Ninety-Nine Problems (And a Bitch is Finally One)
Jan 29, 2016 22:42:23 GMT -5
Logan, Jonny Fly, and 7 more like this
Post by Steve Orbit on Jan 29, 2016 22:42:23 GMT -5
WCF.com tracked down a number of WCF personalities who have crossed paths with Steve Orbit in anticipation of the Final Destination match at Fifteen. Here is a compilation of their comments.
SETH LERCH
"I remember when Steve Orbit walked through the door, back in 2012. I thought to myself... Jesus, another corny 'pimp' gimmick. But the board of directors was on my ass at the time to find a way to appeal to the black-- er, the 'urban' demographic. I brought on Orbit and Jonathan Jakobs-- Jakobs was a flake, but Orbit hung on and took the company by storm and made a huge name for himself in this company. I'll be the first one to tell you that performers like Steve Orbit don't come along every day, especially in this business. Over the years, he proved to be much more than a 'gimmick' pimp-- we learned so much about him, his background, his life story. It pulled the entire WCF galaxy in and we all went for a ride with him, from rookie to World champion. He's been a dependable workhorse for many years at this point and I'll continue to promote him for as long as he wants to work. He's a huge asset to the company and I'm definitely glad he's back, and excited to see what he does in the inaugural Final Destinaion match-- available on Pay Per View and on the WCF Network."
==
ODIN BALFORE
"I knew Orbit was gifted as soon as he walked through the door. You could tell by the way he carried himself. I saw through the flashy, goofy clothing immediately-- Steve Orbit is a thoroughbred, stud of a wrestler, through and through. I showed him the ropes backstage and we fought together, against each other, everything. I think I've had more matches with Orbit than just about anybody-- except for maybe Jonny Fly, and I can tell you that he is the type of wrestler who is constantly learning. He's like a sponge. Every time I wrestled him over the years, he got exponentially better. He made less mistakes, he hit harder and smarter. He and I have had our issues but it wouldn't surprise me at all to see him become World Champion again in 2016, and the first step could be at Fifteen."
==
HAVANA GINGER
"I was with Steve when his career really took off. It was amazing to see, he was so driven. It was inspiring. He just got so good, so fast-- he was under so much pressure, but it was like it didn't even phase him. He just pushed harder. I still call him when I have a problem and he just always knows the right words to say-- he's a lot more intelligent than people give him credit for. He's always got a plan, and a back-up plan, and a back-up back-up plan. When Steve Orbit wants to do something, he fucking does it. When he puts his mind to something he is unstoppable."
==
BUDDY ROMAN
"*sob*... *sob*... Please... a moment."
The feed cut and then returned.
"Excuse me. I get emotional. Steven Damien Orbit-Roman, my beautiful son. I am not convinced that I can find the words, the proper verbiage to describe the magnificence that is Steven Orbit. Sharp-witted. Cold-blooded. Superhuman speed, stamina. A toughness and resilience that is second to none. My son Steven is one of a kind in the wrestling industry-- truly, one of a kind in LIFE. And although I haven't spoken to Steven in some time, a father's love never dies. I'm certain that he looks back upon our time together fondly, as I do as well. The Vapor Kings, the most dominant faction in WCF history-- not #BeachKrew, not Pantheon. At one time we boasted FIVE TITLE BELTS between THREE WRESTLERS. There is no comparison. The reign of the Vapor Kings will never be duplicated, let alone surpassed-- and Steven Orbit is one of the toughest sons of bitches to ever step foot into a WCF ring."
==
JONNY FLY
"My brother, Steve. What a twisted, rollercoaster ride we have been on together. Key word, together. In the Era of Jonny Fly, Steve Orbit was the co-star. When I was tearing this entire place down, he was the only one left standing. The only thing in WCF that I couldn't conquer-- sure, I beat him, but I never destroyed Steve. He couldn't be dominated the way I absolutely obliterated everybody else who I ever faced. And the reason, it turns out, is because we share the same DNA. It all makes sense, doesn't it? He's an absolute freak of nature inside of a wrestling ring. Hey Steve-- Final Destination, you got this shit. Get your shot and bring another World title home."
==
Fade in to Steve Orbit's home in Oakland Hills, California. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood as Orbit lays sprawled across the swing on his front porch, his head in the juicy, thick lap of a young Latina with wavy hair. Orbit is wearing nothing but a leapord skin banana hammock, enjoying the comfort of this woman's fingernails massaging his scalp. Some old school R&B emits at a low volume from the house.
Orbit's trance-like state of bliss is broken by the sound of heels click-clacking on the granite steps that lead from the lawn to the porch. Orbit opens one eye-- blinded by the sun, he puts his hand across his forehead, and then his vision is clear. A white woman stands before him on the porch-- a woman with a fantastic figure resembling that of a supermodel. She's dressed for business... unfortunately, not Steve Orbit style "business", but she does have a definite sex appeal. She wears a white low-cut blouse with a matching knee-length skirt.
Orbit raises to a sitting position on the bench, his dick and balls sitting between his legs with no apologies. The woman's eyes drift towards the package, a welcoming gift-- but quickly dart back to Orbit's grinning face.
Steve Orbit: I know you from somewhere.
Woman: You should.
Her tone is stern. Assertive. Orbit swallows hard. Even his penis seems to back off.
Steve Orbit: Hold up... you ain't pregnant or nothin', right? I want a DNA test bitch! I don't even remember yo' ass!
Orbit starts to hyperventilate. He picks up his cellphone and hands it to the Latina next to him.
Steve Orbit: Hey girl, get Maury on the phone-- he's speed-dial, number 4. We 'gon straighten this gold diggin' bitch out--
She cocks her head, watching Orbit in his state of panic. Finally, she snaps him out of it.
Woman: No. I work for WCF. I'm Jesse Heenan.
Orbit breathes a sigh of relief, and wipes sweat from his brow. The grin returns.
Steve Orbit: Ohhhhh. Ok. So just to be clear-- you ain't pregnant?
Jesse Heenan: ... No.
Steve Orbit: You tryin' to get pregnant?
Orbit's grin transforms into a slick smile. He raises his eyebrows and nudges his package forward on the bench. Jesse does not look impressed by Orbit's sexual offerings.
Jesse Heenan: Oh God, get over yourself. I knew this would be... unpleasant, but I didn't know it would go downhill this quickly.
Orbit's still smiling as if he didn't hear any of the words.
Steve Orbit: Aight, we can chill out first. I know you white bitches like to talk about your problems and shit before you get your freak on, I'm cool with that. I'm a listener, baby.
Jesse Heenan: You're right about one thing, I AM here to talk. I'm here to interview you for the website. I'm here to talk about Fifteen and the Final Destination match.
Orbit groans, throwing his arms in the air.
Steve Orbit: For real?! Where's Freddy Whoa? He's my interview guy, I don't talk to nobody else. Everybody know that.
Jesse Heenan: Who knows? He's probably interviewing Logan, or Johnny Rabid. You know-- somebody who might win.
GASP. Orbit's arm twitches. His brain is bombarding it with signals. ALERT PIMP SLAP. ALERT PIMP SLAP.
But he calms himself. He resists the urge. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Relaxes himself. When he opens his eyes, he is a new man.
Steve Orbit: My bad, I ain't tryin' to be rude. I'm a classy mother fucker-- put that in your article, I'm all about class.
She looks at his leapord skin speedo and shakes her head.
Steve Orbit: Come on in, Miss Jesse, we can talk inside.
Orbit stands and holds the front door open for her.
Steve Orbit: After you.
She bites her bottom lip, unsure. Finally, she walks inside the house.
Steve Orbit: See, I'm a gentleman, too. Holdin' doors and shit. Put that in your article, too.
He snaps his finger at the Latina girl.
Steve Orbit: You too, bitch. Move your ass.
Orbit and the Latina go inside the house, and the door shuts behind them.
==
A short amount of time later we come back to an "interview setting" in Orbit's living room. There were two leather chairs-- Orbit sat in the one to the left, Jesse Heenan on the right. Orbit had thrown on his favorite silk robe. It had a special place in his heart, because "it looks Asian and shit". Between them was a fireplace, unlit... until Orbit clicked a remote, and it roared to life in a way that only the finest faux fireplace could. Orbit held an unlit joint between his fingers in one hand and a glass of liquor in the other.
Steve Orbit: You sure you don't want nothin' to drink?
Jesse Heenan: I'm fine.
Orbit sipped his drink.
Steve Orbit: Let's get to it, then. I'm ready.
Heenan motioned off-camera to start the official recording. She straightened her blouse, fixed her hair and cleared her throat. Orbit scratched his ballsack.
Jesse Heenan: Hello fans, Jesse "The Figure" Heenan here with former World Champion "The Mack" Steve Orbit, and man who just a few days from now will step into the first-ever Final Destination match against six other WCF superstars. Steve, thanks for having me.
Orbit shoots a wink in her directions. She shivers a little bit.
Jesse Heenan: To start, let's get up to speed on Steve Orbit. What have you been doing in your time away from WCF?
Orbit sips his drink.
Steve Orbit: Well, you know, I been doin' a whole lot of drinkin'. A whole lotta weed smokin', and a whole lotta fuckin'. A lot of sittin' by the pool, you know what I'm sayin', meditating and shit. I been really exploring myself, my inner self. Taking a lot of Molly with five, six girls just hanging around butt naked with my dick out. And we don't even fuck, nah-- we just talk about stuff like what's the meaning of life? Why is the sky blue? You know... deep shit, man. And then we probably have some fuckin' relations after that.
Jesse Heenan: Alright... so you've been "hanging out" so to speak. No big business moves? You're known as a hustler, a pimp, a criminal entrepreneur--
Orbit mocks offense.
Steve Orbit: What? Me? I'm as legit as it gets, baby. I do everything by the book.
Orbit puts the joint between his lips and lights it, taking several hard pulls before exhaling.
Jesse Heenan: Right.
Steve Orbit: Nah, honestly? I'm tryin' to get away from all that. Pimpin' will always be in my blood, it's in my DNA down to every mother fuckin' microscopic molecule and hair follicle, a pimp is a pimp. But I'm over here like-- damn, look at my bank account. Around the end of 2014, right before I stepped away from the wrestling business, I'm lookin' at my bank statements like... the fuck am I goin' to work for? I got enough paper to last three lifetimes. I got my crib, I got cars, food in the fridge, I got everything that a man could ever want in life. So why the FUCK am I still workin'? I was comin' off a God damn three-year run. That shit is unheard of in the wrestling business, especially these days. Mother fuckers work for three months and then take four months off, the whole business has become very safe and very lazy and very, you know, kiddie gloves and let's protect everybody. I wasn't raised like that, the way I came up was, yo, there's mother fuckin' money out there 24/7, seven days a week, and I need to go get it. In this business, if you tryin' to make it, you need to put your fuckin' face on that TV every week. That's how you become recognized and that's how you grow your mother fuckin' brand. Because this shit is about branding just as much as it's about in-ring talent.
Orbit notices that Jesse is taking notes as he speaks.
Jesse Heenan: Do you realize you just contradicted yourself? You criticized people who takes breaks, but you literally just told me that you've spent the last year doing nothing but partying.
Steve Orbit: Aight, first of all-- what you writin' down? Is this therapy? You're buggin' me the fuck out right now. Second, you missed my point entirely, Jesse. The point is that I EARNED so much mother fuckin' money and influence that I could afford to step away from the spotlight. People know who the fuck Steve Orbit is. Matter of fact, why do you think Seth put me in the Final Destination match as soon as I re-signed with the company? Because the match needs star power, the match needs an anchor. The match needs a proven, solid mother fucker and that's Steve Orbit more than anybody else.
Jesse Heenan: Can you really sit here and say that, knowing that two powerhouse, legendary names in Logan and Gravedigger have just been entered into the match?
Orbit scoffs. He pulls off the joint before speaking.
Steve Orbit: You know what the difference is? Relevance. There's no comparison. This is 2016, Jesse, not 2006, you know what I'm sayin'? I got at least one more World title reign left in me. Those mother fuckers are brought in for the novelty at this point, I'm just bein' real. Nothin' against either one of 'em and what they've accomplished, but let's be honest about this shit.
Jesse takes a few more notes before asking the next question.
Jesse Heenan: Back to you now, I find it hard to believe that you haven't kept yourself busy over the last year. You're a business owner-- you have the Hot Fry operation with your brother, Jonny Fly, as well as your "gentleman's club". Club Violet, is that correct?
Steve Orbit: Yeah.
Jesse Heenan: How's business? Are you still involved in the day-to-day operations?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I mean, look-- business is great, there's no business like ho business, you know what I'm sayin'? As for me, I had to take a step back. I don't wanna be over there every day, worryin' about this, that and the third. I own the business, I am the principle owner, but I have begun to transition out of the office over there. Don't get me wrong, I love that Club, I love the girls and the strip club business but I've just reached a point where I don't love running the mother fucker no more. So it's been like... an internal struggle, tryin' to let go of the control because I'm the type of mother fucker who needs to have my hands in the pot and needs to be directing everything that happens under that roof. It's taken some time but I've got a good team over there, some people who I trust, and they workin' it out. Things are good over there, for sure, we makin' money hand over fist. No doubt.
Jesse Heenan: I'm confused. You always portray this macho, pimp-slapping, take-charge kind of alpha male image-- we assume that's the way you really are, but then you are handing over the reigns to your own business over to strangers? How can a man with an ego the size of yours, with the inflated sense of self--
Orbit puts his hand up, cutting her off.
Steve Orbit: ALRIGHT, I see what you doin'. You tryin' to get me wound up over here. You see me, I'm cool as a fool in a mother fuckin' swimmin' pool-- you show up, my dick's hangin' out, I'm gettin' my drink on and my smoke on-- and you tryin' to kill my mother fuckin' high with this line of questioning. You tryin' to get the scoop... I know your type.
Jesse Heenan: You don't know me.
Steve Orbit: Don't I? Sensationalist type of reporter? You tryin' to get the black man with the criminal history, you tryin' to get me angry so I slap that goofy fuckin' smile off your face and you get a clip that goes viral and your career is set, your name is made. Well, I ain't bitin' the line, I ain't buyin' what you sellin', I ain't--
Now Jesse cuts Orbit off.
Jesse Heenan: I believe in digging for the truth. I'm not your "brother" Freddy Whoa--
Steve Orbit: What you mean, "brother"?!
She continues in spite of Orbit's interjection.
Jesse Heenan: I'm not going to be lobbing softballs at you in hopes of fooling around with one of your whores when the interview is finished. Is what I mean.
Orbit smiles.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, Freddy do love them hoes.
Jesse shakes her head in disgust, and her gaze returns to the notes. Orbit taps the half-burned joint out on the table, his eyes noticably more heavy and red.
Jesse Heenan: Now that you've sufficiently attempted to dance around my question, let's hear the answer. How does a man like Steve Orbit-- an egomaniac self-centered pimp-- just hand control of his business over to somebody else?
Orbit nods and sips his drink, considering the answer.
Steve Orbit: 'Cause I love the strip club business. Aight? I LOVE IT... but not as much as I love wrestling, and I ain't got time for both. I'm gettin' a little bit older, I need my free time. I need my time to hang around the house, to sit and think about shit. Smoke a bone and fuckin' reflect on my life and shit. I need that Steve Orbit time and I can't do it when I'm wrestling every Sunday night, training every day of my life-- AND running the hottest, coldest, cleanest, dirtiest mother fuckin' gentleman's club on the West Coast. Nah mean? Besides, Club Violet is established. I don't need to be there. The bitches are the attraction, not me. Mother fuckers don't go there to hang out with me, they go there to get their... I mean, they go there to look at some fine mother fuckin' bitches. To touch 'em, to stick dollars in that coochie. Nah mean? I don't need to be there for that. So I have a small team, some business minded people who have earned my trust-- and they take care of the bullshit for me. They run security, they collect the money, they handle the day to day shit.
Jesse Heenan: Aren't you afraid they'll rob you?
Orbit's nostrils flare.
Steve Orbit: THEM-- ROB ME?! You really are a square, ain't you Jesse. You don't understand the game at all. I put these people on, I gave them the opportunity of a lifetime. They are being paid HANDSOMELY for their mother fuckin' services, you can believe that. You don't bite the hand that feeds you and I am keepin' them fat and happy. That's the last thing I'm worried about, for real. Ain't nobody robbin' Club Violet. Have to be crazy. I'm heavy in the street, girl, mother fuckers know me. They know what time it is.
Orbit finishes his drink, gulping it down. He snaps his fingers off-camera, and the Latina girl walks into the frame with a bottle of Hennessy. She fills Orbit's glass and then walks out of the shot.
Jesse Heenan: I'd keep a close eye on things if I was you. That's all I'm saying. You never know.
Orbit smirks and points his finger at Jesse.
Steve Orbit: YOU never know. I ALWAYS know. It's a pimp's job to know, mother fucker.
Orbit sips his drink, proud. Jesse stays composed, professional.
Jesse Heenan: Let's get back to business-- the wrestling business, that is. Take me back to the moment you resigned. Did you contact Seth, did he reach out to you, get me from point A to point B, you going from "retired-ish" to now competing for a WCF World Title shot.
Orbit taps his fingers on his highball glass.
Steve Orbit: Seth and myself, we never really stopped being in contact. It's funny, 'cause like-- I think he knew I was comin' back even before I knew it. I'd tell him to fuck off, I ain't comin' back to work and he'd be like... yeah, I'll call you next month and see how you feel. Nah mean? It's true what they say, this wrestling shit is like a drug. The spectacle, the performance, the adrenaline-- the COMPETITION, it's hard to let go of that once you've had a taste at the highest levels. I can't change who I am and what I do, and I am Steve Orbit, World Champion, main eventer, WCF legend in the purest form. What I DO is put mother fuckers in they place on the inside of a wrestling ring. What I DO is entertain these fans out here and give them they money's worth. What I DO is strike fear into the heart of every single mother fucker in the locker room, whether they been around for fifteen minutes or fifteen YEARS. Nah mean? This beast can't hibernate not one more God damn minute.
Orbit pauses for dramatic effect.
Steve Orbit: So yeah, Seth kept callin' with offers. I was supposed to do War-- I was gonna do War, but I wasn't ready yet, I wasn't feelin' it. I was supposed to come back a month before One and work the One pay per view, I wasn't feelin' it... but I started to get the itch. That's why I showed up at One and made my lil' run in on BioWalker. Somethin' I been meaning to do for a long time. I know a lot of people thought it was lame, whatever. I was havin' some fun. I spoke to Seth backstage, he told me about his idea for a Final Destination match... I liked the idea, I thought it was a breath of fresh air, you know what I'm sayin'? So we spoke on the phone a few days after that, I flew out to PA, signed a VERY generous new deal-- don't believe everything that you read, especially if it comes from the assistant talent director, whatever the fuck the purpose of that position is-- and here we are, ready to do this God damn thing at Fifteen.
Heenan finished jotting down some notes before asking the next question.
Jesse Heenan: One is the biggest show of the year, bar none-- but Fifteen is special in it's own right, a show that is literally fifteen years in the making. Was that part of your decision to resign, the opportunity to be a part of such a historic event?
Steve Orbit: Sure, I wanted to be a part of it. But the deciding factor for me was that I want to compete. I missed the competition, I missed testing myself against these mother fuckers out here. When you have a competitive nature it's hard to sit at home, even after all of the spoils of success and the fact that I don't have to work another show in my LIFE if I don't want to-- the fact is, I DO want to. There's a certain part of me that will never be content unless I'm competing in a ring, and continuing to prove to myself and to the mother fuckin' world that Steve Orbit is one of the best to ever do it. I've never been the type to rest on my laurels. This year off was nice but I'm ready to get back on the grind and add to my legacy.
Jesse Heenan: Let's talk about your legacy. Your entire career has been defined by your numerous title reigns. In your three active years, you were rarely seen without at least one gold belt around your waist. You've headlined One, you've main evented more Slams and Pay Per Views than maybe anybody else in those three years-- 2012, 2013, 2014. In those three years, you also competed in three War matches. If I remember correctly, you were third runner up twice, and maybe fourth runner up in 2012? Ultimate Showdown, you participated in two-- Runner up in 2014, fourth place in 2012. For somebody of your stature, with a career as universally celebrated as yours-- how does it feel to have never won "the big one"?
The mild, carefree expression on Orbit's face drops. He stutters.
Steve Orbit: The big one? What about two World titles? What about the One main event in 2013? Orbit versus Fly, one of the most anticipated matches EVER? You can't be serious.
Jesse Heenan: I'm not talking about titles. I'm talking about being the last man standing in one of WCF's marquee matches. It's something that you haven't accomplished with numerous attempts.
Orbit clenches his jaw. He breathes a sigh.
Jesse Heenan: I'm hitting a nerve, aren't I? You know exactly what I'm getting at. You think about it, don't you. It's driving you back into the business.
Orbit slams his fist on the small table next to him, causing his liquor to splash out of the glass.
Steve Orbit: Of course I think about it! I mean, sometimes. Sometimes I think about it. But back to the point of this entire mother fucking conversation-- Steve Orbit is HERE. I'm back for the long haul. Mother fuckers want to act like my career has already peaked. I can't stand that shit. Even using words like "legend"... man, I know what "legend" means. "Legends" are guys who were doing their thing five, ten years ago. "Legend" is a code word for "old", "washed up". That ain't me. I'm in my mother fuckin' prime God dammit, and you know what? You wanna talk about marquee matches? I'ma take this opportunity-- Final Destination, I'ma turn this into a must-see event. I'ma go out there and I'ma kill this match so mother fuckin' gracefully and magnificent that every year, mother fuckers will be trying to top Steve Orbit's performance at Fifteen. I guarantee that shit. I'ma make this match MINE, just like everything else I put my hands on and get involved in. People gonna associate Final Destination with Steve Orbit, especially since I WILL WIN the inaugural Final Destination match at Fifteen. People only remember the winner, right? Well I ain't just tryin' to win, I'm tryin' to make history. War, Ultimate Showdown, and now Final Destination will become something that fans look forward to every year, I'ma do everything I can to make sure this match lives up to the hype. That's my goal. You wanna know why I'm back? That's my purpose, Jesse.
Orbit snaps his finger off camera once again. The Latina came with a towel to wipe up the liquor that had spilled on the table. She topped off his glass before leaving the scene once again.
Jesse Heenan: Don't you think that's everybody's purpose? There's a World Title shot up for grabs-- literally-- and an all-star line-up of participants. What is your plan to navigate through this match? How do you plan to upstage some of WCF's most decorated veterans, and most promising future stars?
Steve Orbit: I don't have a plan. I just go in and do what I do.
Heenan giggles a bit at the comment.
Jesse Heenan: You can't be serious. No strategy? For a huge match like this? No wonder you've never won the big one.
Steve Orbit: The World title is the big one! Stop it! Just 'cause I never won some gimmick match-- YOU try entering the War match this year. You want in? I'll fuckin' call Seth and get you in there. Bitch, get Seth Lerch on the phone. Speed dial 2.
Orbit snaps his fingers off camera once again, but Jesse interrupts.
Jesse Heenan: I'll take your word for it. But this is obviously a touchy subject for you. I just have to ask... why not prepare yourself?
Orbit sighs, rubbing the back of his head.
Steve Orbit: See, that's where you wrong. I'm always ready, my body stays ready. Ready to react, ready to go along with the mother fuckin' flow and roll with the punches. How can you predict a match like this? Seven mother fuckers, the thing is gonna be a mother fuckin' car crash with bodies flyin' everywhere. Any plan you have going into this match is going to become irrelevant within the first five minutes, that's the unpredictable nature of a match like this. This is gonna be unlike anything we have ever seen in WCF, 'cause there ain't no pinfall. No submission. All it is, is tryin' to get that briefcase by any means necessary. If that means I gotta knock six mother fuckers out cold, then that's what the fuck I'ma do-- this shit is about setting the bar for future Final Destination matches. This is about creating a classic that will be looked back upon-- just like mother fuckers are nostalgic for the first fifteen years of WCF, I'ma make sure that fifteen years from NOW, people 'gon be lookin' back at this first-ever Final Destination match like... damn, that was a hell of a match, and Steve Orbit sure did handle his mother fuckin' business in that one. People 'gon look back at this as the time when Steve Orbit came back and reclaimed his spot in WCF and led the company out of the #BeachKrew era of bullshit and into the next phase, into the mother fuckin' revolution.
Jesse Heenan: Speaking of #BeachKrew... have you had any interaction with the members of the dominant stable since returning?
Steve Orbit: Nah, I ain't crossed paths with none of 'em. I don't fuck with mother fuckers like that.
Jesse Heenan: ... Like what?
Steve Orbit: You know. A bunch of gay frat boys tappin each other on the ass, I don't fuck with that shit. That shit is mad suspect, girl. Those mother fuckers are mad suspect. Questionable sexuality, all of 'em. I don't care how many bitches they be partyin' with on TV, I'm concerned about what happens when the cameras come off. Something ain't right with those boys, straight up.
Jesse Heenan: So your theory is that the #BeachKrew are homosexual.
Steve Orbit: Yeah. I think they a little too suspect, B. Weird vibes. I mean, Jim Thuggin is clearly a child molester, look at the mother fucker. "Earth children" and all that shit, that sounds like some code word, safe word shit. I dunno, weird vibes, nah mean. Anyway, the only immediate concern I have with #BeachKrew is with Johnny Rabid since he's about to step into the ring with me on Sunday.
Jesse Heenan: A lot of fans... and even people backstage, are calling Rabid a front-runner and a potential winner of this match.
Steve Orbit: Yup.
Jesse Heenan: Do you agree that he's a front-runner?
Steve Orbit: There's only one front-runner and that's me the Mack. Everybody else is in distant second, third, so on. Johnny Rabid... I mean, these #Beachkrew really got people fooled. I know they the "in" thing right now, they what's hot. The kids love 'em-- I see 'em at the shows, they all got the Hawaiian shirts on and they poppin' pills and whatever else. They're like some new age psychedelic shit, it's fun for the kids. But that don't make this mother fucker a threat in a match like this. Let's break it down scientifically, this is some English mother fucker who probably stinks like a mother fucker, smellin' like rotten cabbage and shit, his breath probably stinks, and he thinks he's some kinda big shot because he ran his own wrestling company. Not in AMERICA, mind you. In that fuckin' potato farm island of England.
Jesse Heenan: Aren't you thinking of Ireland--
Steve Orbit: So he thinks he can just come over here, and what-- cook up some fish and chips, throw a couple shrimp on the barbie and beat Steve Orbit in a match for a shot at the World title? I don't fuckin' think so. And what's with all these tough guys goin' home to mama. You notice that? Every tough guy in WCF, they go home and start playin' with dolls with their kids and kiss they wife on the mouth. They fuckin' domesticated, B. You know what I go home to? I got a bitch rollin' a joint and another one fixin' me a drink. Two more upstairs runnin' me a bath. These mother fuckers are all talk, all fuckin' sizzle and no steak.
Jesse Heenan: ... A lot of men have families, you know. Doesn't mean they aren't dangerous. I could give you numerous examples--
Steve Orbit: Please don't. Save it, I don't give a fuck. Johnny Rabid is a square. Oh, Tag Team champion. Call me when you do it twice. Ain't done jack shit on the solo tip, the boy is untested. He's unpolished. He's unAmerican God dammit, and I'ma put his cockney ass to sleep, for real. The guy has the personality of a tube sock. He's a lackey for group that's losing power and relevance by the DAY, and I'm supposed to be worried about this boring son of a bitch? Nah. Nah, baby.
Orbit shakes his head "no". Jesse flips through her notepad.
Jesse Heenan: Let's keep rolling with this. I'd like to get your thoughts on the rest of the participants, on record. Ok?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, whatever. Sure.
Orbit takes the half-joint off the table and re-lights it, puffing it back to life.
Jesse Heenan: Another name that's come up as a potential winner is Spencer Adams. A lot of people believed he was a dark horse candidate for Wrestler of the Year 2015. You've obviously had some interaction with him-- a failed tag team effort against Howard Black and Occulo, and... well, another failed attempt at a tag match last week.
Steve Orbit: His fault, both times.
Orbit exhaled smoke from his nostrils.
Jesse Heenan: And I'm sure he would say the same about you. What did you learn from working closely with Spencer over the past few weeks? What do you think his chances are in this match?
Steve Orbit: Well, his chances are just like everybody elses. Zero percent, because I told you I'm walkin' out with that fuckin' briefcase no matter what. But let's see, what did I learn about Spencer Adams. I like him, overall. He's a good kid. His heart is in the right place and I think he really loves to perform. He's the type of guy who, you know... five years from now, he could really be somethin' in this business. Maybe win himself a Television title, maybe even the United States belt-- in a couple years. But the World title... I just don't know, Jesse. I don't see Spencer Adams as a World Title caliber mother fucker. Do you?
Jesse Heenan: The fans certainly do.
Steve Orbit: I didn't ask about the fans, I asked you.
Jesse Heenan: ... Yes. I could see him winning this match and eventually winning the World Title. Everybody loves an underdog story.
Orbit laughs. Heartily.
Steve Orbit: This is not a fuckin' story book, girl. We ain't writing stories in WCF.
/HIP HOP AIR RAID SIREN FUNK FLEX DROP A BOMB ON IT
Steve Orbit: This is reality, and in reality this shit is all about survival of the fit. The strong eating the weak. ESPECIALLY in a match like this. No friends, no enemies, just mother fuckin' obstacles to victory. Spencer Adams is a good dude and a good athlete, but does he have that killer instinct? Is he gonna be able to DISABLE six mother fuckers to the point where they cannot stop him from taking that briefcase and making history? I don't see it in him. The boy can't even win a tag match with STEVE ORBIT in his corner. That's sayin' a lot right there.
Jesse Heenan: So you take no responsiblity for the loss? Aren't tag matches supposed to be 50/50? You win as a team or lose as a team?
Steve Orbit: I never asked to team with Spencer Adams. So nah, there ain't that type of camraderie between us, and look-- I wasn't in the match but 60 seconds. How can I win the match if this mother fucker is hogging' the fuckin' spotlight? That's what it was, too. He got cocky. He said, fuck that, I'm gonna try to win this one on my own so I don't get outshined by Steve Orbit. How'd that work out for you, Spencer? You got fuckin' flattened. You tried to do it two weeks in a row, fuck that, I had to check him. I had to check him, Jesse. I ain't takin' two L's on account of this mother fucker. No way, not me.
Jesse Heenan: I see. So the odds of seeing Steve Orbit and Spencer Adams forming a tag team somewhere down the road... is not very high.
Orbit scoffs.
Steve Orbit: The odds of me Pimp Slapping the fuckin' paint off his face is pretty fuckin' high, I can tell you that. Look, like I said, he's a good kid. On some personal shit, I ain't got no issues with him. But in this ring, I'ma drop a nuke on his fuckin' ass. Game over.
Jesse Heenan: Moving along, Bonnie Blue is also in this match. Are you familiar with her?
Steve Orbit: Well... I mean, I ain't "familiar" with her, if you know what I'm sayin'. But I'd like to get to know her, you know, maybe over some wine. Fancy restaurant, that type of shit. You could come too, if you want. Plenty of dick to go around.
Heenan shoots Orbit a death glance.
Steve Orbit: I'm just playin'. Look, Bonnie Blue, she's a sexy bitch. A man can't help his natural instincts. I understand she's some cousin of Johnny Reb--
Jesse Heenan: Clone.
Steve Orbit: Yeah-- cousin, sister, clone, probably his girlfriend too. I love Reb but you know how them Southern boys get down.
Jesse Heenan: I think her story has gone way over your head.
Steve Orbit: Look, it don't matter. Clone, drone-- whatever, she ain't got no business in this match.
Jesse Heenan: She won a contendership match to enter Final Destination. IN FACT, she's the ONLY participant to have won a contendership match to enter. Some would say she has more business in this match than anybody else, including yourself.
Steve Orbit: Yeah? And some would say that name value is worth more than a lame fuckin' contender's match. 'Cause that's what I have, a brand. Name value. You know what a brand is? You know what it means when you have a brand? It means when people hear Steve Orbit is in the match, they know what to expect. They know I'ma do everything I can do to outperform and outwrestle everybody else in this mother fucker, and I'ma do it in the most entertaining way possible. That's why Seth can put me in this match without testing me first. I already been tested, three years of bustin' my mother fuckin' ass for this company. Building my brand. So I'd have to say you're way off base with that one.
Jesse Heenan: Either way, Bonnie Blue has been a force to be reckoned with in WCF. She's winning left and right, she's showing up every week with something to prove-- for her, Final Destination could be the opportunity she has been waiting for. An opportunity to take the next step forward into the main event scene, the World title scene.
Steve Orbit: Of course it is. We already discussed what's on the line here, Jesse. All you're saying is that she's the furthest one away from actually getting to the main event on her own, right? You sayin' that she would BENEFIT the most... she has the MOST to gain, because she damn sure ain't gettin' there on her own. Ain't that right?
Jesse Heenan: That's not what I meant. I'm talking about her potential as a wrestler--
Steve Orbit: POTENTIAL. There it is. You know what, I could potentially be a fuckin' astronaut if I went over to NASA and dropped a couple million. They'd take me to space. I could join the million mile high club if I wanted to, POTENTIALLY, don't mean it's gon' happen. Nah mean?
Jesse Heenan: ... No. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Orbit counts on his fingers.
Steve Orbit: Shit made sense to me. Bonnie Blue ain't shit! I'ma knock her sweet ass out and I ain't even gon' feel bad about it.
Jesse Heenan: That I believe.
Steve Orbit: God's truth baby.
Heenan rolls her eyes, lifting her eyebrows. She looks at her notepad.
Jesse Heenan: And then there was Logan. Logan and Gravedigger were announced to be the final two participants, this past week on Slam.
Orbit nodded his head, as if he knew this moment was coming. He rubbed the back of his head, and then winced, massaging his temples.
Steve Orbit: ... Logan, I mean, where do I start. Where do you start with Logan?
Jesse Heenan: Why don't you start with your direct interactions with Logan.
Steve Orbit: My direct interactions with Logan. I mean, where I do start with my direct interactions with Logan...
Orbit drifts off as a range of emotions continuously shift on his face. Finally, he shivers, as if being brought back into the moment.
Steve Orbit: I'ma have a lot to say about Logan soon enough so I don't want to, you know, take up too much of the interview. I'll just say this. I've underestimated Logan in the past. There was a time... I was about to go into Ultimate Showdown, 2014, as World Champion. Seth came stumbling out on Slam one week and told me I had to defend against Logan the week before Showdown-- you know, come to think, it's kinda similar to the way he came stumbling out and told me somebody would be "gunning for me" at Final Destination.
Jesse Heenan: I see the parallels.
Steve Orbit: Right. So, I mean, I was lookin' past Logan at that time-- I mean... considering our past, and considering I had whooped his ass seventeen times before that, I just brushed it off. Whatever, nah mean? But the Logan that showed up... I mean, before that, I never understood how Logan had achieved so much success and mother fuckin' respect around here. That night, when he damn near beat me for my World title-- I understood. I found out the mother fuckin' hard way that when Logan brings it, there ain't a damn thing you can do but hope he slips up and you can take advantage of it somehow, which is exactly what happened in that match. I was able to count out, keep my belt and go to Ultimate Showdown. But I went there with a new respect for Logan and what he's capable of inside the ring. I mean, before that, all he was to me was a psycho tranny who tried to blow me a bunch of times.
Jesse Heenan: I'm glad you brought that up, because--
Orbit puts his hand up.
Steve Orbit: No. I'm not going there. This is a serious fuckin' match, and I'm goin' into this thang expecting to find the Logan that wouldn't give up, that wouldn't quit in that World Title match. Not the one with a dildo hangin' out of his ass. Nah mean.
Jesse Heenan: Fair enough. Are you saying that you consider Logan a threat?
Orbit cocks his head to the side, considering the question.
Steve Orbit: I'm saying that I'ma make a conscious effort to be aware of Logan. I'm sayin' that I am not underestimating Logan. This mother fucker has won three Wars. He knows how to get the mother fuckin' job done... but I don't think he's ready for this. Even if he IS in his right mind, and he's putting it all on the table, he's not ready to throw down at the level that's gonna be necessary to incapacitate six mother fuckers and take that briefcase. And if he's in the match just to fuck with me-- if that's what Seth was talkin' about, then whatever. I'll do what I gotta do to take him out and then I'll keep it movin'. 'Cause let's be honest... it's Fifteen, let's bring out all the old stars and parade them around. Let's stick 'em in the Final Destination match so they can get bumped around and then go the fuck home. That's what this is really all about. Logan is the one who's "gunning for me"? Come on, Seth. You know me better than that. I've choked this nigga out once, I've outmaneuvered him, outlasted him, outCLASSed him on several occasions. Logan is always a threat, but I am a FORCE. You know the difference? A threat is maybe. But a force is guaranteed, and I guarantee that not Logan, not nobody will stop me from taking that mother fuckin' briefcase.
Jesse Heenan: ... But you're not underestimating him?
Steve Orbit: Nah. I got my eye on him. Don't mean I'm afraid of his ass.
Jesse Heenan: Sure, right. And Gravedigger?
Orbit grins.
Steve Orbit: Come on. Gravedigger?! Serious? He's in it for the novelty. He wants to be a part of Fifteen, and why wouldn't he? Dude's been here through it all. He's like Logan but less dangerous.
Jesse Heenan: What about XIII? Just a few short months ago, Digger beat Jayson Price, who is now challenging for the World Title!
Steve Orbit: Sheeit... a lot of people got lucky at XIII, you know what I'm sayin', and Digger was one of 'em. We don't even bring that shit up. We don't talk about it. So let's leave that alone.
Jesse Heenan: Fair enough. So you are not anticipating Gravedigger to put on a show-stealing performance at Fifteen?
Orbit chuckles.
Steve Orbit: That's one way to put it, yeah. Another way would be to say that he's in the match as a jackoff thing, he just wants to get it out his system. He just wants to be a part of Fifteen-- it must be difficult for this mother fucker to sit behind the desk and watch everybody get down every single week, and this week he's finally saying... enough, I want in. I want in that action, and that's cool... but come on, man, nobody really thinks Gravedigger is gonna be World Champion in 2016. Logan, ok-- he's unpredictable, you never know what to expect with him. Digger's career has been slowing down for years, and this is just not the type of match he should be doing at this point. He should be doing one-on-one, attraction matches against other legends. Against guys who are gonna work like he works.
Jesse Heenan: How does he work?
Steve Orbit: Slow... and safe. Basically the opposite of Steve Orbit. I'ma literally run circles around this nigga.
Orbit beams with stoned confidence, nodding his head as Jesse flips the page of her notepad.
Jesse Heenan: Lastly we have Benjamin Atreyu.
Steve Orbit: Yup.
Jesse Heenan: Your thoughts?
Steve Orbit: Ehh... we've had some, you know, altercations in the past. He's been in and out of this company for years, never really put together a solid run. He's one of those mother fuckers who's aight in the ring but he's missing something, I dunno if it's determination, or personality, or if it's some... you know, unseen factor, what's the word. Insta... integra...
Jesse Heenan: Intangible?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, some intelligable factor, I dunno. Early on in my career he whooped me up a few times, I ain't afraid to say it. You know why? Because he bounced, he was ghost, but I stayed. I stayed and got fuckin' better, and better, until I became THE BEST. So I welcome this opportunity to step into the ring with Atreyu once again, years later, to see who the fuck is gonna be standin' tall this time. He mighta beat me a long time ago but what else does he have to his name? He's one of those fuckin' guys who could never make it so they take a backstage role, and everybody says "oh, he coulda been so great". Yeah, he coulda, but that was then. His window of opportunity has passed. He's not gonna come back now, after all this time, and all the bullshit-- his fancy suit and tie job, he ain't gonna come back now and win his first World title. When has that EVER happened in this business? You know what Atreyu is, he's a good hand. He's what they call a "solid worker". That's another way of saying, you know, sure he can wrestle, but he'll never be a fuckin' STAR, and he'll never be World Champion.
Jesse Heenan: What about you? You're just coming back from a year break--
Steve Orbit: You are not listening to me. My name is already made, I'm already a star. When I come back to the company it's a fuckin' event. When Atreyu came back... for the fifth time, I mean, did anybody even know he was gone? Can anybody tell me what he did during his last run, 'cause I sure as fuckin' hell can't remember, and not because I don't care-- I don't-- but I would still remember if he did anything worth remembering. He comes in, fucks around, maybe wins some matches, and then he's gone again. This is the Atreyu cycle. We're in the middle of one right now. Seth is smart to use him while he's here-- like I said, he's a "good worker". He'll put on a decent performance, sure. But he ain't gettin' nowhere near that fuckin' briefcase.
Heenan motions to the camera man.
Jesse Heenan: Let's get ready to wrap this up. What are you final comments heading into Final Destination?
Orbit thinks for a moment, closing his eyes, before answering.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I got some shit I want to get off my chest. I know by the end of this week, I'ma be so fuckin' tired of empty pimp jokes, so tired of people tellin' me my time has already come and gone-- come at me with some original shit, mother fuckers. Y'all know I don't just wear the pimp hat for no reason, I live this shit. I let the entire world in on my life outside the ring for three years, and if y'all can't take anything from that, you ain't payin' attention. And if you ain't payin' attention, I got a mother fuckin' back hand that's gonna sneak right the fuck up on you. Now for the "past my prime" crowd-- I'm lookin' at Rabid, I'm lookin' at Spencer, and maybe Bonnie too. I only been in the fuckin' business for five years, WCF for the last four. So how the FUCK am I not relevant, how the FUCK am I somehow incapable of performing at the highest level just because I had a year off. Listen, when I left, I was probably the best mother fucker on the roster. I was proving it every week. What I'm tryin' to say to y'all is-- I'm about to prove it again. All the doubters, all the haters-- which are probably one in the same, but what I'm sayin' to all y'all is this. Steve Orbit is back. Not half-ass Steve Orbit, not unfocused Steve Orbit, but 100% Steve Orbit. Determined to reclaim the top spot Steve Orbit. Ready to do whatever it takes to get back to the mother fuckin' World Championship Steve Orbit. So before you open your stupid fuckin' mouth and say some shit that you gonna end up lookin' stupid for sayin', think about it first-- I'm the biggest threat in this match. I'm the one who you all need to be worryin' about. I'm coming to Fifteen, coming to the Final Destination match to WIN. And that's what I'ma do. Word up.
Orbit nods at the camera, as Jesse calls for the camera to cut.
==
LATER THAT DAY
Steve Orbit's old school Cadillac, baby blue, chromed out, rolling down a side street in Oakland. He pulls up on the curb in a familiar area-- in front of Club Violet. The Club is freshly painted, purple in color, standing out like a beacon of sin and debauchery. Orbit eyes the new paint job and nods with approval. He approaches the front door and goes to open it--
Locked.
Orbit puts his hands on his hips, thinking. He takes his keys out of his pants pocket and fumbles through them, finding the proper key. He puts it in the lock.
Won't turn.
Orbit paces for a few moments, unable to process what is currently happening. How could he be locked out of his own Club? Surely they just changed the locks-- it's a bad neighborhood after all, and it's been years since the locks have been changed. He took out his cellphone and began to dial a number. He puts the phone to his ear.
Steve Orbit: ... Kami, it's Steve. I guess you changed the locks. Woulda been nice to tell me. Let me know when you gonna be here so I can get a new key from you, aight? Call me as soon as you get this.
Orbit sighs, putting the phone back in his pocket. He turns to walk back to his car... when two large men approach him. They're wearing Club Violet staff t-shirts.
Steve Orbit: Oh, good timing y'all. These mother fuckers changed the lock without tellin' me, let a brother in.
One of the bouncers steps towards Orbit.
Bouncer: You ain't welcome here.
Steve Orbit: What?! Do you know who the fuck I am?! I own this joint, you work for ME! Now let me the fuck in!
Bouncer: Nah, that ain't what we been told. Kamelia told us you're out. New ownership, and you not supposed to be seen here. Matter of fact, they took out a restraining order this morning. Probably on their way to your crib to serve you right now.
Orbit just stands there, speechless, with so many thoughts and emotions flowing through his mind and body.
The bouncer shoved Orbit.
Bouncer: Just get the fuck outta here before we gotta call the police, man.
Orbit's jaw is wide open in disbelief. He can't even bring himself to anger. He just turns around and walks back to his car. He opens the door, sitting in the driver's seat. Still. Silent.
Steve Orbit ...
Orbit begins punching the steering wheel. Losing his shit.
Steve Orbit: FUCK! FUCK! SHIT! FUCK! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Bums across the street watch as Orbit goes completely beserk in his old school Caddy. Just then... a black SUV pulled up behind Orbit's car.
The doors open.
Out from the passenger seat...
steps Steve Orbit and Jonny Fly's mother, Meredith. She's wearing a suit. She walks towards the Club, keys in hand.
Steve Orbit: No... fuckin'... way.
Before she opens the door, she turns around to look at Orbit. They two make eye contact.
She smiles... and then walks inside, followed by an entourage.
Fade out.
SETH LERCH
"I remember when Steve Orbit walked through the door, back in 2012. I thought to myself... Jesus, another corny 'pimp' gimmick. But the board of directors was on my ass at the time to find a way to appeal to the black-- er, the 'urban' demographic. I brought on Orbit and Jonathan Jakobs-- Jakobs was a flake, but Orbit hung on and took the company by storm and made a huge name for himself in this company. I'll be the first one to tell you that performers like Steve Orbit don't come along every day, especially in this business. Over the years, he proved to be much more than a 'gimmick' pimp-- we learned so much about him, his background, his life story. It pulled the entire WCF galaxy in and we all went for a ride with him, from rookie to World champion. He's been a dependable workhorse for many years at this point and I'll continue to promote him for as long as he wants to work. He's a huge asset to the company and I'm definitely glad he's back, and excited to see what he does in the inaugural Final Destinaion match-- available on Pay Per View and on the WCF Network."
==
ODIN BALFORE
"I knew Orbit was gifted as soon as he walked through the door. You could tell by the way he carried himself. I saw through the flashy, goofy clothing immediately-- Steve Orbit is a thoroughbred, stud of a wrestler, through and through. I showed him the ropes backstage and we fought together, against each other, everything. I think I've had more matches with Orbit than just about anybody-- except for maybe Jonny Fly, and I can tell you that he is the type of wrestler who is constantly learning. He's like a sponge. Every time I wrestled him over the years, he got exponentially better. He made less mistakes, he hit harder and smarter. He and I have had our issues but it wouldn't surprise me at all to see him become World Champion again in 2016, and the first step could be at Fifteen."
==
HAVANA GINGER
"I was with Steve when his career really took off. It was amazing to see, he was so driven. It was inspiring. He just got so good, so fast-- he was under so much pressure, but it was like it didn't even phase him. He just pushed harder. I still call him when I have a problem and he just always knows the right words to say-- he's a lot more intelligent than people give him credit for. He's always got a plan, and a back-up plan, and a back-up back-up plan. When Steve Orbit wants to do something, he fucking does it. When he puts his mind to something he is unstoppable."
==
BUDDY ROMAN
"*sob*... *sob*... Please... a moment."
The feed cut and then returned.
"Excuse me. I get emotional. Steven Damien Orbit-Roman, my beautiful son. I am not convinced that I can find the words, the proper verbiage to describe the magnificence that is Steven Orbit. Sharp-witted. Cold-blooded. Superhuman speed, stamina. A toughness and resilience that is second to none. My son Steven is one of a kind in the wrestling industry-- truly, one of a kind in LIFE. And although I haven't spoken to Steven in some time, a father's love never dies. I'm certain that he looks back upon our time together fondly, as I do as well. The Vapor Kings, the most dominant faction in WCF history-- not #BeachKrew, not Pantheon. At one time we boasted FIVE TITLE BELTS between THREE WRESTLERS. There is no comparison. The reign of the Vapor Kings will never be duplicated, let alone surpassed-- and Steven Orbit is one of the toughest sons of bitches to ever step foot into a WCF ring."
==
JONNY FLY
"My brother, Steve. What a twisted, rollercoaster ride we have been on together. Key word, together. In the Era of Jonny Fly, Steve Orbit was the co-star. When I was tearing this entire place down, he was the only one left standing. The only thing in WCF that I couldn't conquer-- sure, I beat him, but I never destroyed Steve. He couldn't be dominated the way I absolutely obliterated everybody else who I ever faced. And the reason, it turns out, is because we share the same DNA. It all makes sense, doesn't it? He's an absolute freak of nature inside of a wrestling ring. Hey Steve-- Final Destination, you got this shit. Get your shot and bring another World title home."
==
Fade in to Steve Orbit's home in Oakland Hills, California. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood as Orbit lays sprawled across the swing on his front porch, his head in the juicy, thick lap of a young Latina with wavy hair. Orbit is wearing nothing but a leapord skin banana hammock, enjoying the comfort of this woman's fingernails massaging his scalp. Some old school R&B emits at a low volume from the house.
Orbit's trance-like state of bliss is broken by the sound of heels click-clacking on the granite steps that lead from the lawn to the porch. Orbit opens one eye-- blinded by the sun, he puts his hand across his forehead, and then his vision is clear. A white woman stands before him on the porch-- a woman with a fantastic figure resembling that of a supermodel. She's dressed for business... unfortunately, not Steve Orbit style "business", but she does have a definite sex appeal. She wears a white low-cut blouse with a matching knee-length skirt.
Orbit raises to a sitting position on the bench, his dick and balls sitting between his legs with no apologies. The woman's eyes drift towards the package, a welcoming gift-- but quickly dart back to Orbit's grinning face.
Steve Orbit: I know you from somewhere.
Woman: You should.
Her tone is stern. Assertive. Orbit swallows hard. Even his penis seems to back off.
Steve Orbit: Hold up... you ain't pregnant or nothin', right? I want a DNA test bitch! I don't even remember yo' ass!
Orbit starts to hyperventilate. He picks up his cellphone and hands it to the Latina next to him.
Steve Orbit: Hey girl, get Maury on the phone-- he's speed-dial, number 4. We 'gon straighten this gold diggin' bitch out--
She cocks her head, watching Orbit in his state of panic. Finally, she snaps him out of it.
Woman: No. I work for WCF. I'm Jesse Heenan.
Orbit breathes a sigh of relief, and wipes sweat from his brow. The grin returns.
Steve Orbit: Ohhhhh. Ok. So just to be clear-- you ain't pregnant?
Jesse Heenan: ... No.
Steve Orbit: You tryin' to get pregnant?
Orbit's grin transforms into a slick smile. He raises his eyebrows and nudges his package forward on the bench. Jesse does not look impressed by Orbit's sexual offerings.
Jesse Heenan: Oh God, get over yourself. I knew this would be... unpleasant, but I didn't know it would go downhill this quickly.
Orbit's still smiling as if he didn't hear any of the words.
Steve Orbit: Aight, we can chill out first. I know you white bitches like to talk about your problems and shit before you get your freak on, I'm cool with that. I'm a listener, baby.
Jesse Heenan: You're right about one thing, I AM here to talk. I'm here to interview you for the website. I'm here to talk about Fifteen and the Final Destination match.
Orbit groans, throwing his arms in the air.
Steve Orbit: For real?! Where's Freddy Whoa? He's my interview guy, I don't talk to nobody else. Everybody know that.
Jesse Heenan: Who knows? He's probably interviewing Logan, or Johnny Rabid. You know-- somebody who might win.
GASP. Orbit's arm twitches. His brain is bombarding it with signals. ALERT PIMP SLAP. ALERT PIMP SLAP.
But he calms himself. He resists the urge. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Relaxes himself. When he opens his eyes, he is a new man.
Steve Orbit: My bad, I ain't tryin' to be rude. I'm a classy mother fucker-- put that in your article, I'm all about class.
She looks at his leapord skin speedo and shakes her head.
Steve Orbit: Come on in, Miss Jesse, we can talk inside.
Orbit stands and holds the front door open for her.
Steve Orbit: After you.
She bites her bottom lip, unsure. Finally, she walks inside the house.
Steve Orbit: See, I'm a gentleman, too. Holdin' doors and shit. Put that in your article, too.
He snaps his finger at the Latina girl.
Steve Orbit: You too, bitch. Move your ass.
Orbit and the Latina go inside the house, and the door shuts behind them.
==
A short amount of time later we come back to an "interview setting" in Orbit's living room. There were two leather chairs-- Orbit sat in the one to the left, Jesse Heenan on the right. Orbit had thrown on his favorite silk robe. It had a special place in his heart, because "it looks Asian and shit". Between them was a fireplace, unlit... until Orbit clicked a remote, and it roared to life in a way that only the finest faux fireplace could. Orbit held an unlit joint between his fingers in one hand and a glass of liquor in the other.
Steve Orbit: You sure you don't want nothin' to drink?
Jesse Heenan: I'm fine.
Orbit sipped his drink.
Steve Orbit: Let's get to it, then. I'm ready.
Heenan motioned off-camera to start the official recording. She straightened her blouse, fixed her hair and cleared her throat. Orbit scratched his ballsack.
Jesse Heenan: Hello fans, Jesse "The Figure" Heenan here with former World Champion "The Mack" Steve Orbit, and man who just a few days from now will step into the first-ever Final Destination match against six other WCF superstars. Steve, thanks for having me.
Orbit shoots a wink in her directions. She shivers a little bit.
Jesse Heenan: To start, let's get up to speed on Steve Orbit. What have you been doing in your time away from WCF?
Orbit sips his drink.
Steve Orbit: Well, you know, I been doin' a whole lot of drinkin'. A whole lotta weed smokin', and a whole lotta fuckin'. A lot of sittin' by the pool, you know what I'm sayin', meditating and shit. I been really exploring myself, my inner self. Taking a lot of Molly with five, six girls just hanging around butt naked with my dick out. And we don't even fuck, nah-- we just talk about stuff like what's the meaning of life? Why is the sky blue? You know... deep shit, man. And then we probably have some fuckin' relations after that.
Jesse Heenan: Alright... so you've been "hanging out" so to speak. No big business moves? You're known as a hustler, a pimp, a criminal entrepreneur--
Orbit mocks offense.
Steve Orbit: What? Me? I'm as legit as it gets, baby. I do everything by the book.
Orbit puts the joint between his lips and lights it, taking several hard pulls before exhaling.
Jesse Heenan: Right.
Steve Orbit: Nah, honestly? I'm tryin' to get away from all that. Pimpin' will always be in my blood, it's in my DNA down to every mother fuckin' microscopic molecule and hair follicle, a pimp is a pimp. But I'm over here like-- damn, look at my bank account. Around the end of 2014, right before I stepped away from the wrestling business, I'm lookin' at my bank statements like... the fuck am I goin' to work for? I got enough paper to last three lifetimes. I got my crib, I got cars, food in the fridge, I got everything that a man could ever want in life. So why the FUCK am I still workin'? I was comin' off a God damn three-year run. That shit is unheard of in the wrestling business, especially these days. Mother fuckers work for three months and then take four months off, the whole business has become very safe and very lazy and very, you know, kiddie gloves and let's protect everybody. I wasn't raised like that, the way I came up was, yo, there's mother fuckin' money out there 24/7, seven days a week, and I need to go get it. In this business, if you tryin' to make it, you need to put your fuckin' face on that TV every week. That's how you become recognized and that's how you grow your mother fuckin' brand. Because this shit is about branding just as much as it's about in-ring talent.
Orbit notices that Jesse is taking notes as he speaks.
Jesse Heenan: Do you realize you just contradicted yourself? You criticized people who takes breaks, but you literally just told me that you've spent the last year doing nothing but partying.
Steve Orbit: Aight, first of all-- what you writin' down? Is this therapy? You're buggin' me the fuck out right now. Second, you missed my point entirely, Jesse. The point is that I EARNED so much mother fuckin' money and influence that I could afford to step away from the spotlight. People know who the fuck Steve Orbit is. Matter of fact, why do you think Seth put me in the Final Destination match as soon as I re-signed with the company? Because the match needs star power, the match needs an anchor. The match needs a proven, solid mother fucker and that's Steve Orbit more than anybody else.
Jesse Heenan: Can you really sit here and say that, knowing that two powerhouse, legendary names in Logan and Gravedigger have just been entered into the match?
Orbit scoffs. He pulls off the joint before speaking.
Steve Orbit: You know what the difference is? Relevance. There's no comparison. This is 2016, Jesse, not 2006, you know what I'm sayin'? I got at least one more World title reign left in me. Those mother fuckers are brought in for the novelty at this point, I'm just bein' real. Nothin' against either one of 'em and what they've accomplished, but let's be honest about this shit.
Jesse takes a few more notes before asking the next question.
Jesse Heenan: Back to you now, I find it hard to believe that you haven't kept yourself busy over the last year. You're a business owner-- you have the Hot Fry operation with your brother, Jonny Fly, as well as your "gentleman's club". Club Violet, is that correct?
Steve Orbit: Yeah.
Jesse Heenan: How's business? Are you still involved in the day-to-day operations?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I mean, look-- business is great, there's no business like ho business, you know what I'm sayin'? As for me, I had to take a step back. I don't wanna be over there every day, worryin' about this, that and the third. I own the business, I am the principle owner, but I have begun to transition out of the office over there. Don't get me wrong, I love that Club, I love the girls and the strip club business but I've just reached a point where I don't love running the mother fucker no more. So it's been like... an internal struggle, tryin' to let go of the control because I'm the type of mother fucker who needs to have my hands in the pot and needs to be directing everything that happens under that roof. It's taken some time but I've got a good team over there, some people who I trust, and they workin' it out. Things are good over there, for sure, we makin' money hand over fist. No doubt.
Jesse Heenan: I'm confused. You always portray this macho, pimp-slapping, take-charge kind of alpha male image-- we assume that's the way you really are, but then you are handing over the reigns to your own business over to strangers? How can a man with an ego the size of yours, with the inflated sense of self--
Orbit puts his hand up, cutting her off.
Steve Orbit: ALRIGHT, I see what you doin'. You tryin' to get me wound up over here. You see me, I'm cool as a fool in a mother fuckin' swimmin' pool-- you show up, my dick's hangin' out, I'm gettin' my drink on and my smoke on-- and you tryin' to kill my mother fuckin' high with this line of questioning. You tryin' to get the scoop... I know your type.
Jesse Heenan: You don't know me.
Steve Orbit: Don't I? Sensationalist type of reporter? You tryin' to get the black man with the criminal history, you tryin' to get me angry so I slap that goofy fuckin' smile off your face and you get a clip that goes viral and your career is set, your name is made. Well, I ain't bitin' the line, I ain't buyin' what you sellin', I ain't--
Now Jesse cuts Orbit off.
Jesse Heenan: I believe in digging for the truth. I'm not your "brother" Freddy Whoa--
Steve Orbit: What you mean, "brother"?!
She continues in spite of Orbit's interjection.
Jesse Heenan: I'm not going to be lobbing softballs at you in hopes of fooling around with one of your whores when the interview is finished. Is what I mean.
Orbit smiles.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, Freddy do love them hoes.
Jesse shakes her head in disgust, and her gaze returns to the notes. Orbit taps the half-burned joint out on the table, his eyes noticably more heavy and red.
Jesse Heenan: Now that you've sufficiently attempted to dance around my question, let's hear the answer. How does a man like Steve Orbit-- an egomaniac self-centered pimp-- just hand control of his business over to somebody else?
Orbit nods and sips his drink, considering the answer.
Steve Orbit: 'Cause I love the strip club business. Aight? I LOVE IT... but not as much as I love wrestling, and I ain't got time for both. I'm gettin' a little bit older, I need my free time. I need my time to hang around the house, to sit and think about shit. Smoke a bone and fuckin' reflect on my life and shit. I need that Steve Orbit time and I can't do it when I'm wrestling every Sunday night, training every day of my life-- AND running the hottest, coldest, cleanest, dirtiest mother fuckin' gentleman's club on the West Coast. Nah mean? Besides, Club Violet is established. I don't need to be there. The bitches are the attraction, not me. Mother fuckers don't go there to hang out with me, they go there to get their... I mean, they go there to look at some fine mother fuckin' bitches. To touch 'em, to stick dollars in that coochie. Nah mean? I don't need to be there for that. So I have a small team, some business minded people who have earned my trust-- and they take care of the bullshit for me. They run security, they collect the money, they handle the day to day shit.
Jesse Heenan: Aren't you afraid they'll rob you?
Orbit's nostrils flare.
Steve Orbit: THEM-- ROB ME?! You really are a square, ain't you Jesse. You don't understand the game at all. I put these people on, I gave them the opportunity of a lifetime. They are being paid HANDSOMELY for their mother fuckin' services, you can believe that. You don't bite the hand that feeds you and I am keepin' them fat and happy. That's the last thing I'm worried about, for real. Ain't nobody robbin' Club Violet. Have to be crazy. I'm heavy in the street, girl, mother fuckers know me. They know what time it is.
Orbit finishes his drink, gulping it down. He snaps his fingers off-camera, and the Latina girl walks into the frame with a bottle of Hennessy. She fills Orbit's glass and then walks out of the shot.
Jesse Heenan: I'd keep a close eye on things if I was you. That's all I'm saying. You never know.
Orbit smirks and points his finger at Jesse.
Steve Orbit: YOU never know. I ALWAYS know. It's a pimp's job to know, mother fucker.
Orbit sips his drink, proud. Jesse stays composed, professional.
Jesse Heenan: Let's get back to business-- the wrestling business, that is. Take me back to the moment you resigned. Did you contact Seth, did he reach out to you, get me from point A to point B, you going from "retired-ish" to now competing for a WCF World Title shot.
Orbit taps his fingers on his highball glass.
Steve Orbit: Seth and myself, we never really stopped being in contact. It's funny, 'cause like-- I think he knew I was comin' back even before I knew it. I'd tell him to fuck off, I ain't comin' back to work and he'd be like... yeah, I'll call you next month and see how you feel. Nah mean? It's true what they say, this wrestling shit is like a drug. The spectacle, the performance, the adrenaline-- the COMPETITION, it's hard to let go of that once you've had a taste at the highest levels. I can't change who I am and what I do, and I am Steve Orbit, World Champion, main eventer, WCF legend in the purest form. What I DO is put mother fuckers in they place on the inside of a wrestling ring. What I DO is entertain these fans out here and give them they money's worth. What I DO is strike fear into the heart of every single mother fucker in the locker room, whether they been around for fifteen minutes or fifteen YEARS. Nah mean? This beast can't hibernate not one more God damn minute.
Orbit pauses for dramatic effect.
Steve Orbit: So yeah, Seth kept callin' with offers. I was supposed to do War-- I was gonna do War, but I wasn't ready yet, I wasn't feelin' it. I was supposed to come back a month before One and work the One pay per view, I wasn't feelin' it... but I started to get the itch. That's why I showed up at One and made my lil' run in on BioWalker. Somethin' I been meaning to do for a long time. I know a lot of people thought it was lame, whatever. I was havin' some fun. I spoke to Seth backstage, he told me about his idea for a Final Destination match... I liked the idea, I thought it was a breath of fresh air, you know what I'm sayin'? So we spoke on the phone a few days after that, I flew out to PA, signed a VERY generous new deal-- don't believe everything that you read, especially if it comes from the assistant talent director, whatever the fuck the purpose of that position is-- and here we are, ready to do this God damn thing at Fifteen.
Heenan finished jotting down some notes before asking the next question.
Jesse Heenan: One is the biggest show of the year, bar none-- but Fifteen is special in it's own right, a show that is literally fifteen years in the making. Was that part of your decision to resign, the opportunity to be a part of such a historic event?
Steve Orbit: Sure, I wanted to be a part of it. But the deciding factor for me was that I want to compete. I missed the competition, I missed testing myself against these mother fuckers out here. When you have a competitive nature it's hard to sit at home, even after all of the spoils of success and the fact that I don't have to work another show in my LIFE if I don't want to-- the fact is, I DO want to. There's a certain part of me that will never be content unless I'm competing in a ring, and continuing to prove to myself and to the mother fuckin' world that Steve Orbit is one of the best to ever do it. I've never been the type to rest on my laurels. This year off was nice but I'm ready to get back on the grind and add to my legacy.
Jesse Heenan: Let's talk about your legacy. Your entire career has been defined by your numerous title reigns. In your three active years, you were rarely seen without at least one gold belt around your waist. You've headlined One, you've main evented more Slams and Pay Per Views than maybe anybody else in those three years-- 2012, 2013, 2014. In those three years, you also competed in three War matches. If I remember correctly, you were third runner up twice, and maybe fourth runner up in 2012? Ultimate Showdown, you participated in two-- Runner up in 2014, fourth place in 2012. For somebody of your stature, with a career as universally celebrated as yours-- how does it feel to have never won "the big one"?
The mild, carefree expression on Orbit's face drops. He stutters.
Steve Orbit: The big one? What about two World titles? What about the One main event in 2013? Orbit versus Fly, one of the most anticipated matches EVER? You can't be serious.
Jesse Heenan: I'm not talking about titles. I'm talking about being the last man standing in one of WCF's marquee matches. It's something that you haven't accomplished with numerous attempts.
Orbit clenches his jaw. He breathes a sigh.
Jesse Heenan: I'm hitting a nerve, aren't I? You know exactly what I'm getting at. You think about it, don't you. It's driving you back into the business.
Orbit slams his fist on the small table next to him, causing his liquor to splash out of the glass.
Steve Orbit: Of course I think about it! I mean, sometimes. Sometimes I think about it. But back to the point of this entire mother fucking conversation-- Steve Orbit is HERE. I'm back for the long haul. Mother fuckers want to act like my career has already peaked. I can't stand that shit. Even using words like "legend"... man, I know what "legend" means. "Legends" are guys who were doing their thing five, ten years ago. "Legend" is a code word for "old", "washed up". That ain't me. I'm in my mother fuckin' prime God dammit, and you know what? You wanna talk about marquee matches? I'ma take this opportunity-- Final Destination, I'ma turn this into a must-see event. I'ma go out there and I'ma kill this match so mother fuckin' gracefully and magnificent that every year, mother fuckers will be trying to top Steve Orbit's performance at Fifteen. I guarantee that shit. I'ma make this match MINE, just like everything else I put my hands on and get involved in. People gonna associate Final Destination with Steve Orbit, especially since I WILL WIN the inaugural Final Destination match at Fifteen. People only remember the winner, right? Well I ain't just tryin' to win, I'm tryin' to make history. War, Ultimate Showdown, and now Final Destination will become something that fans look forward to every year, I'ma do everything I can to make sure this match lives up to the hype. That's my goal. You wanna know why I'm back? That's my purpose, Jesse.
Orbit snaps his finger off camera once again. The Latina came with a towel to wipe up the liquor that had spilled on the table. She topped off his glass before leaving the scene once again.
Jesse Heenan: Don't you think that's everybody's purpose? There's a World Title shot up for grabs-- literally-- and an all-star line-up of participants. What is your plan to navigate through this match? How do you plan to upstage some of WCF's most decorated veterans, and most promising future stars?
Steve Orbit: I don't have a plan. I just go in and do what I do.
Heenan giggles a bit at the comment.
Jesse Heenan: You can't be serious. No strategy? For a huge match like this? No wonder you've never won the big one.
Steve Orbit: The World title is the big one! Stop it! Just 'cause I never won some gimmick match-- YOU try entering the War match this year. You want in? I'll fuckin' call Seth and get you in there. Bitch, get Seth Lerch on the phone. Speed dial 2.
Orbit snaps his fingers off camera once again, but Jesse interrupts.
Jesse Heenan: I'll take your word for it. But this is obviously a touchy subject for you. I just have to ask... why not prepare yourself?
Orbit sighs, rubbing the back of his head.
Steve Orbit: See, that's where you wrong. I'm always ready, my body stays ready. Ready to react, ready to go along with the mother fuckin' flow and roll with the punches. How can you predict a match like this? Seven mother fuckers, the thing is gonna be a mother fuckin' car crash with bodies flyin' everywhere. Any plan you have going into this match is going to become irrelevant within the first five minutes, that's the unpredictable nature of a match like this. This is gonna be unlike anything we have ever seen in WCF, 'cause there ain't no pinfall. No submission. All it is, is tryin' to get that briefcase by any means necessary. If that means I gotta knock six mother fuckers out cold, then that's what the fuck I'ma do-- this shit is about setting the bar for future Final Destination matches. This is about creating a classic that will be looked back upon-- just like mother fuckers are nostalgic for the first fifteen years of WCF, I'ma make sure that fifteen years from NOW, people 'gon be lookin' back at this first-ever Final Destination match like... damn, that was a hell of a match, and Steve Orbit sure did handle his mother fuckin' business in that one. People 'gon look back at this as the time when Steve Orbit came back and reclaimed his spot in WCF and led the company out of the #BeachKrew era of bullshit and into the next phase, into the mother fuckin' revolution.
Jesse Heenan: Speaking of #BeachKrew... have you had any interaction with the members of the dominant stable since returning?
Steve Orbit: Nah, I ain't crossed paths with none of 'em. I don't fuck with mother fuckers like that.
Jesse Heenan: ... Like what?
Steve Orbit: You know. A bunch of gay frat boys tappin each other on the ass, I don't fuck with that shit. That shit is mad suspect, girl. Those mother fuckers are mad suspect. Questionable sexuality, all of 'em. I don't care how many bitches they be partyin' with on TV, I'm concerned about what happens when the cameras come off. Something ain't right with those boys, straight up.
Jesse Heenan: So your theory is that the #BeachKrew are homosexual.
Steve Orbit: Yeah. I think they a little too suspect, B. Weird vibes. I mean, Jim Thuggin is clearly a child molester, look at the mother fucker. "Earth children" and all that shit, that sounds like some code word, safe word shit. I dunno, weird vibes, nah mean. Anyway, the only immediate concern I have with #BeachKrew is with Johnny Rabid since he's about to step into the ring with me on Sunday.
Jesse Heenan: A lot of fans... and even people backstage, are calling Rabid a front-runner and a potential winner of this match.
Steve Orbit: Yup.
Jesse Heenan: Do you agree that he's a front-runner?
Steve Orbit: There's only one front-runner and that's me the Mack. Everybody else is in distant second, third, so on. Johnny Rabid... I mean, these #Beachkrew really got people fooled. I know they the "in" thing right now, they what's hot. The kids love 'em-- I see 'em at the shows, they all got the Hawaiian shirts on and they poppin' pills and whatever else. They're like some new age psychedelic shit, it's fun for the kids. But that don't make this mother fucker a threat in a match like this. Let's break it down scientifically, this is some English mother fucker who probably stinks like a mother fucker, smellin' like rotten cabbage and shit, his breath probably stinks, and he thinks he's some kinda big shot because he ran his own wrestling company. Not in AMERICA, mind you. In that fuckin' potato farm island of England.
Jesse Heenan: Aren't you thinking of Ireland--
Steve Orbit: So he thinks he can just come over here, and what-- cook up some fish and chips, throw a couple shrimp on the barbie and beat Steve Orbit in a match for a shot at the World title? I don't fuckin' think so. And what's with all these tough guys goin' home to mama. You notice that? Every tough guy in WCF, they go home and start playin' with dolls with their kids and kiss they wife on the mouth. They fuckin' domesticated, B. You know what I go home to? I got a bitch rollin' a joint and another one fixin' me a drink. Two more upstairs runnin' me a bath. These mother fuckers are all talk, all fuckin' sizzle and no steak.
Jesse Heenan: ... A lot of men have families, you know. Doesn't mean they aren't dangerous. I could give you numerous examples--
Steve Orbit: Please don't. Save it, I don't give a fuck. Johnny Rabid is a square. Oh, Tag Team champion. Call me when you do it twice. Ain't done jack shit on the solo tip, the boy is untested. He's unpolished. He's unAmerican God dammit, and I'ma put his cockney ass to sleep, for real. The guy has the personality of a tube sock. He's a lackey for group that's losing power and relevance by the DAY, and I'm supposed to be worried about this boring son of a bitch? Nah. Nah, baby.
Orbit shakes his head "no". Jesse flips through her notepad.
Jesse Heenan: Let's keep rolling with this. I'd like to get your thoughts on the rest of the participants, on record. Ok?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, whatever. Sure.
Orbit takes the half-joint off the table and re-lights it, puffing it back to life.
Jesse Heenan: Another name that's come up as a potential winner is Spencer Adams. A lot of people believed he was a dark horse candidate for Wrestler of the Year 2015. You've obviously had some interaction with him-- a failed tag team effort against Howard Black and Occulo, and... well, another failed attempt at a tag match last week.
Steve Orbit: His fault, both times.
Orbit exhaled smoke from his nostrils.
Jesse Heenan: And I'm sure he would say the same about you. What did you learn from working closely with Spencer over the past few weeks? What do you think his chances are in this match?
Steve Orbit: Well, his chances are just like everybody elses. Zero percent, because I told you I'm walkin' out with that fuckin' briefcase no matter what. But let's see, what did I learn about Spencer Adams. I like him, overall. He's a good kid. His heart is in the right place and I think he really loves to perform. He's the type of guy who, you know... five years from now, he could really be somethin' in this business. Maybe win himself a Television title, maybe even the United States belt-- in a couple years. But the World title... I just don't know, Jesse. I don't see Spencer Adams as a World Title caliber mother fucker. Do you?
Jesse Heenan: The fans certainly do.
Steve Orbit: I didn't ask about the fans, I asked you.
Jesse Heenan: ... Yes. I could see him winning this match and eventually winning the World Title. Everybody loves an underdog story.
Orbit laughs. Heartily.
Steve Orbit: This is not a fuckin' story book, girl. We ain't writing stories in WCF.
/HIP HOP AIR RAID SIREN FUNK FLEX DROP A BOMB ON IT
Steve Orbit: This is reality, and in reality this shit is all about survival of the fit. The strong eating the weak. ESPECIALLY in a match like this. No friends, no enemies, just mother fuckin' obstacles to victory. Spencer Adams is a good dude and a good athlete, but does he have that killer instinct? Is he gonna be able to DISABLE six mother fuckers to the point where they cannot stop him from taking that briefcase and making history? I don't see it in him. The boy can't even win a tag match with STEVE ORBIT in his corner. That's sayin' a lot right there.
Jesse Heenan: So you take no responsiblity for the loss? Aren't tag matches supposed to be 50/50? You win as a team or lose as a team?
Steve Orbit: I never asked to team with Spencer Adams. So nah, there ain't that type of camraderie between us, and look-- I wasn't in the match but 60 seconds. How can I win the match if this mother fucker is hogging' the fuckin' spotlight? That's what it was, too. He got cocky. He said, fuck that, I'm gonna try to win this one on my own so I don't get outshined by Steve Orbit. How'd that work out for you, Spencer? You got fuckin' flattened. You tried to do it two weeks in a row, fuck that, I had to check him. I had to check him, Jesse. I ain't takin' two L's on account of this mother fucker. No way, not me.
Jesse Heenan: I see. So the odds of seeing Steve Orbit and Spencer Adams forming a tag team somewhere down the road... is not very high.
Orbit scoffs.
Steve Orbit: The odds of me Pimp Slapping the fuckin' paint off his face is pretty fuckin' high, I can tell you that. Look, like I said, he's a good kid. On some personal shit, I ain't got no issues with him. But in this ring, I'ma drop a nuke on his fuckin' ass. Game over.
Jesse Heenan: Moving along, Bonnie Blue is also in this match. Are you familiar with her?
Steve Orbit: Well... I mean, I ain't "familiar" with her, if you know what I'm sayin'. But I'd like to get to know her, you know, maybe over some wine. Fancy restaurant, that type of shit. You could come too, if you want. Plenty of dick to go around.
Heenan shoots Orbit a death glance.
Steve Orbit: I'm just playin'. Look, Bonnie Blue, she's a sexy bitch. A man can't help his natural instincts. I understand she's some cousin of Johnny Reb--
Jesse Heenan: Clone.
Steve Orbit: Yeah-- cousin, sister, clone, probably his girlfriend too. I love Reb but you know how them Southern boys get down.
Jesse Heenan: I think her story has gone way over your head.
Steve Orbit: Look, it don't matter. Clone, drone-- whatever, she ain't got no business in this match.
Jesse Heenan: She won a contendership match to enter Final Destination. IN FACT, she's the ONLY participant to have won a contendership match to enter. Some would say she has more business in this match than anybody else, including yourself.
Steve Orbit: Yeah? And some would say that name value is worth more than a lame fuckin' contender's match. 'Cause that's what I have, a brand. Name value. You know what a brand is? You know what it means when you have a brand? It means when people hear Steve Orbit is in the match, they know what to expect. They know I'ma do everything I can do to outperform and outwrestle everybody else in this mother fucker, and I'ma do it in the most entertaining way possible. That's why Seth can put me in this match without testing me first. I already been tested, three years of bustin' my mother fuckin' ass for this company. Building my brand. So I'd have to say you're way off base with that one.
Jesse Heenan: Either way, Bonnie Blue has been a force to be reckoned with in WCF. She's winning left and right, she's showing up every week with something to prove-- for her, Final Destination could be the opportunity she has been waiting for. An opportunity to take the next step forward into the main event scene, the World title scene.
Steve Orbit: Of course it is. We already discussed what's on the line here, Jesse. All you're saying is that she's the furthest one away from actually getting to the main event on her own, right? You sayin' that she would BENEFIT the most... she has the MOST to gain, because she damn sure ain't gettin' there on her own. Ain't that right?
Jesse Heenan: That's not what I meant. I'm talking about her potential as a wrestler--
Steve Orbit: POTENTIAL. There it is. You know what, I could potentially be a fuckin' astronaut if I went over to NASA and dropped a couple million. They'd take me to space. I could join the million mile high club if I wanted to, POTENTIALLY, don't mean it's gon' happen. Nah mean?
Jesse Heenan: ... No. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Orbit counts on his fingers.
Steve Orbit: Shit made sense to me. Bonnie Blue ain't shit! I'ma knock her sweet ass out and I ain't even gon' feel bad about it.
Jesse Heenan: That I believe.
Steve Orbit: God's truth baby.
Heenan rolls her eyes, lifting her eyebrows. She looks at her notepad.
Jesse Heenan: And then there was Logan. Logan and Gravedigger were announced to be the final two participants, this past week on Slam.
Orbit nodded his head, as if he knew this moment was coming. He rubbed the back of his head, and then winced, massaging his temples.
Steve Orbit: ... Logan, I mean, where do I start. Where do you start with Logan?
Jesse Heenan: Why don't you start with your direct interactions with Logan.
Steve Orbit: My direct interactions with Logan. I mean, where I do start with my direct interactions with Logan...
Orbit drifts off as a range of emotions continuously shift on his face. Finally, he shivers, as if being brought back into the moment.
Steve Orbit: I'ma have a lot to say about Logan soon enough so I don't want to, you know, take up too much of the interview. I'll just say this. I've underestimated Logan in the past. There was a time... I was about to go into Ultimate Showdown, 2014, as World Champion. Seth came stumbling out on Slam one week and told me I had to defend against Logan the week before Showdown-- you know, come to think, it's kinda similar to the way he came stumbling out and told me somebody would be "gunning for me" at Final Destination.
Jesse Heenan: I see the parallels.
Steve Orbit: Right. So, I mean, I was lookin' past Logan at that time-- I mean... considering our past, and considering I had whooped his ass seventeen times before that, I just brushed it off. Whatever, nah mean? But the Logan that showed up... I mean, before that, I never understood how Logan had achieved so much success and mother fuckin' respect around here. That night, when he damn near beat me for my World title-- I understood. I found out the mother fuckin' hard way that when Logan brings it, there ain't a damn thing you can do but hope he slips up and you can take advantage of it somehow, which is exactly what happened in that match. I was able to count out, keep my belt and go to Ultimate Showdown. But I went there with a new respect for Logan and what he's capable of inside the ring. I mean, before that, all he was to me was a psycho tranny who tried to blow me a bunch of times.
Jesse Heenan: I'm glad you brought that up, because--
Orbit puts his hand up.
Steve Orbit: No. I'm not going there. This is a serious fuckin' match, and I'm goin' into this thang expecting to find the Logan that wouldn't give up, that wouldn't quit in that World Title match. Not the one with a dildo hangin' out of his ass. Nah mean.
Jesse Heenan: Fair enough. Are you saying that you consider Logan a threat?
Orbit cocks his head to the side, considering the question.
Steve Orbit: I'm saying that I'ma make a conscious effort to be aware of Logan. I'm sayin' that I am not underestimating Logan. This mother fucker has won three Wars. He knows how to get the mother fuckin' job done... but I don't think he's ready for this. Even if he IS in his right mind, and he's putting it all on the table, he's not ready to throw down at the level that's gonna be necessary to incapacitate six mother fuckers and take that briefcase. And if he's in the match just to fuck with me-- if that's what Seth was talkin' about, then whatever. I'll do what I gotta do to take him out and then I'll keep it movin'. 'Cause let's be honest... it's Fifteen, let's bring out all the old stars and parade them around. Let's stick 'em in the Final Destination match so they can get bumped around and then go the fuck home. That's what this is really all about. Logan is the one who's "gunning for me"? Come on, Seth. You know me better than that. I've choked this nigga out once, I've outmaneuvered him, outlasted him, outCLASSed him on several occasions. Logan is always a threat, but I am a FORCE. You know the difference? A threat is maybe. But a force is guaranteed, and I guarantee that not Logan, not nobody will stop me from taking that mother fuckin' briefcase.
Jesse Heenan: ... But you're not underestimating him?
Steve Orbit: Nah. I got my eye on him. Don't mean I'm afraid of his ass.
Jesse Heenan: Sure, right. And Gravedigger?
Orbit grins.
Steve Orbit: Come on. Gravedigger?! Serious? He's in it for the novelty. He wants to be a part of Fifteen, and why wouldn't he? Dude's been here through it all. He's like Logan but less dangerous.
Jesse Heenan: What about XIII? Just a few short months ago, Digger beat Jayson Price, who is now challenging for the World Title!
Steve Orbit: Sheeit... a lot of people got lucky at XIII, you know what I'm sayin', and Digger was one of 'em. We don't even bring that shit up. We don't talk about it. So let's leave that alone.
Jesse Heenan: Fair enough. So you are not anticipating Gravedigger to put on a show-stealing performance at Fifteen?
Orbit chuckles.
Steve Orbit: That's one way to put it, yeah. Another way would be to say that he's in the match as a jackoff thing, he just wants to get it out his system. He just wants to be a part of Fifteen-- it must be difficult for this mother fucker to sit behind the desk and watch everybody get down every single week, and this week he's finally saying... enough, I want in. I want in that action, and that's cool... but come on, man, nobody really thinks Gravedigger is gonna be World Champion in 2016. Logan, ok-- he's unpredictable, you never know what to expect with him. Digger's career has been slowing down for years, and this is just not the type of match he should be doing at this point. He should be doing one-on-one, attraction matches against other legends. Against guys who are gonna work like he works.
Jesse Heenan: How does he work?
Steve Orbit: Slow... and safe. Basically the opposite of Steve Orbit. I'ma literally run circles around this nigga.
Orbit beams with stoned confidence, nodding his head as Jesse flips the page of her notepad.
Jesse Heenan: Lastly we have Benjamin Atreyu.
Steve Orbit: Yup.
Jesse Heenan: Your thoughts?
Steve Orbit: Ehh... we've had some, you know, altercations in the past. He's been in and out of this company for years, never really put together a solid run. He's one of those mother fuckers who's aight in the ring but he's missing something, I dunno if it's determination, or personality, or if it's some... you know, unseen factor, what's the word. Insta... integra...
Jesse Heenan: Intangible?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, some intelligable factor, I dunno. Early on in my career he whooped me up a few times, I ain't afraid to say it. You know why? Because he bounced, he was ghost, but I stayed. I stayed and got fuckin' better, and better, until I became THE BEST. So I welcome this opportunity to step into the ring with Atreyu once again, years later, to see who the fuck is gonna be standin' tall this time. He mighta beat me a long time ago but what else does he have to his name? He's one of those fuckin' guys who could never make it so they take a backstage role, and everybody says "oh, he coulda been so great". Yeah, he coulda, but that was then. His window of opportunity has passed. He's not gonna come back now, after all this time, and all the bullshit-- his fancy suit and tie job, he ain't gonna come back now and win his first World title. When has that EVER happened in this business? You know what Atreyu is, he's a good hand. He's what they call a "solid worker". That's another way of saying, you know, sure he can wrestle, but he'll never be a fuckin' STAR, and he'll never be World Champion.
Jesse Heenan: What about you? You're just coming back from a year break--
Steve Orbit: You are not listening to me. My name is already made, I'm already a star. When I come back to the company it's a fuckin' event. When Atreyu came back... for the fifth time, I mean, did anybody even know he was gone? Can anybody tell me what he did during his last run, 'cause I sure as fuckin' hell can't remember, and not because I don't care-- I don't-- but I would still remember if he did anything worth remembering. He comes in, fucks around, maybe wins some matches, and then he's gone again. This is the Atreyu cycle. We're in the middle of one right now. Seth is smart to use him while he's here-- like I said, he's a "good worker". He'll put on a decent performance, sure. But he ain't gettin' nowhere near that fuckin' briefcase.
Heenan motions to the camera man.
Jesse Heenan: Let's get ready to wrap this up. What are you final comments heading into Final Destination?
Orbit thinks for a moment, closing his eyes, before answering.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I got some shit I want to get off my chest. I know by the end of this week, I'ma be so fuckin' tired of empty pimp jokes, so tired of people tellin' me my time has already come and gone-- come at me with some original shit, mother fuckers. Y'all know I don't just wear the pimp hat for no reason, I live this shit. I let the entire world in on my life outside the ring for three years, and if y'all can't take anything from that, you ain't payin' attention. And if you ain't payin' attention, I got a mother fuckin' back hand that's gonna sneak right the fuck up on you. Now for the "past my prime" crowd-- I'm lookin' at Rabid, I'm lookin' at Spencer, and maybe Bonnie too. I only been in the fuckin' business for five years, WCF for the last four. So how the FUCK am I not relevant, how the FUCK am I somehow incapable of performing at the highest level just because I had a year off. Listen, when I left, I was probably the best mother fucker on the roster. I was proving it every week. What I'm tryin' to say to y'all is-- I'm about to prove it again. All the doubters, all the haters-- which are probably one in the same, but what I'm sayin' to all y'all is this. Steve Orbit is back. Not half-ass Steve Orbit, not unfocused Steve Orbit, but 100% Steve Orbit. Determined to reclaim the top spot Steve Orbit. Ready to do whatever it takes to get back to the mother fuckin' World Championship Steve Orbit. So before you open your stupid fuckin' mouth and say some shit that you gonna end up lookin' stupid for sayin', think about it first-- I'm the biggest threat in this match. I'm the one who you all need to be worryin' about. I'm coming to Fifteen, coming to the Final Destination match to WIN. And that's what I'ma do. Word up.
Orbit nods at the camera, as Jesse calls for the camera to cut.
==
LATER THAT DAY
Steve Orbit's old school Cadillac, baby blue, chromed out, rolling down a side street in Oakland. He pulls up on the curb in a familiar area-- in front of Club Violet. The Club is freshly painted, purple in color, standing out like a beacon of sin and debauchery. Orbit eyes the new paint job and nods with approval. He approaches the front door and goes to open it--
Locked.
Orbit puts his hands on his hips, thinking. He takes his keys out of his pants pocket and fumbles through them, finding the proper key. He puts it in the lock.
Won't turn.
Orbit paces for a few moments, unable to process what is currently happening. How could he be locked out of his own Club? Surely they just changed the locks-- it's a bad neighborhood after all, and it's been years since the locks have been changed. He took out his cellphone and began to dial a number. He puts the phone to his ear.
Steve Orbit: ... Kami, it's Steve. I guess you changed the locks. Woulda been nice to tell me. Let me know when you gonna be here so I can get a new key from you, aight? Call me as soon as you get this.
Orbit sighs, putting the phone back in his pocket. He turns to walk back to his car... when two large men approach him. They're wearing Club Violet staff t-shirts.
Steve Orbit: Oh, good timing y'all. These mother fuckers changed the lock without tellin' me, let a brother in.
One of the bouncers steps towards Orbit.
Bouncer: You ain't welcome here.
Steve Orbit: What?! Do you know who the fuck I am?! I own this joint, you work for ME! Now let me the fuck in!
Bouncer: Nah, that ain't what we been told. Kamelia told us you're out. New ownership, and you not supposed to be seen here. Matter of fact, they took out a restraining order this morning. Probably on their way to your crib to serve you right now.
Orbit just stands there, speechless, with so many thoughts and emotions flowing through his mind and body.
The bouncer shoved Orbit.
Bouncer: Just get the fuck outta here before we gotta call the police, man.
Orbit's jaw is wide open in disbelief. He can't even bring himself to anger. He just turns around and walks back to his car. He opens the door, sitting in the driver's seat. Still. Silent.
Steve Orbit ...
Orbit begins punching the steering wheel. Losing his shit.
Steve Orbit: FUCK! FUCK! SHIT! FUCK! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Bums across the street watch as Orbit goes completely beserk in his old school Caddy. Just then... a black SUV pulled up behind Orbit's car.
The doors open.
Out from the passenger seat...
steps Steve Orbit and Jonny Fly's mother, Meredith. She's wearing a suit. She walks towards the Club, keys in hand.
Steve Orbit: No... fuckin'... way.
Before she opens the door, she turns around to look at Orbit. They two make eye contact.
She smiles... and then walks inside, followed by an entourage.
Fade out.
