Just as an aside, I'm kinda lazy sometimes, so if you include a link in your opening post, I'm more likely to read it
. That's just personal preference though, feel free to never do that ha.
Anyway, I shall open with a warning, and that is that I haven't roleplayed within a wrestling context (giggity!) for close to ten years, but I have been writing other things, so my approach to analysing your piece may be closer to a literary analysis, than the quality that Odin is able to produce, but I hope that it may be of help anyway. After all, I give feedback to both aid others and to aid myself, so I hope that it succeeds in both of these categories.
- Cut words, might seem counter-intuitive due to the use of a 'word count' in terms of judging a roleplay, but it is vital that anything superfluous gets cut. If you have some wonderful decoration and you bring the page to life with words, then by all means continue to do yo thing homeslice, but any words that can be cut, should be cut. Obviously with a week deadline this, alongside editing and re-writing, can prove to be a difficult ask because of time constraints or what-have-you, but I think the best work is done when it has been streamlined and the narrative has been focused.
- 'Insanity blossoms'. I like it.
- Sometimes, some of the descriptions blend in to one another. So when you are describing how mad she looks, try and separate different points so that it is easier for us to digest each morsel as it comes. An example!
"Katherine sat forward as she smiled into the mans face. Katherine did look quite scary when she did this, she looked like she hadn’t had a shower in months."
For a start, I would have the two things separated, and I would also not just 'tell' us that she looks scary. Rather, show (obviously, in language) how the doctor is scared. Does his hand tremble, or his brow quiver? Maybe he smells of sweat and she likes the smell because she knows he is scared of her. All these things paint a brighter and more colourfully fleshed out piece of text, in my opinion. But yeah, it is difficult to digest when you have two separate points in one sentence; because her scariness isn't derived from her lack of a shower, it may be heightened by it, but these are both different points building up the overarching point that the way she looks is quite nerve-wracking to behold.
- Seems like you have a really good hold on the character, as she may be insane, but she searches for reasons, ways of defining herself, in order to create a framework around which she can explain her actions - it's the basis of a human character, and you seem to have a very good handle on how your character should be; confidence exudes from the writing when you get in to full flow and she just speaks her mind.
Katherine: Sure, let’s do all the things YOU want to do. Honestly, unbelievable.
(FAV LINE)
- Self-entitled attitudes take all forms, and Kathy's seems to take the form of being utterly insane, but being quite disgusted and having serious contempt for almost every single person she encounters. I sort of like that in a simplistic, batshine-insane kind of way, but it makes it difficult for me to draw an attachment to the character. 'Sadistically' I enjoy what she says, because she's cruel and tortured, and "hurt people...hurt people", but there seem to be no relatable qualities about her whatsoever, which makes it difficult for me to share sentiment with her. I would also be careful, as with the mentality Kathy has taken on, she tends to repeat herself quite a lot "I am the best" "What do you even do?" "Stop living!" which, whilst effective once or twice, begins to lose meaning after a while. A leit motif is quite acceptable, but be careful not to overuse them as the story is the entirety of your character, and each RP is merely a glimpse into their world.
- Finally, I don't totally understand Ducky Flash, and I'm not sure I want to understand that guy, he's kinda fucked up. But, I sense that may be simply because there is a lot of backstory that I haven't read and that I can't get a full grasp of his intentions and values when I have only seen this snippet. That being said, he seems like the side of Kathy that IS able to do whatever he wants, and gets his own way without any consequences because he doesn't exist. He can swear all he likes because how could Kathy stop him? He makes threats, bold claims, and none of them can really be refuted because his existence is temporal, based purely on the inner-etchings of Kathy's mind. I feel like he must be an extension of another person, Joey Flash perhaps (although, again, not read enough), but I wouldn't be able to pin down why that was the case.
I liked it, although I would probably like to read your next RP (and maybe an earlier one) to ground myself in your story in order to fully understand it. Like I said before, cut and cut and edit and make everything flow succinctly. Make sure what you're saying is clear and try to manage the points your character is making. Oh and finally, avoid repetition, and cut out things that already say the thing you are trying to say in the first place, if that makes sense. Hope this was of some help
.
but seriously... free cookies to whoever gives the feedbacks on the newest rp 
FREE COOKIES!!!
.