Post by Jack of Blades on Nov 25, 2006 11:25:07 GMT -5
The Set Up:
(Whirling cogs. Aching machines. All the sounds expected to be heard when one or as it is in this instance, four visit an adventure park. And of course, the duo of Jack of Blades and Jade Striker are reacting how they would be expected when visiting such a place. Jack looks as enthused as an ADD sufferer watching a Sofia Coppola movie, while Jade is enjoying a candy floss construction. At this, the velvet barrier opens up and they shuffle towards and through it. As they wait to board one of the dilapidated wagons that will hopefully maintain its stability enough to last the vertical fall into the tunnel, a young uncultured employee stops them with buckets. Wearing heavyset glasses and of a very pale complexion, the tall gentleman looks as if he does not frequent any place of sunlight unless forced to preferring the leisure of the inside. Despite being a good two inches taller than Jack, his gangly composure makes him seem that a brisk wind could force him off the platform and to the ground below. Taking a giant wheeze before speaking, he is soon interrupted by the gruff shouting of his forty-year-old ‘female’ (it is hard to define the being’s gender with very visible armpit hair), waddling to catch up with him. Whatever the ungodly creature has to say, it cannot wait to come out in the form of reprimanding her junior.)
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: Oi, what are you doing? You have to record all the numbers of people on the ride in case someone gets a free go!
Young Nerdy Employee: I’m sorry, it’s just kind of hard to record the numbers when the riders are moving at ninety miles per hour and being turned upside down.
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: Look, you only get two warnings from me and this is your second.
Young Nerdy Employee: It’s my first!
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: You’re forgetting about the time when you held the door open for me….
Young Nerdy Employee: You said thanks!
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: That counts! And make sure you keep an eye on him.
(The ‘Female’ walks off, satisfied at her rant before stopping and looking at Jack. She ungracefully expectorates a large globule of spit from her mouth and continues to waddle off.)
Young Nerdy Employee: Studying for a degree in Computer Development and the only job I can get is one that involves me pushing buttons randomly…
[/i]Young Nerdy Employee: Hi, I’m… (the roar of the rollercoaster overpowers his voice) but online, in the chatrooms, they know me as Cyrus.
Jack of Blades: That’s fantastic.
Cyrus: Now, I’m just going to ask you to remove all the items from your pockets and…
(Jack complies bringing forth a litany of items including (but not limited to) a series of condoms of differing varieties, an ‘Ellis’ Voodoo doll, an empty canister labelled ‘Thallium’ and a picture of him and Vladimir Putin deep in embrace.)
Cyrus: Yeah, it’s just that if you have any loose items in your purses and clothes when you do the loop-to-loop, they usually fall into the pit on the ground.
Jade Striker: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever pulled out of the pit?
Cyrus: A puppy. (They look at him quizzically.) Paris Hilton was on the ride’s maiden voyage.
Cut to:
(Jack et all have loaded into the wagon and are beginning their steady incline to the top of the dip that will plummet them down to earth. In the meantime, Jack is deeply engrossed in his copy of Dostoyevsky’s ‘Crime and Punishment.’)
: So Jack, thanks for this. I'm really enjoying myself.
(Without turning from his book.) Jack of Blades: I had free tickets. And Logan couldn't make it.
Jade Striker: Weren’t you supposed to give those to underprivileged children at the Christmas parade?
Cut to:
(The insides of what looks to be a store that specializes in gaming equipment are present in the camera as it looks through the windows outside. Figures of Solid Snake and Fox McCloud act as decoration for the shop while we look at the desperate scenario outside. Storming unbelievably, it seems that a monsoon is happening right there. Suddenly, a gaunt figure leaps against the window and pathetically bangs against it to earn attention. You would not know that this was the Face of Treachery.)
Logan: Let me in, you bastards. You fucking bastards.
(His body eventually gives in to the harsh conditions and his stature begins to crumble and he falls to the ground leaving a solitary hand to brush its fingers against the window and leave a trail in the condensation. Soon after, the collapsed Logan immediately gets up as if filled with vitality and energy before moving away from the camera’s scope.)
Logan: Ooh, Nachos.
Cut to:
(It seems as if the cart has finished moving up the track as it jars into inertia. They all fall forwards uncomfortably hitting the security bar preventing them from leaping out. Jack continues to read his novel.)
Speaker System: Welcome to your nightmare trip. You will descend into the deeps of fear and self-loathing in a moment of sheer terror that will leave you begging for more again and again. This ride will leave you breathless and scared at the same time.
Jack of Blades: Shannan?
Speaker System: Meet your Armageddon!
Cut to:
(The camera is grounded on the floor staring at the dip of the coaster at a distance. This distance is so great that we cannot make out any details about the riders bar the voice-overs of each of their reactions to the wagon’s quick fall down the tracks at the very high speed they are moving.)
Jade Striker: Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Jack of Blades: (Nothing but the slow turning of a page in his book.)
Cut to:
(We return to them now off the ride and at the section which retails in pictures taken at the climax of the ride.)
Jade Striker: Here. I brought this for you in case Vice makes a mistake or something happens like that.
(It seems to be a picture of them on the rollercoaster together as they fall to earth. Jack is captured enjoying his book, Jade is screaming wildly and in the row behind, a fellow passenger has snuck his left testicle out.)
Jack of Blades: Really…no one has ever brought me anything like that before.
(Jack’s expression turns into an almost sorrowful look as Jade shows him a smile. She turns away and Jack’s expression reverts back to his usual look of disdain as he scrunches the photo up and throws it behind him.)
(Whirling cogs. Aching machines. All the sounds expected to be heard when one or as it is in this instance, four visit an adventure park. And of course, the duo of Jack of Blades and Jade Striker are reacting how they would be expected when visiting such a place. Jack looks as enthused as an ADD sufferer watching a Sofia Coppola movie, while Jade is enjoying a candy floss construction. At this, the velvet barrier opens up and they shuffle towards and through it. As they wait to board one of the dilapidated wagons that will hopefully maintain its stability enough to last the vertical fall into the tunnel, a young uncultured employee stops them with buckets. Wearing heavyset glasses and of a very pale complexion, the tall gentleman looks as if he does not frequent any place of sunlight unless forced to preferring the leisure of the inside. Despite being a good two inches taller than Jack, his gangly composure makes him seem that a brisk wind could force him off the platform and to the ground below. Taking a giant wheeze before speaking, he is soon interrupted by the gruff shouting of his forty-year-old ‘female’ (it is hard to define the being’s gender with very visible armpit hair), waddling to catch up with him. Whatever the ungodly creature has to say, it cannot wait to come out in the form of reprimanding her junior.)
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: Oi, what are you doing? You have to record all the numbers of people on the ride in case someone gets a free go!
Young Nerdy Employee: I’m sorry, it’s just kind of hard to record the numbers when the riders are moving at ninety miles per hour and being turned upside down.
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: Look, you only get two warnings from me and this is your second.
Young Nerdy Employee: It’s my first!
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: You’re forgetting about the time when you held the door open for me….
Young Nerdy Employee: You said thanks!
Senior ‘Female’ Employee: That counts! And make sure you keep an eye on him.
(The ‘Female’ walks off, satisfied at her rant before stopping and looking at Jack. She ungracefully expectorates a large globule of spit from her mouth and continues to waddle off.)
Young Nerdy Employee: Studying for a degree in Computer Development and the only job I can get is one that involves me pushing buttons randomly…
[/i]Young Nerdy Employee: Hi, I’m… (the roar of the rollercoaster overpowers his voice) but online, in the chatrooms, they know me as Cyrus.
Jack of Blades: That’s fantastic.
Cyrus: Now, I’m just going to ask you to remove all the items from your pockets and…
(Jack complies bringing forth a litany of items including (but not limited to) a series of condoms of differing varieties, an ‘Ellis’ Voodoo doll, an empty canister labelled ‘Thallium’ and a picture of him and Vladimir Putin deep in embrace.)
Cyrus: Yeah, it’s just that if you have any loose items in your purses and clothes when you do the loop-to-loop, they usually fall into the pit on the ground.
Jade Striker: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever pulled out of the pit?
Cyrus: A puppy. (They look at him quizzically.) Paris Hilton was on the ride’s maiden voyage.
Cut to:
(Jack et all have loaded into the wagon and are beginning their steady incline to the top of the dip that will plummet them down to earth. In the meantime, Jack is deeply engrossed in his copy of Dostoyevsky’s ‘Crime and Punishment.’)
: So Jack, thanks for this. I'm really enjoying myself.
(Without turning from his book.) Jack of Blades: I had free tickets. And Logan couldn't make it.
Jade Striker: Weren’t you supposed to give those to underprivileged children at the Christmas parade?
Cut to:
(The insides of what looks to be a store that specializes in gaming equipment are present in the camera as it looks through the windows outside. Figures of Solid Snake and Fox McCloud act as decoration for the shop while we look at the desperate scenario outside. Storming unbelievably, it seems that a monsoon is happening right there. Suddenly, a gaunt figure leaps against the window and pathetically bangs against it to earn attention. You would not know that this was the Face of Treachery.)
Logan: Let me in, you bastards. You fucking bastards.
(His body eventually gives in to the harsh conditions and his stature begins to crumble and he falls to the ground leaving a solitary hand to brush its fingers against the window and leave a trail in the condensation. Soon after, the collapsed Logan immediately gets up as if filled with vitality and energy before moving away from the camera’s scope.)
Logan: Ooh, Nachos.
Cut to:
(It seems as if the cart has finished moving up the track as it jars into inertia. They all fall forwards uncomfortably hitting the security bar preventing them from leaping out. Jack continues to read his novel.)
Speaker System: Welcome to your nightmare trip. You will descend into the deeps of fear and self-loathing in a moment of sheer terror that will leave you begging for more again and again. This ride will leave you breathless and scared at the same time.
Jack of Blades: Shannan?
Speaker System: Meet your Armageddon!
Cut to:
(The camera is grounded on the floor staring at the dip of the coaster at a distance. This distance is so great that we cannot make out any details about the riders bar the voice-overs of each of their reactions to the wagon’s quick fall down the tracks at the very high speed they are moving.)
Jade Striker: Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Jack of Blades: (Nothing but the slow turning of a page in his book.)
Cut to:
(We return to them now off the ride and at the section which retails in pictures taken at the climax of the ride.)
Jade Striker: Here. I brought this for you in case Vice makes a mistake or something happens like that.
(It seems to be a picture of them on the rollercoaster together as they fall to earth. Jack is captured enjoying his book, Jade is screaming wildly and in the row behind, a fellow passenger has snuck his left testicle out.)
Jack of Blades: Really…no one has ever brought me anything like that before.
(Jack’s expression turns into an almost sorrowful look as Jade shows him a smile. She turns away and Jack’s expression reverts back to his usual look of disdain as he scrunches the photo up and throws it behind him.)
