Post by Lawnmower Jones on Oct 27, 2006 15:03:28 GMT -5
LJ Voiceover: (Italian) I believe in WCF. WCF has made my fortune. I raised my status in WCF. I became popular, more free, but I knew to never dishonor my family, only my co-workers. I granted a title shot, no objections. It was against Creeping Death; I did not protest. A couple of weeks ago, I faced him in the ring. He took advantage of me in his own rules match. But I kept my honor, battling it out with him. But, he beat me. Beat me unfairly, like an animal. When I was in the hospital, I-a could not think straight. Why you ask? The-a damage was too much. But I could weep. And I did. Why did I weep? It was the light of my life, that beautiful belt. I went to the committee, like a good employer. They told me to wait, maybe in the future. In the future! He escaped nearly that very day. I stood in the room like a fool, knowing he was smiling inside. The bastard. Then I said to my wife, for justice, we must see Don Logan.
(The classical instrumental music of the popular film, "The Godfather" is heard. We cut to a back room, probably a living room or lounge room. The room is somewhat musky, with smoke from cigars lingering in the room. We see Lawnmower Jones and JJ Biggs both standing in Italian suits, golden crosses hanging from their necks, drenched in cheap perfume, on either side of a wood desk, JJ to the right, LJ to the left.)
(In the center back of the desk is a black leather chair, facing the large collection of videos behind it. We see some of the labels (Logan's Greatest: Volume 139). Jack of Blades is sitting across from the two men on a sofa, reading a magazine. He is dressed in an Italian suit as well. The front of the magazine proves to be People, with a question "Did Jen Get a Boob Job?")
(We hear talking on the phone as the music slowly fades, but never entirely leaves us. The voice is unmistakingly the Face of Treachery himself, Logan, faking an Italian accent.)
Logan: Yes, I understand…Well, I send my twelve cents a month, don't I?...Doesn't that mean he's mine?...So then give me a refund!...No, it does not say specifically anywhere on that contract thing that if I adopt a kid in Africa, I can't use him as a drug mule!...Well, he's twelve…I was yanking the chain at twelve!...You act like he's a problem child; the fact of the matter is everyone has seen their fair shared of German Dungeon Porn…Well you're no fun…Good day.
(We hear a click. Logan spins around in his chair, facing the audience. He has a black Italian Suit on, with the front three buttons opened, exposing fake chest hair and a gold cross necklace. His hair is greased back.)
Logan: Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
Logan: I try to be a good citizen, do you agree? And this is what happens! They say I abuse my privileges! I tell you, being world champion, its lavoro difficile! Vavavavio!
JOB: (British/Italian accent) Don't worry, Don Logan! We have our big match this week.
Logan: Ah yes, the match. The match that will decide the true outcome of the fate of the WCF. The match that will show which side is better. The match that shows who has the bigger cogliones!
LJ: (Italian Accent) Just for speculation, boss, how again did you get this match made?
Logan: They may say it was a wish from Creeping Death, but he didn't want it. No, I asked, after my loss to Torture, that this match be made, to prove we dominated. The staff disagreed.
LJ: Please, go on!
(Logan pauses for a moment, building up the moment.)
Logan: Well, I took JJ here to the headquarters and within the hour, they gave us the match.
JOB: How?
Logan: I made them an offer they couldn't refuse.
LJ: What offer was that?
(All the while, JJ stares on, smiling. Logan looks at him and grins.)
Logan: I locked one of those Johnny Pencilpushers into a room with JJ and I and said 'Either your signature or your blood will be on that contract.'
JJ: Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
Logan: Gentlemen, this week, we go into a war, something I've frowned upon since the beginning. We do what we need to win, but war is always a measure we try to avoid. Yet, it seems the New Dynasty has stepped onto our turf, the turf in which we created, and asked for a war. Well, we're going to give them a war, and unlike World War II, the Italians shall be successful. Vavavavio.
All: (In unison) Vavavavio.
Logan: Jack, Dake Ken has insulted you an intolerable amount of times, and this Sunday, you will extract your revenge once and for all. You are the future of the WCF, the future of the Treachery. Make him pay for what they've done, and prove to the world how you are the rightful WCF Hardcore champion! Vavavavio!
(JOB bows his head.)
JOB: Don Logan: The New Dynasty has been inconsiderate in following and respecting our family. I'll show him and the rest of the WCF what a true dynasty can really do! Vavavavio!
Logan: (To JJ) JJ, my enforcer, my knowledgeable double champion, former world, feared by all, respected by all, you will clean house against the rather dormant Nate Nytro. Show the WCF your versatile ability in the main event, as you have done against so many tag teams. Vavavavio.
JJ: You know it, Don Logan. This Sunday, in the Hellimination main event, I, JJ Biggs, will destroy that puny maggot punk Nate Nytro, and any other New Dynasty member who feels the need to exchange fisticuffs. Vavavavio.
(Logan slowly walks over to Lawnmower Jones, who straightens himself up.)
Logan: Jones, my trusted consigliore, Creeping Death stole your title at 13. Now, it is time for you to extract your revenge by breaking up his only family: The New Dynasty.
LJ: Don Logan, I must thank you for this opportunity to punish Creeping Death for the injustice he caused me, my family, and my other family, the Team of Treachery. This opportunity will not be lost, I will guarantee this, Don Logan.
(LJ bows his head. Suddenly, from the front of the room comes Jespert Reisart, JoB's trusty-sidekick?-Jespert is wearing a butler's outfit, like Alfred from Batman. He has on a black top hat, as well.)
JR: Well, it's all taken care of.
JOB: So you sent it?
JR: (Nodding proud) Yep.
(The scene cuts to a man in a room. It's normal, nothing weird. He is just waking up, rising from his bed. As he lifts the sheet, the man screams and we see an orange cat, somewhat resembling a tiger. The cat isn't mutilated.)
Man: He's getting fur all over my satin sheets!
(The scene cuts back to the T.o.T.)
JR: (Quizzical) You said Torment, right?
(All four man groan and bang their heads with their hands.)
JOB: Jespert, if you want to be made, you need to act right!
JR: (In pity) I-I-I'm sorry boss. I mean, I try my best every time, but it seems like I can never get it right. I'm useless.
Logan: You need to be motivated.
(Jespert raises his head slowly and pervertedly at this time.)
JR: (Slow, erotic voice) Oh my, what did you have in mind?
(Catchy porn music starts playing momentarily. The T.o.T just stands there, blank expressions.)
JOB: Jespert! That's no way to act!
JR: (Back to normal) Well what do you want me to do now?
(The Godfather instrumental is heard barely again.)
Logan: Jespert, mere mule for the Team of Treachery. Why don't you go to People magazine and start some rumors about the New Dynasty? Specifically ones that involve Tijuana, a donkey, a carrot, and a cheap hooker.
JR: (Shoots glare at JoB) Boss!
(JOB is taken back. He raises his hands, as if wiping himself clean of the dirt that normally ensues.)
Logan: Go, Jespert, time is wasting like the New Dynasty's final minutes!
(Jespert quickly runs off. Logan goes back to his desk, takes a seat, and reclines.)
LJ: Don Logan, don't doubt your ability stepping into the ring with Torture. His psychological ploy of parading around as champion isn't working, and your in ring abilities certainly overpower his.
Logan: Me? Doubt? Ha! That no good, Modesto's Most Wanted loser doesn't hold a candle to me. And when we step into the ring come Sunday, face to face, mono y mono, I will prove to the entire roster, to the doubters, the entire world that I, Logan, am the true WCF World Heavyweight Champion! Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
Logan: After I destroy that Kevin Federline imposter with the Connector, we, the Team of Treachery will be the kings of the WCF.
LJ: And how do we beat them?
Logan: I'll make them an offer they can't refuse.
(The T.o.T all listen in anticipation of what the offer is.)
Logan: Either they disband, or they get their brains bashed in all over the arena. Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
(The Godfather instrumental plays louder as the scene fades to black. One final message appears before the screen goes blank.)
Seth Lerch's "The Lawnfather"
(The classical instrumental music of the popular film, "The Godfather" is heard. We cut to a back room, probably a living room or lounge room. The room is somewhat musky, with smoke from cigars lingering in the room. We see Lawnmower Jones and JJ Biggs both standing in Italian suits, golden crosses hanging from their necks, drenched in cheap perfume, on either side of a wood desk, JJ to the right, LJ to the left.)
(In the center back of the desk is a black leather chair, facing the large collection of videos behind it. We see some of the labels (Logan's Greatest: Volume 139). Jack of Blades is sitting across from the two men on a sofa, reading a magazine. He is dressed in an Italian suit as well. The front of the magazine proves to be People, with a question "Did Jen Get a Boob Job?")
(We hear talking on the phone as the music slowly fades, but never entirely leaves us. The voice is unmistakingly the Face of Treachery himself, Logan, faking an Italian accent.)
Logan: Yes, I understand…Well, I send my twelve cents a month, don't I?...Doesn't that mean he's mine?...So then give me a refund!...No, it does not say specifically anywhere on that contract thing that if I adopt a kid in Africa, I can't use him as a drug mule!...Well, he's twelve…I was yanking the chain at twelve!...You act like he's a problem child; the fact of the matter is everyone has seen their fair shared of German Dungeon Porn…Well you're no fun…Good day.
(We hear a click. Logan spins around in his chair, facing the audience. He has a black Italian Suit on, with the front three buttons opened, exposing fake chest hair and a gold cross necklace. His hair is greased back.)
Logan: Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
Logan: I try to be a good citizen, do you agree? And this is what happens! They say I abuse my privileges! I tell you, being world champion, its lavoro difficile! Vavavavio!
JOB: (British/Italian accent) Don't worry, Don Logan! We have our big match this week.
Logan: Ah yes, the match. The match that will decide the true outcome of the fate of the WCF. The match that will show which side is better. The match that shows who has the bigger cogliones!
LJ: (Italian Accent) Just for speculation, boss, how again did you get this match made?
Logan: They may say it was a wish from Creeping Death, but he didn't want it. No, I asked, after my loss to Torture, that this match be made, to prove we dominated. The staff disagreed.
LJ: Please, go on!
(Logan pauses for a moment, building up the moment.)
Logan: Well, I took JJ here to the headquarters and within the hour, they gave us the match.
JOB: How?
Logan: I made them an offer they couldn't refuse.
LJ: What offer was that?
(All the while, JJ stares on, smiling. Logan looks at him and grins.)
Logan: I locked one of those Johnny Pencilpushers into a room with JJ and I and said 'Either your signature or your blood will be on that contract.'
JJ: Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
Logan: Gentlemen, this week, we go into a war, something I've frowned upon since the beginning. We do what we need to win, but war is always a measure we try to avoid. Yet, it seems the New Dynasty has stepped onto our turf, the turf in which we created, and asked for a war. Well, we're going to give them a war, and unlike World War II, the Italians shall be successful. Vavavavio.
All: (In unison) Vavavavio.
Logan: Jack, Dake Ken has insulted you an intolerable amount of times, and this Sunday, you will extract your revenge once and for all. You are the future of the WCF, the future of the Treachery. Make him pay for what they've done, and prove to the world how you are the rightful WCF Hardcore champion! Vavavavio!
(JOB bows his head.)
JOB: Don Logan: The New Dynasty has been inconsiderate in following and respecting our family. I'll show him and the rest of the WCF what a true dynasty can really do! Vavavavio!
Logan: (To JJ) JJ, my enforcer, my knowledgeable double champion, former world, feared by all, respected by all, you will clean house against the rather dormant Nate Nytro. Show the WCF your versatile ability in the main event, as you have done against so many tag teams. Vavavavio.
JJ: You know it, Don Logan. This Sunday, in the Hellimination main event, I, JJ Biggs, will destroy that puny maggot punk Nate Nytro, and any other New Dynasty member who feels the need to exchange fisticuffs. Vavavavio.
(Logan slowly walks over to Lawnmower Jones, who straightens himself up.)
Logan: Jones, my trusted consigliore, Creeping Death stole your title at 13. Now, it is time for you to extract your revenge by breaking up his only family: The New Dynasty.
LJ: Don Logan, I must thank you for this opportunity to punish Creeping Death for the injustice he caused me, my family, and my other family, the Team of Treachery. This opportunity will not be lost, I will guarantee this, Don Logan.
(LJ bows his head. Suddenly, from the front of the room comes Jespert Reisart, JoB's trusty-sidekick?-Jespert is wearing a butler's outfit, like Alfred from Batman. He has on a black top hat, as well.)
JR: Well, it's all taken care of.
JOB: So you sent it?
JR: (Nodding proud) Yep.
(The scene cuts to a man in a room. It's normal, nothing weird. He is just waking up, rising from his bed. As he lifts the sheet, the man screams and we see an orange cat, somewhat resembling a tiger. The cat isn't mutilated.)
Man: He's getting fur all over my satin sheets!
(The scene cuts back to the T.o.T.)
JR: (Quizzical) You said Torment, right?
(All four man groan and bang their heads with their hands.)
JOB: Jespert, if you want to be made, you need to act right!
JR: (In pity) I-I-I'm sorry boss. I mean, I try my best every time, but it seems like I can never get it right. I'm useless.
Logan: You need to be motivated.
(Jespert raises his head slowly and pervertedly at this time.)
JR: (Slow, erotic voice) Oh my, what did you have in mind?
(Catchy porn music starts playing momentarily. The T.o.T just stands there, blank expressions.)
JOB: Jespert! That's no way to act!
JR: (Back to normal) Well what do you want me to do now?
(The Godfather instrumental is heard barely again.)
Logan: Jespert, mere mule for the Team of Treachery. Why don't you go to People magazine and start some rumors about the New Dynasty? Specifically ones that involve Tijuana, a donkey, a carrot, and a cheap hooker.
JR: (Shoots glare at JoB) Boss!
(JOB is taken back. He raises his hands, as if wiping himself clean of the dirt that normally ensues.)
Logan: Go, Jespert, time is wasting like the New Dynasty's final minutes!
(Jespert quickly runs off. Logan goes back to his desk, takes a seat, and reclines.)
LJ: Don Logan, don't doubt your ability stepping into the ring with Torture. His psychological ploy of parading around as champion isn't working, and your in ring abilities certainly overpower his.
Logan: Me? Doubt? Ha! That no good, Modesto's Most Wanted loser doesn't hold a candle to me. And when we step into the ring come Sunday, face to face, mono y mono, I will prove to the entire roster, to the doubters, the entire world that I, Logan, am the true WCF World Heavyweight Champion! Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
Logan: After I destroy that Kevin Federline imposter with the Connector, we, the Team of Treachery will be the kings of the WCF.
LJ: And how do we beat them?
Logan: I'll make them an offer they can't refuse.
(The T.o.T all listen in anticipation of what the offer is.)
Logan: Either they disband, or they get their brains bashed in all over the arena. Vavavavio!
All: (In unison) Vavavavio!
(The Godfather instrumental plays louder as the scene fades to black. One final message appears before the screen goes blank.)
The New Dynasty
R.I.P
July 2006-October 2006
R.I.P
July 2006-October 2006
