Post by Bryan "Buzz" Worthy on Sept 26, 2014 7:02:30 GMT -5
Pedantic War Promo #1
*No frills. No fluff. No padding. Just Bryan “Buzz” Worthy wearing his gear and the Television Championship while standing in front of a cinderblock wall with “WCF” spray painted across it.*
Buzz: September 27th in Phoenix I’ll be competing at War. I can say that without hyperbole Sunday night will be the most important of my career. I’m double booked for the show; meaning I’m defending my Television Title first and then taking part in the main event: the War Battle Royal. The winner of that match earns the right to wrestle for the World Championship at WCF’s biggest Pay Per View: One. So, with a belt on the line and the chance to earn a shot at another, and not just any other, but the most important title in the sport; the stakes are high for me.
Buzz: I’m going to win both matches. I’m going to pin John Gable and retain the Television Title, and I’m going to outlast every other wrestler on the WCF roster and win War.
*He gives his broad shoulders a shrug.*
Buzz: Bold words, right, when you consider the source? Look at my record. I’ve got twice as many losses as wins in WCF. Look at my run as TV Champ. I lost my last title defense, but got to keep the belt due to a quirk in the company’s playbook. And before that, in the defense that I won, it was by count out resulting from circumstances I had nothing to do with. I’ve been a literal bystander in my own title reign.
Buzz: It might seem especially ludicrous to predict victory given the nature of the War match itself. War is the most clustered of Seth Lerch’s cluster fucks, with wrestlers entering the ring at two minute intervals with the goal of pinning the competition or making it submit. There’s no count outs, and no disqualifications. Literally anything can happen. But here’s the thing: despite the chaotic nature of War, despite how the rules, or lack of rules, are stacked against it; during the match, talent wins out. How do I know this?
*A insert shot is added to the scene displaying the logo for Wrestling Championship Federation’s Hall of Fame.*
Buzz: Every War winner that is eligible is in the WCF Hall of Fame. You can look it up. Mace, Hellz Angel, Epic, “Slickie T” Allan Guiliano, Skyler Stryker, Logan, and Gravedigger achieved both honors during their time in the fed. And of the three who have not been enshrined, two are mortal locks to get in to Reading and the third is within spitting distance of it. Realize that’s just my opinion, of course, and that I’ve been accused of being in the tank for Pantheon.
*As Worthy speaks, pictures of the HOF wrestlers/War winners are shown, as well as the three War finalists he did not mention by name: Johnny Reb, Jeff Purse, and Jonny Fly. All of whom were in Pantheon at one point in time.*
Buzz: What can’t be questioned is the fact that it’s the cream that rises to the top in War. There are no fluke victories. The last man standing earned his erectness of carriage. Long story short: to win War, you have to be good. And despite pretty much every reliable indicator to the contrary, I’m good.
Buzz: I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating; just because I don’t always show what it takes to succeed in wrestling doesn’t mean I don’t know what it takes. I’m as capable an opponent as any man or woman on the WCF locker room, and I’m going to prove that Sunday by beating them all. This hometown boy is going to make his fellow Phoenicians proud twice in one night: first by pinning John Gable and retaining the Television Title, and then later when he becomes the eleventh man to win War. Now that’s not to say this is going to be easy: my opponent for the TV Championship has the record for holding the belt the longest, and in the three times we’ve competed for it, he’s won twice. And War this year is stacked. Nine former World Champions are in the match. Four former War winners. Four current Hall of Famers and maybe just as many future members of that elite strata will be fighting for the right to main event this year’s One. All told, there are at least a dozen entrants to War XIII that an expert could pick as the favorite to win and no one would think they’re wrong. But they are. Because I’m winning. I’m not walking into a fight thinking anything other than that it’s my hand getting raised when it’s over. The moment you believe otherwise is when you’ve given up, and you might as well stop competing.
Buzz: Don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. It is not my intention to disrespect any of my fellow competitors. This is WCF; to even get added to its roster means you are good at your craft. Some better than others, sure; but this is the company that the best in the sport want to come to, because they know if they can win here, they have achieved at the highest level of their profession. The thirty plus other wrestlers I’ll be facing at War are all capable; it’s just that this Sunday, being capable will not be enough.
*The little insert screen winks back into existence. It’s now showing whatever the poster for War XIII is (assume it is very Royal Rumble-y in design, with the WCF superstars in some kind of wild scrum).*
Buzz: Before I go through these men and woman at War, I’m going to do it here. Figuratively. I want to identify and handicap the other challengers. Do a little shooting before the fighting actually breaks out. The first target-
*As Bryan names a wrestler his or her likeness shows on the screen, followed by multiple clips of their recent ring work. This happens through the rest of the promo.*
Buzz: Isaac Salinger. I was astonished to see him on the list. He’s not signed as an in ring talent for WCF, but works as a trainer slash promoter. He has wrestled in the past, but that was years ago. I’m not sure his motive for entering War. He mentioned at a house show that’s he is on the lookout for talent to represent. Maybe this is his way of scouting? I don’t know. Hopefully he’ll explain himself before Sunday. Or, better yet: drop out of the match. From what I’ve heard of Isaac Salinger he’s one that believes in doing business the right way, and we need to hear from those voices here in WCF. Entering War on a whim doesn’t help Salinger achieve that goal.
Buzz: Another name I didn’t expect to see on the card for War was Doc Henry. Last I heard, he and his wife were missing and presumed abducted by vast metaphysical forces beyond our understanding. So why does WCF book him for War? Is Seth the vast metaphysical force? It seems unlikely. He’s shrewder than he gets credit for, but Seth’s a few notches below anything closely resembling omniscience. Still, I anticipate that the Inveterate Confederate will be putting in an appearance Sunday. Doc Henry is one belt away from becoming a WCF Grand Slam Champion. That belt is the World Title, which he could get one step closer to by winning War. He’s held almost every other Championship here in WCF, which is both a testament to his ability and proof of the adage that “90% of success comes from just showing up”. However, like I said earlier, War is more about just participation.
Buzz: Louis Bartkowski is the third personal surprise entrant for War, though I suppose it shouldn’t have been. He’s on the official roster. It has been nearly two months since he wrestled last. However, when you consider there are a number of participants who have been away from a WCF ring even longer than the Mad Man from Cleveland, it’s not really fair to say he doesn’t deserve a spot. I highly doubt he’ll be taking up space for long in the match. Louis has a manic energy that helps him compete, but lacks the physical tools to truly capitalize on his vim.
Buzz: I’m going to continue to categorize my War opponents as I go through them. Next up, would be those I label as “Longshots.” I’ll start with the newly minted Walker Flyocker Flame. He was Tyler Walker when I faced him last, but other than his name not much has changed since then. While monstrously strong and clearly benefitting under the tutelage of Jonny Fly, the “Beast” still lacks ring awareness. That’s going to handicap his chances in a match like War, where danger can come at you from any direction.
Buzz: Biohazard had the win of his life last Sunday when he pinned WCF Legend Logan. But let’s face it: the man he beat is not the same one who dominated the company just a few years ago. Logan’s time seems to be done, which to me is a shame. I was really hoping to see his name included on the card. It would have been a hint that perhaps the Treacherous One was planning some kind of long con, and he would enter War and perform at that high level longtime denizens of the WCF Galaxy are used to seeing. That’s still possible, I suppose, but I’m not holding out hope. I’ve little confidence in Biohazard making it very far in War either; not with him nursing a broken heart.
Buzz: Another man considered a longshot to win War is The Ultimate Destroyer. Yes, he’s big and incredibly strong. That isn’t going to translate into a victory. It’s interesting that none of the more recent winners of War were known for their power. Gravedigger comes the closest, but the Epitome of Hardcore has more going for him than brute strength. The Ultimate Destroyer doesn’t.
Buzz: Shawn Scholes has foundering in the undercard for his month long tenure here. He’s done nothing of note since winning his debut match. War could be his chance to establish himself, though I doubt it will happen. Shawn’s got a mean streak, which lends itself to a no DQ match like War, but an angry disposition isn’t going to cover all his other deficiencies as a worker.
Buzz: The last of the “Longshots” is Tobiaz Barnz. He’s had one match in WCF, where he was an absolute non-factor. Just like I expect him to be on Sunday. I am curious to see what happens if he and WCF mainstay Gravedigger cross paths that night. Tobias uses the handle as well, and, it is highly likely that the veteran might want demonstrate why the nickname is better suited for him.
*Bryan reaches off camera to snag a water bottle. After twisting off its cap and taking a pull from it, he continues.*
Buzz: The next subsection I’m going to label “Puncher’s Chance.” These are the wrestlers that don’t have what it takes to win War, but could still impress with a strong showing. It could be by eliminating someone in the match who was picked to win, or lasting longer in the match than one would have expected. I’ll start with the Pastor of Disaster, Steeltoe Joe. A physically powerful wrestler with less than strong convictions. How else can you explain his constant shifting of alliances? One moment he hates Jonny Fly enough to blindside him, the next he’s champing at the bit to work with him and others in Pantheon because of beef he has with the current World Champion ICE Beckman. I guess there’s something to admire about a man willing to punch up when he’s picking fights, but it’s that lack of focus and control that will cost him during War.
Buzz: Cormack MacNeill is an underrated talent. You watch him perform in the ring and you see flashes of brilliance. But Cormack’s long game is weak. He suffers from a lack of stamina, which is a common affliction among big men. In a fight if he can’t take you out quick he’s chances of victory go down immensely. Bad news for him that War is a match that can last hours for a competitor. Someone needs to sit Cormack down and explain the necessity of having good cardio for a wrestler. Given his tendency to choose the worst possible cohorts to steer his career; first Sequitus, then the manipulative manager James Church, and now Team Friend Zone or whatever Chelsea Armstrong’s clique is calling itself; the odds of him finding someone who will actually look out for his best interests seem unlikely.
Buzz: And that brings us to the Mistress of Mayhem herself. Chelsea Armstrong has been trying to move herself up the WCF pecking order recently by assembling a crew of like minded misfits to attack other, more established stars. Has it worked? She thinks so. But here’s the truth: jumping wrestlers backstage? It’s weak. Petty ante’ low rent desperately heat seeking schtick. Especially since it would seem like they all aren’t very good at it. Two of the four they attacked went on to have matches later that night. Another just shrugged it off. If one wants their Pearl Harbor job to be effective, you got to pick your spots. Just like in a War match. If you go into that fight expecting to make a statement or relying on anyone else to get you through, you’re making a huge mistake.
*A chirp from Worthy’s cellphone off camera distracts Worthy. He disappears for a moment, and returns holding the device.*
Buzz: I’m not sure if I’m breaking news here, but a late entrant to the War match has been announced: Randall Kash. I’m not sure… who is that?
*Bryan’s features tighten to one of consternation. He begins muttering to himself.*
Buzz: Hmm, this puts a crimp in my plans. I wanted to get them all, but now-
*He looks up to the viewer and gives an apologetic smile.*
Buzz: Excuse me for a moment.
*The screen goes blank.*
