Post by Louis Bartkowski on Sept 28, 2014 14:28:27 GMT -5
Louis Bartkowski stands at the base of the statue of Liberty, American flag wrapped around him like a toga. AR 15, gripped firmly in his hands. Camera man Stu is sittin there thinking” what the fuck did I get myself into?” He always gets the crazy assignments, which happens to be all of them because hes WCFs only Camera man. They all either quit, die or have pending injunctions against the company for sexual assault. Stu would be among that group but when Jay Price wants you in the sack, it's easy to ride the storm out like a rain drop ripple in a puddle. What has his life come to? How did it get to this? All the years of faithful service and he has to stand infront of the Mid West Mad Man, in the rain while he wears an American flag over his naked body. Franticly Stu tries to remember that Union rep number local # 377.
Its too late. The pain train pulls out of the station.
Bartkowski: Listen up here! Pakastan-y, talaban-y. Does this look like a faces that fears? Do I look like man to be messed with? Naw, whats this right here? AR-15. This is death in a tube. Well, that and aerosol cheese. Equally American but this is more deadly. Add to that that its in the hands a fully trained American soilder. Thats right, Air Show certifiable- killer! Now what chu gonna do about that taliban?
Bartkowski does a half ass bicycle kick, and slips in the rain, almost falling on his ass but still looks enough like an ass to considerd one.
Bartkowski: Thats some TY Quan Du right there. O' YAH BAY-NAY! Git Sum! How do you like that!? This is WAR! Tis is America! WAR Thirteen cuz we been kickin your sandy butt holes for thirteen years! And now The Mid West Mad Man is ghunna hit you with sa'mor. You see this behind me. THIS is a real women. Lady Liberty. She ain't got no towels on her face. She might got a toga on but you know whats under there and it no lady camel parts. She is one hundred percent woman. You wana know why shes made of brass? Cuz it takes brass balls to be with her. She'll fuck you up five ways from sunday if you ain't careful and boys, let me tell you- you ain't careful.
The scene fades out and fades back to Bartkowski standing in front o the grand canyon. Stu thinks about jumping. He'd be dead before he hits the ground. HE has no next of kin, whose ginna miss him? We got ready to make his jump but Bartkowski started talking again, ruining his chances of a clean jump
Bartkowski: This right here is the grand kanyon. This is one of the most beautiful sights you could ever see? And you wana know something- you'll never see it.
Stu: They're seeing it now
Bartkowski: Well, you know. Outside of this right here. They'll never see it in person. You wana know why? Because they hate our freedom
Stu: That makes no sense.
Bartkowski: It doesnt have to make sense. Its patriotic.
Stu: Sure thing, Fox News.
Bartkowski: You don't go talkin shit about Fox News. Bill O' Reily will break his million dolla foot off in your two dolla bunghole. Did you hear that Taliban? Bill O'Reily will stick his million dolla foot up ya bunghole, just like he did to Stu here. Why? Because Stu hates freedom. Just like you hate freedom but this is WAR. In this Thirtheen year. Whats that mean for you? Whats that mean to me? It means amber waves of grain. It means sea to shining sea. It means doller stores on every street corner and McDonalds in every home. Where a man can go and cash his check at a pay day loan service and drown in dept like we drown you in bullets and bombs! OH YAH BAY-BAY! Louis Bartkowski is coming for you! Hes coming to win WAR! For Freedom! For Family! For the American way! Except for Brack Hussian Obama- He's from Kenya and I don't have time for the Kenyaneses to infect this country with socialist views and Ebola. The MidWest Pain Trains coming for ya. And its on a direct route to Cleveland Rock city!
Stu: WAR Thirteen is a match, its not a war, war. Its just a coincidence. we arnt fighting the taliban. Its WCF.
Bartkowski: What the sam hill is a W-C-F?
Its too late. The pain train pulls out of the station.
Bartkowski: Listen up here! Pakastan-y, talaban-y. Does this look like a faces that fears? Do I look like man to be messed with? Naw, whats this right here? AR-15. This is death in a tube. Well, that and aerosol cheese. Equally American but this is more deadly. Add to that that its in the hands a fully trained American soilder. Thats right, Air Show certifiable- killer! Now what chu gonna do about that taliban?
Bartkowski does a half ass bicycle kick, and slips in the rain, almost falling on his ass but still looks enough like an ass to considerd one.
Bartkowski: Thats some TY Quan Du right there. O' YAH BAY-NAY! Git Sum! How do you like that!? This is WAR! Tis is America! WAR Thirteen cuz we been kickin your sandy butt holes for thirteen years! And now The Mid West Mad Man is ghunna hit you with sa'mor. You see this behind me. THIS is a real women. Lady Liberty. She ain't got no towels on her face. She might got a toga on but you know whats under there and it no lady camel parts. She is one hundred percent woman. You wana know why shes made of brass? Cuz it takes brass balls to be with her. She'll fuck you up five ways from sunday if you ain't careful and boys, let me tell you- you ain't careful.
The scene fades out and fades back to Bartkowski standing in front o the grand canyon. Stu thinks about jumping. He'd be dead before he hits the ground. HE has no next of kin, whose ginna miss him? We got ready to make his jump but Bartkowski started talking again, ruining his chances of a clean jump
Bartkowski: This right here is the grand kanyon. This is one of the most beautiful sights you could ever see? And you wana know something- you'll never see it.
Stu: They're seeing it now
Bartkowski: Well, you know. Outside of this right here. They'll never see it in person. You wana know why? Because they hate our freedom
Stu: That makes no sense.
Bartkowski: It doesnt have to make sense. Its patriotic.
Stu: Sure thing, Fox News.
Bartkowski: You don't go talkin shit about Fox News. Bill O' Reily will break his million dolla foot off in your two dolla bunghole. Did you hear that Taliban? Bill O'Reily will stick his million dolla foot up ya bunghole, just like he did to Stu here. Why? Because Stu hates freedom. Just like you hate freedom but this is WAR. In this Thirtheen year. Whats that mean for you? Whats that mean to me? It means amber waves of grain. It means sea to shining sea. It means doller stores on every street corner and McDonalds in every home. Where a man can go and cash his check at a pay day loan service and drown in dept like we drown you in bullets and bombs! OH YAH BAY-BAY! Louis Bartkowski is coming for you! Hes coming to win WAR! For Freedom! For Family! For the American way! Except for Brack Hussian Obama- He's from Kenya and I don't have time for the Kenyaneses to infect this country with socialist views and Ebola. The MidWest Pain Trains coming for ya. And its on a direct route to Cleveland Rock city!
Stu: WAR Thirteen is a match, its not a war, war. Its just a coincidence. we arnt fighting the taliban. Its WCF.
Bartkowski: What the sam hill is a W-C-F?
