Post by Sandra "Sandy Coconutz" Cooper on Jan 8, 2016 21:09:29 GMT -5
RP1
WCF Slam
Jayson Price
vs.
Sandy Coconutz
____________________________
Chapter I: Shakespeare and a Fevah
:: Somewhere, southwest of time in a land that most have forgotten about sat a man at a best in a tall tower, slightly larger than the one next to it with a billboard on top of the roof like a cherry that read “ Suck a dick, Seth ( MINE ).” It was all neon and shit. Very swanky. Inside the mad man scribbled his confessions, schemes and scams. But as of that moment in time, I had no idea.
Me? I was in North Carolina. I do my best to follow tour dates and booking to coincide with my hosting gigs. Go to a town, host a club; rinse repeat. It was odd however that at this club, The Emerald Lounge, had a letter for me.
So like, hold up. Who writes letters? Who addresses things and puts them in envelops and sends them to people. My dad does that and he’s old. If it ain’t Netflicks and Chill, a girl just ain’t got time for that. But I swing inside the small manangers office in the club with this yellow envelop in hand. North Face and Uggs be rockin; Chai latte be turnt a bitch up in here. I sit down in that little swizzle chair and rocked back and forth for a moment, tapping the letter on the desk in front of me. Like, do I open it? Could be that Anthrax. This could be like 9/11 but for white women. I ain’t about to get a powdered Bill Cosby. I wasn’t about that life. I hesitated, but screw it. YOLO bitches! I take the letter out and start reading:
My dearest and fairest. I dream about you every night and I’d be lying to say that I don’t spank it and crank it to your .. coconutz.
Alright… I’ll just be filing this under G. Wait, hand on. He signed it? J. P. EWWW-EWW-EWEWEWEWEW-EWWWW. Gross. Terrible, horrible, ugh, I think I can taste it. I don’t even want to crumple it. I don’t even want to touch it. To think that he wants to… touch, EW! Sandra, no. No. Just don’t think about it. Its bad enough you have to wrestle him.
Its ok though, my side bitch, Shayna was there to help me through it. I bring her everywhere. Shes my +2. Second on to Jesus. Love you Jesus xoxo. ::
“ Girl, don’t sweat it. He’s just thirsty. They always be thirsty. You used to that.” Shayna tryin to put in work on the best friend game.
“ Right, Shay, like I know but like, ew. Have you seen him? Like, really, looked his mole face and his body of a twelve year old covered in that fan tan spray. And to think he wants to his his [ gulp ] in my vagina? No one puts anything in my vagina unless I want them too. Welcome to 2016. Hellooo…. Like, Jay Price. No. But I ain’t no college kid who needs a safe space. I’ll hand that in the ring. But if he wants to get fresh I’ll break it off and make his mama feed it to him. Be playin the airplane game with his peter peckah.”
“ But, Sandra, what he tries to slip you a B.C.? Get you all Micky’d up.”
“ I don’t think he’d do that, but I wouldn’t put it past him. Besides, Andre will whoop his azz. Or J. Tibbs. Worse comes to worse, I think Wade my kill someone for me. I’m the only one in the Krew who hasn’t used that “ one favor “ yet. Hopefully for Prices sake, I won’t need to. I think ya girls got this on her own. I’ll just wrap my tighs around his neck, give a taste of the glory and spike his head down so hard into the mat that he’ll think hes Caitlyn Jenner. Now holla at cha girl!”
WCF Slam
Jayson Price
vs.
Sandy Coconutz
____________________________
Chapter I: Shakespeare and a Fevah
:: Somewhere, southwest of time in a land that most have forgotten about sat a man at a best in a tall tower, slightly larger than the one next to it with a billboard on top of the roof like a cherry that read “ Suck a dick, Seth ( MINE ).” It was all neon and shit. Very swanky. Inside the mad man scribbled his confessions, schemes and scams. But as of that moment in time, I had no idea.
Me? I was in North Carolina. I do my best to follow tour dates and booking to coincide with my hosting gigs. Go to a town, host a club; rinse repeat. It was odd however that at this club, The Emerald Lounge, had a letter for me.
So like, hold up. Who writes letters? Who addresses things and puts them in envelops and sends them to people. My dad does that and he’s old. If it ain’t Netflicks and Chill, a girl just ain’t got time for that. But I swing inside the small manangers office in the club with this yellow envelop in hand. North Face and Uggs be rockin; Chai latte be turnt a bitch up in here. I sit down in that little swizzle chair and rocked back and forth for a moment, tapping the letter on the desk in front of me. Like, do I open it? Could be that Anthrax. This could be like 9/11 but for white women. I ain’t about to get a powdered Bill Cosby. I wasn’t about that life. I hesitated, but screw it. YOLO bitches! I take the letter out and start reading:
My dearest and fairest. I dream about you every night and I’d be lying to say that I don’t spank it and crank it to your .. coconutz.
Alright… I’ll just be filing this under G. Wait, hand on. He signed it? J. P. EWWW-EWW-EWEWEWEWEW-EWWWW. Gross. Terrible, horrible, ugh, I think I can taste it. I don’t even want to crumple it. I don’t even want to touch it. To think that he wants to… touch, EW! Sandra, no. No. Just don’t think about it. Its bad enough you have to wrestle him.
Its ok though, my side bitch, Shayna was there to help me through it. I bring her everywhere. Shes my +2. Second on to Jesus. Love you Jesus xoxo. ::
“ Girl, don’t sweat it. He’s just thirsty. They always be thirsty. You used to that.” Shayna tryin to put in work on the best friend game.
“ Right, Shay, like I know but like, ew. Have you seen him? Like, really, looked his mole face and his body of a twelve year old covered in that fan tan spray. And to think he wants to his his [ gulp ] in my vagina? No one puts anything in my vagina unless I want them too. Welcome to 2016. Hellooo…. Like, Jay Price. No. But I ain’t no college kid who needs a safe space. I’ll hand that in the ring. But if he wants to get fresh I’ll break it off and make his mama feed it to him. Be playin the airplane game with his peter peckah.”
“ But, Sandra, what he tries to slip you a B.C.? Get you all Micky’d up.”
“ I don’t think he’d do that, but I wouldn’t put it past him. Besides, Andre will whoop his azz. Or J. Tibbs. Worse comes to worse, I think Wade my kill someone for me. I’m the only one in the Krew who hasn’t used that “ one favor “ yet. Hopefully for Prices sake, I won’t need to. I think ya girls got this on her own. I’ll just wrap my tighs around his neck, give a taste of the glory and spike his head down so hard into the mat that he’ll think hes Caitlyn Jenner. Now holla at cha girl!”
