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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2016 15:27:16 GMT -5
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Lilith
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Post by Lilith on Jan 7, 2016 18:11:30 GMT -5
It was good stuff Dag  I enjoyed reading it and it had a good flow to it. I kinda expected you to have mentioned the new management mistreating you thing... but aside from that it was good stuff |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2016 18:18:21 GMT -5
That's good to hear. Hopefully I managed to make Dag even more hateable despite the stories he told. If I accomplished that then I can say the promo was a succss.
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Lilith
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Post by Lilith on Jan 7, 2016 18:22:57 GMT -5
Oh yeah Dag is a very hateable character for sure lol I'd just like get to know him more on a personal level. Like... how is he feeling that he isnt getting paid this month? I'd imagine he'd be kinda pissed off, which would be reflected in the way he acts with others and would even maybe alter the way he cuts promos etc  You've got the shoot and the hate now you just need to make the reader care... if that makes sense |
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Post by Gemini Battle on Jan 7, 2016 18:38:43 GMT -5
Oh yeah Dag is a very hateable character for sure lol I'd just like get to know him more on a personal level. Like... how is he feeling that he isnt getting paid this month? I'd imagine he'd be kinda pissed off, which would be reflected in the way he acts with others and would even maybe alter the way he cuts promos etc You've got the shoot and the hate now you just need to make the reader care... if that makes sense Stop trying to get your own angle over! |
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Post by Gemini Battle on Jan 7, 2016 18:38:53 GMT -5
Jk
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Lilith
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Post by Lilith on Jan 7, 2016 18:40:38 GMT -5
Oh yeah Dag is a very hateable character for sure lol I'd just like get to know him more on a personal level. Like... how is he feeling that he isnt getting paid this month? I'd imagine he'd be kinda pissed off, which would be reflected in the way he acts with others and would even maybe alter the way he cuts promos etc You've got the shoot and the hate now you just need to make the reader care... if that makes sense Stop trying to get your own angle over! Hahahaha shhhhh your noise clown boy ....or former clown boy... whatever  |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2016 18:42:01 GMT -5
Oh yeah Dag is a very hateable character for sure lol I'd just like get to know him more on a personal level. Like... how is he feeling that he isnt getting paid this month? I'd imagine he'd be kinda pissed off, which would be reflected in the way he acts with others and would even maybe alter the way he cuts promos etc You've got the shoot and the hate now you just need to make the reader care... if that makes sense Stop trying to get your own angle over! LOL! Gemwire the G.O.A.T. |
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Lilith
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Post by Lilith on Jan 7, 2016 18:44:48 GMT -5
I'm just sayinggggggg you need to sell shit and follow on from whats happened to your character even if its a brief mention. Unbelievable |
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Post by Gemini Battle on Jan 7, 2016 18:52:55 GMT -5
I'm just sayinggggggg you need to sell shit and follow on from whats happened to your character even if its a brief mention. Unbelievable I actually agree with this. It helps all angles flow. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2016 19:16:02 GMT -5
She's right, but I couldn't find a way to put it in there.
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Lilith
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Post by Lilith on Jan 7, 2016 19:20:25 GMT -5
She's right, but I couldn't find a way to put it in there. Its cool Dag, you'll get there eventually. I dig the character you've created thus far for sure... I'd just like to see more of him. What makes him tick? Who is he? Wheres he come from? Whats his favorite color... etc etc etc Also try not to make him some unstoppable, uncaring, flawless monster heel. All heels (and faces) have a weakness of some kind My character has more weaknesses than she has strengths lol |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2016 19:31:58 GMT -5
Yeah I tried to put over his cluelessness and inability to talk to women like a normal person as a flaw. There'll be some hypocrisy in there,plus I have an interesting angle I'll be working into him sometime soon. It'll explain a lot of things, like how he affords that estate and why he's really in WCF.
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Post by Joey Flash on Jan 8, 2016 3:42:01 GMT -5
Dag Riddik Celestin' with his style!!!!!!!!
RIP CELESTE!!!!!!!!
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Lilith
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Post by Lilith on Jan 8, 2016 7:29:14 GMT -5
Dag Riddik Celestin' with his style!!!!!!!! RIP CELESTE!!!!!!!! I... I dont get it. P.S. Bring back Celeste!!!!!!! |
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Post by Gemini Battle on Jan 10, 2016 9:57:33 GMT -5
Dag.
My opinion? Not the opinion of the masses.
Posting pictures indicates that you're unable to describe things vividly enough. Not saying it's true just saying it gives a false assumption of your scenery.
Pictures are good for comedy purposes or to get a point across but a picture of a hot chick simply described as the most beautiful woman you've ever seen seems lazy to me
Just being harsh. I personally love the prose style writing as opposed to script writing. Wish I could do it myself.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2016 11:52:03 GMT -5
Dag. My opinion? Not the opinion of the masses. Posting pictures indicates that you're unable to describe things vividly enough. Not saying it's true just saying it gives a false assumption of your scenery. Pictures are good for comedy purposes or to get a point across but a picture of a hot chick simply described as the most beautiful woman you've ever seen seems lazy to me Just being harsh. I personally love the prose style writing as opposed to script writing. Wish I could do it myself. You actually have a good point. I honestly didn't think like that when I did it; I thought it was a good idea at the time. Obviously I don't want to seem lazy, so, no more pictures I guess, I'll just have to suck it up and describe like everyone else. I won't tell you I enjoy describing things and I'm good at it, I'll just wait for the next opportunity to prove such. Thanks for providing your viewpoint. |
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Post by Gemini Battle on Jan 10, 2016 12:35:31 GMT -5
I'm terrible at it. Def my weak point. Takes practice
Read Bonnie and dune. No one does it better than them.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2016 22:40:35 GMT -5
Would anyone like to tell me what's wrong with this picture?  |
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Post by lost on Jan 10, 2016 22:43:23 GMT -5
Conductors don't work on docks?
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I enjoyed reading it and it had a good flow to it. I kinda expected you to have mentioned the new management mistreating you thing... but aside from that it was good stuff 
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