Post by Jeff Purse on Nov 13, 2015 15:37:09 GMT -5
“No matter how hard Evil tries, it can never quite match up to the power of Good, because Evil is ultimately self-destructive. Evil may set out to corrupt others, but in the process corrupts itself.”
- John Connolly
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It smelled like piss. Who would have thought that it would end up like this? Led into the cell was Corey Black, Alex Richards, Dexter Radcliff, and Jeff Purse.
Corey Black: If we miss thirteen, I am going to personally hold you responsible.
He said this straight to Jeff Purse. It was understandable and Jeff just kind of nodded. What a mess.
Alex Richards: I mean, isn’t this the way all Bachelor parties end up?
Dexter Radcliff: Yeah, isn’t this—
Corey Black: Stop. You have been doing that all night and I swear to god, SWEAR TO GOD I will give you the hammer right here right now.
Jeff slumped in a corner and looked out the window. He couldn’t help but think about Kari…she had no idea, and he was more than likely going to have to call her to bail them out. Isn’t that great, a women who could go into labor at any moment, and she had to come to the local police station to get Jeff and his friends out of jail. He couldn’t help but think if they were in his cousins district, they wouldn’t have even been thrown in jail. But they weren’t. The lament of the group, he supposed. He thought back to what happened, and how they ended up here. That’s right yall, its flashback time!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=Flashback to the beginning of the day=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jeff Purse is on the phone walking around his kitchen. Kari sits on the couch watching some show about a lady who gave birth to a child with a long, reptilian tail while munching on popcorn. Every so often, she would drop some kernals between the cushions, and while on the phone, Jeff would come over with a mini vaccum and get them out of the cushions. This process had become second nature, as Kari stopped caring if she was making a mess or not, and Jeff thought better than to argue with her about it in her state.
Kari: Hey Jeff did you know that there is a 1 in 10 chance our son is going to have a tail?
Jeff Purse: Kari, I am on the phone.
Kari: I just thought it was interesting.
Jeff Purse: Hold on.
He addresses Kari.
Jeff Purse: There is no way that is accurate. Look it up.
He puts the phone back up to his ear as Kari grabs her phone and starts punching in keys.
Jeff Purse: Dude, you are going to give him a knife glove, like, what the fuck? I am about to be a dad, I can’t be dead before my child is born…He is a psychopath though.
Kari: Jeff, it says that there has only been 20 cases since the 1800’s. Can you believe that? This show is bullshit.
Jeff rolls his eyes.
Jeff Purse: Corey, can I call you back. Kari wants to talk about the possibility of our kid having a tail. What? NO! Good bye.
Jeff slumps down next to her on the couch and takes a handful of popcorn.
Kari: What did he say?
Jeff Purse: He said that would be cool, we could name him Tails, like from Sonic the Hedgehog.
Kari let out a snort and Jeff smiled. He began to think about how great he really had it; a beautiful fiancée soon to be wife and mother of his child; a son coming along that he could teach all the mysteries of the world to. His professional life was great as well: A successful BMX company, countless X-games medals, other various medals from his life as a BMX rider, gold upon gold from the WCF…he began to think maybe there was nothing more that he could accomplish in the ring. Maybe, just maybe, he should give it all up in pursuit of raising a family. In fact just the thought of it made him smile and lean over and kiss Kari on the temple.
This very sweet, tender moment, brought to you by the Purse family is torn apart quickly, as two masked men in black come bursting through the front door. They are wearing old presidents masks, one of them is Nixon, one of them is Clinton. Nixon shoves a large rifle in Jeff’s face, while Clinton looks around, full of wonderment.
Nixon: You, you are coming with us you piece of shit.
Clinton: Wow it is so clean in here.
Nixon: Bill, you scrotum sack, get with it.
Kari: Cor-
Nixon: Stop right there woman. I am Nixon.
Jeff Purse: We know its just yo-
Nixon: You don’t know shit. Now come with us you pansy bitch, that is, if you want to live.
Clinton: Wow, it must have been so cool to go on a date with Jeff, Kari.
Nixon: What? Hey you fucker, get over here and help me you stupid pie—
Jeff Purse: Corey. I mean, uh, Richard Nixon, no need. I will go with you.
Jeff gets up as Nixon pokes his back and instructs him where to go. He turns Clinton around and smacks him. They exit the house with Kari not even looking away from the television, but throwing her hand in the air to wave goodbye. Outside, they direct Jeff to the Strange Rover, however there is a sign on the side that says “Not the Strange Rover”. Jeff rolls his eyes as he is shoved into the back, followed by the two former presidents.
Once inside the vehicle, Corey and Dexter take their masks off, Corey was Nixon of course, and Dexter was Clinton. Alex is driving, and he peels out of the Jeff’s driveway, shooting rocks up to his house. Jeff shakes his head, thinking about having to gather all the rocks that just got onto the porch.
Corey Black: That was less than spectacular.
Dexter Radcliff: That’s how I always pictured your house.
Corey Black: Look here dick, if you can’t follow a simple plan to kidnap Jeff then what the fuck good are you?
Dexter Radcliff: Sorry…
Jeff Purse: Dex, don’t listen to this old grump. I appreciated the compliments.
Corey Black: Fuck off.
Alex Richards: OH YOU GOT TROUBLE, RIGHT HERE IN RIVER CITY!
Alex was listening to the soundtrack of The Music Man. What a lame loser…its not like the person writing this is actually listening to a Musical mix on Spotify and wanted to add that in…no way…ANYWAY…
Jeff pulled out an ipod and headphones and handed them to Dexter.
Jeff Purse: Dex, listen to this and tell me what you think, I was thinking about making this my new entrance music.
Dexter put the earphones in and began listening.
Jeff Purse: That should keep him for about twenty minutes. I am playing Alices Resturant.
Corey Black: Mean.
Jeff Purse: Yeah. Look I have to talk to you. I have um…I have been thinking about retiring.
In one second Corey managed to leave a red hand print on Jeff’s face. Perhaps too hard a slap for what Jeff had said, regardless, now Jeff clasped his face.
Jeff Purse: What the fuck?
Corey Black: Well, don’t say bitch things and I wont slap you like the bitch you are acting like.
Jeff Purse: What?
Corey Black: First off, you are facing NvL at thirteen. Its too big of a match to go back on. Second, we need you to stick around, alright? Ever since Omega got lost in time we have all suffered. You have had a couple of days off, now stop being a bitch.
Jeff Purse: Look, I will face NvL. I would be happy to finally put an end to the torture that he has caused Kari and I. But don’t you think that that is the perfect exit match?
And in another instance, a Corey Black sized hand print was on Jeff’s other cheek.
Alex Richards: Give him another one for me!
Corey winds up but Jeff grabs his wrist.
Jeff Purse: Just, hear me out, ok?
Corey Black: …fine. But I swear you will pay for this if its not a good argument.
Jeff Purse: Ok. Im so busy elsewhere. I have my business outside of WCF, I have Kari, and now Kari is about to have our son any day now. Shit, she could be having that kid any day now. And I am about to go into a match against the most psychopathic person I have ever known and you thought it would be a good idea to give him a glove blade and—
Corey Black: All I hear is “whaaaa whaaaa”.
Alex Richards: It seems somebody needs a WAAAAAAAAAAMBULANCE!
Jeff Purse: Keep your eyes on the road, Alex. Where are we going?
Corey Black: Your Bachelor party! WHOO
Dexter: This song is a GREAT choice.
Jeff purse: No it isn’t.
Corey Black: Look, don’t decide anything yet, alright. Wait until after thirteen. Fair?
Jeff Purse: Yeah but-
Corey Black: After.
Jeff Purse: Fine. After thirteen.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=ARRIVING AT THE HOTEL WHERE JEFF’S PARTY IS AT=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
When they pulled up to the hotel, a familiar face greeted Jeff as he stepped out of the Rover.
Jeff Purse: Xavier Laroux!
Xavier Laroux: Hello sir. Is there anything I can assist you with.
Jeff Purse: I thought you worked in Japan. What are you doing here?
Xavier Laroux: Corey Black payed me a shit ton of money to be here and wait on you hand and foot.
Jeff looked at Corey, who just nodded.
Jeff Purse: Alright, from here on out I will call you Xavier LaBitch.
Xavier Laroux: I don’t-
Jeff Purse: Get all of our stuff out of the car, LaBitch.
Xavier Laroux: Whatever. In the meantime, this arrived for you almost right before you guys got here.
Xavier went around to the back of the Rover to collect their ‘things’. Jeff holds the envelope just handed to him in his hands, beginning to tear at it as Corey Black approached him.
Corey Black: I actually only gave him one hundred dollars. He is pathetic.
Jeff Purse: What the fuck is this!?
Looking down at what was in his hands, Corey saw what Jeff did. In the envelope was a picture of the Strange Rover, as the guys rolled up to the hotel. It had to be taken minutes before. Jeff looked around.
Jeff Purse: He is here.
Corey Black: Who?
Jeff Purse: Nathan.
Corey Black: Jeff, as your best man, it offends me that you think I would invited him.
Jeff’s eyes scanned through the people who are standing around outside. He couldn’t see Nathan anywhere. He was sick and tired of these little mind games Nathan kept playing on him.
Jeff Purse: Show yourself you piece of SHIT! WHERE ARE YOU!
Corey Black: Jeff relax.
Alex Richards: WHOSE ASS ARE WE KICKING?!?!
Dexter Radcliff: I am just so happy to be a part of this.
Corey Black: We aren’t kicking ass. Wait, what am I saying? DAMN IT YOU MADE ME THE RATIONAL ONE!
Corey, the thought of being the rational one getting to his head, he turns and grabs Laroux, slamming him up against a wall. Jeff joins right behind Corey.
Jeff Purse: Alright, LaBitch, who gave you this.
Xavier laroux: The front desk-
Corey slaps him.
Xavier Laroux: What the hell!?!
Corey Black: Answer his questions correctly.
Just then, more bellboys from the hotel approach, to which both Dexter and Alex begin to scuffle with. Jeff loses his patience and grabs Laroux, slamming him onto the ground. Neil Diamond comes out of the hotel.
Neil Diamond: Hey guys, I heard Jeff here is getting married and decided I would stop by and wish him luck…through song.
Corey Black: NO!!!
Corey quickly elbows Neil, who promptly falls to the ground. Flashing lights and sirens appear…uh oh…
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-JAIL=-=-=-=-=-=-
It smelled like piss. Who would have thought that it would end up like this? Led into the cell was Corey Black, Alex Richards, Dexter Radcliff, and Jeff Purse.
Corey Black: If we miss thirteen, I am going to personally hold you responsible.
He said this straight to Jeff Purse. It was understandable and Jeff just kind of nodded. What a mess.
Alex Richards: I mean, isn’t this the way all Bachelor parties end up?
Dexter Radcliff: Yeah, isn’t this—
Corey Black: Stop. You have been doing that all night and I swear to god, SWEAR TO GOD I will give you the hammer right here right now.
Jeff slumped in a corner and looked out the window. He couldn’t help but think about Kari…she had no idea, and he was more than likely going to have to call her to bail them out. Isn’t that great, a women who could go into labor at any moment, and she had to come to the local police station to get Jeff and his friends out of jail. He couldn’t help but think if they were in his cousins district, they wouldn’t have even been thrown in jail. But they weren’t. The lament of the group, he supposed.
Corey Black came over and sat across from Jeff. Jeff looked at him and sighed.
Jeff Purse: I don’t get it man. How can he still get to me after so long. I mean Nathan and I have gone against each other more times than you and Torture. We came up together. I know him better than anybody else. I am still to this day the only person who has been able to pull out Vlad with just words. That’s how much I get under his skin. And for months, MONTHS, he has been torturing me and my family. Why does it matter to me so much? Its not anything different than what that little fucking creep usually does. I mean I am sitting here in a fucking disgusting jail cell, the literal worst place for me, and I don’t care because I can’t help but thinking he is there, watching Kari. And its gets me so…so fucking ANGRY!
Jeff slams his hand down on a little sink, which comes unhooked from the wall, revealing that it was never actually connected to anything, it was just there for show. Both of them take a second to register what happened.
Corey Black: He is jealous of you man. And its understandable.
Jeff Purse: What?
Corey Black: You guys may have come up together, but you have way more success than he does. You are more well known and respected amongst the locker room and the fans. You have more prestige. You held the title for much longer. You held more titles. He is jealous.
Jeff Purse: I don’t think so Corey. I mean, yeah, I am sure in his mind he can’t fathom any of that.
Corey Black: Well Jeff you also have a family now. You have a wife, practically, and a kid, practically. Its normal that you would be upset if someone was threatening them. You got to do what you got to do to protect your own. Which is why you aren’t retiring broski.
Jeff and Corey share a moment because they are bro’s and sometimes bro’s share moments. Don’t judge. Just then a click is heard, and an officer of the law is opening the cell door.
Officer so and so it doesn’t matter: You four made bail.
Walking out of the cell, they are greeted by the man who bailed them out.
?: Whats up my dudes!? Missed you at the party…
Jeff Purse: No fucking way.
Stepping out of the shadows is the nerd himself, Polar Phantasm. Jeff and Corey charge at him, hugging him. They haven’t seen each other in a long time, they were all very close friends, its necessary.
Polar: Guys, guys, you are going to injure me haha.
Jeff Purse: Man, what the hell? I didn’t know you were going to be there.
Polar: Yeah well, I got a call out of nowhere from Corey here, and he said I should probably come to my best friends bachelor party. So, I went. I had a great time too. The only real problem I suppose is that the groom never showed up.
Corey Black: Yeah, we were thrown in here because Jeff attacked some bell boy.
Polar: I heard about that. Who are these dudes?
Jeff Purse: Alex Richards, the best damn Internet champion there ever was.
Polar and Alex shake hands.
Corey Black: And this is Dexter. I am not that fond of him.
Dexter looks sad and Polar just laughs.
Jeff Purse: Hey, why don’t you come with us?
Polar: I would love to…but Nighty is with Junior right now, and he is a handful. I will be watching though, so make sure you get that glove and slash the fuck out of Nathan bro! And you, Corey, whip the shit out of Orbit.
They silently nod, agreeing to these stipulations.
Jeff Purse: Hey, Polar!
Polar: Yeah?
Jeff Purse: Take care of yourself man. We miss you.
Polar: Don’t worry about me bro. You know how it is, always wheeling and dealing. I miss you guys too. My brain is going crazy with ideas. I just need some more time, ya know. Anyway, see you soon!
Polar walks off, the four men thankful they were bailed out.
=-=-=-=-=-=In the Dressing room of the thirteen arena.=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jeff sits with his back against the locker, eyes closed, breathing steady. One of the biggest matches of his career is coming up in just a few hours. No, its not for any title, its not even at a pay per view…but its Nathan. Nathan was the one. It always had to be Nathan. Something that Jeff can now accept. Any match against Nathan was big. But this match, Wes Craven Memorial match…Jeff had to get the glove first. If Nathan got the glove, there is no telling what he would do with it.
He wasn’t fighting for himself anymore. He was fighting for his family. And that, well that meant more than any title, than anything one THING that there was. He smiled to himself as he thought of Kari and their unborn son. Soon, Jeff would be a dad and a husband. He wasn’t sure which one he was looking forward to the most. He opened his eyes, a very relaxed, calm look on his face.
Jeff Purse: Nathan. It has been a long time buddy, perhaps too long. I got spoiled not having to deal with you for a long time. I forgot about what a vile piece of shit you really are. Which is a shame, because it made me put my guard down. Instead of focusing on matches, I was focused on you. A couple years ago, your dirty, mind tricks wouldn’t have done a damn thing to me. But there is much more at stake this time. So good job, Nathan; you and that disgusting pig farmer managed to get into my mind.
But here is the truth, Nathan. Here is the undeniable, down to earth, honest to God truth…you have always been in my head. Lets face it Nathan, our careers started at about the same time. We both come from ACW. We both came to WCF after ACW folded, and we both rose to heights that we may never have imagined in ACW. Man, when we first got to WCF, do you remember?
Nathan von Liebert was fucking on fire. Nobody could touch him. He brought an air of spectacle and creepiness that probably hadn’t been seen in WCF since Creeping Death. Nathan von Liebert was the next big thing, and Jeff Purse was just a cast away, thrown randomly into match after match, paired randomly with Night Rider. But, shortly after that, something happened…
I broke out of the ACW pack. I went on to do great things. Championships. Pantheon. Sitting on the board of this company. Being involved in some of the most memorable moments in the WCF. You were behind me. You fizzled while I lit on fire. But you eventually caught up with me, somewhat. I mean, my accomplishments are still more than yours, but for fucks sake, we are pretty even. And we are both seasoned vets, neither of us need to win anything really. We have both done it all….we have fought each other so many times…so why is this any different?
Because it has to happen. Because this match, even after all the wars, after everything, this match is a match that will never be boring. There is always going to be the elements that make great matches between us Nathan. The emotions are always going to be high. The fights are always going to be intense. It will always happen.
I couldn’t count how many times I have watched and been invested in Superman battling it out with Lex Luther. I am always interested to see Batman duel it out with The Joker. What about Spiderman vs. The Green Goblin? Or The Flash vs Professor Zoom? These all have a certain element to them. It’s the good guy vs the ultimate bad guy. Hero vs Nemesis. Jeff Purse vs Nathan von Liebert.
We have built a fucking legacy, Nate. And our story is far, far from over. This is just another notch in the belt that is our story. But just like Superman, just like Batman and Spiderman, the hero is going to win this one. Nathan, you have resorted to ever damn diabolical, shitty mind game in the book. Sending me your hand, pictures, dead rats, threats through Legion. You Nathan played your part very, very well.
But now its time for me to play my part. Now its time for me to put a stop to this. Its time for me to fucking destroy you. And destroy you I will Nathan. You went way to far this time. You took it from being a bastard to being a legit fucking super villain. I never thought that it would get to this point. I never thought that it would be this big. I never thought that you and I could do this again. But we are…
And I am fucking excited now. I can’t wait to get out to that ring and bitch slap you up and down the ramp like you are my fucking rag doll bitch. I am going to make you whatever the fuck I want you to be out there Nathan. An example? Sure. Because you are better than every single new fucking face in that locker room, and I am going to show them that Jeff Purse isn’t a fucking joke through you. I am going to show the fans that I still have what it takes to take out a pathetic piece of shit like Nathan von Liebert.
Pathetic. Yes. Because only someone as pathetic as you would do what you did. Watch from afar. Try to scare. Intimidate. A real man, we confront. We go head on. You were trying to get me scared Nathan. You were trying to get me to drop the fucking ball. But your plan went the opposite way. I am not scared, Nathan, I am fucking pissed off. I am pissed off that you think you can do whatever the fuck you please. All you really did Nate was give me ammo for our match.
You can get the glove first. I don’t give a shit. I hope you make me bleed, I really do. Because I really, really want to meet Vlad finally.
And with that, Jeff gets off and heads to take a pre match shower, as was tradition.
- John Connolly
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It smelled like piss. Who would have thought that it would end up like this? Led into the cell was Corey Black, Alex Richards, Dexter Radcliff, and Jeff Purse.
Corey Black: If we miss thirteen, I am going to personally hold you responsible.
He said this straight to Jeff Purse. It was understandable and Jeff just kind of nodded. What a mess.
Alex Richards: I mean, isn’t this the way all Bachelor parties end up?
Dexter Radcliff: Yeah, isn’t this—
Corey Black: Stop. You have been doing that all night and I swear to god, SWEAR TO GOD I will give you the hammer right here right now.
Jeff slumped in a corner and looked out the window. He couldn’t help but think about Kari…she had no idea, and he was more than likely going to have to call her to bail them out. Isn’t that great, a women who could go into labor at any moment, and she had to come to the local police station to get Jeff and his friends out of jail. He couldn’t help but think if they were in his cousins district, they wouldn’t have even been thrown in jail. But they weren’t. The lament of the group, he supposed. He thought back to what happened, and how they ended up here. That’s right yall, its flashback time!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=Flashback to the beginning of the day=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jeff Purse is on the phone walking around his kitchen. Kari sits on the couch watching some show about a lady who gave birth to a child with a long, reptilian tail while munching on popcorn. Every so often, she would drop some kernals between the cushions, and while on the phone, Jeff would come over with a mini vaccum and get them out of the cushions. This process had become second nature, as Kari stopped caring if she was making a mess or not, and Jeff thought better than to argue with her about it in her state.
Kari: Hey Jeff did you know that there is a 1 in 10 chance our son is going to have a tail?
Jeff Purse: Kari, I am on the phone.
Kari: I just thought it was interesting.
Jeff Purse: Hold on.
He addresses Kari.
Jeff Purse: There is no way that is accurate. Look it up.
He puts the phone back up to his ear as Kari grabs her phone and starts punching in keys.
Jeff Purse: Dude, you are going to give him a knife glove, like, what the fuck? I am about to be a dad, I can’t be dead before my child is born…He is a psychopath though.
Kari: Jeff, it says that there has only been 20 cases since the 1800’s. Can you believe that? This show is bullshit.
Jeff rolls his eyes.
Jeff Purse: Corey, can I call you back. Kari wants to talk about the possibility of our kid having a tail. What? NO! Good bye.
Jeff slumps down next to her on the couch and takes a handful of popcorn.
Kari: What did he say?
Jeff Purse: He said that would be cool, we could name him Tails, like from Sonic the Hedgehog.
Kari let out a snort and Jeff smiled. He began to think about how great he really had it; a beautiful fiancée soon to be wife and mother of his child; a son coming along that he could teach all the mysteries of the world to. His professional life was great as well: A successful BMX company, countless X-games medals, other various medals from his life as a BMX rider, gold upon gold from the WCF…he began to think maybe there was nothing more that he could accomplish in the ring. Maybe, just maybe, he should give it all up in pursuit of raising a family. In fact just the thought of it made him smile and lean over and kiss Kari on the temple.
This very sweet, tender moment, brought to you by the Purse family is torn apart quickly, as two masked men in black come bursting through the front door. They are wearing old presidents masks, one of them is Nixon, one of them is Clinton. Nixon shoves a large rifle in Jeff’s face, while Clinton looks around, full of wonderment.
Nixon: You, you are coming with us you piece of shit.
Clinton: Wow it is so clean in here.
Nixon: Bill, you scrotum sack, get with it.
Kari: Cor-
Nixon: Stop right there woman. I am Nixon.
Jeff Purse: We know its just yo-
Nixon: You don’t know shit. Now come with us you pansy bitch, that is, if you want to live.
Clinton: Wow, it must have been so cool to go on a date with Jeff, Kari.
Nixon: What? Hey you fucker, get over here and help me you stupid pie—
Jeff Purse: Corey. I mean, uh, Richard Nixon, no need. I will go with you.
Jeff gets up as Nixon pokes his back and instructs him where to go. He turns Clinton around and smacks him. They exit the house with Kari not even looking away from the television, but throwing her hand in the air to wave goodbye. Outside, they direct Jeff to the Strange Rover, however there is a sign on the side that says “Not the Strange Rover”. Jeff rolls his eyes as he is shoved into the back, followed by the two former presidents.
Once inside the vehicle, Corey and Dexter take their masks off, Corey was Nixon of course, and Dexter was Clinton. Alex is driving, and he peels out of the Jeff’s driveway, shooting rocks up to his house. Jeff shakes his head, thinking about having to gather all the rocks that just got onto the porch.
Corey Black: That was less than spectacular.
Dexter Radcliff: That’s how I always pictured your house.
Corey Black: Look here dick, if you can’t follow a simple plan to kidnap Jeff then what the fuck good are you?
Dexter Radcliff: Sorry…
Jeff Purse: Dex, don’t listen to this old grump. I appreciated the compliments.
Corey Black: Fuck off.
Alex Richards: OH YOU GOT TROUBLE, RIGHT HERE IN RIVER CITY!
Alex was listening to the soundtrack of The Music Man. What a lame loser…its not like the person writing this is actually listening to a Musical mix on Spotify and wanted to add that in…no way…ANYWAY…
Jeff pulled out an ipod and headphones and handed them to Dexter.
Jeff Purse: Dex, listen to this and tell me what you think, I was thinking about making this my new entrance music.
Dexter put the earphones in and began listening.
Jeff Purse: That should keep him for about twenty minutes. I am playing Alices Resturant.
Corey Black: Mean.
Jeff Purse: Yeah. Look I have to talk to you. I have um…I have been thinking about retiring.
In one second Corey managed to leave a red hand print on Jeff’s face. Perhaps too hard a slap for what Jeff had said, regardless, now Jeff clasped his face.
Jeff Purse: What the fuck?
Corey Black: Well, don’t say bitch things and I wont slap you like the bitch you are acting like.
Jeff Purse: What?
Corey Black: First off, you are facing NvL at thirteen. Its too big of a match to go back on. Second, we need you to stick around, alright? Ever since Omega got lost in time we have all suffered. You have had a couple of days off, now stop being a bitch.
Jeff Purse: Look, I will face NvL. I would be happy to finally put an end to the torture that he has caused Kari and I. But don’t you think that that is the perfect exit match?
And in another instance, a Corey Black sized hand print was on Jeff’s other cheek.
Alex Richards: Give him another one for me!
Corey winds up but Jeff grabs his wrist.
Jeff Purse: Just, hear me out, ok?
Corey Black: …fine. But I swear you will pay for this if its not a good argument.
Jeff Purse: Ok. Im so busy elsewhere. I have my business outside of WCF, I have Kari, and now Kari is about to have our son any day now. Shit, she could be having that kid any day now. And I am about to go into a match against the most psychopathic person I have ever known and you thought it would be a good idea to give him a glove blade and—
Corey Black: All I hear is “whaaaa whaaaa”.
Alex Richards: It seems somebody needs a WAAAAAAAAAAMBULANCE!
Jeff Purse: Keep your eyes on the road, Alex. Where are we going?
Corey Black: Your Bachelor party! WHOO
Dexter: This song is a GREAT choice.
Jeff purse: No it isn’t.
Corey Black: Look, don’t decide anything yet, alright. Wait until after thirteen. Fair?
Jeff Purse: Yeah but-
Corey Black: After.
Jeff Purse: Fine. After thirteen.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=ARRIVING AT THE HOTEL WHERE JEFF’S PARTY IS AT=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
When they pulled up to the hotel, a familiar face greeted Jeff as he stepped out of the Rover.
Jeff Purse: Xavier Laroux!
Xavier Laroux: Hello sir. Is there anything I can assist you with.
Jeff Purse: I thought you worked in Japan. What are you doing here?
Xavier Laroux: Corey Black payed me a shit ton of money to be here and wait on you hand and foot.
Jeff looked at Corey, who just nodded.
Jeff Purse: Alright, from here on out I will call you Xavier LaBitch.
Xavier Laroux: I don’t-
Jeff Purse: Get all of our stuff out of the car, LaBitch.
Xavier Laroux: Whatever. In the meantime, this arrived for you almost right before you guys got here.
Xavier went around to the back of the Rover to collect their ‘things’. Jeff holds the envelope just handed to him in his hands, beginning to tear at it as Corey Black approached him.
Corey Black: I actually only gave him one hundred dollars. He is pathetic.
Jeff Purse: What the fuck is this!?
Looking down at what was in his hands, Corey saw what Jeff did. In the envelope was a picture of the Strange Rover, as the guys rolled up to the hotel. It had to be taken minutes before. Jeff looked around.
Jeff Purse: He is here.
Corey Black: Who?
Jeff Purse: Nathan.
Corey Black: Jeff, as your best man, it offends me that you think I would invited him.
Jeff’s eyes scanned through the people who are standing around outside. He couldn’t see Nathan anywhere. He was sick and tired of these little mind games Nathan kept playing on him.
Jeff Purse: Show yourself you piece of SHIT! WHERE ARE YOU!
Corey Black: Jeff relax.
Alex Richards: WHOSE ASS ARE WE KICKING?!?!
Dexter Radcliff: I am just so happy to be a part of this.
Corey Black: We aren’t kicking ass. Wait, what am I saying? DAMN IT YOU MADE ME THE RATIONAL ONE!
Corey, the thought of being the rational one getting to his head, he turns and grabs Laroux, slamming him up against a wall. Jeff joins right behind Corey.
Jeff Purse: Alright, LaBitch, who gave you this.
Xavier laroux: The front desk-
Corey slaps him.
Xavier Laroux: What the hell!?!
Corey Black: Answer his questions correctly.
Just then, more bellboys from the hotel approach, to which both Dexter and Alex begin to scuffle with. Jeff loses his patience and grabs Laroux, slamming him onto the ground. Neil Diamond comes out of the hotel.
Neil Diamond: Hey guys, I heard Jeff here is getting married and decided I would stop by and wish him luck…through song.
Corey Black: NO!!!
Corey quickly elbows Neil, who promptly falls to the ground. Flashing lights and sirens appear…uh oh…
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-JAIL=-=-=-=-=-=-
It smelled like piss. Who would have thought that it would end up like this? Led into the cell was Corey Black, Alex Richards, Dexter Radcliff, and Jeff Purse.
Corey Black: If we miss thirteen, I am going to personally hold you responsible.
He said this straight to Jeff Purse. It was understandable and Jeff just kind of nodded. What a mess.
Alex Richards: I mean, isn’t this the way all Bachelor parties end up?
Dexter Radcliff: Yeah, isn’t this—
Corey Black: Stop. You have been doing that all night and I swear to god, SWEAR TO GOD I will give you the hammer right here right now.
Jeff slumped in a corner and looked out the window. He couldn’t help but think about Kari…she had no idea, and he was more than likely going to have to call her to bail them out. Isn’t that great, a women who could go into labor at any moment, and she had to come to the local police station to get Jeff and his friends out of jail. He couldn’t help but think if they were in his cousins district, they wouldn’t have even been thrown in jail. But they weren’t. The lament of the group, he supposed.
Corey Black came over and sat across from Jeff. Jeff looked at him and sighed.
Jeff Purse: I don’t get it man. How can he still get to me after so long. I mean Nathan and I have gone against each other more times than you and Torture. We came up together. I know him better than anybody else. I am still to this day the only person who has been able to pull out Vlad with just words. That’s how much I get under his skin. And for months, MONTHS, he has been torturing me and my family. Why does it matter to me so much? Its not anything different than what that little fucking creep usually does. I mean I am sitting here in a fucking disgusting jail cell, the literal worst place for me, and I don’t care because I can’t help but thinking he is there, watching Kari. And its gets me so…so fucking ANGRY!
Jeff slams his hand down on a little sink, which comes unhooked from the wall, revealing that it was never actually connected to anything, it was just there for show. Both of them take a second to register what happened.
Corey Black: He is jealous of you man. And its understandable.
Jeff Purse: What?
Corey Black: You guys may have come up together, but you have way more success than he does. You are more well known and respected amongst the locker room and the fans. You have more prestige. You held the title for much longer. You held more titles. He is jealous.
Jeff Purse: I don’t think so Corey. I mean, yeah, I am sure in his mind he can’t fathom any of that.
Corey Black: Well Jeff you also have a family now. You have a wife, practically, and a kid, practically. Its normal that you would be upset if someone was threatening them. You got to do what you got to do to protect your own. Which is why you aren’t retiring broski.
Jeff and Corey share a moment because they are bro’s and sometimes bro’s share moments. Don’t judge. Just then a click is heard, and an officer of the law is opening the cell door.
Officer so and so it doesn’t matter: You four made bail.
Walking out of the cell, they are greeted by the man who bailed them out.
?: Whats up my dudes!? Missed you at the party…
Jeff Purse: No fucking way.
Stepping out of the shadows is the nerd himself, Polar Phantasm. Jeff and Corey charge at him, hugging him. They haven’t seen each other in a long time, they were all very close friends, its necessary.
Polar: Guys, guys, you are going to injure me haha.
Jeff Purse: Man, what the hell? I didn’t know you were going to be there.
Polar: Yeah well, I got a call out of nowhere from Corey here, and he said I should probably come to my best friends bachelor party. So, I went. I had a great time too. The only real problem I suppose is that the groom never showed up.
Corey Black: Yeah, we were thrown in here because Jeff attacked some bell boy.
Polar: I heard about that. Who are these dudes?
Jeff Purse: Alex Richards, the best damn Internet champion there ever was.
Polar and Alex shake hands.
Corey Black: And this is Dexter. I am not that fond of him.
Dexter looks sad and Polar just laughs.
Jeff Purse: Hey, why don’t you come with us?
Polar: I would love to…but Nighty is with Junior right now, and he is a handful. I will be watching though, so make sure you get that glove and slash the fuck out of Nathan bro! And you, Corey, whip the shit out of Orbit.
They silently nod, agreeing to these stipulations.
Jeff Purse: Hey, Polar!
Polar: Yeah?
Jeff Purse: Take care of yourself man. We miss you.
Polar: Don’t worry about me bro. You know how it is, always wheeling and dealing. I miss you guys too. My brain is going crazy with ideas. I just need some more time, ya know. Anyway, see you soon!
Polar walks off, the four men thankful they were bailed out.
=-=-=-=-=-=In the Dressing room of the thirteen arena.=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jeff sits with his back against the locker, eyes closed, breathing steady. One of the biggest matches of his career is coming up in just a few hours. No, its not for any title, its not even at a pay per view…but its Nathan. Nathan was the one. It always had to be Nathan. Something that Jeff can now accept. Any match against Nathan was big. But this match, Wes Craven Memorial match…Jeff had to get the glove first. If Nathan got the glove, there is no telling what he would do with it.
He wasn’t fighting for himself anymore. He was fighting for his family. And that, well that meant more than any title, than anything one THING that there was. He smiled to himself as he thought of Kari and their unborn son. Soon, Jeff would be a dad and a husband. He wasn’t sure which one he was looking forward to the most. He opened his eyes, a very relaxed, calm look on his face.
Jeff Purse: Nathan. It has been a long time buddy, perhaps too long. I got spoiled not having to deal with you for a long time. I forgot about what a vile piece of shit you really are. Which is a shame, because it made me put my guard down. Instead of focusing on matches, I was focused on you. A couple years ago, your dirty, mind tricks wouldn’t have done a damn thing to me. But there is much more at stake this time. So good job, Nathan; you and that disgusting pig farmer managed to get into my mind.
But here is the truth, Nathan. Here is the undeniable, down to earth, honest to God truth…you have always been in my head. Lets face it Nathan, our careers started at about the same time. We both come from ACW. We both came to WCF after ACW folded, and we both rose to heights that we may never have imagined in ACW. Man, when we first got to WCF, do you remember?
Nathan von Liebert was fucking on fire. Nobody could touch him. He brought an air of spectacle and creepiness that probably hadn’t been seen in WCF since Creeping Death. Nathan von Liebert was the next big thing, and Jeff Purse was just a cast away, thrown randomly into match after match, paired randomly with Night Rider. But, shortly after that, something happened…
I broke out of the ACW pack. I went on to do great things. Championships. Pantheon. Sitting on the board of this company. Being involved in some of the most memorable moments in the WCF. You were behind me. You fizzled while I lit on fire. But you eventually caught up with me, somewhat. I mean, my accomplishments are still more than yours, but for fucks sake, we are pretty even. And we are both seasoned vets, neither of us need to win anything really. We have both done it all….we have fought each other so many times…so why is this any different?
Because it has to happen. Because this match, even after all the wars, after everything, this match is a match that will never be boring. There is always going to be the elements that make great matches between us Nathan. The emotions are always going to be high. The fights are always going to be intense. It will always happen.
I couldn’t count how many times I have watched and been invested in Superman battling it out with Lex Luther. I am always interested to see Batman duel it out with The Joker. What about Spiderman vs. The Green Goblin? Or The Flash vs Professor Zoom? These all have a certain element to them. It’s the good guy vs the ultimate bad guy. Hero vs Nemesis. Jeff Purse vs Nathan von Liebert.
We have built a fucking legacy, Nate. And our story is far, far from over. This is just another notch in the belt that is our story. But just like Superman, just like Batman and Spiderman, the hero is going to win this one. Nathan, you have resorted to ever damn diabolical, shitty mind game in the book. Sending me your hand, pictures, dead rats, threats through Legion. You Nathan played your part very, very well.
But now its time for me to play my part. Now its time for me to put a stop to this. Its time for me to fucking destroy you. And destroy you I will Nathan. You went way to far this time. You took it from being a bastard to being a legit fucking super villain. I never thought that it would get to this point. I never thought that it would be this big. I never thought that you and I could do this again. But we are…
And I am fucking excited now. I can’t wait to get out to that ring and bitch slap you up and down the ramp like you are my fucking rag doll bitch. I am going to make you whatever the fuck I want you to be out there Nathan. An example? Sure. Because you are better than every single new fucking face in that locker room, and I am going to show them that Jeff Purse isn’t a fucking joke through you. I am going to show the fans that I still have what it takes to take out a pathetic piece of shit like Nathan von Liebert.
Pathetic. Yes. Because only someone as pathetic as you would do what you did. Watch from afar. Try to scare. Intimidate. A real man, we confront. We go head on. You were trying to get me scared Nathan. You were trying to get me to drop the fucking ball. But your plan went the opposite way. I am not scared, Nathan, I am fucking pissed off. I am pissed off that you think you can do whatever the fuck you please. All you really did Nate was give me ammo for our match.
You can get the glove first. I don’t give a shit. I hope you make me bleed, I really do. Because I really, really want to meet Vlad finally.
And with that, Jeff gets off and heads to take a pre match shower, as was tradition.
