Post by Joey Flash on Jan 17, 2016 6:13:18 GMT -5
Sunday is Funday!
Joseph Malignaggi is stood next a completely plain white backdrop, the camera begins rolling.
Joseph: This, my friends is a completely no frills promo against a completely no frills set of opponents. It’s like I’ve walked into the bargain bucket section of the ‘Meaningless match’ store and picked out the last two opponents left.
Oblivion…sorry, OblivSEAon, and his #BeachKrew partner Kyle Kemp.
This is fucking embarrassing for you guys, like seriously. #BeachKrew, what happened guys? You’ve gone from dominant stable to a complete fucking joke. I’ve destroyed you two weeks in a row, I think I’ve come to a conclusion about this group: You completely, utterly, fucking suck. Not just suck, but REALLY suck, your record against me is Gemini Battle-esque in its mediocrity. The most galling part for you guys is that you are throwing different rotations of enemies at me every damn week and I’m still absolutely mopping you, it’s kinda ridiculous at this point. It’s like I’m just running up and down the same area of a map and keep getting the same weak as shit enemies respawning.
A wild Oblivion appeared
Oblivion attacks with IMPLIED RAPE OF WIFE
It wasn’t very effective.
Joseph Malignaggi used MOCK MEDIOCRE WRESTLING SKILL
It was SUPER EFFECTIVE.
Oblivion used LONG DIVISION
Oblivion became CONFUSED
Oblivion used ‘WATCH ME WHIP, WATCH ME NAE…’
Oblivion became A HUGE EMBARASSMENT to #BeachKrew, how long is this going to continue Oblivion, week after week you’re doing absolutely nothing but making your fellow team mates look like absolutely trash…well, I am too, but reminder: they really fucking suck. When is this charade going to end? When is someone going to nut up and kick your ass to the curb? You, the great ‘monster’ is being captured, tortured and made to look like an absolute clown by a random woman, it’s fucking pathetic. You should be ashamed, #BeachKrew should be ashamed of even being associated with the likes of you, are you even still together as a team? It seems rather than kicking your sorry ass out, they are just…slowly distancing themselves from you. Maybe it’s for the best; they probably expect you to just forget you are part of the team and stop showing up at their little clubhouse. If you ever wander past you’ll see a big sign ‘NO OBLIVIONS’. If it were me? I’d throw you a beating so bad you’d become a sane well-conditioned member of society again and tell you in no uncertain terms how much of an embarrassment you are, the damage you’ve done to the image of the stable, the damage you’ve done to the legacy…
Ah who am I kidding, in two months people will forget you were even ever a member. THAT is how truly unmemorable your run has been, you’ve been the biggest net negative to any faction ever…and yet you’ve done so utterly little of note either way that you won’t even so much as get a page in the #BeachKrew biographies written. There will be a small blank two line space where your highlights as a member of #BeachKrew will be listed. The list is a short and simple one.
1. Oblivion once did the Nae Nae in front of #BeachKrew members for their mocking delight.
THAT is your biggest highlight as part of the group…and I fucking made it up!
You have the exact same story cycle every other month it’s as if you’re Bill Murray waiting for Punxsutawney Phil: Feud with Bonnie Blue/Johnny Reb – Katherine Phoenix feud – Join another terrible stable that has no chance of making its mark in the business. Rinse and repeat ad naseum. I’d tell you to change shit up, I’d tell you to give it up, but you won’t, you can’t. Even at THAT level you are getting slain every single week, so how can anyone have any hopes for anything new or special from you? This old dog is finished, you’re like Steve Orbit’s merchandise, only good for one trick.
Joseph stretches and smiles, this piece of extraneous information is given to you in order to separate the parts of the shoot. Time to kill Kemp.
Joseph: So we come once more to Mr Kyle Kemp. As far as one trick ponies go, you might just well take the fucking cake. In the past two weeks you’ve been bodied with such great ease that I really don’t know how you’re even still alive right now, if I were you if I’d have strung myself up backstage and kicked the chair from under my feet letting natural selection take its course. I really don’t know what keeps you going Kyle? Do you feel like you owe something to these people?
Do you feel like you owe something to Oblivion? What has he ever done for you? Where is Oblivion’s loyalty to you? He probably hasn’t as much as said five words to you since he tenuously joined #BeachKrew, so why are you put in this position? Why are you in this position to have to fight tooth and nail alongside a much lesser partner to try and carry the pair of you to a stage where you won’t get embarrassed in this match? You have to do all the heavy lifting in this match, why is this? Why do YOU put up with it Kyle?
When did you last have a singles match that wasn’t for the People’s Title? This is your reality. What was such an amazing, promising career has turned into bog standard tag team wrestler. You have only one of two roles each week.
1) Be carried by a superior team mate like the slightly less terrible Johnny Rabid to a win.
2) Carry a mediocre opponent like Oblivion to not being absolutely whitewashed in a match like this.
I’d laugh if it wasn’t so pathetic. It’s your own design though Kemp, you have absolutely no balls. You are happy to be just meandering along in meaningless match after meaningless match. What’s your end goal? What are your dreams? I don’t know, the fans don’t know, do YOU even know at this point Kyle? You are content. That is the worst thing for any wrestler in this company to be.
‘I’m better than you’
You trot this out every week as a crutch. You’re not even willing to test this out. You want to say you’re better than ANYONE? Prove it. Make a statement. You have absolutely no wins of worth on your record right now. This, Kemp, isn’t going to be one of those. You won’t fluke a win over me and Jenson this week. Shit, you wouldn’t even be able to beat Jenson one on one at this point. He is better than you; he’s had more success than you. Add me to the match? The single greatest talent in this companies storied history? It no longer remains fair, this shit isn’t even a match anymore. There is no proving you’re ‘better’ than anyone. All you have to prove in this match is whether you can finish the match still fucking breathing.
So let’s get it. The fuckboy genocide continues.
3-0 over #BeachKrew after this week is done…
Joey smiles.
Joseph: …and you people thought #BeachKrew would be a challenge to me. Bodybags on deck, you’re finished.
Joseph Malignaggi is stood next a completely plain white backdrop, the camera begins rolling.
Joseph: This, my friends is a completely no frills promo against a completely no frills set of opponents. It’s like I’ve walked into the bargain bucket section of the ‘Meaningless match’ store and picked out the last two opponents left.
Oblivion…sorry, OblivSEAon, and his #BeachKrew partner Kyle Kemp.
This is fucking embarrassing for you guys, like seriously. #BeachKrew, what happened guys? You’ve gone from dominant stable to a complete fucking joke. I’ve destroyed you two weeks in a row, I think I’ve come to a conclusion about this group: You completely, utterly, fucking suck. Not just suck, but REALLY suck, your record against me is Gemini Battle-esque in its mediocrity. The most galling part for you guys is that you are throwing different rotations of enemies at me every damn week and I’m still absolutely mopping you, it’s kinda ridiculous at this point. It’s like I’m just running up and down the same area of a map and keep getting the same weak as shit enemies respawning.
A wild Oblivion appeared
Oblivion attacks with IMPLIED RAPE OF WIFE
It wasn’t very effective.
Joseph Malignaggi used MOCK MEDIOCRE WRESTLING SKILL
It was SUPER EFFECTIVE.
Oblivion used LONG DIVISION
Oblivion became CONFUSED
Oblivion used ‘WATCH ME WHIP, WATCH ME NAE…’
Oblivion became A HUGE EMBARASSMENT to #BeachKrew, how long is this going to continue Oblivion, week after week you’re doing absolutely nothing but making your fellow team mates look like absolutely trash…well, I am too, but reminder: they really fucking suck. When is this charade going to end? When is someone going to nut up and kick your ass to the curb? You, the great ‘monster’ is being captured, tortured and made to look like an absolute clown by a random woman, it’s fucking pathetic. You should be ashamed, #BeachKrew should be ashamed of even being associated with the likes of you, are you even still together as a team? It seems rather than kicking your sorry ass out, they are just…slowly distancing themselves from you. Maybe it’s for the best; they probably expect you to just forget you are part of the team and stop showing up at their little clubhouse. If you ever wander past you’ll see a big sign ‘NO OBLIVIONS’. If it were me? I’d throw you a beating so bad you’d become a sane well-conditioned member of society again and tell you in no uncertain terms how much of an embarrassment you are, the damage you’ve done to the image of the stable, the damage you’ve done to the legacy…
Ah who am I kidding, in two months people will forget you were even ever a member. THAT is how truly unmemorable your run has been, you’ve been the biggest net negative to any faction ever…and yet you’ve done so utterly little of note either way that you won’t even so much as get a page in the #BeachKrew biographies written. There will be a small blank two line space where your highlights as a member of #BeachKrew will be listed. The list is a short and simple one.
1. Oblivion once did the Nae Nae in front of #BeachKrew members for their mocking delight.
THAT is your biggest highlight as part of the group…and I fucking made it up!
You have the exact same story cycle every other month it’s as if you’re Bill Murray waiting for Punxsutawney Phil: Feud with Bonnie Blue/Johnny Reb – Katherine Phoenix feud – Join another terrible stable that has no chance of making its mark in the business. Rinse and repeat ad naseum. I’d tell you to change shit up, I’d tell you to give it up, but you won’t, you can’t. Even at THAT level you are getting slain every single week, so how can anyone have any hopes for anything new or special from you? This old dog is finished, you’re like Steve Orbit’s merchandise, only good for one trick.
Joseph stretches and smiles, this piece of extraneous information is given to you in order to separate the parts of the shoot. Time to kill Kemp.
Joseph: So we come once more to Mr Kyle Kemp. As far as one trick ponies go, you might just well take the fucking cake. In the past two weeks you’ve been bodied with such great ease that I really don’t know how you’re even still alive right now, if I were you if I’d have strung myself up backstage and kicked the chair from under my feet letting natural selection take its course. I really don’t know what keeps you going Kyle? Do you feel like you owe something to these people?
Do you feel like you owe something to Oblivion? What has he ever done for you? Where is Oblivion’s loyalty to you? He probably hasn’t as much as said five words to you since he tenuously joined #BeachKrew, so why are you put in this position? Why are you in this position to have to fight tooth and nail alongside a much lesser partner to try and carry the pair of you to a stage where you won’t get embarrassed in this match? You have to do all the heavy lifting in this match, why is this? Why do YOU put up with it Kyle?
When did you last have a singles match that wasn’t for the People’s Title? This is your reality. What was such an amazing, promising career has turned into bog standard tag team wrestler. You have only one of two roles each week.
1) Be carried by a superior team mate like the slightly less terrible Johnny Rabid to a win.
2) Carry a mediocre opponent like Oblivion to not being absolutely whitewashed in a match like this.
I’d laugh if it wasn’t so pathetic. It’s your own design though Kemp, you have absolutely no balls. You are happy to be just meandering along in meaningless match after meaningless match. What’s your end goal? What are your dreams? I don’t know, the fans don’t know, do YOU even know at this point Kyle? You are content. That is the worst thing for any wrestler in this company to be.
‘I’m better than you’
You trot this out every week as a crutch. You’re not even willing to test this out. You want to say you’re better than ANYONE? Prove it. Make a statement. You have absolutely no wins of worth on your record right now. This, Kemp, isn’t going to be one of those. You won’t fluke a win over me and Jenson this week. Shit, you wouldn’t even be able to beat Jenson one on one at this point. He is better than you; he’s had more success than you. Add me to the match? The single greatest talent in this companies storied history? It no longer remains fair, this shit isn’t even a match anymore. There is no proving you’re ‘better’ than anyone. All you have to prove in this match is whether you can finish the match still fucking breathing.
So let’s get it. The fuckboy genocide continues.
3-0 over #BeachKrew after this week is done…
Joey smiles.
Joseph: …and you people thought #BeachKrew would be a challenge to me. Bodybags on deck, you’re finished.
