Post by Jeff Purse on Mar 13, 2015 14:15:18 GMT -5
“A child can learn what is right as easy as what is wrong and whatever impressions are made on the mind when it is plastic will remain there.”
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March 12th, 2015 (One Day Before XIII)
We open to a shot at a bookstore, in the children's section. It would seem the employees of this specific Barnes and Nobles, or, for copyright purposes, 'random bookstore', have been setting up for a special guest to read books to children. If you thought that, you would be correct. There is about 20 kids sitting around a chair. Their parents stand around the semi circle that the kids make around the chair, making a semicircle around the kids. An employee of 'random bookstore' steps into the middle of the semi-circles.
Employee Robert: Um, I'm sorry for the delay. I know we were supposed to start ten minutes ago...or guest 'reader' isn't quite ready yet. But we promise to get things going as soon as he is, which shouldn't be much longer at all. Thank you for your patience.
Robert disappears behind a curtain to a groan of parents who didn't want to be at the bookstore in the first place. The camera follows Robert behind the curtain, taking a sharp right in a back hallway, and through a door, where there seems to be some muffling voices arguing. The camera goes into the room where Jeff Purse sits, arguing with Kari, as Robert waits nervously close to the door.
Jeff: Kari, look, I can't go out there yet. There is seven apricots, there is 9 banana's, there are 56 M&M's, its like...this is maddness.
Kari: Jeff I don't care how many of anything is in this room. I don't even know why they gave you any food, I told them not to.
Robert: Uh, well we thought th-
Kari: Not right now Robert.
Jeff: Be nice to Robert.
Kari: I would love to be nice to Robert. But you won't get over the number of FOOD in this DAMN ROOM!!
Jeff: Wow. How many times are you going to raise your voice to me?
Kari: Jeff I swear to God-
Jeff: Eh, don't say that word.
Kari: God? I can't say God, Jeff? GOD, GOD, GOD!
Jeff cringes everytime the words comes out of Kari's mouth.
Robert: Are you an atheist?
Jeff: What?
Robert: I mean, you cringe when she says God, and when I just said it. Are you an atheist. Beca-
Kari: No, Robert, he isn't an athiest. He was brainwashed by a religious puppet who tried to make Jeff his crusader against all that wasn't 'holy'. So unfortunetly God makes Jeff uncomfortable because all he heard about was GOD!
Jeff begins rocking back and forth. He reaches out and touches a light bulb on a lamp and counts how many times the tip of his finger comes in contact with the hot bulb.
Jeff: One...two...three...four...five
Kari: Thanks Robert, now he is even worse. Go tell those people it will be a little while still, and don't come back in.
Kari pushes Robert and the cameraman out of the room.
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July 29th, 2014 (The day after Jeff was dragged away from his home.)
Jeff sits in the middle of a room that looks very, very similar to an interrogation room. There is a steel table, which Jeff sits at in a steel chair. There is a cup of water sitting in front of him, which is untouched. Jeff couldn't drink it if he wanted to, though, because he is restrained with a straight jacket. Its pretty dark in the room, one lamp hanging over Jeff's head which swings back and forth very slowly and ominously, casting a half shadow to full shadow on Jeff's face.
The door opens, light spilling in dramatically, and two figures, complete shadows, come in. One large, one pretty small. The door shuts and we see the two who entered the room were Abbadon and Father Terry Andrews. Abbadon stands in front of the door with his arms crossed over his chest. Terry Andrews, the puppet, stalks behind Jeff.
Father Terry Andrews: Do you know why you are here, Mr. Purse?
Jeff stares straight forward.
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse...do you fully realise how powerful a thing someone's mind is? Do you fully understand just exactly what your mind is capable of, Mr. Purse?
Jeff: Where is Kari?
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse your mind is so great, so powerful that when you have a pesky, annoying little itch on your nose, without even realising what is happening, your mind tells your arm to pick up your hand and get rid of that pesky little annoyance. And you are none the wiser, Mr. Purse. Your mind does million of things every day, Mr. Purse, without you even realising. The compression of your lungs so you can breath, blinking, organ systems, everything, Mr. Purse, everything is because of your mind. And with your mind being so powerful, Mr. Purse, who is to say that you have issues? You are diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Mr. Purse, but why? Because your mind tells you things that are normal that are not exactly acceptable to social norms? Because when someone sees you licking every doorknob in your elementary school that you are strange? Because counting every, little thing in your life is excessive and not normal? Who defines what normal is Mr. Purse? Now I ask you again Mr. Purse, DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE!?
Jeff: Where is KARI?!
Father Terry Andrews comes around the desk and sits at the chair across from Jeff.
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse that is why you are here, because of her. She is afraid of your mind Mr. Purse. Your doctore, Dr. Armstrong is afraid of your mind Mr. Purse your own mother is afraid of your mind Mr. Purse!
Jeff:...where is Kari?
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse...Jeffery...why are you here?
Jeff looks up at Father Terry Andrews...
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March 12th, 2015 (One day before XIII)
The crowd is starting to grow restless. Its been an hour and half since Jeff was supposed to start reading. There is only 10 of the 20 kids left, and even less parents. Most of them have retired to the Starbucks located at the center of the Barnes and Nobles...er...I mean "random coffee shop" in the middle of the "random bookstore". Anyway, Robert comes out from behind the curtain.
Robert: Ladies and gentleman, thank you, to those of you who have stuck around, we are just about to get ready for our special guest, WCF's Jeff Purse, to read to your children. There are, however, a couple of rules before he comes out here. Number one: Absolutely NO touching Jeff. Especially if you haven't washed your hands. Number two: Do not sneeze or cough in Jeff's general direction. Number three: Do not mention the name 'God'. Number four: if you have a hat or clothes on that are rumpled or not straight, please fix them now. And finally number five: If you have any questions for Jeff, he is going to do a quick Q and A before he begins reading. So...without further adieu, JEFF PURSE!!
Eminem's "Survival" plays throughout the bookstore, random shoppers and readers cringe, as it is blaring WAY too loud. Jeff jumps out of the curtain to the applause of the children there. He looks down at them. Ten. Ten of them. He was assuming there would be hundreds, but there was only ten. He pretty much lost most of his umph at this moment and just sat down. The music slowly, uncomfortably slowly, fades out. After one full minute of music fading, Every hand goes up. Jeff points to the kid sitting furthest left.
Kid 1 Todd: Um, I am a big fan of yours. When are you coming back for good?
Jeff: Well, I don't know yet. I still have a lot of work to do before I can come back full time, but hopefully I can return to the ring and be competing within the year.
Kid 2 Jenny: Jeff you are really hot.
Jeff: Is that a question?
Jenny: No. I just wanted you to know. My mommy says that I shouldn't say anything because I am 7 and you are 27, but I wanted you to know so that it could help you feel better.
Jeff: Well, thank you, I am very flattered.
Kid 3 Randy: Jeff, you SUCK!
Randy gets up and throws a water balloon at Jeff. It hits dead on. He runs out of the bookstore as Jeff begins screaming as though he just broke his leg. He falls to the ground, limp. Kari rolls her eyes and grabs a towel.
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December 28th, 2014 (Jeff loses to Eric Price at One.)
Jeff is laying in his locker room after getting beat by Eric Price. The match made him think about a lot of things. Why did he have such a feud with Eric? It all seemed so trivial and lost in time. He was glad to have this moment alone, telling Father Terry and Abaddon he wanted to do this alone. He was lost in his thoughts. He didn't give the fight all he could, because he still didn't understand. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what it was that made him dislike Eric so much. He reached in his bag and pulled out his cellphone. He had a missed call. He thought that was a little strange, ever since Father Terry gave him that phone, he hadn't had one call on it. Still, there was a voice mail...so he clicked the button that played voice mails.
Voice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
The voice mail cut out. A puppet? Who was that? Jeff clicked it again.
Voice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
Again.
Voice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
Again
Karice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
He recognized the voice. He listened to it one last time.
Kari: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
Just then rushes of memory started pouring into his brain. Him and Kari dragged out of their home during Ultimate Showdown. Jeff being convinced that Kari was the reason he went in the mental institue. He stands up quickly, but the rush of memory and the realization of what has been happening to him gets to him too quick. He see's black, and Jeff falls to the ground.
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March 12th, 2015 (The day before XIII)
Jeff sits in the chair, with a yellow rubber rain coat on and hat to boot. The deal he made with Kari was tha the would have to be protected from that happening again and he would finish the appearance. He pulled a book out of a bag sitting next to him and showed it to the audience.
Once upon there were three WCF superstars who though thier shit didn'-
Robert: Jeff, um...we prefer if you didn't use that word...there are children..
Jeff: Oh, right, sorry.
who thought their poop didn't smell. The first WCF superstar as a young, cocky, baby of a man named Joey Flash. Joey Flash used his looks and his lack luster talents to get by, making a formidable run as a Television Champion, because that is a belt meant for people who have nothing going for them and need a little push. Indeed the title was meant for one of two people. Someone who needed help making a name for themselves, and new comers who come through and destroy all the little competition put in front of them. Either way, Joey Flash was almost all talk.
The second WCF Superstar was hardly a Superstar at all. He was, however, the creator of WCF. Its unfortunate that without this guy, the WCF would never exist. With the creativity of a panda during mating season, Seth Lerch is brave as he is stupid. He had recently gotten himself throwing into a match that he could never actually prepare for. Because he was a little bitch...er...sorry I mean he was a scardy cat. In order to fight his scared little self has to drink a magical elixir that gives him courage to do most anything. That magical elixir was called 'Bacardi' and it gave Seth Lerch powers. Like the power to get his butt whipped and not realize he is getting his butt whipped. He liked it that way.
The third WCF superstar, and perhaps the most formidable of the three, was an omnipotent being named Odin Balfore. Odin, in his prime, was one of those guys who could run through a ring like a crazed, destructive, mad man. Once, a powerful force to be taken seriously. Now? A senile dude who looks like Santa Clause after a long night of binge drinking.
Robert: Jeff, please.
Jeff: What? I didn't swear.
Robert: I know, but, you know...
He looks around and then whispers.
Robert: Binge drinking.
Jeff: Well, Robert, I don't know how else to describe Odin. He looks like a binge drinking Santa Clause.
Parent 1 Randal: Maybe its not a good idea to compare Santa Clause to a binge drinker in front of children?
Jeff: Oh, I am sorry, I didn't realise I asked random guy with obvious toupee to chime in on this situation.
Randal: Excuse me?
Randal's Daughter Hannah: Daddy what is binge drinking?
Randal: Nothing.
Hannah: Then how do I know how to accurately picture Odin?
Jeff: Hey kid, you have a member in your family that always smells, never seems to have any money, is extremely violent for seemingly no reason? A scraggly mess?
Hannah: YEAH! My uncle Lester!
Jeff: Well, ok, just picture Lester as Odin. And I would like for the PEANUT GALLERY to be quiet for the rest of the story. Ok, so, lets see...where was I?
Todd: A binge drinking Santa!
Jeff: Ah, yes, thanks kid.
The three WCF superstars were nothing alone. Odin, an old loser, Joey Flash, a new loser, and Seth Lerch, the worst boss in the history of the world. Together, they posed the threat of one decent wrestler. So in all of his brilliance, one day, young popcorn aficionado, Jayson Price, thought it would be funny to throw these three superstars in the ring with three warriors. The word warrior didn't do these three brave souls justice. First, there was the Viking, the Burning Hammer giving, ultimate destroying Corey Black. A man who had more accomplishments and talent in his pinky toe than all three Superstars had in their whole body's/careers. The second was a scary mother fu- I mean a creepy man who came to the WCF and tore up. One of the most talented new comers to the business, a man who has proven himself in match after match, and a man who will be single handed ending Odin Balfore's career very soon, Scarecrow. Finally, there was the most handsome, brave, valiant, tough, distinguished, funny, amazing, strong, fast, talented, athletic, spry, quick, awesome-
Kari: Jeff, wrap up your description.
....sexy, hot, stunning, wrestling icon Jeff Purse. Of course, nobody thought the match was a fair match by any means, but it was booked, and the fans wanted it. So the three original superstars took to training to try to get ready for the match.
"Gee willikers" Joey Flash said while trying to help Seth Lerch stretch his quad, but really was coping a feel, "I don't understand why I have to do this Seth? I mean I thought we had a deal where I don't fight anyone with any real talent?"
"Bum slurp with cheese and a soda on the head." Seth slurred, have awake have blacked out.
"What?" Joey Flash pondered.
A strong wind came upon the air as Odin stepped into the room. He was standing with confidence and looked like a deflated Odin Balfore balloon.
"Odin, thank Thor you are here!" Joey Flash was glad that it wasn't just the pin up he had in his room, but Odin Balfore in the excess flesh. "Can you interpret what Seth is trying to tell me?"
Odin leaned in, the smell of Bengay filling the nostrils of those around him. I mean, it smelled like the dude took a bath in the stuff. He put his face very close to Joey Flash's, Joey Flash only getting excited that his dream of 'Odin is love, Odin is life' might be coming true.
"What?" Odin shouted out, spittle hitting Joey Flash in the face. Joey slumped at the fact that his dream didn't come true.
"I said can you tell me what Seth is saying?"
"You wanna know when the chicken is laying?"
"No, what is Seth saying?"
"You wanna know what Maestro is singing?"
"What? No, how does th-"
"In my day, we had to walk fifteen miles, in the snow, up hill both ways, with no shoes, and no socks, with no fancy GPS, and no cell phones to call someone in case we got lost or got in trouble."
"Slip into my dressing room and eat the platter of cheese and crackers. Just not the Townhouse Crackers, those are the fancy ones, and I like to live through wars with crackers in my hand." Seth had just taken a fresh swig of his special elixir. Joey Flash, frustrated that his partners were basically useless, sighed and began to just drop the pretext of stretching and just cupped Seth's balls. Now Se-
Randal: Whoa, whoa, what?
Parent 2 Nancy: Yeah, that is a little far.
Jeff: What, Seth had two tennis balls with him. Did I forget to read that part?
Nancy: Oh, well, yes you did.
Jeff: Sorry.
Jeff leans real close to the children and whispers...
Jeff: He didn't have tennis balls.
The moment had finally come where the three biggest jokes in the history of WCF would have to fight the three valiant knights, who people were say were Pantheon, even though technically one of them was no longer a member of Pantheon, but an honorary member because hell, he helped forge the legend that is Pantheon. He helped people respect the name Pantheon. Anyway, it was the team of Awesome vs the team of Eh. And do you know what happened, kids? The team of Awesome complete destroyed the team of Eh. I mean, it wasn't even close. The team of Awesome easily destroyed the team of Eh to become the super awesome winners that they always were and the team of Eh stayed in the place of being super shitty losers.
Kari: JEFF!
The morale of this story, children. Don't put your faith in false idols like Odin, or Flash, or Seth. Hell, don't worship us either. Just know, be sure, that tomorrow at XIII, Corey Black, Scarecrow, and yes, Jeff Purse, are going to emerge victorious, and stand atop those who try to defeat us. Because we aren't just pushovers, we will fight, and we will win. Never give up kids, never surrender, and always, ALWAYS, give it one hundred and ten percent. THE END!
The children all applaud feverishly, the parents begrudgingly clap their hands. Jeff stands and throws his hands in the air, basking in the admiration of ten ten year olds.
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February 18th, 2015 (Jeff finally breaks free.)
It had felt like he had been asleep for months now, maybe even years. Jeff opened his eyes, only to find a bright light shining in them. He squinted. How long was he sleeping? He couldn't move any part of his body. Trying to glance down, though, he realized it was less because his appendages were numb, more so that they were strapped him, securing him on a cold, metal table. Abaddon stands in the corner, Father Terry Andrews paces around the table.
Father Terry Andrews: Jeffery do you know what the true definition of insanity is? Not the one that Albert Einstein came up with, but the real definition of insanity. There are two definitions that I found to be the norm. The first one is 'the state of being seriously mentally ill; madness' and the second being 'extreme foolishness or irrationality'. Jeffery do you feel like you have displayed either of these possible definitions for insanity in your lifetime?
Jeff: What is going on? How long have I been asleep? WHERE IS KARI?!?
Father Terry Andrews: I saw that she called you. I knew we would have problems when I saw that she left you a voice mail. Abaddon and I found you laying in your dressing room, unconcious, barely breathing. We put you in a medically induced coma, or rather Dr. Stella Montgomery put you in a medically induced coma. Jeffery I want to talk to you about your mental health though. It is getting worse and worse as you go on. Your brain is becoming weaker and weaker with every passing day. You see Jeffery, the OCD that you have is not the only form of insanity that you portray. For example, you have in the past suffered from severe depression, schizophrenia, and bi-polar disease.
Jeff: I don't have any of those things.
Father Terry Andrews: Jeffery your father left you and you fell into a depression so bad I had never seen a child with so many issues. You resorted to using fire as an escape. You burned down entire buildings and you got away with it because nobody expected a five year old to be capable of such a deed. You set your middle school on fire because you didn't like something the coach said to you. You blew up your fathers house because you hated him before he died and you didn't know how to deal with the grief of losing a father who was never there. You have seen spectors of your friends who are not really there and finally you believe that a PUPPET is talking to you, controlling your every move. You have no questions behind my existance you have just accepted it from the start. None of this is bothersome to you Jeffery?
Jeff: I guess I never really...
A cold chill fills the air. The light dims dramatically. Father Terry Andrews drops to the floor, revealing what everyone knew all along, that he was nothing but a mere puppet. He had no power over Jeff anymore. Jeff was free. Yet, he still felt a strange foreboding. He wasn't alone in the room. And the presence that was there felt colder and more evil than any other force Jeff had ever encountered.
Abaddon began slowly walking toward where Father Terry Andrews now lay on the ground. It was at that moment that Jeff realized he had never seen Abaddon without a hood. His face was always cast in a dark shadow, most of the time you could only really see his jaw. Abaddon stopped short of standing directing on the now lifeless puppet and slowly removed his hood. Jeff let out a gasp. Abaddon's eyes are entirely white, there doesn't seem to be any pupil. He begins to talk in a high, hissing voice, though at the same time it was very deep and dark.
Adaddon: What is it, Jeff, that makes the words Evil and Good have any meaning? They are both just simple four letter words that have little significance. But once you apply them to something they have a tremendous effect on what you are putting them on. But what makes something Evil, Jeff? What makes something Good? Is it action? I suppose it is considered evil to kidnap a man and his fiance and brainwash the man into doinig what I want. It was evil I suppose, in theory to do that.
But what about intent, Jeff? Does that play a role in what is Evil and Good? Because the intent behind this was to change the world. To make it a better place. To take violence, debauchery, immoral television of the air. To help people to see the light of what is good. Does the intent of trying to improve this worthless planet make my actions ultimetly good? Or is this one of those gray areas that nobody can ever really decide on?
There is a click at the door. Abaddon smiles at Jeff as the door swings open. Kari comes running in the room with a key in her hand. She doesn't stop to say hi, she quickly unlocks the padlocks that were holding Jeff securly to the table. Jeff instinctivly turns to protect Kari from Abaddon, but Abaddon is gone. He is nowhere to be found. Trying to get off the table, though, Jeff falls to the ground. Kari brings in a wheelchair that she brought with her in the hall.
Kari: Here, Jeff, you have been in a coma for like...a month or so. You can't walk.
Jeff: Where were you?
Kari: I will tell you all about it later. lets just get out of here, ok?
Jeff: Ok.
Surprised by her strength, Kari picked Jeff up and sat him in the wheelchair, both of them escaping into the light.
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March 12th, 2015 (The day before XIII)
Jeff is in the room we saw him in earlier. He sits on a desk, is feet on the chair that someone would normally use to sit in the chair. He is relfecting on everything that has happened to him in the past year. Its been, well, to say the least, insane. Kari walks into the room and begins to gather up all of their items. Jeff had already meticulously organized everything by color and size, and made it all rather easy to transport. Kari walked up to him and rubbed his arm.
Kari: I will be waiting in the car, ok?
Jeff: Ok.
Kari: I love you.
Jeff: Me too.
She kisses him on the cheek and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. At this point, it is only Jeff and the camera, no camera man. The camera is on a tripod. He takes his hat off and runs his hand through his hair, replacing his hat backwards when he is done. He lets out a long breath.
Jeff: Its been a while since I have been in the ring. A long while. Hell the last time I was in that ring I got my ass handed to me by Eric Price. People called me crazy when they heard I signed up for thirteen. They said I wasn't ready. Thats what my doctor said. Yeah, I have to through physical therapy again because of you know, being in a coma for a month and a half and not using my legs or my arms. They want to make sure I have full use back before just...sending me out there. I suppose.
I have been through it. My career has been all over the fucking place, man. First I was this BMX guy who was a risk taker. Then I was an original member of Pantheon, causing problems for everyone and being adored by the fans. Then I was the World Heavyweight Champion and carried Pantheon on my shoulders. Then I got hurt. Then I came back...and I got hurt. I came back and got hurt. I came back brainwashed by a mother fucking puppet and now I am back. I am the epitome of cliche in wrestling. Its true. But you know what? I don't give a fuck.
Nobody thinks I 'have it' anymore. Nobody thinks I can hang with the big boys anymore. That I am come and go as I please. That I can't throw down with the best of them. Most people here weren't even around when I was the top guy here. Thats right, Flash, I was the TOP guy around here. I know, hard to believe I am sure. People forget all that I did.
Jeff looks down and notices pens in a pen cup sitting on the desk he is sitting on. He picks up the container and begins organizing the pens first by brand, then by color, then by size. He talks as he does this.
Jeff: Nobody remembers that those Tag Team Titles were brought back by me and NightRider. Thats right, Seth you should remember, Odin too, the Tag Team Titles were made relevant again by me. Joey Flash have you ever been the reason people cared about a title? No. Oh sure, you had an impressive run with the TV title, but Johnny Fly made that title mean something way before you got here.
And then what happened? I lost. I lost those titles and Johnny Fly and Polar Phantasm asked me to join their group, Pantheon. I just happened to have won the US title the same night we officially formed. Joey Flash, Seth, Odin, you forget that I was a GREAT U.S. Champion. I defended that title against everyone who tried to beat me. I was never, NEVER pinned to lose that title. I lost it at Ultimate Showdown, when someone got pinned BEFORE me to take over that title. giving me the TV title. And you know what I did Flash, I lost it two weeks later.
A low spot for me? Sure. But that didn't mean shit when I won War and won the WCF Championship because Johnny Fly was incarcerated. Let me ask you something Flash, have you ever, EVER beat the ENTIRE roster of a federation to come out the Champion? Have you? In fact, a fact, I am the ONLY person in this entire match to have won War. Corey Black hasn't won it, Odin hasn't won it, Seth Lerch certainly hasn't won it.
And in the time between me winning War and then me ultimately losing the title to Eric Price at One, I carried Pantheon on my shoulders. Everyone talks about how I was such a minuscule part of Pantheon, how I was the one they felt bad for. No, I am the reason Pantheon survived that time period. I am the reason there is a Pantheon here today. I could have let that fucking group die right there and then but I didn't. I kept it going. I kept it strong. It was basically me and Corey Black, and Corey Black was here on a part time basis. I fucking kept that group top fucking notch competition. The people who were gunning to destroy Pantheon, and believe me there were a lot, there was two different stables at the time dedicated to destroying Pantheon, were basically trying to destroy me. Because I was fucking IT.
Did the pressure build up? Sure. Did the fact that being the WCF Champion get to my head? Yes. It did. I didn't handle it well. I will be the first to admit that losing that belt sent me on a downward spiral that I couldn't pull myself out of for a long time. Because of this momentary spiral, though, people forget about what I did for that group. They refer to me as the bitch of Pantheon. They forget that I was one of the FINAL FOUR in the last War match. They forget that in both Ultimate Showdown matches I have been in I was in the final three. These are the hardest fought matches in our company, and I excel at them.
But I get the short straw. My accomplishments are nothing compared to Odin Balfore. Or Joey Flash. Or even fucking Seth Lerch? FUCK THAT. My accomplishments here speak for themselves. I am better than each and every one of those twats. But they want to think I am the fucking bitch of Pantheon. Ok, that's fair. Then I have one question for each of them?
How does it feel knowing you are going to get bitch slapped by the bitch of Pantheon? Joey Flash, how does it feel to know that a guy who you think is no big deal is going to fucking kick you so hard in the face your fucking jaw becomes disconnected? Odin, how does it feel to know that a guy that you never, not once took seriously is going to break your fucking arm when I lock in my Arm Bar? Seth, someone who you think is a flake, how is it going to feel when this flake FUCKS you up so bad, not even alcohol is going to sooth your pain?
Jeff has finished sorting the pens. He puts the canister down. He has added his own self made dividers that he made out of paper to keep the pens from getting mixed up again. He then begins on the overflowing tin of paper clips. He separates by size, then by color. The little paper clips he throws right in the trash, because seriously, little paper clips? Who gives a fuck?
Jeff: Seth Lerch. You are going to wrestle? What made you think "Hmmm...Jayson Price, a guy I hate, is booking a wrestling show. I should sign up."? Did you think that he was going to go easy on you? I mean, seriously Seth, how fucking stupid can you be? I think this tops it. This is stupider than you selling the company that you worked so hard to form to Jonny Fly. Seriously Seth, what the fuck were you thinking?
Do you even have any skill whatsoever? Can you do anything besides get drunk and swing bottles at people's heads? I have no idea what the fuck you were thinking. I really don't. I even feel bad. I feel bad for your slutty sister. Yes, I have spent enough time with her while she was fucking Jonny Fly to know that she is a slut. A big one. She would always try to rub my leg when I would sit at that table. But none the less, I feel sorry for her, its got to be a terrible, terrible thing to lose a brother in such a horrific way.
I feel bad for you parents, the crack-addicted Lerch's who have no idea whats going on most of the day because they are too busy hitting that crack pipe then throwing up all over their own house, then repeating once that high wears off. Because even a crack high and overdose is better than having to be the parents of Seth Lerch. I do feel bad for them though, because although they are ashamed of you Seth, its too bad to learn that they are going to lose their son in a way not even they thought imaginable.
Seth I have two goals for this match, that is, two goals as far as you are concerned. First, I am going to make you wish you respected me. Because for every piece of disrespect I ever got from you, I am going to make you hurt even more. Every bit of disrespect you ever threw my way, any jab at me, any ill thoughts, anything at all, its all coming back to you in the form of pain. Physical pain. Second, I am going to make you regret ever stepping into the ring with me. I am going to make you pay for deciding its a good idea to come into this ring, look me in the eyes, and expect that I am going to be an easy target.
I think its funny that there was a man that would rather look like a little bitch and pull a Terry RobertSYNN and pull himself out of this match than be partners with you. Oh god that had to make you feel like a giant sack of shit. Occulo, an up and coming star, decided he wasn't going to do this match because he was on YOUR team. Seth, I almost feel bad for you. I almost want to hug you. Did you cry? I bet you cried.
I bet you cry every night. I bet you start drinking that Bacardi 151, which, by the way, is a girls rum, but you probably start drinking and don't stop till the bottles gone, right? Even though every night you risk alcohol poisoning, you do it. Why? Because you are some 'champion drinker'? No. Because you go out and party all the time with your many friends? No. Its because you have such crippling depression that you sit at home alone and chug whole bottles of pussy rum. Because down to it Seth, you alienate everyone that has ever cared about you. You decide that being alone is better, until you are sitting there on your bed, crying because again you are alone, and you take a long draw from that bottle, and it makes you feel not so lonely. At least you have a friend in that bottle.
You aren't a threat Seth. You are never a threat. You know why? Because no matter what, I know that when I come home, I am coming home to the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth, not some random bitch I way underpaid to fuck me. No, I have people in my live who love and care about me. So thats why I am not afraid of you in the least bit Seth. You have nothing. You will always have nothing. No matter what happens tomorrow at thirteen, in life, I am always winning. I come out on top every time. You come out on the bottom. You have nothing to live for. And that Seth, that may be the saddest, most pitiful think I have ever heard in my life.
Jeff puts down the tin of once overflowing paper clips, it is now halfway full. He sits at the desk now and pulls out the top drawer. It is incredibly messy. he puts it on the top and begins sorting through the desk, organizing it and making it nice and clean.
Jeff: Joey Flash. You have been on a tear, right? 13 wins, and a magnificent Television Title run. That is quite an accomplishment. Some people have even called you the next Jonny Fly. You know what I say to those people, Flash? I say, fuck you. Nobody is the next Jonny Fly. If Fly wanted, he would come back and bitch slap you back from the ghetto you came from Flash. Organized crime, he did it better. Wrestling skill? He did it better. Mic skill? He did it better. Guess who else does all that better than you? Me. Minus, you know, the organized crime thing...you know thats something I have never done. You have had fourteen matches so far, right? Of course, with that many matches, it is clear why you should be thinking you are the best wrestler to ever come through here. Lets take a look.
In your first match here you beat Occulo and Taz Tayler. Nobody knows who Taz is anymore, and Occulo is the guy who quit this match because it was 'beneath' him. Big accomplishments there big guy. Then you beat Zmac for the TV title. I would applaud that, but Zmac isn't as good as he is made out to be. He lives in a fucking dumpster and has shit all over his boots. Ooo, let me get you a mother fucking reward. Oh wait, you did get a rewar, the title. Next you beat Ryan Blake. A guy who 'flakes' more than I do. You really think that you did something special by beating Odin Balfore's whipping boy? No. Thats nothing worthwhile Flash.
After that a lineup of real winners. Ultimate Destroyer, Kings of Chaos, Occulo again, Seifer Black, Oblivion, Metal Dragon. I am going to stop right there real quick. You almost starting beating people who matter when you finally, FINALLY pinned a former world champion, and then a guy named Metal Dragon? What the fuck is that? Anyway, Ultimate Destroyer AGAIN, BioWalker, Doc Henry, and then you won some dumb battle royal for a stupid prize against a bunch of Jobbers. Besides Oblivion, you have no real notable wins. By the time I was fourteen matches in, I had pinned people like Corey Black, Oblivion, Gravedigger, Johnny Reb, I was pinning and beating legends. I was fighting people like Eric Price and Nathan von Liebert, men who were legends in the making. Yet you think you are better than me? I mean, I don't know how much more I can prove this to anyone, smart people will understand, Joey Flash however, not a smart person.
But anyway at least you were building a resume. And then, then, THEN you lost the title to Grime. Grime? Who the fuck even is Grime? I will tell you, I never lose to grime. I fucking get my scrubbing brush out, get them bubble guys, they are better than Mr. Clean, and I fucking go to town on that grime. I would never lose a match to a man named Grime. I am so ashamed of you. I almost, ALMOST publicly backed you. Then you lose to Grime? My god man, you need to fucking get it through your head the matches that are important. You lose to a fucker like Grime, people are never, EVER going to take you seriously.
Thats a little bit of information that you can keep free of charge. Here is the down low here Flash, you are the flavor of the month, and not the month is over, and the people want a new flavor. Joey "blueberry" Flash just isn't tasty anymore. They want Jeff "cherry" Purse. They want Corey Blackberry. They want 'raspberry' Scarecrow. Your time this month is up my friend. Your time to be a 'good' wrestler is up. I can't want to get in the ring with you Flash. I can't want to get my hands on you. Do you really, really know why? Its not because I hate you. Its not because I want to destroy you. Fuck, Flash, really, I could care less about you. I nothing you, really. I am a little disappointed in you, but I really don't hate you.
But maybe, maybe, MAYBE we get in the ring together, and I can actually teach you how to be a good wrestler. I can help you mold your style that you aren't so fucking sloppy, so that you aren't such a piece of shit. So that you can beat a guy like Grime next time. So that you can have a legit win streak. I just can't believe you think that you are such hot shit because you beat a bunch of nobodies and you lost to a shit stain named Grime. Come on Flash. Seriously. I am disappointed in you man. But hey you are in this match now, right?
Of course, you weren't the first choice for this match. Your mortal enemy or your best friend or your best frenemy was the choice. It would have been a better match, that is for sure. At least a little more even. You got the left overs. I mean, come on Flash, can't you see that you don't belong here? Everything thinks I am the odd man out, but really, you are the odd man out. Odin and I have been in a few matches together. Corey Black is one of my best friends. Scarecrow is in Pantheon now, a group that Corey Black brought back and that I helped form. Seth has always HATED Pantheon. Scarecrow and Odin have beef. What is your purpose here Flash? To further prove you don't believe in the main card? Seriously? Im the odd man out, you are the one who is the odd man out my friend.
Jeff replaces the newly organized drawer back in the desk then begins walking around cleaning the room, straightening everything. Getting the room completely organized. Leaving it in much better condition than it was before.
Jeff: And now Odin. What is there to say to Odin that I haven't said already? You are old. You look like a binge drinking Santa Clause. You smell like you bathed in a vat of bengay, you are super, SUPER ugly, and you aren't fooling everyone, your teeth are obviously false. Seriously Odin, we have been in this position before. I insult you, you say you are going to beat me up, and then we go at it. I don't know how else to tell you that you are old and you need to retire for good. You used to fucking DESTROY people, I will give you that, and you are by far the strongest opponent we have to face. But now, Odin, you really, really suck at this game. The game of wrestling that is. I mean, what else can I say. To be honest Odin, I don't even think you are worth mentioning. Your hearing aide has never been strong enough to hear anything that goes on around you.
But ok, I will try, I will try to think of something original that I can say, that will be new, that won't be a variation of you are old. Hmmm....let me see...Andy Warhol. Mr. Warhol of course is famous for paining cans of Campbells soup and passing them off as art. Millions of people around the world try to express themselves artistically though art and Andy Warhol crushed them by painting cans of Campbells soup. He didn't do anything special, not at all. He showcased the mundane. Thats why you are like him, Odin. You are a talent wrestler, but you are mundane. You are boring. You don't excite people. You don't pop on screen. You are just a big tough guy. Well, you know, there are a lot of big tough guys here. Out of all of them, you fall in the middle. Because nobody cares, not one person. And because nobody cares about you Odin, I am done talking to you. Because you are so very boring, I have nothing more to say to you.
Jeff finally finishes making the final touches to the room. It is cleaner and much nicer than it was before. He turns and looks at the screen.
Jeff: Look, here is the point here. Corey and I were once team mates, there is no reason why we can't gel better than any of you. Scarecrow is an up and coming star. There is no reason, no way, we are losing this match. I would Welcome you guys to The Future, but none of you really deserve that. So instead I will go this way. Odin, Joey, Seth, at thirteen, you all will meet your Rapture. Fuck off guys.
With that Jeff exits the room. The shot fades away.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
March 12th, 2015 (One Day Before XIII)
We open to a shot at a bookstore, in the children's section. It would seem the employees of this specific Barnes and Nobles, or, for copyright purposes, 'random bookstore', have been setting up for a special guest to read books to children. If you thought that, you would be correct. There is about 20 kids sitting around a chair. Their parents stand around the semi circle that the kids make around the chair, making a semicircle around the kids. An employee of 'random bookstore' steps into the middle of the semi-circles.
Employee Robert: Um, I'm sorry for the delay. I know we were supposed to start ten minutes ago...or guest 'reader' isn't quite ready yet. But we promise to get things going as soon as he is, which shouldn't be much longer at all. Thank you for your patience.
Robert disappears behind a curtain to a groan of parents who didn't want to be at the bookstore in the first place. The camera follows Robert behind the curtain, taking a sharp right in a back hallway, and through a door, where there seems to be some muffling voices arguing. The camera goes into the room where Jeff Purse sits, arguing with Kari, as Robert waits nervously close to the door.
Jeff: Kari, look, I can't go out there yet. There is seven apricots, there is 9 banana's, there are 56 M&M's, its like...this is maddness.
Kari: Jeff I don't care how many of anything is in this room. I don't even know why they gave you any food, I told them not to.
Robert: Uh, well we thought th-
Kari: Not right now Robert.
Jeff: Be nice to Robert.
Kari: I would love to be nice to Robert. But you won't get over the number of FOOD in this DAMN ROOM!!
Jeff: Wow. How many times are you going to raise your voice to me?
Kari: Jeff I swear to God-
Jeff: Eh, don't say that word.
Kari: God? I can't say God, Jeff? GOD, GOD, GOD!
Jeff cringes everytime the words comes out of Kari's mouth.
Robert: Are you an atheist?
Jeff: What?
Robert: I mean, you cringe when she says God, and when I just said it. Are you an atheist. Beca-
Kari: No, Robert, he isn't an athiest. He was brainwashed by a religious puppet who tried to make Jeff his crusader against all that wasn't 'holy'. So unfortunetly God makes Jeff uncomfortable because all he heard about was GOD!
Jeff begins rocking back and forth. He reaches out and touches a light bulb on a lamp and counts how many times the tip of his finger comes in contact with the hot bulb.
Jeff: One...two...three...four...five
Kari: Thanks Robert, now he is even worse. Go tell those people it will be a little while still, and don't come back in.
Kari pushes Robert and the cameraman out of the room.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
July 29th, 2014 (The day after Jeff was dragged away from his home.)
Jeff sits in the middle of a room that looks very, very similar to an interrogation room. There is a steel table, which Jeff sits at in a steel chair. There is a cup of water sitting in front of him, which is untouched. Jeff couldn't drink it if he wanted to, though, because he is restrained with a straight jacket. Its pretty dark in the room, one lamp hanging over Jeff's head which swings back and forth very slowly and ominously, casting a half shadow to full shadow on Jeff's face.
The door opens, light spilling in dramatically, and two figures, complete shadows, come in. One large, one pretty small. The door shuts and we see the two who entered the room were Abbadon and Father Terry Andrews. Abbadon stands in front of the door with his arms crossed over his chest. Terry Andrews, the puppet, stalks behind Jeff.
Father Terry Andrews: Do you know why you are here, Mr. Purse?
Jeff stares straight forward.
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse...do you fully realise how powerful a thing someone's mind is? Do you fully understand just exactly what your mind is capable of, Mr. Purse?
Jeff: Where is Kari?
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse your mind is so great, so powerful that when you have a pesky, annoying little itch on your nose, without even realising what is happening, your mind tells your arm to pick up your hand and get rid of that pesky little annoyance. And you are none the wiser, Mr. Purse. Your mind does million of things every day, Mr. Purse, without you even realising. The compression of your lungs so you can breath, blinking, organ systems, everything, Mr. Purse, everything is because of your mind. And with your mind being so powerful, Mr. Purse, who is to say that you have issues? You are diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Mr. Purse, but why? Because your mind tells you things that are normal that are not exactly acceptable to social norms? Because when someone sees you licking every doorknob in your elementary school that you are strange? Because counting every, little thing in your life is excessive and not normal? Who defines what normal is Mr. Purse? Now I ask you again Mr. Purse, DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE!?
Jeff: Where is KARI?!
Father Terry Andrews comes around the desk and sits at the chair across from Jeff.
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse that is why you are here, because of her. She is afraid of your mind Mr. Purse. Your doctore, Dr. Armstrong is afraid of your mind Mr. Purse your own mother is afraid of your mind Mr. Purse!
Jeff:...where is Kari?
Father Terry Andrews: Mr. Purse...Jeffery...why are you here?
Jeff looks up at Father Terry Andrews...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
March 12th, 2015 (One day before XIII)
The crowd is starting to grow restless. Its been an hour and half since Jeff was supposed to start reading. There is only 10 of the 20 kids left, and even less parents. Most of them have retired to the Starbucks located at the center of the Barnes and Nobles...er...I mean "random coffee shop" in the middle of the "random bookstore". Anyway, Robert comes out from behind the curtain.
Robert: Ladies and gentleman, thank you, to those of you who have stuck around, we are just about to get ready for our special guest, WCF's Jeff Purse, to read to your children. There are, however, a couple of rules before he comes out here. Number one: Absolutely NO touching Jeff. Especially if you haven't washed your hands. Number two: Do not sneeze or cough in Jeff's general direction. Number three: Do not mention the name 'God'. Number four: if you have a hat or clothes on that are rumpled or not straight, please fix them now. And finally number five: If you have any questions for Jeff, he is going to do a quick Q and A before he begins reading. So...without further adieu, JEFF PURSE!!
Eminem's "Survival" plays throughout the bookstore, random shoppers and readers cringe, as it is blaring WAY too loud. Jeff jumps out of the curtain to the applause of the children there. He looks down at them. Ten. Ten of them. He was assuming there would be hundreds, but there was only ten. He pretty much lost most of his umph at this moment and just sat down. The music slowly, uncomfortably slowly, fades out. After one full minute of music fading, Every hand goes up. Jeff points to the kid sitting furthest left.
Kid 1 Todd: Um, I am a big fan of yours. When are you coming back for good?
Jeff: Well, I don't know yet. I still have a lot of work to do before I can come back full time, but hopefully I can return to the ring and be competing within the year.
Kid 2 Jenny: Jeff you are really hot.
Jeff: Is that a question?
Jenny: No. I just wanted you to know. My mommy says that I shouldn't say anything because I am 7 and you are 27, but I wanted you to know so that it could help you feel better.
Jeff: Well, thank you, I am very flattered.
Kid 3 Randy: Jeff, you SUCK!
Randy gets up and throws a water balloon at Jeff. It hits dead on. He runs out of the bookstore as Jeff begins screaming as though he just broke his leg. He falls to the ground, limp. Kari rolls her eyes and grabs a towel.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
December 28th, 2014 (Jeff loses to Eric Price at One.)
Jeff is laying in his locker room after getting beat by Eric Price. The match made him think about a lot of things. Why did he have such a feud with Eric? It all seemed so trivial and lost in time. He was glad to have this moment alone, telling Father Terry and Abaddon he wanted to do this alone. He was lost in his thoughts. He didn't give the fight all he could, because he still didn't understand. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what it was that made him dislike Eric so much. He reached in his bag and pulled out his cellphone. He had a missed call. He thought that was a little strange, ever since Father Terry gave him that phone, he hadn't had one call on it. Still, there was a voice mail...so he clicked the button that played voice mails.
Voice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
The voice mail cut out. A puppet? Who was that? Jeff clicked it again.
Voice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
Again.
Voice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
Again
Karice: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
He recognized the voice. He listened to it one last time.
Kari: Jeff, help, Terry's a puppet.
Just then rushes of memory started pouring into his brain. Him and Kari dragged out of their home during Ultimate Showdown. Jeff being convinced that Kari was the reason he went in the mental institue. He stands up quickly, but the rush of memory and the realization of what has been happening to him gets to him too quick. He see's black, and Jeff falls to the ground.
-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
March 12th, 2015 (The day before XIII)
Jeff sits in the chair, with a yellow rubber rain coat on and hat to boot. The deal he made with Kari was tha the would have to be protected from that happening again and he would finish the appearance. He pulled a book out of a bag sitting next to him and showed it to the audience.
Book: Three WCF Superstars Get their Dreams crushed.
Once upon there were three WCF superstars who though thier shit didn'-
Robert: Jeff, um...we prefer if you didn't use that word...there are children..
Jeff: Oh, right, sorry.
who thought their poop didn't smell. The first WCF superstar as a young, cocky, baby of a man named Joey Flash. Joey Flash used his looks and his lack luster talents to get by, making a formidable run as a Television Champion, because that is a belt meant for people who have nothing going for them and need a little push. Indeed the title was meant for one of two people. Someone who needed help making a name for themselves, and new comers who come through and destroy all the little competition put in front of them. Either way, Joey Flash was almost all talk.
The second WCF Superstar was hardly a Superstar at all. He was, however, the creator of WCF. Its unfortunate that without this guy, the WCF would never exist. With the creativity of a panda during mating season, Seth Lerch is brave as he is stupid. He had recently gotten himself throwing into a match that he could never actually prepare for. Because he was a little bitch...er...sorry I mean he was a scardy cat. In order to fight his scared little self has to drink a magical elixir that gives him courage to do most anything. That magical elixir was called 'Bacardi' and it gave Seth Lerch powers. Like the power to get his butt whipped and not realize he is getting his butt whipped. He liked it that way.
The third WCF superstar, and perhaps the most formidable of the three, was an omnipotent being named Odin Balfore. Odin, in his prime, was one of those guys who could run through a ring like a crazed, destructive, mad man. Once, a powerful force to be taken seriously. Now? A senile dude who looks like Santa Clause after a long night of binge drinking.
Robert: Jeff, please.
Jeff: What? I didn't swear.
Robert: I know, but, you know...
He looks around and then whispers.
Robert: Binge drinking.
Jeff: Well, Robert, I don't know how else to describe Odin. He looks like a binge drinking Santa Clause.
Parent 1 Randal: Maybe its not a good idea to compare Santa Clause to a binge drinker in front of children?
Jeff: Oh, I am sorry, I didn't realise I asked random guy with obvious toupee to chime in on this situation.
Randal: Excuse me?
Randal's Daughter Hannah: Daddy what is binge drinking?
Randal: Nothing.
Hannah: Then how do I know how to accurately picture Odin?
Jeff: Hey kid, you have a member in your family that always smells, never seems to have any money, is extremely violent for seemingly no reason? A scraggly mess?
Hannah: YEAH! My uncle Lester!
Jeff: Well, ok, just picture Lester as Odin. And I would like for the PEANUT GALLERY to be quiet for the rest of the story. Ok, so, lets see...where was I?
Todd: A binge drinking Santa!
Jeff: Ah, yes, thanks kid.
The three WCF superstars were nothing alone. Odin, an old loser, Joey Flash, a new loser, and Seth Lerch, the worst boss in the history of the world. Together, they posed the threat of one decent wrestler. So in all of his brilliance, one day, young popcorn aficionado, Jayson Price, thought it would be funny to throw these three superstars in the ring with three warriors. The word warrior didn't do these three brave souls justice. First, there was the Viking, the Burning Hammer giving, ultimate destroying Corey Black. A man who had more accomplishments and talent in his pinky toe than all three Superstars had in their whole body's/careers. The second was a scary mother fu- I mean a creepy man who came to the WCF and tore up. One of the most talented new comers to the business, a man who has proven himself in match after match, and a man who will be single handed ending Odin Balfore's career very soon, Scarecrow. Finally, there was the most handsome, brave, valiant, tough, distinguished, funny, amazing, strong, fast, talented, athletic, spry, quick, awesome-
Kari: Jeff, wrap up your description.
....sexy, hot, stunning, wrestling icon Jeff Purse. Of course, nobody thought the match was a fair match by any means, but it was booked, and the fans wanted it. So the three original superstars took to training to try to get ready for the match.
"Gee willikers" Joey Flash said while trying to help Seth Lerch stretch his quad, but really was coping a feel, "I don't understand why I have to do this Seth? I mean I thought we had a deal where I don't fight anyone with any real talent?"
"Bum slurp with cheese and a soda on the head." Seth slurred, have awake have blacked out.
"What?" Joey Flash pondered.
A strong wind came upon the air as Odin stepped into the room. He was standing with confidence and looked like a deflated Odin Balfore balloon.
"Odin, thank Thor you are here!" Joey Flash was glad that it wasn't just the pin up he had in his room, but Odin Balfore in the excess flesh. "Can you interpret what Seth is trying to tell me?"
Odin leaned in, the smell of Bengay filling the nostrils of those around him. I mean, it smelled like the dude took a bath in the stuff. He put his face very close to Joey Flash's, Joey Flash only getting excited that his dream of 'Odin is love, Odin is life' might be coming true.
"What?" Odin shouted out, spittle hitting Joey Flash in the face. Joey slumped at the fact that his dream didn't come true.
"I said can you tell me what Seth is saying?"
"You wanna know when the chicken is laying?"
"No, what is Seth saying?"
"You wanna know what Maestro is singing?"
"What? No, how does th-"
"In my day, we had to walk fifteen miles, in the snow, up hill both ways, with no shoes, and no socks, with no fancy GPS, and no cell phones to call someone in case we got lost or got in trouble."
"Slip into my dressing room and eat the platter of cheese and crackers. Just not the Townhouse Crackers, those are the fancy ones, and I like to live through wars with crackers in my hand." Seth had just taken a fresh swig of his special elixir. Joey Flash, frustrated that his partners were basically useless, sighed and began to just drop the pretext of stretching and just cupped Seth's balls. Now Se-
Randal: Whoa, whoa, what?
Parent 2 Nancy: Yeah, that is a little far.
Jeff: What, Seth had two tennis balls with him. Did I forget to read that part?
Nancy: Oh, well, yes you did.
Jeff: Sorry.
Jeff leans real close to the children and whispers...
Jeff: He didn't have tennis balls.
The moment had finally come where the three biggest jokes in the history of WCF would have to fight the three valiant knights, who people were say were Pantheon, even though technically one of them was no longer a member of Pantheon, but an honorary member because hell, he helped forge the legend that is Pantheon. He helped people respect the name Pantheon. Anyway, it was the team of Awesome vs the team of Eh. And do you know what happened, kids? The team of Awesome complete destroyed the team of Eh. I mean, it wasn't even close. The team of Awesome easily destroyed the team of Eh to become the super awesome winners that they always were and the team of Eh stayed in the place of being super shitty losers.
Kari: JEFF!
The morale of this story, children. Don't put your faith in false idols like Odin, or Flash, or Seth. Hell, don't worship us either. Just know, be sure, that tomorrow at XIII, Corey Black, Scarecrow, and yes, Jeff Purse, are going to emerge victorious, and stand atop those who try to defeat us. Because we aren't just pushovers, we will fight, and we will win. Never give up kids, never surrender, and always, ALWAYS, give it one hundred and ten percent. THE END!
The children all applaud feverishly, the parents begrudgingly clap their hands. Jeff stands and throws his hands in the air, basking in the admiration of ten ten year olds.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
February 18th, 2015 (Jeff finally breaks free.)
It had felt like he had been asleep for months now, maybe even years. Jeff opened his eyes, only to find a bright light shining in them. He squinted. How long was he sleeping? He couldn't move any part of his body. Trying to glance down, though, he realized it was less because his appendages were numb, more so that they were strapped him, securing him on a cold, metal table. Abaddon stands in the corner, Father Terry Andrews paces around the table.
Father Terry Andrews: Jeffery do you know what the true definition of insanity is? Not the one that Albert Einstein came up with, but the real definition of insanity. There are two definitions that I found to be the norm. The first one is 'the state of being seriously mentally ill; madness' and the second being 'extreme foolishness or irrationality'. Jeffery do you feel like you have displayed either of these possible definitions for insanity in your lifetime?
Jeff: What is going on? How long have I been asleep? WHERE IS KARI?!?
Father Terry Andrews: I saw that she called you. I knew we would have problems when I saw that she left you a voice mail. Abaddon and I found you laying in your dressing room, unconcious, barely breathing. We put you in a medically induced coma, or rather Dr. Stella Montgomery put you in a medically induced coma. Jeffery I want to talk to you about your mental health though. It is getting worse and worse as you go on. Your brain is becoming weaker and weaker with every passing day. You see Jeffery, the OCD that you have is not the only form of insanity that you portray. For example, you have in the past suffered from severe depression, schizophrenia, and bi-polar disease.
Jeff: I don't have any of those things.
Father Terry Andrews: Jeffery your father left you and you fell into a depression so bad I had never seen a child with so many issues. You resorted to using fire as an escape. You burned down entire buildings and you got away with it because nobody expected a five year old to be capable of such a deed. You set your middle school on fire because you didn't like something the coach said to you. You blew up your fathers house because you hated him before he died and you didn't know how to deal with the grief of losing a father who was never there. You have seen spectors of your friends who are not really there and finally you believe that a PUPPET is talking to you, controlling your every move. You have no questions behind my existance you have just accepted it from the start. None of this is bothersome to you Jeffery?
Jeff: I guess I never really...
A cold chill fills the air. The light dims dramatically. Father Terry Andrews drops to the floor, revealing what everyone knew all along, that he was nothing but a mere puppet. He had no power over Jeff anymore. Jeff was free. Yet, he still felt a strange foreboding. He wasn't alone in the room. And the presence that was there felt colder and more evil than any other force Jeff had ever encountered.
Abaddon began slowly walking toward where Father Terry Andrews now lay on the ground. It was at that moment that Jeff realized he had never seen Abaddon without a hood. His face was always cast in a dark shadow, most of the time you could only really see his jaw. Abaddon stopped short of standing directing on the now lifeless puppet and slowly removed his hood. Jeff let out a gasp. Abaddon's eyes are entirely white, there doesn't seem to be any pupil. He begins to talk in a high, hissing voice, though at the same time it was very deep and dark.
Adaddon: What is it, Jeff, that makes the words Evil and Good have any meaning? They are both just simple four letter words that have little significance. But once you apply them to something they have a tremendous effect on what you are putting them on. But what makes something Evil, Jeff? What makes something Good? Is it action? I suppose it is considered evil to kidnap a man and his fiance and brainwash the man into doinig what I want. It was evil I suppose, in theory to do that.
But what about intent, Jeff? Does that play a role in what is Evil and Good? Because the intent behind this was to change the world. To make it a better place. To take violence, debauchery, immoral television of the air. To help people to see the light of what is good. Does the intent of trying to improve this worthless planet make my actions ultimetly good? Or is this one of those gray areas that nobody can ever really decide on?
There is a click at the door. Abaddon smiles at Jeff as the door swings open. Kari comes running in the room with a key in her hand. She doesn't stop to say hi, she quickly unlocks the padlocks that were holding Jeff securly to the table. Jeff instinctivly turns to protect Kari from Abaddon, but Abaddon is gone. He is nowhere to be found. Trying to get off the table, though, Jeff falls to the ground. Kari brings in a wheelchair that she brought with her in the hall.
Kari: Here, Jeff, you have been in a coma for like...a month or so. You can't walk.
Jeff: Where were you?
Kari: I will tell you all about it later. lets just get out of here, ok?
Jeff: Ok.
Surprised by her strength, Kari picked Jeff up and sat him in the wheelchair, both of them escaping into the light.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
March 12th, 2015 (The day before XIII)
Jeff is in the room we saw him in earlier. He sits on a desk, is feet on the chair that someone would normally use to sit in the chair. He is relfecting on everything that has happened to him in the past year. Its been, well, to say the least, insane. Kari walks into the room and begins to gather up all of their items. Jeff had already meticulously organized everything by color and size, and made it all rather easy to transport. Kari walked up to him and rubbed his arm.
Kari: I will be waiting in the car, ok?
Jeff: Ok.
Kari: I love you.
Jeff: Me too.
She kisses him on the cheek and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. At this point, it is only Jeff and the camera, no camera man. The camera is on a tripod. He takes his hat off and runs his hand through his hair, replacing his hat backwards when he is done. He lets out a long breath.
Jeff: Its been a while since I have been in the ring. A long while. Hell the last time I was in that ring I got my ass handed to me by Eric Price. People called me crazy when they heard I signed up for thirteen. They said I wasn't ready. Thats what my doctor said. Yeah, I have to through physical therapy again because of you know, being in a coma for a month and a half and not using my legs or my arms. They want to make sure I have full use back before just...sending me out there. I suppose.
I have been through it. My career has been all over the fucking place, man. First I was this BMX guy who was a risk taker. Then I was an original member of Pantheon, causing problems for everyone and being adored by the fans. Then I was the World Heavyweight Champion and carried Pantheon on my shoulders. Then I got hurt. Then I came back...and I got hurt. I came back and got hurt. I came back brainwashed by a mother fucking puppet and now I am back. I am the epitome of cliche in wrestling. Its true. But you know what? I don't give a fuck.
Nobody thinks I 'have it' anymore. Nobody thinks I can hang with the big boys anymore. That I am come and go as I please. That I can't throw down with the best of them. Most people here weren't even around when I was the top guy here. Thats right, Flash, I was the TOP guy around here. I know, hard to believe I am sure. People forget all that I did.
Jeff looks down and notices pens in a pen cup sitting on the desk he is sitting on. He picks up the container and begins organizing the pens first by brand, then by color, then by size. He talks as he does this.
Jeff: Nobody remembers that those Tag Team Titles were brought back by me and NightRider. Thats right, Seth you should remember, Odin too, the Tag Team Titles were made relevant again by me. Joey Flash have you ever been the reason people cared about a title? No. Oh sure, you had an impressive run with the TV title, but Johnny Fly made that title mean something way before you got here.
And then what happened? I lost. I lost those titles and Johnny Fly and Polar Phantasm asked me to join their group, Pantheon. I just happened to have won the US title the same night we officially formed. Joey Flash, Seth, Odin, you forget that I was a GREAT U.S. Champion. I defended that title against everyone who tried to beat me. I was never, NEVER pinned to lose that title. I lost it at Ultimate Showdown, when someone got pinned BEFORE me to take over that title. giving me the TV title. And you know what I did Flash, I lost it two weeks later.
A low spot for me? Sure. But that didn't mean shit when I won War and won the WCF Championship because Johnny Fly was incarcerated. Let me ask you something Flash, have you ever, EVER beat the ENTIRE roster of a federation to come out the Champion? Have you? In fact, a fact, I am the ONLY person in this entire match to have won War. Corey Black hasn't won it, Odin hasn't won it, Seth Lerch certainly hasn't won it.
And in the time between me winning War and then me ultimately losing the title to Eric Price at One, I carried Pantheon on my shoulders. Everyone talks about how I was such a minuscule part of Pantheon, how I was the one they felt bad for. No, I am the reason Pantheon survived that time period. I am the reason there is a Pantheon here today. I could have let that fucking group die right there and then but I didn't. I kept it going. I kept it strong. It was basically me and Corey Black, and Corey Black was here on a part time basis. I fucking kept that group top fucking notch competition. The people who were gunning to destroy Pantheon, and believe me there were a lot, there was two different stables at the time dedicated to destroying Pantheon, were basically trying to destroy me. Because I was fucking IT.
Did the pressure build up? Sure. Did the fact that being the WCF Champion get to my head? Yes. It did. I didn't handle it well. I will be the first to admit that losing that belt sent me on a downward spiral that I couldn't pull myself out of for a long time. Because of this momentary spiral, though, people forget about what I did for that group. They refer to me as the bitch of Pantheon. They forget that I was one of the FINAL FOUR in the last War match. They forget that in both Ultimate Showdown matches I have been in I was in the final three. These are the hardest fought matches in our company, and I excel at them.
But I get the short straw. My accomplishments are nothing compared to Odin Balfore. Or Joey Flash. Or even fucking Seth Lerch? FUCK THAT. My accomplishments here speak for themselves. I am better than each and every one of those twats. But they want to think I am the fucking bitch of Pantheon. Ok, that's fair. Then I have one question for each of them?
How does it feel knowing you are going to get bitch slapped by the bitch of Pantheon? Joey Flash, how does it feel to know that a guy who you think is no big deal is going to fucking kick you so hard in the face your fucking jaw becomes disconnected? Odin, how does it feel to know that a guy that you never, not once took seriously is going to break your fucking arm when I lock in my Arm Bar? Seth, someone who you think is a flake, how is it going to feel when this flake FUCKS you up so bad, not even alcohol is going to sooth your pain?
Jeff has finished sorting the pens. He puts the canister down. He has added his own self made dividers that he made out of paper to keep the pens from getting mixed up again. He then begins on the overflowing tin of paper clips. He separates by size, then by color. The little paper clips he throws right in the trash, because seriously, little paper clips? Who gives a fuck?
Jeff: Seth Lerch. You are going to wrestle? What made you think "Hmmm...Jayson Price, a guy I hate, is booking a wrestling show. I should sign up."? Did you think that he was going to go easy on you? I mean, seriously Seth, how fucking stupid can you be? I think this tops it. This is stupider than you selling the company that you worked so hard to form to Jonny Fly. Seriously Seth, what the fuck were you thinking?
Do you even have any skill whatsoever? Can you do anything besides get drunk and swing bottles at people's heads? I have no idea what the fuck you were thinking. I really don't. I even feel bad. I feel bad for your slutty sister. Yes, I have spent enough time with her while she was fucking Jonny Fly to know that she is a slut. A big one. She would always try to rub my leg when I would sit at that table. But none the less, I feel sorry for her, its got to be a terrible, terrible thing to lose a brother in such a horrific way.
I feel bad for you parents, the crack-addicted Lerch's who have no idea whats going on most of the day because they are too busy hitting that crack pipe then throwing up all over their own house, then repeating once that high wears off. Because even a crack high and overdose is better than having to be the parents of Seth Lerch. I do feel bad for them though, because although they are ashamed of you Seth, its too bad to learn that they are going to lose their son in a way not even they thought imaginable.
Seth I have two goals for this match, that is, two goals as far as you are concerned. First, I am going to make you wish you respected me. Because for every piece of disrespect I ever got from you, I am going to make you hurt even more. Every bit of disrespect you ever threw my way, any jab at me, any ill thoughts, anything at all, its all coming back to you in the form of pain. Physical pain. Second, I am going to make you regret ever stepping into the ring with me. I am going to make you pay for deciding its a good idea to come into this ring, look me in the eyes, and expect that I am going to be an easy target.
I think its funny that there was a man that would rather look like a little bitch and pull a Terry RobertSYNN and pull himself out of this match than be partners with you. Oh god that had to make you feel like a giant sack of shit. Occulo, an up and coming star, decided he wasn't going to do this match because he was on YOUR team. Seth, I almost feel bad for you. I almost want to hug you. Did you cry? I bet you cried.
I bet you cry every night. I bet you start drinking that Bacardi 151, which, by the way, is a girls rum, but you probably start drinking and don't stop till the bottles gone, right? Even though every night you risk alcohol poisoning, you do it. Why? Because you are some 'champion drinker'? No. Because you go out and party all the time with your many friends? No. Its because you have such crippling depression that you sit at home alone and chug whole bottles of pussy rum. Because down to it Seth, you alienate everyone that has ever cared about you. You decide that being alone is better, until you are sitting there on your bed, crying because again you are alone, and you take a long draw from that bottle, and it makes you feel not so lonely. At least you have a friend in that bottle.
You aren't a threat Seth. You are never a threat. You know why? Because no matter what, I know that when I come home, I am coming home to the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth, not some random bitch I way underpaid to fuck me. No, I have people in my live who love and care about me. So thats why I am not afraid of you in the least bit Seth. You have nothing. You will always have nothing. No matter what happens tomorrow at thirteen, in life, I am always winning. I come out on top every time. You come out on the bottom. You have nothing to live for. And that Seth, that may be the saddest, most pitiful think I have ever heard in my life.
Jeff puts down the tin of once overflowing paper clips, it is now halfway full. He sits at the desk now and pulls out the top drawer. It is incredibly messy. he puts it on the top and begins sorting through the desk, organizing it and making it nice and clean.
Jeff: Joey Flash. You have been on a tear, right? 13 wins, and a magnificent Television Title run. That is quite an accomplishment. Some people have even called you the next Jonny Fly. You know what I say to those people, Flash? I say, fuck you. Nobody is the next Jonny Fly. If Fly wanted, he would come back and bitch slap you back from the ghetto you came from Flash. Organized crime, he did it better. Wrestling skill? He did it better. Mic skill? He did it better. Guess who else does all that better than you? Me. Minus, you know, the organized crime thing...you know thats something I have never done. You have had fourteen matches so far, right? Of course, with that many matches, it is clear why you should be thinking you are the best wrestler to ever come through here. Lets take a look.
In your first match here you beat Occulo and Taz Tayler. Nobody knows who Taz is anymore, and Occulo is the guy who quit this match because it was 'beneath' him. Big accomplishments there big guy. Then you beat Zmac for the TV title. I would applaud that, but Zmac isn't as good as he is made out to be. He lives in a fucking dumpster and has shit all over his boots. Ooo, let me get you a mother fucking reward. Oh wait, you did get a rewar, the title. Next you beat Ryan Blake. A guy who 'flakes' more than I do. You really think that you did something special by beating Odin Balfore's whipping boy? No. Thats nothing worthwhile Flash.
After that a lineup of real winners. Ultimate Destroyer, Kings of Chaos, Occulo again, Seifer Black, Oblivion, Metal Dragon. I am going to stop right there real quick. You almost starting beating people who matter when you finally, FINALLY pinned a former world champion, and then a guy named Metal Dragon? What the fuck is that? Anyway, Ultimate Destroyer AGAIN, BioWalker, Doc Henry, and then you won some dumb battle royal for a stupid prize against a bunch of Jobbers. Besides Oblivion, you have no real notable wins. By the time I was fourteen matches in, I had pinned people like Corey Black, Oblivion, Gravedigger, Johnny Reb, I was pinning and beating legends. I was fighting people like Eric Price and Nathan von Liebert, men who were legends in the making. Yet you think you are better than me? I mean, I don't know how much more I can prove this to anyone, smart people will understand, Joey Flash however, not a smart person.
But anyway at least you were building a resume. And then, then, THEN you lost the title to Grime. Grime? Who the fuck even is Grime? I will tell you, I never lose to grime. I fucking get my scrubbing brush out, get them bubble guys, they are better than Mr. Clean, and I fucking go to town on that grime. I would never lose a match to a man named Grime. I am so ashamed of you. I almost, ALMOST publicly backed you. Then you lose to Grime? My god man, you need to fucking get it through your head the matches that are important. You lose to a fucker like Grime, people are never, EVER going to take you seriously.
Thats a little bit of information that you can keep free of charge. Here is the down low here Flash, you are the flavor of the month, and not the month is over, and the people want a new flavor. Joey "blueberry" Flash just isn't tasty anymore. They want Jeff "cherry" Purse. They want Corey Blackberry. They want 'raspberry' Scarecrow. Your time this month is up my friend. Your time to be a 'good' wrestler is up. I can't want to get in the ring with you Flash. I can't want to get my hands on you. Do you really, really know why? Its not because I hate you. Its not because I want to destroy you. Fuck, Flash, really, I could care less about you. I nothing you, really. I am a little disappointed in you, but I really don't hate you.
But maybe, maybe, MAYBE we get in the ring together, and I can actually teach you how to be a good wrestler. I can help you mold your style that you aren't so fucking sloppy, so that you aren't such a piece of shit. So that you can beat a guy like Grime next time. So that you can have a legit win streak. I just can't believe you think that you are such hot shit because you beat a bunch of nobodies and you lost to a shit stain named Grime. Come on Flash. Seriously. I am disappointed in you man. But hey you are in this match now, right?
Of course, you weren't the first choice for this match. Your mortal enemy or your best friend or your best frenemy was the choice. It would have been a better match, that is for sure. At least a little more even. You got the left overs. I mean, come on Flash, can't you see that you don't belong here? Everything thinks I am the odd man out, but really, you are the odd man out. Odin and I have been in a few matches together. Corey Black is one of my best friends. Scarecrow is in Pantheon now, a group that Corey Black brought back and that I helped form. Seth has always HATED Pantheon. Scarecrow and Odin have beef. What is your purpose here Flash? To further prove you don't believe in the main card? Seriously? Im the odd man out, you are the one who is the odd man out my friend.
Jeff replaces the newly organized drawer back in the desk then begins walking around cleaning the room, straightening everything. Getting the room completely organized. Leaving it in much better condition than it was before.
Jeff: And now Odin. What is there to say to Odin that I haven't said already? You are old. You look like a binge drinking Santa Clause. You smell like you bathed in a vat of bengay, you are super, SUPER ugly, and you aren't fooling everyone, your teeth are obviously false. Seriously Odin, we have been in this position before. I insult you, you say you are going to beat me up, and then we go at it. I don't know how else to tell you that you are old and you need to retire for good. You used to fucking DESTROY people, I will give you that, and you are by far the strongest opponent we have to face. But now, Odin, you really, really suck at this game. The game of wrestling that is. I mean, what else can I say. To be honest Odin, I don't even think you are worth mentioning. Your hearing aide has never been strong enough to hear anything that goes on around you.
But ok, I will try, I will try to think of something original that I can say, that will be new, that won't be a variation of you are old. Hmmm....let me see...Andy Warhol. Mr. Warhol of course is famous for paining cans of Campbells soup and passing them off as art. Millions of people around the world try to express themselves artistically though art and Andy Warhol crushed them by painting cans of Campbells soup. He didn't do anything special, not at all. He showcased the mundane. Thats why you are like him, Odin. You are a talent wrestler, but you are mundane. You are boring. You don't excite people. You don't pop on screen. You are just a big tough guy. Well, you know, there are a lot of big tough guys here. Out of all of them, you fall in the middle. Because nobody cares, not one person. And because nobody cares about you Odin, I am done talking to you. Because you are so very boring, I have nothing more to say to you.
Jeff finally finishes making the final touches to the room. It is cleaner and much nicer than it was before. He turns and looks at the screen.
Jeff: Look, here is the point here. Corey and I were once team mates, there is no reason why we can't gel better than any of you. Scarecrow is an up and coming star. There is no reason, no way, we are losing this match. I would Welcome you guys to The Future, but none of you really deserve that. So instead I will go this way. Odin, Joey, Seth, at thirteen, you all will meet your Rapture. Fuck off guys.
With that Jeff exits the room. The shot fades away.
