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Post by kennydrake on Oct 11, 2015 23:38:42 GMT -5
Hello, everyone!
So I was hoping to get some feedback on my first promo here, for Slam 10/11/15.
Just to let you guys know, this is my first promo not only as this character, but in a looooooong long time.
I got smoked by Dexter back there, so any help to up my game would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks guys! |
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Kyle
Mid-Carder
Posts: 967
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Post by Kyle on Oct 12, 2015 10:10:16 GMT -5
First off, want to give you a warm welcome to the WCF, since I don't think I got a chance when you were in the WAR Chat. And with that, onto the task at hand.
I think, overall, it was a solid effort from someone who hasn't roleplayed in a long while, though there is definitely some steps to be taken in future weeks. I thought your first two sections of the promo was good in introducing us to the Kenny Drake character, literally gave us a peek into his mind. It was vague (we have no idea why you hear voices), but its the first week, so we're not supposed to know. I'm sure you have intentions to explain it to us down the road, so I have no worries about that. You gave us a glimpse of your finisher, which I especially like; you can tell a lot about the character by the technique he chooses to ends matches with, so I'm glad we got to see it early on.
The main thing lacking in this promo this week was the shoot. Section 3 further your intro to the Kenny Drake character, which I can appreciate, but more focus on Dexter Radcliffe and why you could beat him would've helped down the road. I will admit, its hard the first few weeks until you get to know the other characters, but that's my advice for future weeks. Instead of saying you'll "keep this short," actually give readers something to work with. Kenny Drake is a dominating, ruthless wrestler with a kick-ass legal team? Show us more in your writing because we want to see it, then.
So yeah, I won't say you got smoked by Dexter, he just had a decent shoot and you focused more on Character development. Balance the two and I think you'll start seeing the positive results from it. Looking forward to your future work
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Post by kennydrake on Oct 12, 2015 11:48:26 GMT -5
Thank you so much for the feedback! It's really appreciated!
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