Post by Kyle Kemp on Jan 31, 2016 2:06:19 GMT -5
Part 1
The noises of a packed arena can still be heard as the end of Slam draws near. While some would be watching on a monitor in the back or grabbing a bite to eat from the catering table, I am doing neither of those things. The fact of the matter is that I want out of Raleigh. I need to bounce and I need to now. That means grab all of your shit and go which is exactly what I am doing. I stand in the #BeachKrew locker room and am cramming my gear into my black Nike duffel bag. Only a few minutes ago did I lose my tag team match and the annoyance of such a loss continues to burn a hole in my mind.
How in the hell did we lose this match? Teo isn’t big time and Andre Jensen is a joke. So how did we lose the match? I shake my head because I know the answer is simply Oblivion. I have been tagging with him for a few weeks now and he hasn’t shown up once. Not once. What makes it worse is that he is supposed to be a monster and I’ve got to pussy foot around and not tell him this to his face. I’ve got to keep him happy as his psyche is far from perfect these days. He’s allowed all of these other fools in his head.
I roll my eyes at the thought of all of the shit that Katherine Phoenix has been putting him through and I know that while that might be a game changer for most, it’s not for #BeachKrew. We are supposed to be the standard bearer and he hasn’t done that. He’s fucking hung me out to dry and I’m sick of it. That is why I need to get the hell out of here before I go off. I slip on my black athletic pants, a red t-shirt with a black track jacket over it and my black Nike shoes. I pick up a black snap back and slide it onto my head and take one last look around the locker room to see if I’ve forgotten anything and walk out.
I walk down the hallway with a quick pace, hoping to just get the hell out of here. I pass random backstage workers who stare at me with the look that I hate. The look of someone that is a loser. The past few weeks have stunted all of the momentum that I had coming out of One and it pisses me off. I just brush past these people and walk towards the exit. I can see the door only 20 yards away when Hank Brown steps in front of me with a camera crew and I sigh. Now is not the time for this but I know that I’ll look worse if I just push him aside and walk out. Hank has a mic in his hand and that sappy grin on his face.
“Kyle! Kyle! Can you tell us what your feelings are after your match tonight?”
The frustrated look that has been on my face doesn’t disappear with this question. “My feelings are that we dropped the ball tonight. Hands down we dropped the ball when taking on these guys and it pisses me off. #BeachKrew is better than that and I’m better than that. The only option is to go back to the drawing board and show up on Sunday with the right mindset.”
“With Sunday in mind, how do you get yourself ready?”
“I know that most would say get in the gym and get in the film room to watch tape on Andre Jensen but we both know I’m not gonna do that. I’ll get myself ready by taking care of me and doing what I do. Pampering myself.”
“Pampering yourself?”
“Yes pampering myself. You see Hank, I show up every week and a lot more goes into taking care of myself than you might think. That’s unfortunate for you and all of these fans because they don’t have an inkling of what it take to be me. It’s the circumstance of being poor which all of these people are. They don’t get to see what I do every day as a rich man. Now I know that my opponent this Sunday is rich as well but there is only one Kyle Kemp. I don’t use my money to nerd out but to live in luxury and I plan on showing Andre Jensen how wrong and how much of a loser he really is. That is why I invite the fans to watch the WCF Network on Tuesday. You will see a behind the scenes look at my day tomorrow and how a real rich man lives because a camera crew will be following me around all day tomorrow as I get myself ready for not only Fifteen but get ready for the media tour that goes along with it.”
I push past Hank Brown and out the door as I can’t stand to sit and answer another question.
Part 2
Sun begins to slip into my bedroom in my Chicago apartment at 7 AM and my eyes slowly open. I take a look around the room during the initial moments after you wake up and wonder where the hell that you are. This is quickly replaced with a sense of relaxation when you recognize that you are in the comfort of your home and your own bed. That however is also quickly replaced when your mind kicks in and remembers certain things and for me that is is the loss against Teo and Jensen last night. I become tense as I stare up at the ceiling and my emotions begin to bubble.
I still can’t believe that I had to work through another loss last night. The overall emotions that I have are unspeakable as I just want to succeed. I roll over and pick up my phone with a smile. The smile is because I think it’s about time to have my first Uninterrupted post for Bleacher Report. It was a few days ago where the guys over there reached out to me and asked me to be one of the guys that posts real and upfront videos on their website and app. Guys like Draymond Green and Lebron James posts on there but I am one guy that they have wanted for months because I’m simply better. I’m better at speaking my mind and articulating to all of these people how I feel.
I open the camera on my iPhone and switch it to take videos. I press the button to record and set it down on the nightstand as I sit up in bed and smile. “What’s up everyone? It’s Kyle Kemp here in my home as I prep for my day today and I just wanted to let everyone know what to expect. For those of you that tune in to the WCF Network will see how I live which is in luxury. You will see why I am the anit Andre Jensen. I’m everything that he wishes he was. I’m the reason he sits at home and plays his little games. I’m everything he wishes he was and this Sunday I’ll prove that but as far as today goes, you’re going to get a glimpse into my life and how I live. Consider this a privilege.”
I reach over and turn off the recorder. I watch the video back and am satisfied so I submit it to Bleacher Report. Today is going to be a good day.
Part 3
It has been a couple of hours since the video was submitted to Bleacher Report and the smile that crossed my face when I submitted the video has not subsided. Instead the thought of my day has been rolling through my head and I cannot help but be excited. While Jensen will be in my thoughts, today is about me. It’s about taking care of me and rubbing in everyone’s face why I’m better than everyone else. I stand in front of my walk in closet and stare at the clothes hung up. What should I wear? I have to look at my best to show off. This day isn’t about me and it isn’t about Jensen. It’s about showing these nerds that claim that it is the age of the nerd that this is still our world. It’s still a world that bros like me run and nothing is going to change that. A smile crosses my face as I see a shirt tucked in the corner of my closet. It is a fitted Under Armour black shirt with white lettering that reads “Bobcats Baseball.”
I hold the shirt up and the memories of my high school baseball career come rushing back. I can remember all of the accomplishments and the recruiting process where everyone wanted me to come to their school. Most would think those are the good times and while playing baseball was a big part of my life, the real good times were what baseball did for my standing in high school. There is nothing like being king. The rush where you walk inside the doors to the school and everyone’s head turns. Everyone talks about you and whether it’s good or bad, they’re still talking about you. There’s nothing like it.
I slide the shirt on and grab a light wash pair of jeans along with my white Nike Air Force One’s. As I put on the finishing parts of my outfit I know that this was standard attire from those days. This is going to be fun. Not only am I going to pamper myself today but maybe I’ll have to make a couple detours and show everyone why jocks always win. Except it won’t be like high school. No it will be on a more higher scale. There will be no swirlies or knocking books out of nerds hands. Instead it will be pain and far worse mental torture.
Part 4
I walk out of my apartment building and the camera is rolling. This documentary is going to be perfect. I walk up to the crew and begin. “Today is the day that you all have been waiting for. The day where I let all of you peons into my life and allow you to see what my life is like. How the rich and famous live but not just the rich and famous, the true rich and famous. The cool rich and famous. Not the tool rich and famous that Andre Jensen is. Some people have been discussing on social media why I would do this. How it is disrespectful. To those people I have a simple answer…..bite me.”
“Let’s get the disclaimer out of the way now. This is going to hurt a lot of you and it will offend just as many. I don’t apologize for that. This is what the truth looks like and you all need to deal with it. Just like Jensen needs to deal with the acceptance that he will get knocked down this Sunday. Kyle Kemp is better than him and all of you. That is why this little follow around will be simply titled “Better Than You.” So what will the first stop be? Well in my world when I have to get ready for a sick pay per view I have to get fresh so we are headed to get my haircut.” We walk over to a black Range Rover which has been fitted with cameras so I can keep talking and stay on camera as we drive from place to place.
I get in and start the engine and begin to talk aloud as we drive towards my barber. “I’m sure all of you are expecting to go to some five star salon where I get taken care of and some high class broad cuts my hair. You couldn’t be any more wrong. I go someplace that’s awesome. I go to a place where I feel comfortable. I go to a place for jocks. That is why we are driving over to Sportclips right now. That’s right! Kyle Kemp goes to a chain barbershop where sports are on all the time and a girl fresh out of beauty school cuts my hair. Why? There’s 2 reasons to that. 1. It’s easy and they love me over there and 2. The MVP experience. I get that every time because I’m a fucking MVP. Easy as that.”
“Do you all know who isn’t an MVP? It’s an easy answer knowing what I’m doing this week as the answer is Andre Jensen. Now I know that I’m going to have to explain this to you Jensen but MVP stands for Most Valuable Player. That is what I am. Being an MVP can explain my countless accolades including being the current Tag Team Champion and a former People’s Champion. Something you will never sniff. Something that you can only dream of. Hell you aren’t even a bench warmer because they can at least perform in spot duty. You’re nothing more than the sympathy signing. The player on the roster that takes up a spot because he would sign for the minimum deal. I can understand that though Jensen. You want to just be part of something because your fantasy world that you like to live in continues to disappoint. I do want to know though….if you couldn’t cut it there, what made you think wrestling was going to be any better?”
“That is why I was so stunned when you invited me out on your show a few weeks ago. I had heard your name in passing and honestly I took an ambien earlier that day and was a little out of it. I honestly thought I was going to get interviewed by someone worth a damn like Joey Flash or even Howard Black. Sadly I came out and realized that I was going to be interviewed by some stooge playing with his dice. Some say that you got under my skin that night but that couldn’t be any farther from the truth. I hit you in the mouth because I got tired of trying to decipher the ramblings that came out of your mouth. Speak like a god damn normal dude. This isn’t Lord of the Rings!”
At this moment we pull up outside of Sportclips and I hop out of the Range Rover. Another camera crew is already here as I walk around the car. The camera follows me inside as I see my usual hair stylist in Ash. Ash is the manager of this location and she has been here for years. She has been cutting my hair since I was 15 and I used to have a huge crush on her. She is taller with brunette hair, a nose ring and has a pale complexion. She used to be hot in one of those I used to love Fall Out Boy when I was high school ways. Now it’s ten years later and she’s working in the same shop. The drugs and alcohol have made her look haggard but she can still cut my hair like no one else.
She gives me a hug as I walk in and leads me over to the chair where I take my seat. I don’t even have to tell her how to cut my hair as she just begins. While she is cutting I begin to speak aloud. “This is what it is like when you have hook ups. This is what it looks like when you can walk into a place like this and jump past all of these other fools in line and get what you need done. Guys like Andre Jensen are the guys that sit in the waiting room and mutter under the breath about how it’s not fair how people like me cut them in line. It’s pathetic. These people that don’t have the balls to stand up and stop me from doing just that. They sit in those uncomfortable plastic chairs and just stare at me as I get pampered and I laugh in their faces. Their faces get red as they sit their in their bland polos from JC Penny’s and wonder why they aren’t us. I’ll let you all in on a little secret….it’s because I have the balls to do whatever I want whenever I want. I’ve shown that from the day I walked into Junior High. I knew then that I was going to do whatever I wanted.”
“People ask me where the better than you belief I have came from. Well it came from the first day of Junior High where as a 7th grader I walked in and looked around and knew that I was going to have to believe just that in order to not be a nerd like Andre Jensen. That is the difference. I walked in with a smug smile and walked through the damn hallways like I was somebody. That is something that Jensen didn’t do. I know exactly what guy you were Jensen. You were the guy hugging the wall as you tried to blend into the wall so you wouldn’t get picked on. Newsflash though Jensen, we saw you. We saw you and we knew at that moment that we could drive you insane. Every little body check that we hit you with as we walked through the halls. Every small insult that we tossed your way. It was all calculated to let you know what your place is. That same calculation is what I plan on doing to you this Sunday. I will be showing you what your place is one last time.”
At this time Ash finishes my hair which I take a look in the mirror and I smile. It’s perfect. Ash still doesn’t say anything and walks me into the next room for the MVP experience. This is where pampering gets taken to the extreme. She opens up a little hot box and pull out a hot towel. She takes the towel and places it on my face, massaging my face before turning to my hair which she places some Tea Tree shampoo in my hair. She massages the shampoo into my scalp which the tea tree mint causes my head to tingle. I take a deep breath as I take in the relaxation. Once she rinses it out we walk back over to the barbers chair where she gives me a massage with a tool that feels great. I smile as she finishes and styles my hair with pomade.
“You see these are the things that you get when you are a baller like me. Be jealous. The best part is that we are going to a little surprise location that I have for us today! I will meet you all there!”
I toss a hundred dollar bill on the counter and walk out.
Part 5
I walk onto a walkway from the parking lot and stroll down towards Lake Michigan. The sun is hitting the lake perfectly and it is a sight to be seen. However we can still hear that yelling and it continues to get louder and louder. I tilt my head towards the camera and roll my eyes. We walk over a small hill and I stop on top of the hill and stare down. At this moment we see 30 people dressed in different Middle Ages gear as knights and monsters and various other pathetic costumes. I put on a fake shocked look on my face. “Holy shit! I had no idea this was going on today! Look everyone it’s a bunch of losers playing one of those live action role play games that Andre Jensen seems to be in all the time. To bad he isn’t here today! I’d love to see him in his element where pathetic douchebags like him think he’s an idol.”
I laugh as I walk over to a light pole and pick up a megaphone that I stashed there a few minutes go before I met the camera crew in the parking lot. I pick it up and turn back towards the camera. “Well now that we are here I guess we should go and introduce myself. I mean it would be impolite if I didn’t!”
I walk down the hill towards the people and begin to set off the alarm function on the megaphone. A blaring siren continues to go off as the people stop their “fighting” and turn towards me with confused looks on their faces. They all quiet down and just stare at me as I put the megaphone to my lips. “Ladies and Gentlemen! Please forgive me for interrupting your little playtime today and I apologize for the inconvenience. I am here to give you all just a little piece of my mind! First and foremost….you all look fucking ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. What in the hell are all of you thinking? You are all worse than that Civil War reenactment jokers! At least what they do actually happened. This is all just a fantasy!”
I can tell that the people are beginning to get angry and this only fuels my fire. I walk over to one of them and get in his face, still holding the megaphone with the speaker only inches from his face. “Are you listening to me dipshit? Or do I need to learn some fake dialect for you to understand? You’re a loser!”
The man has had enough and shoves the megaphone out of his face and takes a step forward. I push him backwards and as he stumbles back, I follow it up with a quick kick to his knee, dropping him to the ground. The crowd begins to surround me and now I’m slightly nervous. However I have a trump card. I lift the megaphone back up to my face once more. “Now Now everyone! You must take a few steps back. I know you all want to try to kick my ass right now but I have some very important news!” I lift my hand and wave at a bunch of guys that are gathered at the top of the hill and they begin to walk down.
“As you can see there are a few men walking down this hill towards you guys. These men are Chicago Police Officers and you all don’t have a permit to be here in Grant Park. So as mad as you want to get at me, it’s not my fault that you didn’t abide by the law. It’s time for all of you to leave. Fun time is over!”
The crowd stares at me and then back at the police officers who have begun to order them to leave. I begin to run around laughing and playing the siren on the megaphone as the people in the crowd head towards their cars or to the street to find cabs. The camera fades out as I continue to berate everyone.
Part 6
We have remet the camera crew in my apartment where we are now sitting in my living room. I am sipping on a Bulleit Rye on the rocks and enjoying the perks of such a wonderful day. I look into the camera but my slick smile and all the jokes have left my face. All that remains is the steely gaze that many have come to fear. I know when to show up and push aside all of the bullying and just go to work. This last little bit of this video tour is just that. “I know that I’m gonna get a lot of flack for my actions today with getting those bitches kicked out of the park and forcing them to go home to their parents basement and that’s fine. I can accept that as we all know that I will never see any repercussions for what I did. What I did is exactly what any person with my stature and power would have done. These people are playing in the park on a fucking Monday instead of working. Now I know that some will call me a hypocrite because I’m drinking and getting my haircut on Monday but look at what I do every Sunday night. I fucking put asses in the seats and I go out and perform each and every Sunday on Slam or a pay per view like Fifteen. These people are playing around in costumes like they are part of some special play when we all know they aren’t getting paid. They’re all living off some sort of payment from the government or their parents.”
“That’s why I laugh when people say that this is the age of the nerd. I laugh because for every nerd like Bill Gates….there’s 1000 guys like Andre Jensen. It just so happens that Jensen fell into some money but we all know if he had not, he’d be just like these other fools. Eating Kraft Mac & Cheese in his parents basement as he watches old Dragon Ball Z episodes and sewing together another costume to run around in the park. Do you want to know why I decided to bully you Andre? It’s because you deserve it. I at least do quality things with my money. I’m not making imaginary games and paying off supposed NBA All Stars to hang out with me. Instead I’m using my money to build portfolios and using my money and giving back to the economy by spending it. You may not like that answer but it’s real. Something you never will be.”
“For every day that you decide to put on your little robe and pretend you’re a fucking hobbit you just prove my point. Do you want to know why I beat the shit out of you last week and posted that picture all over Instagram? I did it so it would blow up on social media and remind people that they shouldn’t be striving to be you. They should be striving to be me. That’s because I’m fucking Kyle Kemp. I’m a bro’s bro. I work hard and play harder. I am part of the most dominant stable that this industry has ever seen in #BeachKrew. I am one half of the Tag Team Champions and I am the guy that is coming to Fifteen to leave my mark specifically on your face. I do all of that because I’m better than you! I’m so much better than you that I decided to tape this show on Monday and will remain silent the rest of the week because you aren’t worth putting a whole week of effort getting ready for. I’m going to body you at Slam and I won’t think twice. Tell your parents to get the futon ready because you’re going home a broken man. This isn’t the age of the nerd. This is the age of Kyle Kemp!”
I finish the scotch and walk out of the room as the camera fades away but slowly fades in with just a picture of the selfie that Kyle Kemp took after taking out Andre Jensen last week.
