Post by David Alastair on Nov 9, 2006 17:13:24 GMT -5
11/9/06...
Okay, okay...I know this is completely unnecessary. But this is just to fill people in about the Wal-Mart incident described in my Q&A.
I can't believe that I had a camera crew with me.
So...from my days at Yggdrasil Pro, here she is...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The setting starts with David Alastair and Craig Shultz sitting at the kitchen table. David is eating Cocoa Puffs cereal while Craig is reading the Sports Section of the newspaper.
Craig: Bah! The Yankees win again, and the Cubs are the basement bitches of the NL Central, and my butt itches!
David looks up while hovering over his bowl of cereal.
David: Too much info. And you should also know that I’m a Mets fan.
Craig: STFU, dude. Besides, Ray has to do some job hunting today and we have to help him out.
David proceeds to look into the box for more cereal. He gasps and then slams the box down. Craig cocks an eyebrow…
Craig: What the hell is your problem?
David gets teary-eyed. His eyes getting big and sad, like that of a lost puppy dog.
David: No more Co...coa... Puffs…*mumble mumble mumble*… HILD! (my manager at the time...)
With this, Hild walks into the room, her platinum hair in a sleeping cap while dressed in pajamas with little devils on them. She looks a little irritated as she wipes the sleep from her eyes.
Hild: What the hell do you want?!
David: I ran out of Cocoa Puffs, get me more!
Hild groans.
Hild: You woke me up from my lovely sleep consisting of nightmares and impulses of the French Reign of Terror for this?
David nods as Craig continues to read the paper.
Hild: Can’t you just go to the store? Besides, doesn’t Ray have to go job hunting today?
David: I don’t know. My head has imploded.
Craig: Errrr….yeah. Whatever, man. C’mon, let’s go help ole Ray out…
David sighs as both men walk out of the kitchen. Hild waves the two off.
Hild: Ta-ta, you two!
Once she is left in the kitchen by herself, she angrily flips the bird.
Now, we find ourselves in a quaint room. Home of a 180 pound, gamer kid of Polynesian decent so to speak... David and Craig walk into the room, managing to avoid stepping on anything that Ray left on the floor. Ray doesn’t notice them coming in, as he is zoned out while playing Fire Pro Wrestling.
Ray: Demon Child of the Apocalypse! Angela’s friend Edge and Lita must perish at the hands of Samoa Joe!
David finds himself a seat next to Ray. Craig just stands there, putting his hands in his pockets. Coming back to reality, Ray’s eyes catch David sitting near him.
Ray: DUDE! I’M NOT LIKE THAT!
David blinks and scoots a few feet away…
David: Uh, okay. What’s going on, Ray?
Ray: Nothing much, just playing as Kuddles the Bear for my big match against my brother for next year…
Craig: Bears can’t wrestle…
Ray snaps his fingers and points upward with his index finger.
Ray: Oh hell no, Kuddles the Bear is the premier wrestler for my brother’s video game fed. Kuddles can also play guitar as a finishing maneuver too!
Ray starts laughing hysterically while David and Craig exchange looks and shake their heads.
Craig: So…Ray…we’re supposed to help you job hunt today, right?
Ray puts the game on pause.
Ray: I don’t know. I think it might cut down my SSI…
David: Oh well…well hey, let’s go to Wal-Mart. Hild gave me a few bucks so I can get my cereal. Wanna come, Ray?
Ray: Sure. I got nothing else to do…
With that, the guys piled into the car and headed to the local Wal-Mart. As they get out, they find a guy, clad in glasses, a gray t-shirt, and blue jeans while dressed in an orange vest, hard at work pushing a large number of carts up the slope towards the store. David, Craig, and Ray come up to the poor fellow.
The cart pusher finally notices this, stops, and wipes the sweat from his brow.
David: Hey Mike, what are you doing?
The stockman blinks at David’s innocent question.
Mike: My job. I push carts around. This sucks. And I only get paid six dollars an hour…
Craig winces.
Craig: Ouch. I feel sorry for you, dude.
Mike: I don’t know, I got nothing else to do.
Ray: You could always play video games.
David examines the long line of carts and puts a hand to his chin. He then kicks them over with a strong kick!
David: Damn you capitalist pigs! To hell with Sam Walton, I want my Cocoa-Puffs!
Mike just stands there quizzically. Then, his eyes light up…
Mike: Whoa. That’s badass…
David: I know. Come join us, come join the Wal-Mart Liberation Front!
Craig: Wow. Something tells me that this is gonna kick us kicked out…
David: Damn Straight!
With that, the four men walk into Wal-Mart. After grabbing his lovely Cocoa-Puffs, David goes blitzkrieg, throwing an old lady into a stack of canned soup!
Old Lady: My hip!
David: And that’s for forsaking your children’s children’s children! You have denied them a free world in which to dance around in meadows of sunflowers and butterflies!
Craig: Dude…
Ray: I thought we were going job hunting, dude…
As the old lady is rolling over, injured and perhaps dying, a Wal-Mart Associate walks up.
Wal-Mart Associate: What is the meaning of this?
Craig: Uh. Join the Wal-Mart Liberation Front?
David: Yes! Viva la Revolution!
David proceeds to throw children’s clothes and tearing blankets out of their packages. The Wal-Mart Associate tries to stop him, but he picks him up over his shoulder and then plants a mean Death Valley Driver! The Associate is near death…
Mike: Uh, I think that was a Department Manager…
Craig shrugs.
Craig: Whole new definition of sticking it to the man…
Ray: DUDE, I CAN MAKE CARL JOHNSON RICH OFF HIS BITCHES!
Mike: Ray, I played Dead Rising the other day----
Ray: DUDE, YOU CAN GO SABU ON THOSE ZOMBIES!
Craig and Mike exchange looks and shakes their heads, as David continues to destroy the store around him…
Craig: I seriously think David’s a subliminal Communist.
Mike: No, I think he’s just pissed off.
After a few minutes, tons of Wal-Mart employees show up as David starts going “Sabu” on people, tossing chairs, microwaves, anything David could get his hands on. However, David loses the battle due to the numerical superiority of the Associates as we find ourselves outside of the store as the four men are seated outside…
Craig: Look what you did, David…You got us kicked out of Wal-Mart!
Ray: Eh…I shop at Gamestop for my video games anyways.
Mike: I lost my job due to this. Oh well, no more pushing carts for me. Now I can develop an education and go thousands of dollars into debt because of college loans.
David: At least I still have my Cocoa-Puffs…
David pulls the cereal box out of thin air. Mike and Craig groan, Ray is clueless, and that’s the end of our story!
Okay, okay...I know this is completely unnecessary. But this is just to fill people in about the Wal-Mart incident described in my Q&A.
I can't believe that I had a camera crew with me.
So...from my days at Yggdrasil Pro, here she is...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The setting starts with David Alastair and Craig Shultz sitting at the kitchen table. David is eating Cocoa Puffs cereal while Craig is reading the Sports Section of the newspaper.
Craig: Bah! The Yankees win again, and the Cubs are the basement bitches of the NL Central, and my butt itches!
David looks up while hovering over his bowl of cereal.
David: Too much info. And you should also know that I’m a Mets fan.
Craig: STFU, dude. Besides, Ray has to do some job hunting today and we have to help him out.
David proceeds to look into the box for more cereal. He gasps and then slams the box down. Craig cocks an eyebrow…
Craig: What the hell is your problem?
David gets teary-eyed. His eyes getting big and sad, like that of a lost puppy dog.
David: No more Co...coa... Puffs…*mumble mumble mumble*… HILD! (my manager at the time...)
With this, Hild walks into the room, her platinum hair in a sleeping cap while dressed in pajamas with little devils on them. She looks a little irritated as she wipes the sleep from her eyes.
Hild: What the hell do you want?!
David: I ran out of Cocoa Puffs, get me more!
Hild groans.
Hild: You woke me up from my lovely sleep consisting of nightmares and impulses of the French Reign of Terror for this?
David nods as Craig continues to read the paper.
Hild: Can’t you just go to the store? Besides, doesn’t Ray have to go job hunting today?
David: I don’t know. My head has imploded.
Craig: Errrr….yeah. Whatever, man. C’mon, let’s go help ole Ray out…
David sighs as both men walk out of the kitchen. Hild waves the two off.
Hild: Ta-ta, you two!
Once she is left in the kitchen by herself, she angrily flips the bird.
Now, we find ourselves in a quaint room. Home of a 180 pound, gamer kid of Polynesian decent so to speak... David and Craig walk into the room, managing to avoid stepping on anything that Ray left on the floor. Ray doesn’t notice them coming in, as he is zoned out while playing Fire Pro Wrestling.
Ray: Demon Child of the Apocalypse! Angela’s friend Edge and Lita must perish at the hands of Samoa Joe!
David finds himself a seat next to Ray. Craig just stands there, putting his hands in his pockets. Coming back to reality, Ray’s eyes catch David sitting near him.
Ray: DUDE! I’M NOT LIKE THAT!
David blinks and scoots a few feet away…
David: Uh, okay. What’s going on, Ray?
Ray: Nothing much, just playing as Kuddles the Bear for my big match against my brother for next year…
Craig: Bears can’t wrestle…
Ray snaps his fingers and points upward with his index finger.
Ray: Oh hell no, Kuddles the Bear is the premier wrestler for my brother’s video game fed. Kuddles can also play guitar as a finishing maneuver too!
Ray starts laughing hysterically while David and Craig exchange looks and shake their heads.
Craig: So…Ray…we’re supposed to help you job hunt today, right?
Ray puts the game on pause.
Ray: I don’t know. I think it might cut down my SSI…
David: Oh well…well hey, let’s go to Wal-Mart. Hild gave me a few bucks so I can get my cereal. Wanna come, Ray?
Ray: Sure. I got nothing else to do…
With that, the guys piled into the car and headed to the local Wal-Mart. As they get out, they find a guy, clad in glasses, a gray t-shirt, and blue jeans while dressed in an orange vest, hard at work pushing a large number of carts up the slope towards the store. David, Craig, and Ray come up to the poor fellow.
The cart pusher finally notices this, stops, and wipes the sweat from his brow.
David: Hey Mike, what are you doing?
The stockman blinks at David’s innocent question.
Mike: My job. I push carts around. This sucks. And I only get paid six dollars an hour…
Craig winces.
Craig: Ouch. I feel sorry for you, dude.
Mike: I don’t know, I got nothing else to do.
Ray: You could always play video games.
David examines the long line of carts and puts a hand to his chin. He then kicks them over with a strong kick!
David: Damn you capitalist pigs! To hell with Sam Walton, I want my Cocoa-Puffs!
Mike just stands there quizzically. Then, his eyes light up…
Mike: Whoa. That’s badass…
David: I know. Come join us, come join the Wal-Mart Liberation Front!
Craig: Wow. Something tells me that this is gonna kick us kicked out…
David: Damn Straight!
With that, the four men walk into Wal-Mart. After grabbing his lovely Cocoa-Puffs, David goes blitzkrieg, throwing an old lady into a stack of canned soup!
Old Lady: My hip!
David: And that’s for forsaking your children’s children’s children! You have denied them a free world in which to dance around in meadows of sunflowers and butterflies!
Craig: Dude…
Ray: I thought we were going job hunting, dude…
As the old lady is rolling over, injured and perhaps dying, a Wal-Mart Associate walks up.
Wal-Mart Associate: What is the meaning of this?
Craig: Uh. Join the Wal-Mart Liberation Front?
David: Yes! Viva la Revolution!
David proceeds to throw children’s clothes and tearing blankets out of their packages. The Wal-Mart Associate tries to stop him, but he picks him up over his shoulder and then plants a mean Death Valley Driver! The Associate is near death…
Mike: Uh, I think that was a Department Manager…
Craig shrugs.
Craig: Whole new definition of sticking it to the man…
Ray: DUDE, I CAN MAKE CARL JOHNSON RICH OFF HIS BITCHES!
Mike: Ray, I played Dead Rising the other day----
Ray: DUDE, YOU CAN GO SABU ON THOSE ZOMBIES!
Craig and Mike exchange looks and shakes their heads, as David continues to destroy the store around him…
Craig: I seriously think David’s a subliminal Communist.
Mike: No, I think he’s just pissed off.
After a few minutes, tons of Wal-Mart employees show up as David starts going “Sabu” on people, tossing chairs, microwaves, anything David could get his hands on. However, David loses the battle due to the numerical superiority of the Associates as we find ourselves outside of the store as the four men are seated outside…
Craig: Look what you did, David…You got us kicked out of Wal-Mart!
Ray: Eh…I shop at Gamestop for my video games anyways.
Mike: I lost my job due to this. Oh well, no more pushing carts for me. Now I can develop an education and go thousands of dollars into debt because of college loans.
David: At least I still have my Cocoa-Puffs…
David pulls the cereal box out of thin air. Mike and Craig groan, Ray is clueless, and that’s the end of our story!
