdogs inside. Obliviston knocked on her front door and Logelle immediately made her way over to the door looking through the window at who was outside. She sighed to herself as she saw it was Obliviston and opened the door for him.
Logelle: What do you want boudle pants?
Obliviston: Hahaha oh Logelle you and your funny words.
Obliviston pushed his way into Logelles cottage walking over to the nearby armchair and sitting down in it.
Obliviston: There's not a girl in town who wouldn't love to be in your shoes, Logelle... you know that?
Logelle: Uh huh... can we speed this along? I am quite busy today...
Obliviston: Logelle IT wants you to become ITs wife.
Logelle burst out laughing as soon as she heard what Obliviston had said.
Obliviston: IT is serious.
Logelle: Uh huh... Im sure you are, babygurl, but...
Obliviston: I'M NOT BABYGURL!!
Logelle: LIES! You are too!!
Obliviston: IM BEEFCAKE!!
Logelle looked Obliviston up and down with a smile on her face.
Logelle: More like crumb cake
Obliviston: Stud muffin!!
Logelle: Angel cake?
Obliviston: Devils Food Cake!!
Logelle: Fairy cake?
Obliviston: Devils food cake with sprinkles!!
Logelle: A birthday cake with pink frosting?
Obliviston: Eww Pink frosting is nasty
Logelle: Pink frosting is nice! It's only pink it still tastes the same
Obliviston: Yuck!!
Logelle rolled her eyes at Obliviston.
Logelle: Would you feel better about it if it was red or black frosting?
Obliviston: BOTH!!!
Logelle: Okay then you're birthday with red and black frosting but you have pink sparkle candles on top
Obliviston: NO!!! NO PINK SPRINKLES!!
Logelle: Yes!!! Pink sparkles and then even play an adorable little tune when you light them
Obliviston: NOOOOOO!!
Logelle: Yep yep yep
Obliviston: Dark chocolate with fudge frosting. German chocolate sprinkles. With dark coffee syrup!! Then set it on fire!!! MAN CAKE!!
Logelle: Nope none of that. Red and black frosting with pink sparkle candles which play a tune. Final offer
By now Obliviston looked like he was about to explode.
Obliviston: Logelle why does IT get the feeling that you aren't taking IT seriously?
Logelle: Who the hell does take you seriously you weak little bastard?!
Obliviston: IT will just go if you continue...
Logelle opened the door for Obliviston telling him to leave.
Logelle: Good! See ya later girl pants.
Obliviston walked towards the door and turned around to Logelle before he left.
Obliviston: This isn't over, Logelle. You will be ITs... Even if IT needs to rape some sense right into you!
Logelle pushed Obliviston out of her house and slammed the door in his face.
Kiefou: Didn't go too well, huh?
Obliviston: SHUT UP!!!
Obliviston and Kiefou left the area as Logelle watched them leave through the window still totally disgusted by what she had just been through. She finally stepped outside and started feeding a couple of her chickens pieces of hotdog.
Logelle sang a happiful little song to herself as she played around in the garden. Just as she was about to go back indoors Catsy ran into the open field. Logelle ran over to her horse disturbed that her father was not with him.
Logelle: Catsy! What are you doing here? Where's papa, Catsy?! Did he get lost in the woods again? Come on Catsy, take me to him... we have to bring him home.
Logelle climbed on top of Catsy and rode off as fast as possible towards the woods to rescue her father.
After a short while Catsy and Logelle arrived at the castle, Logelle immediately rushed through the gates and went over to the big wooden door checking the place out.
Logelle: What is this place, Catsy? How could I be silly enough to forget that such a huge place was so close to my cottage…
Inside the castle Teoiere and Torture-worth were busy having an argument like they always did.
Torture-worth: Just couldn’t keep quiet could we? Just had to invite him into the castle. And now where is he, huh? Kat has him up in the dungeon, doing god knows what to him. This is all your fault, Teoiere!
Teoiere: Oh shut up! I was trying to be nice to the poor guy, maybe you should try it!
Logelle pushed open the large wooden door and stepped inside desperately searching for her father.
Logelle: Hello? Is anyone here? Hello? Papa? Dad? Are you here? Hello?
Logelle rushed further into the castle and ran up the stairs still searching. She heard a noise coming from just up ahead as she quickly went towards it.
Logelle: Hello? Dad? Dad is that you?
Logelle ran into the castles dungeon and saw that within one of the cells was her father, barely moving with colorful scrunchies in his hair.
Logelle: Dad!!!
Royice: Logelle? Is that you?
Logelle: Oh Dad! What happened? Who did this to you?! I’ll fucking end them! Send them into connector city! Rawrrrrrrrrrr!
Royice: How… How did you find me?
Logelle grabbed hold of her fathers hands through the bars.
Logelle: Oh, your hands are like ice. We have to get you out of here, Dad. Are you hungry? I think I have a spare hotdog on me…
Royice: No. Logelle, I want you to leave this place. No time to explained! Just go… now!
Logelle: I won't leave you, dad! I know you wouldn’t leave me!
Out of no where Katherine Phoenix grabbed Logelle by her shoulder and whipped her around, growling into her face.
Katherine Phoenix: What are you doing here?!
Royice: Run, Logelle!
Logelle: Who's there? Who are you? I've come for my father. Please let him out! Can't you see he's sick?
Katherine Phoenix: Oh don’t be so silly! He isn’t sick… hes just exhausted from all the playing we’ve done together.
Logelle: No… he’s sick. Look at him. He’s all white and cold and stuff!
Katherine Phoenix: He’s always looked that ugly!
Logelle: Please… let him go. I’ll do anything.
Katherine Phoenix: …anything?
Logelle: Yes! Please… just let my father go.
Katherine Phoenix: If I let him go you must take his place and stay with me forever!
Royice: No! Logelle don’t do it. I’ve lived my life. Just go now whilst you can. Please Logelle…
Logelle squeezed her fathers hand tight and turned away from him.
Logelle: Done.
Katherine Phoenix: Good! You’re way cuter anyway! Guards… let him out!
A couple of little prison guard bears opened the jail cell door and dragged Royice down the stairs not giving Logelle chance to say goodbye. She fell down onto her knees crying as her father was sent away.
Katherine Phoenix: Come with me.
Logelle: But… I thought I was your prisoner?
Katherine Phoenix: You are… but you don’t want to stay in these horrible cells do you? I have a super nice room upstairs which is just PERFECT for you.
Logelle: Well no… I don’t want to stay here.
Katherine Phoenix: Good then come with me!
Logelle pushed herself up off the floor wiping tears away from her face as Katherine lead her upstairs into the guest bedroom. The bedroom was very nice with a pink décor and large comfortable bed.
Katherine Phoenix: See! This is much better, right?
Logelle didn’t answer, she just ran into the room and threw herself onto the bed crying into a pillow.
Katherine Phoenix just slammed the bedroom door and walked away not wanting to put up with Logelles mood balling.
Back at Oblivistons tavern, the monster sat surrounded by his #Krew comrades looking all down and sorry for himself.
Obliviston: IT doesn’t believe she said no to IT like that. Made fun of IT… humiliated IT! Who does she think she is?! Doesn’t she know who IT is?! IT is disgraced.
Keifou: Oh pull yourself together Obliviston! I am so sick of seeing you feeling sorry for yourself like this.
Gosh it annoys me to see you, Obliviston
Looking so down in the dumps
No body here would like to be you, Obliviston…
Especially not when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as hated as you
You're no body's favorite guy
No one's awed or inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why!
No ones as weak as Obliviston, as peanutty as Obliviston
No one’s reduced to rape just to get some action once in a while like Obliviston
For there's no man in town half a womanly
A complete waste of space that you are
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they'll tell you who's team they don’t want to be on!
No one's a hasbeen like Obliviston, a cheap wannabe like Obliviston
No one's got a glass jaw and gets his ass beat by women like Obliviston
As a specimen, no, he’s not intimidating!
My, what a guy that Obliviston!
Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips
Obliviston is the worst and no one gives a shit!
No one fights as bad as Obliviston, no one’s bite is as weak as Oblivistons
In a wrestling match, no body loses like Obliviston
For there's no one as weak and pathetic
As you see he’s as worthless as can be
Every bit of him is scraggly or scrawny
And not a single bit of him's covered in hair!
No one hits as weak as Obliviston, everyone out wits Obliviston
In a spitting match, everyone spits better than Obliviston!
He’s especially bad at expectorating! Ptooey!
Zero points for Obliviston!
When he was a lad he raped four dozen eggs
Every morning to help him get large!
And now that he’s grown, he rapes five dozen eggs
So he’s roughly the size of a barge!
No one shoots as bad as Obliviston, gets rejected by beauts like Obliviston
Then goes stomping around wearing boots like Obliviston
He really really sucks at decorating!
My what a guy! Obliviston!!!!!!!
Just as the scene was about to fade back to the castle something… or someone started to annoy Katherine calling her name.
Voice: Kat? KAT?!! BABYGURL!!!
Katherine shook her head and woke up from her dream… or at least she thought it was a dream and looked around at who was just calling her name. To her delight it was nonother than WCF Legend, Logan… who for some reason was actually dressed this time.
Logan: You having a dream, babygurl?
Katherine Phoenix: Yes… it was great! You would have loved it… a bunch of people were singing a song about Obi and completely tearing him apart hahahaha! It was soooooo funny!
Logan: Oh yeah?
Katherine Phoenix: YEAH! Anyway where are we?
Katherine looked around at her surroundings trying to remember where she had fallen asleep.
Katherine Phoenix: Oh…
Katherine and Logan were in her old Assistant of Talent Relations office… she must have fallen asleep whilst she was throwing a fit about being fired. Around her several men were removing all of her belongings. She quickly grabbed hold of her teddy bears making sure that they didn’t take those.
Logan: I can’t believe they fired you… I thought you did a good job.
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t believe its not butter.
Logan: What?
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t know. Koala Lion is just huffy at me because he figured out that I didn’t care about him and that he couldn’t brainwash me like he did with that Jimmy Holden person.
Logan raised an eyebrow at her.
Logan: Who?
Katherine Phoenix: No idea…
Katherine gave Logan a happiful smile as she looked at the removal men who just continued to take all of her belongings out of her office. It kinda upset her… but then at the same time it didn’t bother her at all. It was a weird feeling.
Katherine Phoenix: Logi Bear… do you think we’re “good” people?
Logan: Of course. The other day I fed a hooker to a shark. The poor guy might’ve starved!
Katherine Phoenix: Where… where did you get a shark from?! WAIT!!! What were you doing being with a hooker you dirty fucking skank!!!
Logan: I got it from the ocean.
Katherine Phoenix: You got a hooker from the ocean? Why…
Logan: No, you dimwit. I got the shark from Toys R Us. Hmmmmm… she was a bit young. Come to think of it maybe she wasn’t a hooker. Either way I helped out that poor homeless shark with a meal, so how could you question my kindness?
Katherine Phoenix: How did you know the shark was homeless anyway? He could have had some kinda awesome underwater castle thing for all you know! Have you never seen The Little Mermaid?!
Logan shook his head.
Logan: No, I honestly haven’t.
Katherine Phoenix: GET OUT!!!
Logan: Less questions more sandwiches, babygurl.
Logan grabbed Katherine up out of her chair and pushed her away towards the office door. .
Logan: HOLD THE MAYO. I SWEAR. YOU HOLD THAT FUCKIN’ MAYO!!!
Katherine turned around and shook her head at Logan.
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t have time to make you sandwiches today, Logi Bear. I’ve got to train real hard and stuffs today. I’m fighting Oblivion this week… don’t you know how much of a challenge that is?! I’d much rather be in the jobber bear match like you are.
Logan: Eh, the man is a chairshot away from becoming a vegetable. So…
Logan leaned into Katherines face.
Logan: Just hit him with a chair.
Logan grinned at Katherine.
Logan: How about that sandwich?
Katherine Phoenix: I… I kind of want to do more than just hit him with a chair Logi Bear. That peanut butter bitch has gone way too far this time. I tried to be his friend… I tried to love him and cuddle him and make him all cute and stuffs… and you know what he did? He… he… he prodded me with his microscopic monster.
Several tears ran down Katherines face.
Katherine Phoenix: And then to make things even worse ever since then he’s done nothing but try and get into my head… get into my mind and upset me even more so. I don’t want to hit him with a chair… I want to rip his stuffing out and completely and utterly destroy him and send him away FOREVER!!!
Logan yawned stretching his arms into the air and wrapping them around Katherines shoulders.
Logan: Please go on.
A touch of sarcasm was hiding in his voice, Katherine just glared at her Logi Bear super annoyed at him.
Katherine Phoenix: You’re the most unsupportive boudle bear bitch EVER!!! Maybe I should rip YOUR stuffing out, Logi Bear! Whatcha think about THAT?!!
He blinked his eyelids open
Logan: I’m unsupportive? ME?! Do you realize that I have been asking for a sandwich for the last twenty minutes and I haven’t received a single crumb.
Katherine looked super huffy as she stared straight through Logan anger boiling within her.
Katherine Phoenix: You remember the days when you always used to go on… and on… and on… AND ON about me making you a sandwich and so I used to put sand and other gross things in them? Imma sooooo start doing that again so you shut up and maybe actually help me in my battles for once!
Logan: Oh… I didn’t realize you were wrestling for the World Champion Contendership. Wait… you’re not. Oh, that’s right… I am!
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t care about your stupid little match, Logi!!! Don’t you know what that horrible peanut butter BITCH did to me?! He tried to destroy everything I am… mentally! That wasn’t very nice, Logi Bear. THAT WASN’T VERY NICE AT ALL!!!
Logan rolled his eyes.
Logan: Who cares about Oblivion. No reason to get so worked up over someone who can’t finish a single sentence without stuttering and shitting himself.
Katherine Phoenix: Blah blah blah look at me, my names Logi Bear aren’t I so great?!
Katherine started mocking Logan and the way he was standing.
Katherine Phoenix: I’m fighting some idiotic bears for some title… all I care about is myself… blah blah blah I’m so wonderful! Yayyyyyyyy me!
Logan pulled out a butterfly knife from his pocket and held it up to Katherines neck, it didn’t bother her as much as it should have done.
Logan: I know the way to defeat Oblivion. Would you like me to share?
Katherine Phoenix: Is it by being even more peanutty and even more clueless than even him?
At this point Katherine was starting to lose her patience with Logan.
Logan: No. Stick the knife in your cunt.
Katherine just blinked at Logan.
Katherine Phoenix: I… I don’t get it. How would that help me defeat Oblivion, Logi? How does that even make any sense!
Logan: Once its in you’ll get it.
Katherine Phoenix: I… I still don’t get how that’d defeat him. If anything he’d probably enjoy that Logi! Oh my godddddddd you’re soooooo useless!
Logan: The next time he tries to stick his ding-ding in you it won’t turn out so well. Now come, Sandwich Maker of Treachery… lets ride.
Logan lead Katherine out of her old office and walked with her down the corridor. Katherine kind of wished he’d hold her hand as they walked together but she knew Logan would never do that.
Katherine Phoenix: Soooooooo Logi Bear… there’s this new girl in the WCF called Tiffy Bear. Was kinda wondering if you’d like to see us… do stuff together?
Logan: Tiffany? No! NEVER!!! …Maybe.
Katherine Phoenix: Yes her… yes or no, babygurl?
Logan: I assumed you were my one and only
Katherine Phoenix: Sooooo you’re saying Logi Bear ISN’T the kind of guy who likes to sit there and watch two girls get it on?
Logan: I’m saying I haven’t even had returned yet and you’re already acting like a whore.
Katherine Phoenix: Only if its something Logi Bear would enjoy! Like if he was sitting there on his throne with boudles running around him and he’s just controlling me and Tiffy Bear…
Logan: Logan no longer has sexual interest.
Katherine suddenly came to a halt in the middle of the corridor and just stared at Logan with horror in her eyes.
Katherine Phoenix: WHY?!!
Logan: His only arousal is violence!
Katherine Phoenix: Pffffffffft so you’re saying if I grinded up on you right now you wouldn’t want it? LIES!!! I could so get some of that hotdog of treachery if I wanted it!
Logan: Nope. Unless someone is screaming bloody murder, sex is boring.
Katherine Phoenix: You’re telling me Logi Bear won’t give me what I want?! I have desires and needs you freaking boudle!!!
Logan: Skittles aren’t enough?!
Katherine Phoenix: What about when I’m all like… frisky and stuff! I’m a nympho Logi! What do you expect me to do with myself?! We used to have crazy random sexy time all the time before! Are you saying that we will never do sexy stuff together EVER again?!
Logan: Are you saying my sandwich maker is nothing more than a whore?
Katherine Phoenix: Hey! HEY!!! I am the mother of your child and so if I want your hotdog I will get bloody hotdog!!!
Logan: No child of mine came from that snatch!
Katherine Phoenix: It must be yours! I haven’t slept with anyone else!
Logan: Haha… haha… lovely joke.
Katherine Phoenix: Unbelievable. I will rape you if I need to! Then problem solved!
Logan: Keep your pants on, we have important business to take care of.
Katherine Phoenix: But I want to playyyyyyyyy! And Logan used to rape me all the time. It was FUN!!! Whats changed?!
Logan: Someone has to take responsibility for you… might as well be me.
Katherine Phoenix: RIGHT THAT’S IT!!! We’re going to couples counselling!
Logan: ITS ABOUT TIME!!! I have some things to get off my chest about your whore ways. Sarah, Joey… if Oblivion wasn’t retarded I’d think otherwise. Where does it end?
Katherine Phoenix: Right that’s it I am so taking us to couples counselling right now!
Katherine continued to walk through the corridor super huffy at Logan.
Logan: Do what you must, swine. As long as you support me through my triumph and handle my business and make me sandwiches and keep my sexual desires fulfilled. Even if that means dressing up as Torture.
Katherine Phoenix: I thought you said you didn’t have sexual desires!
Logan: Whenever you wear a Torture mask they become harder to control. Butt raping Torture is the ultimate WCF victory. Taking everything from him!
Katherine Phoenix: Are… are you gay? Are you coming out the closet right now or something?! Cos I don’t think I’m ready for that Logi Bear!
Logan: Am I? Are you… begging for sex?
Katherine Phoenix: It would seem you are if you want to have sex with Torture…
Logan: Having sex with you isn’t? Unbelievable.
Katherine Phoenix: I’m a girl!!! Unbelievable.
Logan: Since you’re a girl, you wearing a Torture mask wouldn’t be gay.
Katherine Phoenix: You thinking of Torture whilst we’re having sex would be pretty gay though!
Logan: Its vagina! How is that gay?
Katherine Phoenix: Cos you’re looking at a mask which looks like a guy! A guy who you fought many times in the ring!
Logan: But its symbolic. My way of ruining him.
Katherine Phoenix: Were you aroused during your matches with him?!
Logan: WERE YOU YOU WHORE?! HOW DARE YOU!!!
Katherine Phoenix: Ive never had a match with Torture! But I bet if I did you’d find it super hot!
Logan: From here on out you wear a chastity belt
Katherine Phoenix: Why?!
Logan: Because you’re a slut and I’m trying to regrow my reputation
Katherine Phoenix: Somehow I don’t think having sex with a girl whilst she’s being forced to wear a mask which looks like your arch enemy would be a good way for you to build your reputation.
Logan: Nice to know even a sandwich maker can have an opinion every now and then. How adorable! Don’t care for Logan, Kat? Don’t you lick the sweat off of him after every match?
Katherine Phoenix:Yes of course but I still think its kinda weird that you want me to wear a torture mask. Would this be an all the time thing or just once every now and then?
Logan: Blue moon of course.
Katherine Phoenix: And then I can have hotdog whenever I want without the mask?
Logan: Of course! Just as long as you do the Torture thing whenever he mentions my name.
Katherine Phoenix: You really think he’s that likely to mention your name?
Logan: He exists because of me
Katherine Phoenix: How do you figure?
Logan: How do I not?
Katherine Phoenix: Wait!!! You mean to tell me it’s YOUR fault Torture exists?! You… MONSTER!!!
Logan: What happened when the Hotdog Kings split buns and I left? He teamed up with Mayhem. Team of Treachery… the list goes on…
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t think you created Torture… just more… he’s always wanted to be Logan.
Logan: Which is why you should understand the importance of wearing the mask!
Katherine Phoenix: So… in a way… you’re kinda screwing yourself?
Logan: Precisely. I’m a masochist you see.
Katherine Phoenix: I think you and torture would probably benefit more from couples counselling than we would, babygurl.
Logan: When it comes to counselling no other nutjob needs it more than you
Katherine Phoenix: Says the guy who literally wants to fuck himself!
Logan: Are you really prepared to take that tone with me you skittle munching fuckbag?
Katherine Phoenix: Hey! HEY!!! That’s Ms Skittle Munching Fuckbag to you, girl pants. I am the assistant of talent relations nowadays… or I was anyway! Not some bottom of the ladder jobber bear bitch!
Logan lifted his hand up in front of Katherine as they reached the parking lot in the arena.
Logan: Do you see this hand? It can slap a tooth out of your face with a single jerk. A few of these and well… maybe you’d actually be decent at sucking a guy off.
Katherine Phoenix: I always did like it when you played tough Logi Bear… but if I remember correctly nine times out of ten I always ended up on top. Rawrrrrrrr!
Logan: Nine times out of ten the whore always gets their way.
Katherine and Logan walked over to their car, which was as always just as smashed up as it always had been. Katherine wasn’t exactly a fantastic driver… she always got way too distracted.
Katherine Phoenix: Do you want to drive?
Logan: Are you asking Lord Treachery if he wants to look after himself?!
Katherine Phoenix: Right, right… I’ll drive.
Katherine and Logan climbed into their car and quickly exited the arena. Katherine almost ran over several backstage crew as she zoomed out onto the road.
Logan: I have a question for you, babygurl. Do you… do you wanna get married? Logan and Katherine? Huh? Tie the knot? Yeah? Yeah?! W—Will you marry me, Katherine Phoenix? Will you be my wife of treachery? My queen of the kingdom. And my foolish jester… who often makes me sandwiches and bathes me.
Katherines jaw dropped as she looked at Logan… happifulness just bubbled up inside her and made her feel like she was about to explode.
Katherine Phoenix: Logi Bearrrrrrrrrr! I have waited for the longest time for you to ask me this!!! Yes… yes… yes… YES!!! A million times yes!!! We should inform the kingdom, Logi Bear… we are to get married at noon. I want nothing but the very best for my wedding… and hire only the best security. I have a feeling if we invite the kingdom to our wedding someone will try and interrupt it…
Logan: You’re right… there will be a lotttttttttt of jealous people out there. They’ll be mad at you for marrying me. A lot of jealous people. I get proposed to almost every week by somebody… so consider yourself lucky cos I picked you.
Logan turned his head to Katherine with a wide grin on his face as she tried her very hardest to concentrate on the road… she wasn’t doing a very good job.
Logan: So are you going to change your last name to Logan? It’d be Katherine Logan… wife of treachery. Sandwich maker.
Katherine Phoenix: Ummmmmmmm Logan isn’t your last name, girl pants. Logan is your first name! What even is your last name…
Logan: Urghhhhhhh the only people who have known that have ended up dead, baby. You sure you wanna find out?
Katherine Phoenix: You should change your last name to Phoenix! Logan Phoenix… has a nice ring to it don’t you think?
Logan: Why don’t you give Daddy Logan a little kiss?
Katherine Phoenix: You don’t even know what your last name is do you hahaha. Admit it!
Logan: I… errrrrrrrrr… its not Phoenix! Certainly isn’t going to be Phoenix I’ll tell you that right now! Not on my watch!
Katherine Phoenix: What is it then, babygurl? What is Logans last name?!
Logan: It’s Logan. Mr Logan. Your king, your husband… your future, leader and world champion. Now come… bathe me.
Katherine Phoenix: Hahahaha your name is not Logan Logan! Honestly you’re soooooooo silly!
Logan: Yes! Logan Logan. Your last name will be Logan from now on after we get married… or you could just change your whole name to The Wife of Logan. That could work too. Whatever you want. Its your day, babygurl… its your day.
Katherine Phoenix: Katherine Logan. What would our baby be called? I’d imagine she’d be a girl.
Logan: Uh, it’d be a boy! What do you mean it’d be a girl?! It’d be a boy! And there’s, uhhhhhh… a couple of ground rules you know, a few duties that we’ve gotta go over if you wanna be the wife of treachery.
Katherine Phoenix: Oh yeah? And what are they Logi Bear?
Logan: Alright well… once a day I expect a sandwich at noon. No matter what I’m doing I want a sandwich at noon. And as wife of treachery you will be responsible for carrying any championships I acquire at all times. And uhhhhh… there’s the whole bathing thing… I, I like showers you know but uhhhhh I require bathement, bathed in baths with a sponge… so theres that. And uhhhh if my shoe ever becomes untied you’re to stop whatever you’re doing to tie it. There are a few more things but they’re the first couple of things which come along with being the wife of treachery. So I just wanted to go ahead and get you up to speed on that.
Katherine Phoenix: Hmmmmmmm okayz… anything else?
Logan: Oh there’s plenty. PLENTY of other things, babygurl. Just ...errrrrrr… we’ve gotta go and write up a contract. Get everything in ink… make this thing a sealed deal.
Katherine Phoenix: Do… do wives usually have to sign a sandwich making contract?
Logan: Of course that’s why it works. I know how you are too… I’m like “hey!” and you’re like… “I’m Katherine, I’m Katherine … I’m the official sandwich maker for Logan! Logan only!” and then we hang out together and I’m like “hey how about a sandwich?” and you’re all “Uhhhhh I don’t wanna make a sandwich, I wanna talk about Oblivion!” If you spent less time being a little drama queen and more time actually making me a sandwich you might actually win this!
Katherine Phoenix: I have won this, babygurl… I won this before the battle even began.
Logan: I think you need to step away from my spotlight.
Katherine Phoenix: Pfffffffft it’s MY spotlight. You’re just lucky enough to share it with me.
Logan: When I win my next championship, I’ll let you hold it for me.
Katherine Phoenix: Hey! HEY!!! I am the hero of this story…
Logan: You’re the Mary Jane, telling me to go get em, Tiger.
Katherine Phoenix: You’re the… Wolverine to my Phoenix… drooling all over me but knowing that you can never have THIS!
Katherine attempted to hit a pelvic thrust from her drivers seat.
Logan: When I win the championship the only thing you’ll be taking is a sponge bath with me to celebrate my greatness. And you’ll shave my chest.
Katherine Phoenix: Shave your chest? What sort of homo bear does that…
Logan: NOT ME!!! But I mean, uhhhhh… if I EVER shaved my chest… it’d be done by your hand.
Katherine Phoenix: You gotta be all manly and grrrrrr, Logi Bear… you’ll never amount to anything if you continue to act like a woman.
Logan: You should consider yourself lucky to have the honors.
Katherine Phoenix: You should consider yourself lucky that most people cant remember you dressing up as Sarah Teddy… you looked super cute by the way… in that little witches hat! Awwwwww
Logan: You should consider yourself lucky that I’m going to ignore that.
Katherine Phoenix: Ignore THIS!
Katherine hit another pelvic thrust.
Katherine Phoenix: Oh wait you already do… Logi Bear has the sex drive of a wet carrot.
Katherine looked over at Logan and burst out laughing as she almost ran over an old woman crossing the road.
Katherine Phoenix: Hahahahaha you know whats funny? I have this big battle with Oblivion coming up and I’ve spent more time making fun of you. I still love you though Logi Bear.
Logan: You better cos no body else will put up with you.
Katherine Phoenix: I wouldn’t want anybody else to put up with me, girl pants. Only Logi Bear truly understands me.
Logan: D’awwwwww
Katherine Phoenix: Break out the mini violins, babygurl.
Logan: What the hell does that mean?! Break out the mini violins? How about I break my foot out… in your ass.
Katherine Phoenix: That doesn’t make any sense, Logi. Also… I should have asked you this earlier but where exactly am I driving you to?
Logan looked over at Katherine with a cocky smile on his face, he did look cute when he looked like this.
Logan: Oh you’ll know when we get there, babygurl. Big plans are coming together right now… BIG plans!
The scene changed as we find a little brown furred bear wearing a denim dress leaving her little teddy bear cottage. In her hand she carried a basket full of hotdogs. A couple of birds flew just above her head as she walked merrily away from her house and towards the nearest town, called Boudleville.
Logelle: Boudle town, it’s a quiet village. Boudles here… and everywhere. Boudle town full of pathetic trashcans, waking up to say…
Villager Bear 1: Bonjour!
Villager Bear 2: Bonjour!
Villager Bear 3, 4 & 5: Bonjour… Bonjour… Bonjour!
Logelle walked over the small bridge into Boudleville as the villagers were rushing around enjoying their busy morning. A couple of bears Logelle recognized greeted her as she headed towards the town centre. The little baker bear rushed around the corner carrying his tray full of bread and Logelle smiled to herself watching as he nearly fell over his cat.
Logelle: There goes the baker, what a boudle he is. Pathetic and nerdy as can be. Every morning these boudles are the same, being super lame in this poor trashcanny town.
A little hotdog vendor bear stopped Logelle in her tracks as she continued humming her song in her head. In his hands was a tray full of hotdogs, each one a different size,
Hotdog Vendor Bear: Good morning Logelle!
Logelle: Shut up!
Hotdog Vendor Bear: Where are you off to?
Logelle: The book shop. I just finished the most wonderful story about hotdogs and ketchup and…
Hotdog Vendor Bear: That’s nice, Logelle. Do you want any hotdogs today?
Logelle: Hotdogs? Today? Of course I always want hotdogs! That’s why I’m a little bit porky around my belly here.
Hotdog Vendor Bear: Okay Logelle. I will drop some off at your house later, I really must go now. Have a good day!
Logelle continued walking into town as the villagers of Boudleville were obviously talking about her and how weird she was. Logelle was of course very different to the rest of Boudleville, in fact she was nothing like them and she was well aware of this fact.
Villager Bear 1: Look there she goes that bear is strange no question.
Villager Bear 2: Never part of any crowd… always pushed aside cos she’s so loud.
Villager Bear 3: Always talking about hotdogs and butt rape and trashcans…
Villager Bear 1, 2 & 3: No denying she’s a funny bear… that Logelle!
Looking angrily at the bears talking about her, Logelle threw her hotdogs at them all… covering them in ketchup and cheese and grease.
Logelle: SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN MOUTHS BEFORE I SEND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU STRAIGHT TO CONNECTOR CITY!!!
The villagers instantly shut up as Logelle finally made it to the towns bookshop and pushed the door open stepping into the store. The librarian greeted her as she closed the door behind her.
Librarian Bear: Ah, Logelle. So nice to see you again.
Logelle: Shut up, trashcan. Just give me another book so I can be on my way.
Librarian Bear: You finished your other one already? I didn’t even know you could read, Logelle!
Logelle: Oh I couldn’t put it down… who ever would have thought that it was the cow who jumped over the moon. And talk about a plot twist! The cat and the fiddle? Who ever saw that coming?! Anyway, have you got anything new?
Librarian Bear: New? In the children’s section? Hmmmmm… nope, not since yesterday.
Logelle: That’s alright, I’ll borrow… this one.
Logelle jumped up and grabbed a book, handing it to the librarian all excited.
Librarian Bear: “101 different hotdogs” are you sure you want to read this one, Logelle? You’ve read it loads of times already!
Logelle: Shut up trashcan. Yes I’m sure. It’s my favorite! Full of magic, daring recipes and hotdogs in disguise. A hotdog cake! Can you believe that?
Librarian Bear: Hahaha, if you like it that much, Logelle. Keep it.
Logelle: Keep it? Are you sure?
Librarian Bear: I insist!
The friendly Librarian Bear nodded as Logelle got so excited she almost peed her pants.
Logelle: Yayyyyyyy! See ya later, girl pants.
As soon as Logelle left the bookshop she bumped into a bear who was clearly waiting outside for her. He was definitely the tallest and muscliest bear in the village, but despite this he was actually quite a weak little peanut butter bitch. Obliviston, the villages clown. No one actually liked him but they kind of tolerated him just so he didn’t have a tantrum. To his left stood the man who had always blindly followed Obliviston despite how badly he was treated, Keifou.
Obliviston: Bonjour, Logelle.
Logelle: Bonjour? Bonjour?! What kind of made up make believe word is that?! This is America Obliviston! Speak English you stupid little boudle!
Obliviston unfazed by what Logelle had just said to him grabbed the book she was holding and flicked through a couple of its pages with an eyebrow raised.
Logelle: Obliviston, may I have my book, please? ...Trashcan.
Obliviston: Logelle, it's about time you got your head out of these books...
Obliviston took a bite out of the book and threw it down onto the dirty floor.
Obliviston: ...and started raping more important things...like me! The whole town's talking about IT.
The villages Boudlettes cringed as they watched Obliviston flex his muscles in his tight red tunic. The Boudlettes were beautiful and could have done a lot better for themselves, but they tolerated Obliviston just like everyone else did just so he didn’t try and rape them. Some of the female bears in the village did actually like Obliviston, but however hard they tried to seduce the muscle ridden monster, he was never interested in them. All he cared about was rape and he had done it many times… nothing was beneath him… not even ducks.
Obliviston: There is so much more to this world than hotdogs, Logelle. The only meat you should be craving is mine.
Logelle: Ewwwww. That's gross, Obliviston!
Obliviston: That's not what you'll be saying tonight... whaddya say you and me take a walk over to the tavern and have a look at my hunting trophies. I don't actually have any yet... But if I did they would be amazing!
Logelle: Errrrrr... Maybe some other time, ya peanut butter bitch.
Boudlette 1: You go girl!
Boudlette 2: Stupid Obliviston!
Boudlette 3: He's crazy!
Obliviston wrapped his arm around Logelle and attempted to lead her away but she pushed away from him and tried to distance herself as much as she could.
Logelle: Get away from me you weak peanut butter sandwich BITCH. I have way more important things to do… like go home and help my father.
Keifou: Ha ha ha, that crazy old loon, he needs all the help he can get!
Obliviston and Keifou laughed heartily as they thought about how bizarre and odd Logelles father was.
Logelle: Don't you talk about my father that way, trashcan.
Obliviston: Yeah, don't talk about her father that way! BOOM… CRASH… SLAM… WHACK!!!!
Obliviston smacked Keifou on the side of his head giving him a firm strict look.
Logelle: My father's not crazy! He's a genius!
Suddenly there was an explosion in the background. Logelle rushed home and descended into the basement as Obliviston and Keifou looked on laughing.
Logelle pushed her way through the cluttered basement trying to locate her father, a rugged looking old man called Royice.
Logelle: Dad?
Royice: How on earth did that happen? God damnit. How does this thing keep blowing up? It's only an automatic hotdog machine for gods sake! I'm about ready to give up on this thing, Logelle. I swear!
Logelle bent down and helped pick up a few of the scattered hotdog buns as she watched her father wipe the exploded mustard off of his face.
Logelle: Nonsense. You'll fix this up and go to that faire tomorrow and win first prize. You'll become a world famous inventor, dad.
Royice: You really think so?
Logelle: No you suck, give up and go away old man. Hahaha I'm just kidding! Of course I do! Now get back to work!
Royice: I can always rely on you, Logelle. Let's do this!
Royice continued to tinker around with the automatic hotdog machine as Logelle sat and watched him with admiration in her eyes.
Royice: By the way Obliviston called round here for you earlier, the guy seemed like a complete and utter boudle… but he is quite well built, I'll give him that.
Logelle: You think so? The guys always seemed like a complete and utter trashcan to me. I mean he doesn't even like hotdogs! Can you believe that? That guy is definitely not my type!
Royice: Well, don't you worry, cause this invention's going to be the start of a new life for us.
Royice continued to tinker away with his machine for a few moments.
Royice: I think that's done it. Now, let's give it a try.
The machine instantly came to life and started producing perfectly made hotdogs just like it should.
Logelle: It works!
Royice: It does? It does!
Logelle: You did it! You really did it! Now go and win that competition!
Royice: Yes! What am I waiting for? Let's pack up my things and I'll be on my way!
After several hours Royice was finally ready to leave and Logelle waved goodbye to him as he rode off into the distance.
A few hours past and Royice being the silly little bear that he was had managed to get himself completely and utterly lost in the woods. His horse had tried to lead him in the right direction but being as stubborn as he was, he just forced the horse to go even further in the wrong direction.
Royice: Where on earth have you taken us, Catsy? We should be there by now!
If Catsy the horse could have spoken he would have yelled at Royice and told him how stupid he was for ignoring him for so long and that him getting lost was completely his fault. They just went even further into the darkness and a few wolves appeared howling at them, Royice looked at them with horror in his eyes.
Royice: Oh no…
Getting fed up of Royices stupidly Catsy buckled and threw him off his back, running off into the distance. Royice tried to run away from the wolves and somehow fell down a hill crashing through some large steel gates. In the distance was a large abandoned looking castle which for some reason the village bears had completely forgotten was here. He locked the steel gates and made his way towards the castle. Royice pushed his way through the large wooden door and stepped inside.
Royice: Hello?
The place looked deserted, cobwebs hung down from the ceiling and there was nothing to be seen in this place… nothing except a Candle stick called Teoiere and a cobweb covered clock called Torture-worth.
Teoiere: (whispering) Poor guy must have got lost in the woods.
Torture-worth: (Also whispering) Keep quiet! Maybe he'll go away. This is my castle and therefore everything should remain being all about me!
Royice: Is someone there?
Torture-worth: Not a word, Teoiere. Not one word!
Royice: I don’t mean to be a complaining boudle or anything but my stupid useless horse ran off and I don’t know where I am.
Teoiere looked at Torture-worth giving him sad eyes feeling sorry for Royice.
Teoiere: Have heart, the poor guy is lost… he needs our help.
Torture-worth: Shhhhhhhhh!
Torture-worth put his hand over Teoieres mouth trying to remain in the spotlight but Teoiere put one of his lit candles against his cobweb covered hand making Torture-worth scream out in pain.
Torture-worth: Owww! Owwww! Owwwwwwww!
Teoiere: Yes of course, you are welcome here.
Royice was very confused and picked up Teoiere trying to shine some light into the large room not realizing that the candle he was holding was actually alive.
Royice: Who said that? Who’s there?
Teoiere tapped Royice on the shoulder to get his attention.
Teoiere: Hello!
Royice dropped Teoiere in shock as he just stood there with his mouth slightly open in horror. Royice didn’t move for a while as Teoiere picked himself up off the floor brushing himself down.
Torture-worth: Well now you’ve done it… now the castle will never be all about me ever again. Now it’ll just be about this old man… whoever he is.
Teoiere: Oh Torture-worth… shhhhh your noise. Stuff isn’t ALWAYS about you.
Royice looked between the two of them as they continued to talk to each other.
Royice: How is this even possible? I mean… how are you two talking?
Teoiere: Ah, a long story… perhaps I will tell you it someday. As for now lets get you warmed up and nice and comfortable. Follow me.
Torture-worth: No no no… this isn’t a good idea AT ALL. I absolutely forbid it!
Teoiere just ignored him as he lead Royice into the lounge. Royice sat down on a bit leather armchair as a little blue teapot sped into the room closely followed by a couple of teacups.
Mrs. Blue-Pot: Nice cup of cocoa, sir? It’ll warm you up in no time. Here…
Mrs. Blue-Pot poured herself into a little tea cup and handed it to Royice who happifully picked it up and took a mouthful of Bonnie Blue-Pots juices.
Royice: Those must have been some strong drugs I took earlier…
Teoiere: Hahaha no I assure you this is quite real. Just ummmmmm… lets try and keep it down, okay?
Torture-worth: Oh so now you agree it wasn’t a good idea to bring him in here? I told you! I will tell her that this was all your idea…
Royice: Uh, tell who?
Suddenly there was a loud bang from above them as someone slammed a door.
Teoiere: Uh oh...
There was a lot of rustling as suddenly Katherine Phoenix appeared in front of Royce picking him up out of the chair by his jackets collar.
Katherine Phoenix: Who are you?!
Royice looked up at Katherine shaking in his little booties as she growled in his face.
Royice: I... I... I didn't mean to intrude... I was lost and I got chased by some wolves and...
Katherine Phoenix: You aren't welcome here! You aren't cute at all! Why would I want some smelly old bear hanging around with me?! Ewwwwww!!
Royice: I... Im sorry I just thought...
Katherine Phoenix: Just thought what?! That you could just come in here and join my teddy bear gang?!
Royice: No! I...
Katherine Phoenix: TOO LATE!!! Now imma keep you forever and ever and ever! Even if you are all old and smelly and gross!
Katherine grabbed Royice by his paw and quickly dragged him out of the room.
Royice: No... No! Please... Pleaseeeeee!
Katherine dragged Royice out of the room and blew out all the candles with the draft caused by her slamming the door.
Outside Logelles cottage Obliviston and Kiefou are seen walking up to Logelles front door. They seem to be in quite a good mood... Or as good a mood a murderous rapist could be in anyway.
Kiefou: Haha oh boy Logelle is going to get the surprise of her life! This'll be great!
Obliviston: Yep. This is her lucky day! The day she gets everything she has ever wanted. She will become the monsters bitch and...
Keifou: You aren't going to rape her are you?
Obliviston: What?! No! Of course not! The monster is a gentleman!
Kiefou: Of course, of course...
Kiefou didn't believe him for a moment, he knew exactly how much of a messed up freak Obliviston was.
Obliviston: Alright you know what to do when we come out together, right?
Kiefou: Tell her how sorry I am that she's with you?
Obliviston slammed his paw down onto Kiefous head in anger.
Obliviston: No you idiot! You sing this...
Obliviston shoved a piece of paper into Kiefous paw and pushed him away as he turned his attention onto Logelles cottage.
Inside the cottage Logelle was looking through her new hotdog book and practically drooling over all of the hotdogs inside. Obliviston knocked on her front door and Logelle immediately made her way over to the door looking through the window at who was outside. She sighed to herself as she saw it was Obliviston and opened the door for him.
Logelle: What do you want boudle pants?
Obliviston: Hahaha oh Logelle you and your funny words.
Obliviston pushed his way into Logelles cottage walking over to the nearby armchair and sitting down in it.
Obliviston: There's not a girl in town who wouldn't love to be in your shoes, Logelle... you know that?
Logelle: Uh huh... can we speed this along? I am quite busy today...
Obliviston: Logelle IT wants you to become ITs wife.
Logelle burst out laughing as soon as she heard what Obliviston had said.
Obliviston: IT is serious.
Logelle: Uh huh... Im sure you are, babygurl, but...
Obliviston: I'M NOT BABYGURL!!
Logelle: LIES! You are too!!
Obliviston: IM BEEFCAKE!!
Logelle looked Obliviston up and down with a smile on her face.
Logelle: More like crumb cake
Obliviston: Stud muffin!!
Logelle: Angel cake?
Obliviston: Devils Food Cake!!
Logelle: Fairy cake?
Obliviston: Devils food cake with sprinkles!!
Logelle: A birthday cake with pink frosting?
Obliviston: Eww Pink frosting is nasty
Logelle: Pink frosting is nice! It's only pink it still tastes the same
Obliviston: Yuck!!
Logelle rolled her eyes at Obliviston.
Logelle: Would you feel better about it if it was red or black frosting?
Obliviston: BOTH!!!
Logelle: Okay then you're birthday with red and black frosting but you have pink sparkle candles on top
Obliviston: NO!!! NO PINK SPRINKLES!!
Logelle: Yes!!! Pink sparkles and then even play an adorable little tune when you light them
Obliviston: NOOOOOO!!
Logelle: Yep yep yep
Obliviston: Dark chocolate with fudge frosting. German chocolate sprinkles. With dark coffee syrup!! Then set it on fire!!! MAN CAKE!!
Logelle: Nope none of that. Red and black frosting with pink sparkle candles which play a tune. Final offer
By now Obliviston looked like he was about to explode.
Obliviston: Logelle why does IT get the feeling that you aren't taking IT seriously?
Logelle: Who the hell does take you seriously you weak little bastard?!
Obliviston: IT will just go if you continue...
Logelle opened the door for Obliviston telling him to leave.
Logelle: Good! See ya later girl pants.
Obliviston walked towards the door and turned around to Logelle before he left.
Obliviston: This isn't over, Logelle. You will be ITs... Even if IT needs to rape some sense right into you!
Logelle pushed Obliviston out of her house and slammed the door in his face.
Kiefou: Didn't go too well, huh?
Obliviston: SHUT UP!!!
Obliviston and Kiefou left the area as Logelle watched them leave through the window still totally disgusted by what she had just been through. She finally stepped outside and started feeding a couple of her chickens pieces of hotdog.
Logelle sang a happiful little song to herself as she played around in the garden. Just as she was about to go back indoors Catsy ran into the open field. Logelle ran over to her horse disturbed that her father was not with him.
Logelle: Catsy! What are you doing here? Where's papa, Catsy?! Did he get lost in the woods again? Come on Catsy, take me to him... we have to bring him home.
Logelle climbed on top of Catsy and rode off as fast as possible towards the woods to rescue her father.
After a short while Catsy and Logelle arrived at the castle, Logelle immediately rushed through the gates and went over to the big wooden door checking the place out.
Logelle: What is this place, Catsy? How could I be silly enough to forget that such a huge place was so close to my cottage…
Inside the castle Teoiere and Torture-worth were busy having an argument like they always did.
Torture-worth: Just couldn’t keep quiet could we? Just had to invite him into the castle. And now where is he, huh? Kat has him up in the dungeon, doing god knows what to him. This is all your fault, Teoiere!
Teoiere: Oh shut up! I was trying to be nice to the poor guy, maybe you should try it!
Logelle pushed open the large wooden door and stepped inside desperately searching for her father.
Logelle: Hello? Is anyone here? Hello? Papa? Dad? Are you here? Hello?
Logelle rushed further into the castle and ran up the stairs still searching. She heard a noise coming from just up ahead as she quickly went towards it.
Logelle: Hello? Dad? Dad is that you?
Logelle ran into the castles dungeon and saw that within one of the cells was her father, barely moving with colorful scrunchies in his hair.
Logelle: Dad!!!
Royice: Logelle? Is that you?
Logelle: Oh Dad! What happened? Who did this to you?! I’ll fucking end them! Send them into connector city! Rawrrrrrrrrrr!
Royice: How… How did you find me?
Logelle grabbed hold of her fathers hands through the bars.
Logelle: Oh, your hands are like ice. We have to get you out of here, Dad. Are you hungry? I think I have a spare hotdog on me…
Royice: No. Logelle, I want you to leave this place. No time to explained! Just go… now!
Logelle: I won't leave you, dad! I know you wouldn’t leave me!
Out of no where Katherine Phoenix grabbed Logelle by her shoulder and whipped her around, growling into her face.
Katherine Phoenix: What are you doing here?!
Royice: Run, Logelle!
Logelle: Who's there? Who are you? I've come for my father. Please let him out! Can't you see he's sick?
Katherine Phoenix: Oh don’t be so silly! He isn’t sick… hes just exhausted from all the playing we’ve done together.
Logelle: No… he’s sick. Look at him. He’s all white and cold and stuff!
Katherine Phoenix: He’s always looked that ugly!
Logelle: Please… let him go. I’ll do anything.
Katherine Phoenix: …anything?
Logelle: Yes! Please… just let my father go.
Katherine Phoenix: If I let him go you must take his place and stay with me forever!
Royice: No! Logelle don’t do it. I’ve lived my life. Just go now whilst you can. Please Logelle…
Logelle squeezed her fathers hand tight and turned away from him.
Logelle: Done.
Katherine Phoenix: Good! You’re way cuter anyway! Guards… let him out!
A couple of little prison guard bears opened the jail cell door and dragged Royice down the stairs not giving Logelle chance to say goodbye. She fell down onto her knees crying as her father was sent away.
Katherine Phoenix: Come with me.
Logelle: But… I thought I was your prisoner?
Katherine Phoenix: You are… but you don’t want to stay in these horrible cells do you? I have a super nice room upstairs which is just PERFECT for you.
Logelle: Well no… I don’t want to stay here.
Katherine Phoenix: Good then come with me!
Logelle pushed herself up off the floor wiping tears away from her face as Katherine lead her upstairs into the guest bedroom. The bedroom was very nice with a pink décor and large comfortable bed.
Katherine Phoenix: See! This is much better, right?
Logelle didn’t answer, she just ran into the room and threw herself onto the bed crying into a pillow.
Katherine Phoenix just slammed the bedroom door and walked away not wanting to put up with Logelles mood balling.
Back at Oblivistons tavern, the monster sat surrounded by his #Krew comrades looking all down and sorry for himself.
Obliviston: IT doesn’t believe she said no to IT like that. Made fun of IT… humiliated IT! Who does she think she is?! Doesn’t she know who IT is?! IT is disgraced.
Keifou: Oh pull yourself together Obliviston! I am so sick of seeing you feeling sorry for yourself like this.
Gosh it annoys me to see you, Obliviston
Looking so down in the dumps
No body here would like to be you, Obliviston…
Especially not when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as hated as you
You're no body's favorite guy
No one's awed or inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why!
No ones as weak as Obliviston, as peanutty as Obliviston
No one’s reduced to rape just to get some action once in a while like Obliviston
For there's no man in town half a womanly
A complete waste of space that you are
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they'll tell you who's team they don’t want to be on!
No one's a hasbeen like Obliviston, a cheap wannabe like Obliviston
No one's got a glass jaw and gets his ass beat by women like Obliviston
As a specimen, no, he’s not intimidating!
My, what a guy that Obliviston!
Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips
Obliviston is the worst and no one gives a shit!
No one fights as bad as Obliviston, no one’s bite is as weak as Oblivistons
In a wrestling match, no body loses like Obliviston
For there's no one as weak and pathetic
As you see he’s as worthless as can be
Every bit of him is scraggly or scrawny
And not a single bit of him's covered in hair!
No one hits as weak as Obliviston, everyone out wits Obliviston
In a spitting match, everyone spits better than Obliviston!
He’s especially bad at expectorating! Ptooey!
Zero points for Obliviston!
When he was a lad he raped four dozen eggs
Every morning to help him get large!
And now that he’s grown, he rapes five dozen eggs
So he’s roughly the size of a barge!
No one shoots as bad as Obliviston, gets rejected by beauts like Obliviston
Then goes stomping around wearing boots like Obliviston
He really really sucks at decorating!
My what a guy! Obliviston!!!!!!!
Just as the scene was about to fade back to the castle something… or someone started to annoy Katherine calling her name.
Voice: Kat? KAT?!! BABYGURL!!!
Katherine shook her head and woke up from her dream… or at least she thought it was a dream and looked around at who was just calling her name. To her delight it was nonother than WCF Legend, Logan… who for some reason was actually dressed this time.
Logan: You having a dream, babygurl?
Katherine Phoenix: Yes… it was great! You would have loved it… a bunch of people were singing a song about Obi and completely tearing him apart hahahaha! It was soooooo funny!
Logan: Oh yeah?
Katherine Phoenix: YEAH! Anyway where are we?
Katherine looked around at her surroundings trying to remember where she had fallen asleep.
Katherine Phoenix: Oh…
Katherine and Logan were in her old Assistant of Talent Relations office… she must have fallen asleep whilst she was throwing a fit about being fired. Around her several men were removing all of her belongings. She quickly grabbed hold of her teddy bears making sure that they didn’t take those.
Logan: I can’t believe they fired you… I thought you did a good job.
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t believe its not butter.
Logan: What?
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t know. Koala Lion is just huffy at me because he figured out that I didn’t care about him and that he couldn’t brainwash me like he did with that Jimmy Holden person.
Logan raised an eyebrow at her.
Logan: Who?
Katherine Phoenix: No idea…
Katherine gave Logan a happiful smile as she looked at the removal men who just continued to take all of her belongings out of her office. It kinda upset her… but then at the same time it didn’t bother her at all. It was a weird feeling.
Katherine Phoenix: Logi Bear… do you think we’re “good” people?
Logan: Of course. The other day I fed a hooker to a shark. The poor guy might’ve starved!
Katherine Phoenix: Where… where did you get a shark from?! WAIT!!! What were you doing being with a hooker you dirty fucking skank!!!
Logan: I got it from the ocean.
Katherine Phoenix: You got a hooker from the ocean? Why…
Logan: No, you dimwit. I got the shark from Toys R Us. Hmmmmm… she was a bit young. Come to think of it maybe she wasn’t a hooker. Either way I helped out that poor homeless shark with a meal, so how could you question my kindness?
Katherine Phoenix: How did you know the shark was homeless anyway? He could have had some kinda awesome underwater castle thing for all you know! Have you never seen The Little Mermaid?!
Logan shook his head.
Logan: No, I honestly haven’t.
Katherine Phoenix: GET OUT!!!
Logan: Less questions more sandwiches, babygurl.
Logan grabbed Katherine up out of her chair and pushed her away towards the office door. .
Logan: HOLD THE MAYO. I SWEAR. YOU HOLD THAT FUCKIN’ MAYO!!!
Katherine turned around and shook her head at Logan.
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t have time to make you sandwiches today, Logi Bear. I’ve got to train real hard and stuffs today. I’m fighting Oblivion this week… don’t you know how much of a challenge that is?! I’d much rather be in the jobber bear match like you are.
Logan: Eh, the man is a chairshot away from becoming a vegetable. So…
Logan leaned into Katherines face.
Logan: Just hit him with a chair.
Logan grinned at Katherine.
Logan: How about that sandwich?
Katherine Phoenix: I… I kind of want to do more than just hit him with a chair Logi Bear. That peanut butter bitch has gone way too far this time. I tried to be his friend… I tried to love him and cuddle him and make him all cute and stuffs… and you know what he did? He… he… he prodded me with his microscopic monster.
Several tears ran down Katherines face.
Katherine Phoenix: And then to make things even worse ever since then he’s done nothing but try and get into my head… get into my mind and upset me even more so. I don’t want to hit him with a chair… I want to rip his stuffing out and completely and utterly destroy him and send him away FOREVER!!!
Logan yawned stretching his arms into the air and wrapping them around Katherines shoulders.
Logan: Please go on.
A touch of sarcasm was hiding in his voice, Katherine just glared at her Logi Bear super annoyed at him.
Katherine Phoenix: You’re the most unsupportive boudle bear bitch EVER!!! Maybe I should rip YOUR stuffing out, Logi Bear! Whatcha think about THAT?!!
He blinked his eyelids open
Logan: I’m unsupportive? ME?! Do you realize that I have been asking for a sandwich for the last twenty minutes and I haven’t received a single crumb.
Katherine looked super huffy as she stared straight through Logan anger boiling within her.
Katherine Phoenix: You remember the days when you always used to go on… and on… and on… AND ON about me making you a sandwich and so I used to put sand and other gross things in them? Imma sooooo start doing that again so you shut up and maybe actually help me in my battles for once!
Logan: Oh… I didn’t realize you were wrestling for the World Champion Contendership. Wait… you’re not. Oh, that’s right… I am!
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t care about your stupid little match, Logi!!! Don’t you know what that horrible peanut butter BITCH did to me?! He tried to destroy everything I am… mentally! That wasn’t very nice, Logi Bear. THAT WASN’T VERY NICE AT ALL!!!
Logan rolled his eyes.
Logan: Who cares about Oblivion. No reason to get so worked up over someone who can’t finish a single sentence without stuttering and shitting himself.
Katherine Phoenix: Blah blah blah look at me, my names Logi Bear aren’t I so great?!
Katherine started mocking Logan and the way he was standing.
Katherine Phoenix: I’m fighting some idiotic bears for some title… all I care about is myself… blah blah blah I’m so wonderful! Yayyyyyyyy me!
Logan pulled out a butterfly knife from his pocket and held it up to Katherines neck, it didn’t bother her as much as it should have done.
Logan: I know the way to defeat Oblivion. Would you like me to share?
Katherine Phoenix: Is it by being even more peanutty and even more clueless than even him?
At this point Katherine was starting to lose her patience with Logan.
Logan: No. Stick the knife in your cunt.
Katherine just blinked at Logan.
Katherine Phoenix: I… I don’t get it. How would that help me defeat Oblivion, Logi? How does that even make any sense!
Logan: Once its in you’ll get it.
Katherine Phoenix: I… I still don’t get how that’d defeat him. If anything he’d probably enjoy that Logi! Oh my godddddddd you’re soooooo useless!
Logan: The next time he tries to stick his ding-ding in you it won’t turn out so well. Now come, Sandwich Maker of Treachery… lets ride.
Logan lead Katherine out of her old office and walked with her down the corridor. Katherine kind of wished he’d hold her hand as they walked together but she knew Logan would never do that.
Katherine Phoenix: Soooooooo Logi Bear… there’s this new girl in the WCF called Tiffy Bear. Was kinda wondering if you’d like to see us… do stuff together?
Logan: Tiffany? No! NEVER!!! …Maybe.
Katherine Phoenix: Yes her… yes or no, babygurl?
Logan: I assumed you were my one and only
Katherine Phoenix: Sooooo you’re saying Logi Bear ISN’T the kind of guy who likes to sit there and watch two girls get it on?
Logan: I’m saying I haven’t even had returned yet and you’re already acting like a whore.
Katherine Phoenix: Only if its something Logi Bear would enjoy! Like if he was sitting there on his throne with boudles running around him and he’s just controlling me and Tiffy Bear…
Logan: Logan no longer has sexual interest.
Katherine suddenly came to a halt in the middle of the corridor and just stared at Logan with horror in her eyes.
Katherine Phoenix: WHY?!!
Logan: His only arousal is violence!
Katherine Phoenix: Pffffffffft so you’re saying if I grinded up on you right now you wouldn’t want it? LIES!!! I could so get some of that hotdog of treachery if I wanted it!
Logan: Nope. Unless someone is screaming bloody murder, sex is boring.
Katherine Phoenix: You’re telling me Logi Bear won’t give me what I want?! I have desires and needs you freaking boudle!!!
Logan: Skittles aren’t enough?!
Katherine Phoenix: What about when I’m all like… frisky and stuff! I’m a nympho Logi! What do you expect me to do with myself?! We used to have crazy random sexy time all the time before! Are you saying that we will never do sexy stuff together EVER again?!
Logan: Are you saying my sandwich maker is nothing more than a whore?
Katherine Phoenix: Hey! HEY!!! I am the mother of your child and so if I want your hotdog I will get bloody hotdog!!!
Logan: No child of mine came from that snatch!
Katherine Phoenix: It must be yours! I haven’t slept with anyone else!
Logan: Haha… haha… lovely joke.
Katherine Phoenix: Unbelievable. I will rape you if I need to! Then problem solved!
Logan: Keep your pants on, we have important business to take care of.
Katherine Phoenix: But I want to playyyyyyyyy! And Logan used to rape me all the time. It was FUN!!! Whats changed?!
Logan: Someone has to take responsibility for you… might as well be me.
Katherine Phoenix: RIGHT THAT’S IT!!! We’re going to couples counselling!
Logan: ITS ABOUT TIME!!! I have some things to get off my chest about your whore ways. Sarah, Joey… if Oblivion wasn’t retarded I’d think otherwise. Where does it end?
Katherine Phoenix: Right that’s it I am so taking us to couples counselling right now!
Katherine continued to walk through the corridor super huffy at Logan.
Logan: Do what you must, swine. As long as you support me through my triumph and handle my business and make me sandwiches and keep my sexual desires fulfilled. Even if that means dressing up as Torture.
Katherine Phoenix: I thought you said you didn’t have sexual desires!
Logan: Whenever you wear a Torture mask they become harder to control. Butt raping Torture is the ultimate WCF victory. Taking everything from him!
Katherine Phoenix: Are… are you gay? Are you coming out the closet right now or something?! Cos I don’t think I’m ready for that Logi Bear!
Logan: Am I? Are you… begging for sex?
Katherine Phoenix: It would seem you are if you want to have sex with Torture…
Logan: Having sex with you isn’t? Unbelievable.
Katherine Phoenix: I’m a girl!!! Unbelievable.
Logan: Since you’re a girl, you wearing a Torture mask wouldn’t be gay.
Katherine Phoenix: You thinking of Torture whilst we’re having sex would be pretty gay though!
Logan: Its vagina! How is that gay?
Katherine Phoenix: Cos you’re looking at a mask which looks like a guy! A guy who you fought many times in the ring!
Logan: But its symbolic. My way of ruining him.
Katherine Phoenix: Were you aroused during your matches with him?!
Logan: WERE YOU YOU WHORE?! HOW DARE YOU!!!
Katherine Phoenix: Ive never had a match with Torture! But I bet if I did you’d find it super hot!
Logan: From here on out you wear a chastity belt
Katherine Phoenix: Why?!
Logan: Because you’re a slut and I’m trying to regrow my reputation
Katherine Phoenix: Somehow I don’t think having sex with a girl whilst she’s being forced to wear a mask which looks like your arch enemy would be a good way for you to build your reputation.
Logan: Nice to know even a sandwich maker can have an opinion every now and then. How adorable! Don’t care for Logan, Kat? Don’t you lick the sweat off of him after every match?
Katherine Phoenix:Yes of course but I still think its kinda weird that you want me to wear a torture mask. Would this be an all the time thing or just once every now and then?
Logan: Blue moon of course.
Katherine Phoenix: And then I can have hotdog whenever I want without the mask?
Logan: Of course! Just as long as you do the Torture thing whenever he mentions my name.
Katherine Phoenix: You really think he’s that likely to mention your name?
Logan: He exists because of me
Katherine Phoenix: How do you figure?
Logan: How do I not?
Katherine Phoenix: Wait!!! You mean to tell me it’s YOUR fault Torture exists?! You… MONSTER!!!
Logan: What happened when the Hotdog Kings split buns and I left? He teamed up with Mayhem. Team of Treachery… the list goes on…
Katherine Phoenix: I don’t think you created Torture… just more… he’s always wanted to be Logan.
Logan: Which is why you should understand the importance of wearing the mask!
Katherine Phoenix: So… in a way… you’re kinda screwing yourself?
Logan: Precisely. I’m a masochist you see.
Katherine Phoenix: I think you and torture would probably benefit more from couples counselling than we would, babygurl.
Logan: When it comes to counselling no other nutjob needs it more than you
Katherine Phoenix: Says the guy who literally wants to fuck himself!
Logan: Are you really prepared to take that tone with me you skittle munching fuckbag?
Katherine Phoenix: Hey! HEY!!! That’s Ms Skittle Munching Fuckbag to you, girl pants. I am the assistant of talent relations nowadays… or I was anyway! Not some bottom of the ladder jobber bear bitch!
Logan lifted his hand up in front of Katherine as they reached the parking lot in the arena.
Logan: Do you see this hand? It can slap a tooth out of your face with a single jerk. A few of these and well… maybe you’d actually be decent at sucking a guy off.
Katherine Phoenix: I always did like it when you played tough Logi Bear… but if I remember correctly nine times out of ten I always ended up on top. Rawrrrrrrr!
Logan: Nine times out of ten the whore always gets their way.
Katherine and Logan walked over to their car, which was as always just as smashed up as it always had been. Katherine wasn’t exactly a fantastic driver… she always got way too distracted.
Katherine Phoenix: Do you want to drive?
Logan: Are you asking Lord Treachery if he wants to look after himself?!
Katherine Phoenix: Right, right… I’ll drive.
Katherine and Logan climbed into their car and quickly exited the arena. Katherine almost ran over several backstage crew as she zoomed out onto the road.
Logan: I have a question for you, babygurl. Do you… do you wanna get married? Logan and Katherine? Huh? Tie the knot? Yeah? Yeah?! W—Will you marry me, Katherine Phoenix? Will you be my wife of treachery? My queen of the kingdom. And my foolish jester… who often makes me sandwiches and bathes me.
Katherines jaw dropped as she looked at Logan… happifulness just bubbled up inside her and made her feel like she was about to explode.
Katherine Phoenix: Logi Bearrrrrrrrrr! I have waited for the longest time for you to ask me this!!! Yes… yes… yes… YES!!! A million times yes!!! We should inform the kingdom, Logi Bear… we are to get married at noon. I want nothing but the very best for my wedding… and hire only the best security. I have a feeling if we invite the kingdom to our wedding someone will try and interrupt it…
Logan: You’re right… there will be a lotttttttttt of jealous people out there. They’ll be mad at you for marrying me. A lot of jealous people. I get proposed to almost every week by somebody… so consider yourself lucky cos I picked you.
Logan turned his head to Katherine with a wide grin on his face as she tried her very hardest to concentrate on the road… she wasn’t doing a very good job.
Logan: So are you going to change your last name to Logan? It’d be Katherine Logan… wife of treachery. Sandwich maker.
Katherine Phoenix: Ummmmmmmm Logan isn’t your last name, girl pants. Logan is your first name! What even is your last name…
Logan: Urghhhhhhh the only people who have known that have ended up dead, baby. You sure you wanna find out?
Katherine Phoenix: You should change your last name to Phoenix! Logan Phoenix… has a nice ring to it don’t you think?
Logan: Why don’t you give Daddy Logan a little kiss?
Katherine Phoenix: You don’t even know what your last name is do you hahaha. Admit it!
Logan: I… errrrrrrrrr… its not Phoenix! Certainly isn’t going to be Phoenix I’ll tell you that right now! Not on my watch!
Katherine Phoenix: What is it then, babygurl? What is Logans last name?!
Logan: It’s Logan. Mr Logan. Your king, your husband… your future, leader and world champion. Now come… bathe me.
Katherine Phoenix: Hahahaha your name is not Logan Logan! Honestly you’re soooooooo silly!
Logan: Yes! Logan Logan. Your last name will be Logan from now on after we get married… or you could just change your whole name to The Wife of Logan. That could work too. Whatever you want. Its your day, babygurl… its your day.
Katherine Phoenix: Katherine Logan. What would our baby be called? I’d imagine she’d be a girl.
Logan: Uh, it’d be a boy! What do you mean it’d be a girl?! It’d be a boy! And there’s, uhhhhhh… a couple of ground rules you know, a few duties that we’ve gotta go over if you wanna be the wife of treachery.
Katherine Phoenix: Oh yeah? And what are they Logi Bear?
Logan: Alright well… once a day I expect a sandwich at noon. No matter what I’m doing I want a sandwich at noon. And as wife of treachery you will be responsible for carrying any championships I acquire at all times. And uhhhhh… there’s the whole bathing thing… I, I like showers you know but uhhhhh I require bathement, bathed in baths with a sponge… so theres that. And uhhhh if my shoe ever becomes untied you’re to stop whatever you’re doing to tie it. There are a few more things but they’re the first couple of things which come along with being the wife of treachery. So I just wanted to go ahead and get you up to speed on that.
Katherine Phoenix: Hmmmmmmm okayz… anything else?
Logan: Oh there’s plenty. PLENTY of other things, babygurl. Just ...errrrrrr… we’ve gotta go and write up a contract. Get everything in ink… make this thing a sealed deal.
Katherine Phoenix: Do… do wives usually have to sign a sandwich making contract?
Logan: Of course that’s why it works. I know how you are too… I’m like “hey!” and you’re like… “I’m Katherine, I’m Katherine … I’m the official sandwich maker for Logan! Logan only!” and then we hang out together and I’m like “hey how about a sandwich?” and you’re all “Uhhhhh I don’t wanna make a sandwich, I wanna talk about Oblivion!” If you spent less time being a little drama queen and more time actually making me a sandwich you might actually win this!
Katherine Phoenix: I have won this, babygurl… I won this before the battle even began.
Logan: I think you need to step away from my spotlight.
Katherine Phoenix: Pfffffffft it’s MY spotlight. You’re just lucky enough to share it with me.
Logan: When I win my next championship, I’ll let you hold it for me.
Katherine Phoenix: Hey! HEY!!! I am the hero of this story…
Logan: You’re the Mary Jane, telling me to go get em, Tiger.
Katherine Phoenix: You’re the… Wolverine to my Phoenix… drooling all over me but knowing that you can never have THIS!
Katherine attempted to hit a pelvic thrust from her drivers seat.
Logan: When I win the championship the only thing you’ll be taking is a sponge bath with me to celebrate my greatness. And you’ll shave my chest.
Katherine Phoenix: Shave your chest? What sort of homo bear does that…
Logan: NOT ME!!! But I mean, uhhhhh… if I EVER shaved my chest… it’d be done by your hand.
Katherine Phoenix: You gotta be all manly and grrrrrr, Logi Bear… you’ll never amount to anything if you continue to act like a woman.
Logan: You should consider yourself lucky to have the honors.
Katherine Phoenix: You should consider yourself lucky that most people cant remember you dressing up as Sarah Teddy… you looked super cute by the way… in that little witches hat! Awwwwww
Logan: You should consider yourself lucky that I’m going to ignore that.
Katherine Phoenix: Ignore THIS!
Katherine hit another pelvic thrust.
Katherine Phoenix: Oh wait you already do… Logi Bear has the sex drive of a wet carrot.
Katherine looked over at Logan and burst out laughing as she almost ran over an old woman crossing the road.
Katherine Phoenix: Hahahahaha you know whats funny? I have this big battle with Oblivion coming up and I’ve spent more time making fun of you. I still love you though Logi Bear.
Logan: You better cos no body else will put up with you.
Katherine Phoenix: I wouldn’t want anybody else to put up with me, girl pants. Only Logi Bear truly understands me.
Logan: D’awwwwww
Katherine Phoenix: Break out the mini violins, babygurl.
Logan: What the hell does that mean?! Break out the mini violins? How about I break my foot out… in your ass.
Katherine Phoenix: That doesn’t make any sense, Logi. Also… I should have asked you this earlier but where exactly am I driving you to?
Logan looked over at Katherine with a cocky smile on his face, he did look cute when he looked like this.
Logan: Oh you’ll know when we get there, babygurl. Big plans are coming together right now… BIG plans!
