Time To Turn Gravedigger Into A Jigsaw Puzzle
Nov 13, 2015 13:23:05 GMT -5
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Post by Jayson Price on Nov 13, 2015 13:23:05 GMT -5
The scene opens with a shot of Jayson Price sitting on a folding chair in a rather plain room. It's a far cry from the days of him being filmed in Price Tower. He stares ahead at the camera, a slightly annoyed expression on his face.
Jayson Price: "I really wish that there was just one person out there that could logically explain to me why this match was ever made."
The camera pulls back to reveal that Price is sitting in front of a group of people who are all also seated.
Jayson Price: "I mean, out of all of you here, isn't there just one of you that can give me an answer? A good answer. Not another 'for the lolz'.
Price looks over to the side where an unconscious man is laid out on the ground. He turns his attention back to the group and focuses on a young boy of about 7 years old.
Jayson Price: "How about you? What do you have for me?"
Billy: "I just want to go home now."
Jayson Price: "Now Billy, I've already told you that you can't go home until we figure this out. Now again I ask, what do you have for me?"
Billy: "I don't know?"
Jayson Price: "Well that's disappointing."
Billy flinches in anticipation of the coming punch.
Jayson Price: "Relax, Billy. I don't hit children. Not anymore at least. Too many damn lawsuits come from that shit. What about you?"
Price turns his attention to an older man.
Ted: "Because Corey Black knows that Gravedigger can whoop your butt?"
Jayson Price: "Well now that's the first answer I've heard that has a little logic behind it."
The old man nods his head.
Jayson Price: "Too bad it's absolute shit logic. Gravedigger got the best of me the last time we faced off, but go all the way back to when we first started facing off and I was 'whooping his butt' on a damn near weekly basis. What else do we have?"
Price looks around at the group, waiting for someone to speak up.
Jayson Price: "Seriously? No one? Well then at the least you managed to support my disbelief at the booking of Corey Black."
Ted: "Can we go now?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah, sure, whatever."
Ted: "What about our money? You told us you'd give us each $50 to come in and take part in a discussion."
Jayson Price: "Oh, yeah. That was a lie. Kind of what I do. Now get the fuck out."
The group all start to mumble about unfairness but all it takes is Price pointing to the unconscious man on the floor and they get to their feet without a fight. As they exit, Price pulls out a cigarette, lights it and takes a drag.
Jayson Price: "Well that was a waste of 10 minutes. A god damn focus group with all the key demographics and not one of them could give me just one damn good reason for why Corey Black thought that Jayson Price versus Gravedigger was a match that people wanted to see. I mean, granted, any match featuring me is going to tear the house down. But Gravedigger? Out of all the people that I could possibly face, I get the commentator that makes people miss the days of Lucious Jackson? The fuck kind of Seth Lerch booking logic is this?"
Price takes a drag of his cigarette.
Jayson Price: "Maybe it's Corey thinking that Gravedigger and I are still having a feud. I mean, yeah, because we've totally been feuding lately. Gravedigger has wrestled in exactly one match since One last year and it was the fucking WAR Match, but he and I have been doing so much, right? I mean, come on, outside of him trying to fake a video where he pissed in my IV bag because he was feeling a little forgotten about, the fuck kind of shit has happened to make anyone think a feud is still happening? And you can't even count that faked video bullshit because of how sad it was. I mean, the guy was all set to embarrass me, he shows up at a hospital, the wrong hospital might I add, and decides the best course of action is to pull off that? For shame, Diggles. For shame."
Price takes another drag.
Jayson Price: "But all that aside, Corey, the guy has been a commentator for months now. He showed up at WAR for a nostalgia pop and to pad his WAR stats and that was all. Like I said, he hasn't wrestled in a real god damn match since WAR, and yet you think it's best to stick him in a match against me? And that's not even mentioning the fact that you chose to stick him in a match against me...and it's my god damn match. Yeah, you added the barbed wire, but at the root of it we're looking at a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Match. The match I brought to WCF. The match where I've made people my bitch for years. And you're throwing a fucking commentator into that match against me and adding barbed wire for, what, the giggles? Do you secretly hate Gravedigger more than you hate me and you're hoping I eviscerate him with the barbed wire ropes? Because I was totally planning on doing that anyway, but I can make sure to flash the camera a thumbs up for you if you want."
Price takes another drag.
Jayson Price: "But getting back to my original point, the question I can't seem to get an answer to is who is that wants to see this match? There must be someone, at least one person out there, that wants to see it. Because Corey Black obviously wouldn't have booked it if there wasn't someone who was clamoring for it. Wait. Is it Brad Kane? Is that why he's randomly the guest referee? Is he a secret mark for this quote unquote feud that is still happening between Gravedigger and I? That must be it. He went to Corey Black, begged him to book this match with him as the guest referee and he did it because he's a huge mark that wanted a front row seat. There we go, I fucking figured it out."
Price takes the final drag of his cigarette.
Jayson Price: "Wait. That reason doesn't make a fucking bit of sense. Kind of like this match. Oh hey, look, I came back full fucking circle."
Price flicks the cigarette off to the side and pushes himself up out of his chair.
Jayson Price: "But even ignoring the question of why this was the match that was made, there's still a whole line of questions that still need answered. Like who benefits from watching an announcer get torn to shreds with barbed wire? Is there a secret group that jerks off to attempted murder? Wait. What am I saying? Of course there is. But who else is looking at this match and saying "Well that'll put butts in seats!". The nostalgic fans? The dumb marks that still pop at the mention of Logan? Why the fuck would you want to cater to those losers?"
Price walks over to a nearby table and grabs his WCF Cruiserweight Title.
Jayson Price: "This match is a god damn joke, Corey Black. You threw an announcer into what's going to be the bloodiest match in history for reasons unknown and whatever happens to him is going to be on your hands, not mine. So I hope you get out of it whatever you planned on getting and then learn for next time not to be such a god damn moron."
The scene cuts to black.
Jayson Price: "I really wish that there was just one person out there that could logically explain to me why this match was ever made."
The camera pulls back to reveal that Price is sitting in front of a group of people who are all also seated.
Jayson Price: "I mean, out of all of you here, isn't there just one of you that can give me an answer? A good answer. Not another 'for the lolz'.
Price looks over to the side where an unconscious man is laid out on the ground. He turns his attention back to the group and focuses on a young boy of about 7 years old.
Jayson Price: "How about you? What do you have for me?"
Billy: "I just want to go home now."
Jayson Price: "Now Billy, I've already told you that you can't go home until we figure this out. Now again I ask, what do you have for me?"
Billy: "I don't know?"
Jayson Price: "Well that's disappointing."
Billy flinches in anticipation of the coming punch.
Jayson Price: "Relax, Billy. I don't hit children. Not anymore at least. Too many damn lawsuits come from that shit. What about you?"
Price turns his attention to an older man.
Ted: "Because Corey Black knows that Gravedigger can whoop your butt?"
Jayson Price: "Well now that's the first answer I've heard that has a little logic behind it."
The old man nods his head.
Jayson Price: "Too bad it's absolute shit logic. Gravedigger got the best of me the last time we faced off, but go all the way back to when we first started facing off and I was 'whooping his butt' on a damn near weekly basis. What else do we have?"
Price looks around at the group, waiting for someone to speak up.
Jayson Price: "Seriously? No one? Well then at the least you managed to support my disbelief at the booking of Corey Black."
Ted: "Can we go now?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah, sure, whatever."
Ted: "What about our money? You told us you'd give us each $50 to come in and take part in a discussion."
Jayson Price: "Oh, yeah. That was a lie. Kind of what I do. Now get the fuck out."
The group all start to mumble about unfairness but all it takes is Price pointing to the unconscious man on the floor and they get to their feet without a fight. As they exit, Price pulls out a cigarette, lights it and takes a drag.
Jayson Price: "Well that was a waste of 10 minutes. A god damn focus group with all the key demographics and not one of them could give me just one damn good reason for why Corey Black thought that Jayson Price versus Gravedigger was a match that people wanted to see. I mean, granted, any match featuring me is going to tear the house down. But Gravedigger? Out of all the people that I could possibly face, I get the commentator that makes people miss the days of Lucious Jackson? The fuck kind of Seth Lerch booking logic is this?"
Price takes a drag of his cigarette.
Jayson Price: "Maybe it's Corey thinking that Gravedigger and I are still having a feud. I mean, yeah, because we've totally been feuding lately. Gravedigger has wrestled in exactly one match since One last year and it was the fucking WAR Match, but he and I have been doing so much, right? I mean, come on, outside of him trying to fake a video where he pissed in my IV bag because he was feeling a little forgotten about, the fuck kind of shit has happened to make anyone think a feud is still happening? And you can't even count that faked video bullshit because of how sad it was. I mean, the guy was all set to embarrass me, he shows up at a hospital, the wrong hospital might I add, and decides the best course of action is to pull off that? For shame, Diggles. For shame."
Price takes another drag.
Jayson Price: "But all that aside, Corey, the guy has been a commentator for months now. He showed up at WAR for a nostalgia pop and to pad his WAR stats and that was all. Like I said, he hasn't wrestled in a real god damn match since WAR, and yet you think it's best to stick him in a match against me? And that's not even mentioning the fact that you chose to stick him in a match against me...and it's my god damn match. Yeah, you added the barbed wire, but at the root of it we're looking at a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Match. The match I brought to WCF. The match where I've made people my bitch for years. And you're throwing a fucking commentator into that match against me and adding barbed wire for, what, the giggles? Do you secretly hate Gravedigger more than you hate me and you're hoping I eviscerate him with the barbed wire ropes? Because I was totally planning on doing that anyway, but I can make sure to flash the camera a thumbs up for you if you want."
Price takes another drag.
Jayson Price: "But getting back to my original point, the question I can't seem to get an answer to is who is that wants to see this match? There must be someone, at least one person out there, that wants to see it. Because Corey Black obviously wouldn't have booked it if there wasn't someone who was clamoring for it. Wait. Is it Brad Kane? Is that why he's randomly the guest referee? Is he a secret mark for this quote unquote feud that is still happening between Gravedigger and I? That must be it. He went to Corey Black, begged him to book this match with him as the guest referee and he did it because he's a huge mark that wanted a front row seat. There we go, I fucking figured it out."
Price takes the final drag of his cigarette.
Jayson Price: "Wait. That reason doesn't make a fucking bit of sense. Kind of like this match. Oh hey, look, I came back full fucking circle."
Price flicks the cigarette off to the side and pushes himself up out of his chair.
Jayson Price: "But even ignoring the question of why this was the match that was made, there's still a whole line of questions that still need answered. Like who benefits from watching an announcer get torn to shreds with barbed wire? Is there a secret group that jerks off to attempted murder? Wait. What am I saying? Of course there is. But who else is looking at this match and saying "Well that'll put butts in seats!". The nostalgic fans? The dumb marks that still pop at the mention of Logan? Why the fuck would you want to cater to those losers?"
Price walks over to a nearby table and grabs his WCF Cruiserweight Title.
Jayson Price: "This match is a god damn joke, Corey Black. You threw an announcer into what's going to be the bloodiest match in history for reasons unknown and whatever happens to him is going to be on your hands, not mine. So I hope you get out of it whatever you planned on getting and then learn for next time not to be such a god damn moron."
The scene cuts to black.
