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Post by FPV on Sept 19, 2015 23:09:30 GMT -5
What do you guys think of this one? I tried a new format for my RPs and I think it's working way better then my old, really glad with how this turned out.
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Post by Wade Moor on Sept 19, 2015 23:44:50 GMT -5
It was a great read, my man! And you dropped some ether with that shoot! Really solid piece you have this week, probably your best since you've returned!
There were a few lingering [ /font]'s in there, but nothing that can't be fixed with a quick edit.
Great job this week Vic. Sorry if my feedback wasn't too in depth. Just got off work and read it before I finish up my promo tonight!
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Post by FPV on Sept 19, 2015 23:49:49 GMT -5
It was a great read, my man! And you dropped some ether with that shoot! Really solid piece you have this week, probably your best since you've returned! There were a few lingering [ /font]'s in there, but nothing that can't be fixed with a quick edit. Great job this week Vic. Sorry if my feedback wasn't too in depth. Just got off work and read it before I finish up my promo tonight! Sall good man, thanks for the kind words! |
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Kyle
Mid-Carder
Posts: 967
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Post by Kyle on Sept 21, 2015 21:05:52 GMT -5
Let's see what I can give you here, bud . . .
I like the new format, love to see when people can use center font and have it flow well. People don't always consider that, but the coding makes a big difference, especially for characters still trying to find their feet. It flowed well, the colors were not oppressive at all. So yeah, I say stick with this.
I liked the layout of the story, giving us the big event at the very beginning. The scenes were short yet did well to lay out Vic's week, so to speak, leading up to Slam. I'm not completely familiar with Vic yet, so some of the minor character interactions meant little to me (RIP Danny Cappo, who I won't have a chance to either). With that said, it was well done and left me feeling like I knew a little bit about Vic. That's the thing you're going to have to accomplish every week, since you have such a long plot planned for Vic, is to further that storyline every week yet still have it all make some sense to those just tuning in. You accomplished that this week and left me curious to future developments too, so props to you.
I have mixed feelings on the shoot this week, specifically the amount of it. The length and depth of the shoot on Billy I think was solid, given where the character stands in the company right now, but I felt as if your shoot was lacking somewhat. It felt more like FPV speaking, with all the name dropping and references to the past; I won't say new characters should be completely oblivious to the WCF lore, but I felt a more symbolic approach or stronger character dissection of Cash could've made the difference this week. Vic doesn't have history with Cash and he's claims he's nothing like FPV, so it would probably help if he didn't reference his brother so much. In the same thread of thought, referencing Isiah Chavis had the same effect with me; OOC, it was a solid jab, though from an IC perspective, I cannot see why Vic would try to connect Isiah and Cash in such a way.
So yeah, like the format, fan of the story told, shoot was good but not enough, in my opinion, to top Cash's performance. With that said, I'm excited to see how you go into War and try to break the record for eliminations. I'm a FPV mark, but I want to see your work with Vic first.
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Post by FPV on Sept 21, 2015 21:26:28 GMT -5
Seriously great feedback man, thanks for giving it the critique it needed. Almost forgot I had posted this thread, lol.
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Post by Gemini Battle on Sept 21, 2015 21:27:06 GMT -5
Let's see what I can give you here, bud . . . I like the new format, love to see when people can use center font and have it flow well. People don't always consider that, but the coding makes a big difference, especially for characters still trying to find their feet. It flowed well, the colors were not oppressive at all. So yeah, I say stick with this. I liked the layout of the story, giving us the big event at the very beginning. The scenes were short yet did well to lay out Vic's week, so to speak, leading up to Slam. I'm not completely familiar with Vic yet, so some of the minor character interactions meant little to me (RIP Danny Cappo, who I won't have a chance to either). With that said, it was well done and left me feeling like I knew a little bit about Vic. That's the thing you're going to have to accomplish every week, since you have such a long plot planned for Vic, is to further that storyline every week yet still have it all make some sense to those just tuning in. You accomplished that this week and left me curious to future developments too, so props to you. I have mixed feelings on the shoot this week, specifically the amount of it. The length and depth of the shoot on Billy I think was solid, given where the character stands in the company right now, but I felt as if your shoot was lacking somewhat. It felt more like FPV speaking, with all the name dropping and references to the past; I won't say new characters should be completely oblivious to the WCF lore, but I felt a more symbolic approach or stronger character dissection of Cash could've made the difference this week. Vic doesn't have history with Cash and he's claims he's nothing like FPV, so it would probably help if he didn't reference his brother so much. In the same thread of thought, referencing Isiah Chavis had the same effect with me; OOC, it was a solid jab, though from an IC perspective, I cannot see why Vic would try to connect Isiah and Cash in such a way. So yeah, like the format, fan of the story told, shoot was good but not enough, in my opinion, to top Cash's performance. With that said, I'm excited to see how you go into War and try to break the record for eliminations. I'm a FPV mark, but I want to see your work with Vic first. That bolded part I'll agree with and it's the basis of my shoot on you for war lol. That being said I've really enjoyed your work since you returned and you've gained speed and momentum each week. I don't know FPV other than his life as nvlegiom put it but Vic is great. He seems to feel like he's in his brothers shadow and trying to get out. In CD portions it's fine...great even to show your vulnerabilities there but keep your shoot focussed and strong. As for the center align... Ive loved it since I started using it. I find it easier to read and easier to follow. |
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