Post by Kyle Kemp on Oct 1, 2015 23:16:14 GMT -5
Prologue
Ever since I was a kid I have had one sanctuary. One place that I can go and no one will bother me. A place that I can close my eyes and transport myself away from all of my problems and all of the stresses of life just fall away. That place is the shower. Once the hot water starts to hit upon my face, I instantly relax. Today more than ever….I need to go to that place.
As I arise from the darkness of laying on my couch I have nothing but stressful thoughts running through my head. WAR is only a few short days away and people are wondering what Kyle Kemp has in store for them. Some are hoping that I take the next step and claim my spot as a main eventer while others hope I fall on my face. It honestly could go either way and that is what is stressful. For months I have told people than I am better than them and I have begun to prove that. I am the People’s Champion damn it and I would love to be the World Heavyweight Champion at One. To do that I have to go through all of these guys that have less than stellar thoughts of me but the real truth is that in order to get through this one on top, I have to beat myself.
I walk into the bathroom and flip the switch for the lights. I stare at simple relaxation with a smile. My shower. It is a rainforest shower that is enclosed in a glass case with the different shower toiletries set aside neatly. As I turn on the water I know that this is one of those days where it needs to be burning hot. Steam begins to lightly rise from the water and I step in with the first drops causing me to flinch and are welcomed with a wince. However a brief second later a smile crosses my face and a deep breath is taken.
Ever since I debuted in April there have been some bumpy moments but ever since I won the People’s Title and joined #BeachKrew, things have never been better. I have not lost a match in over a month and I’m hitting my stride at the right time. However I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that this is all for nothing. That my little uprise will slowly dissipate and I will be left with nothing. I will be just another guy in a stable that is forgotten while others take care of business. Look at Los Tiburones for example. The guy is my dude and he is ripping through people left and right to the point that he is the new WCF Sea-V Champion.
A little chuckle escapes my mouth as I lather my tea tree mint shampoo along my head. The mint causes a tingling sensation to be felt throughout my head. What is funny is that not only is Los Tiburones making an impact but so is Wade Moor. For god sakes he is going to be the next Internet Champion. I can feel it in my bones and with these two along with Rico, Andre and Sandy all making moves, I can’t help but wonder if I will be lost in the shuffle. That I will become complacent and allow myself to be lost in the shuffle. Either way, that cannot happen.
As the water continues to rain down on me I begin to visualize the possibilities of the outcomes for the WAR matchup. There are so many variables that come into place. All of those variables cause concern for me. While I am better than every person in this company, I need to continue to prove it. I have to continue to prove it. If I don’t then there is nothing that distinguishes me from being just another piece of meat that is filling a space on the WCF roster. I don’t fear losing the WAR match. No Not at all. I fear being inadequate. I fear being not only not being better than every other person but being an average joe. Every day that I walk through that curtain I can’t help but wonder what direction I’m headed in. Winning WAR would immediately revitalize the thought to each and every person that watches that I am someone. I’m not Kyle Kemp the failed baseball player. I’m not Kyle Kemp the bloodsucking leech that has taken my families money for granted. I am Kyle Kemp. The man that walked into WCF proclaiming to be better than everyone and proved it. He proved it by winning the WAR match and he proved it by winning the World Heavyweight Title at One. This is my time and the only one that can screw that up is me. I reach over and turn the water off with a newfound sense of gusto. Showers always do the trick.
Part 1
A rap of knocking at my door cause me to slowly open my eyes. Who the fuck could that be? I blindly reach over for my iPhone and press the side button as the time suddenly flashes with it saying 6:50 AM. A soft groan escapes as I push myself up off the couch and walk over to the door, dodging the clutter of clothes along the way. Looking through the peephole of my hotel room I see that it is Zach Davis and a camera crew. Immediately the thoughts of my day begin to run through my head. It is the final days before WAR and today is my media day. My day where I have to go place to place and do different interviews and meet and greets. They’re a pain in the ass and while I would like to just lay in bed and relax before WAR, I have a responsibility as the People’s Champion to go out and do these things. At least that is what Seth Lerch told me as he waved my contract in my face when I told him I wasn’t doing this.
I open the door and Zach flashes that shit eating grin at me. He damn well knows that I don’t want to do this now but I really didn’t have any other time today and an exclusive interview is the first part of my day. “Well nice of you to get all done up for this interview Kemp,” says Zach. I take a look down at myself and realize I’m wearing black gym shorts and no shirt.
“Shit...alright just come in and I’ll get myself ready quickly man.” I turn and grab one of the shirts on the floor and a pair of jeans that were thrown aside during the drunken stuper of walking into my hotel room last night. I knew I shouldn’t have gone out with Andre and Tiburones. I love the guy but that guy puts you on the first train to a hangover and it is now that I notice the pain that is reverberating through my skull. It is as if someone is just sitting in my head with a hammer and chipping away. I step into the bathroom and quickly throw on the clothes. I take a quick look in the mirror and realize that the shirt I grabbed was an old school Batman t-shirt. No time to change so I shrug my shoulders and step out.
I look and see that Zach has made himself at home, sitting in a chair as the cameramen set up next to him. I roll my eyes and make my way over to him and sit down in a chair across from him. The cameraman looks at Zach as if to tell him he’s ready. He places his coffee down and takes a glance over at me. “Are you ready?” He asks with a hint of disdain in his voice. I can tell that he is not impressed with how little I am ready and am trying for this interview.
“Yeah let’s get this done,” I reply. Zach adjusts his tie and nods to the camera man who gives him a thumbs up.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am Zach Davis and I’m here with an exclusive interview for the WCF Network! Today I have a special guest who needs no introduction. He is the current People’s Champion and a member of #BeachKrew. He is known for being better than you and me, Kyle Kemp! Good to see you Kyle!”
“The pleasure is all yours Zach.” Zach rolls his eyes and I can’t help but smirk at him. It’s at this moment that I know I am going to make an effort to needle him the entire interview.
“First and foremost Kyle, how are the preparations for WAR?”
“A real hard hitting question there Zach. I believe they’re going fine and I know the other members of #BeachKrew are feeling the same. I mean just last night Andre, Tiburones and I hit the town and took in a few of the sights and sounds of Oklahoma City. I have to say….there aren’t any real sights or sounds in this city.”
“Not too enamored with our host city for WAR?”
“Enamored? Hell no Zach. The only good thing about this place is the fact we are leaving on Sunday night. Even if I win WAR I can tell you that I will be getting on a private jet and flying straight back to Chicago. I’d rather party there than here any day of the week.”
“Always looking to the next party. Well Kyle…”
The party comment causes a little flick of anger to roll through my body as I interrupt Zach. “In order to party you have to be good and I am that damn good. I prove that every time I go to the ring and I prove it every time I successfully defend the People’s Title. That is why I am the greatest living or dead People’s Champ of all time.”
“Is that necessary Kyle?”
“Is what necessary?”
“The living or dead remark. There is no reason to take pot shots at Scarecrow.”
“Let me tell you something, I can say whatever I want about Scarecrow and there is nothing you can do about it and there is nothing Pantheon is going to do about it either. #BeachKrew is better than Panteon. Do you know why? It's because if someone killed one of our own we wouldn't sit on our hand like a bunch of pussies and not do anything about it.”
I can see Zach begin to squirm as he doesn’t like my language but do I care? No. I’m fucking hungover and really don’t want to do this. That is why I continue on. “Tell me this, are you picking anyone from Pantheon to win at WAR? No I don't believe you are and you know why? It's because #BeachKrew has been an unstoppable force ever since we debuted and Pantheon is what? Trios Champions? Who cares? I know I don’t and I know #BeachKrew doesn’t either. We could be Trios Champions whenever we damn well please! The reason we aren't is we haven't decided to stoop that low. We don't need to be Trios Champions because we do so well on our own that it reflects on us as a unit and as a unit we are the number one stable in the WCF. And no one can touch us. Not the DRG. Not AoD. No one.”
“Well Kyle I have to say that that all may be up for debate. Pantheon does hold some of the most prestigious champions and wrestlers that this business has seen in recent memory.”
“Why is that? What makes Pantheon such a big deal? Look at each and every one of their members and tell me what makes them better than any of us. Nothing. Jay Omega really? Some over rated moronic imbecile that thinks he can travel through time and do whatever he pleases and that he deserves a top spot based on his supposed history here. Tell me one thing about Jay Omega that makes you feel like you have confidence in him? What has he done in the past 2 months that has been worth a damn?”
“Well he did just win the Trios Championship!”
“That's great, but what else has he done. If it was not for Thomas Uriel Bates, he would be the biggest joke of the past two months. At least Bates showed up and lost his titles. Jay Omega after his lackluster performance at Ultimate Showdown couldn't even have the balls to show up to Slam and defend the Tag Team Titles with Howard Black. Look what happened there. Jay Omega not only hung Howard Black out to dry but he also proved that when things are going his way he will take his ball and go home. Will go home and sit there like a little crying baby. I don't care what he says I don't respect someone that does not only that but does it with the audacity that he does.”
“What do you mean by audacity?”
“I mean that I don’t sit on a make believe pedestal and point down at people and judge them. I sit in my ivory tower and do that. I have earned the right to proclaim myself better than everyone else and I have seen nothing from Jay Omega that gives him the right to declare himself better than anyone let alone me. Hell I hope he steps up to me at WAR because I would love to push him right back down to the bottom where he belongs.”
“What about the other members of Pantheon Kyle? Why do you have anything against them?”
“Jeff Purse. There is another winner. While I may have not been here but for a few months, Purse has been here for quite some time and what has he accomplished? What did he accomplish during the time where this roster was watered down and no one here was worth a damn? Nothing. He had 1 World Title reign and it seemed rather unimpressive. I couldn’t really tell. You could tell management was laxing at that time. They didn’t want the video quality to be that great so we, as fans, would gloss over it and try to forget it. They don’t want us to remember that Jeff Purse used to be somebody here and I feel the same way. Jeff Purse is the epitome of why Pantheon is exactly the group that it is. Don’t let me even get started on Alex Richards.”
“Well you said his name, why don’t you let me get you started.”
“Listen you want to know what I think of Alex Richards, just go look at our history on the internet. They always say that shit doesn’t fade. I have said everything that I have to say there but if you really want a sound byte here you go. Alex Richards isn’t just a fat slob. He isn’t just a drunk. He isn’t just the mildly retarded charity case of the WCF. Alex Richards is the prime example of why this company was in the shape it was in before I got here. Alex Richards is nothing more than a lowly Internet Champion and he has been proving that for months. However we like to celebrate this man as a United States Championship contender and it is a joke. Seth Lerch cannot get it through his skull that this moron has no business even being here. I cannot stand the fact that this guy has any stature here and that problem that all three of these guys have is the same problem of why I get frustrated.
"
“Well this frustration with Pantheon seems to be very aggravating for you.”
“Aggravating!? You’re damn right it is. Pantheon is nothing more than a relic of the past that continues to hold on to the fact that they were all successful in a time long ago. A time that the arenas were half full and people came to laugh at them. They are intimidated by the fact that #BeachKrew is here and we are everything that they wish they were. Successful, better looking, have more fun and most importantly, we are a team. You guys think you are a team because you have the Trios Titles but when you get down to it you aren’t a team. You aren’t even really friends. You are nothing more than a bunch of guys that cannot get accepted by society and choose to hang out together because you literally have nothing else. Do you know why you aren’t a team Pantheon? It’s for the same reason that started this little string about you. Scarecrow. If someone killed someone that was supposedly so close to me like another member of #BeachKrew, I would do whatever it took to get revenge and I don’t see that from any of you. In fact, most of you have forgotten who he was. You don’t show any emotion except for the pathetic whining that we always hear from you. It’s fucking embarassing and it’s a shining example of why none of you will win WAR.”
I can feel my face slowly turning red and I my breathing become a little more hurried. These guys fire me up and I can tell Davis is loving it. “Well Kyle you seem to have some very real issues with Pantheon but Pantheon is not the only stable that we have here. I know that we have played up stable wars in the past but now there is Pantheon, #BeachKrew but there are also AoD and the DRG. How do you feel you guys match up with them?”
I roll my eyes as I think of these two other groups. I feel like I’ve talked about them all numerous times in various tag team matches and it’s annoying. “Well Zach, I believe my history with the AoD is still very well known. I’ve been in clusterfuck tag matches with almost all of their members in the past and let me remind you of what happened. I carried them. I carried them to victories and when they didn’t pull their weight, I let them take the pin. Not a single member of AoD is even mid card status in this company. That is what happens when you have to many like minded individuals in one group.
"
“Wait, aren’t all of you in #BeachKrew like minded individuals?”
“No Zach and that is what makes us legit. The fact that we all have different backgrounds and different experiences makes us better than you. It is what makes us when put together and unstoppable team. That is why I laugh at every person in this company that has thrown shade at me since I joined #BeachKrew. I joined because when I hung out with these guys at that parking lot party, I realized that we all meshed well. Chemistry was instantly there. That is hard to find and that is when I knew #BeachKrew could be special. BTW when I say chemistry I don’t mean the type that seems to be lingering disgustingly in the air around AoD and DRG.”
“Do you want to expand on that Kyle?”
I smile because this is where I knew this conversation would lead. My chance to dig into the man that I despise almost more than Spencer Adams. “Why I thought you may ask Zach. What I mean is the weird chemistry between Night Rider, Denise D’Evil and Thomas Bates. How about you guys get your hairy, sweaty, disgusting threesome over with already. We all can see what Denise wants. She wants to set the world for the grossest Eiffel Tower in the history of mankind. Jesus it may even be worth calling the media and getting pictures for Deadspin or Barstool Sports. I’m sure one of those sites would love to write a mocking article about such a disturbing sight. I mean I’m not gonna say I haven’t had a threesome or had the chance to Eiffel Tower a chick sometime but what the are doing is just beyond what should be allowed. If there ever was a line they aren’t just past it but they have rolled about 100 yards by it. Besides….aren’t threesomes a reward? What has Thomas Bates done to deserve to be rewarded?”
“I knew we would get there at some point Kyle. You were just talking about throwing shade, well tell me what Thomas Bates has done to piss you off?”
“It’s easy. Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“That’s right. Nothing.”
“Ok. So if it really isn’t nothing then why go after him on the internet so hard?”
“Because him doing nothing is the exact opposite of what I would have done. If I were gifted a World Title shot against Dune then I would have tried. I would have gone out there and put up a fight but do you know what I saw from Dune? I saw nothing. I looked into his eyes and I saw nothing. I saw a guy that knew he was a loser from the beginning and deep down knew that he had no business in that match. Why do you think he did his best to avoid Dune after he was given the shot? It was because he knew that he had made a grave mistake calling out Dune. If you are going to call out the champ then you need to have the nuts to back it up and the fact of the matter is that Bates doesn’t have the nuts. That is why he is middling around with the AoD now. He’s gone back to what he knows. Wallowing around with people that are more his speed and sleeping with the same crater face broads. He stepped a class up and realized that he isn’t anywhere near the level of Dune, Joey Flash or #BeachKrew for that matter. That is why I call him out. I’m waiting to see if he’s grown a set and wants to walk down to the ring and see for himself that I’m better than him. I’d be more than happy to remind him anytime. Go ahead, take a picture, send a Snapchat, make a meme, I don’t care. Just let Bates now that I will always be waiting.
"
I can tell that Zach is a little thrown off. He didn’t expect all that from me and now I have him on his heels so I continue. “That is why the DRG won’t exist two months from now Zach. When your so called president falls apart and the rest of the guys behind you cannot be relied upon, things just fall apart. I mean after Bates what do you really have?”
“You have Gemini Battle and”
“And what?! Doug Murdock? Oh wait...forgot….he got himself fired.” I begin to laugh and think back at the shitty experience of tagging with Doug a few weeks back. I could see then that he was in over his head and seeing it all come crashing down for the kid was rather enjoyable. He never deserved to be here. “Doug Murdock was only here because he happened to be Gonzo’s brother. Simple as that. He never did anything to deserve this opportunity and he ultimately he was a contributor in the DRG losing their Trios Titles.”
“Well I do have to say that the rumor is is that Gonzo has returned to the WCF and will be at WAR!”
“Whooppee Doo! Tell me why any of us should be scared of that? Why should we care that Gonzo has come back? Is it because he’s served this country? Is it because he’s a former champion? Why?”
“Because he has done more than you.”
I stare blankly at Zach who realizes that he made a mistake. I stand walk over to Zach and slap him in his right cheek. My hand immediately feels like I hit a piece of wood. Zach’s head whipped to the side after I hit him and he instantly stands up. “I don’t need this. I don’t need to interview you. We all know you have other appearances today. Someone else can deal with you later.”
Zach turns and walks out of the hotel room with members of the camera crew slowly walking behind them. I walk over and grab the camera man by the hand. “You stay. I’m not done yet.” Which is true. I’m not done yet. Zach has gotten me started talking about the DRG and I’m not gonna stop now. The door shuts behind the others and the camera man adjusts to face me. I smile and begin.
“You see what I just did Gonzo? That is what you have to expect. I don’t know if you just expect all of us to be suddenly drooling at the prospect of you back in the WCF but my mouth is dry as fuck. Seeing you not only pisses me off but it makes me want to vomit. You are everything that is wrong with this fucking company. We allow an unreliable piece of trash like you just walk in and out whenever you want and it pisses me off. There should be a rule against people like you just thinking you can waltz back in here. Lots have changed and there is something that I feel you need educated on. I’m Kyle Kemp and I’m not only the People’s Champ but I am the new standard around here. I am the one that is going to win WAR and you are going to have to accept that. If you are having a hard time then discuss it a little with your boy Bates. He can tell you all about what it means to be disappointed. He sure has disappointed a lot of people these past 2 months. Do you really want to know why Seth fired little Dougie? It’s because he wasn’t getting any better. He was maxed out and it was because you left him to be trained by a loser and Mr. Inconsistent himself Gemini Battle.”
“That’s right Gemini, I haven’t forgotten about you either. You have all the talent Gemini to be someone. The talent to be a true champion here. What is absolutely shocking is your ability to let that all just not matter and every time you have the opportunity to cement yourself as a prime time player, you lose. You do something at the very last second that costs you everything. What is even more maddening is that when we do write you off, you pull off a win that we don’t see coming. That is why I look at you and wonder what goes on in that head of yours. What makes you do this and then I realize exactly what it is. It’s your self esteem.”
“I was actually confused when I first thought of this. I kept wondering if you really have that low of an opinion of yourself and then I couldn’t talk myself out of it. You simply have a low self esteem and now confidence in yourself. Why? It all comes down to the fact that you continue to live in the shadow of a guy that can’t get it done in Thomas Bates. You’ve seen him drop all of his titles these past couple of months and you have allowed yourself to simply continue to follow orders from him. That is where you and I differ. I would have popped him in the mouth by now and told him to wake up. Told him that it was time to turn things around. Instead you consistently allow yourself to lay down to his every demand and it hasn’t gotten you anywhere. You lost to Dune. You lost to Joey Flash. You lost your Trios Title to Pantheon. And this Sunday you lose WAR. Maybe when that happens you will finally see it. Until then you will continue to be nothing more than a never was.”
“With all of that said, this is why Pantheon, AoD and DRG will not stand in #BeachKrew’s way at WAR. I know this interview devolved into something it was not supposed to be but let’s face it, I did what I know and that is to entertain all of you fools and spit some of my knowledge at you. That is what makes me me. That is what makes me Kyle Kemp and a proud member of #BeachKrew. These traits that all of you secretly admire is what makes me your People’s Champion. Soon I will parlay that into the World Title. With that said, I’ve got other places to be. See you all at WAR and don’t forget, I’m Kyle Kemp and I’m better than you.
"
The camera man turns off the camera and walks to the door. I turn and look out the window with a smile. That all felt good. I got a lot off my chest and I am more confident heading into WAR then I have been ever in my life. WAR will belong to #BeachKrew.
Part 2
The gold trim revolving door to my hotel slowly spins in front of me as I walk out into the Oklahoma City air with the People’s Title on my shoulder. It has cooled down considerably these past couple of weeks to the point that the jackets have come out. I take a look around and am waiting for the limo to pick me up. I place my hands in my jean pockets and can’t help but take a second to reflect. Not just about my current situation but how far I have come since I was kicked out of baseball. I can remember that day better than any other in my entire life. I had just gotten done hitting batting practice when the GM called me up to his office. He told me that I was done. That my bookie that had been secretly investigated by the FBI had turned my name over as part of his client list and everyone knew that I had been betting on baseball. That I had to be cut and that the commissioner was issuing a lifetime ban. It was at that point that I thought everything was over.
I was so sure that I was going to end up at that point living in my dad’s hotels and learning to take over his business from him. Exactly what I told myself I would never do. I was not going to take over the empire but instead I was going to start my own. I was going to create an empire that I could call my own and that empire was going to be in professional baseball. I was supposed to be the next Michael Jordan. Turn my on field success into endorsements and create my own brand. A brand that my father couldn’t touch. A brand that represented me and only me. It would be the first thing that I had ever done that wasn’t outlined to me by my father. I was so excited and I pissed it all away by gambling. I can only imagine my mom would have been disappointed in me.
Mom. The one woman that I always tell myself I would never think about. The first woman to ever leave me and I had only known her for a brief few minutes. I can feel the slight tearing up in my eye and I reach up to rub them as the limo pulls up. The door to the back flies open and Wade Moor sticks his smiling face out at me and screeches. “Come on Kemp! We gots to go!”
I laugh at the man that I’m happy to call a brother now and I climb inside the limo. The other members of #BeachKrew are in the limo and everyone is ribbing on each other. I take a seat towards the front and reach into a cooler on the floor. I pull out a bottle of Tropical Boone’s Farm and look at it with dread. I look up from the bottle to see everyone smiling at me. I shake my head as I know that it’s time for the game that is simply known as pass around. The rules are easy. The person that starts says “Pass around, pass around, soon you won’t be around.” Then you take a drink and pass the bottle to the person on your right and you keep passing until the bottle is gone. It doesn’t sound like much but when you end up finishing 5-10 bottles as a group, you get wasted. I look in the cooler and see that there are at least 6 other bottles all stacked and sigh. So much for going to these interviews sober. I open the bottle and lift it towards the other. “Pass around, pass around, soon you won’t be around!” I take a sip and pass the bottle to my right to Andre Aquarius. He begins to drink and I laugh as the alcohol begins to set in my belly. At least I’ll forget about thinking of my Mom for now. I watch the bottle go around the circle and start ribbing the others.
Part 3
The limo pulls up to our intended destination and I can’t help but feel like this is an absolutely awful idea. Not only are we all fairly buzzed now but we are doing a group appearance on the morning show of the ABC channel in Oklahoma City. I step out with the People’s Title in my hand and smile. Not just a smile but that dumbass buzzed smile you see every Friday night at the bar. I see Andre fall out of the limo behind me and I can’t help but laugh. As much as this would embarass other people I cannot help but feel right at home. These are the guys that I want to get into a foxhole with. Andre rolls on his back and begins to laugh. I turn and extend my hand down to him. “Get the fuck up dumbass!” I yell at him but with a smile on my face.
Andre grabs my hand and I pull him up as he shouts at me, “Yo chill nigga. We got this!” I laugh and push him towards the door of the studio as the other guys pile out. Following up the rear is Jared “Los Tiburones” Holmes. I smile at him and extend my hand as we have not had time to share pleasantries since I got in the limo. We slap hands as I say, “What up?”
Jared smiles at me through his mask. “Nothin just a little tired.”
“From what? You left earlier than me last night!”
Jared reaches into the limo and grabs the last item that needs to be retrieved which is the W Sea-V Title. He whips it up and laughs, “From all this gold!” I laugh and we exchange another high 5.
“Me too!” As I look over to my title as well and we start walking towards the door. There has been a bond between all of us since day one and I owe Jared a lot for recruiting me into #BeachKrew. “So have you heard any of the shade that these fools been throwing us all week?”
“Fuck man, did all of these guys forget what we did to Derek Moreno and Mitch Morales? Fuccboi Genocide baby!”
Suddenly Wade whips his head around and shouts at us. “Ummm I’m still the one that killed Scarecrow!”
I roll my eyes as this has become a very common debate when hanging out. “You didn’t kill him! That other guy that pushed him did it!”
“Nope still counts! I wore him down!”
“That’s like saying a girl with a perfect body but a cracked out and chiseled face is a 10 if you put a bag on her head!”
Andre suddenly chimes in, “I’d call that a 10! Bags equals out the face!”
“Fuck yeah! Bags are just another accessory! Consider it make up bro!” Says Jared with a smirk but I refuse to let that go.
“Ok so if the bag falls off during sex then did you suddenly go from hooking up with a 10 to a 5? Because if you are going to say it’s like makeup then you have to factor in when make up rubs off and you wake up next to her and she doesn’t look the same without it!”
Everyone stops and ponders the answer until Hunter interjects for the first time. “Mother fuckers that is why you take them to their place and skip out once they fall asleep! You don’t lose points for the morning after then! It’s just what you remember when you did it.”
We all nod in agreement as Sandy rolls her eyes at us. “Fuck you guys! This is why I just hook up in the bathroom at the bar.”
“Wait, what? How have I not known about this?” I say to Sandy and look at everyone else. We are all equally confused and she just shrugs her shoulders at us as a member of the studio comes through a door to greet us. I see her first and can’t help but think that she has no idea what she is in for. You can tell she is just one of those women that is uptight and doesn’t know how to handle guys like us. This is going to be rough. She walks up and says, “Gentlemen I am Lauren and I’m going to be the one that takes you into the studio for your appearance!”
Andre turns to all of us and whispers, “Dibs.”
I begin to say something to argue but he just tilts his head at me and I shut my mouth. Bros don’t dispute dibs. We all follow her through a door to the makeup area to prepare for our appearance.
Part 4
The crowd begins to cheer as we all point and acknowledge the fans. Randy continues, “With me are Los Tiburones, Kyle Kemp, Andre Aquarius and Rico Rojas. Guys thank you all for coming. I have to ask, how does it feel to be members of the most talked about group in wrestling?”
“Trending,” I say.
“Excuse me?”
“Trending. We are the trending group of the WCF. That means we are the most talked about on any platform. We are always being talked about which means we are trending. Jesus man, do I need to do your job for you?”
Andre chimes in and I can tell I’ve started the downfall of this interview. “Are you just another fuccboi who don’t know shit?”
“Looks that way to me,” says Rico and I cannot help but laugh. While Rico is a man of little words, it is absolute gold when he does speak.
“I think he’s just another loser who has no idea what he’s talking about. Kind of like some of these new guys in our company,” says Jared and I nod my head in agreement.
“Yeah no joke bro.”
“Now come on boys, I’m no noob!”
“Aw shucks guys! We had it all wrong!” I say in a fake southern accent but quickly switch. “How about you take your noob ass off this stage and I lead this interview?” I stand up and the host runs off the stage. The crowd sits in stunned silence and I can tell that the networks has already turned to commercials but the WCF crew is still running their camera. I motion for them to get closer and the network crew look on in disbelief. “Now gentlemen we aren’t gonna have a lot of time here but tell me, how do all of you feel about these new guys this asshole was talking about?”
Rico raises his hand and I point at him. “You do realize that the majority are knock off versions of us right? I mean they are all guys that we would reject to join us!”
“Yeah no joke. Look at Dexter Radcliffe! He’s the biggest fuccboi of them all. He thinks he joining Pantheon!”
“Well let’s be honest Tibs, joining Pantheon would be a lateral move for this kid. He’s new and a joke and well….they’re old and a joke. It’s a match made in heaven!” We all laugh as I continue. Like I said, we aren’t gonna have enough time to let’s do this rapid fire! Marcus Peters?”
“Impotent,” says Rico. I look at him questioning and he continues. “He’s got to be overcompensating for something guys. He’s literally got to kiss a girl on the way to the ring to feel like a man.”
“Just say his dick don’t work next time,” Wade says exasperated. “This mother fucker expecting me to know this shit. Speak English!”
“Gunther Blythe.”
“His names Gunther. Enough said. Next,” says Tiburones.
“LA Kush.”
“I want to know who his hook up is!” Rico shouts.
We all look at him and shake our heads. “Tone it down man. I want fresh bud just like anyone else but Jesus. The last one is mine. Jeff Danger. Well a guy this obsessed with his ass has to be in some danger because this Sunday it’s gonna get kicked.” I stick my hand up for a high 5 but everyone looks at me, shaking their head. “Ok I deserve that one.”
Suddenly security pushes their way towards us and begins to pull us towards the door. We don’t struggle as we just continue to laugh. I begin to shout as I’m pulled out the door. “Thanks everyone! This show was brought to you by #BeachKrew and don’t forget, we are better than you!” The door slowly shuts behind me and the crowd continues to sit in stunned silence.
