Post by Jeff Purse on Sept 27, 2014 21:03:42 GMT -5
Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.
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The scene opens up to a very large church located in the middle of a very large city. The city however, not important. Seriously get over it and lets move on, ok? Ok. Anyway, the church is gigantic. It has a large Crucifix on the very top tower, where the bells are ring-a-ling-a-linging. Mass is about to start. People file in up the stone steps and in through the giant wooden doors. The camera pans over to the sign in the front of church, reading, "Guest Sermon by Father Terry Andrews."
The camera makes its way through giant threshold into the big vestibule. There is a red carpet that extends from the vestibule, in through the main area of the church, and then up to the alter, where it spreads into a large circle, encasing the entire stage of the church. The sound of the organ bleating in the background and parishioners mumbling through the opening song of Hallelujah. Standing at a wooden podium with a small black microphone sitting on it is Father Terry Andrews, the Puppet Priest. He is dressed in long white vestments...well...long for a puppet.
The last few chords of the song are pounded out by the old widowed organ player. She spins on the bench, a small table sits there and she rests her head on it. She has been doing this far too long. The parishioners all finish their singing and sit down on the hard wooden pews. Soon enough they will have to kneel, the one thing the older members of the church never look forward too. Father Terry Andrews puts his puppet hands up to silence the few who are talking, and they do become silent.
Father Terry Andrews: Ladies and gentleman of the congress of the church...brothers and sisters, as you may or may not know I am Father Terry Andrews, asked here today to this illustrious church to give you people the sermon of a lifetime. So I have, of course, obliged to show up here and give you people the help that you need to save your souls.
A few of the members applaud.
Father Terry Andrews: Thank you, thank you. Of course I do not deserve such admiration. Though, I very much appreciate it. My sermon today will be on War, and the implications of War. War is defined as a state of armed conflict between different nations or states or different groups within a nation or state. However, I believe we all know that this isn't the only definition of the word that we all understand. Sure, that is what the word War means in its most basic form. But there are other forms of war that don't involve armed conflict at all. Such as the inner war that pops up for all of us when the Devil tries to tempt us with sin. Or perhaps when we have a difficult decision to make, and we have an inner war trying to decide.
None of us have ever been a fan of War, or at least I hope that none of us have ever been a fan of War. It is usually, in its most basic form, a terrible, terrible tragedy. Many people usually loose their lives. It causes nothing but grief, strive, and turmoil. But any war, whether it be internal or external causes those same things. Grief. Strive. Turmoil. But of course all of us know that sometimes it is a necessary evil. From Ecclesiastes chapter 3 versus one through fourteen..'For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing'.
During this reading Jeff Purse and Abaddon walk out through a door behind the alter. Jeff is wearing a long, white holy robe, and Abaddon is wearing his black shawl and robes. They are pushing carts with candles on them. Each of the candles has a name of a different WCF superstar participating in War. They roll the carts right up behind Father Terry Andrews, on either side of him.
Father Terry Andrews: Now as some of you may know, I have recently decided to take on the mission of ridding the sins of one of the most sinful companies in America today, that company being the WCF. A company full of heathens and degenerates. Fortunately, the good lord has given me the blessings of two very helpful disciples to help me with my task of cleansing the immorality of WCF. Walking along one day I ran into a man that had been completely taken over by the sins of this world. A killer. A destroyer. A man who was on the brink of insanity. Claming to be inhabited by the demon Abaddon, I met Michael Sturskin after he had admittedly killed his entire family. After a few years in my counseling, however, I have helped him to see the light. He has truly repented for his sins. Michael Sturskin is forgiven in my eyes but most importantly in the eyes of the lord. Abaddon, the demon who claimed to possess this man's body, after much talking, knows now that he is no demon, but an angel who works with the lord Jesus Christ to help rid this world of the vile when judgement day comes. He is the dark angel you see up here today.
And of course the other disciple in this war against morale ambiguity on the WCF, Jeffery Purse. The angel of light I met at St. Callahans where he was so wrongfully institutionalized by his whore of a doctor, Dr. Stella Montgomery. Parishioners, it is ok for me to use the term whore here today, because that woman is nothing but a whore. Anyway, poor Jeffery Purse never had a chance to defend himself against the men who came to his home and dragged him away. Now parishioners, why did this harlot have Jeffery Purse institutionalized? Because she thought it would be easier to have sexual relations with Jeffery's fiance, Kari Kendall. Of course, we all know what the bible says about homosexuality, but even to this day, Kari and Dr. Montgomery have not been heard or seen since that night that Jeffery was dragged away from his occupancy.
Jeff lets out a heavy sigh.
Father Terry Andrews: But I digress from the real reason why I have decided to come here and give a special guest sermon. War. War is the focus of todays sermon. The biggest war on the minds of any one that I am at least associated with now is that of the WCF event, War. Now, since Abaddon here is not legally allowed to compete in any physical events such as wrestling, and the man who has the most experience anyway inside the ring is my disciple Jeffrey Purse, he is entered into the event to try to win the salvation of all the superstars associated with it. So I have prepared a few words to help my disciple in his course of trying to overcome the tremendous odds against him. Jeffery, please if you will light the first candle.
Jeff strikes a match and lights the first candle, the one labeled Hyena.
Father Terry Andrews: We of course light this votive candle, because we pray for these men who are labeled by these candles. The first superstar that we are talking about today is Hyena. A man that my disciple Jeffery Purse knows very well, though Hyena may not know Jeffery as well as Jeffery knows him. As we all know, Jeffery Purse got his wrestling start in a company that went belly up, ACW. When Jeffery came on to the roster, Hyena sat atop the roster as the ACW champion. ACW was Hyena's playground, and ACW failed. The company that he sat atop the throne came tumbling down. Meanwhile, Jeffery joined WCF, and made that his playground. Jeffery has made strides here in WCF that Hyena couldn't even begin to dream of. The cup runneth over with success and charisma that Jeffery has shown since arriving here in the WCF. The cup runneth a quarter of the way full with the failures and disappointments of Hyena.
Jeffery continues to prove that he is the best competitor to come from that company. Is it not obvious that they failed? Bad business ethics. They depended on people like Hyena to carry their company. While they let the real talent take the low and midcard, that talent being my disciple Jeffery Purse. They failed. Just as Hyena will fail to win War. Jeffery has to win, it is a necessity for him to win. Without this win, my plans for salvation get set back and I will not let that happen. Hyena is a man who wants to prove that he is 'dangerous' and 'an animal'. Hyena has fallen into the wrestling trap that is set for anyone with no creativity. Instead of being smart, witty, or insightful, he just tries to be a brute. But rough, brute behavior is not going to get you anywhere in this one Hyena. Having stamina, being fast, being able to adjust is a few of the qualities the winner will have to posses, all qualities Jeffery Purse has.
Now if we can all bow our heads in prayer.
The parishioners do bow their heads and clasp their hands together. Jeff follows suit. Abaddon just stands there looking menacing.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear God, hear our prayer for the fallen WCF superstar Hyena. For he does not realize exactly how terrible he is as a wrestler, he doesn't realize that this is not his calling. Please help him see his salvation, help him come to the understanding for the need to repent, and help him find a career better suited for his abilities...like being a butcher.
The parishioners look up, as does Jeff. Abaddon looks like he wants to kill someone, but instead he just lights the next candle, labeled, Jay Omega.
Father Terry Andrews: Jay Omega. A man who is 6 feet 1 inch, a man who weighs in at 226 pounds. He is a man who is from Toronto, Canada. That is almost about all I know about Mr. Omega. Now you may be out there saying Father Andrews, shouldn't you have done a little more research on this man if you were going to publicly talk about him and his career, and why he will lose to Jeffery Purse. I will admit that in most cases, researching the man you are about to face is a good idea, however, in this case, I didn't bother, and neither did Jeffery. I told him not to. Because Mr. Omega is not a blip on our radar. In fact all I really know about Mr. Omega in the ring is that he tries to have a similar style as my disciple Jeffery Purse. But if you were to actually rate their talents you would find, I am sure, that Jeffery Purse is the much more skilled athelet. Why in fact, it would seem he is even following in Jeffery Purses footsteps. ACW. WCF. US Championship. A nice team that seems to have your back.
However, the poor man's Jeffery Purse cannot even come close to being able to accomplish the things that the real Jeffery Purse has accomplished. He left ACW, and instantly made a name for himself. He beat the best this business had to offer. He won a championship quickly. He took this company by storm. He is truely the real deal here in WCF. Mr. Omega has come close to acheiving that greatness, but he never really will. Thats not a cheap shot, no, I would never. Its just the truth. Nobody matches the charisma and stamina of my disciple Jeffery Purse. Not even some cheap imitation. Please, bow your head in prayer with me.
The same as before, they all bow their heads and clasp their hands together...except for Abaddon.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear Lord, please let Mr. Omega find his own way in this world. Help him find the courage to step up for his own salvation. Help him with his delusion about having his own identity.
They raise their heads. Jeff strikes another match, he lights the Johnny Reb candle. It takes Jeff a moment, but he looks up from it.
Father Terry Andrews: It seems that Jeffery does have a little remorse lighting the candle for Mr. Reb. Its understandable. Mr. Reb was, after all, a dear friend of Jeffery Purses. Unfourtunetly Jeffery, the big heart that he has, does not fully understand yet that there are certain people in the WCF that we have to be at war with because of our principle. Mr. Reb is a class act sinner. He acts as though he is a 'good guy' but I assure you congress of the church and of course I assure you Jeffery he is not. He has tried time and time again to prove his excellence over our lord and savior Jesus Christ. Just look at that machine he invented. A time machine to upset the natural flow of time that the lord has given us.
I don't think I need to state the obvious here with Johnny Reb. Called into a group of elite superstars because he was at the end of his elite career. One of the more respectable guys on the roster at the time, now his time is up. Mr. Reb is no longer the man that he used to be, and, if I can be frank, he is barely a 'man' at all, in the sense of the word man. But since we have to call him a man, I will also say he is a very boring man. Nobody likes watching him anymore, oh sure, that old school style is still very good Mr. Reb, but thats not what anybody wants to see. They want to see Jeffery Purse helping to usher in the style of wrestling that is exciting and fun to watch. Now let us all bow our heads please...
They bow their heads.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear lord we pray that Mr. Johnny Reb has the intuition to come to the side of good, but we also pray that he realize that time travel is heathenish and instead of time travel he puts his brain to good use...like curing some kind of disease that you God, have so gracefully given us.
Heads raise. Abaddon leans over, strikes a match, and lights a candle labeled Shawn Scholes.
Father Terry Andrews: Unfortunately I do not know anything about Shawn Scholes, and while I am sure he is a lovely person, he is no serious threat to anyone. While I hate making judgments like this, because I am not one to pass a judgement upon anyone, but this young man is a young man I think that everyone here and in the WCF can agree just doesn't belong, and so I will not talk about him any further, as he is not going to do any damage to anyone at anytime. Congress, please bow your heads in prayer.
They bow their heads.
Father Terry Andrews: God Almighty, please hear our prayers. Please help Shawn Scholes find anything at all besides being himself, because being himself is one of the biggest sins I have ever laid my eyes on.
Jeff raises his head after the prayer, strikes a match, and lights a candle labeled Bobby Cairo. Jeff shudders a bit.
Father Terry Andrews: That is correct Jeffery, the second biggest sinner there is in this company, Bobby Cairo. See, Mr. Cairo used to be one of if not the best that this company had ever seen. Mr. Cairo was even one of my disciple Jeffery Purses biggest inspirations when Jeffery first came to this here company. Of course, Mr. Cairo was the first manager of the legendary wrestling stable Pantheon. Many thought that it was that much better with the political candidate Bobby Cairo at the helm of that team. But we saw what happened. Mr. Cairo turned on the team. Mr. Cairo seems to turn on everyone that he ever associates with, yet people still seem to want to trust him, and call him one of the best.
In all honesty, if you ask me and since I am giving this guest sermon lets assume you did ask me, Mr. Cairo is nothing but a giant baby, just looking for a little love. Well, he will find no love with my disciple Jeffery Purse. It is the age of a new era in the WCF, and that era is not the Bobby Cairo era. It is the age of Jeffery Purse. It is the age of decency. It is the age of righteousness. Most of all, it is the age of The Faith, and Mr. Cairo is not a good representive to lead us into this new found era, Mr. Cairo is the one of those men who cannot be saved, and will lead you straight into the deepest, darkest depths of hell. Right where Mr. Cairo belongs. Parishoners let us bow our heads in prayer.
They bow, Abaddon looks like he is going to choke someone.
Father Terry Andrews: Gracious lord, we as that you watch over the people around Mr. Cairo, because he is the king of heathens and we know there is no chance for him to come to the side of the light, but help those around him not be tempted anymore into the darkness by the immoral Robert Cairo. Also, help him find a new place to reside other than 'poon guninea.'
They raise their heads from the prayer. A couple of the members of the church sniffle. Father Terry Andrews raises his arms, instructing people to stand and pick up their book of hymns. Abaddon lights the candle labeled Bryan Worthy.
Father Terry Andrews: Please join me parish in the singing of this song which has been slightly modified. Ahem.
The organ starts up and Father Terry Andrews leads everyone, even Abaddon, in the song...
Everyone In The Church: Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
He’s Terrible!
The worst wrestler!
He’s no Savior!
He is Bryan Worthy!
He is Bryan Worthy!
He is Bryan Worthy!
Jeff will Beat Him!
Jeff will Beat Him!
Jeff will Beat Him!
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
The organ player pounds out the last few notes of the song, finishes and seems very exhausted. She spins around on her bench, returning her head to her small table. The people of the parish all kneel on the kneel rest things.
Father Terry Andrews: And the lord spoke to me last night parishioners. He said to me, "Terry, you are my son. You are a true warrior of the good word. Bryan Worthy however is the furthest thing from that. For he sins in one of the worst forms, and that is the form of vanity and the form of spewing gossip into this world. He must be stopped,' God said to me, through very earnest eyes, "It is not ok for him to keep existing with the type of behavior he displays every day of his life. And Terry," God said, before turning to leave me, "Terry, your disciple and mine, Jeffery Purse, is the perfect man to do it. Good luck out there Terry, and keep preaching the good word." Right before my eyes, as quickly as he was there, God Almighty was gone, and left me with this message that I now relate to all of you. Let us bow our heads in prayer...
They do.
Father Terry Andrews: Lord, please hear our prayer and help Mr. Worthy find a more Worthy way to spend his time other than telling people everyone's business. Thank you.
Jeff strikes another match, as does Abaddon. Jeff lights the Tyler Walker candle and Abaddon lights the Biohazard candle.
Father Terry Andrews: A reading from the book of Sirach.When one finds a faithful friend, His value is far beyond gold. He is clothed with strength and dignity, and he laughs at the days to come. A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; He who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, No sum can balance his worth. Let your acquaintances be many, But one in a thousand your faithful friend. For he who loves his friends behaves accordingly, and his friends will be like himself. The Word of the Lord.
Remember this reading when you go into War, Mr. Walker and Mr...Hazard. Friendship is one of the most dear things in this world. And although I do not approve of your friendship as it were before Jonathon Fly came along, you two had each other and that was good enough for your ways. Of course, you are sinners, but thats ok, because Heaven can do without you two. But I urge you to either be friends in this match and both have a chance to beat at least one person, or don't be friends, and get eliminated at the same time by my disciple Jeffery Purse. Either way, one thing is clear, there is no way either of you two are winning this match. WCF is not a place for mutants and space werewolves or whatever it is you two men happen to be. Please, join me in prayer...
Everyone bows their heads, still kneeling, in prayer.
Father Terry Andrews: Lord, please send these two directly to hell. Thank you, from all of us.
They raise their heads. Jeff and Abaddon both strike a match. They light these candles, in this order: The Ultimate Destroyer, Louis Bartkowski, Jahani al-Reb, Tobias Barnz, and Isaac Salinger. At this point Father Terry Andrews raises his hands again, inviting all the members to stand.
Father Terry Andrews: Members please join hands as we pray for these five men. Dear lord, it is not fair to put these five men in this match. Because out of all of the superstars that are fighting in this war, these five are the ones that are going to loose faster than Mick Jagger commits sin when he wakes up in the morning. And believe me friends, that is quite quick. Why these five though, you ask, Lord? Because these five men are the five men that I believe to be the weakest and the ones with absolutely no hope whatsoever. But I will make this clear to all five of them. That if they are looking for salvation, they need look no further. For I am the connection with you, lord, to help these men who have lost their way back on track. Well, all of them except for Jahani al-Reb. I don't know whats going on there but you can go be with your seven virgins, just stay out of our Heaven. Anyway, Lord, hear our prayer.
Jeff strikes a match and lights the Zombie McMorris candle.
Father Terry Andrews: Ah yes, Mr. McMorris. Another one of the top sinners in this company. A man who is, in my very humble opinion, past the line of salvation. He could, if he really wanted to, be saved by my divine intervention, however a man such as Zombie McMorris has no want for retribution and forgiveness. And according to my disciple Jeffery Purse, he is ok with this, as Mr. McMorris isn't aware of what a shower is, or what the spiritual and social benefits of good hygeine are.
It is for that reason that my disciple Jeffery Purse is going to avoid Mr. McMorris at all costs in this match. Not because he is afraid of Mr. McMorris's strength, or power, or he is intimidated by his skills. No, on the contrary, Jeffery Purse will, at no cost, want to soil himself with Mr. McMorris's disgusting skin and hair. Jeffery Purse is much more skilled than Mr. McMorris anyway, and Mr. McMorris might as well just lay down and let one of the BioWalker boys eliminate him from this match, to save him the trouble of looking bad. Anyway, let us bow our heads in prayer, congress of the church.
All of them bow their heads, Abaddon gets ready to light his next candle by strking his match early.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear Lord we only ask of you one thing, and one thing only, please help Mr. McMorris find a shower and a bar of soap and some deep cleaning shampoo. We all would appreciate that.
Abaddon lights the Livewire candle, Jeff the Deuce Murdock candle, Abaddon the Kazy Mazy candle, Jeff the Daniel Booker candle, Abaddon the Gluttony candle, Jeff the Night Rider candle, and Abaddon the Cormack Macneill candle. Father Terry Andrews instructs the people that they can sit down now.
Father Terry Andrews: Next we will discuss the seven, thats right seven deadly sins. Because, after all they are deadly. First of all is Livewire, or Pride. Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity. Livewire, while I don't know much about him, brags about his abilities when really, they aren't really that up to snuff. Jeffery Purse need not brag, he lets his actions speak louder than words. And that is what is important.
Envy is the next deadly sin, and is described as the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Obviously, Kazy Mazy falls into this one. I mean, everyone is a little jealous of Jeffery Purses abilities on the mic and in the ring, however the one time I have even passed Kazy Mazy in the hall it was clear to me that envied Jeffery more than the average perosn should. Salvation, Mr. Mazy, salvation is what you should seek, not skills you do not possess.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. A deadly sin that describes a young Mr. Justin Cash so adequetly. Why is that, do you ask? Because Mr. Cash so desires to win this match, so much that he actually thinks that he is going to. Winning this match for Mr. Cash would be consuming more than a life long low card man like him requires. However, he can and will fix this about himself when my disciple Jeffery Purse. Jeffery Purse is one of the only, if not the only man in this match who deserves this win, and requires it as well.
Next we speak of Deuce Murdock, and lust. Why did I decided to pair this man and this sin together? Easy. Deuce Murdock can only lust after those things that he does not have, like Jeffery Purses speed. Or Jeffery Purse's charisma. Or his fire to win and be the best at this sport. But he also lusts after a shot at the WCF title, something that all men in this match do. Everyone except for Jeffery, who just wants to save the WCF from having its own destruction because of sin.
Daniel Booker is next and he represents the sin of Anger. Anger my friends is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath. Daniel Booker, though new to the stage, has a little anger toward my disciple Jeffery Purse, and my other disciple Abaddon, for the attack that he so unfortunetly had to suffer. I warned him to leave the ring, because Jonathon Fly had to take what was coming to him, but he did not. The anger that Daniel Booker is storing toward Jeffery however will ultimetly be his downfall. It will cause him to miss a step, at which point my disciple WILL take advantage of him and eliminate him from this match.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness. Night Rider. A man who Jeffery Purse is very close to. A man who my disciple won the WCF tag team championships with. A man that Jeffery was forced to get along with, and after that created a very real friendship. That friendship still runs true today. However, Mr. Rider desires more than he is worth in material. He demands it really. Greed, its an awful, awful color on you Mr. Rider. Come to the side of the light, of the salvation, of the Faith.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work. Cormack MacNeill is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work. Plain and simple. He is fat. He has no sense of righteousness. He brags about losing matches. He is one of the biggest things wrong with the WCF, yet no matter what, he keeps coming back trying and trying and trying. Jeffery Purse put him in his place once, and instead of accepting that, Mr. MacNeill continued to talk about how much better he was than Jeffery. He never put in the work. He will never succeed. And now, please bow your heads and pray with me members of the congress.
Everyone bows their heads.
Father Terry Andrews: Please Lord hear our prayers, for these seven men know not what they do. They don't know that they are actually worse than they actually think. However good or bad they may be, lord, please let them see the light and let them have the strength and the courage to repent for the wicked ways in which they commit each and every one of these seven deadly sins. Please, disciples, light the next candle.
Jeff reaches over, grabs the matchbox, takes one out and strikes it. He lights the next candle in the lineup, Doc Henry.
Father Terry Andrews: Oh yes, Mr. Henry. What is there to say about Mr. Henry. The first match that my disciple Jeffery Purse was ever in with Mr. Henry, it was a title match for the WCF tag team championships. During that match Mr. Henry betrayed his partner Johnny Reb, not only his partner but his long, LONG time friend. Then we saw Mr. Henry have the same luck with other partners, like that devil Synn. However, Doc Henry has seemed to come to believe that because of this deception against Mr. Reb, that he has some sort of skill or power. That he can actually come out a winner in this match, or any match. However, Doc Henry still rings true to this day to the 'Jobber Triple Crown Champion" that the heathen Corey Black bestowed upon him a few years ago.
So why are we talking about Doc Henry. Because Jeffery Purse is going to walk into War, he is going on this holy mission to eliminate any heathen who stands in his way, and win this entire thing. Doc Henry, a man who I have not seen in quite a while, is entering this match with the hopes of winning, and that to me is the biggest joke I have ever heard parishioners. I am not known as a funny man, friends, but I do have this joke prepared. Why did Doc Henry cross the road? To get away from losing War to Jeffery Purse. .....Like I said I am not a funny man and with that, let us bow our heads.
Dear lord, please help Doc Henry come to the light and give up his sinful ways, and make amends with his friend Mr. Reb, and please give him the strength to understand that he is and will never be a good wrestler. Thank you lord.
Now friends, Brother Abaddon will recite a passage while Jeffery and I prepare the communion. Brother Abaddon.
Abaddon comes up to the podium as Jeff and Father Terry Andrews go back to the alter. Watching a puppet seem to move on its own is awkward for all involved.
Abaddon: Alex Richardi est summa gulae . Magnus pinguis guy est non minus quam ad temperare sibi luctandi circa anulus colaphizet . Cum esset in ultimo agone Jeff Jeff tristis particeps obtinuit optimum crumenam. Sed hoc erit tempus . Jeff quam semper intentus est , et multo magis , qui umquam se . Alex immolarentur Richardi ultimam animae cum Jeff est cum eo. Jeff aequabiliter causa instituta est , ut quaedam ab domo traherentur communis deficiunt. Alex Richardi sin bonum agis , te videre lumen, et in omne nefas desinas WCF exemplum . Si inveni gratiam in via ad infernum, placet , quia sic semper esset bene scio vos Satanas duos pedes , digitos famulo sulphur aeterno donum . Exaudi , domine , quaesumus, ut des Satan Alex digito impulsi domare Tabescet Induet in profundum inferni , ut Alex .
Captions appear at the bottom of the screen, translating the latin that Abaddon is speaking. It says 'Alex Richards is the epitome of gluttony. He is a big fat guy who doesn't know how to control himself around a buffet let alone a wrestling ring. The last match he was in with Jeff, he sadly got the best of my partner Jeff Purse. However, this time will be different. Jeff is more focused than he has ever been, and he is more determined than he has ever been. Alex Richards soul will be sacrificed to the depths of the underworld when Jeff is done with him. He is the reason Jeff was wrongfully institutionalized, dragged away from his home like some common degenerate. Alex Richards, if you know whats good for you, you will see the light, and stop being the example of everything that is wrong in the WCF. Unless you decide that you really are on the highway to hell, because I am sure that Satan would be ever so happy to have you sitting at his feet, giving his brimstone toes a rub for all eternity. Dear lord, we pray that you give Alex the finger strength to control the pressure that Satan himself will put on Alex as he rots away in the depths of hell.'
Abaddon steps away from the podium, and grabs the goblet of wine set out for him. Jeff grabs the communion. They both stand in front of the alter as the parishioners line up to recieve it. Father Terry Andrews returns to the podium.
Father Terry Andrews: Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peace-ma-kers, for they shall be called child-ren of God. Blessed are they who are per-se-cu-ted for the sake of right-eous-ness, for theirs is the King-dom of Heav-en.
And now congregation of the church, I will take you through the the ten men who will hold a challenge for Jeffery Purse at War, while you receive communion. They are, in order, from the least biggest threat to the biggest...Steeltoe Joe, Chelsea Armstrong, Gravedigger, Jayson Price, John Gable, Steve Orbit, Torture, Corey Black, Jonny Fly, and of course, Jeff Purse. I will explain that later. But first we discuss a member of the good graces of God, Steeltoe Joe.
Mr. Joe claims to be of the brotherhood, however I believe his actions speak louder than these claims. Sure, he may be a pastor, the 'peoples pastor', the 'Holy Flame', but if you look into it further, you will see that Mr. Joe is nothing but a liar. And I am sure that Mr. Joe can tell you better than every one that that is a sin. So Mr. Joe is trying to make WCF a better place, trying to rid this company of sin, but he is a sinner himself? I wonder if Mr. Joe has ever sought forgiveness for the sins that he commits every day. I know I do. I know Jeffery does. I know Abaddon does. If Mr. Joe would like, I would even offer to listen to him and help him achieve the forgiveness that he should seek out. But other than his lying, he also doesn't not speak as eloquently as a pastor should. He is quick to fly off the handle. He has a temper. He lets his person feelings come before the church and in my eyes members of the congregation, that in and of it self is the worst sin that he could commit.
I don't believe Mr. Joe and Jeffery have ever met in the ring one and one, but I do know that they have met in the ring, not only in big matches such as this but also in tag team matches in which Jeffery has won. Why is that you may ask? Well I will explain that to you. First of all Steeltoe Joe tried to align himself with people who he thought could better his career, as did Jeffery. Steeltoe Joe choose people like Tek, Sarah Twilight, and of course, Eric Price. Three people who, when aligned, were worse than when they were on their own. Three men who could only do damage to ones career. Where Jeffery chose Jonathon Fly, Cornelius Black, and Polar Phantasm, three men who could only help a young athlete better his career. I believe that is the only reason I have to choose, though there are many, to explain when Jeffery will triumph over Mr. Joe. The pure fact that Jeffery is just that much smarter than Mr. Joe is enough to show that Jeffery has the wits to outlast Mr. Joe, and ultimatly defeat him. Now, please bow your heads and pray with me.
They do. Jeff does too. Abaddon looks murderous to say the least.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear lord we pray that Steeltoe Joe will find his way to you truthfully and honestly. We also pray that he will stop aligning himself with men who try to disguise themselves as women. Amen
Everyone: Amen.
Because Jeff lit the Steeltoe Joe candle, Abaddon lights the Chelsea Armstrong candle.
Father Terry Andrews: Chelsea Armstrong is a person that Jeffery himself said was going to be a star here in the WCF. He said she had to most potential out all the newcomers to the WCF, and its good to hear that that is still holding true. She has proven herself as an effective Peoples Champion, holding it for a while and showing that she is nobody to be taken lightly. Jeffery has confided in me that he has had noting but the upmost respect for her. That is, until recently, when I contacted her to offer her a chance at salvation and Jeffery and I learned that she is very, very, rude. Also that she is a harlott, letting all those men into her little group, and we all know, because of the reactions that all of her 'friends' had, I would say she is more than just friends to them. And Chelsea, that is a terrible thing for a young woman such as you. A whore if I ever seen one.
Jeffery Purse is a moral, kind hearted young man. People used to say he was the conscience of Pantheon. With immoral friends such as the men who were in that group, I don't think we could blame Jeffery for his actions in Pantheon. Anyway, no matter who he was with or the peer pressure they put him through, Jeffery has always stuck true to who he was as a person, while Chelsea came to the WCF a nice girl, who maybe made some mistakes...but she had respect and she was kind. Now, Chelsea has let her enviroment and her friends pressure her into becoming a satanic harlott. Well Ms. Armstrong I gave you a chance at salvation and you laughed at me. Now Jeffery will have to show you the only type of salvation you are due, and that is to destroy you. Please join me in prayer. Dear Lord and Savior, we pray that Chelsea understand that her 'poop does indeed stink.' We pray that she stop her sexual immorality with every body who finds a blue haired woman attractive. And finally Lord, we pray that you give Ms. Armstrong the strength to get past the sins of her past, and join you and us in our path to salvation.
Abaddon strikes a match and lights the Gravedigger candle. Jeff smirks a bit.
Father Terry Andrews: First let me start off by saying Mr. Gravedigger, you disgust me sir! Your name alone is deplorable. You actually inspire people to walk through sacred places at night and dig up the bodies of those trying to rest in peace. Not only do you influence that type of behavior, but you say you are the leader of a very feared street gang. Which is a terrible way to be, Mr. Gravedigger. Gang life is a life that needs to be cut out of this world. There is no decency in those types of settings. Gravedigger you are also guitly of the sin of not understanding when enough is enough. How many times must you be humiliated in front of one hundred thousand plus people, plus millions watching on television, before you understand that it is time for you to retire and stay retired? Gravedigger how many more superstars have to fear your old man bowels failing you in the middle of the ring, and having to deal with a geriatric who has an adult diaper full of Satan's hot mess? I am very sad for you Mr. Gravedigger, constantly trying to relive your past. You should come to the side of the light, the side of the faith, and join us in our crusade through the WCF to turn people toward salvation and repentance.
But you will not. Why would you? The only one who is able to admit they were living their life wrong in this company is Jeffery Purse. And Mr. Gravedigger Jeffery is not going to bring up the match that he beat you in. No. But I am Mr. Gravedigger. I am going to bring that up because even though its been talked about a lot, it is still a very important part of Jeffery's history, and also yours, Mr. Gravedigger. Jeffery, members of the faith, has defeated Gravedigger one on one in the past. But Jeffery did not just win any old match. Jeffery defended his title against Mr. Gravedigger in a hardcore match. As we all know, that is Mr. Gravediggers bread and butter match. He suffered a loss to Jeffery in a match that was tailor made for Mr. Gravedigger to win. So yes that will get brought up Mr. Gravedigger because it not only shows how truely pathetic you are, but it perfectly explains why Jeffery is going to win this match. He was better than you during that time, and he is better than you now, Mr. Gravedigger. Please lower your heads in prayer with me.
They do. Jeff is still smirking. He has always been proud of this moment. Beating Gravedigger at his own match.
Father Terry Andrews. Dear Lord we pray that you give Gravedigger the luxury of being able to control his rectal sphincter and not release that disgusting chum all over the ring at War. We as that he learn that Jeffery will always be better than him, and help him to accept that and move on.
Now if you will please rise and join me in this hymn about sinners, which we have adjusted a bit to be about one of the biggest sinners in the WCF, Jayson Price.
The organ picks up as everyone stands and picks up their hymnal.
Father Terry Andrews and everyone: Come, ye Jayson, poor and wretched,
Weak and wounded, no talent hack;
Jesus ready waits to save you,
Full of pity, love and pow’r:
He is able, He is able,
Jayson Price has no pow'r himself
Come, ye needy, Jayson Price;
Instead of getting your own gimmick;
You try to mooch off of Jeff Purse;
Every grace that brings us nigh,
Without money, without money,
Come to Jesus Christ and buy
Let not conscience make you linger,
Jayson Price is very weak;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him:
This He gives you, this He gives you,
’Tis the Spirit’s rising beam
Come, ye weary, Jayson Price,
Lost and ruined by constant pin fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all:
Not the righteous, not the righteous,
Sinner Jayson Price
Agonizing in the garden,
Price is so lame he likes to garden;
On the bloody tree behold Him!
Hear Him cry, before He dies,
“It is finished!” “It is finished!”
Sinner, Jayson Price has not shot
Lo! th’ incarnate God, ascended,
Pleads the merit of His blood;
Venture on Him, venture wholly;
Jayson Price this is a fact:
you can try, you can try,
But you will never best Jeff at War.
Father Terry Andrews: Let us pray. Jesus God Almighty, we pray that you give Jayson Price the strength to realize that he is no different than he was before when he was a 'clone' and that he will never succeed professionally when he is who he is. Please give him the relization that he is nothing but a locker room joke, and he will never be anything but a locker room joke. Please give him the understanding that he is on the same level as that, of Mr. Adam Young.
And now members join hands as we say the Our Father prayer. However, follow along in your head, as I have changed it a bit to make it apply to Jonathon Gable as well.
"Our father, who art in heaven, why can't John Gable wrestle? Thy kingdom should have helped him realize his potential, on earth and in all of heaven. Give us some stregnth to sit through his boring matches, and forgive him for botching every move he does, as he forgives those who botch against him. And lead him not into false hope of winning War, but deliver him from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, and John Gable deserves none. Amen."
Everyone: Amen.
Jeff is in charge of lighting the next candle. Marked Steve Orbit.
Father Terry Andrews: Now I know I don't have to explain to anyone why Steven Orbit is a sinner. The, as he puts it, 'pimping'. The countless prostitutes. The drug abuse. The swearing. The senseless violence. The setting back of the African American culture twenty years. The way he doesn't care about anything or anybody but himself. He turned on his friends for a team that is just as morally unethical as Pantheon. Seven Oribit is out of control. He has very little chance left for salvation, and if he wants it, he needs to get on this train I like to call the confessional train, and confess his sins before God and recieve his forgiveness. However, friends, you will not see this man of God quickly trying to help Steven Orbit retreive his retribution.
But Steven Orbit has a fatal flaw that will ultimetly be his downfall in War. He is not loyal. Sure, his Vapor King buddies will probably be supporting him in War, but the time will come when Steve Orbit turns on his friends, as he is known to do. Pantheon, Walyon Cash, the team he was in with the manliest of all men Sarah Twilight. Steven Orbit has not been faithful, ever. Jeffery Purse has been faithful throughout, and just recently left his team of Pantheon for a more righteous course. Please, bow your heads...
Dear Lord, we pray that Steven Orbit understands that pimping actually is easy, and that he drops that life and goes to a more righteous one, and that he learns a little bit of loyalty.
Abaddon lights the next candle, Torture. A chill through the air.
Father Terry Andrews: Besides a name full of sin, and a reputation full of sin, I haven't much to say about this man. He has been a mysterious enigma ever since Jeffery joined the WCF. For some reason, he is always very supportive of Jeffery, well, not some reason, we all know its because Mr. Ture sees the potential in my disciple Jeffery. Mr. Ture is a man in WCF that every superstar wants to be, and a man that every superstar wants to beat. I wish Mr. Ture the best of luck in the War, even though he will fail at the hands of my disciple, Jeffery Purse. Please pray with me. Dear Lord, we all here hope Mr. Ture does decent in War, but that he will fall to the hands of Jeffery. Well, we know the last part is true. We also pray that he got my message I left him about his salvation.
And now I turn the microphone over to my disciple Jeffery Purse, so that he may discuss with you the chances of Jonathon Fly and Cornelius Black winning War.
Father Terry Andrews bounces away from the microphone as only a puppet can. Jeff steps up to the mic. The room grows silent, even more silent then a church. It seems everyone is interested in what Jeff has to say, I mean shoot, those were his two best friends for a long time.
Jeff Purse: For a long time after Pantheon was formed, Polar Phantasm would call me 'the best friend a wrestler could ever have.' I was the best man at his wedding. He left though. He didn't tell me where he went, and he abandoned me. I was a little hurt by that, having the childhood I had with a father who ran out on my family. I did, however, find comfort with the other men of Pantheon, especially Corey and Jonny. Not that I didn't like Jay, or...Jayson. But we never got on like Corey and Jonny and myself. With those two men, I not only got friendship, but I got two very wise, very talented, very helpful mentors. It was almost like I went from having no father to having two fathers. I know, it seems strange that I looked to those two men as father figures, but hell, or...I mean shoot, I was a lost soul looking for a real place to call home.
Corey was the hard side of the father. The one who would punish you for doing something wrong. Ground you for not cleaning your room...which is something I always did. He would tell you to walk it off if you got hurt, and actually inspired me when he said to me, multiple times, and forgive my language Lord, when he would say "Jeff, don't be a bitch." Heh. I don't know why that was a special thing to me, it was quite insulting. But it was like he cared enough to even say something. And Jonny, Jonny was the good side. The side that snuck you cookies before bedtime. The one who let you stay up late to watch the rest of your television show. The one who on the weekends took you to the movies and let you eat all the candy you wanted. The one who talked to you when you got bullied at school. Then one who helped your emotionally psyche understand that not everyone is going to like you, and make you ok with that.
Then...then Jonny lost faith in me. I know I was acting irrational. However, I don't know one person who could have blamed me. I had just been hit by a car, and the only person from my perspective it could have been was Eric Price. Instead of understanding that, Jonny took the "I am the owner and you need proof" road. Which would have been fine if he would have remembered that him and I were supposed to be friends. In his own special we were referred to as the inseparable duo. I trusted everything Jonny did...and he screwed me. He didn't even try to understand what I was going through, or try to help me through it. He took the road of the insensitive boss. Was I out of line? Yes. Was I wrong? Yes. Did I expect to much of him? Well, I suppose so. I just needed someone there for me. Thats why I let Sarah Twilight in. She was there. Jonny was not. And neither was Corey. Nobody was...except that man beast.
AND THEN, he sells the company to who? Eric Price. Well, if that isn't a big slap in my face, then I don't know what is. Jonny took the company, gave it to the devil himself, and gave me a big old middle finger. He has never, ever, EVER apologized for the way that he treated me then. But what about Corey? Corey, in the same respect, and even more so, should have given me an apology. Corey and I stayed in the same group throughout Fly's absence. And never once did he apologize for his actions toward me. He sided with Fly, he stayed in touch with Fly, and when he decided to rally the troops in Pantheon again, he left me a message. He didn't come see me, he couldn't even give me that respect....he left me a message. A message that I missed. A Pantheon reunion that I missed out on.
What happened then? Jonny Fly came out, and the boys of Pantheon, the audience, everyone accepted him back into their lives as though the, pardon my language, SHIT that he had pulled before he left was forgiven and ok without any sort of retribution. He was on top of the world again, and everyone was ok with it. The fans, people who had told me they would always love me and be there for me booed me when I delivered retribution to Jonny. But they cheered him when he came back, even after reading in magazines what Jonny had been up to. Do I feel bad that I might have been partially responsible for Jonny Fly slipping away into a slight depression, and conducting whatever vile acts he conducted. No. I don't. Because Jonny Fly ended our friendship long ago.
Since Corey Black follows Jonny Fly around like a lost puppy looking for a home, it shouldn't have surprised me that Corey ended our friendship as well. Well you know what you two? Im not even close to being done with you two. You guys think you can do whatever you want and get away with it. You think that you can just use people and that your actions have no repercussions. You think you can influence a young man who just needs someone in his life to help through everything and then throw him to the side because he might not agree with you one hundred percent, or he needs a little extra attention!
Jeff stops for a moment. A clear lump in his throat. Its clear that he has been waiting to say this for a while. His eyes are puddles, no tears pouring down his face, but they are close.
Jeff Purse: You two used me. Jonny saw a star that was on the rise and you took advantage of that. Corey jumped in and just helped Jonny continue to use me. And then when it wasn't convenient for you anymore, you thew me to the side like trash. Well you know what? Everyone else may have forgiven you...GOD himself may forgive you...but I never will. The other night on Slam was just the beginning of it for you two. War is going to just that much worse. Jonny...Corey...I am going to personally see to it that I am the one to eliminate both of you. Then, after I win War, the next week, I am going to walk down to that ring and continue to make life hell for both of you. Because you both deserve it. Because you both don't care about anyone but yourselves. You both are failures at life. And I am going to see to it that both of you realize it by the time you are forced into retirement because I have injured you so bad you can't feel any part of your fucking bodies anymore.
Father Terry Andrews comes up and jumps onto the mic.
Father Terry Andrews: Ok Jeffery, some powerful words, but you are getting a little ahead of yourself. Go take some time to relax child.
Jeff, still pissed about Jonny and Corey, turns and walks to a door, on his way he knocks over the cart of candles that he had been lighting. Abaddon rolls his eyes and begins trying to clean it up. Father Terry Andrews turns toward the men and women there for the mass.
Father Terry Andrews: The reason Jeffery is the biggest threat to Jeffery is because no matter what I try, the one part of that man I cannot break is his heart. He feels truly, truly betrayed by his former friends. I can't get him to forget, and I have yet to get him to forgive. Of course, I have been meeting with him three times a week to try to get him there, and eventually he will get there. But at War Jeff has the potential to let his emotions get the best of him, which can cost him the match. So friends, let us bow our heads, for one last prayer.
Dear God, we ask that you give Jeffery the strength to get over the pettiness of his past, and be able to focus on Sunday, so that he may bring the Rapture to the WCF, as is our plan from day one. Please give him the strength to outlast everyone. Please let him remember the fire he had when he won this match two years ago. Please help him make history. Thank you...Amen.
I will see you next time friends. Until then peace be with you, try to do a little better in your life, and remember to watch and support my disciple, Jeff Purse.
The last shot is a view of the parishioners getting up and leaving the big church. The scene fades to black.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The scene opens up to a very large church located in the middle of a very large city. The city however, not important. Seriously get over it and lets move on, ok? Ok. Anyway, the church is gigantic. It has a large Crucifix on the very top tower, where the bells are ring-a-ling-a-linging. Mass is about to start. People file in up the stone steps and in through the giant wooden doors. The camera pans over to the sign in the front of church, reading, "Guest Sermon by Father Terry Andrews."
The camera makes its way through giant threshold into the big vestibule. There is a red carpet that extends from the vestibule, in through the main area of the church, and then up to the alter, where it spreads into a large circle, encasing the entire stage of the church. The sound of the organ bleating in the background and parishioners mumbling through the opening song of Hallelujah. Standing at a wooden podium with a small black microphone sitting on it is Father Terry Andrews, the Puppet Priest. He is dressed in long white vestments...well...long for a puppet.
The last few chords of the song are pounded out by the old widowed organ player. She spins on the bench, a small table sits there and she rests her head on it. She has been doing this far too long. The parishioners all finish their singing and sit down on the hard wooden pews. Soon enough they will have to kneel, the one thing the older members of the church never look forward too. Father Terry Andrews puts his puppet hands up to silence the few who are talking, and they do become silent.
Father Terry Andrews: Ladies and gentleman of the congress of the church...brothers and sisters, as you may or may not know I am Father Terry Andrews, asked here today to this illustrious church to give you people the sermon of a lifetime. So I have, of course, obliged to show up here and give you people the help that you need to save your souls.
A few of the members applaud.
Father Terry Andrews: Thank you, thank you. Of course I do not deserve such admiration. Though, I very much appreciate it. My sermon today will be on War, and the implications of War. War is defined as a state of armed conflict between different nations or states or different groups within a nation or state. However, I believe we all know that this isn't the only definition of the word that we all understand. Sure, that is what the word War means in its most basic form. But there are other forms of war that don't involve armed conflict at all. Such as the inner war that pops up for all of us when the Devil tries to tempt us with sin. Or perhaps when we have a difficult decision to make, and we have an inner war trying to decide.
None of us have ever been a fan of War, or at least I hope that none of us have ever been a fan of War. It is usually, in its most basic form, a terrible, terrible tragedy. Many people usually loose their lives. It causes nothing but grief, strive, and turmoil. But any war, whether it be internal or external causes those same things. Grief. Strive. Turmoil. But of course all of us know that sometimes it is a necessary evil. From Ecclesiastes chapter 3 versus one through fourteen..'For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing'.
During this reading Jeff Purse and Abaddon walk out through a door behind the alter. Jeff is wearing a long, white holy robe, and Abaddon is wearing his black shawl and robes. They are pushing carts with candles on them. Each of the candles has a name of a different WCF superstar participating in War. They roll the carts right up behind Father Terry Andrews, on either side of him.
Father Terry Andrews: Now as some of you may know, I have recently decided to take on the mission of ridding the sins of one of the most sinful companies in America today, that company being the WCF. A company full of heathens and degenerates. Fortunately, the good lord has given me the blessings of two very helpful disciples to help me with my task of cleansing the immorality of WCF. Walking along one day I ran into a man that had been completely taken over by the sins of this world. A killer. A destroyer. A man who was on the brink of insanity. Claming to be inhabited by the demon Abaddon, I met Michael Sturskin after he had admittedly killed his entire family. After a few years in my counseling, however, I have helped him to see the light. He has truly repented for his sins. Michael Sturskin is forgiven in my eyes but most importantly in the eyes of the lord. Abaddon, the demon who claimed to possess this man's body, after much talking, knows now that he is no demon, but an angel who works with the lord Jesus Christ to help rid this world of the vile when judgement day comes. He is the dark angel you see up here today.
And of course the other disciple in this war against morale ambiguity on the WCF, Jeffery Purse. The angel of light I met at St. Callahans where he was so wrongfully institutionalized by his whore of a doctor, Dr. Stella Montgomery. Parishioners, it is ok for me to use the term whore here today, because that woman is nothing but a whore. Anyway, poor Jeffery Purse never had a chance to defend himself against the men who came to his home and dragged him away. Now parishioners, why did this harlot have Jeffery Purse institutionalized? Because she thought it would be easier to have sexual relations with Jeffery's fiance, Kari Kendall. Of course, we all know what the bible says about homosexuality, but even to this day, Kari and Dr. Montgomery have not been heard or seen since that night that Jeffery was dragged away from his occupancy.
Jeff lets out a heavy sigh.
Father Terry Andrews: But I digress from the real reason why I have decided to come here and give a special guest sermon. War. War is the focus of todays sermon. The biggest war on the minds of any one that I am at least associated with now is that of the WCF event, War. Now, since Abaddon here is not legally allowed to compete in any physical events such as wrestling, and the man who has the most experience anyway inside the ring is my disciple Jeffrey Purse, he is entered into the event to try to win the salvation of all the superstars associated with it. So I have prepared a few words to help my disciple in his course of trying to overcome the tremendous odds against him. Jeffery, please if you will light the first candle.
Jeff strikes a match and lights the first candle, the one labeled Hyena.
Father Terry Andrews: We of course light this votive candle, because we pray for these men who are labeled by these candles. The first superstar that we are talking about today is Hyena. A man that my disciple Jeffery Purse knows very well, though Hyena may not know Jeffery as well as Jeffery knows him. As we all know, Jeffery Purse got his wrestling start in a company that went belly up, ACW. When Jeffery came on to the roster, Hyena sat atop the roster as the ACW champion. ACW was Hyena's playground, and ACW failed. The company that he sat atop the throne came tumbling down. Meanwhile, Jeffery joined WCF, and made that his playground. Jeffery has made strides here in WCF that Hyena couldn't even begin to dream of. The cup runneth over with success and charisma that Jeffery has shown since arriving here in the WCF. The cup runneth a quarter of the way full with the failures and disappointments of Hyena.
Jeffery continues to prove that he is the best competitor to come from that company. Is it not obvious that they failed? Bad business ethics. They depended on people like Hyena to carry their company. While they let the real talent take the low and midcard, that talent being my disciple Jeffery Purse. They failed. Just as Hyena will fail to win War. Jeffery has to win, it is a necessity for him to win. Without this win, my plans for salvation get set back and I will not let that happen. Hyena is a man who wants to prove that he is 'dangerous' and 'an animal'. Hyena has fallen into the wrestling trap that is set for anyone with no creativity. Instead of being smart, witty, or insightful, he just tries to be a brute. But rough, brute behavior is not going to get you anywhere in this one Hyena. Having stamina, being fast, being able to adjust is a few of the qualities the winner will have to posses, all qualities Jeffery Purse has.
Now if we can all bow our heads in prayer.
The parishioners do bow their heads and clasp their hands together. Jeff follows suit. Abaddon just stands there looking menacing.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear God, hear our prayer for the fallen WCF superstar Hyena. For he does not realize exactly how terrible he is as a wrestler, he doesn't realize that this is not his calling. Please help him see his salvation, help him come to the understanding for the need to repent, and help him find a career better suited for his abilities...like being a butcher.
The parishioners look up, as does Jeff. Abaddon looks like he wants to kill someone, but instead he just lights the next candle, labeled, Jay Omega.
Father Terry Andrews: Jay Omega. A man who is 6 feet 1 inch, a man who weighs in at 226 pounds. He is a man who is from Toronto, Canada. That is almost about all I know about Mr. Omega. Now you may be out there saying Father Andrews, shouldn't you have done a little more research on this man if you were going to publicly talk about him and his career, and why he will lose to Jeffery Purse. I will admit that in most cases, researching the man you are about to face is a good idea, however, in this case, I didn't bother, and neither did Jeffery. I told him not to. Because Mr. Omega is not a blip on our radar. In fact all I really know about Mr. Omega in the ring is that he tries to have a similar style as my disciple Jeffery Purse. But if you were to actually rate their talents you would find, I am sure, that Jeffery Purse is the much more skilled athelet. Why in fact, it would seem he is even following in Jeffery Purses footsteps. ACW. WCF. US Championship. A nice team that seems to have your back.
However, the poor man's Jeffery Purse cannot even come close to being able to accomplish the things that the real Jeffery Purse has accomplished. He left ACW, and instantly made a name for himself. He beat the best this business had to offer. He won a championship quickly. He took this company by storm. He is truely the real deal here in WCF. Mr. Omega has come close to acheiving that greatness, but he never really will. Thats not a cheap shot, no, I would never. Its just the truth. Nobody matches the charisma and stamina of my disciple Jeffery Purse. Not even some cheap imitation. Please, bow your head in prayer with me.
The same as before, they all bow their heads and clasp their hands together...except for Abaddon.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear Lord, please let Mr. Omega find his own way in this world. Help him find the courage to step up for his own salvation. Help him with his delusion about having his own identity.
They raise their heads. Jeff strikes another match, he lights the Johnny Reb candle. It takes Jeff a moment, but he looks up from it.
Father Terry Andrews: It seems that Jeffery does have a little remorse lighting the candle for Mr. Reb. Its understandable. Mr. Reb was, after all, a dear friend of Jeffery Purses. Unfourtunetly Jeffery, the big heart that he has, does not fully understand yet that there are certain people in the WCF that we have to be at war with because of our principle. Mr. Reb is a class act sinner. He acts as though he is a 'good guy' but I assure you congress of the church and of course I assure you Jeffery he is not. He has tried time and time again to prove his excellence over our lord and savior Jesus Christ. Just look at that machine he invented. A time machine to upset the natural flow of time that the lord has given us.
I don't think I need to state the obvious here with Johnny Reb. Called into a group of elite superstars because he was at the end of his elite career. One of the more respectable guys on the roster at the time, now his time is up. Mr. Reb is no longer the man that he used to be, and, if I can be frank, he is barely a 'man' at all, in the sense of the word man. But since we have to call him a man, I will also say he is a very boring man. Nobody likes watching him anymore, oh sure, that old school style is still very good Mr. Reb, but thats not what anybody wants to see. They want to see Jeffery Purse helping to usher in the style of wrestling that is exciting and fun to watch. Now let us all bow our heads please...
They bow their heads.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear lord we pray that Mr. Johnny Reb has the intuition to come to the side of good, but we also pray that he realize that time travel is heathenish and instead of time travel he puts his brain to good use...like curing some kind of disease that you God, have so gracefully given us.
Heads raise. Abaddon leans over, strikes a match, and lights a candle labeled Shawn Scholes.
Father Terry Andrews: Unfortunately I do not know anything about Shawn Scholes, and while I am sure he is a lovely person, he is no serious threat to anyone. While I hate making judgments like this, because I am not one to pass a judgement upon anyone, but this young man is a young man I think that everyone here and in the WCF can agree just doesn't belong, and so I will not talk about him any further, as he is not going to do any damage to anyone at anytime. Congress, please bow your heads in prayer.
They bow their heads.
Father Terry Andrews: God Almighty, please hear our prayers. Please help Shawn Scholes find anything at all besides being himself, because being himself is one of the biggest sins I have ever laid my eyes on.
Jeff raises his head after the prayer, strikes a match, and lights a candle labeled Bobby Cairo. Jeff shudders a bit.
Father Terry Andrews: That is correct Jeffery, the second biggest sinner there is in this company, Bobby Cairo. See, Mr. Cairo used to be one of if not the best that this company had ever seen. Mr. Cairo was even one of my disciple Jeffery Purses biggest inspirations when Jeffery first came to this here company. Of course, Mr. Cairo was the first manager of the legendary wrestling stable Pantheon. Many thought that it was that much better with the political candidate Bobby Cairo at the helm of that team. But we saw what happened. Mr. Cairo turned on the team. Mr. Cairo seems to turn on everyone that he ever associates with, yet people still seem to want to trust him, and call him one of the best.
In all honesty, if you ask me and since I am giving this guest sermon lets assume you did ask me, Mr. Cairo is nothing but a giant baby, just looking for a little love. Well, he will find no love with my disciple Jeffery Purse. It is the age of a new era in the WCF, and that era is not the Bobby Cairo era. It is the age of Jeffery Purse. It is the age of decency. It is the age of righteousness. Most of all, it is the age of The Faith, and Mr. Cairo is not a good representive to lead us into this new found era, Mr. Cairo is the one of those men who cannot be saved, and will lead you straight into the deepest, darkest depths of hell. Right where Mr. Cairo belongs. Parishoners let us bow our heads in prayer.
They bow, Abaddon looks like he is going to choke someone.
Father Terry Andrews: Gracious lord, we as that you watch over the people around Mr. Cairo, because he is the king of heathens and we know there is no chance for him to come to the side of the light, but help those around him not be tempted anymore into the darkness by the immoral Robert Cairo. Also, help him find a new place to reside other than 'poon guninea.'
They raise their heads from the prayer. A couple of the members of the church sniffle. Father Terry Andrews raises his arms, instructing people to stand and pick up their book of hymns. Abaddon lights the candle labeled Bryan Worthy.
Father Terry Andrews: Please join me parish in the singing of this song which has been slightly modified. Ahem.
The organ starts up and Father Terry Andrews leads everyone, even Abaddon, in the song...
Everyone In The Church: Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
He’s Terrible!
The worst wrestler!
He’s no Savior!
He is Bryan Worthy!
He is Bryan Worthy!
He is Bryan Worthy!
Jeff will Beat Him!
Jeff will Beat Him!
Jeff will Beat Him!
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
The organ player pounds out the last few notes of the song, finishes and seems very exhausted. She spins around on her bench, returning her head to her small table. The people of the parish all kneel on the kneel rest things.
Father Terry Andrews: And the lord spoke to me last night parishioners. He said to me, "Terry, you are my son. You are a true warrior of the good word. Bryan Worthy however is the furthest thing from that. For he sins in one of the worst forms, and that is the form of vanity and the form of spewing gossip into this world. He must be stopped,' God said to me, through very earnest eyes, "It is not ok for him to keep existing with the type of behavior he displays every day of his life. And Terry," God said, before turning to leave me, "Terry, your disciple and mine, Jeffery Purse, is the perfect man to do it. Good luck out there Terry, and keep preaching the good word." Right before my eyes, as quickly as he was there, God Almighty was gone, and left me with this message that I now relate to all of you. Let us bow our heads in prayer...
They do.
Father Terry Andrews: Lord, please hear our prayer and help Mr. Worthy find a more Worthy way to spend his time other than telling people everyone's business. Thank you.
Jeff strikes another match, as does Abaddon. Jeff lights the Tyler Walker candle and Abaddon lights the Biohazard candle.
Father Terry Andrews: A reading from the book of Sirach.When one finds a faithful friend, His value is far beyond gold. He is clothed with strength and dignity, and he laughs at the days to come. A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; He who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, No sum can balance his worth. Let your acquaintances be many, But one in a thousand your faithful friend. For he who loves his friends behaves accordingly, and his friends will be like himself. The Word of the Lord.
Remember this reading when you go into War, Mr. Walker and Mr...Hazard. Friendship is one of the most dear things in this world. And although I do not approve of your friendship as it were before Jonathon Fly came along, you two had each other and that was good enough for your ways. Of course, you are sinners, but thats ok, because Heaven can do without you two. But I urge you to either be friends in this match and both have a chance to beat at least one person, or don't be friends, and get eliminated at the same time by my disciple Jeffery Purse. Either way, one thing is clear, there is no way either of you two are winning this match. WCF is not a place for mutants and space werewolves or whatever it is you two men happen to be. Please, join me in prayer...
Everyone bows their heads, still kneeling, in prayer.
Father Terry Andrews: Lord, please send these two directly to hell. Thank you, from all of us.
They raise their heads. Jeff and Abaddon both strike a match. They light these candles, in this order: The Ultimate Destroyer, Louis Bartkowski, Jahani al-Reb, Tobias Barnz, and Isaac Salinger. At this point Father Terry Andrews raises his hands again, inviting all the members to stand.
Father Terry Andrews: Members please join hands as we pray for these five men. Dear lord, it is not fair to put these five men in this match. Because out of all of the superstars that are fighting in this war, these five are the ones that are going to loose faster than Mick Jagger commits sin when he wakes up in the morning. And believe me friends, that is quite quick. Why these five though, you ask, Lord? Because these five men are the five men that I believe to be the weakest and the ones with absolutely no hope whatsoever. But I will make this clear to all five of them. That if they are looking for salvation, they need look no further. For I am the connection with you, lord, to help these men who have lost their way back on track. Well, all of them except for Jahani al-Reb. I don't know whats going on there but you can go be with your seven virgins, just stay out of our Heaven. Anyway, Lord, hear our prayer.
Jeff strikes a match and lights the Zombie McMorris candle.
Father Terry Andrews: Ah yes, Mr. McMorris. Another one of the top sinners in this company. A man who is, in my very humble opinion, past the line of salvation. He could, if he really wanted to, be saved by my divine intervention, however a man such as Zombie McMorris has no want for retribution and forgiveness. And according to my disciple Jeffery Purse, he is ok with this, as Mr. McMorris isn't aware of what a shower is, or what the spiritual and social benefits of good hygeine are.
It is for that reason that my disciple Jeffery Purse is going to avoid Mr. McMorris at all costs in this match. Not because he is afraid of Mr. McMorris's strength, or power, or he is intimidated by his skills. No, on the contrary, Jeffery Purse will, at no cost, want to soil himself with Mr. McMorris's disgusting skin and hair. Jeffery Purse is much more skilled than Mr. McMorris anyway, and Mr. McMorris might as well just lay down and let one of the BioWalker boys eliminate him from this match, to save him the trouble of looking bad. Anyway, let us bow our heads in prayer, congress of the church.
All of them bow their heads, Abaddon gets ready to light his next candle by strking his match early.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear Lord we only ask of you one thing, and one thing only, please help Mr. McMorris find a shower and a bar of soap and some deep cleaning shampoo. We all would appreciate that.
Abaddon lights the Livewire candle, Jeff the Deuce Murdock candle, Abaddon the Kazy Mazy candle, Jeff the Daniel Booker candle, Abaddon the Gluttony candle, Jeff the Night Rider candle, and Abaddon the Cormack Macneill candle. Father Terry Andrews instructs the people that they can sit down now.
Father Terry Andrews: Next we will discuss the seven, thats right seven deadly sins. Because, after all they are deadly. First of all is Livewire, or Pride. Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity. Livewire, while I don't know much about him, brags about his abilities when really, they aren't really that up to snuff. Jeffery Purse need not brag, he lets his actions speak louder than words. And that is what is important.
Envy is the next deadly sin, and is described as the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Obviously, Kazy Mazy falls into this one. I mean, everyone is a little jealous of Jeffery Purses abilities on the mic and in the ring, however the one time I have even passed Kazy Mazy in the hall it was clear to me that envied Jeffery more than the average perosn should. Salvation, Mr. Mazy, salvation is what you should seek, not skills you do not possess.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. A deadly sin that describes a young Mr. Justin Cash so adequetly. Why is that, do you ask? Because Mr. Cash so desires to win this match, so much that he actually thinks that he is going to. Winning this match for Mr. Cash would be consuming more than a life long low card man like him requires. However, he can and will fix this about himself when my disciple Jeffery Purse. Jeffery Purse is one of the only, if not the only man in this match who deserves this win, and requires it as well.
Next we speak of Deuce Murdock, and lust. Why did I decided to pair this man and this sin together? Easy. Deuce Murdock can only lust after those things that he does not have, like Jeffery Purses speed. Or Jeffery Purse's charisma. Or his fire to win and be the best at this sport. But he also lusts after a shot at the WCF title, something that all men in this match do. Everyone except for Jeffery, who just wants to save the WCF from having its own destruction because of sin.
Daniel Booker is next and he represents the sin of Anger. Anger my friends is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath. Daniel Booker, though new to the stage, has a little anger toward my disciple Jeffery Purse, and my other disciple Abaddon, for the attack that he so unfortunetly had to suffer. I warned him to leave the ring, because Jonathon Fly had to take what was coming to him, but he did not. The anger that Daniel Booker is storing toward Jeffery however will ultimetly be his downfall. It will cause him to miss a step, at which point my disciple WILL take advantage of him and eliminate him from this match.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness. Night Rider. A man who Jeffery Purse is very close to. A man who my disciple won the WCF tag team championships with. A man that Jeffery was forced to get along with, and after that created a very real friendship. That friendship still runs true today. However, Mr. Rider desires more than he is worth in material. He demands it really. Greed, its an awful, awful color on you Mr. Rider. Come to the side of the light, of the salvation, of the Faith.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work. Cormack MacNeill is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work. Plain and simple. He is fat. He has no sense of righteousness. He brags about losing matches. He is one of the biggest things wrong with the WCF, yet no matter what, he keeps coming back trying and trying and trying. Jeffery Purse put him in his place once, and instead of accepting that, Mr. MacNeill continued to talk about how much better he was than Jeffery. He never put in the work. He will never succeed. And now, please bow your heads and pray with me members of the congress.
Everyone bows their heads.
Father Terry Andrews: Please Lord hear our prayers, for these seven men know not what they do. They don't know that they are actually worse than they actually think. However good or bad they may be, lord, please let them see the light and let them have the strength and the courage to repent for the wicked ways in which they commit each and every one of these seven deadly sins. Please, disciples, light the next candle.
Jeff reaches over, grabs the matchbox, takes one out and strikes it. He lights the next candle in the lineup, Doc Henry.
Father Terry Andrews: Oh yes, Mr. Henry. What is there to say about Mr. Henry. The first match that my disciple Jeffery Purse was ever in with Mr. Henry, it was a title match for the WCF tag team championships. During that match Mr. Henry betrayed his partner Johnny Reb, not only his partner but his long, LONG time friend. Then we saw Mr. Henry have the same luck with other partners, like that devil Synn. However, Doc Henry has seemed to come to believe that because of this deception against Mr. Reb, that he has some sort of skill or power. That he can actually come out a winner in this match, or any match. However, Doc Henry still rings true to this day to the 'Jobber Triple Crown Champion" that the heathen Corey Black bestowed upon him a few years ago.
So why are we talking about Doc Henry. Because Jeffery Purse is going to walk into War, he is going on this holy mission to eliminate any heathen who stands in his way, and win this entire thing. Doc Henry, a man who I have not seen in quite a while, is entering this match with the hopes of winning, and that to me is the biggest joke I have ever heard parishioners. I am not known as a funny man, friends, but I do have this joke prepared. Why did Doc Henry cross the road? To get away from losing War to Jeffery Purse. .....Like I said I am not a funny man and with that, let us bow our heads.
Dear lord, please help Doc Henry come to the light and give up his sinful ways, and make amends with his friend Mr. Reb, and please give him the strength to understand that he is and will never be a good wrestler. Thank you lord.
Now friends, Brother Abaddon will recite a passage while Jeffery and I prepare the communion. Brother Abaddon.
Abaddon comes up to the podium as Jeff and Father Terry Andrews go back to the alter. Watching a puppet seem to move on its own is awkward for all involved.
Abaddon: Alex Richardi est summa gulae . Magnus pinguis guy est non minus quam ad temperare sibi luctandi circa anulus colaphizet . Cum esset in ultimo agone Jeff Jeff tristis particeps obtinuit optimum crumenam. Sed hoc erit tempus . Jeff quam semper intentus est , et multo magis , qui umquam se . Alex immolarentur Richardi ultimam animae cum Jeff est cum eo. Jeff aequabiliter causa instituta est , ut quaedam ab domo traherentur communis deficiunt. Alex Richardi sin bonum agis , te videre lumen, et in omne nefas desinas WCF exemplum . Si inveni gratiam in via ad infernum, placet , quia sic semper esset bene scio vos Satanas duos pedes , digitos famulo sulphur aeterno donum . Exaudi , domine , quaesumus, ut des Satan Alex digito impulsi domare Tabescet Induet in profundum inferni , ut Alex .
Captions appear at the bottom of the screen, translating the latin that Abaddon is speaking. It says 'Alex Richards is the epitome of gluttony. He is a big fat guy who doesn't know how to control himself around a buffet let alone a wrestling ring. The last match he was in with Jeff, he sadly got the best of my partner Jeff Purse. However, this time will be different. Jeff is more focused than he has ever been, and he is more determined than he has ever been. Alex Richards soul will be sacrificed to the depths of the underworld when Jeff is done with him. He is the reason Jeff was wrongfully institutionalized, dragged away from his home like some common degenerate. Alex Richards, if you know whats good for you, you will see the light, and stop being the example of everything that is wrong in the WCF. Unless you decide that you really are on the highway to hell, because I am sure that Satan would be ever so happy to have you sitting at his feet, giving his brimstone toes a rub for all eternity. Dear lord, we pray that you give Alex the finger strength to control the pressure that Satan himself will put on Alex as he rots away in the depths of hell.'
Abaddon steps away from the podium, and grabs the goblet of wine set out for him. Jeff grabs the communion. They both stand in front of the alter as the parishioners line up to recieve it. Father Terry Andrews returns to the podium.
Father Terry Andrews: Blessed are the clean of heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peace-ma-kers, for they shall be called child-ren of God. Blessed are they who are per-se-cu-ted for the sake of right-eous-ness, for theirs is the King-dom of Heav-en.
And now congregation of the church, I will take you through the the ten men who will hold a challenge for Jeffery Purse at War, while you receive communion. They are, in order, from the least biggest threat to the biggest...Steeltoe Joe, Chelsea Armstrong, Gravedigger, Jayson Price, John Gable, Steve Orbit, Torture, Corey Black, Jonny Fly, and of course, Jeff Purse. I will explain that later. But first we discuss a member of the good graces of God, Steeltoe Joe.
Mr. Joe claims to be of the brotherhood, however I believe his actions speak louder than these claims. Sure, he may be a pastor, the 'peoples pastor', the 'Holy Flame', but if you look into it further, you will see that Mr. Joe is nothing but a liar. And I am sure that Mr. Joe can tell you better than every one that that is a sin. So Mr. Joe is trying to make WCF a better place, trying to rid this company of sin, but he is a sinner himself? I wonder if Mr. Joe has ever sought forgiveness for the sins that he commits every day. I know I do. I know Jeffery does. I know Abaddon does. If Mr. Joe would like, I would even offer to listen to him and help him achieve the forgiveness that he should seek out. But other than his lying, he also doesn't not speak as eloquently as a pastor should. He is quick to fly off the handle. He has a temper. He lets his person feelings come before the church and in my eyes members of the congregation, that in and of it self is the worst sin that he could commit.
I don't believe Mr. Joe and Jeffery have ever met in the ring one and one, but I do know that they have met in the ring, not only in big matches such as this but also in tag team matches in which Jeffery has won. Why is that you may ask? Well I will explain that to you. First of all Steeltoe Joe tried to align himself with people who he thought could better his career, as did Jeffery. Steeltoe Joe choose people like Tek, Sarah Twilight, and of course, Eric Price. Three people who, when aligned, were worse than when they were on their own. Three men who could only do damage to ones career. Where Jeffery chose Jonathon Fly, Cornelius Black, and Polar Phantasm, three men who could only help a young athlete better his career. I believe that is the only reason I have to choose, though there are many, to explain when Jeffery will triumph over Mr. Joe. The pure fact that Jeffery is just that much smarter than Mr. Joe is enough to show that Jeffery has the wits to outlast Mr. Joe, and ultimatly defeat him. Now, please bow your heads and pray with me.
They do. Jeff does too. Abaddon looks murderous to say the least.
Father Terry Andrews: Dear lord we pray that Steeltoe Joe will find his way to you truthfully and honestly. We also pray that he will stop aligning himself with men who try to disguise themselves as women. Amen
Everyone: Amen.
Because Jeff lit the Steeltoe Joe candle, Abaddon lights the Chelsea Armstrong candle.
Father Terry Andrews: Chelsea Armstrong is a person that Jeffery himself said was going to be a star here in the WCF. He said she had to most potential out all the newcomers to the WCF, and its good to hear that that is still holding true. She has proven herself as an effective Peoples Champion, holding it for a while and showing that she is nobody to be taken lightly. Jeffery has confided in me that he has had noting but the upmost respect for her. That is, until recently, when I contacted her to offer her a chance at salvation and Jeffery and I learned that she is very, very, rude. Also that she is a harlott, letting all those men into her little group, and we all know, because of the reactions that all of her 'friends' had, I would say she is more than just friends to them. And Chelsea, that is a terrible thing for a young woman such as you. A whore if I ever seen one.
Jeffery Purse is a moral, kind hearted young man. People used to say he was the conscience of Pantheon. With immoral friends such as the men who were in that group, I don't think we could blame Jeffery for his actions in Pantheon. Anyway, no matter who he was with or the peer pressure they put him through, Jeffery has always stuck true to who he was as a person, while Chelsea came to the WCF a nice girl, who maybe made some mistakes...but she had respect and she was kind. Now, Chelsea has let her enviroment and her friends pressure her into becoming a satanic harlott. Well Ms. Armstrong I gave you a chance at salvation and you laughed at me. Now Jeffery will have to show you the only type of salvation you are due, and that is to destroy you. Please join me in prayer. Dear Lord and Savior, we pray that Chelsea understand that her 'poop does indeed stink.' We pray that she stop her sexual immorality with every body who finds a blue haired woman attractive. And finally Lord, we pray that you give Ms. Armstrong the strength to get past the sins of her past, and join you and us in our path to salvation.
Abaddon strikes a match and lights the Gravedigger candle. Jeff smirks a bit.
Father Terry Andrews: First let me start off by saying Mr. Gravedigger, you disgust me sir! Your name alone is deplorable. You actually inspire people to walk through sacred places at night and dig up the bodies of those trying to rest in peace. Not only do you influence that type of behavior, but you say you are the leader of a very feared street gang. Which is a terrible way to be, Mr. Gravedigger. Gang life is a life that needs to be cut out of this world. There is no decency in those types of settings. Gravedigger you are also guitly of the sin of not understanding when enough is enough. How many times must you be humiliated in front of one hundred thousand plus people, plus millions watching on television, before you understand that it is time for you to retire and stay retired? Gravedigger how many more superstars have to fear your old man bowels failing you in the middle of the ring, and having to deal with a geriatric who has an adult diaper full of Satan's hot mess? I am very sad for you Mr. Gravedigger, constantly trying to relive your past. You should come to the side of the light, the side of the faith, and join us in our crusade through the WCF to turn people toward salvation and repentance.
But you will not. Why would you? The only one who is able to admit they were living their life wrong in this company is Jeffery Purse. And Mr. Gravedigger Jeffery is not going to bring up the match that he beat you in. No. But I am Mr. Gravedigger. I am going to bring that up because even though its been talked about a lot, it is still a very important part of Jeffery's history, and also yours, Mr. Gravedigger. Jeffery, members of the faith, has defeated Gravedigger one on one in the past. But Jeffery did not just win any old match. Jeffery defended his title against Mr. Gravedigger in a hardcore match. As we all know, that is Mr. Gravediggers bread and butter match. He suffered a loss to Jeffery in a match that was tailor made for Mr. Gravedigger to win. So yes that will get brought up Mr. Gravedigger because it not only shows how truely pathetic you are, but it perfectly explains why Jeffery is going to win this match. He was better than you during that time, and he is better than you now, Mr. Gravedigger. Please lower your heads in prayer with me.
They do. Jeff is still smirking. He has always been proud of this moment. Beating Gravedigger at his own match.
Father Terry Andrews. Dear Lord we pray that you give Gravedigger the luxury of being able to control his rectal sphincter and not release that disgusting chum all over the ring at War. We as that he learn that Jeffery will always be better than him, and help him to accept that and move on.
Now if you will please rise and join me in this hymn about sinners, which we have adjusted a bit to be about one of the biggest sinners in the WCF, Jayson Price.
The organ picks up as everyone stands and picks up their hymnal.
Father Terry Andrews and everyone: Come, ye Jayson, poor and wretched,
Weak and wounded, no talent hack;
Jesus ready waits to save you,
Full of pity, love and pow’r:
He is able, He is able,
Jayson Price has no pow'r himself
Come, ye needy, Jayson Price;
Instead of getting your own gimmick;
You try to mooch off of Jeff Purse;
Every grace that brings us nigh,
Without money, without money,
Come to Jesus Christ and buy
Let not conscience make you linger,
Jayson Price is very weak;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him:
This He gives you, this He gives you,
’Tis the Spirit’s rising beam
Come, ye weary, Jayson Price,
Lost and ruined by constant pin fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all:
Not the righteous, not the righteous,
Sinner Jayson Price
Agonizing in the garden,
Price is so lame he likes to garden;
On the bloody tree behold Him!
Hear Him cry, before He dies,
“It is finished!” “It is finished!”
Sinner, Jayson Price has not shot
Lo! th’ incarnate God, ascended,
Pleads the merit of His blood;
Venture on Him, venture wholly;
Jayson Price this is a fact:
you can try, you can try,
But you will never best Jeff at War.
Father Terry Andrews: Let us pray. Jesus God Almighty, we pray that you give Jayson Price the strength to realize that he is no different than he was before when he was a 'clone' and that he will never succeed professionally when he is who he is. Please give him the relization that he is nothing but a locker room joke, and he will never be anything but a locker room joke. Please give him the understanding that he is on the same level as that, of Mr. Adam Young.
And now members join hands as we say the Our Father prayer. However, follow along in your head, as I have changed it a bit to make it apply to Jonathon Gable as well.
"Our father, who art in heaven, why can't John Gable wrestle? Thy kingdom should have helped him realize his potential, on earth and in all of heaven. Give us some stregnth to sit through his boring matches, and forgive him for botching every move he does, as he forgives those who botch against him. And lead him not into false hope of winning War, but deliver him from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, and John Gable deserves none. Amen."
Everyone: Amen.
Jeff is in charge of lighting the next candle. Marked Steve Orbit.
Father Terry Andrews: Now I know I don't have to explain to anyone why Steven Orbit is a sinner. The, as he puts it, 'pimping'. The countless prostitutes. The drug abuse. The swearing. The senseless violence. The setting back of the African American culture twenty years. The way he doesn't care about anything or anybody but himself. He turned on his friends for a team that is just as morally unethical as Pantheon. Seven Oribit is out of control. He has very little chance left for salvation, and if he wants it, he needs to get on this train I like to call the confessional train, and confess his sins before God and recieve his forgiveness. However, friends, you will not see this man of God quickly trying to help Steven Orbit retreive his retribution.
But Steven Orbit has a fatal flaw that will ultimetly be his downfall in War. He is not loyal. Sure, his Vapor King buddies will probably be supporting him in War, but the time will come when Steve Orbit turns on his friends, as he is known to do. Pantheon, Walyon Cash, the team he was in with the manliest of all men Sarah Twilight. Steven Orbit has not been faithful, ever. Jeffery Purse has been faithful throughout, and just recently left his team of Pantheon for a more righteous course. Please, bow your heads...
Dear Lord, we pray that Steven Orbit understands that pimping actually is easy, and that he drops that life and goes to a more righteous one, and that he learns a little bit of loyalty.
Abaddon lights the next candle, Torture. A chill through the air.
Father Terry Andrews: Besides a name full of sin, and a reputation full of sin, I haven't much to say about this man. He has been a mysterious enigma ever since Jeffery joined the WCF. For some reason, he is always very supportive of Jeffery, well, not some reason, we all know its because Mr. Ture sees the potential in my disciple Jeffery. Mr. Ture is a man in WCF that every superstar wants to be, and a man that every superstar wants to beat. I wish Mr. Ture the best of luck in the War, even though he will fail at the hands of my disciple, Jeffery Purse. Please pray with me. Dear Lord, we all here hope Mr. Ture does decent in War, but that he will fall to the hands of Jeffery. Well, we know the last part is true. We also pray that he got my message I left him about his salvation.
And now I turn the microphone over to my disciple Jeffery Purse, so that he may discuss with you the chances of Jonathon Fly and Cornelius Black winning War.
Father Terry Andrews bounces away from the microphone as only a puppet can. Jeff steps up to the mic. The room grows silent, even more silent then a church. It seems everyone is interested in what Jeff has to say, I mean shoot, those were his two best friends for a long time.
Jeff Purse: For a long time after Pantheon was formed, Polar Phantasm would call me 'the best friend a wrestler could ever have.' I was the best man at his wedding. He left though. He didn't tell me where he went, and he abandoned me. I was a little hurt by that, having the childhood I had with a father who ran out on my family. I did, however, find comfort with the other men of Pantheon, especially Corey and Jonny. Not that I didn't like Jay, or...Jayson. But we never got on like Corey and Jonny and myself. With those two men, I not only got friendship, but I got two very wise, very talented, very helpful mentors. It was almost like I went from having no father to having two fathers. I know, it seems strange that I looked to those two men as father figures, but hell, or...I mean shoot, I was a lost soul looking for a real place to call home.
Corey was the hard side of the father. The one who would punish you for doing something wrong. Ground you for not cleaning your room...which is something I always did. He would tell you to walk it off if you got hurt, and actually inspired me when he said to me, multiple times, and forgive my language Lord, when he would say "Jeff, don't be a bitch." Heh. I don't know why that was a special thing to me, it was quite insulting. But it was like he cared enough to even say something. And Jonny, Jonny was the good side. The side that snuck you cookies before bedtime. The one who let you stay up late to watch the rest of your television show. The one who on the weekends took you to the movies and let you eat all the candy you wanted. The one who talked to you when you got bullied at school. Then one who helped your emotionally psyche understand that not everyone is going to like you, and make you ok with that.
Then...then Jonny lost faith in me. I know I was acting irrational. However, I don't know one person who could have blamed me. I had just been hit by a car, and the only person from my perspective it could have been was Eric Price. Instead of understanding that, Jonny took the "I am the owner and you need proof" road. Which would have been fine if he would have remembered that him and I were supposed to be friends. In his own special we were referred to as the inseparable duo. I trusted everything Jonny did...and he screwed me. He didn't even try to understand what I was going through, or try to help me through it. He took the road of the insensitive boss. Was I out of line? Yes. Was I wrong? Yes. Did I expect to much of him? Well, I suppose so. I just needed someone there for me. Thats why I let Sarah Twilight in. She was there. Jonny was not. And neither was Corey. Nobody was...except that man beast.
AND THEN, he sells the company to who? Eric Price. Well, if that isn't a big slap in my face, then I don't know what is. Jonny took the company, gave it to the devil himself, and gave me a big old middle finger. He has never, ever, EVER apologized for the way that he treated me then. But what about Corey? Corey, in the same respect, and even more so, should have given me an apology. Corey and I stayed in the same group throughout Fly's absence. And never once did he apologize for his actions toward me. He sided with Fly, he stayed in touch with Fly, and when he decided to rally the troops in Pantheon again, he left me a message. He didn't come see me, he couldn't even give me that respect....he left me a message. A message that I missed. A Pantheon reunion that I missed out on.
What happened then? Jonny Fly came out, and the boys of Pantheon, the audience, everyone accepted him back into their lives as though the, pardon my language, SHIT that he had pulled before he left was forgiven and ok without any sort of retribution. He was on top of the world again, and everyone was ok with it. The fans, people who had told me they would always love me and be there for me booed me when I delivered retribution to Jonny. But they cheered him when he came back, even after reading in magazines what Jonny had been up to. Do I feel bad that I might have been partially responsible for Jonny Fly slipping away into a slight depression, and conducting whatever vile acts he conducted. No. I don't. Because Jonny Fly ended our friendship long ago.
Since Corey Black follows Jonny Fly around like a lost puppy looking for a home, it shouldn't have surprised me that Corey ended our friendship as well. Well you know what you two? Im not even close to being done with you two. You guys think you can do whatever you want and get away with it. You think that you can just use people and that your actions have no repercussions. You think you can influence a young man who just needs someone in his life to help through everything and then throw him to the side because he might not agree with you one hundred percent, or he needs a little extra attention!
Jeff stops for a moment. A clear lump in his throat. Its clear that he has been waiting to say this for a while. His eyes are puddles, no tears pouring down his face, but they are close.
Jeff Purse: You two used me. Jonny saw a star that was on the rise and you took advantage of that. Corey jumped in and just helped Jonny continue to use me. And then when it wasn't convenient for you anymore, you thew me to the side like trash. Well you know what? Everyone else may have forgiven you...GOD himself may forgive you...but I never will. The other night on Slam was just the beginning of it for you two. War is going to just that much worse. Jonny...Corey...I am going to personally see to it that I am the one to eliminate both of you. Then, after I win War, the next week, I am going to walk down to that ring and continue to make life hell for both of you. Because you both deserve it. Because you both don't care about anyone but yourselves. You both are failures at life. And I am going to see to it that both of you realize it by the time you are forced into retirement because I have injured you so bad you can't feel any part of your fucking bodies anymore.
Father Terry Andrews comes up and jumps onto the mic.
Father Terry Andrews: Ok Jeffery, some powerful words, but you are getting a little ahead of yourself. Go take some time to relax child.
Jeff, still pissed about Jonny and Corey, turns and walks to a door, on his way he knocks over the cart of candles that he had been lighting. Abaddon rolls his eyes and begins trying to clean it up. Father Terry Andrews turns toward the men and women there for the mass.
Father Terry Andrews: The reason Jeffery is the biggest threat to Jeffery is because no matter what I try, the one part of that man I cannot break is his heart. He feels truly, truly betrayed by his former friends. I can't get him to forget, and I have yet to get him to forgive. Of course, I have been meeting with him three times a week to try to get him there, and eventually he will get there. But at War Jeff has the potential to let his emotions get the best of him, which can cost him the match. So friends, let us bow our heads, for one last prayer.
Dear God, we ask that you give Jeffery the strength to get over the pettiness of his past, and be able to focus on Sunday, so that he may bring the Rapture to the WCF, as is our plan from day one. Please give him the strength to outlast everyone. Please let him remember the fire he had when he won this match two years ago. Please help him make history. Thank you...Amen.
I will see you next time friends. Until then peace be with you, try to do a little better in your life, and remember to watch and support my disciple, Jeff Purse.
The last shot is a view of the parishioners getting up and leaving the big church. The scene fades to black.
