Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2007 13:49:34 GMT -5
(When Cairo looks into the mirror, what does he see? Does he see a vision of perfection? Or does he see the evil incarnate? Cairo must not be allowed to win the War. If Cairo wins and becomes the number one contender for the WCF World Championship, professional wrestling will be turned onto its shrunken, quadrangle head. Cairo must not be allowed to headline a pay-per-view as a challenger to the WCF World Championship. The very notion of Cairo challenging for the most prestigious prize in wrestling history would cheapen our sport. It would cause the United States Congress to hold an investigation of WCF's business practices and possibly banish the sport of professional wrestling within the mainland United States. The combined energies of such WCF superstars as Outcast, Creeping Death and JJ Biggs must forge an alliance and eliminate the Cairo scourge from the War match. Cairo's WCF contract forbids him from challenging for WCF championships. The lone exception would be a Cairo victory in the War. If we can unite and destroy Cairo in the War, then we can prevent him from ever challenging for WCF championship gold. This is an essential mission and we must not fuck up. If Cairo wins this match, the entire future of our livelihood will be lost forever. I can not overstate the importance of a victory over Cairo in the War. Do not allow this plague of society to destroy what we have worked so hard to build!)
BOBBY CAIRO: Anti-Cairo propaganda has been getting pushed pretty hard lately. Seems like only yesterday I was the darling of this company. Nowadays the only thing that people want to do is tell you why Bobby Cairo is bad for business. Well, those people can go run out to the middle of a field and sit on it! That’s right, Bobby Cairo is fighting back against his critics! You don't like me? Sit on it, young man! I laugh at the people who bash me, because those people possess a subhuman intelligence. I am one of the greatest wrestlers in the world today. I can wrestle the pants off of a monkey in a henhouse. Don't believe me? Go visit my website www.cairokicksass.com and buy one of my DVDs! You will see me do such great things as beating up old people and spitting in the face of all that is good and decent! If that's not enough, you can watch me take part in a jam session with members of Journey and Cannibal Corpse! Buy that shit, it's hot yo!
(Oh, dear Cairo, what a tangled web we weave. Firstly, you would have us believe that you are some sort of entertainment superstar? I’ve seen better action between two hobos fighting over the last bowl of mulligatawny down at the soup kitchen. Secondly, do you honestly believe that anybody cares about your piece of shit DVDs? If I wanted to see a retard harassing old people and making an ass of himself, I would visit my half-brother Raymond in Virginia. The point is, Cairo, that nobody cares about you or your cheesy, lame-brained schemes. Guess what, butt boy, the latest Vegas odds are in and right now you're an underdog to Lawnmower Jones, Skyler Striker and Danny Vice. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that you're not taking up the rear behind such luminaries as Chris Avery and Matthew Clark (who?). The fact of the matter is that the American public has no confidence in your ability to win this match. More importantly, nobody wants you to win, so why don't you just drop dead?)
BOBBY CAIRO: All of the "experts" keep saying that Bobby Cairo is not the people's choice. Bobby Cairo is not the will of the American public. I'm gonna tell you something right now: The moment that Bobby Cairo shows even the slightest interest in public opinion is the moment that you send me back to Moscow in a pine box with love to Old Mother Russia! I don't want to win War to earn respect, I want to win War to prove that I am a superior form of life to all other competitors. I am the dynamic, irreplaceable force of light that nobody can shake like a bad habit. If you don't like me, that's okay. It doesn't change the fact that Cairo is fresh and bold like so much barbecue sauce on a juicy chicken wing.
(Cairo, you perverted deviant, I wouldn't piss on you to put you out if your soul was on fire and Satan was jamming his cock hardcore up your asshole. You are the piss that the ants swarm upon and devour. You are the skidmark upon the underwear of the legendary Pat Patterson when he did the stinkface to Rikishi. You will pay a heavy price for your antics, Cairo. I will personally see you fry for your crimes like so many serial delinquents before you. You are a grape juice stain upon the white t-shirt of our society. Did you think that you could ever escape justice, Mr. Cairo? Did you think that we wouldn't track you down and make you squeal like the Cairo pig that you are?)
BOBBY CAIRO: My enemies are foolish people and jealous people. They look at Cairo and they see a man who resembles so many of the ancient Greeks before me. I might well be carved from granite and my chin is an ideal perfection. I move and act with the cunning of a wizard when I am lambasting an unworthy adversary. Still, they chuckle with all the candor of a psychotic Iranian dictator. Why do they hate me so? Perhaps my thunder will sound to kill these clowns. If indeed my stock continues to rise then I must never turn back to wonder of the perpetuities of glandular disorders. Cairo is not going away; not for you, not for your mama, and not for all the love of George Costanza!
(Certain figures in our society have reached the status of "tragic" or "dumb motherfuckers who threw it all away". Bobby Cairo is such a figure. Why does Cairo continue to threaten our way of life? We can no longer allow Cairo's terrorist activities to burden the innocent and good-looking segment of our nation. Cairo is something that needs to be blotted out. Cairo does not understand rational procedures or non-intensive harassment proceedings. Cairo, if you are out there, we will find you. Mark my words, Cairo, your days are counting down to extinction.)
BOBBY CAIRO: Oh my gosh, I have a boner! That's right, everybody, Cairo has a boner! That's what happens when you get down with only the finest of Cambodian breast milks and you don’t stop to smell the coffee. Put a little bit of breast milk into your love, baby! Damn that shit sounds good! Why don't we just call off this War once and for all and declare Cairo as the winner? Little kids don't want to see their heroes get hurt and goddamn Cairo has some bad intentions going into this match. Cairo is looking to disembowel a motherfucker live on pay per view. If Cairo don't like that, what can Cairo do? Cairo can go blow a Pakistani pumpkin porter for nickels on the dollar!
(This is exactly what I am talking about, everybody. Look at how insane and unstable this man truly has become! What would happen if this guy won the damn wrestling match? I don’t want it to happen so bad! Please don't let it happen, my fabulous friends!)
BOBBY CAIRO: Bobby Cairo will leave you with one last fine pearl of wisdom. Tonight there will be a War. There will be many shots fired, but there will be only two shots that count. The first shot will be me hitting Nate Nytro. The second shot will be Nate Nytro hitting the floor. The only thing that matters is that Cairo is like a fine Patrick Ewing, Poison God Machine. Cairo will light the world on fire with his fight. One world class performance can end it all! It doesn't matter if Johnny Jabroni brings his A-game, because this Cairo don't run! When you smell the fear in the arena tonight, don't act like I didn't tell you to bring a wet-nap, ya stupid sucker! Bite it! Bite my butt, everybody! That's what you must recall, Mr. Terminator!
(Cairo is a spectacularly undominant species of man. Cairo is the type of man who will be unable to perform in bed for a beautiful woman in just a few years. Cairo's potency will be lost because he doesn't deserve to spawn offspring. No woman would even want to birth his children anyway, but even if he drugged her it wouldn't make a difference. Cairo is going down tonight and forever, and if that don't send a message to alien invaders once and for all, then I don't know what will! BOBBY CAIRO: By the way, I will own the ocean! Hey you, Cairo, get out of here!)
BOBBY CAIRO: Anti-Cairo propaganda has been getting pushed pretty hard lately. Seems like only yesterday I was the darling of this company. Nowadays the only thing that people want to do is tell you why Bobby Cairo is bad for business. Well, those people can go run out to the middle of a field and sit on it! That’s right, Bobby Cairo is fighting back against his critics! You don't like me? Sit on it, young man! I laugh at the people who bash me, because those people possess a subhuman intelligence. I am one of the greatest wrestlers in the world today. I can wrestle the pants off of a monkey in a henhouse. Don't believe me? Go visit my website www.cairokicksass.com and buy one of my DVDs! You will see me do such great things as beating up old people and spitting in the face of all that is good and decent! If that's not enough, you can watch me take part in a jam session with members of Journey and Cannibal Corpse! Buy that shit, it's hot yo!
(Oh, dear Cairo, what a tangled web we weave. Firstly, you would have us believe that you are some sort of entertainment superstar? I’ve seen better action between two hobos fighting over the last bowl of mulligatawny down at the soup kitchen. Secondly, do you honestly believe that anybody cares about your piece of shit DVDs? If I wanted to see a retard harassing old people and making an ass of himself, I would visit my half-brother Raymond in Virginia. The point is, Cairo, that nobody cares about you or your cheesy, lame-brained schemes. Guess what, butt boy, the latest Vegas odds are in and right now you're an underdog to Lawnmower Jones, Skyler Striker and Danny Vice. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that you're not taking up the rear behind such luminaries as Chris Avery and Matthew Clark (who?). The fact of the matter is that the American public has no confidence in your ability to win this match. More importantly, nobody wants you to win, so why don't you just drop dead?)
BOBBY CAIRO: All of the "experts" keep saying that Bobby Cairo is not the people's choice. Bobby Cairo is not the will of the American public. I'm gonna tell you something right now: The moment that Bobby Cairo shows even the slightest interest in public opinion is the moment that you send me back to Moscow in a pine box with love to Old Mother Russia! I don't want to win War to earn respect, I want to win War to prove that I am a superior form of life to all other competitors. I am the dynamic, irreplaceable force of light that nobody can shake like a bad habit. If you don't like me, that's okay. It doesn't change the fact that Cairo is fresh and bold like so much barbecue sauce on a juicy chicken wing.
(Cairo, you perverted deviant, I wouldn't piss on you to put you out if your soul was on fire and Satan was jamming his cock hardcore up your asshole. You are the piss that the ants swarm upon and devour. You are the skidmark upon the underwear of the legendary Pat Patterson when he did the stinkface to Rikishi. You will pay a heavy price for your antics, Cairo. I will personally see you fry for your crimes like so many serial delinquents before you. You are a grape juice stain upon the white t-shirt of our society. Did you think that you could ever escape justice, Mr. Cairo? Did you think that we wouldn't track you down and make you squeal like the Cairo pig that you are?)
BOBBY CAIRO: My enemies are foolish people and jealous people. They look at Cairo and they see a man who resembles so many of the ancient Greeks before me. I might well be carved from granite and my chin is an ideal perfection. I move and act with the cunning of a wizard when I am lambasting an unworthy adversary. Still, they chuckle with all the candor of a psychotic Iranian dictator. Why do they hate me so? Perhaps my thunder will sound to kill these clowns. If indeed my stock continues to rise then I must never turn back to wonder of the perpetuities of glandular disorders. Cairo is not going away; not for you, not for your mama, and not for all the love of George Costanza!
(Certain figures in our society have reached the status of "tragic" or "dumb motherfuckers who threw it all away". Bobby Cairo is such a figure. Why does Cairo continue to threaten our way of life? We can no longer allow Cairo's terrorist activities to burden the innocent and good-looking segment of our nation. Cairo is something that needs to be blotted out. Cairo does not understand rational procedures or non-intensive harassment proceedings. Cairo, if you are out there, we will find you. Mark my words, Cairo, your days are counting down to extinction.)
BOBBY CAIRO: Oh my gosh, I have a boner! That's right, everybody, Cairo has a boner! That's what happens when you get down with only the finest of Cambodian breast milks and you don’t stop to smell the coffee. Put a little bit of breast milk into your love, baby! Damn that shit sounds good! Why don't we just call off this War once and for all and declare Cairo as the winner? Little kids don't want to see their heroes get hurt and goddamn Cairo has some bad intentions going into this match. Cairo is looking to disembowel a motherfucker live on pay per view. If Cairo don't like that, what can Cairo do? Cairo can go blow a Pakistani pumpkin porter for nickels on the dollar!
(This is exactly what I am talking about, everybody. Look at how insane and unstable this man truly has become! What would happen if this guy won the damn wrestling match? I don’t want it to happen so bad! Please don't let it happen, my fabulous friends!)
BOBBY CAIRO: Bobby Cairo will leave you with one last fine pearl of wisdom. Tonight there will be a War. There will be many shots fired, but there will be only two shots that count. The first shot will be me hitting Nate Nytro. The second shot will be Nate Nytro hitting the floor. The only thing that matters is that Cairo is like a fine Patrick Ewing, Poison God Machine. Cairo will light the world on fire with his fight. One world class performance can end it all! It doesn't matter if Johnny Jabroni brings his A-game, because this Cairo don't run! When you smell the fear in the arena tonight, don't act like I didn't tell you to bring a wet-nap, ya stupid sucker! Bite it! Bite my butt, everybody! That's what you must recall, Mr. Terminator!
(Cairo is a spectacularly undominant species of man. Cairo is the type of man who will be unable to perform in bed for a beautiful woman in just a few years. Cairo's potency will be lost because he doesn't deserve to spawn offspring. No woman would even want to birth his children anyway, but even if he drugged her it wouldn't make a difference. Cairo is going down tonight and forever, and if that don't send a message to alien invaders once and for all, then I don't know what will! BOBBY CAIRO: By the way, I will own the ocean! Hey you, Cairo, get out of here!)
