Post by Dexter Radcliffe on Oct 4, 2015 15:36:17 GMT -5
Previously On "As The Pantheon (Hopeful) Turns"
Dexter Pantheon: Dream Pantheon is right though. Sitting here, napping when I should be out there doing more, it's not going to get me in Pantheon. Who knows what Blythe is doing right now to get ready. I gotta turn the dial up to 11 and rock this mofo like I was born to do. Yeah. FUCK YEAH! If this was a movie right about now there'd be some inspirational music playing as a montage started.
Neither of those things happen because this is obviously not a movie.
Dexter Radcliffe: So if I'm going to go bigger and harder, there's only one way to go. I'm going to have to-
And Now This!
Dexter Radcliffe: I'm going to have to-
Dexter pauses, finger in the air dramatically, as a questioning look comes over his face.
Dexter Radcliffe: Uh. Well.
Dexter lowers his finger and places it on his chin.
Dexter Radcliffe: I mean, I know I should do something besides sit on my ass and watch television until I fall asleep, but what to do? Oh! I know!
Dexter reaches into the collar of his official Pantheon t-shirt and extracts an official Pantheon "What Would Pantheon Do?" necklace.
Dexter Radcliffe: Duh. How could I forget about this? All right necklace, show me the way!
Dexter rubs on the Pantheon logo and waits. Nothing happens.
Dexter Radcliffe: Maybe I didn't rub it hard enough.
Dexter rubs harder. Still nothing.
Dexter Radcliffe: Well that's disappointing.
Dexter tucks the necklace back under his shirt.
Dexter Radcliffe: Well I wonder what everyone else has been doing with their time.
Dexter walks over to a nearby table where his laptop is sitting. He picks it up, walks back over to his armchair and takes a seat as he opens it up.
Dexter Radcliffe: All right, first stop, Twitter. Wait. Why the hell am I getting an error saying Zombie McMorris broke Twitter? Is that even possible? Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Okay, why is Shia Labeouf slow clapping at me? This is creepy. And a tiny bit erotic. I don't like it.
Dexter hits a few keys and goes to Facebook.
Dexter Radcliffe: All right, at least Facebook is still working. But what's this? Oh come on, why hasn't Waylon Cash realized nobody wants to listen to him bitch? Unfriended!
Dexter hits a button.
Dexter Radcliffe: What the hell? "You're account is being monitored due to complaints of harassment."? Well I guess I should have expected that one. All right, Twitter is dead and Facebook just banhammered me. What about Pinterest?
Dexter hits a few more buttons.
Dexter Radcliffe: Wade Moor is on Pinterest? Well this should be entertaining.
Dexter clicks.
Dexter Radcliffe: Oh, it's all kittens. Kittens playing with yarn. Kittens jumping into a pile of leaves. This isn't at all what I expected!
Dexter clicks away.
Dexter Radcliffe: I'm not getting anything of use! Save me WCF.com!
Dexter hits a few buttons.
Dexter Radcliffe: All right, that's a bit more like it. What do we have here? Hank Brown interviewing Billy? No thanks, I don't feel like listening to 15 minutes of Billy wheezing out words between bites of every kind of food on Earth, deep fried and coated with chocolate. Andre Aquarius has apparently been busy trying to get interviewed every 10 minutes. But I guess those brain cells of his can only function for so long before he needs to take a break. Adam Young has something to say? I'll pass for now, I'm still reeling from his last blistering zinger.
Dexter scrolls through the posted video interviews and scrunches up his face.
Dexter Radcliffe: Boring interview, boring interview, boring interview, Torture trying to get out of WAR, boring interview. Well this was a waste of time, I'm not learning a damn thing. If anything this was just a big a waste of time as sitting around and watching television.
Dexter closes his laptop and sets it to the side.
Dexter Radcliffe: But I obviously need to do something to get ready for WAR. I get lazy and suddenly I'm being rolled up from behind by Adam Young. Or worse, Gunther Blythe. Or double worse, Adam Blythe. Wait. That's not a person. That's just two equally terrible people. So what then?
At that moment the sounds of Celine Dion's "Wind Beneath My Wings" are heard. Dexter reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone.
Dexter Radcliffe: Hey Jeff, what's up? -- No, I'm not just sitting on my ass watching TV. -- I'm telling you I'm not! -- Well no, I still don't know what I'm going to do to get ready for WAR. But I mean, can you actually be ready for a 50 man brawl? What kind of plan can you even begin to formulate? What did you do when you won? -- Survive? Really? That's the best that you got for me? -- Yeah, thanks. -- I'm not just sitting on my ass damn it! -- Later.
Dexter ends the call and tucks his phone back away.
Dexter Radcliffe: You know what, screw a plan. Making sure Gunther Blythe gets my name superkicked onto his forehead is the only damn thing I'm worried about. As for everybody else? I may not win but you can be damn sure I'm going to be playing spoiler for some of you more arrogant pricks. Don't turn your backs on the D-Train because you're going to end up getting the run the fuck over.
End scene.
Dexter Pantheon: Dream Pantheon is right though. Sitting here, napping when I should be out there doing more, it's not going to get me in Pantheon. Who knows what Blythe is doing right now to get ready. I gotta turn the dial up to 11 and rock this mofo like I was born to do. Yeah. FUCK YEAH! If this was a movie right about now there'd be some inspirational music playing as a montage started.
Neither of those things happen because this is obviously not a movie.
Dexter Radcliffe: So if I'm going to go bigger and harder, there's only one way to go. I'm going to have to-
And Now This!
Dexter Radcliffe: I'm going to have to-
Dexter pauses, finger in the air dramatically, as a questioning look comes over his face.
Dexter Radcliffe: Uh. Well.
Dexter lowers his finger and places it on his chin.
Dexter Radcliffe: I mean, I know I should do something besides sit on my ass and watch television until I fall asleep, but what to do? Oh! I know!
Dexter reaches into the collar of his official Pantheon t-shirt and extracts an official Pantheon "What Would Pantheon Do?" necklace.
Dexter Radcliffe: Duh. How could I forget about this? All right necklace, show me the way!
Dexter rubs on the Pantheon logo and waits. Nothing happens.
Dexter Radcliffe: Maybe I didn't rub it hard enough.
Dexter rubs harder. Still nothing.
Dexter Radcliffe: Well that's disappointing.
Dexter tucks the necklace back under his shirt.
Dexter Radcliffe: Well I wonder what everyone else has been doing with their time.
Dexter walks over to a nearby table where his laptop is sitting. He picks it up, walks back over to his armchair and takes a seat as he opens it up.
Dexter Radcliffe: All right, first stop, Twitter. Wait. Why the hell am I getting an error saying Zombie McMorris broke Twitter? Is that even possible? Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Okay, why is Shia Labeouf slow clapping at me? This is creepy. And a tiny bit erotic. I don't like it.
Dexter hits a few keys and goes to Facebook.
Dexter Radcliffe: All right, at least Facebook is still working. But what's this? Oh come on, why hasn't Waylon Cash realized nobody wants to listen to him bitch? Unfriended!
Dexter hits a button.
Dexter Radcliffe: What the hell? "You're account is being monitored due to complaints of harassment."? Well I guess I should have expected that one. All right, Twitter is dead and Facebook just banhammered me. What about Pinterest?
Dexter hits a few more buttons.
Dexter Radcliffe: Wade Moor is on Pinterest? Well this should be entertaining.
Dexter clicks.
Dexter Radcliffe: Oh, it's all kittens. Kittens playing with yarn. Kittens jumping into a pile of leaves. This isn't at all what I expected!
Dexter clicks away.
Dexter Radcliffe: I'm not getting anything of use! Save me WCF.com!
Dexter hits a few buttons.
Dexter Radcliffe: All right, that's a bit more like it. What do we have here? Hank Brown interviewing Billy? No thanks, I don't feel like listening to 15 minutes of Billy wheezing out words between bites of every kind of food on Earth, deep fried and coated with chocolate. Andre Aquarius has apparently been busy trying to get interviewed every 10 minutes. But I guess those brain cells of his can only function for so long before he needs to take a break. Adam Young has something to say? I'll pass for now, I'm still reeling from his last blistering zinger.
Dexter scrolls through the posted video interviews and scrunches up his face.
Dexter Radcliffe: Boring interview, boring interview, boring interview, Torture trying to get out of WAR, boring interview. Well this was a waste of time, I'm not learning a damn thing. If anything this was just a big a waste of time as sitting around and watching television.
Dexter closes his laptop and sets it to the side.
Dexter Radcliffe: But I obviously need to do something to get ready for WAR. I get lazy and suddenly I'm being rolled up from behind by Adam Young. Or worse, Gunther Blythe. Or double worse, Adam Blythe. Wait. That's not a person. That's just two equally terrible people. So what then?
At that moment the sounds of Celine Dion's "Wind Beneath My Wings" are heard. Dexter reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone.
Dexter Radcliffe: Hey Jeff, what's up? -- No, I'm not just sitting on my ass watching TV. -- I'm telling you I'm not! -- Well no, I still don't know what I'm going to do to get ready for WAR. But I mean, can you actually be ready for a 50 man brawl? What kind of plan can you even begin to formulate? What did you do when you won? -- Survive? Really? That's the best that you got for me? -- Yeah, thanks. -- I'm not just sitting on my ass damn it! -- Later.
Dexter ends the call and tucks his phone back away.
Dexter Radcliffe: You know what, screw a plan. Making sure Gunther Blythe gets my name superkicked onto his forehead is the only damn thing I'm worried about. As for everybody else? I may not win but you can be damn sure I'm going to be playing spoiler for some of you more arrogant pricks. Don't turn your backs on the D-Train because you're going to end up getting the run the fuck over.
End scene.
