Post by Stuart Slane on Dec 8, 2014 19:09:08 GMT -5
Monday, December 8th, 2014
Greetings, my fellow Slaneiacs. As you are no doubt aware, last night I made my triumphant return to the WCF Galaxy. It was a history making moment, one that I’ve been told shattered previous ratings records for that time slot of Slam. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions, changed their viewing habits in reaction to my show stopping performance; one that, if I may briefly play the role of “arm-chair booker”, should have been the main event.
This, and the way the online blogosphere erupted in a paroxysm of recognition and declaration in the moments after my return makes it clear that there is a hunger for all things Slane. How ridiculous it was, then, that an attempt was made to silence me during that segment. Yes, for those of you unware, some rogue low level drone in the WCF production truck turned off my microphone just as my presentation was reaching its crescendo. I have sent a personal letter to the company’s owner, Mister Seth Lerch, informing him of the situation and my displeasure with it. Rest assured, Slaneiacs, the individual responsible for this act of censorship will be reprimanded.
The incident did make me realize how much of my mission to save the Wrestling Championship Federation is at the mercy of others. A disgruntled employee, an unhappy sponsor, a busy body fan: any or all of these potentially have the power to silence me, at least when I am speaking through “proper” WCF channels. Ergo, I must seek out and utilize alternate avenues of communication to best get my message across.
That is what this weblog is: a non-affiliated digital media platform from which I may freely comment on the activities of those in the Wrestling Championship Federation whom I feel are sullying the sport. No one, no matter their spot on the card, shall be excluded from scrutiny.* It is my sincere wish that these evaluations are taken in the spirt there are intended: neither as a badge of honor nor a Mark of Cain, but a check on the recipient’s respective ego in an attempt to promote self-awareness and, I hope, improvement.
First, “The Mythologically Misidentified” insignia goes to The Scarecrow. This is a minor quibble, to be sure, but from the smallest gaffes large blunders can be born. And given the lapses in judgment Mister Corvus Crane has made recently- repeatedly assaulting WCF’s owner Seth Lerch being the most severe- he can ill afford to add more to the ledger. The incident in question occurred backstage when Mister Crane attempted to intimidate Mister Lerch’s chosen representative Odin Balfore, by writing the word ‘Mjolnir’ on the tape he had wrapped on his fist. Preposterous. ‘Mijolnir’ is the name of the Norse thunder god Thor’s hammer. In the ancient eddas Thor is Odin’s son, and no threat to him at all. Even the most cursory of basement dwelling “Mazes and Monsters” devotees knows that, according to the legend of Ragnarok, it is the great wolf Fenrir that ultimately kills the All-Father. It is that name The Scarecrow should have etched across his knuckles. Mistakes like this make me question the gentleman’s commitment to his own gimmick as a supernatural grappler slash secret agent.
WCF Hall of Famer Gravedigger earns the “Bad Time to be Culturally Insensitive” Demerit Badge for his decision to commit a pair of “Pearl Harbor Jobs” on the seventy third anniversary of the actual attack. First, the “Epitome of Hardcore” interfered in Slam’s Television Title match, costing Steeltoe Joe the belt to Johnny Reb. Then, he and his minions in the MS-13 street gang got involved in the scrum that came at the end of the fight between World Champion ICE Beckman and United States Champion Deuce Murdock. Now, do not get me wrong: I shed no tears for that mesomorphic Bible thumper Joe and his allies in Armageddon Now Incorporated. Nor am I concerned about the well-being for anyone in the Vapor Kings or Pantheon, who were also part of the melee. But when Gravedigger, a former WCF executive, displays such a callous lack of regard towards the feelings of those watching Slam who remember that “Day that Shall Live in Infamy”, I must speak out against it. Shame on you, sir, for the pain you have brought to the Greatest Generation.
Finally, Corey Black is recognized for his decision to ‘nobly’ step in and serve as Chelsea Armstrong’s tag partner when her original teammate, Chase Michaels, was hauled off to the calaboose. This act would set in motion a chain of events that would end with Miss Armstrong being stretchered out of the arena after suffering extreme head trauma from events coming stemming from the match. If Mister Black had chosen to mind his own business and allowed her opponents, coincidentally his fellow stable mates Polar Phantasm and Jayson Price, to use their superior numbers and skill to end the battle quickly and without bloodshed, this could have been avoided. But he chose to play the hero; leading to the aforementioned injury, and, even worse, the collateral damage that can come when women are allowed to wrestle. Now, thanks to the current Crusierweight Champion, a child may lose her mother. A child whose life is already behind the figurative 8-Ball because half of her genes come from Siefer Black. There can be no more appropriate nickname than “Creeping Death” for the man who earned the “Chivalry is Dead by Way of Involuntary Manslaughter” badge Sunday night at Slam.
*With one exception. You know who you are.
Greetings, my fellow Slaneiacs. As you are no doubt aware, last night I made my triumphant return to the WCF Galaxy. It was a history making moment, one that I’ve been told shattered previous ratings records for that time slot of Slam. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions, changed their viewing habits in reaction to my show stopping performance; one that, if I may briefly play the role of “arm-chair booker”, should have been the main event.
This, and the way the online blogosphere erupted in a paroxysm of recognition and declaration in the moments after my return makes it clear that there is a hunger for all things Slane. How ridiculous it was, then, that an attempt was made to silence me during that segment. Yes, for those of you unware, some rogue low level drone in the WCF production truck turned off my microphone just as my presentation was reaching its crescendo. I have sent a personal letter to the company’s owner, Mister Seth Lerch, informing him of the situation and my displeasure with it. Rest assured, Slaneiacs, the individual responsible for this act of censorship will be reprimanded.
The incident did make me realize how much of my mission to save the Wrestling Championship Federation is at the mercy of others. A disgruntled employee, an unhappy sponsor, a busy body fan: any or all of these potentially have the power to silence me, at least when I am speaking through “proper” WCF channels. Ergo, I must seek out and utilize alternate avenues of communication to best get my message across.
That is what this weblog is: a non-affiliated digital media platform from which I may freely comment on the activities of those in the Wrestling Championship Federation whom I feel are sullying the sport. No one, no matter their spot on the card, shall be excluded from scrutiny.* It is my sincere wish that these evaluations are taken in the spirt there are intended: neither as a badge of honor nor a Mark of Cain, but a check on the recipient’s respective ego in an attempt to promote self-awareness and, I hope, improvement.
Stuart Slane’s “Insignias de Demérito” for the December 7th Edition of Slam
First, “The Mythologically Misidentified” insignia goes to The Scarecrow. This is a minor quibble, to be sure, but from the smallest gaffes large blunders can be born. And given the lapses in judgment Mister Corvus Crane has made recently- repeatedly assaulting WCF’s owner Seth Lerch being the most severe- he can ill afford to add more to the ledger. The incident in question occurred backstage when Mister Crane attempted to intimidate Mister Lerch’s chosen representative Odin Balfore, by writing the word ‘Mjolnir’ on the tape he had wrapped on his fist. Preposterous. ‘Mijolnir’ is the name of the Norse thunder god Thor’s hammer. In the ancient eddas Thor is Odin’s son, and no threat to him at all. Even the most cursory of basement dwelling “Mazes and Monsters” devotees knows that, according to the legend of Ragnarok, it is the great wolf Fenrir that ultimately kills the All-Father. It is that name The Scarecrow should have etched across his knuckles. Mistakes like this make me question the gentleman’s commitment to his own gimmick as a supernatural grappler slash secret agent.
WCF Hall of Famer Gravedigger earns the “Bad Time to be Culturally Insensitive” Demerit Badge for his decision to commit a pair of “Pearl Harbor Jobs” on the seventy third anniversary of the actual attack. First, the “Epitome of Hardcore” interfered in Slam’s Television Title match, costing Steeltoe Joe the belt to Johnny Reb. Then, he and his minions in the MS-13 street gang got involved in the scrum that came at the end of the fight between World Champion ICE Beckman and United States Champion Deuce Murdock. Now, do not get me wrong: I shed no tears for that mesomorphic Bible thumper Joe and his allies in Armageddon Now Incorporated. Nor am I concerned about the well-being for anyone in the Vapor Kings or Pantheon, who were also part of the melee. But when Gravedigger, a former WCF executive, displays such a callous lack of regard towards the feelings of those watching Slam who remember that “Day that Shall Live in Infamy”, I must speak out against it. Shame on you, sir, for the pain you have brought to the Greatest Generation.
Finally, Corey Black is recognized for his decision to ‘nobly’ step in and serve as Chelsea Armstrong’s tag partner when her original teammate, Chase Michaels, was hauled off to the calaboose. This act would set in motion a chain of events that would end with Miss Armstrong being stretchered out of the arena after suffering extreme head trauma from events coming stemming from the match. If Mister Black had chosen to mind his own business and allowed her opponents, coincidentally his fellow stable mates Polar Phantasm and Jayson Price, to use their superior numbers and skill to end the battle quickly and without bloodshed, this could have been avoided. But he chose to play the hero; leading to the aforementioned injury, and, even worse, the collateral damage that can come when women are allowed to wrestle. Now, thanks to the current Crusierweight Champion, a child may lose her mother. A child whose life is already behind the figurative 8-Ball because half of her genes come from Siefer Black. There can be no more appropriate nickname than “Creeping Death” for the man who earned the “Chivalry is Dead by Way of Involuntary Manslaughter” badge Sunday night at Slam.
*With one exception. You know who you are.
