"Moor" Reviews!

[Wade Moor]

So I want to take a crack at something: I feel like I've collected a bevy of knowledge at this game we play, and my comprehension of wrestling in general, to try my hand at reviews!

I used to go through and review the shows, which was a lot of fun and everyone seemed to enjoy it, but the process was pretty taxing along with writing roleplays.

So instead I'm going to do seperate reviews. These can be range between anything from promos, show segments, or just general character reviews!

A few things:

- I can only accept about 3-5 personal requests (one per person) depending on what they are. This is to prevent any kind of burn out on my part so I can keep doing them and you guys can continue using it as long as possible!

- I will only do the same person once in a row so I can reach out to as many people as possible! That's not to say I won't ever do you again. Probably just not two weeks in a row.

- reviews probably won't be released in the order they're requested. It all depends on the amount of time I have haha.

- in the spirit of transparency, reviews will be postee right here in the thread. This is so people can chime in if they have something they might want to offer up in the way of feedback, or if they want to tell me my advice is shit If you don't want your review posted on the boards, just specify that you would like it in a PM.

- General Disclaimer: this is all one man's opinion. I can't guarentee any kind of victory with my advice. Seth is the #1 judge LOL. All that good stuff!

So uh...without any further ado...hit me up with requests

[Earth-616 Holmes]

Umm. Hopefully I understand what you mean.

Just three reviews.

I want your review of the storytelling of the United Stated Championship Match at One.

The review of Teo Del Sol against Kyle Kemp in general. (Loved that match.)

And characters? Well. Use me. I just help you test this out.

[Wade Moor]

I meant more in regards to personal requests, so you would request a review of your promo, or your segment. Something like that.

[Wade Moor]

Dec 29, 2015 17:45:20 GMT -5 Earth-616 Holmes said:

Umm. Hopefully I understand what you mean.

Just three reviews.

I want your review of the storytelling of the United Stated Championship Match at One.

The review of Teo Del Sol against Kyle Kemp in general. (Loved that match.)

And characters? Well. Use me. I just help you test this out.

So from this, I could review the match you wrote or your character. I wouldn't want to go critiquing somebody elses work unless they asked me what I thought haha.

[Earth-616 Holmes]

Dec 29, 2015 17:49:33 GMT -5 Wade Moor said:

I meant more in regards to personal requests, so you would request a review of your promo, or your segment. Something like that.

Oh mb. Well then two. The "I finally understand why they call it One" promo as a whole, and Andre Holmes' character growth.

[Wade Moor]

On deck man!

[Deleted]

The Spencer Adams character. I'd love to hear the world champyun go over some of my strengths and weaknesses and things I'm doing with the character or have done.

[Wade Moor]

Heard!

So far I have Andre, Spence, and another in PM, so I can probably do one more!

[Greybeard]

I'd request for my last rp, "Wise Council"

[Teo Blaze]

If anyone wants to talk about Teo\Kemp, I would love to hear what people thought lol.

If there's nothing more pressing, of course. It's a bit of a monster lol.

[Wade Moor]

Dec 29, 2015 20:01:27 GMT -5 Greybeard said:

I'd request for my last rp, "Wise Council"

First review guys! Hope this helps Greybeard!

Review of Greybeard - "Wise Council"

Ok, I'll start this review off by saying that you are one funny guy GB. The dry sense of humor atop the buffoonery made me chuckle aloud once, twice, a thousand times. Something like that. I'm lowballing. It's obvious you have fun writing for your character and it unfolds on the page.

That being said, there are still a few things that this promo left to be desired. You nailed all of your inportant story points on the head (Lute Boy's kidnapping, Al's constant mistakes, Greybeards trepidation, Stampy's villiany, etc.) but some facets of them felt...a little rushed?

Give the reader a little something to sink their teeth into. We all know Stampy's the bastard evil that kidnapped Greybeard's best friend, but what are his motivations for doing so? Other than to make Greybeard's life miserable? You might have gone over this in an earlier promo, but a first time reader might not have any frame of reference. These plots should be ever expanding and constantly evolving.

Something as simple as a scene from Stampy and Lute Boy's perspective could be a game changer. You had this match and created this feud, but nobody could really get invested in it because there's really no exposure, so people might not be aware of the stakes.

Your character lives in this world where it's half fantasy, half reality. Greybeard may know his convictions, but to everyone else he COULD come off as a joke character. I feel like, at this point, you've done what you can to introduce Greybeard. Now you have to give him something real. Give him an edge like that steel sided blade he carries! Give him a solid feud with another handler here, and maybe a makeover.

But like I've always said bro, write what you want to write! If you're having fun, then no sweat! These are just my opinions on a few things that could improve the overall story and the character's role in WCF!

[Greybeard]

Dec 31, 2015 17:32:42 GMT -5 Wade Moor said:

Dec 29, 2015 20:01:27 GMT -5 Greybeard said:

I'd request for my last rp, "Wise Council"

First review guys! Hope this helps Greybeard!

Review of Greybeard - "Wise Council"

Ok, I'll start this review off by saying that you are one funny guy GB. The dry sense of humor atop the buffoonery made me chuckle aloud once, twice, a thousand times. Something like that. I'm lowballing. It's obvious you have fun writing for your character and it unfolds on the page.

That being said, there are still a few things that this promo left to be desired. You nailed all of your inportant story points on the head (Lute Boy's kidnapping, Al's constant mistakes, Greybeards trepidation, Stampy's villiany, etc.) but some facets of them felt...a little rushed?

Give the reader a little something to sink their teeth into. We all know Stampy's the bastard evil that kidnapped Greybeard's best friend, but what are his motivations for doing so? Other than to make Greybeard's life miserable? You might have gone over this in an earlier promo, but a first time reader might not have any frame of reference. These plots should be ever expanding and constantly evolving.

Something as simple as a scene from Stampy and Lute Boy's perspective could be a game changer. You had this match and created this feud, but nobody could really get invested in it because there's really no exposure, so people might not be aware of the stakes.

Your character lives in this world where it's half fantasy, half reality. Greybeard may know his convictions, but to everyone else he COULD come off as a joke character. I feel like, at this point, you've done what you can to introduce Greybeard. Now you have to give him something real. Give him an edge like that steel sided blade he carries! Give him a solid feud with another handler here, and maybe a makeover.

But like I've always said bro, write what you want to write! If you're having fun, then no sweat! These are just my opinions on a few things that could improve the overall story and the character's role in WCF!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and I'm gonna incorpoate your notes for sure!  I didn't want to do anything with Stampy because I wanted him to be able to explain his own motivations etc.  He just never wrote the rp like I expected so yeah, it fell a bit flat but I don't blame him.  Thanks again!

[Wade Moor]

Hey, no problem! I wasn't sure if Stampy was played by another handler or if it was a side character you created for the purpose of telling this story, haha. But if it's another handler, you can't be blamed for it!

[Greybeard]

Dec 31, 2015 18:19:47 GMT -5 Wade Moor said:

Hey, no problem! I wasn't sure if Stampy was played by another handler or if it was a side character you created for the purpose of telling this story, haha. But if it's another handler, you can't be blamed for it!

 Indeed it is another handler.  We've been corresponding on how to carry out the feud for the last month.  Sorry for the confusion.

[Wade Moor]

Let me also add: "Moor" shoot! The trash talking aspect of this game is very important. Just find Greybeard's voice and flaunt it.

[Earth-616 Holmes]

Already loving this idea already. Good on ya Wade to help out the new guys. Can't wait for you to do mine. Greybeard, ready for Season 6 of GAME OF THRONES?

[lost]

Nice work as always Wade. Even if you are a Buckeye fan. I suppose I can still like ya.

[Wade Moor]

Dec 31, 2015 18:42:29 GMT -5 lost said:

Nice work as always Wade. Even if you are a Buckeye fan. I suppose I can still like ya.

Is this because of that thing with Michigan? My sincerest apologies

[lost]

Dec 31, 2015 18:53:24 GMT -5 Wade Moor said:

Dec 31, 2015 18:42:29 GMT -5 lost said:

Nice work as always Wade. Even if you are a Buckeye fan. I suppose I can still like ya.

Is this because of that thing with Michigan? My sincerest apologies

Ah haha no sir. I am Buckey Badger fan. Although you ba stars took Antonio williams.

[Wade Moor]

Dec 29, 2015 18:59:00 GMT -5 @analogplanet said:

The Spencer Adams character. I'd love to hear the world champyun go over some of my strengths and weaknesses and things I'm doing with the character or have done.

"My Antidote" - A Review of Spencer Adams!

Review preface:

I really like Spencer Adams. I have a soft spot for him because he reminds me a lot of Colin Marshall and Kaz Mazy. You're doing some pretty awesome things with him that will be remembered along those lines. The TLC match at One is a perfect example of something Spencer Adams will be remembered for. Revitalizing the tag team division - which was in desperate need of it - will be another thing Spencer is remembered for along with Del Sol, Venable, and the rest of the guys putting in work in that area.

RP wise? Your promos are nothing to turn a nose up at. You consistently bring it every week and you're definitely a force to be reckoned with on that front.

But we're talking about your character here, and I can see him falling into some of the same pitfalls that I did as Colin and Kaz.

On Colin: It's a lot to do with character development, especially if you're playing the "cut from the cloth" wrestler. Anyone can come up in the Dub with a character that proclaims they're a great wrestler. They came from the indies and now they're in the big leagues to show the world what's up. What makes Spencer special? What makes him stand out above them all? These are questions that you can only answer yourself.

On Kaz: I fear Spencer may be labeled a "tag team" wrestler, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But knowing you, and knowing Spencer, I know he has bigger dreams than being Tag Team Champion.

On The People's Choice: This is really a solid trio, and I can see you guys taking away the Trios Tourney this year. That being said, there's a little too much mush in the trio. Everything went pretty well in the beginning when they captured the Tag Team and Trios Championship nearly back to back, but it wouldn't hurt to blanket cover paradise in some trouble. This could be something as simple as Spencer questioning if "People Power" is really going to get them as far as they imagined. Spencer has had some things in his life that have attempted to break his spirits. This could be another instance. It's how he combats these feelings and what he does that will define him moving forward.

There is a huge void in the WCF, and that is "Who is the top babyface?". It could arguably be Joey Flash, but I still feel like that character has more redemption to be had before he fills that vacuum. There's so many candidates, but nobody who has really risen up to take that spot. I don't know if people are treading water or they're afraid to fail, but you never know until you take that shot. Just know that there can't be three top babyfaces, haha.

Like I said, I'm a huge fan of Spencer, but right now your talent as a writer is belying your character and I feel there's something...else for you. I want to see your writing chops on full display!

Overall, you have a pretty compelling character. One that I want to personally see make it! Great job Spencer!