So whatcha think so far?

[Deleted]

Now that I have a couple of roleplays under my belt just wanted to get people's thoughts on Danny Anderson so far. Things I need to improve on, the direction I need to take with him etc.

(It would be Godly if the All Father Odin Balfore would throw in his two cents...cough cough.)

Thanks all and here's the latest RP: wcfwrestling.proboards.com/thread/24198/originsp

[Howard Black]

The characterization is fine for what you're going for, in my opinion.  My comments are going to be more focused on the content of your promos:

*You ability to write a shoot is good.  Maybe too good in the sense that I feel it's holding back your ability as a storyteller to flush the character out.  So far, we have a lot of Danny explaining himself: Danny explains his philosophy, Danny explains his upbringing, Danny explains his match preferences, etc.  I'd like to see it.  I want a slice of life where we really get a sense of the shitty, poverty ridden part of the Bronx Danny was raised in.  What kind of friends does he have?  What do they do to unwind?  What's this guy like outside of the business?

*In a similar vein, you could flush out your descriptions and non-verbal characterizations more.  For instance, I've been smoking cigarettes since I was 13-years-old and don't believe you've ever smoked based on how you wrote about it.  A smoke ring, for instance, is a trick that takes a bit of concentration and finesse which is hard to pull off even if you're not in mid-monologue.  So what compelled him to blow one while he was addressing the camera?  Details like these, where we get into the head of the character and see what makes them tick, give us a deeper understanding of the character's psyche give us readers a deeper appreciation of the story.  I want to read the subtle changes to his face when he gazes on the dilapidated landscape of the Bronx.  I want to know Danny's reaction to Bates slamming a chair.  It's a tried cliche but actions speak louder than words.  Emotions speak more than actions.  When he grins, is it a sick, evil grin or a jovial one?  

*These details may seem inconsequential, but they separate great characters from "fine" characters.  Playing a non-gimmicked character can be the most difficult job for an e-fedder because it's very easy to fall into doing what every other e-fedder of a similar gimmick is doing.  You like hardcore matches?  So do 500 other characters.  You're a brawler?  Welcome to the club!  It's the psychology, character, and persona which separate us and make us special.  Let's take Dean Ambrose for a moment.  Dean stands out from other hardcore wrestlers like the Sandman because he is able to convincingly play up his "lunatic fringe" bit so convincingly.  It's not just about his mic skills; Ambrose has mannerism and quirks which make him seem clearly unstable.  It's him yelling "I love you" at Rollins while he kicks his ass with a look of emotional pain on his face.  Big Show will never be viewed as highly as Andre the Giant, despite having roughly the same athletic abilities, because Andre cultivated an atmosphere of menace while Big Show just comes across as an apathetic dick-head bully you want to see get punched in the jewels.  Even Stone Cold, who was never a terribly complex character, exuded this aura of aggression and toughness by the little things like how he climbed through the ropes or the subtle swagger in his step.  Detail brings these mannerisms to life in your character and creates a complete person.

You're a helluva shoot writer.  If you can tap into the same ability which allows you to weave monologues to add to your description to set scenes and add characterization, you'll go a long way.

[Joey Flash]

Danny is the strongest of your characters I've seen so far, you know what you're doing with this one and you're doing it very well. I'm too lazy to offer a writing critique, but all I'd like is a bit more depth and storyline but that'll come in time, you're on your way to a great character.

[Alex Richards]

I agree with Flash. I like Danny. Keep it up man.

[Deleted]

Thanks all for the comments and feedback. Howard I'll work on what you've said and try to implement it in my future RPs.

[Deleted]

Bump.

Updated storyline with list of roleplays at: wcfwrestling.proboards.com/thread/24083/danny-anderson

Holler at cha boy!