Post by kennydrake on Oct 12, 2015 0:32:22 GMT -5
PDXpress.com - 12:30 am
PORTLAND, OR
by Phillip Bean
Three unidentified men have been severely injured following an altercation at an art gallery opening in South Portland last night. The three were said to be beaten with a full wine bottle (allegedly a "vintage Chardonnay...from France") in full view of the attendees.
One eyewitness, who wishes to remain Anonymous, says of the fracas:
"The three guys were talking to the owner about a photo - which was totally amateur, by the way - and how they thought it was a post-modern interpretation of the Apartheid. The owner - I know him personally - then said it was actually a minimalist rendering of post-war Sweden, and I guess one of the three laughed or something? So the owner just, like, got really mad and grabbed that vintage Chardonnay - I know a lot about wine, it's one of my passions - and just started clubbing them in the head. It looked like a really ironic whack-a-mole."
The owner, identified as professional wrestler Kenny Drake, has not issued a statement personally, though his lawyer had this to say to PDXpress.
"Kenny Drake will be fine. He'll make it to his first match in the WCF against Dexter Radcliffe."
As of now, no charges have been filed against Mr. Drake.
In fact, the three victims issued an apology to Mr. Drake shortly after their admittance to Portland Hospital. Their official statement was sent to the editor at The Oregonian, who graciously shared it with PDXpress.com.
"I, Connor Sheldon, would like to publically apologize to Mr. Kenny Drake for provoking him to the point of attack. Kenny Drake is an upstanding person and a Portland Icon that deserves the respect of not only myself, but all of the inhabitants of Portland, if not Oregon in general. His commitment to the arts and the promotion of professional wrestling in Portland has personally benefitted my life, and I thank Kenny Drake for that.
Once again, I would like to say that I am sorry for provoking Kenny Drake.
Thank You, Mr. Drake
- Connor Sheldon"
AND NOW MY SHITTY PERSPECTIVE:
How long are we going to allow this to happen? How many times has Kenny Drake got off scot free for truly horrible crimes? Remember when he nearly choked a man to death in broad daylight, and he said it was "performance art?"
He snapped a mans neck in the ring and his lawyers got the man fired. For ENDANGERING KENNY.
He held a public training session, and beat his partner bloody. It was called a "Hardcore Exhibition."
Here's the thing: his people have claimed that he's calmed down. From a wrestling standpoint, at least. His tryout match with WCF went smoothly, his time in their development system went fine, I guess. His camp has even stated that his debut match will be a showing of the "New Kenny Drake" and a "subdued, but still highly effective, style." That's fine.
It's outside of the ring that I'm worried about.
Kenny Drake is, in my opinion, a threat to society. He's like That Yellow Bastard from "Sin City." A dickless freak who can get away with anything he wants. I'm not sure if he's dickless or not, but he's probably small.
Scary son of a bitch.
