Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2007 13:31:04 GMT -5
All things blasphemous become sanctimonious in the eyes of a scorned man. The hatred knows no bounds and the lies sink ever deeper inside the soul. Who prays for thee and who preys on thee? These are questions for the mannequin in the mirror. Speak to me, beloved. Manifest your memories and allow us to be reborn in Hell. Only the sweet kiss of the serpent's lips can release me. Don't tease me, young blood. Don't let me think we could be together if our love could never be complete.
Bobby Cairo: A man named Roman Candle set me straight. He took me aside and painted me a certain shade of yellow before knocking me the fuck out. I laughed and coughed a bunch of times before threatening to kick the bucket. Rich men will always pretend to be God and God will always pretend to be a rich man. The Holy Bible told me to feed my children to serpents and so it shall be done. In fact, I'm in the mood for some infant platter as we speak. Oh my, I do get hungry before a big match.
Spanish as the national language, English as the national language...who cares? I just want to be held and consoled before the bottom falls out and the glass shatters on the pavement. You want reality television? Stick a television camera in Central Park at 3'o clock in the morning and watch people get mugged and stabbed to death. It doesn't get more real than that, but that's too real. People can't handle the truth. They want to have their bellies rubbed and their heads patted like good little puppy dogs. Britney Spears, broccoli spears, Tears for Fears, that's more their speed. Don't forget the grape juice, Mr. Paleface.
Bobby Cairo: I was sitting around watching Full House as part of my preparation for John Stamos at Blast. Gallagher, the comedian who smashes watermelons with a giant mallet, had a guest appearance. I couldn't help but noticed how much Gallagher looks like David Crosby. It's an uncanny resemblance. They could pass for fat stupid-looking little brother and fatter stupider-looking big brother.
That little old timepiece you keep in your pocket could never prepare you for this experience. Your head will be decapitated in one beautiful motion by the man with a plan named Tommy Moran. Don't believe me? Ask the "The Rocket" Tommy Rogers what it's like to be a headless whoresman. Hahahahah. Your insolence provides the last cling for the static rush and you will exist no longer. Who provides the sustenance? Your soul provides the sustenance and what a tasty little morsel it has become!
Bobby Cairo: Riddle me this, Batman. If I can catch enough sleep with one eye open to beat 95% of all WCF competitors, should I be satisfied with being a career underachiever or should I make that big breakthrough that you've all been awaiting? It is quite the pickle, or quandary as you laypersons might say to yourselves and others. Law and Order, Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Criminal Intent...I'm still waiting for Law and Order: The Ronald McDonald Story.
Moonlit sonatas and carriage rides through Manhattan are the nectar of the gods. Why are you sitting there on your couch staring at an empty television screen? Will your HDTV save you from the mundane banality of suburban actuality? Your punishment is a lifetime supply of Big Macs and $20 gift certificates redeemable at your local Wal-Mart. Thank the man in the white lab coat for fixing your brain so you just don't care bout nuthin no more.
Bobby Cairo: Jack of Blades wouldn't listen to a ZZ Top record if he were threatened at gunpoint, yet you can't wait to sell your soul to The Man, Mr. Jones. That's the difference between a champion and a ratfink weasel. A man of class will never be a commercial slut. A man of ill breeding will always become the prostitute, the hooker for all things crass commercial. I will enjoy finishing you off like the mighty Sir Lancelot standing over a vanquished Irishman and slicing and dicing his innards like onions.
Give me your hand and I will take you away from this. We can be together forever. There will be no witless MTV, no all-encompassing pharmaceutical industry. We can be alone to make love and breed new life, better life. We can make true progress in the face of a regressing society. What is your decision, madam? Have you denied me the privilege of invading your territory? I must make you my hostage and splatter your brains across distant highways and radiant fields of glowing cars and muskrat ancients.
Bobby Cairo: I want to communicate with all of the young people. Speak to me, beloved. Tell me your game. What's with all this noise that I've been hearing? I want the best and the brightest. Soothsayers and granite-headed nincompoops need not apply. Allow me to address another pressing issue: Rotten old people trying to get into heaven. It makes me sick. People like Bob Knight try to reinvent themselves and conform to morality all in the vain hope of spending eternity in paradise. If Bob Knight gets into Heaven, I swear I'll punch St. Peter in the face before I choke him out. You can bet your bottom dollar on that, sonny boy.
Have I become the miracle worker? Can I turn shit to riches with the simple twist of a myth? The spinning of a yarn about a catfish becomes an index property in Hollywood. Ben Affleck makes considerable dough for substandard work, politicians declare themselves cured of all mental disease, Kobe Bryant learns the meaning of Dockers Khakis and Bobby Cairo earns a shot at redemption. All of this can happen if you build it, because they will come and come and come for days. Amen, brotha!
Bobby Cairo: It's a shame that Lawnmower Jones is so desperately seeking Satan. I have to tell you, Jones, I know the man and I can tell you that he's not happy unless he gets his taquitos. What's that, Jones? You're talking about playoffs? There are no playoffs in Hades, young man. We come here to burn and burn we shall. Turn the channel and roll them bones, young Jones, because you don't have a rat's ass or a dog's tail of reaching the eclipse.
In the deep words our secrets can be found. A blessed virgin may become a rotten wench in the blink of an eye. Led Zeppelin "reunites" with Jason Bonham on drums in the ultimate cashgrab of the new century. China will bring democracy to billions and hamburger to trillions. I just want to say what an honor and a privilege it is to be here tonight in front of all you loyal fans. You really make me...you make me so friggin' proud to be an ice hockey player and I want to say God bless Canada for one and all! Good night and Godspeed!
Bobby Cairo: Jones and Stalin would have been good friends. Jones could have strapped the kids in while Stalin lopped their heads off. Perhaps you would like that, Mr. Jones? Perversion never shifts gears much before breaking down forever. If your mother disowned you I will find out, Jones. I always uncover the facts in the course of my investigations. I will give you the first chance to reveal the truth under your own terms because if I get there first I can promise you that I will show no mercy.
"Please please me" was the siren song of a man from the Beatles. I held no regard for such nonsense. I would shotgun to Hell any such fool who crossed my path. Damnation is not such a bad thing. You get to hang out with members of 2 Live Kru and drink Lobster Schnapps until you're pink in the face. Personally I think this is better than the other place because nobody looks over your shoulder and bothers you when you're jacking off.
Bobby Cairo: You've become so adept at spinning lies, Mr. Jones. You would have the fans believe that nobody cares about accomplishment or corporate intrigue. Am I the inside man? Am I the Strep Throat to your Johnny Knoxville? Put down the candy and let the little boy go, Mr. Jones. I am gunning for you and I don't mean Picasso's earlobe. Paint yourself a pretty picture, wrap it up in a slender little bow and arrow. Is it Jessica Biel? Of course not. Nothing is Jessica Biel.
Dream a little dream of me if you can find the strength tonight. It will be a long cold millennium if we can't pull together. I want everything to be perfect. I pruchased wine, frilly underpants and a night on the coin operated bed that does the stuff that the girlies like. Oh yeah, I even got some of the Bonds rocket fuel down in the Bay Area just in case...Hey if former presidential hopeful Bob Mole can get away with it, why can't I?
Bobby Cairo: Who are you to question my manhood, LJ? I've won the World Title; I came within an eyelash of winning War. What exactly have you accomplished? Oh I get it. You don't need accomplishments. You can mope around like Outcast and pretend to be a star. I got some choice words for you, Jones. Outcast is a piece of washed up trash and you're a piece of never was even a washed up piece of trash. Don't like it? Choke on it, slappy!
If I ever find the Amen Corner I'll be sure to fill you in as to its whereabouts. I wouldn't want you going hungry and sleepless like so many foreigners. Foreigners pain me, but not as much as the band Foreigner. They were the worst band in history. I would kill them if I could be assured of impunity. Michael Richards AKA Kramer might have sad some bad words, but so what? It's entertainment. One guys says one thing and it's funny, but another guy says another thing and we act like squirrels jumping an elderly woman with an umbrella. If you can't appreciate a psychotic outburst then get the fuck out da kitchen, son.
Bobby Cairo: So what if I steal your pizza? Who's gonna stop me? You can't stop me. You couldn't bite my buns if thy were glued to your face. Don't make me go nuts and strike you with a harpsichord where the sun don't shine. Obsidian will correct your mistakes and send you a hefty bill as a lesson. You can’t find good help cheap and you can't find cheap help good. You might as well splurge once in a blue moon.
Pluto is not a real planet and the world doesn't care. Least relevant news in history. Build me an autopsy of a North American Sasquatch and I might give a flying leap. Where in the world ca I go for the best hamburger? Maybe I got to go down to the diner where Mellancamp wrote "Jack and Diane" and bash Mellancamp over the head with a sousaphone. Good night, Mellancamp, you dastardly devil you.
Bobby Cairo: So what if I take pictures of you on the toilet? Who's gonna stop me? You can't stop me. You couldn't bite my buns if they were glued to your face. Don't make me go nuts and strike you with a harpsichord where the son don't shine. Obsidian will correct your mistakes and send you a hefty bill as a lesson. You can't find good help cheap and you can't find cheap help good. You might as well splurge once in a blue moon.
Congratulations to all of the participants on a great red carpet extravaganza. The sheep bought and paid for it, we made billions. Congrats to the white folks on yet another outstanding scheme. We cleaned up in this house yo. Good stuff all around. I enjoyed it. Amen to that. Yes indeed, we burned them fuckers to the ground. We're setting things on fire...
Bobby Cairo: A man named Roman Candle set me straight. He took me aside and painted me a certain shade of yellow before knocking me the fuck out. I laughed and coughed a bunch of times before threatening to kick the bucket. Rich men will always pretend to be God and God will always pretend to be a rich man. The Holy Bible told me to feed my children to serpents and so it shall be done. In fact, I'm in the mood for some infant platter as we speak. Oh my, I do get hungry before a big match.
Spanish as the national language, English as the national language...who cares? I just want to be held and consoled before the bottom falls out and the glass shatters on the pavement. You want reality television? Stick a television camera in Central Park at 3'o clock in the morning and watch people get mugged and stabbed to death. It doesn't get more real than that, but that's too real. People can't handle the truth. They want to have their bellies rubbed and their heads patted like good little puppy dogs. Britney Spears, broccoli spears, Tears for Fears, that's more their speed. Don't forget the grape juice, Mr. Paleface.
Bobby Cairo: I was sitting around watching Full House as part of my preparation for John Stamos at Blast. Gallagher, the comedian who smashes watermelons with a giant mallet, had a guest appearance. I couldn't help but noticed how much Gallagher looks like David Crosby. It's an uncanny resemblance. They could pass for fat stupid-looking little brother and fatter stupider-looking big brother.
That little old timepiece you keep in your pocket could never prepare you for this experience. Your head will be decapitated in one beautiful motion by the man with a plan named Tommy Moran. Don't believe me? Ask the "The Rocket" Tommy Rogers what it's like to be a headless whoresman. Hahahahah. Your insolence provides the last cling for the static rush and you will exist no longer. Who provides the sustenance? Your soul provides the sustenance and what a tasty little morsel it has become!
Bobby Cairo: Riddle me this, Batman. If I can catch enough sleep with one eye open to beat 95% of all WCF competitors, should I be satisfied with being a career underachiever or should I make that big breakthrough that you've all been awaiting? It is quite the pickle, or quandary as you laypersons might say to yourselves and others. Law and Order, Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Criminal Intent...I'm still waiting for Law and Order: The Ronald McDonald Story.
Moonlit sonatas and carriage rides through Manhattan are the nectar of the gods. Why are you sitting there on your couch staring at an empty television screen? Will your HDTV save you from the mundane banality of suburban actuality? Your punishment is a lifetime supply of Big Macs and $20 gift certificates redeemable at your local Wal-Mart. Thank the man in the white lab coat for fixing your brain so you just don't care bout nuthin no more.
Bobby Cairo: Jack of Blades wouldn't listen to a ZZ Top record if he were threatened at gunpoint, yet you can't wait to sell your soul to The Man, Mr. Jones. That's the difference between a champion and a ratfink weasel. A man of class will never be a commercial slut. A man of ill breeding will always become the prostitute, the hooker for all things crass commercial. I will enjoy finishing you off like the mighty Sir Lancelot standing over a vanquished Irishman and slicing and dicing his innards like onions.
Give me your hand and I will take you away from this. We can be together forever. There will be no witless MTV, no all-encompassing pharmaceutical industry. We can be alone to make love and breed new life, better life. We can make true progress in the face of a regressing society. What is your decision, madam? Have you denied me the privilege of invading your territory? I must make you my hostage and splatter your brains across distant highways and radiant fields of glowing cars and muskrat ancients.
Bobby Cairo: I want to communicate with all of the young people. Speak to me, beloved. Tell me your game. What's with all this noise that I've been hearing? I want the best and the brightest. Soothsayers and granite-headed nincompoops need not apply. Allow me to address another pressing issue: Rotten old people trying to get into heaven. It makes me sick. People like Bob Knight try to reinvent themselves and conform to morality all in the vain hope of spending eternity in paradise. If Bob Knight gets into Heaven, I swear I'll punch St. Peter in the face before I choke him out. You can bet your bottom dollar on that, sonny boy.
Have I become the miracle worker? Can I turn shit to riches with the simple twist of a myth? The spinning of a yarn about a catfish becomes an index property in Hollywood. Ben Affleck makes considerable dough for substandard work, politicians declare themselves cured of all mental disease, Kobe Bryant learns the meaning of Dockers Khakis and Bobby Cairo earns a shot at redemption. All of this can happen if you build it, because they will come and come and come for days. Amen, brotha!
Bobby Cairo: It's a shame that Lawnmower Jones is so desperately seeking Satan. I have to tell you, Jones, I know the man and I can tell you that he's not happy unless he gets his taquitos. What's that, Jones? You're talking about playoffs? There are no playoffs in Hades, young man. We come here to burn and burn we shall. Turn the channel and roll them bones, young Jones, because you don't have a rat's ass or a dog's tail of reaching the eclipse.
In the deep words our secrets can be found. A blessed virgin may become a rotten wench in the blink of an eye. Led Zeppelin "reunites" with Jason Bonham on drums in the ultimate cashgrab of the new century. China will bring democracy to billions and hamburger to trillions. I just want to say what an honor and a privilege it is to be here tonight in front of all you loyal fans. You really make me...you make me so friggin' proud to be an ice hockey player and I want to say God bless Canada for one and all! Good night and Godspeed!
Bobby Cairo: Jones and Stalin would have been good friends. Jones could have strapped the kids in while Stalin lopped their heads off. Perhaps you would like that, Mr. Jones? Perversion never shifts gears much before breaking down forever. If your mother disowned you I will find out, Jones. I always uncover the facts in the course of my investigations. I will give you the first chance to reveal the truth under your own terms because if I get there first I can promise you that I will show no mercy.
"Please please me" was the siren song of a man from the Beatles. I held no regard for such nonsense. I would shotgun to Hell any such fool who crossed my path. Damnation is not such a bad thing. You get to hang out with members of 2 Live Kru and drink Lobster Schnapps until you're pink in the face. Personally I think this is better than the other place because nobody looks over your shoulder and bothers you when you're jacking off.
Bobby Cairo: You've become so adept at spinning lies, Mr. Jones. You would have the fans believe that nobody cares about accomplishment or corporate intrigue. Am I the inside man? Am I the Strep Throat to your Johnny Knoxville? Put down the candy and let the little boy go, Mr. Jones. I am gunning for you and I don't mean Picasso's earlobe. Paint yourself a pretty picture, wrap it up in a slender little bow and arrow. Is it Jessica Biel? Of course not. Nothing is Jessica Biel.
Dream a little dream of me if you can find the strength tonight. It will be a long cold millennium if we can't pull together. I want everything to be perfect. I pruchased wine, frilly underpants and a night on the coin operated bed that does the stuff that the girlies like. Oh yeah, I even got some of the Bonds rocket fuel down in the Bay Area just in case...Hey if former presidential hopeful Bob Mole can get away with it, why can't I?
Bobby Cairo: Who are you to question my manhood, LJ? I've won the World Title; I came within an eyelash of winning War. What exactly have you accomplished? Oh I get it. You don't need accomplishments. You can mope around like Outcast and pretend to be a star. I got some choice words for you, Jones. Outcast is a piece of washed up trash and you're a piece of never was even a washed up piece of trash. Don't like it? Choke on it, slappy!
If I ever find the Amen Corner I'll be sure to fill you in as to its whereabouts. I wouldn't want you going hungry and sleepless like so many foreigners. Foreigners pain me, but not as much as the band Foreigner. They were the worst band in history. I would kill them if I could be assured of impunity. Michael Richards AKA Kramer might have sad some bad words, but so what? It's entertainment. One guys says one thing and it's funny, but another guy says another thing and we act like squirrels jumping an elderly woman with an umbrella. If you can't appreciate a psychotic outburst then get the fuck out da kitchen, son.
Bobby Cairo: So what if I steal your pizza? Who's gonna stop me? You can't stop me. You couldn't bite my buns if thy were glued to your face. Don't make me go nuts and strike you with a harpsichord where the sun don't shine. Obsidian will correct your mistakes and send you a hefty bill as a lesson. You can’t find good help cheap and you can't find cheap help good. You might as well splurge once in a blue moon.
Pluto is not a real planet and the world doesn't care. Least relevant news in history. Build me an autopsy of a North American Sasquatch and I might give a flying leap. Where in the world ca I go for the best hamburger? Maybe I got to go down to the diner where Mellancamp wrote "Jack and Diane" and bash Mellancamp over the head with a sousaphone. Good night, Mellancamp, you dastardly devil you.
Bobby Cairo: So what if I take pictures of you on the toilet? Who's gonna stop me? You can't stop me. You couldn't bite my buns if they were glued to your face. Don't make me go nuts and strike you with a harpsichord where the son don't shine. Obsidian will correct your mistakes and send you a hefty bill as a lesson. You can't find good help cheap and you can't find cheap help good. You might as well splurge once in a blue moon.
Congratulations to all of the participants on a great red carpet extravaganza. The sheep bought and paid for it, we made billions. Congrats to the white folks on yet another outstanding scheme. We cleaned up in this house yo. Good stuff all around. I enjoyed it. Amen to that. Yes indeed, we burned them fuckers to the ground. We're setting things on fire...
