Revenge Results from the FUTURE
Aug 27, 2015 10:39:07 GMT -5
via mobile
Logan, Alex Richards, and 5 more like this
Post by Ulysses Nabrow on Aug 27, 2015 10:39:07 GMT -5
Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologize for my absence, I had an issue with my time machine and I got stuck in Victorian England for a while… the ladies there are HIDEOUS by the way. I mean I thought they were ugly now but I believe the term butter face started there.
ANYWAY!
I got shit up and running and got to this upcoming Revenge. I was surprised to see Bates and Dune in the main event, instead of Joey Flash and Adam Young, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
Get your wallets out, and place your bets because PERRY FEWELL, NEWS REPORTER OF THE FUTURE IS BACK with this week’s Revenge Results.
Remember folks, these are 100% my visual accounts of what happened this coming Sunday at Revenge, and everything written here is not predictions, they are 100% true.
*note: the future has the potential for change and Perry Fewell will not be held liable for any funds lost in your gambling excursion.*
Sin Rostro and Vic Venable vs CJ Sharpe and Cletus T Clyde vs Ace Maverick and Wolf
Ace Maverick comes riding in on a jet while a rabid wolf rides on top. He jumps off and rips to shred the opponents leaving the referee no choice but to name the flying lychans the winner.
Legion vs Dustin Beaver
Maple…Maple… Maple. OOOOHHHHHH Dustin Beaver makes quick work of Legion by creating a damn that even a Legion can’t break through.
Night Rider/Denise D’Evil vs Riddlebox and Kyle Kemp
Riddle me this, riddle me that… who’s afraid of the big bad bat?
No one.
Denise and Kit the talking car open the box of riddles and stuffs Kyle Kemp inside.
(THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS)
They win.
People’s Title Match
Spencer Adams vs Kyle Kemp
Kemp is able to get out of the box of riddles and face off against Spencer Adams. Losing again, making Kyle Kemp the best at losing. Spencer Adams challenges him to a game of Othello, gets the corners and wins easily.
Jeff Purse and Jay Omega vs Jackson White and the Ultimate Destroyer
This match doesn’t happen. Neither Omega nor Jeff Purse give a shit and decide to smoke weed and play video games. So Ultimate Destroyer destroys Jackson white for no reason… Ultimately.
Doug Murdock and Oblivion in a First blood Match
Doug Murdock comes out with a hockey stick and bashes it over Oblivions head. Then he takes a knife and cuts IT over and over again. Turns out that Oblivion had drained all of his blood prior to this match and replaced it all with MAYONAISSE! No matter how much Doug Murdock tries he can’t cause blood to flow from oblivion so he turns the knife to himself because he just can’t deal with it any more. Oblivion literally does nothing the entire match, considering his entire bloodstream has been replaced by dressing.
Los Tiburones vs Derek Moreno
There’s a lot of rules to this one. I gotta be honest folks, I fell asleep while the referee explained the rules. I woke up and Derek Moreno and Los Tibs were playing flip cup beer pong, where they have to flip a cup, and when they do they get to throw an unlimited amount of ping pong balls into the other guy’s solo cups, and whoever gets 10 first wins. Except it turns out they were using moonshine and both men pass out before the game is over.
Alex Richards vs Raymond Hatcher vs Jordan Caliban US Title #1 Contender’s Match
Hatcher got to the ring and talked about Joey Flash literally the whole time… he did nothing else as the action went on around him. Jordan Caliban kept yelling about how underappreciated he is as Alex Richards kept yelling ‘I’m Weird’ while flapping around like a… I’m trying to exact quote this
A horse with wings that is neither a Pegasus nor a unicorn, but something else entirely… some type of flightless horse bird… yea a flightless horse bird… or a borse… I’m gonna call it a borse…I’m a borse, I’m a borse! But I can’t fly like a chicken can’t fly… so maybe I should mix horse and chicken? But I’ve already committed to Borse so I’m sticking with it.’
Yea, Alex Richards wins.
Last Man Standing Match
Scarecrow vs Wade Moor
Crow calls Moor mean names. Moor calls for the power of Poseidon, pissing off Neptune and water crashes down on him drowning him. Crow flies overhead and wins the match.
(Remember folks, all of these things actually happened in the future I went to.)
Joey Flash vs Zombie McMorris
Joey Flash and Zombie McMorris have a I don’t give a fuck-off. Mcmorris wins hands down.
Hell in a Cell Gemini Battle vs KL Henson
The cells collapses on top of both men, Henson turns into a amorphous blob and gets through the wreckage and appears at the top, naked as a bird, and victorious.
TV Title Match
Jonny Fly vs Teo del Sol
Teddy turns into the sun and burns the entire place down. It takes a day to fix the wreckage… somehow everyone survives, except Jonny Fly who got swatted away… we think he accidentally got on a bus and can’t find his way home.
US Title Match
Sanchez vs Chavis
Hardcore hell means something totally different to Chavis than it does to Sanchez apparently as Chavis dresses like a leather daddy. Sanchez brought weapons to a sex fight. Eventually Chavis overpowers and bends him over, whips out his member and places it on top of Sanchez’s hiney. He then says ‘I would never do this to a person who didn’t want it.’ Sanchez responds ‘ who says I don’t want it?’ the two men then make out in the most romantic and passionate display of man on man love making the world has ever set eyes on while ‘I will always love you’ by Mariah Carey sung by Buckwheat plays over the loudspeaker… there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. This was truly a touching moment of the night.
Bates vs Dune
World Title Match
Bates wins
Well that’s it folks, that’s what I saw, now you don’t even have to buy the paperview… I think I spelled that wrong.
Good Night!
ANYWAY!
I got shit up and running and got to this upcoming Revenge. I was surprised to see Bates and Dune in the main event, instead of Joey Flash and Adam Young, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
Get your wallets out, and place your bets because PERRY FEWELL, NEWS REPORTER OF THE FUTURE IS BACK with this week’s Revenge Results.
Remember folks, these are 100% my visual accounts of what happened this coming Sunday at Revenge, and everything written here is not predictions, they are 100% true.
*note: the future has the potential for change and Perry Fewell will not be held liable for any funds lost in your gambling excursion.*
Sin Rostro and Vic Venable vs CJ Sharpe and Cletus T Clyde vs Ace Maverick and Wolf
Ace Maverick comes riding in on a jet while a rabid wolf rides on top. He jumps off and rips to shred the opponents leaving the referee no choice but to name the flying lychans the winner.
Legion vs Dustin Beaver
Maple…Maple… Maple. OOOOHHHHHH Dustin Beaver makes quick work of Legion by creating a damn that even a Legion can’t break through.
Night Rider/Denise D’Evil vs Riddlebox and Kyle Kemp
Riddle me this, riddle me that… who’s afraid of the big bad bat?
No one.
Denise and Kit the talking car open the box of riddles and stuffs Kyle Kemp inside.
(THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS)
They win.
People’s Title Match
Spencer Adams vs Kyle Kemp
Kemp is able to get out of the box of riddles and face off against Spencer Adams. Losing again, making Kyle Kemp the best at losing. Spencer Adams challenges him to a game of Othello, gets the corners and wins easily.
Jeff Purse and Jay Omega vs Jackson White and the Ultimate Destroyer
This match doesn’t happen. Neither Omega nor Jeff Purse give a shit and decide to smoke weed and play video games. So Ultimate Destroyer destroys Jackson white for no reason… Ultimately.
Doug Murdock and Oblivion in a First blood Match
Doug Murdock comes out with a hockey stick and bashes it over Oblivions head. Then he takes a knife and cuts IT over and over again. Turns out that Oblivion had drained all of his blood prior to this match and replaced it all with MAYONAISSE! No matter how much Doug Murdock tries he can’t cause blood to flow from oblivion so he turns the knife to himself because he just can’t deal with it any more. Oblivion literally does nothing the entire match, considering his entire bloodstream has been replaced by dressing.
Los Tiburones vs Derek Moreno
There’s a lot of rules to this one. I gotta be honest folks, I fell asleep while the referee explained the rules. I woke up and Derek Moreno and Los Tibs were playing flip cup beer pong, where they have to flip a cup, and when they do they get to throw an unlimited amount of ping pong balls into the other guy’s solo cups, and whoever gets 10 first wins. Except it turns out they were using moonshine and both men pass out before the game is over.
Alex Richards vs Raymond Hatcher vs Jordan Caliban US Title #1 Contender’s Match
Hatcher got to the ring and talked about Joey Flash literally the whole time… he did nothing else as the action went on around him. Jordan Caliban kept yelling about how underappreciated he is as Alex Richards kept yelling ‘I’m Weird’ while flapping around like a… I’m trying to exact quote this
A horse with wings that is neither a Pegasus nor a unicorn, but something else entirely… some type of flightless horse bird… yea a flightless horse bird… or a borse… I’m gonna call it a borse…I’m a borse, I’m a borse! But I can’t fly like a chicken can’t fly… so maybe I should mix horse and chicken? But I’ve already committed to Borse so I’m sticking with it.’
Yea, Alex Richards wins.
Last Man Standing Match
Scarecrow vs Wade Moor
Crow calls Moor mean names. Moor calls for the power of Poseidon, pissing off Neptune and water crashes down on him drowning him. Crow flies overhead and wins the match.
(Remember folks, all of these things actually happened in the future I went to.)
Joey Flash vs Zombie McMorris
Joey Flash and Zombie McMorris have a I don’t give a fuck-off. Mcmorris wins hands down.
Hell in a Cell Gemini Battle vs KL Henson
The cells collapses on top of both men, Henson turns into a amorphous blob and gets through the wreckage and appears at the top, naked as a bird, and victorious.
TV Title Match
Jonny Fly vs Teo del Sol
Teddy turns into the sun and burns the entire place down. It takes a day to fix the wreckage… somehow everyone survives, except Jonny Fly who got swatted away… we think he accidentally got on a bus and can’t find his way home.
US Title Match
Sanchez vs Chavis
Hardcore hell means something totally different to Chavis than it does to Sanchez apparently as Chavis dresses like a leather daddy. Sanchez brought weapons to a sex fight. Eventually Chavis overpowers and bends him over, whips out his member and places it on top of Sanchez’s hiney. He then says ‘I would never do this to a person who didn’t want it.’ Sanchez responds ‘ who says I don’t want it?’ the two men then make out in the most romantic and passionate display of man on man love making the world has ever set eyes on while ‘I will always love you’ by Mariah Carey sung by Buckwheat plays over the loudspeaker… there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. This was truly a touching moment of the night.
Bates vs Dune
World Title Match
Bates wins
Well that’s it folks, that’s what I saw, now you don’t even have to buy the paperview… I think I spelled that wrong.
Good Night!
