ONE Girl

[Sandra "Sandy Coconutz" Cooper]

Chapter I: ONE Girl

“ I’d be lying to the world if I said that I was always a fan of wrestling. I’m not. I’d be lying to the world if I told you stories of how I used to watch wrestling with my grandma and she would scream and yell at the T.V while I dub my elbows into the carpeted floor. I did not. I’d be lying to you if I told you this was my dream. It was not. But I’d also be lying to you if I told you I didn’t love this business. I do. My name is Sandy Coconutz and you, you don’t know. However, I’d like to give you all a little sneak peek.

I’ve been in WCF for some time. I’m friends, good friends with #Beach Krew; we all about that Sealyfe. Sure, I’ve wrestled a few matches. Won some, lost some but I ,mean, like, who hasn’t, right? So here I am at ONE, funny name for a Pay Per View. I’m here, this is great company at their biggest event of the entire year against some ‘tough guys’ and ‘ great wrestlers’ but they don’t know Sandy. And from what I’ve seen, I’m not impressed.

So whats a girl to do in a situation like this? ONE girl against eleven guys? Bitch there ain’t even enough dick between them to wet my horizontal whistle. I mean, like, who are these guys? Deangelo Hall ain’t even a really black guy. And Andre? We tight? We smashed. In fact, that’s whats goin to happen at ONE. Its going to be a SMASH fest. And the only way to satisfy this ONE girl is when that bell rings and I’m shakin my ass for the world to see.”

Peace, love and kisses

- S.C.

____________________

Chapter II: Story of my Life ( Bitch can’t Even)
Club Vision. Down Town L.A


:: I’ve been all over the world, in luxury. I am very grateful for that fact. I am not one of those people who’ve toured the world in a pinto or a tour bus, from motel six to motel six. I haven’t seen the gym of every run down middle school in the country or a bingo hall that time forgot. I made my way by being a hostess. The hostess with da mostess, whoop, whoop. Again, tonight ain’t no different. When I’m not wrestling in W-Sea-F, volunteering or granting Make A Wish, I’m kickin at the club to Shayna, killin it softly with all them tricks N’ good times. You know how we do, yaahhh boiii !! LOL.

Tonight we were at club Vision, hosting a GLOW party. Getting all painted up with those sexy neon colors. Getting on drink on, responsibly. I know too many statistics an I’m not about to be one.

Shay and I were in the bathroom, touchin up dat FLAWLESS, havin a quickie chat over the haps. Club was bumpin, bathroom was crowded but we had to get that look on point. ::

“ OMG!, theres too many people!” Shayna grr’d and huffed with aggravation. “ Bitch, why do you gotta be soo freakin popular?”

“ Because, I’m a good person. We may be friends, Shay but you don’t know me. You don’t know what I do for people. I mean, like, just the other day I was at the childrens hospital reading them stories and playing games. I’m not just a face with a front and rear view. Like, EW, please. I’m a better person than that.”

“ So then, like, why do you keep the wrestling thing?” Shayna puckered her lips and pressed in that lip gloss.

“ I do it because I love the people. I love seeing new places and its fun to get my hands dirty every once and a while.”

“ And your kneeeeeess” Shayna joked, elbowing me right in the tit.

“ Only Tibs. Oh, and Andre. But that doesn’t count. I was too drunk. I’m not about that life but what ahya gonna do? But I mean, like, you cant have standards like that. So you just gotta keep on movin forward. “

“ Right, Ms. Femi-gressive.” Shayna mocked.

“ UGH! You know I hate that term. I’m not a feminist. There is nothing wrong with wanted to be treated fairly and having a healthly love life.”

“ LOL, Sandy, I think your love life is healthy enough for the both of us.”

“ Ya know what, bitch; ya damn right. You can’t even get half of what I can get. I mean like, hows the art work going? Having fun in your studio apartment with your skuzzzie roommate? Now that chicks a Fem.She don’t shower, she don’t shave- like I cant even. How do you get respect when you cant even take care of yourself? It’s people like that who ruin what I’m trying to do for our gender. And that’s another thing; I wrestle because a women is just as good as a man. Hell, I’m better than all of the guys in this match. “

“ You’re impossible, Sandra. I just wish you’d give that life up.” Shay throws her lips gloss into her purse and marches out of the bathroom, like who the fuck does she think she is? She don’t know me.

“ Because, Shay-“ I whisper to myself. “ I just can’t.”

:: It was going to be a long couple of hours at the club. Shay never liked my wrestling but it was something that I grew to love. I may not have always been a fan but I’m hooked now. It was something special and it was a part of me. It touched me in ways that no one ever has; perhaps ever will. ::


_______________________

Chapter III: Steppin’ Up
The Staples Center

3 hours to show time

:: I was in my dressing room, stretching my hammies. I’m Getting limber and loose for a night of pounding; double innuendo for that one. Ya, you know how your girl throws that flow. Whats funny though is that the little boys in this match don’t know the how hard my verbal flows hit. That’s why I got Stu the camera guy to drop on by so I can drop a few bars of complete and utter destruction. ::

:: KNOCK_KNOCK::

::Bitch told you. ::

“ Sandy, hey, its Stu. “ Stu shoulders the door open as he lets himself in with camera on his left shoulder. “ Are you ready, am I interrupting? God, I hope this isn’t like half Jades promo, or Colton. We, we had to burn them.”

“ Serious, Stu?”

“ Yah, they were that bad. Like, when I have to take the take and throw it into a trash can and soak it in lighter fluid, its bad. And I’ve been here for over a decade. I’ve seen my share of shitty promos. Like Al Envy..”

“ Who?”

“ Exactly. So are you ready? Can we roll? I got to hit it up with Hank Brown, we gonna catch a beer after this.”

“ Yah, I’m good.”

“ Awesome. Speeding.”

“ Wha? Are we rolling?”

“ Yes.”

“ Egg-salad. Heeey, W-Sea- F” Double leg split -> spirit fingers-> wink! “ It’s ya girl, S.C, Sandy Coconutz up in L.A. I’m here live at the Staples Center, just a few hours from show time. As you can see, I’m warmin up to SMASH and get SMASHED. Here we are coming up into ONE, the greatest show of the year with the greatest pure athlete in W-Sea-F history. Gymnist for twenty years, wrestling for ONE, opps.. Did I just make a puns LAWLZ. I did. I’m funny. Don’t you think? You must. Of course I’m speaking to my opponents who find it amusing to underestimate my ability. I’m drunk, I’m a bimbo, I slept my way to the top. ‘S.C-Use me but I’m not Logan. Or Torture. I mean, like I’m not judging but I heard stories. And I’ve heard stories about a lot of my opponents but the only one that thought it was O.K to step to me was that Dag Riddick. Hm, damn shame that Shag Bush McTreefolk over there ain’t got a dick between his leg or else his balls would know that he is clearly out of his league. I may be cute and bubbly and a shining beacon of womens right world wide but the entire company knows that at a moments notice, I’ll throw down with the best of them and win. Call it a hunch, an educated guess but this Riddick boy, whose seen WAAAYYY too many movies, down sunk beneath the waves. But he ain’t about to meet some Disney princess who wants to be up there where the people are.

I just don’t see things the way that he does. The world god- I’m not that terrible. Just look around me, isn’t this neat? I bet he thinks I’m the girl- the girl that has everything. I mean just look at me. At this body, I mean like how many wonders can one girl hold? I mean, lookin around here, guys like him think that, sure, this girl has everything. I got Guidos and Guidets aplenty. I got bitches and besties galore. This bitch wants talent? I got plenty.

But who cares. I mean like, that’s no big deal. Because I’m Sandra Coconutz and I want more than just that. I wanna be where the people are. I wanna see, see em, cheerin’. Holdin up, what do you call them? Oh- signs!

Flappin your lips don’t get you too far, heart is required for wrecking and winning. But that’s OK because Riddick and everyone else like him will be gone after this week and kicking their careeres down what.. damn whats that word?

Street. Just pass that shit down the road, ya little toady.

Riddick wants to go where the people are, not just a mouth breathing troll. He wants to be, one of te men that can hang with me and at ONE he’ll just go on dreaming that he could be part of that world. Riddick, what would you give up just to be able to say that you were able to hang on Sandy Coconutz’ level. Just jump out of that dank section eight housing. What would you pay just to spend a warm day in the sand without a care in the world, knowing oyur the very best at what you do? Because right now you don’t do anything except get PUNTA-CUNT-Rana’d right back to that section eight cardboard shack and that beta max style promo you tried to pull on the world the other day. What you wouldn’t give to spend a day, not getting your skirt pushed above your head, treated like the bitch that you are- the bitch that you’ve show the world… But in that ring, I’m going to reprimand bitches like you. Because bitches like you gotta know that you don’t fuck with Sandy C. You DON’T KNOW ME!

But you’re a bright young woman. I can see it in your eyes. You got half a brain. Or at least, can borrow one. So you gotta ask yourself when your sick of swimming around in that little pond of yours- Ready to stand.

When ya ready to know what the people know. Ask them questions and get the answers. Like whats that fire in Sandys heart feel like and why does that fire burn? That’s what you want. You want the pride and glamor and the feel good, yay, you’ve accomplished something other than rolled out of best and busted the captains lotion all over your cheeto dust encrusted knuckles.

Whens it going to be Dag Riddicks turn. Woouldnt you love to explore the world and all it has to offer, if only you could get off your ass and really do something. Wish you could be part of that world. But ya cant. Ya cant because you stepped into ONE up against Sandy Coconutz and she went and split ya wig like it was a three dollah wig from Savers.

Shit, son. Shouldn’t have got ya talent from there either. You done fucked up. I mean mistake numbah one was birth. Then life, that that haircut, then that shitty personality then somewhere along the line you rode the bus to savers, bought that talent on someone elses EBT then hitch hiked your dumb ass all the way to the freaken staples center just to get your ship wrecked by little ol’ Sanda C.

Now ain’t that a bitch? Well, maybe you can go and rethink your life choices because debuting at ONE and pulling out an upset victory ain’t an ‘upset.’ No, no. I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘abysmal.’ As in everything about you is abysmal, pathetic, slanderous, mistaken and OMG,EW! Plain and simple, clear as crystal Pepsi and ten times as worse.

But this is your homecoming, your IGNOR-U-Ration? You’re thank you to Seth for being such a good pal and giving you such an easy match to debut in. But there is nothing easy about Sandy Coconutz, Nothing.

Because you, You don’t know me.

But you will.

Kisses”


:: Maawwh ::