Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2007 12:38:44 GMT -5
(Wong's China Palace is a popular Chinese restaurant located on the outskirts of Farmington, Connecticut. In addition to being frequented by many of the locals, it has become a sanctuary for Bobby Cairo. The proprietor of the establishment is Bruce Wong, a Mr. Miyagi-like figure who took Cairo under his wing during Cairo's recent hiatus from WCF. At this present moment Cairo is enjoying his lunch, a plate of chicken chow mein complimented by a side of egg rolls. Cairo is well-dressed in a long-sleeved brown velvet shirt, black slacks and a pair of Timberland boots, but he's still wearing the bandages on his forehead that resulted from Lawnmower Jones' attack six days earlier. Nevertheless, nothing picks up Cairo's spirits quite like a plate of chow mein. Cairo's mentor Mr. Wong joins him, as usual.)
Bobby Cairo: "Damn! This some good ass chow mein!"
Bruce Wong: "Indeed, Bobby-san. Chow mein made with 100% real bird meat."
(Cairo shoves another forkful into his mouth.)
Bobby Cairo: "I'm telling you, Mr. Wong, this is even better than KFC! The only thing that's missing is some biscuits and gravy. Maybe some mashed potatoes. Mac and cheese. Potato salad."
(Mr. Wong takes a sip of tea and gazes at the newspaper that’s in front of him on the table.)
Bruce Wong: "Sorry, Bobby-san. Only serve authentic Chinese cuisine."
Bobby Cairo: "Fair enough. You got any malt liquor, Mr. Wong? This food is great, but my throat is a little parched."
(Mr. Wong looks up from his paper.)
Bruce Wong: "Sorry, Bobby-san. Only serve Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Fanta--"
(Cairo's eyes light up like a little kid opening a present on Christmas morning.)
Bobby Cairo: "Ooh, Fanta! I'll take it!"
Bruce Wong: "One Fanta coming right up, Bobby-san."
(Cairo stuffs an egg roll into his mouth while Mr. Wong leaves to get his drink. After swallowing the egg roll Cairo belches loudly, mortifying the other patrons in the restaurant.)
Bobby Cairo: "Sorry, everybody. Don't let me disturb your meals."
(Mr. Wong returns with a bottle of Fanta and places it down onto the table.)
Bruce Wong: "Here you go, Bobby-san. Enjoy."
Bobby Cairo: "Thank you, Mr. Wong. I think I scared some of the other customers away."
(Cairo twists the cap off the Fanta and sucks down half the bottle before letting out another obnoxious belch. He stares down at the bottle with glee.)
Bobby Cairo: "I love this shit. The commercials are gay as hell, but that's a fine soda product."
(Mr. Wong shakes his head and chuckles. Cairo wipes his face with a napkin.)
Bobby Cairo: "Mr. Wong, you're a very wise man. You've lived a full life, I'm sure you've had your share of poonanny. Do you think I should call Alanis Morissette and ask her out? We met backstage at a Lamb of God concert in Puerto Rico last month and she gave me her phone number, but I just don't know if she's my type."
Bruce Wong: "To make honey young bee need young flower, not old prune."
(Cairo nods his head.)
Bobby Cairo: "I see your point."
(Cairo strokes his imaginary beard while pondering his situation.)
Bobby Cairo: "Hmm...Do you think Scarlett Johansson would go out with me?"
(Mr. Wong bursts into laughter and slams the table with his fist.)
Bruce Wong: "Bobby-san, you bunch of humor!"
(Cairo's face turns red and he jumps up from his seat.)
Bobby Cairo: "What do you mean, old man?! I'm a wrestling superstar with a bank account to match!"
Bruce Wong: "Bobby-san, young Hollywood flower like Scarlett Johansson-san date young Hollywood bee like Josh Hartnett-san, not young pro wrestling bee like Bobby Cairo-san."
Bobby Cairo: "So, basically what you're saying is that she's a whore and I'm too good for her?"
(Mr. Wong rolls his eyes.)
Bruce Wong: "In not so many words, Bobby-san."
(Cairo smiles and goes back to eating his lunch. Mr. Wong sighs and takes another sip of tea.)
Bruce Wong: "So, Bobby-san, how you feel for match tomorrow?"
(Cairo puts his fork down on his plate and runs his hands through his hair.)
Bobby Cairo: "I feel good, Mr. Wong. I feel strong. But I gotta tell you that Lawnmower Jones guy is truly insane. He reminds me of myself back when I used to be hopped up on pills all the time."
Bruce Wong: "I recall, Bobby-san. You still owe me money for breaking antique vase during crazed rampage."
Bobby Cairo: "Oh, right...The thing about this Jones character is that he's a very good technician in the ring. Not as good as me mind you, but pretty damn solid. Normally insane people are brawlers, just look at Abyss, Mick Foley, Lex Luger, etc. But this guy is different. His in-ring persona is the complete opposite of his usual demeanor. That's where the x-factor comes into play. I stole his freakin' lawnmower, Lonnie, and now I'm inside his head. I have that son of a biznitch Jones exactly where I want him."
(Cairo chuckles slightly before bursting into laughter.)
Bobby Cairo: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! He's probably crying himself to sleep every night! All because of a lawnmower! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
(Mr. Wong has a disgusted look on his face.)
Bruce Wong: "Enjoying yourself, Bobby-san?"
Bobby Cairo: "Actually I am enjoying myself, Mr. Wong. I think that's my right after that lunatic blindsided me and tried to kill me."
Bruce Wong: "You look for revenge that way, Bobby-san, start by digging two graves."
Bobby Cairo: "Oh come on, Mr. Wong! If a man can't enjoy reveling in the misery of his enemies then what's the point of being alive?"
Bruce Wong: "First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Bobby-san, not mine. Now use head for something other than target."
Bobby Cairo: "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I get what you're saying, Mr. Wong."
(Cairo picks up his fork from his plate and starts eating again.)
Bruce Wong: "Correct me if wrong, but this is tag team contest?"
Bobby Cairo: "Yes, sir. It's me and Conrad Howell against Jones and JJ Biggs."
Bruce Wong: "What you know about this Conrad Howell?"
Bobby Cairo: "He's a tough kid. Not much history in WCF, but he's climbed up to the #1 contendership for the TV title. He should do a pretty good job watching my back, not that I need him or anything. Because obviously I can take care of myself."
(That comment causes Mr. Wong to raise his brow.)
Bruce Wong: "Obviously. What about JJ Biggs? If memory serves correctly he was reason you had nervous breakdown?"
Bobby Cairo: "Well, that's what he claims. Although I think my breakdown was the result of a chemical imbalance. I simply had too much testosterone. My body couldn't handle it all."
Bruce Wong: "So you have no worry about Biggs?"
Bobby Cairo: "The only thing that concerns me about Biggs is his latently homosexual tendencies. From a wrestling standpoint I'm not worried, but when you have a 7-foot tall, 300 pound man who's trying to grind himself against you, that's always a concern."
(Mr. Wong has an alarmed expression on his face.)
Bruce Wong: "JJ Biggs is poofter?"
Bobby Cairo: "Well, I don't know exactly, but you should've seen the way he used to look at me in the locker room!"
Bruce Wong: "Maybe you had toilet paper on your boot?"
(Cairo pauses for a moment, as if trying to remember something.)
Bobby Cairo: "Now that you mention it, I think I did. Boy, that's a big relief! I was always worried that Biggs had the hots for me! I mean I would certainly be flattered and all, but I just don't think that--"
Bruce Wong: "Bobby-san, please stop talk now."
Bobby Cairo: "Yes, sir."
(Cairo finishes his lunch quietly while Mr. Wong tends to the other customers in the restaurant.)
Bobby Cairo: "Damn! This some good ass chow mein!"
Bruce Wong: "Indeed, Bobby-san. Chow mein made with 100% real bird meat."
(Cairo shoves another forkful into his mouth.)
Bobby Cairo: "I'm telling you, Mr. Wong, this is even better than KFC! The only thing that's missing is some biscuits and gravy. Maybe some mashed potatoes. Mac and cheese. Potato salad."
(Mr. Wong takes a sip of tea and gazes at the newspaper that’s in front of him on the table.)
Bruce Wong: "Sorry, Bobby-san. Only serve authentic Chinese cuisine."
Bobby Cairo: "Fair enough. You got any malt liquor, Mr. Wong? This food is great, but my throat is a little parched."
(Mr. Wong looks up from his paper.)
Bruce Wong: "Sorry, Bobby-san. Only serve Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Fanta--"
(Cairo's eyes light up like a little kid opening a present on Christmas morning.)
Bobby Cairo: "Ooh, Fanta! I'll take it!"
Bruce Wong: "One Fanta coming right up, Bobby-san."
(Cairo stuffs an egg roll into his mouth while Mr. Wong leaves to get his drink. After swallowing the egg roll Cairo belches loudly, mortifying the other patrons in the restaurant.)
Bobby Cairo: "Sorry, everybody. Don't let me disturb your meals."
(Mr. Wong returns with a bottle of Fanta and places it down onto the table.)
Bruce Wong: "Here you go, Bobby-san. Enjoy."
Bobby Cairo: "Thank you, Mr. Wong. I think I scared some of the other customers away."
(Cairo twists the cap off the Fanta and sucks down half the bottle before letting out another obnoxious belch. He stares down at the bottle with glee.)
Bobby Cairo: "I love this shit. The commercials are gay as hell, but that's a fine soda product."
(Mr. Wong shakes his head and chuckles. Cairo wipes his face with a napkin.)
Bobby Cairo: "Mr. Wong, you're a very wise man. You've lived a full life, I'm sure you've had your share of poonanny. Do you think I should call Alanis Morissette and ask her out? We met backstage at a Lamb of God concert in Puerto Rico last month and she gave me her phone number, but I just don't know if she's my type."
Bruce Wong: "To make honey young bee need young flower, not old prune."
(Cairo nods his head.)
Bobby Cairo: "I see your point."
(Cairo strokes his imaginary beard while pondering his situation.)
Bobby Cairo: "Hmm...Do you think Scarlett Johansson would go out with me?"
(Mr. Wong bursts into laughter and slams the table with his fist.)
Bruce Wong: "Bobby-san, you bunch of humor!"
(Cairo's face turns red and he jumps up from his seat.)
Bobby Cairo: "What do you mean, old man?! I'm a wrestling superstar with a bank account to match!"
Bruce Wong: "Bobby-san, young Hollywood flower like Scarlett Johansson-san date young Hollywood bee like Josh Hartnett-san, not young pro wrestling bee like Bobby Cairo-san."
Bobby Cairo: "So, basically what you're saying is that she's a whore and I'm too good for her?"
(Mr. Wong rolls his eyes.)
Bruce Wong: "In not so many words, Bobby-san."
(Cairo smiles and goes back to eating his lunch. Mr. Wong sighs and takes another sip of tea.)
Bruce Wong: "So, Bobby-san, how you feel for match tomorrow?"
(Cairo puts his fork down on his plate and runs his hands through his hair.)
Bobby Cairo: "I feel good, Mr. Wong. I feel strong. But I gotta tell you that Lawnmower Jones guy is truly insane. He reminds me of myself back when I used to be hopped up on pills all the time."
Bruce Wong: "I recall, Bobby-san. You still owe me money for breaking antique vase during crazed rampage."
Bobby Cairo: "Oh, right...The thing about this Jones character is that he's a very good technician in the ring. Not as good as me mind you, but pretty damn solid. Normally insane people are brawlers, just look at Abyss, Mick Foley, Lex Luger, etc. But this guy is different. His in-ring persona is the complete opposite of his usual demeanor. That's where the x-factor comes into play. I stole his freakin' lawnmower, Lonnie, and now I'm inside his head. I have that son of a biznitch Jones exactly where I want him."
(Cairo chuckles slightly before bursting into laughter.)
Bobby Cairo: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! He's probably crying himself to sleep every night! All because of a lawnmower! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
(Mr. Wong has a disgusted look on his face.)
Bruce Wong: "Enjoying yourself, Bobby-san?"
Bobby Cairo: "Actually I am enjoying myself, Mr. Wong. I think that's my right after that lunatic blindsided me and tried to kill me."
Bruce Wong: "You look for revenge that way, Bobby-san, start by digging two graves."
Bobby Cairo: "Oh come on, Mr. Wong! If a man can't enjoy reveling in the misery of his enemies then what's the point of being alive?"
Bruce Wong: "First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Bobby-san, not mine. Now use head for something other than target."
Bobby Cairo: "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I get what you're saying, Mr. Wong."
(Cairo picks up his fork from his plate and starts eating again.)
Bruce Wong: "Correct me if wrong, but this is tag team contest?"
Bobby Cairo: "Yes, sir. It's me and Conrad Howell against Jones and JJ Biggs."
Bruce Wong: "What you know about this Conrad Howell?"
Bobby Cairo: "He's a tough kid. Not much history in WCF, but he's climbed up to the #1 contendership for the TV title. He should do a pretty good job watching my back, not that I need him or anything. Because obviously I can take care of myself."
(That comment causes Mr. Wong to raise his brow.)
Bruce Wong: "Obviously. What about JJ Biggs? If memory serves correctly he was reason you had nervous breakdown?"
Bobby Cairo: "Well, that's what he claims. Although I think my breakdown was the result of a chemical imbalance. I simply had too much testosterone. My body couldn't handle it all."
Bruce Wong: "So you have no worry about Biggs?"
Bobby Cairo: "The only thing that concerns me about Biggs is his latently homosexual tendencies. From a wrestling standpoint I'm not worried, but when you have a 7-foot tall, 300 pound man who's trying to grind himself against you, that's always a concern."
(Mr. Wong has an alarmed expression on his face.)
Bruce Wong: "JJ Biggs is poofter?"
Bobby Cairo: "Well, I don't know exactly, but you should've seen the way he used to look at me in the locker room!"
Bruce Wong: "Maybe you had toilet paper on your boot?"
(Cairo pauses for a moment, as if trying to remember something.)
Bobby Cairo: "Now that you mention it, I think I did. Boy, that's a big relief! I was always worried that Biggs had the hots for me! I mean I would certainly be flattered and all, but I just don't think that--"
Bruce Wong: "Bobby-san, please stop talk now."
Bobby Cairo: "Yes, sir."
(Cairo finishes his lunch quietly while Mr. Wong tends to the other customers in the restaurant.)
