Celeste
Rookie
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
Posts: 201
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Post by Celeste on May 3, 2015 16:58:33 GMT -5
Be brutally honest, how is my start so far? Any critique would be wonderful, also tips!
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Post by Joey Flash on May 3, 2015 17:07:53 GMT -5
Shit
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Post by occulo on May 3, 2015 17:20:09 GMT -5
Chris bullyin!!!
You've settled in like a fish to water. Really good RP'ing, I can see you being amongst the best in a few months. Keep it up!!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2015 17:22:49 GMT -5
Just finished reading it I liked the story and the stuff going on with the guys lol love the character! The only thing I would say you need to add is trash talking. Like the trials and all that were super interesting and I did like that a lot as I've never seen anything like that be done before... but I wanted Celeste to verbally trash me like say WHY you will beat me, HOW you will beat me... mention the whole attack you did on me last week. etc etc etc. Sooooooooo if you'd kept the rp the same and just added trash talking I'd say it'd be perfect. To steal from Odin... Scene description: 3 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 2 Flow: 3
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Post by Crow McMorris on May 3, 2015 17:37:02 GMT -5
"She was this monsters Frankenstein, and she knew just how to rebuild him. This work would not require lighting nor rods, his torment and rebirth began and ended in his mind. Celeste held the rope that would pull him back to the surface, to be born again stronger and fouler than the day he’d emerged from the filthy hole he’d crawled out of, but this time under her command."Really strong, narrative driven storytelling on display here. Loved it. Celeste comes across as a female version of Tom Ripley/Hannibal Leckor that simply drips evil from every sentence. One thing I would consider looking at is the shoot element of your style. It's an important percentage of a match winning promo, that I feel needs to come to the fore a little bit here to secure the wins the work deserves.
Great stuff!
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Celeste
Rookie
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
Posts: 201
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Post by Celeste on May 3, 2015 17:40:01 GMT -5
Thank you lovelys ! <3
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