Post by Jack of Blades on Apr 5, 2007 15:57:28 GMT -5
Jack's Anatomy
Much has been said about the opinions, stratagems and obsessions of current World Champion, Jack of Blades. But a true reflection of his physical attributes has never been shown till now. In this deeply intrusive feature, we shall be examining the physiology of the sociopathic Brit with the tenacity of an invading alien fleet taking notes on the soon-to-be-conquered species of Planet Earth.
Jack's Brain
Perhaps the most notable aspect of Jack of Blades comes from his astute perception of the world that surrounds him. Although such a view could also be derived from cataracts, his vision is likely a byproduct of the gargantuan thinking muscle encased in his cranium. Weighing two tons, Jack's brain can be best described through metaphor. Consider a computer in its early stages of being switched on. Through calculation, process and connection it arrives at a state of full accessibility (as long as you're not using a Windows system) in which the possibilities are unlimited. Now imagine that this computer is hooked up to the internet where it has access to a plethora of other computers all with comparable potential. This is Jack.
To further the true denotation of Jack's thought box, think of it as a sister to 'Krang' from 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' without the facial features.
Jack's Hair
Another trait worthy of noteage is the flowing locks of the World Champion. As ebony as Hitler's wretched soul and as soft as Arnold Schwarznegger is on convicted felons suffering from severe mental retardation, Jack's hair has had hairdressers waging war over just who will get an opportunity to craft the silky dimensions. However, Jack isn't overly-protective over his hair allowing wildlife to live within the safe commune. Of course, Jack's hair is a rather exclusive area and only allows the highest rent of parasites like people who refer to things as 'retro', the British Royal Family and those comic vagrants who Adam Sandler insists on including in any of his pisswater attempts at cinema.
Jack is more than willing to allow low-wage celebrities to borrow his air like Edward Furlong on the proviso that he stops making half-assed attempts at being 'indie' sic freeing lobsters from a sushi bar. It should also be noted that even though Jack's hair is of mangod quality, his ego does not drive him to make it the focal point of the biggest show available with his profession unlike others involved.
Jack's Heart
As legendary as the Treasure of the Sierra Madre and found with as much difficulty, Jack's heart has baffled many scientists as they try to find how he manages to survive without a fully functioning circulation system. Functioning at -5000. centegrade, Jack's heart is known as the coldest place in the world excluding Seth Lerch's underwear.
Close up of Jack's heart as featured above.[/i][/color]
Jack's Penis
Perhaps the most ambiguous tool of Blades'; it has been known to most as the Bastard Clown's 'Swiss Army Knife.' Capable of fulfilling 74 different purposes, Jack's 'porksword' is not only a useful tool in the bedroom but also camping, cooking, cleaning, film-making and dentistry.
A single image of Jack's renowned sex-tackle chosen out of many available on the internet.
Much has been said about the opinions, stratagems and obsessions of current World Champion, Jack of Blades. But a true reflection of his physical attributes has never been shown till now. In this deeply intrusive feature, we shall be examining the physiology of the sociopathic Brit with the tenacity of an invading alien fleet taking notes on the soon-to-be-conquered species of Planet Earth.
Jack's Brain
Perhaps the most notable aspect of Jack of Blades comes from his astute perception of the world that surrounds him. Although such a view could also be derived from cataracts, his vision is likely a byproduct of the gargantuan thinking muscle encased in his cranium. Weighing two tons, Jack's brain can be best described through metaphor. Consider a computer in its early stages of being switched on. Through calculation, process and connection it arrives at a state of full accessibility (as long as you're not using a Windows system) in which the possibilities are unlimited. Now imagine that this computer is hooked up to the internet where it has access to a plethora of other computers all with comparable potential. This is Jack.
To further the true denotation of Jack's thought box, think of it as a sister to 'Krang' from 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' without the facial features.
Jack's Hair
Another trait worthy of noteage is the flowing locks of the World Champion. As ebony as Hitler's wretched soul and as soft as Arnold Schwarznegger is on convicted felons suffering from severe mental retardation, Jack's hair has had hairdressers waging war over just who will get an opportunity to craft the silky dimensions. However, Jack isn't overly-protective over his hair allowing wildlife to live within the safe commune. Of course, Jack's hair is a rather exclusive area and only allows the highest rent of parasites like people who refer to things as 'retro', the British Royal Family and those comic vagrants who Adam Sandler insists on including in any of his pisswater attempts at cinema.
Jack is more than willing to allow low-wage celebrities to borrow his air like Edward Furlong on the proviso that he stops making half-assed attempts at being 'indie' sic freeing lobsters from a sushi bar. It should also be noted that even though Jack's hair is of mangod quality, his ego does not drive him to make it the focal point of the biggest show available with his profession unlike others involved.
Jack's Heart
As legendary as the Treasure of the Sierra Madre and found with as much difficulty, Jack's heart has baffled many scientists as they try to find how he manages to survive without a fully functioning circulation system. Functioning at -5000. centegrade, Jack's heart is known as the coldest place in the world excluding Seth Lerch's underwear.
Close up of Jack's heart as featured above.[/i][/color]
Jack's Penis
Perhaps the most ambiguous tool of Blades'; it has been known to most as the Bastard Clown's 'Swiss Army Knife.' Capable of fulfilling 74 different purposes, Jack's 'porksword' is not only a useful tool in the bedroom but also camping, cooking, cleaning, film-making and dentistry.
A single image of Jack's renowned sex-tackle chosen out of many available on the internet.
