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Post by Ulysses Nabrow on May 27, 2015 21:58:16 GMT -5
Ladies and Gentlemen, I visited the year 671 AD. I saw Jay Omega. He and I shared a port and beat a few wenches. He swears he will return in due time. I was able to assist him in his search for wifi. And then I jumped to cinco de mayo assuming that's when this ppv would be. Steve Orbit hooked me up with some of his prostitutes and I bailed out without paying the bill. He is not a happy pimp right now so don't tell him where I am.
SoI finally made it to the right date as Watched the Assnet of Hellmans and discovered who the future predicts to be the winner so I will show you all here in another edition of
PERRY FEWELL: THE BOOKIE FROM THE FUTURE
Just call me at 867--5309, as for Jennifer and she'll direct you to me. I swear that these predictions are based directly off of what I witnessed in the future. As always the future is not written in stone, but more so than not I'm fucking right so deal with it. Put all your money on...
SPOILERS AHEAD
Snapz vs Raymond Hatcher vs Marcus Cain vs Jack Coston vs Joey Raid vs Teo Del Sol
Winner: Teo del Sol:
3:6 odds
Teddy beats his opponents in what can only be called a snuff film starring ugly dudes. HE then goes on to star in Marvel's newest blockbuster hit Captain Mexico: The Summer Soldier. For an added Bet, Bet on that move being the biggest hit of 2016. Guaranteed hit!
K.L. Henson vs John Michaels Winner: KL Henson 8:11 Odds
What happens here may surprise you. John Michaels ends up being John Edwards and KL Henson ends up being RL Stine just like everyone thought. Edwards summons some spirits, Stine writes a hit children's horror story about, Say Cheese and Die. Henson picks up the victory.
Handicapped Match
Oblivion WickedBioWalker vs Zombie McMorris
Winner: NO Contest.
Oblivion eats the trio of WickedBioWalker. He then becomes a redneck werewolf lucha libre with the desire to kill everything in sight. Unfortunately Zombie MCMorris is Immortal. Oblickedbiowalker stabs and guys zombie for about 30 minutes until the FCC comes. Obliiwhatever then kills the FCC guy, and now finally satisfied just happily walks away while whistling the them from the Brady bunch
TRUE STORY!
No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere Match
Celeste vs Katherine Phoenix
Winner: Celeste Odds: 69:25
The fans nearly riot when they realize that two women are wrestling each other in a hardcore match. The Mexican fans don't understand female wrestling, it scares and confuses them. Because of this they rush the stage and try to undress the women because they're fucking savages. They pull down Katherine Phoenix's pants to reveal that she has no genitals male or female. Somehow no one is surprised. They pull down Celeste's pants to reveal a throbbing 9 inch thickness the likes that only Steve Orbit's hoes have seen. They all are mesmerized and Celeste uses her member to destroy Katherine Phoenix.
Stay tuned for the remaining results. Until Then
Place Your Bets!
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Post by Joey Flash on May 28, 2015 3:45:16 GMT -5
@mrflash no no no i refuse to trust dis mofucca again!!!!! dont listen to him ppl  |
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Post by Crow McMorris on May 28, 2015 7:13:56 GMT -5
@mrflash no no no i refuse to trust dis mofucca again!!!!! dont listen to him ppl I know what you mean...that Celeste revelation sounds NUTS! |
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Post by Ulysses Nabrow on May 30, 2015 12:25:56 GMT -5
Part II
Sorry for the delay but the bettingines are still open. I'm currently on the hunt for Logan and the search has brought me to a remote dungeon surrounded by dragons and lemurs... The lemurs are far more dangerous than the Dragon. I am on my phone so bear with me because fuck autocorrect.
Barbed Wire Cage Match
Winners Gets A United States Title Shot
Danny Anderson vs Occulo
Winner Danny Anderson
odds:78-56
Danderson vanishes mid match causing occulo to belie e that he has won. Occulo then celebrates the only way he knows how, self high fives but then Danny reappears with a pistol. He shoots and a flag reading 'boom' comes out with such force it knocks out occulo. Suprisingly no one gets hit with barbed wire the whole match.
Spencer Adams vs Howard Black
Winner: Howard Black
Odds:55-29
Its a pretty straight forward match. But then betty Adams shows up with a plate of oatmeal raisin cookies. Spencer salons over his own moth e and Howard Black steals the win then reveals that he is going to be Spencer Adam's new step father. Sex with an old lady.
Internet Title Match
Kyle Kemp vs Alex Richards
Winner: Alex Richards
1-9000000000
I visited the future 15 times. Literally every one had Alex Richards bodying Kyle. No need to get on this one. Alex always wins internet matches... Kyle loses this week.
People's Title Match
Vulgar vs Scarecrow
Winner:vulgar
Odds: 45-67
He vomits all over scarecrow but crow doesn't care. He returns the vomit with more vomit. The two men just continue vomitting on each other for 32 minutes until scarecrow passes out. Vulgar then wins.
Stay tuned for part three: the main events!
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Post by Ulysses Nabrow on Jun 1, 2015 13:19:20 GMT -5
For those of you that questioned my predictions from the future then answer me this…
Why would I have waited until now to post the results of the final 4 matches when the show was supposed to hit the airwaves yesterday?
Answer: Because I was fucking there man! I saw the FCC putting their noses where it don’t belong and fucking with the airing of the program. You WCF Wrestlers are a bunch of fucking derelicts and that’s why the fans love you.
So without any further ado… the results for the final four matches of Assinbutto De Mayonaisse!
United States Title Match
Mikey Extreme vs Kaz Mazy
Winner: Mikey Extreme
Odds: 99-87
Mikey fucking kills Kaz Mazy this match. Literally, the guy is Extreme to the max. He channels some Mortal Combat Fatality shit and rips off Kaz’s head shoves it down his neck hole and then rips open Kaz’s chest to reveal the head inside his chest cavity. Then he rips out the eyes and fucks the shit out of it. Mikey wins. But don’t get me wrong, Kaz fucking did a good job, but when he was standing there dazed there was nothing he could do.
Hardcore Title Match
Mod Deuce vs Marc Mayhem
Winner: Marc Mayhem
Odds:110-34
Mayhem and Deuce fight for 3 hours. Neither man gives up neither man gets pinned that entire time. Also surprisingly no weapons of any kind are used nor is any wrestling actually happening. They both decide to just beat the shit out of Torture that entire time. Bare knuckles… interesting stuff. The fans are bamboozled and confused to say the least. Marc eventually does a ‘look over there’ to Mod then rolls him up for the 1…2…3!
Trio’s Cup Finale
Team Fly, Orbit and Black vs Team Murdock, Battle and Bates
Winner: Team Murdock, Battle and Bates
Odds 50:50
Jonny Flies into Orbit and into a black hole. No one can find them. A count out victory for the other guys. Such a boring match. It was hyped for 3 months and then this. Such a disappointment. Such a shame. Such shit booking am I right?
World title Match
Dune vs Ice Beckman
Winner: Ice Beckman
Odds: 90089:899092
This match was a humdinger. A slobberknocker, a real back elbow drop. In this match between two brawlers a wrestling clinic is put on. Chain wrestling and high risk moves. They pretty much wrestle a lucha libre type match to the delight of the fans. Then suddenly Dune turns into a sand pile and Ice puts his beer in it. The match just kind of ends and the scene fades out.
So there you have it. Everything I predicted is 100% true to what I saw. As always the future is not written in stone so place your bets wisely. The reasons for the results may differ but the results are pretty much guaranteed*
*pretty much means about 50% chance correct
So Thanks for reading and I’ll see you at the next time I can escape the space time continuum. Peace out bitches!
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Post by Joey Flash on Jun 1, 2015 13:55:14 GMT -5
Someone fuccin kill this fraud!!
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Post by Ducky Flash on Jun 1, 2015 14:06:18 GMT -5
@DuckyFlash
Yeh someone fucc up his shit like I was fuccin' his fat fuccin' whore of a mother last nite!!!!!!!!
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Post by Gemini Battle on Jun 1, 2015 15:01:32 GMT -5
Did Joey flash just respond to himself with his alter ego?
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Post by Crow McMorris on Jun 1, 2015 15:55:14 GMT -5
Did Joey flash just respond to himself with his alter ego? I believe so, curiouser and curiouser. |
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