Post by Lawnmower Jones on Sept 14, 2006 22:54:02 GMT -5
(The scene opens with a man wearing a brown and green plaid suit with a fedora cap standing in the middle of a hotel lobby. The carpet of the floor is magenta, the cheesy color. The ceiling hangs low to the ground, and illuminates the room too much, like most of the hotel. The man is standing, patiently circling the floor. He has a notepad in one hand, looking over it.)
Man: (To himself) So, what do you think of-
(The man quickly grabs a pencil from his fedora and ferociously erases the note. In the background, we see Lawnmower Jones appear. He is wearing his usual attire of a pair of blue overalls, white beater underneath, and the TV title wrapped around his waist. He leans up against the doorway in a sexual kind of pose.)
LJ: (Deep, sexual voice) So glad to see you again, Steven.
(The man turns around. His face turns from hopeful to a quick grin. The two men laugh and walk towards one another. Jones extends his hand, and the two shake.)
Steven: Ah, Jones, it’s a pleasure to see you again.
LJ: I feel the same.
Steven: I’m glad you’re willing to do this.
LJ: I’m glad you gave me the opportunity.
Steven: Shall we go to lunch then?
(The scene fades to black as the two men walk out the door.)
(The scene fades back in with the two men chowing down on Big Mac’s in a McDonalds. The store is dirty, as are most. An older, short Hispanic lady with a mop is pushing it back and forth. The two men have window seats.)
LJ: (Mouth full) I willy wike it when peep l take me ta fine dinin.
Steven: (Mouth full) Me do!
(The two continue to chomp away. After a few minutes, they are done. Jones unbuttons his pants and sits back. He has a huge grin on his face as he lets out a sigh.)
Steven: So, let’s get down to business. Jones, what’s going on with your life?
(Jones sighs and leans forward.)
LJ: I don’t know. I’m in ruins, I feel like. Lonnie hates me, I’m an alcoholic. I’ve lost my TV show, my iconic status in Scotland. These past three weeks…
(Jones signals his hand flying over his head. He shakes his head.)
LJ: The only thing I have is the Team of Treachery right now. I tell ya, Logan and this belt are the only things that keep me sane. Logan-now that’s a man. If he ran for president, then, well, I couldn’t resist. I’d vote for him, hands down.
Steven: It’s the blunt truth he’s a great man. Undeniably the most iconic figure the WCF has ever had the pleasure of monopolizing off of. Logan truly is great.
LJ: (Smiling) Yea, it’s a pleasure being around him.
Steven: (Weird look on his face) The way his body is rock solid…
LJ: (Same look) The way he has a way of words….
LJ/Steven: (In unison) He’s soooo dreamy!
(The two sigh and share an awkward silence.)
Steven: So you hear Craftsmen is coming out with a new mower with 16 ponies? Supposed to have an 8 inch motor, as well.
LJ: (Intrigued) Really? I tell ya, Craftsmen is a pretty good bunch. They really know how to manufacture their equipment.
Steven: Well, we just hired a couple hundred new workers, ranging from basic salesmen to top quality executives. (Whispering) We just got a guy from Dupont.
(The two indulge in a laugh together.)
LJ: It must be great, working for Craftsmen magazine. I mean, the equipment you get to be around all day. It’s like a dream job.
Steven: Yea, it is a dream job. But hey, you don’t have that bad of a job yourself. You get to beat people up, don’t you?
LJ: Yea, I enjoy it. I get to fight against people week in, week out.
(The two share yet another moment of silence.)
Steven: Off the record, how bad are you going to beat these guys this week?
LJ: On the record: I guarantee victory. These guys are the minor leagues, the third strings, the unprovens. They lack flavor and taste-they are the vanilla ice cream of the WCF. Me, well, I'm the chocolate. And this Sunday at Slam, I'm going to put some chocolate syrup onto the vanilla ice cream.
(The two smile and nod their heads. The scene slowly fades to black.)
Man: (To himself) So, what do you think of-
(The man quickly grabs a pencil from his fedora and ferociously erases the note. In the background, we see Lawnmower Jones appear. He is wearing his usual attire of a pair of blue overalls, white beater underneath, and the TV title wrapped around his waist. He leans up against the doorway in a sexual kind of pose.)
LJ: (Deep, sexual voice) So glad to see you again, Steven.
(The man turns around. His face turns from hopeful to a quick grin. The two men laugh and walk towards one another. Jones extends his hand, and the two shake.)
Steven: Ah, Jones, it’s a pleasure to see you again.
LJ: I feel the same.
Steven: I’m glad you’re willing to do this.
LJ: I’m glad you gave me the opportunity.
Steven: Shall we go to lunch then?
(The scene fades to black as the two men walk out the door.)
(The scene fades back in with the two men chowing down on Big Mac’s in a McDonalds. The store is dirty, as are most. An older, short Hispanic lady with a mop is pushing it back and forth. The two men have window seats.)
LJ: (Mouth full) I willy wike it when peep l take me ta fine dinin.
Steven: (Mouth full) Me do!
(The two continue to chomp away. After a few minutes, they are done. Jones unbuttons his pants and sits back. He has a huge grin on his face as he lets out a sigh.)
Steven: So, let’s get down to business. Jones, what’s going on with your life?
(Jones sighs and leans forward.)
LJ: I don’t know. I’m in ruins, I feel like. Lonnie hates me, I’m an alcoholic. I’ve lost my TV show, my iconic status in Scotland. These past three weeks…
(Jones signals his hand flying over his head. He shakes his head.)
LJ: The only thing I have is the Team of Treachery right now. I tell ya, Logan and this belt are the only things that keep me sane. Logan-now that’s a man. If he ran for president, then, well, I couldn’t resist. I’d vote for him, hands down.
Steven: It’s the blunt truth he’s a great man. Undeniably the most iconic figure the WCF has ever had the pleasure of monopolizing off of. Logan truly is great.
LJ: (Smiling) Yea, it’s a pleasure being around him.
Steven: (Weird look on his face) The way his body is rock solid…
LJ: (Same look) The way he has a way of words….
LJ/Steven: (In unison) He’s soooo dreamy!
(The two sigh and share an awkward silence.)
Steven: So you hear Craftsmen is coming out with a new mower with 16 ponies? Supposed to have an 8 inch motor, as well.
LJ: (Intrigued) Really? I tell ya, Craftsmen is a pretty good bunch. They really know how to manufacture their equipment.
Steven: Well, we just hired a couple hundred new workers, ranging from basic salesmen to top quality executives. (Whispering) We just got a guy from Dupont.
(The two indulge in a laugh together.)
LJ: It must be great, working for Craftsmen magazine. I mean, the equipment you get to be around all day. It’s like a dream job.
Steven: Yea, it is a dream job. But hey, you don’t have that bad of a job yourself. You get to beat people up, don’t you?
LJ: Yea, I enjoy it. I get to fight against people week in, week out.
(The two share yet another moment of silence.)
Steven: Off the record, how bad are you going to beat these guys this week?
LJ: On the record: I guarantee victory. These guys are the minor leagues, the third strings, the unprovens. They lack flavor and taste-they are the vanilla ice cream of the WCF. Me, well, I'm the chocolate. And this Sunday at Slam, I'm going to put some chocolate syrup onto the vanilla ice cream.
(The two smile and nod their heads. The scene slowly fades to black.)
