Post by epic on Jun 19, 2007 23:44:02 GMT -5
The scene opens with Hank Brown standing beside an ordinary metal door. The roar of a large crowd is faintly heard in the background.
Hank: Hank Brown here, backstage at Sunday Slam. Where moments ago WCF great Epic just challenged current World Champ Skyler Striker to a title match. Hopefully we’ll be granted access to have the first interview with the former champ since his surprising return last week.
Hank knocks once on the door. No reply. He knocks a second time. No reply. Then a third knock. Finally the door opens and standing at the other side of the open doorway is the man himself – Epic.
Epic: Mr. Brown! Let me guess, you’re here for an interview? (As hank had opened his mouth to reply, Epic cuts him off) No need to answer that, because that’s all you’re useful for. I mean how many years have you been the loyal interviewer for WCF and still no promotion? (Again Hank had started to open his mouth to reply only to get cut off again) You don’t need to answer that either, because it clearly shows on that frown of yours. Its clear to myself and the rest of the world that what you’ve always wanted was to be out there right now at this very moment sitting beside Shannan Lerch doing commentary.
Hank: N… (this time he makes a small noise before getting cut off yet again)
Epic: No need to explain, you’re a one trick pony and when WCF v18 opens up you’ll be right there doing interviews! So lets not waste anymore of my time and get this son of a bitch done with.
….Awkward silence
Epic: Go ahead, now you can talk.
Hank: Ok. We…
Epic: What the hell man! What’s with this whole interview at the door thing? If I’m going to be wasting my time with you, than at least I want to be comfortable doing it.
With that Epic turns around and sits down on the nearest chair in the locker room. Hank takes the neighboring seat.
Hank: Ok. We’re here with the former world champ
Epic: The real champion!
Hank: We’re here with the champ, Epic. Before we get going I just want to say as a WCF employee and fan, that I am thrilled to see you back. You’ve been gone for quite sometime, over two years, and we’re all curious as to what you’ve been up to?
Epic: You know, this and that.
Hank: “this and that” as in?
Epic: The usual! Cigarettes, dope, mustard and bologna, liquor, and whores.
Hank: Excuse me? Are you kidding?
Epic: Hank of course I’m kidding. You should know that I’m more of a refined human being than that. I would never lower myself to eating bologna and mustard.
Hank: Uhh, dope? Whores?
Epic sits up straight in a more ‘serious’ looking posture.
Epic: Did you just see what happened out there tonight? Epic, Creeping Death, and Skyler Striker. Three champions wanting a piece of each other. This is big news Hank, and you’re here talking about whores? So do your job, ask the big questions. Or you can get the hell out of here.
Its now Hank’s turn to sit up into a more serious posture.
Hank: I’ll just go out and say it. Why’d you come back? And why now?
Epic: Now that’s a question worth answering. To be completely honest, I never expected to be here again. In the two-aught years I’ve been gone I’ve never given this place a second thought. I had what every single person here lives and dies for. I had money, bitches, fame, and most importantly the World Championship. I guess you can say that I jumped on my horse and rode triumphantly into the sunset. That was all fine and well, it was the perfect ending to an epic wrestling career. I thought for sure it was enough to solidify my status as an all time great. I won everything there was to win. I won all the big matches - War games, the war match - and I’ve won all the titles that a person can win up in this bitch! Do you understand me Hank? I was a legend! A God damn Legend!
Hank swallows deeply in fear as he senses that the man he is interviewing is straddling a razor thin edge of sanity and is getting closer and closer to going off that edge.
Epic: Don’t worry I’m not gone lose my cool on you. I’ve been building up a titanic sized ass kicking these past two years and I’m not about to unleash it on you. But it will be unleashed next week, and I don’t give a rat’s hairy ass who’s going to be on the receiving end of it.
Hank: Thanks.
Epic: As I was saying (takes a deep breath to regain his composure) I left this place with the knowledge that I had left a legacy. So I wasn’t upset when that bastard Seth Lerch never gave me the call.
(epic makes an imaginary phone with his hand and goes into his best Seth Lerch impression)
Epic (as Seth Lerch): Epic, my man! How goes it? I don’t know if you heard, but I’m giving WCF another try and I want you to be there. I need you to be there. I need you to carry us on your back and take us to greatness, because you’re the only man capable of doing it.
(back into epic mode)
Epic: I didn’t have any hard feelings that I didn’t get my invite for WCF v6. Besides it’s not like I needed Seth Lerch’s permission. If I damn well want to, I could have busted into this son of a bitch and continued on where I had left off. But I had my time in the sun and like I said, I already left behind my legacy. WCF v6 had nothing to offer me, there was no need for me to leave a life of luxury to accomplish what I had already accomplished - Greatness! However, in the last year or so it seems that everyone associated with WCF has experience some sort of memory loss. Because It has become very clear to me that you all forgot about me.
Hank: I never forgot and I’m sure the true fans will always remember you.
Epic: Quit blowing smoke up my ass! The point I’m getting at is that WCF management has failed to mention me and give me my due respect. My name is no longer spoken and I’m barely acknowledged in the WCF website. Basically my legacy has all but faded away and that shit just ain’t acceptable. I’m the measuring stick of greatness, I’m the man that all other wrestlers are supposed to measure up against. Not Logan, not Creeping Death, and sure as hell not Skyler Striker! So let it be known to all that I’m back and I’m reclaiming my legacy. Now if you don’t mind you can get your sorry ass out of my dressing room.
Hank doesn’t take the chance of angering the champ He stands up and scurries out the room without saying a word. The scene fades away with the image of Epic sitting in the chair, his old belt on a coffee table in front of him.
Hank: Hank Brown here, backstage at Sunday Slam. Where moments ago WCF great Epic just challenged current World Champ Skyler Striker to a title match. Hopefully we’ll be granted access to have the first interview with the former champ since his surprising return last week.
Hank knocks once on the door. No reply. He knocks a second time. No reply. Then a third knock. Finally the door opens and standing at the other side of the open doorway is the man himself – Epic.
Epic: Mr. Brown! Let me guess, you’re here for an interview? (As hank had opened his mouth to reply, Epic cuts him off) No need to answer that, because that’s all you’re useful for. I mean how many years have you been the loyal interviewer for WCF and still no promotion? (Again Hank had started to open his mouth to reply only to get cut off again) You don’t need to answer that either, because it clearly shows on that frown of yours. Its clear to myself and the rest of the world that what you’ve always wanted was to be out there right now at this very moment sitting beside Shannan Lerch doing commentary.
Hank: N… (this time he makes a small noise before getting cut off yet again)
Epic: No need to explain, you’re a one trick pony and when WCF v18 opens up you’ll be right there doing interviews! So lets not waste anymore of my time and get this son of a bitch done with.
….Awkward silence
Epic: Go ahead, now you can talk.
Hank: Ok. We…
Epic: What the hell man! What’s with this whole interview at the door thing? If I’m going to be wasting my time with you, than at least I want to be comfortable doing it.
With that Epic turns around and sits down on the nearest chair in the locker room. Hank takes the neighboring seat.
Hank: Ok. We’re here with the former world champ
Epic: The real champion!
Hank: We’re here with the champ, Epic. Before we get going I just want to say as a WCF employee and fan, that I am thrilled to see you back. You’ve been gone for quite sometime, over two years, and we’re all curious as to what you’ve been up to?
Epic: You know, this and that.
Hank: “this and that” as in?
Epic: The usual! Cigarettes, dope, mustard and bologna, liquor, and whores.
Hank: Excuse me? Are you kidding?
Epic: Hank of course I’m kidding. You should know that I’m more of a refined human being than that. I would never lower myself to eating bologna and mustard.
Hank: Uhh, dope? Whores?
Epic sits up straight in a more ‘serious’ looking posture.
Epic: Did you just see what happened out there tonight? Epic, Creeping Death, and Skyler Striker. Three champions wanting a piece of each other. This is big news Hank, and you’re here talking about whores? So do your job, ask the big questions. Or you can get the hell out of here.
Its now Hank’s turn to sit up into a more serious posture.
Hank: I’ll just go out and say it. Why’d you come back? And why now?
Epic: Now that’s a question worth answering. To be completely honest, I never expected to be here again. In the two-aught years I’ve been gone I’ve never given this place a second thought. I had what every single person here lives and dies for. I had money, bitches, fame, and most importantly the World Championship. I guess you can say that I jumped on my horse and rode triumphantly into the sunset. That was all fine and well, it was the perfect ending to an epic wrestling career. I thought for sure it was enough to solidify my status as an all time great. I won everything there was to win. I won all the big matches - War games, the war match - and I’ve won all the titles that a person can win up in this bitch! Do you understand me Hank? I was a legend! A God damn Legend!
Hank swallows deeply in fear as he senses that the man he is interviewing is straddling a razor thin edge of sanity and is getting closer and closer to going off that edge.
Epic: Don’t worry I’m not gone lose my cool on you. I’ve been building up a titanic sized ass kicking these past two years and I’m not about to unleash it on you. But it will be unleashed next week, and I don’t give a rat’s hairy ass who’s going to be on the receiving end of it.
Hank: Thanks.
Epic: As I was saying (takes a deep breath to regain his composure) I left this place with the knowledge that I had left a legacy. So I wasn’t upset when that bastard Seth Lerch never gave me the call.
(epic makes an imaginary phone with his hand and goes into his best Seth Lerch impression)
Epic (as Seth Lerch): Epic, my man! How goes it? I don’t know if you heard, but I’m giving WCF another try and I want you to be there. I need you to be there. I need you to carry us on your back and take us to greatness, because you’re the only man capable of doing it.
(back into epic mode)
Epic: I didn’t have any hard feelings that I didn’t get my invite for WCF v6. Besides it’s not like I needed Seth Lerch’s permission. If I damn well want to, I could have busted into this son of a bitch and continued on where I had left off. But I had my time in the sun and like I said, I already left behind my legacy. WCF v6 had nothing to offer me, there was no need for me to leave a life of luxury to accomplish what I had already accomplished - Greatness! However, in the last year or so it seems that everyone associated with WCF has experience some sort of memory loss. Because It has become very clear to me that you all forgot about me.
Hank: I never forgot and I’m sure the true fans will always remember you.
Epic: Quit blowing smoke up my ass! The point I’m getting at is that WCF management has failed to mention me and give me my due respect. My name is no longer spoken and I’m barely acknowledged in the WCF website. Basically my legacy has all but faded away and that shit just ain’t acceptable. I’m the measuring stick of greatness, I’m the man that all other wrestlers are supposed to measure up against. Not Logan, not Creeping Death, and sure as hell not Skyler Striker! So let it be known to all that I’m back and I’m reclaiming my legacy. Now if you don’t mind you can get your sorry ass out of my dressing room.
Hank doesn’t take the chance of angering the champ He stands up and scurries out the room without saying a word. The scene fades away with the image of Epic sitting in the chair, his old belt on a coffee table in front of him.
