|
|
Post by Earth-616 Holmes on Dec 2, 2015 2:17:22 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by 6ix God on Dec 2, 2015 11:36:53 GMT -5
In procrastinating on this term paper, here's my take:
-First person narrative. I like this.
-Centered text. I don't like this. (But this is personal preference)
-Punctuation needs polish. I'm really particular about this, but the judges are not.
-Like the random thoughts here and there. Makes Holmes feel real and scatter-brained as he awaits this big moment. As a suggestion, you could italicize some of the more out there lines for emphasis or as a sort of apposition. Ex: "If it was up to me, I would change that name to the Houston International Airport. Really? George Bush? God, I hated that name. After..."
-Would also work well for the single thoughts in dialogue that are not narration. Ex: Smooth, Andre. Smooth.
This single thoughts are super great, and you should make them pop out from the rest of the narration.
-Damn son, hitting us with the divorce storyline right off the bat. Bold. I like it. But you NEED to walk a tight rope with this; a story with this much emotional punch can either make or break. We'll see how it plays out in the following weeks, but I urge you not to rush it.
-Interaction with kids <3
This is an above average debut promo. Solid character development, solid writing, solid shoot. There's not much more I can say without seeing another few RPs and noting the character's direction and whatnot. I will point out one thing which is a mildly controversial topic on this board: response shoots. A response shoot (writing your shoot going at the promo of your opponent this week) is not against the rules but is considered poor form by a few people here. On the other hand, there are some folks who will strongly defend the response shoot in WCF. It's up to you to determine how you feel about it, but it may as well be mentioned while you're debuting rather than blow up down the line as it has with a few other folks.
Good work this week. Hope you stick around!
|
|
|
|
Post by Earth-616 Holmes on Dec 2, 2015 12:50:38 GMT -5
So what is a better method of response shoot or doing a promo?
|
|
|
|
Post by Odin Balfore on Dec 2, 2015 13:30:41 GMT -5
So what is a better method of response shoot or doing a promo? you get 1 RP on Slam, so there is no response promo. You can write one if you like, but Seth will count what he considers to be the better RP. As for just responding, the fed does not look too fondly on direct 'response' promos |
|
|
|
Post by 6ix God on Dec 2, 2015 13:31:40 GMT -5
To reiterate, I can only express my personal opinion, and many here will disagree with me:
There is nothing wrong with using the old promos of your opponent. The frowning upon direct response promos stems from the one RP a week rule, leading to an inherent disadvantage of whomever posts first and what could be seen as "cheap" in shooting off the work your opponent put in blindly. My advice? Don't read the RP of your opponent that week. Shoot on everything else he gives you: bio, matches, internet board, etc. The first week is always going to be a real bitch, as you're essentially shooting on nothing at all except conjecture and speculation; don't let it discourage you.
Let's say that next week you face Spencer Adams; do some research on him. Look up his past results, past RPs, etc. Go to town. Write an RP where you're up all night on a pot of coffee watching film on the guy and talking shit. All fair. The frowning comes from when someone posts an RP and your shoot is "You said X. Well I say X, Y, Z in response. You say Y, well I say S, T, U to say that's wrong." I'm sure you get the idea. No one is gonna knock you for anything on week one. Hell, a lot of people wouldn't ever knock you, period. Just throwing it out there, as this has become a point of contention in the past.
And please do not think I'm shitting on your RP. It's good. I just know that no one gets better from sycophancy.
|
|
|
|
Post by Joey Flash on Dec 2, 2015 14:17:02 GMT -5
Try to emulate Hall of Famer Gravedigger, give a read to his Ultimate destroyer RPs.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2015 14:47:27 GMT -5
Like Howie said, always try to look into the character and what they're doing in their previous work in both promos and on Slam. Use the story and things they've been doing to try to hit them.
Sidenote, super excited to have you on board. Showing very above average work this early on with a ceiling to improve.
|
|
|
|
Post by lost on Dec 2, 2015 15:10:51 GMT -5
Try to emulate Hall of Famer Gravedigger, give a read to his Ultimate destroyer RPs. Disclaimer this is an inside joke. |
|
|
|
Post by Gemini Battle on Dec 2, 2015 16:08:27 GMT -5
Try to emulate Hall of Famer Gravedigger, give a read to his Ultimate destroyer RPs. Disclaimer this is an inside joke. Disclaimer to the disclaimer This is real to me dammit |
|
|
|
Post by Earth-616 Holmes on Dec 2, 2015 17:02:59 GMT -5
Appreciate this guys, this really helps a lot.
|
|
|
|
Post by Gemini Battle on Dec 2, 2015 20:30:44 GMT -5
For the record
I dig the center alignment
Try to incorporate story into your shoot. Not necessarily character development but add movement to the scene. Break up your shoot with brief first person narration. Say how your character is feeling because it's hard to convey it through just dialogue.
|
|
Greybeard
Rookie
Bada Boom, Realest Mage in the Room.
Posts: 280 
|
Post by Greybeard on Dec 3, 2015 10:19:32 GMT -5
Sorry to hijack this thread real quick, are the rp's that get judged for matches the ones you message Seth for slam or the ones you post on the rp board?
|
|
|
|
Post by 6ix God on Dec 3, 2015 11:50:21 GMT -5
Post on the RP Board.
|
|
ragemaxx
Newbie
The Mofo is live in Mempho!
Posts: 46
|
Post by ragemaxx on Dec 5, 2015 8:06:05 GMT -5
Just read this thread and learned quite a bit. Thank you guys for being so involved with helping the new guys. I am taking away a lot from this.
|
|
|
|
Post by Joey Flash on Dec 5, 2015 8:26:40 GMT -5
I still can't tell how many of these are Grime.
|
|
|
|
Post by Raymond Hatcher on Dec 6, 2015 0:45:36 GMT -5
I want to start making up names just to fuck with you Joey and make you think it's grime.
|
|
[/quote]
