Post by Biggs on Dec 30, 2006 21:56:03 GMT -5
The absolute greatest wrestler of all time is on your television right this very moment! You have a major orgasm when you hear him speak, you jump around with excitement when you hear his music hit. At the very sight of him, you begin to have chest pains. You're having a heart-attack, and it's because you realize that you're witnessing the rise of the greatest. He's so awesome, he's even got his own television station! That's right! Time Warner Cable would like to introduce their brand new station, a station dedicated to the GREATEST wrestler to ever step foot into the ring. He is JJ Biggs, and you're watching "Biggs TV."
JJ Biggs is sitting on a leather recliner in the center of en empty room. He's wearing a self-promotion shirt that reads, "Biggs TV" and he's wearing a pair of blue jeans. With a Rolex on his wrist and a pair of expensive sunglasses, he's looking the way a man of his caliber should.
'The Greatest' : I am the biggest thing since the invention of condoms. While we're on the topic, allow me to use a moment to promote the "Biggs" brand condoms. After all, this is my television channel. You thought the Trojan brand was strong? You thought they had some interesting and exotic flavors? Boy, were you wrong! You can use the same condom on different women, throughout the night, and it will never break! Believe me when I say that because I tested them myself. Yep, yep. Anyway! Everyone that tuned into my show tonight will have a box of "Biggs" brand condoms delivered to your home! Free of charge!
A small box falls from the ceiling and it lands on Biggs' lap. He picks the box up and he holds it out in the direction of the camera. The woman on the box is licking her lips and seems to be in a ready position. After careful examination it becomes obvious that the woman is David Alastair's mother! JJ smirks before throwing the box to the side.
'The Greatest' : You thought Muhammad Ali was great? Hell, nah! I could go back to when he was in his prime and I could kick his ass! And boxing isn't even what I do! That's how great I am. The pure definition, I'm not just great at one thing, I'm great at everything. I've won more gold in this company so quick that I'm the one that's on all of the promotional posters. Hell, when Torture was here, he wasn't even on the posters and he was the World Champion! You know how people say some people act like their shit doesn't stink?! Well, mine really doesn't stink! Oh, man, let me tell you what happened at the last WCF event. I was in the bathroom, right? And I was washing my hands, because, well, that's what you're supposed to do. Then, I heard a toilet flush, and the next thing I knew Craig D. Shultz came out of the stall, and he walked straight out of the bathroom! The dumbass didn't even bother to wash his hands! I mean, come on, that's just absolutely disgusting!
So, the bathroom smelled like shit, right? I mean, well, it's a bathroom. I thought it was from Craig's shit. Boy, was I wrong. I walked by him later and I caught that same smell! He must roll around in shit instead of putting deodorant on. Ah, now it's time for me to promote my deodorant.
Introducing, "Biggs" brand deodorant. We have many different scents, including my natural scent which drives the women wild! You'll never understand how long it took for us to create it! The Wal-Mart Liberation Front needs to purchase some of it so the hookers don't turn them down! Yes, you heard correctly. The hookers turn them down. They even offer to pay double, but still they can't get none.
Again, something falls from the ceiling and it lands in JJ Biggs' lap. He picks it up and he shows it to the camera. It's his "Natural Scent" deodorant. He holds it there for a moment before tossing it to the side.
'The Greatest' : My true fans will be proud to know that you cannot find my "Biggs" brand supplies in piece of shit stores like Wal-Mart or Target. No, sir, I wouldn't allow it because it's just degrading! What's even more degrading is when you shop at Good Will. My television crew filmed David Alastair and Craig D. Shultz while they were shopping for clothes at Good Will! Due to legal issues, I cannot show the tape. Anyway, on New Year's Day one thousand new stores will open across the country! "Biggs R' Us." You can find my deodorant, condoms, soap, milk, water, food, and even highlights of some my matches during my legendary career! That's right! And, before you know it, we'll go global! I will become the best wrestler, and the best businessman!
It's unbelievable. Don't worry, I am not going to forget about my career. I do realize that at Slam this week Danny Vice and myself have a job to do. I'm not going to put too much thought into this match because I want to try to have the mindset of my opponents. For some of the retards that watch my television station, allow me to spell it out for you. I'm saying that they have a small brain, and they lack the ability to be smart. Therefore, I have to act as if I'm stupid so I'm on their level of thought. I'm sure people like The Wal-Mart Liberation Front still don't understand what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, at least once a week I will be a one-hour show for the station. When I'm not on here live, you'll be seeing some free, yes, free highlights from some of my awesome matches. Just so you know, the matches are awesome because I make them awesome. I have to carry all of my opponents. And, you'll get to see some trailers for my upcoming biography that is all about my wrestling career!
So, until next time, I'm going to head down to Jake Hudson's newly renovated training facility and I'm going to work on my fitness. Danny Vice and I, Disorder by Design, are going to exit with the victory and we are going to regain our WCF Tag Team Championships because they are being less valuable with each passing day that Thunder and Skyler Striker have them in their possession.
Oh, and another thing, how the HELL could I be left off of the WCF Wrestler of the Year ballot? I went to WCF's website the other day and I wasn't on there. Unbelievable. I have one of the best records in this company, my win-loss ratio is almost three to one. I have held the World Title, TV Title, and Tag Team title. I have a message to everyone for the New Year. You better watch out, because 2007 is going to be Great. I am going to duplicate my perfection from 2006 and I am going to continue to dominate...for I am, "The Greatest" JJ Biggs!
"Voices" by Disturbed plays in the background as JJ Biggs stands up to his feet. He takes off his sunglasses and he stares deep into the camera as the show slowly fades to the credits, with "JJ Biggs" appearing for every one![/b]
JJ Biggs is sitting on a leather recliner in the center of en empty room. He's wearing a self-promotion shirt that reads, "Biggs TV" and he's wearing a pair of blue jeans. With a Rolex on his wrist and a pair of expensive sunglasses, he's looking the way a man of his caliber should.
'The Greatest' : I am the biggest thing since the invention of condoms. While we're on the topic, allow me to use a moment to promote the "Biggs" brand condoms. After all, this is my television channel. You thought the Trojan brand was strong? You thought they had some interesting and exotic flavors? Boy, were you wrong! You can use the same condom on different women, throughout the night, and it will never break! Believe me when I say that because I tested them myself. Yep, yep. Anyway! Everyone that tuned into my show tonight will have a box of "Biggs" brand condoms delivered to your home! Free of charge!
A small box falls from the ceiling and it lands on Biggs' lap. He picks the box up and he holds it out in the direction of the camera. The woman on the box is licking her lips and seems to be in a ready position. After careful examination it becomes obvious that the woman is David Alastair's mother! JJ smirks before throwing the box to the side.
'The Greatest' : You thought Muhammad Ali was great? Hell, nah! I could go back to when he was in his prime and I could kick his ass! And boxing isn't even what I do! That's how great I am. The pure definition, I'm not just great at one thing, I'm great at everything. I've won more gold in this company so quick that I'm the one that's on all of the promotional posters. Hell, when Torture was here, he wasn't even on the posters and he was the World Champion! You know how people say some people act like their shit doesn't stink?! Well, mine really doesn't stink! Oh, man, let me tell you what happened at the last WCF event. I was in the bathroom, right? And I was washing my hands, because, well, that's what you're supposed to do. Then, I heard a toilet flush, and the next thing I knew Craig D. Shultz came out of the stall, and he walked straight out of the bathroom! The dumbass didn't even bother to wash his hands! I mean, come on, that's just absolutely disgusting!
So, the bathroom smelled like shit, right? I mean, well, it's a bathroom. I thought it was from Craig's shit. Boy, was I wrong. I walked by him later and I caught that same smell! He must roll around in shit instead of putting deodorant on. Ah, now it's time for me to promote my deodorant.
Introducing, "Biggs" brand deodorant. We have many different scents, including my natural scent which drives the women wild! You'll never understand how long it took for us to create it! The Wal-Mart Liberation Front needs to purchase some of it so the hookers don't turn them down! Yes, you heard correctly. The hookers turn them down. They even offer to pay double, but still they can't get none.
Again, something falls from the ceiling and it lands in JJ Biggs' lap. He picks it up and he shows it to the camera. It's his "Natural Scent" deodorant. He holds it there for a moment before tossing it to the side.
'The Greatest' : My true fans will be proud to know that you cannot find my "Biggs" brand supplies in piece of shit stores like Wal-Mart or Target. No, sir, I wouldn't allow it because it's just degrading! What's even more degrading is when you shop at Good Will. My television crew filmed David Alastair and Craig D. Shultz while they were shopping for clothes at Good Will! Due to legal issues, I cannot show the tape. Anyway, on New Year's Day one thousand new stores will open across the country! "Biggs R' Us." You can find my deodorant, condoms, soap, milk, water, food, and even highlights of some my matches during my legendary career! That's right! And, before you know it, we'll go global! I will become the best wrestler, and the best businessman!
It's unbelievable. Don't worry, I am not going to forget about my career. I do realize that at Slam this week Danny Vice and myself have a job to do. I'm not going to put too much thought into this match because I want to try to have the mindset of my opponents. For some of the retards that watch my television station, allow me to spell it out for you. I'm saying that they have a small brain, and they lack the ability to be smart. Therefore, I have to act as if I'm stupid so I'm on their level of thought. I'm sure people like The Wal-Mart Liberation Front still don't understand what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, at least once a week I will be a one-hour show for the station. When I'm not on here live, you'll be seeing some free, yes, free highlights from some of my awesome matches. Just so you know, the matches are awesome because I make them awesome. I have to carry all of my opponents. And, you'll get to see some trailers for my upcoming biography that is all about my wrestling career!
So, until next time, I'm going to head down to Jake Hudson's newly renovated training facility and I'm going to work on my fitness. Danny Vice and I, Disorder by Design, are going to exit with the victory and we are going to regain our WCF Tag Team Championships because they are being less valuable with each passing day that Thunder and Skyler Striker have them in their possession.
Oh, and another thing, how the HELL could I be left off of the WCF Wrestler of the Year ballot? I went to WCF's website the other day and I wasn't on there. Unbelievable. I have one of the best records in this company, my win-loss ratio is almost three to one. I have held the World Title, TV Title, and Tag Team title. I have a message to everyone for the New Year. You better watch out, because 2007 is going to be Great. I am going to duplicate my perfection from 2006 and I am going to continue to dominate...for I am, "The Greatest" JJ Biggs!
"Voices" by Disturbed plays in the background as JJ Biggs stands up to his feet. He takes off his sunglasses and he stares deep into the camera as the show slowly fades to the credits, with "JJ Biggs" appearing for every one![/b]
