Post by David Alastair on Dec 29, 2006 21:02:46 GMT -5
Okay, everything on this wacky night started on the trip up to a small Iowan town aptly named Fort Dodge. It is assumed that Creeping Death knows where that is. And now… on with this little trip to Chain Store Hell and back.
David is presently behind the wheel, while Craig is seated at shotgun. David fidgets this way and that while Craig looks half-way there and half-way not. David kind of notices this going on and pipes up.
David: So…yeah, you like my little rant on Danny Vice’s Vicelock earlier?
Craig shifts his eyes toward David and casts an unspecified look.
Craig: Dude, who cares if it would be better for the move to be called the Vicegrip.
David: But it’s a tool, pretty much how Vice is a tool. C’mon…
Craig rolls his eyes.
Craig: Whatever. Anywho, Ray’s b-day is today…you know, in case you forgot.
David: Oh, of course not! But who would have thought that Ray’s birthday is the day after Christmas. That’s like the worst day to have a birthday on.
Craig: Not really, extra gifts I would imagine.
David: Or even less gifts.
Craig: Meh, whatever.
They two continue babbling until they reach Ray’s house, where they come up to Ray’s door and knock away. The dogs go berserk as usually, as Sean answers the door. Known from the past adventure, Sean rubs his head and groans.
Sean: What’s going on, fellas?
David: Oh, nothing much. Is Ray around?
Sean: No, but he’ll be home in a few.
With that, Sean winces and walks off. Craig looks to David and sighs.
Craig: I sure hope he’ll be alright.
David: Yeah, no kidding.
Craig: But I feel kinda weird sitting around the house without Ray around and Sean being led to the ER.
David blinks and looks towards the door as Ray’s mom and Sean, who is obviously in pain, head out.
David: I’m sure we can find Ray walking home from the mall or something. Let’s go.
After a few minutes, the two members of the Wal-Mart Liberation Front pile into the car and head up on the way to the mall. David keeps complaining about traffic and the upcoming traffic light until he looks off towards a direction. Right then and there, David spots something…or someone familiar. Some certain person in an old Chicago Bulls jacket with sweatpants… and that some certain person was Ray.
Craig also sees Ray and braces as David stomps on the gas pedal, propelling the car around the corner. A moment or two later, they stop right in front of Ray. Craig rolls down the passenger window and yells out.
Craig: You need a ride, stranger?
Ray notices the car and hops in the backseat. David looks to Ray via rearview mirror.
David: You don’t mind that we go to the mall, now do you?
Ray: Not a problem, man.
And so, the three head to the mall, which contains nothing too special. Of course, it’s fucking Fort Dodge for crying out loud. Next up, they head to the local Target. In a nutshell, the three looked at a few compact discs and DVDs. Nothing that great…for the moment…
So, the crew visited their old enemy. Wal-Mart. Yes, they sold out. However, Craig received a gift card to the chain store giant from his parents. Crazy ass parents. Also, none of the employees seem to notice the wrestlers as they walked around the store, primarily due to the holiday season.
The setting brings us to the electronics area of the store. David is checking out prices for a pile of blank compact discs as Ray is found looking at computer games. This time, however, Craig is the center of attention. He scans the video games laid behind the glass for a specific video game. That video game, my friend, is known as “Bully”.
Inside Craig’s memory banks, an image of Ray can be seen.
Ray: Dude, Bully is the shit. I got chased around by some fat kid and made out with a couple of hot ass bitches!
Thinking of pixilated characters kissing brought Craig back into reality, creating a hybrid of a grimace and a wince, distorting his face a bit. Craig shrugged his shoulders and decided to find an associate.
Eventually, he finds one and speaks.
Craig: Sir…do you happen to have Bully in stock?
The associate blinks if he just heard of the theory of evolution for the first time in his existence.
Associate: Excuse me?
Craig: Do you guys have Bully?
Associate: What the heck is Bully?
Craig: A video game?
Associate: No clue.
Craig: I’m sure you have, at least, heard of it.
Associate: No sir.
Craig: Jesus Fucking Christ…
Craig then slumps his shoulders in defeat before narrowing his eyes. All of a sudden, Craig knocks over a few kiosks and some stands.
Associate: Sir?
David perks his ears after hearing the commotion…he ponders a bit and then walks over to Craig.
David: Dude, this is Wal-Mart, right?
Craig, already red in the face, pauses from his rampage and looks at David.
Craig: YES, IT FUCKING IS! I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE! MOUNTAIN DEW EXTREME! FUCK YOU ALL!
David nods in agreement.
David: I concur…WAL-MART LIBERATION TIME!
Ray looks up from looking a copy of World of Warcraft.
Ray: Huh? Eh…
Ray shrugs and then returns to reading the back of the box.
David and Craig begin to knock over more than your little DVD stands and what not. They break the video game glass window thing, threw multiple stereos halfway across the section of the store, and punching out the flat-screen televisions. All hell breaks loose.
A half hour passes. Looting occurs and associates are all over the store, desperately controlling the situation. On the way out of the store, we find David, Craig, and Ray making their way out. David has a pretty satisfied look on his face while Craig calmly walks along, still holding an irritated look on his face as Ray…well, Ray was just being Ray.
Craig: I’m hungry…
David: Uh…how about Wendy’s?
Craig: Okay.
Ray: I only three dollars.
Craig: Dude, value menu.
Ray: Oh yeah.
As the three finally step out, the scene then fades out.
David is presently behind the wheel, while Craig is seated at shotgun. David fidgets this way and that while Craig looks half-way there and half-way not. David kind of notices this going on and pipes up.
David: So…yeah, you like my little rant on Danny Vice’s Vicelock earlier?
Craig shifts his eyes toward David and casts an unspecified look.
Craig: Dude, who cares if it would be better for the move to be called the Vicegrip.
David: But it’s a tool, pretty much how Vice is a tool. C’mon…
Craig rolls his eyes.
Craig: Whatever. Anywho, Ray’s b-day is today…you know, in case you forgot.
David: Oh, of course not! But who would have thought that Ray’s birthday is the day after Christmas. That’s like the worst day to have a birthday on.
Craig: Not really, extra gifts I would imagine.
David: Or even less gifts.
Craig: Meh, whatever.
They two continue babbling until they reach Ray’s house, where they come up to Ray’s door and knock away. The dogs go berserk as usually, as Sean answers the door. Known from the past adventure, Sean rubs his head and groans.
Sean: What’s going on, fellas?
David: Oh, nothing much. Is Ray around?
Sean: No, but he’ll be home in a few.
With that, Sean winces and walks off. Craig looks to David and sighs.
Craig: I sure hope he’ll be alright.
David: Yeah, no kidding.
Craig: But I feel kinda weird sitting around the house without Ray around and Sean being led to the ER.
David blinks and looks towards the door as Ray’s mom and Sean, who is obviously in pain, head out.
David: I’m sure we can find Ray walking home from the mall or something. Let’s go.
After a few minutes, the two members of the Wal-Mart Liberation Front pile into the car and head up on the way to the mall. David keeps complaining about traffic and the upcoming traffic light until he looks off towards a direction. Right then and there, David spots something…or someone familiar. Some certain person in an old Chicago Bulls jacket with sweatpants… and that some certain person was Ray.
Craig also sees Ray and braces as David stomps on the gas pedal, propelling the car around the corner. A moment or two later, they stop right in front of Ray. Craig rolls down the passenger window and yells out.
Craig: You need a ride, stranger?
Ray notices the car and hops in the backseat. David looks to Ray via rearview mirror.
David: You don’t mind that we go to the mall, now do you?
Ray: Not a problem, man.
And so, the three head to the mall, which contains nothing too special. Of course, it’s fucking Fort Dodge for crying out loud. Next up, they head to the local Target. In a nutshell, the three looked at a few compact discs and DVDs. Nothing that great…for the moment…
So, the crew visited their old enemy. Wal-Mart. Yes, they sold out. However, Craig received a gift card to the chain store giant from his parents. Crazy ass parents. Also, none of the employees seem to notice the wrestlers as they walked around the store, primarily due to the holiday season.
The setting brings us to the electronics area of the store. David is checking out prices for a pile of blank compact discs as Ray is found looking at computer games. This time, however, Craig is the center of attention. He scans the video games laid behind the glass for a specific video game. That video game, my friend, is known as “Bully”.
Inside Craig’s memory banks, an image of Ray can be seen.
Ray: Dude, Bully is the shit. I got chased around by some fat kid and made out with a couple of hot ass bitches!
Thinking of pixilated characters kissing brought Craig back into reality, creating a hybrid of a grimace and a wince, distorting his face a bit. Craig shrugged his shoulders and decided to find an associate.
Eventually, he finds one and speaks.
Craig: Sir…do you happen to have Bully in stock?
The associate blinks if he just heard of the theory of evolution for the first time in his existence.
Associate: Excuse me?
Craig: Do you guys have Bully?
Associate: What the heck is Bully?
Craig: A video game?
Associate: No clue.
Craig: I’m sure you have, at least, heard of it.
Associate: No sir.
Craig: Jesus Fucking Christ…
Craig then slumps his shoulders in defeat before narrowing his eyes. All of a sudden, Craig knocks over a few kiosks and some stands.
Associate: Sir?
David perks his ears after hearing the commotion…he ponders a bit and then walks over to Craig.
David: Dude, this is Wal-Mart, right?
Craig, already red in the face, pauses from his rampage and looks at David.
Craig: YES, IT FUCKING IS! I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE! MOUNTAIN DEW EXTREME! FUCK YOU ALL!
David nods in agreement.
David: I concur…WAL-MART LIBERATION TIME!
Ray looks up from looking a copy of World of Warcraft.
Ray: Huh? Eh…
Ray shrugs and then returns to reading the back of the box.
David and Craig begin to knock over more than your little DVD stands and what not. They break the video game glass window thing, threw multiple stereos halfway across the section of the store, and punching out the flat-screen televisions. All hell breaks loose.
A half hour passes. Looting occurs and associates are all over the store, desperately controlling the situation. On the way out of the store, we find David, Craig, and Ray making their way out. David has a pretty satisfied look on his face while Craig calmly walks along, still holding an irritated look on his face as Ray…well, Ray was just being Ray.
Craig: I’m hungry…
David: Uh…how about Wendy’s?
Craig: Okay.
Ray: I only three dollars.
Craig: Dude, value menu.
Ray: Oh yeah.
As the three finally step out, the scene then fades out.
