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Post by occulo on Jan 9, 2015 17:08:30 GMT -5
What do you make of Occulo so far? Anything you can tell me that I can improve on would be great. My personal feelings are that I CAN do better and I'm waiting to be pushed to do so really. So fire away, thank you  |
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Post by Joey Flash on Jan 9, 2015 17:27:26 GMT -5
I can't not jump in here. Occy has been a pleasure to work with and fight against. You have a strong shoot, good prose and love the level of involvement and dedication. I'm really interested in how the character develops and what becomes of him, that being said I feel I have a good grasp on some little things to work on, the below is only because I know how dominant you could be with just a few tweaks. This might be quite critical, meant ONLY to try help.
1) Shoot, my favourite aspect, as I said, strong, strong but not CRUSHING. You say just enough to eek out the win that week or at least make it very close. As I said in one of my promo's against you, go for the jugular, make it a no doubter. I feel against me you could have really gone more in depth and made your case of being the better of the two stronger, you can do it. Doesn't matter who the opponent is, go for the fuckin kill.
2) Story/Descriptive, this is your strongest part...at least it would be if you did more of it. Again in reference to our match, where was the peek into Occy's psyche? Into his thoughts, feelings and struggles? Instead he just seemed to resolve it with a 'I will win!'. I think the problem you have with Occy is maybe you don't know his thoughts and feelings yourself, explore the character more, get into his mind. It seems to be you talking through the proxy of Occulo, with the top guys here they clearly know their character inside and out, make him 3D and everything will just flow more. Shoots will become a lot easier and the story and character parts will be fun to write and read, I just get into Joey's mind and let him take me on a journey, do the same with Occulo!
3) Creativity. I'm guilty of doing a very basic CD/SHOOT/CD sandwich in my promo's and cool that works okay for me, for you, I think going a bit outside the box would help a lot. Working with you, you're a font of ideas and creativity, take a sip from it once in a while, don't feel like you have to just toe the line with a stock Promo 101 type. ICE Beckman does it in such a unique way and look how it works for him, because Promo 101 works for someone like me doesn't mean it's necessarily your way to go. Ditch Hank once in a while, let us into Occulo's mind.
Mostly though man, as I say, I know how good you are and how great you're going to be in this federation. Use your whole writing voice, don't hold back, no one else here does. You're going to crush it.
<3
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Post by occulo on Jan 9, 2015 17:43:28 GMT -5
Thanks very much Joey! You have absolutely been my muse so far and you yourself are a seriously good RP'er. I am considering taking Occulo down a whole new route in terms of style of RP so we'll see how that goes |
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Post by Joey Flash on Jan 15, 2015 6:42:22 GMT -5
Your latest RP, well fuckin done.
Exactly what I had in mind haha.
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Post by occulo on Jan 15, 2015 6:58:14 GMT -5
Thanks Bro! Really enjoyed your storyline stuff this week and your shoot was as consistently great as usual.
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