Post by madddogg on Apr 22, 2007 2:26:05 GMT -5
So four people sitting around a table in complete silence, staring at their feet. Nothing awkward about that. Especially in a busy restuarant filled with the happy chatter of dozens of couples, a family or two for variety, and a cub scout pack (God only knows why they'd be at an expensive restaurant billed as having the perfect romantic atmosphere...then again, they are with a creepy looking scoutmaster) seated around several booths in the corner. Somehow, Logan had seen this going differently in his head.
"Soooooo..."
"Oh shut the hell up. That's the sixth time you've said that. You're not starting the conversation by saying that over and over, you douche."
God he wanted to just bitch slap her, watch her head bounce off of...something, ANYTHING, teach her a lesson. No one talked to him like that. But he needed her for his plan, so he let it slide...again. It was like having an entire emo convention condenced down into a single annoying person and being held in perpetuity in his living room. Everything was there: the pale skin, the bad hair, the never ending black clothes (would it kill her to wear a color...blue is still somewhat dark), the awful "I hate my parents for loving me" music, the whining, the cutting, even the "Why me? I wish I could die" crap oozing out of her every pore. If there was ever a case for Survival of the Fittest being complete and utter bullshit...well, he was staring at it.
A quick whisper to Dogg... "Hey, say something nice."
"Something nice!"
"No stupid...be thoughtful. Tell her she looks pretty or something."
"You look pretty or something."
Her arms slide defiantly across her less than ample chest. "Whatever. Can we go home now?"
"Well, this is going great. Way to go Madd Dogg."
"Thanks Logan."
And they slip back into the uncomfortable silence. At this point he wasn't sure what was worse, the uncomfortable silence, or the uncomfortable talking. Perhaps Joe could make this work. Joe always seemed to know what to do.
"Joe, say something. Do something. Just...make this double date thing work."
Joe's eyebrows raised, half in confusion, and most likely the rest in revulsion. "Double date?"
"You know what I mean. Four of us. It's kinda like a double date."
"Well, who am I with? Sandy and Madd Dogg are together. So what...I'm your date?"
"Um, no, Joe, cause I'm not gay. So, I guess that means that Sandy's with me and you're...Madd Dogg's date. He did admit at the hospital that he's got a gay thing for me. So why not you?"
Upon hearing that Joe is his new date, Dogg's head turns towards him. Reaching under the table he pulls out the mostly dead bouqet and hands it across the table to Joe.
"I'm supposed to give this to my date."
Logan laughs so hard he falls out of his chair sideways, attracting the entire restaurant's attention to their table. Hundreds of eyes see Dogg handing Joe a grouping of flowers. More then one onlooker shakes their head at the scene. The scoutmaster pulls one of the boys in and hides his face in his lap. Cheeks turning almost flourescent red, Joe jumps to his feet and starts heading away.
"Screw you Logan. I don't need this shit. I'm going home. I'll see you at Slam."
Part of him wants to call Joe back. This evening is failing quick, and his plan is looking less and less feasible. He needs Sandy and Dogg to fall in love, but it isn't happening and he can't figure out why. And his only chance at figuring it out is leaving. Part of him call him back, beg for his help, tell him that he'll do whatever it takes to get Joe's help.
The rest of him is too busy laying on the floor laughing like a hyena.
"That. Is. Frigging. priceless." Each word escapes in a breath after gales of hysterical laughter.
The waiter returns, lips curled and nose scrunched in disgust at the appaling behavior of the unmannered guests sullying the atmosphere. Gingerly, he sets down a burned steak in front of Sandy, a salad in front of Madd Dogg, and a pizza in front of Logan. Without asking if they are ok, if they need anything, he turns and leaves them. After all, they have proven themselves below his standards.
"Look, Logan, I know we have a deal and all, but this is too much. This sucks. I don't know what the hell is up with Madd Dogg, but he looks like a circus clown. Dead flowers and an empty box of chocolates sure as hell aren't my idea of a good time. This restaurant sucks, everyone is staring at us, and on top of it all I'm missing Law and Order: Eternal Sequel. I wanna go home."
"C'mon Sandy. I know he's not exactly Mr. Romance, but give the guy a break. He's damn near a serial killer. I'm sure in his mind what he's done is horribly romantic."
She pulls back from him, eyes wide. "He's a serial killer? You've been having me hang out with a serial killer?"
"You didn't know? Oh, crap."
"So what was the plan you sick ass freak? He'd kill me one day and it'd be all good because I'm just a homeless junkie?"
"No, it's not even like that! He's not a killer anymore. His brains all scrambled eggs nowadays. If anything, he's probably retarded now!"
"So, you've paired me with a retarded serial killer? This just keeps getting better and better!"
"Really, it's not that bad. Say something Madd Dogg. Make her feel at ease. Prove you don't have bad intentions."
Every single person in the restaurant is staring now as Sandy is screaming at the top of her lungs, Logan trying his best to placate her and Dogg just sitting there like an idiotic grinder monkey, waiting to be told what to do. The feverish pitch of the conversation slipping away from him, Logan tosses the ball in Madd Dogg's court, hoping that Dogg can somehow fix this. They both stare at him for several moments...waiting as he looks at one, then the other, going back and forth, then finally looking at the table. After what seems an enternity, but can't be more than a couple of seconds, he speaks.
"My butt itches."
Sandy turns back on Logan. "The hell with this Logan. And the hell with you. I'm going home. I....I...Screw you Logan." She grabs her purse and storms past Logan, and pauses at Madd Dogg, "And you, stop being such a damn freak." She runs out of the restuarant, slamming the door so hard behind her that the glass breaks and falls out of the frame.
Logan stands there momentarily, mouth ajar. Then he looks at Dogg. "Do something!" The only response is Madd Dogg taking care of the problem he'd told Logan he had. "Oh, screw it. I'll fix this. Somehow."
"I don't know Logan. The more you talked, the angrier she got."
"Well, it's not like you were any help!" And with that Logan stormed out after her, steping through the missing door, instead of opening it. On the way out his pants tear on a remaining shard of glass. He curses before running off, shouting Sandy's name.
One of the boy scouts slides over to Madd Dogg. "What was that all about?"
"I was on a date."
The little boy starts picking his nose, and regarding Madd Dogg with an odd expression. "That didn't seem much like a date."
"Yea, I don't think it went very well."
"Soooooo..."
"Oh shut the hell up. That's the sixth time you've said that. You're not starting the conversation by saying that over and over, you douche."
God he wanted to just bitch slap her, watch her head bounce off of...something, ANYTHING, teach her a lesson. No one talked to him like that. But he needed her for his plan, so he let it slide...again. It was like having an entire emo convention condenced down into a single annoying person and being held in perpetuity in his living room. Everything was there: the pale skin, the bad hair, the never ending black clothes (would it kill her to wear a color...blue is still somewhat dark), the awful "I hate my parents for loving me" music, the whining, the cutting, even the "Why me? I wish I could die" crap oozing out of her every pore. If there was ever a case for Survival of the Fittest being complete and utter bullshit...well, he was staring at it.
A quick whisper to Dogg... "Hey, say something nice."
"Something nice!"
"No stupid...be thoughtful. Tell her she looks pretty or something."
"You look pretty or something."
Her arms slide defiantly across her less than ample chest. "Whatever. Can we go home now?"
"Well, this is going great. Way to go Madd Dogg."
"Thanks Logan."
And they slip back into the uncomfortable silence. At this point he wasn't sure what was worse, the uncomfortable silence, or the uncomfortable talking. Perhaps Joe could make this work. Joe always seemed to know what to do.
"Joe, say something. Do something. Just...make this double date thing work."
Joe's eyebrows raised, half in confusion, and most likely the rest in revulsion. "Double date?"
"You know what I mean. Four of us. It's kinda like a double date."
"Well, who am I with? Sandy and Madd Dogg are together. So what...I'm your date?"
"Um, no, Joe, cause I'm not gay. So, I guess that means that Sandy's with me and you're...Madd Dogg's date. He did admit at the hospital that he's got a gay thing for me. So why not you?"
Upon hearing that Joe is his new date, Dogg's head turns towards him. Reaching under the table he pulls out the mostly dead bouqet and hands it across the table to Joe.
"I'm supposed to give this to my date."
Logan laughs so hard he falls out of his chair sideways, attracting the entire restaurant's attention to their table. Hundreds of eyes see Dogg handing Joe a grouping of flowers. More then one onlooker shakes their head at the scene. The scoutmaster pulls one of the boys in and hides his face in his lap. Cheeks turning almost flourescent red, Joe jumps to his feet and starts heading away.
"Screw you Logan. I don't need this shit. I'm going home. I'll see you at Slam."
Part of him wants to call Joe back. This evening is failing quick, and his plan is looking less and less feasible. He needs Sandy and Dogg to fall in love, but it isn't happening and he can't figure out why. And his only chance at figuring it out is leaving. Part of him call him back, beg for his help, tell him that he'll do whatever it takes to get Joe's help.
The rest of him is too busy laying on the floor laughing like a hyena.
"That. Is. Frigging. priceless." Each word escapes in a breath after gales of hysterical laughter.
The waiter returns, lips curled and nose scrunched in disgust at the appaling behavior of the unmannered guests sullying the atmosphere. Gingerly, he sets down a burned steak in front of Sandy, a salad in front of Madd Dogg, and a pizza in front of Logan. Without asking if they are ok, if they need anything, he turns and leaves them. After all, they have proven themselves below his standards.
"Look, Logan, I know we have a deal and all, but this is too much. This sucks. I don't know what the hell is up with Madd Dogg, but he looks like a circus clown. Dead flowers and an empty box of chocolates sure as hell aren't my idea of a good time. This restaurant sucks, everyone is staring at us, and on top of it all I'm missing Law and Order: Eternal Sequel. I wanna go home."
"C'mon Sandy. I know he's not exactly Mr. Romance, but give the guy a break. He's damn near a serial killer. I'm sure in his mind what he's done is horribly romantic."
She pulls back from him, eyes wide. "He's a serial killer? You've been having me hang out with a serial killer?"
"You didn't know? Oh, crap."
"So what was the plan you sick ass freak? He'd kill me one day and it'd be all good because I'm just a homeless junkie?"
"No, it's not even like that! He's not a killer anymore. His brains all scrambled eggs nowadays. If anything, he's probably retarded now!"
"So, you've paired me with a retarded serial killer? This just keeps getting better and better!"
"Really, it's not that bad. Say something Madd Dogg. Make her feel at ease. Prove you don't have bad intentions."
Every single person in the restaurant is staring now as Sandy is screaming at the top of her lungs, Logan trying his best to placate her and Dogg just sitting there like an idiotic grinder monkey, waiting to be told what to do. The feverish pitch of the conversation slipping away from him, Logan tosses the ball in Madd Dogg's court, hoping that Dogg can somehow fix this. They both stare at him for several moments...waiting as he looks at one, then the other, going back and forth, then finally looking at the table. After what seems an enternity, but can't be more than a couple of seconds, he speaks.
"My butt itches."
Sandy turns back on Logan. "The hell with this Logan. And the hell with you. I'm going home. I....I...Screw you Logan." She grabs her purse and storms past Logan, and pauses at Madd Dogg, "And you, stop being such a damn freak." She runs out of the restuarant, slamming the door so hard behind her that the glass breaks and falls out of the frame.
Logan stands there momentarily, mouth ajar. Then he looks at Dogg. "Do something!" The only response is Madd Dogg taking care of the problem he'd told Logan he had. "Oh, screw it. I'll fix this. Somehow."
"I don't know Logan. The more you talked, the angrier she got."
"Well, it's not like you were any help!" And with that Logan stormed out after her, steping through the missing door, instead of opening it. On the way out his pants tear on a remaining shard of glass. He curses before running off, shouting Sandy's name.
One of the boy scouts slides over to Madd Dogg. "What was that all about?"
"I was on a date."
The little boy starts picking his nose, and regarding Madd Dogg with an odd expression. "That didn't seem much like a date."
"Yea, I don't think it went very well."
