Post by Caliban on Jan 27, 2016 1:03:58 GMT -5
It's Tuesday morning when we open on Punkin without his mask on standing somewhere in the metropolis of LA in front of a giant Metal skull attached to the side of a building, the wall behind him surrounding the skull is covered in what looks like ivy covering the entire front of the heavily barred building only making way for the entrance and exit doors, as he speaks he spreads his arms wide and inviting wearing a "Keep Calm And Finish Him" shirt under a WCF academy sweater with the hood pulled up
Punkin: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN BOYS AND GIRLS ROLL UP ROLL UP TO WHAT I CAN HONESTLY SAY IS FAR FROM THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! I WISH I COULD SAY THAT WITHIN THESE DOORS YOU WILL FIND ITEMS OF MYSTERY AND WONDER, TALES OF FANTASTIC DARING DO AND HEROES UNACCOUNTABLE BUT NO! The walls behind me hold something so much different, something so much more powerful, behind me you will find items of violence and death, tales of suffering and pain and creatures so sick that it is considered a spite onto god himself to call them human beings, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WELCOME!
The camera pans out to reveal the top of the building and the sign designating it's purpose
Punkin: TO THE LOS ANGELES MUSEUM OF DEATH! And you may ask me, Punkin why on earth would you bring us here today, well that answer is simple, you see after Slam on Sunday night I couldn't shake the feeling something was holding me back, that the violence I unleashed on Shitsack and the ridiculous one himself could be considered duck as fuck lame while they went all out and I found myself wondering if maybe there was something wrong, if there was something in my head that made me not want to hurt the person in front of me as badly as my mind was telling me too
He lights a smoke ignoring the pleas of the camera guy not to do so on film and he can be heard muttering about how much they are gunna have to edit the video now as the Cigarette is not exactly of the legal tender, he exhales into the morning air and continues
Punkin: It's finally hit me when I was sitting in the departure lounge last night in Virginia before flying down to LA for an interview and to visit this place, it's finally hit me when I looked through my emails and found the card for 15 the anniversary of WCF and after laughing at the fact that Dag after all his big talk is doing some token newbie story match while the 2 guys he tried to convince you all he was better than go into wildly anticipated title matches at this company's 15th anniversary, the biggest WCF show of all time. Then I saw that we, me, him, the older old bloke, one of us that inhabits this broken fucking mind gets a shot at something that may actual mean something to his career, to dissolve the toxic stink of the IT division from our history once and for all. I then started thinking about what made someone become an exhibit in a place like this
He opens the door and walks in, Jones behind the camera asks if he is allowed to do that
Punkin: Of course I am, why else would the door be open? Caliban's missus has done guest curator work here at times working with Canadian Exhibits fact checking their details and such, hence why I am not wearing the mask. J.D. and Cathy the owners are around here somewhere but just like all administrative staff they are very good at not being seen by pedestrian eyes, we have the place all to ourselves
As they move inside the scene the confronts them in the entrance hall is one to behold, on a large plasma screen TV set into the wall behind the reception desk a video called Traces Of Death is playing, this is a much lesser film than the popular Faces Of Fear documentary which features real snuff footage as opposed to Faces enactments. As he begins to speak again they move down a hallway depicting everything from Charlie Manson Crime Scene Photos to Morgue Photo's of the Black Dahlia Murder
Punkin: And as I sat in that airport and subsequently on the plane I realised that while this place is considered a celebration of all that infects and dirties this world of ours the people shown in these walls are the purest people of them all, the most single-minded people, these people lived for one thing and one thing only and that is bloodshed and the fame and recognition they knew would inevitably go along with it
He stops in front of what looks like an IV machine and runs his hands along it looking at the equipment
Punkin: Do you know what this does? This is called a Thanatron, it is part of a collection called Suicide Machines that were designed to ease a patient into death, the one before you is the most primitive of those where a button system as full proof as a call for the cops button below a cash register releases chemicals to slowly lull its user to their final sleep. The ones that came after this where a little less 2 button push and dead, the next one the Mercitron made you answer questions before it would release the toxin into your bloodstream. As a message to my opponents on Sunday night I want you to think of it like this, when the WCF management signed this match between myself and the 4 of you for this belt they may as well of stuck one of these in their arms and turned it on for them in thier sleep. Even my old pal Cormie has no idea what I am going to do to him on Sunday night in the Fargo Centre deep in American death match country
He starts to laugh and moves on circling a glass box
Punkin: Ladies and Gentlemen meet Blue Beard, this mother fucking real life severed head was once attached to the body of Henri Landau, now for any of you film buffs you may remember a British Thriller based around this guy, or the movie about his life Landau, but this guy right here he was such a horrifying creature he has transcended pop culture, Star Trek has Parodied this man, his wax work was a villain in the Twilight Zone. He killed 11 women in 4 years starting in 1915 preying on widows of the first world war becoming the Male equivalent of a black widow only doing what he did for gold and glory. This man is my idol, it was men like him who brought me to the realisation I am slowly working my way back too, the one where I realised that it was time to let go of any want or any need for anything other than what these men coveted, fuck revenge, fuck personal feeling, I was always cold, I was always calculating but now I am merciless, I am the serial killer of WCF and this is my hall of fame
He moves on through what looks like gas light lit hallways into a modest room with 4 beds
Punkin: Now I would like to introduce you to what I like to call a room full of delusion, you see these 4 beds, all of them once held the body of someone who believed in light over darkness, somebody who believed that there was something better than the shit pit of a world we trudge through every day. You see this is an small scale depiction of the dorm room which housed 39 members of the Heavens Gate Cult
He slumps down on one of the beds kicking back and relaxing laughing as he does so
Punkin: These stupid fucks believed that mass suicide would end in them being transported to a fictional planetoid or asteroid or some shit called MMMM Bop or Hale Bopp or something and the way I look at it, every single bed in this room belongs to a member of the WCF International title match, every single bed in here is the place they put their bags every night when they come into the arena each one of them not knowing the plans in motion for each of them, that each of them is on a timer that will end Sunday when they cross me and the bed I lay in right now belongs to the one they call The Average man, Lee Jones,
Camera guy: That's Mr Average Lee Roberts
Punkin: OK! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN! Come on dude! Who the hell let a guy who happily calls himself average into one of the greatest promotions this world has ever seen? Who the fuck puts an average man in the ring with someone who will willingly make them bleed for fun, with an almost 7 foot Nova Scotian giant with a temper worse than Zmac's body odour, and 2 guys who I am assuming from experience wrestling guys with names like Sakazaki are gunna kick like a donkey with a hot poker stuck up his ass, or squish you like the giant baby Nagazaki is, dude you can do all the amazing things you want, but in WCF you are surrounded by incredible mother fuckers who do amazing things on a daily basis so really what need do we have for a guy like you? I mean I get it we are gunna be in Philly which is known for under dog wrestling but do we really have to pander to the crowd this much, surely coming in the door someone should of pointed out the sign saying be incredible or fuck off home the first day this guy walked into wrestling school right? I mean what's his promo gunna be? A glass of milk and some home made cookies chilling on his couch watching Springer?
He sits up looking right into the camera almost crawling to his feet
Punkin: I got a lesson for people like you Lee, people who have crawled out of the bingo hall wrestling of Philly and infected the world of PRO WRESTLING with their stink, their monotonous existence and their backward point of view on the world. It's time people like you learned to be scared of us again, that some fat guy who can take a few chair shots and has worked out how to throw his fat ass round fast enough to land a 450 has no place in a wrestling ring with a man who would be willing to leave him blinded simply so he never had to see him in a locker room again. Back when wrestling was wrestling guys would of beat the shit out of you in the ring your first day till you went home and never came the fuck back. Kid I am gunna send you back to the monster factory or whatever franchise piece of shit wrestling school you stumbled out of
He points out one of the other beds
Punkin: Now that bed is probably the most gruesome and depressing one in here, you see that bed was found with a pregnant corpse on it when law enforcement discovered 39 people in the much larger dorm than this was meant to represent, they said the poison the woman took caused.... Leakage, THAT BED BELONGS TO Nagasaki, god can you imagine how much fluid comes out of his body when he sleeps, fuck that's disgusting and beyond that I mean how the fuck does that thing get up in the morning? Mechanical sling? Fork Lift? Or does his manager have a paddle and pulley system?
He giggles and chatters to himself for a second making the motions of Nobunaga pulling on ropes with strain on his face
Punkin: I mean that's gotta be a 2 man job right? I mean this fucker weighs like 420 and yet he is so insecure in his ability to intimidate people he puts a fucking mask on to dance and his boss brings the guys custom made 6 foot sandwich guillotine with him to the ring. Lemme ask you this you fat sack of shit, do you really think a man who poops out something my weight has the ability to catch the formerly known artful doger of pro wrestling? Do you really think that head full of Saki and Barbeque drowned brain cells will be able to out think a man who doesn't know what will come to him next? Do you think that fuck with you on the outside will be able to give you some insight to a mind so cloudy it's own conciousness now resides in a room buried deep inside of it? Big boy wear that nappy to the ring ok? Because a 175 pound man is about to make you shit yourself so badly you will drop 20 pounds in one fell swoop. Big doesn't mean good in wrestling any more, it just means "there to make smaller better men look incredible" so I tell you what you chill in the corner and Ill do like a 630 off your ample man tits or something you with me kimo sabe? Sweet
He stands up and walks over to another bed that seems proportionally bigger than the others, he sits on the end of it and cradles one hand in the other between his knees
Punkin: There are rumours that there was meant to be one more person in this room, that the cult that lived here was not a fan of odd numbers, a lot of that belief surrounds this bed and the fact that it was slightly bigger, this and some belongings found in the trunk under it showed that this bed was shared by a younger pair of sibling, a brother and sister, the sister was found dead with the other 38 but the brother people suspect slept here with her was nowhere to be found. And so I think it's rather appropriate that I give this one to Sakazaki, Kira that is, because any WCF historian will know that when we first met this Asian pretty boy he was accompanied by a smokin ass sister but unfortunately I don't see her on the card anywhere. But you know what I always thought of when I look at those 2? Have you ever seen Old Boy? Well if you have you will know the big twist at the end which lets just say is more than a little bit incest infused, but then Kira is meant to be a bad ass right? I should probably watch my tongue before mouthing off about his family but shit I'll say it I think Kira Sakazaki was fucking that sweet ass sister of his
He looks up into the camera smiling widely and cocks his head to one side
Punkin: There you go Kira I said it, did it upset you? Did it make you frown? Are you gunna kick my ass? Yah mad bro? Good be mad because you gotta face 2 of the biggest men in this company, the most average man in this company and the one man left working full time for this company that will more than happily leave you dead in the fucking ring. Kira considering who you face on Sunday night you will need all the rage in the world to make this little showcase come back of yours the fairy tale you desperately want this too be, the only problem is you will need 10 times more than that just to survive the ordeal
We move ignoring the final bed and on through to a room with a glowing exit sign on the far side, getting to it seems like a jarring experience though as the walls of the room are lined with Taxidermy of all kinds, Caliban looks around and then reaches up lifting a stuffed Sphinx cat its scrotum like skin hanging loose off it's stuffing
Punkin: You may be asking yourself why I left a bed out, you may be asking yourself why I haven't had the gut to shit talk my former team mate Cormack yet, well that's because I wanted to wait till we where somewhere special. See Cormack isn't like the other men in this match, I know that, I was the one who slapped the man in the face for the first time in his career and told him to become the monster he was destined to be. The significance of this, well you see when this room was being built this was the first piece to be placed out of all of them. Cormack was the first man Jordan chose to be a member of Sequitus, he was the first man who's door we knocked on and for a long time one of the few that we called friend here and until this happened
He holds the Punkin mask up to the camera
Punkin: He may of been the only other person in this company to know what was really living up here
He taps the side of his head
Punkin: But Cormack you should know that all that is history, the man you face on Sunday night is nothing like the one you called friend, he is nothing like the weak minded failure that was Jordan Caliban. He is faster, smarter and much more vicious, this body cuts men like Cormack down for fucking firewood it's one of the many things it's known for and when it comes to that grizzly Adams fucked a redwood mother fucker my legs may as well be chainsaws and when you suck my super kick the crowd won't be shouting dead they will be hollering TIMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
He replaces the kitty corpse and they make their way outside and end up with Caliban sitting on a giant French style Guillotine
Punkin: Landau took his final breath with his head in one of these
He lights another dodgy smoke
Punkin: WCF the reason I come to places like this and you could say I do this a lot, go to places where the misery is thick in the air, is the same reason why most WCF stars go to schools and speak to kids, or go to charity events and hang with soldiers and disabled people, somewhere like this somewhere that has seen murder and the darkness the grows in the human soul, they calm me. They centre me because in those places I truly feel at home just like I do in a wrestling ring when I am making men twice my size scream like little girls, where I get to out think everyone and the only logical answer ever is violence, where throwing the first punch is a good thing and making your opponent bleed is a victory not a tragedy.
He hops off the Guillotine and swaggers towards the camera
Punkin: Ladies and Gentlemen of WCF I would like to introduce myself once more, my name is PUNKIN Caliban, THE SERIAL KILLER OF PRO WRESTLING, and this is the beginning, the gloves are off, the rampage is on and I will not stop until I have REAL WCF gold round my waist for the first time. There are a lot of people who are claiming this is gunna be their year, I won't be that arrogant but I will make this promise, this late resolution that I will spill blood this year, that I will eat the years off the careers of everybody I face this year, that I will break bones, crack skulls AND HURT PEOPLE! And I will do it all for nobody but myself, Jordan Caliban never wanted anything more than to be a champion for these people even if the way they read it didn't quite come off that way. But at fifteen I will finally show you all the true fundemental difference between myself and Jordan
He leans down out of camera shot then comes back up pulling the Punkin mask down to his nose leaving the mouth exposed to take a long drag from his joint and then pulls it down exhaling through pourus fabric
Punkin: The man mountain, the monolith, the average Homosapien and the guy who's most exciting and memorable moment was 10 minutes ago when I suggested he was sleeping with his own sister. It doesn't matter what you are capable of because on sunday night it will not be enough. Cormac you can hit me as hard as you want big dog, because we all know if theres anyone in that match you will hit hard it will be me, but that's as far a sign of respect as will be shown in this. Fat Boy I'll admit you may be the biggest Jabba the pizza hutt eating mother fucker I have ever been in the ring with, everyone else in this match I have a game plan for, I have taken people like them out over and over here in WCF but a sumo? I dunno how to handle that, good thing is I have 3 other people in there with me, let's hope one of them works it out and if not, well there is always the 4 on 1 option, Naga you will never be thought of as the most dangerous man in this match, but you do have the biggest target on you, just like the fattest buffalo the lions will always find you first
He rolls the mask back up and takes another smoke
Punkin: WCF when we came back here 6 months ago we made a statement, that when we where he we wanted to accomplish 2 things, those where Jordan's dreams but I realised once I took over that those where things that needed to happen. Zmac knows that my war against the IT title is far from over and that means there is still blood to be spilled, I just hope he beats Cairo this time, that way I can take all that he loves in one fell swoop, and come on, I'm the perfect advocate for what he calls the horrorkore championship, he already went down NODQ to me once. But the real promise we made was to finally wear a piece of gold here that means something, to wear a piece of gold that represents all that Jordan Caliban loves about this company. At 15 I will acheive that, mark my words I will start of 2016 with a title round my waist and blood on my hands, I just never figured that blood cocktail would have 4 ingrediants, a shot of Nova Scotia whiskey fed, a little Ottowa Ontario drop of what I will assume is Pabst Blue label, Mr Average being from the most average capital city on the planet Ottowa Ontario, and 2 helpings of Saki to give it a kick. But then you have what I like to call the violence fuel, you see this body comes from real whiskey country, Caliban's mammy lives 30 miles from the world famous Bushmills Distillery, the only thing that can cause a riot in a golfers club house.
He smiles into the camera wide letting it linger for a second
Punkin: I guess what I am trying to say it, this match has a lot of very interesting ingrediants in it and the answer everyone is asking? Which of the 5 make up the drink and who is gunna be the one left standing after he swallows the others whole, shit that makes less sense, shit let's not be cryptic, straight up, straight up, JUST SAY THE FUCKING WORDS LIKE A HUMAN BEING PUNKIN!
He stops for a second seething, combustably angry at himself it seems
Punkin: Simply put I am the most dangerous man in this match of 5, all the others bring elements that will make this spectacular, all the others bring elements that will make this a show stealer but if there is one thing none of them are gunna bring it is the ability to survive me
Punkin: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN BOYS AND GIRLS ROLL UP ROLL UP TO WHAT I CAN HONESTLY SAY IS FAR FROM THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! I WISH I COULD SAY THAT WITHIN THESE DOORS YOU WILL FIND ITEMS OF MYSTERY AND WONDER, TALES OF FANTASTIC DARING DO AND HEROES UNACCOUNTABLE BUT NO! The walls behind me hold something so much different, something so much more powerful, behind me you will find items of violence and death, tales of suffering and pain and creatures so sick that it is considered a spite onto god himself to call them human beings, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WELCOME!
The camera pans out to reveal the top of the building and the sign designating it's purpose
Punkin: TO THE LOS ANGELES MUSEUM OF DEATH! And you may ask me, Punkin why on earth would you bring us here today, well that answer is simple, you see after Slam on Sunday night I couldn't shake the feeling something was holding me back, that the violence I unleashed on Shitsack and the ridiculous one himself could be considered duck as fuck lame while they went all out and I found myself wondering if maybe there was something wrong, if there was something in my head that made me not want to hurt the person in front of me as badly as my mind was telling me too
He lights a smoke ignoring the pleas of the camera guy not to do so on film and he can be heard muttering about how much they are gunna have to edit the video now as the Cigarette is not exactly of the legal tender, he exhales into the morning air and continues
Punkin: It's finally hit me when I was sitting in the departure lounge last night in Virginia before flying down to LA for an interview and to visit this place, it's finally hit me when I looked through my emails and found the card for 15 the anniversary of WCF and after laughing at the fact that Dag after all his big talk is doing some token newbie story match while the 2 guys he tried to convince you all he was better than go into wildly anticipated title matches at this company's 15th anniversary, the biggest WCF show of all time. Then I saw that we, me, him, the older old bloke, one of us that inhabits this broken fucking mind gets a shot at something that may actual mean something to his career, to dissolve the toxic stink of the IT division from our history once and for all. I then started thinking about what made someone become an exhibit in a place like this
He opens the door and walks in, Jones behind the camera asks if he is allowed to do that
Punkin: Of course I am, why else would the door be open? Caliban's missus has done guest curator work here at times working with Canadian Exhibits fact checking their details and such, hence why I am not wearing the mask. J.D. and Cathy the owners are around here somewhere but just like all administrative staff they are very good at not being seen by pedestrian eyes, we have the place all to ourselves
As they move inside the scene the confronts them in the entrance hall is one to behold, on a large plasma screen TV set into the wall behind the reception desk a video called Traces Of Death is playing, this is a much lesser film than the popular Faces Of Fear documentary which features real snuff footage as opposed to Faces enactments. As he begins to speak again they move down a hallway depicting everything from Charlie Manson Crime Scene Photos to Morgue Photo's of the Black Dahlia Murder
Punkin: And as I sat in that airport and subsequently on the plane I realised that while this place is considered a celebration of all that infects and dirties this world of ours the people shown in these walls are the purest people of them all, the most single-minded people, these people lived for one thing and one thing only and that is bloodshed and the fame and recognition they knew would inevitably go along with it
He stops in front of what looks like an IV machine and runs his hands along it looking at the equipment
Punkin: Do you know what this does? This is called a Thanatron, it is part of a collection called Suicide Machines that were designed to ease a patient into death, the one before you is the most primitive of those where a button system as full proof as a call for the cops button below a cash register releases chemicals to slowly lull its user to their final sleep. The ones that came after this where a little less 2 button push and dead, the next one the Mercitron made you answer questions before it would release the toxin into your bloodstream. As a message to my opponents on Sunday night I want you to think of it like this, when the WCF management signed this match between myself and the 4 of you for this belt they may as well of stuck one of these in their arms and turned it on for them in thier sleep. Even my old pal Cormie has no idea what I am going to do to him on Sunday night in the Fargo Centre deep in American death match country
He starts to laugh and moves on circling a glass box
Punkin: Ladies and Gentlemen meet Blue Beard, this mother fucking real life severed head was once attached to the body of Henri Landau, now for any of you film buffs you may remember a British Thriller based around this guy, or the movie about his life Landau, but this guy right here he was such a horrifying creature he has transcended pop culture, Star Trek has Parodied this man, his wax work was a villain in the Twilight Zone. He killed 11 women in 4 years starting in 1915 preying on widows of the first world war becoming the Male equivalent of a black widow only doing what he did for gold and glory. This man is my idol, it was men like him who brought me to the realisation I am slowly working my way back too, the one where I realised that it was time to let go of any want or any need for anything other than what these men coveted, fuck revenge, fuck personal feeling, I was always cold, I was always calculating but now I am merciless, I am the serial killer of WCF and this is my hall of fame
He moves on through what looks like gas light lit hallways into a modest room with 4 beds
Punkin: Now I would like to introduce you to what I like to call a room full of delusion, you see these 4 beds, all of them once held the body of someone who believed in light over darkness, somebody who believed that there was something better than the shit pit of a world we trudge through every day. You see this is an small scale depiction of the dorm room which housed 39 members of the Heavens Gate Cult
He slumps down on one of the beds kicking back and relaxing laughing as he does so
Punkin: These stupid fucks believed that mass suicide would end in them being transported to a fictional planetoid or asteroid or some shit called MMMM Bop or Hale Bopp or something and the way I look at it, every single bed in this room belongs to a member of the WCF International title match, every single bed in here is the place they put their bags every night when they come into the arena each one of them not knowing the plans in motion for each of them, that each of them is on a timer that will end Sunday when they cross me and the bed I lay in right now belongs to the one they call The Average man, Lee Jones,
Camera guy: That's Mr Average Lee Roberts
Punkin: OK! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN! Come on dude! Who the hell let a guy who happily calls himself average into one of the greatest promotions this world has ever seen? Who the fuck puts an average man in the ring with someone who will willingly make them bleed for fun, with an almost 7 foot Nova Scotian giant with a temper worse than Zmac's body odour, and 2 guys who I am assuming from experience wrestling guys with names like Sakazaki are gunna kick like a donkey with a hot poker stuck up his ass, or squish you like the giant baby Nagazaki is, dude you can do all the amazing things you want, but in WCF you are surrounded by incredible mother fuckers who do amazing things on a daily basis so really what need do we have for a guy like you? I mean I get it we are gunna be in Philly which is known for under dog wrestling but do we really have to pander to the crowd this much, surely coming in the door someone should of pointed out the sign saying be incredible or fuck off home the first day this guy walked into wrestling school right? I mean what's his promo gunna be? A glass of milk and some home made cookies chilling on his couch watching Springer?
He sits up looking right into the camera almost crawling to his feet
Punkin: I got a lesson for people like you Lee, people who have crawled out of the bingo hall wrestling of Philly and infected the world of PRO WRESTLING with their stink, their monotonous existence and their backward point of view on the world. It's time people like you learned to be scared of us again, that some fat guy who can take a few chair shots and has worked out how to throw his fat ass round fast enough to land a 450 has no place in a wrestling ring with a man who would be willing to leave him blinded simply so he never had to see him in a locker room again. Back when wrestling was wrestling guys would of beat the shit out of you in the ring your first day till you went home and never came the fuck back. Kid I am gunna send you back to the monster factory or whatever franchise piece of shit wrestling school you stumbled out of
He points out one of the other beds
Punkin: Now that bed is probably the most gruesome and depressing one in here, you see that bed was found with a pregnant corpse on it when law enforcement discovered 39 people in the much larger dorm than this was meant to represent, they said the poison the woman took caused.... Leakage, THAT BED BELONGS TO Nagasaki, god can you imagine how much fluid comes out of his body when he sleeps, fuck that's disgusting and beyond that I mean how the fuck does that thing get up in the morning? Mechanical sling? Fork Lift? Or does his manager have a paddle and pulley system?
He giggles and chatters to himself for a second making the motions of Nobunaga pulling on ropes with strain on his face
Punkin: I mean that's gotta be a 2 man job right? I mean this fucker weighs like 420 and yet he is so insecure in his ability to intimidate people he puts a fucking mask on to dance and his boss brings the guys custom made 6 foot sandwich guillotine with him to the ring. Lemme ask you this you fat sack of shit, do you really think a man who poops out something my weight has the ability to catch the formerly known artful doger of pro wrestling? Do you really think that head full of Saki and Barbeque drowned brain cells will be able to out think a man who doesn't know what will come to him next? Do you think that fuck with you on the outside will be able to give you some insight to a mind so cloudy it's own conciousness now resides in a room buried deep inside of it? Big boy wear that nappy to the ring ok? Because a 175 pound man is about to make you shit yourself so badly you will drop 20 pounds in one fell swoop. Big doesn't mean good in wrestling any more, it just means "there to make smaller better men look incredible" so I tell you what you chill in the corner and Ill do like a 630 off your ample man tits or something you with me kimo sabe? Sweet
He stands up and walks over to another bed that seems proportionally bigger than the others, he sits on the end of it and cradles one hand in the other between his knees
Punkin: There are rumours that there was meant to be one more person in this room, that the cult that lived here was not a fan of odd numbers, a lot of that belief surrounds this bed and the fact that it was slightly bigger, this and some belongings found in the trunk under it showed that this bed was shared by a younger pair of sibling, a brother and sister, the sister was found dead with the other 38 but the brother people suspect slept here with her was nowhere to be found. And so I think it's rather appropriate that I give this one to Sakazaki, Kira that is, because any WCF historian will know that when we first met this Asian pretty boy he was accompanied by a smokin ass sister but unfortunately I don't see her on the card anywhere. But you know what I always thought of when I look at those 2? Have you ever seen Old Boy? Well if you have you will know the big twist at the end which lets just say is more than a little bit incest infused, but then Kira is meant to be a bad ass right? I should probably watch my tongue before mouthing off about his family but shit I'll say it I think Kira Sakazaki was fucking that sweet ass sister of his
He looks up into the camera smiling widely and cocks his head to one side
Punkin: There you go Kira I said it, did it upset you? Did it make you frown? Are you gunna kick my ass? Yah mad bro? Good be mad because you gotta face 2 of the biggest men in this company, the most average man in this company and the one man left working full time for this company that will more than happily leave you dead in the fucking ring. Kira considering who you face on Sunday night you will need all the rage in the world to make this little showcase come back of yours the fairy tale you desperately want this too be, the only problem is you will need 10 times more than that just to survive the ordeal
We move ignoring the final bed and on through to a room with a glowing exit sign on the far side, getting to it seems like a jarring experience though as the walls of the room are lined with Taxidermy of all kinds, Caliban looks around and then reaches up lifting a stuffed Sphinx cat its scrotum like skin hanging loose off it's stuffing
Punkin: You may be asking yourself why I left a bed out, you may be asking yourself why I haven't had the gut to shit talk my former team mate Cormack yet, well that's because I wanted to wait till we where somewhere special. See Cormack isn't like the other men in this match, I know that, I was the one who slapped the man in the face for the first time in his career and told him to become the monster he was destined to be. The significance of this, well you see when this room was being built this was the first piece to be placed out of all of them. Cormack was the first man Jordan chose to be a member of Sequitus, he was the first man who's door we knocked on and for a long time one of the few that we called friend here and until this happened
He holds the Punkin mask up to the camera
Punkin: He may of been the only other person in this company to know what was really living up here
He taps the side of his head
Punkin: But Cormack you should know that all that is history, the man you face on Sunday night is nothing like the one you called friend, he is nothing like the weak minded failure that was Jordan Caliban. He is faster, smarter and much more vicious, this body cuts men like Cormack down for fucking firewood it's one of the many things it's known for and when it comes to that grizzly Adams fucked a redwood mother fucker my legs may as well be chainsaws and when you suck my super kick the crowd won't be shouting dead they will be hollering TIMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
He replaces the kitty corpse and they make their way outside and end up with Caliban sitting on a giant French style Guillotine
Punkin: Landau took his final breath with his head in one of these
He lights another dodgy smoke
Punkin: WCF the reason I come to places like this and you could say I do this a lot, go to places where the misery is thick in the air, is the same reason why most WCF stars go to schools and speak to kids, or go to charity events and hang with soldiers and disabled people, somewhere like this somewhere that has seen murder and the darkness the grows in the human soul, they calm me. They centre me because in those places I truly feel at home just like I do in a wrestling ring when I am making men twice my size scream like little girls, where I get to out think everyone and the only logical answer ever is violence, where throwing the first punch is a good thing and making your opponent bleed is a victory not a tragedy.
He hops off the Guillotine and swaggers towards the camera
Punkin: Ladies and Gentlemen of WCF I would like to introduce myself once more, my name is PUNKIN Caliban, THE SERIAL KILLER OF PRO WRESTLING, and this is the beginning, the gloves are off, the rampage is on and I will not stop until I have REAL WCF gold round my waist for the first time. There are a lot of people who are claiming this is gunna be their year, I won't be that arrogant but I will make this promise, this late resolution that I will spill blood this year, that I will eat the years off the careers of everybody I face this year, that I will break bones, crack skulls AND HURT PEOPLE! And I will do it all for nobody but myself, Jordan Caliban never wanted anything more than to be a champion for these people even if the way they read it didn't quite come off that way. But at fifteen I will finally show you all the true fundemental difference between myself and Jordan
He leans down out of camera shot then comes back up pulling the Punkin mask down to his nose leaving the mouth exposed to take a long drag from his joint and then pulls it down exhaling through pourus fabric
Punkin: The man mountain, the monolith, the average Homosapien and the guy who's most exciting and memorable moment was 10 minutes ago when I suggested he was sleeping with his own sister. It doesn't matter what you are capable of because on sunday night it will not be enough. Cormac you can hit me as hard as you want big dog, because we all know if theres anyone in that match you will hit hard it will be me, but that's as far a sign of respect as will be shown in this. Fat Boy I'll admit you may be the biggest Jabba the pizza hutt eating mother fucker I have ever been in the ring with, everyone else in this match I have a game plan for, I have taken people like them out over and over here in WCF but a sumo? I dunno how to handle that, good thing is I have 3 other people in there with me, let's hope one of them works it out and if not, well there is always the 4 on 1 option, Naga you will never be thought of as the most dangerous man in this match, but you do have the biggest target on you, just like the fattest buffalo the lions will always find you first
He rolls the mask back up and takes another smoke
Punkin: WCF when we came back here 6 months ago we made a statement, that when we where he we wanted to accomplish 2 things, those where Jordan's dreams but I realised once I took over that those where things that needed to happen. Zmac knows that my war against the IT title is far from over and that means there is still blood to be spilled, I just hope he beats Cairo this time, that way I can take all that he loves in one fell swoop, and come on, I'm the perfect advocate for what he calls the horrorkore championship, he already went down NODQ to me once. But the real promise we made was to finally wear a piece of gold here that means something, to wear a piece of gold that represents all that Jordan Caliban loves about this company. At 15 I will acheive that, mark my words I will start of 2016 with a title round my waist and blood on my hands, I just never figured that blood cocktail would have 4 ingrediants, a shot of Nova Scotia whiskey fed, a little Ottowa Ontario drop of what I will assume is Pabst Blue label, Mr Average being from the most average capital city on the planet Ottowa Ontario, and 2 helpings of Saki to give it a kick. But then you have what I like to call the violence fuel, you see this body comes from real whiskey country, Caliban's mammy lives 30 miles from the world famous Bushmills Distillery, the only thing that can cause a riot in a golfers club house.
He smiles into the camera wide letting it linger for a second
Punkin: I guess what I am trying to say it, this match has a lot of very interesting ingrediants in it and the answer everyone is asking? Which of the 5 make up the drink and who is gunna be the one left standing after he swallows the others whole, shit that makes less sense, shit let's not be cryptic, straight up, straight up, JUST SAY THE FUCKING WORDS LIKE A HUMAN BEING PUNKIN!
He stops for a second seething, combustably angry at himself it seems
Punkin: Simply put I am the most dangerous man in this match of 5, all the others bring elements that will make this spectacular, all the others bring elements that will make this a show stealer but if there is one thing none of them are gunna bring it is the ability to survive me
